Commercial rant time...

[mr3urious]

I came across this General Mills commercial thanks to (or no thanks to) the Annotated Series guys after watching the latest episode of the Donkey Kong Country series they annotated.

To whoever directed this, if you're going to be random, at least be coherent. First you've got a seemingly ordinary cereal commercial setup, then the Cookie Crisp wolf turning into Wreck-it Ralph and then into a furry fetishist's wet dream, and finally SWEET RAVE PARTY! It's a lot like those Burger King commercials with the random puppet and other crap that Drtooth ranted about earlier, except on ecstasy.

 

[D'Snowth]

Okay, wait, so let me get this straight: it's Saturday, the Wreck-it Wolf crashes us to a dance party, and Kevin Michael Richardson is thrown in there.

Got it. Wait, what? Why? What?

 

[Drtooth]

To whoever directed this, if you're going to be random, at least be coherent. First you've got a seemingly ordinary cereal commercial setup, then the Cookie Crisp wolf turning into Wreck-it Ralph and then into a furry fetishist's wet dream, and finally SWEET RAVE PARTY! It's a lot like those Burger King commercials with the random puppet and other crap that Drtooth ranted about earlier, except on ecstasy.

I kinda like what they tried to do, and it has a very odd Uncle Grandpa meets Breadwinners type feel to it. Trix Rabbit sounds a little like Sway Sway.

Problem is, this commercial came out of nowhere completely. You think it's strange seeing it online? I saw it randomly inserted like commercials usually are. Much weirder introduction.

It doesn't fit in at all with the mainstream ads for the same cereals which use the same voice actors and run concurrent with this one. So when I first saw it, I was completely confused. Did they recast all the voice actors? Are they advertising their own cereals? Did they strip away the character's personalities and are rebooting them? I agree. It's jarring when you see it the first time. And incoherent puts it mildly, since they're trying to get way too much into such a small period of time. Seems like if this was a series of commercials, it would work better.

But hey... referencing Wreck it Ralph? I can't complain about that. And I do like the "WEDNESDAY STOLE MY CAR!" line for whatever reason. And Uncle Gus the Orange. Maybe I have too much of a Kevin Michael Richardson bias to not like it.

Weird thing is, they broadcast it digitally dehanced to make it look like a video game cutscene. I swear they just started rereleasing it without that digital effect, as I saw it without it a few days ago.

Still, it doesn't bug me as much as removing every trace of The Flintstones from Cocoa and Fruity Pebbles commercials. Can't say I exactly hate what they're doing. I like the one where the little girl has a Rube Goldberg device. But the fact they shoved the characters who the cereal is named after out of the picture is disappointing. Especially since that's usually the only way to get a Flintstones Fix.

 

[mr3urious]

And incoherent puts it mildly, since they're trying to get way too much into such a small period of time. Seems like if this was a series of commercials, it would work better.

It feels more like one of those Japanese commercials where they try to squeeze a lot in a limited time frame (supposedly because air time is a lot more expensive over there), only this is more dizzyingly disjointed with all these different ideas thrown at the wall.

And at least the Flash animation looks nice and cartoony.

 

[Drtooth]

There is a shorter one where it totally removes the "It's Wednesday" portion and just goes from the kid asking if it's Saturday directly to the Trix Rabbit giving the kid cereal. The flow is much better. The long form one, I agree. Took me the 5th time viewing to make sense of it. Especially if you notice the big golden blob thing that must be there to promote Golden Grahams. You know, the character that never existed before and seems to come out of nowhere.

Still, you have to wonder what the heck Big G was doing with this one. They still air the Trix Rabbit failing to get Trix, the Cocoa Puffs Bird going Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, and Lucky the Leprechaun trying to avoid kids after his Strawberry Smi-- uh Lucky Charms and discovering yet another weird Marshmallow shape (though he isn't present in this one). They're going the Geico route here of multiple ads for the same thing, yet using the same mascots repurposed with different voices. Gotta admit, I prefer this version of Chip the Wolf because I never really liked him. I grew up with Cookie Crook and Chip the dog, and was disappointed when they dropped the Crook. Of course, that's nothing compared to what happened when the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bakers were reduced to single Baker, and ultimately replaced by cannibal Minion wannabees.

So yeah. Quality wise it is disjointed. But considering the fact that these are well established mascots (minus Golden Blob of Honey Man) with different voices and personalities, it's also kinda jarring to boot. It seems like an entire commercial of Big Lipped Alligator moment. Unless they make another. Hopefully they get it better this time.

On that subject, anyone wanna talk about how embarrassing the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee's commercials have been lately? Grumpy Cat? It's like he's turned into the out of touch guy who wants to be the cool dad and talks in 2-4 year old internet Memes... Holy Cow! He turned into Phil Dunphee!

 

[mr3urious]

Of course, that's nothing compared to what happened when the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bakers were reduced to single Baker, and ultimately replaced by cannibal Minion wannabees.

For a long time, I never knew there were originally three bakers. Did Wendell get jealous and pull a Titus Andronicus on them or something?

On that subject, anyone wanna talk about how embarrassing the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee's commercials have been lately? Grumpy Cat? It's like he's turned into the out of touch guy who wants to be the cool dad and talks in 2-4 year old internet Memes... Holy Cow! He turned into Phil Dunphee!

"Must Be the Honey" has to be even more embarrassing and inappropriate.

 

[Drtooth]

"Must Be the Honey" has to be even more embarrassing and inappropriate.

The worst by far has to be the one with the trampoline troupe. The part where he jumps to the camera and goes "SOOOOOOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" made me wanna get out the bug spray.

I mean, really. Old rappers that haven't done anything for 10 years, an adorable, but overused and overexposed mainstream meme, and using slang from 10 years ago that no one uses anymore, even though it is appropriately pun based? His attempts to be "hip" somehow made him less hip than ever before. Though I have to admit, the one with the cat is kinda cute. At least until they make the cat talk with Impact font.

Oh. I almost forgot the commercial I was going to mention.

That new Chevy truck commercial where they invite in focus groups to emasculate everyone into buying a truck. Kids, neckbeards, and shallow women all basically say "You're not a man without an expensive, needless accessory of a vehicle." Yeah, I get the whole gas being cheap temporarily, so we can sweep the fuel efficiency thing under the rug bit. But really?! In case no one has seen it, they show the same person standing behind a truck and an actual car that makes perfect sense to own if you don't have a small business or haul things frequently and live near the city. And no lie, one of the women actually says something to the extent of "this is the guy your mother makes you marry, this is the guy you run away with." Yeah. Not shallow at all. I'm surprised that they don't say at the end of the commercial, "That's right. Go out and buy a truck you may not need or you'll instantly turn into a gay social pariah." The fact that commercial can be passed off in this day and age is offensive. 90's? Sure. Last decade? There were commercials that implied that. But now, it's just disgusting.

 

[mr3urious]

ARRRRGH!!!! Even after President's Day has come and gone, that blasted Jeep ad with the kids singing the names of the presidents to the tune of "Ten Little Indians" just won't go away!

We get it, Chrysler Corp! You're greedy as all get-out by extending your President's Day sale past its date! Just get it off our TV screens already!

 

[D'Snowth]

I've never even seen that commercial.

I am, however, pleased with the Progressive commercial of Flo being burned at the stake.

 

[Drtooth]

ARRRRGH!!!! Even after President's Day has come and gone, that blasted Jeep ad with the kids singing the names of the presidents to the tune of "Ten Little Indians" just won't go away!

I got to admit, while I kinda dig Toyota's Presidential bobblehead thing for at least being clever, President's day commercials are just poor. I hate the Christmas commercials for Lexus and stuff for celebrating the worst of the excesses of the commercialism of the season. I mean, yeah, nice that Kirk Cameron got so many Razzies for doing the same thing, but the car commercials were celebrated. Only Cracked had something to say about stuff like that. Though Toyota's toy based commercials were awesome this time around.

But Presidents Day ads are just as bad on the level of poor quality and unfunny gags. The one that's under my skin this year is that "Presidential Race" bit. OH! I get it! It's race the other thing and not the political term which is just another definition in a different context! yeah. That's the kind of pun you'd find in a 1st grader's joke book 30 years ago. And handled just as sloppily as a kid's delivery, too. And I absolutely love the outcome "The winner is... Mount Rushmore?!" HAW HAW HAW! Yeah... you suck at your job.

Actually, yeah. Mount Rushmore. No wonder why Republicans want Reagan up there. It's like they're the only four Presidents people know and use in these stupid commercials. And I'm not even talking just car. Bob's Furniture has a pretty disturbingly bad commercial with giant sort of claymation Mount Rushmore mens singing bad barbershop.

You wanna get creative? How about a commercial with Richard Nixon saying "I am NOT a Crook, but these prices are a steal!" or William Henry Harrison saying "Don't miss your opportunity! The only thing shorter than my term is Chrysler's President's Day Event!"

Seriously. I want a Columbus Day mattress ad that says "We're spreading our low prices like I spread disease to the indigenous people!" Or "I may not have actually passed the idea of 30% off Sealie Posturepedics, but I'm going to take credit for it anyway."