Lo peeps of the Mup Cen! Heck of a week, right? Well, hopefully this extra long 4 Ball will help us all along the weekend. I'm also hoping to get a little more New York Minute in the mix today too.
So without further ado -
II.
While Scooter and Amanda were enjoying themselves as a couple in Mid-City, another couple was arguing in Beverly Hills.
As with many of their arguments, this one actually had no basis in fact or reality, it was just something for them to do in order to pick up a slow day. In the past, these arguments could easily get out of hand, leading to harsh words and hurt feelings; but time – as they say – can sometimes heal old wounds and for this couple, time apart had actually managed to do wonders for their relationship.
But back to the matter at hand…
On this night, the two lovebirds had gone from a dispute over the validity of a Scrabble word, to accusations on who had eaten the last of the peanut butter, to just how big of a closet a certain diva needed to achieve everything that made her…a diva. As the arguments shifted, so did the location – from the living room, to the kitchen, and finally into their master bedroom.
“Okay, alright, hold it,” replied said diva. “This is going to get us nowhere, so I have a suggestion.”
“Which is?”
“One, we call up Scooter or Janice, and they can tell us whether your word was correct or not.”
“It was,” huffed her companion. “And why would we call Janice?”
“Cause she likes weird words,” replied the diva. “Two, Moi will pick up peanut butter tomorrow.”
“And crackers.”
“And crackers, which Moi did not eat.”
“I…may have eaten those,” the second party murmured. “I may have had cheese and crackers the other day.”
“I will apparently also pick up more cheese.”
“I couldn’t help it!” he whined. “It was so good. And with that summer beef meaty stuff we got when Rowlf came back…”
“Moving on, dearheart.”
“Right.”
Seeing that her beau was still entranced by the delicious cheese from their piano playing pooch, Miss Piggy sighed. “Moi will ask Rowlfie if he has any more of that beef.”
“Aw baby, you’re the best!” Kermit the Frog exclaimed, grinning happily.
“I know this,” was the retort. “Now about the closet…”
“Piggy, you know I have no issues with the closet,” the frog admitted. “You have and wear way more clothes than I do anyway, so it makes sense that you take up more space. I’m just trying to figure out why most of my dress shirts are two sizes too big.”
Giving him an all knowing look, Piggy stated, “I have more to fill in them.”
Kermit tried his very best not to look at the aforementioned…ahem, assets…that his girl alluded to. “This is true,” was all he said.
“And…I’ve never heard any complaints out of you,” she retorted, taking a few bold steps towards him.
“Why would I have reason to complain?” he asked, looking up at her.
Patting the top of his head, she said, “Of course not.”
“That didn’t take long.”
“What’s that?”
“This argument,” he replied. “Well, combining all three, that was a good thirty minutes, if you give or take ten minutes for each.”
“It did diffuse rather quickly.”
“Yes it did,” Kermit nodded. “We’re getting much better at this; this deserves a reward.”
“A reward?”
“Sure, why not?”
“Most couples don’t usually reward themselves for keeping arguments under ten minutes,” Piggy stated.
“Well,” Kermit retorted with a chuckle. “We aren’t most couples, are we?”
“Good point,” she agreed. “So Kermie, what should our reward be?”
“well…” Kermit murmured, pacing slightly across the carpeted floor. “What do you want the reward to be?”
The question was stunning; not that Kermit didn’t ask for Piggy’s opinion in certain matters – he did – it was just that, he didn’t do it often and in this case, she actually didn’t have a thought as to what they should do. “Good question,” she murmured.
The two either stood or paced the floor, each thinking of something that would be worthy to reward them on their diffusive argument record. As Kermit had noted, they weren’t your typical Hollywood couple – forget the fact of their interspecies match – whose affairs were up for public spectacle…
Well, for the most part.
Kermit and Piggy had made almost a traditional game out of their legendary fights. To the untrained eye, one might think that the two were completely unmatchable, complete opposites that could never see the side of the same coin; heck, Kermit had once thought that himself, in years past. But there was something about the two of them that they certainly couldn’t deny.
When they agreed, it showed just how much they could be in the other’s corner and decisions that came down from the high were always beneficial to those at the bottom; when they disagreed, watch out!
People literally flung themselves out of the way if either of them were on a tirade about the other; staff and production crews hid under, behind, or in anything they could and awaited for the signal that all was right in the world; betting pools were enacted in the case the pig finally did the frog in or if Kermit would not only fire, but ban Piggy from the Muppets forever.
None of that happened, of course – well, except the times that Piggy had used a well-placed chop to send a message to Kermit or when he actually did fire her in the middle of a show – but it was never pretty when the two of them were at odds.
That had been one of the reasons they had spent seven years apart from each other.
“When was the last time we took a vacation?”
The question stopped Kermit mid pace, as he turned to look at his girlfriend. Just as he was about to answer, Piggy interrupted him by adding, “Alone. Just the two of us?”
Again, Kermit opened his mouth to answer, but quickly closed it. He thought back to all the vacations that he had had over the years, from fun trips to New York or London, to just visiting his family in Mississippi and in thinking about these vacations, one thing was appallingly clear –
He and Piggy were never alone.
It wasn’t for lack of trying! Usually, Piggy’s trying, but she certainly never lacked in it. Through circumstance or fate, whether the two of them planned for a weekend getaway, something always came up. She had been right about him, when she had reluctantly returned from Paris – everything was usually about the Muppets in general, never really about them, as the two unofficial power couple.
“A vacation,” he whispered. “Yeah, I owe you one. I owe you several, no doubt -” he added that last part when she gave him a look. “That’s a good idea. It would be nice to take a break, just the two of us. Yeah, we’ll go away for the weekend.”
“This weekend?”
“No, no, not this weekend,” he replied, seeing where she had been headed. They performed on the weekends, with Sunday being live performance day, with the two previous days trial and error runs. In thinking of that, it also meant that next weekend was probably out too.
“Two weeks,” he said. “That puts us on hiatus and even if we did a couple of matinee shows, the guys can handle it without you and me. Two weeks, okay?”
“Where’re you gonna find some secluded little hideaway in two weeks?” she asked, suspiciously, though she did have a grin on her face.
That was the other problem – Kermit didn’t know of any place that the others didn’t know. “No worries, sweet pea,” he quipped. “In case you forgot, I have the best manager in the world as my assistant; emphasis on the word ‘my’ assistant. If it’s there, Scooter will find it.”
[hr]
Thursday mornings were relatively slow all around. The day after Wednesday, but just before Friday always saw a slowness sometimes in businesses state and country wide. For Scooter, his Thursday began with the loneliness of waking up alone; while he and Amanda weren’t intimate, they certainly weren’t strangers to spending the night together, curled up next to the other, under warm covers.
Amanda had called a somewhat early night the evening before, as she had an office meeting that very morning to attend, though she had been equally saddened at the prospect of also waking up alone. Luckily, the thought of getting the fellow red head all to herself for four glorious days wasn’t easy to pass up and she had enthusiastically and seductively not only agreed to the suggestion, but had thanked her boyfriend for as long as she could before leaving.
With Thursday being a free day for him, Scooter decided he would actually go about setting up the long forgotten cabin. His uncle, business mogul JP Grosse, had acquired a couple of cabins and other retreats for when he needed to get out of town or needed to host a meeting that needed to be away from prying ears and eyes. This particular cabin was located in the midst of Anderson Valley, a region within the Northern California county of Mendocino, and just a few hundred miles north of San Fran.
JP, who loved his wine as much as his cigars, had picked the location because of the winemakers in the area and for the occasional reason to enjoy the sight and sound of Dry Creek, a nearby watershed that you could view from the front porch. The area itself was close enough to reach neighboring Sonoma County, as well as some of the state parks that were only a drive away. When JP died, many of his businesses and properties reverted to Scooter, as the Muppet’s only living relative, including the several cabins he owed.
Now while Scooter didn’t need several cabins, he did keep claim on at least two – one in upper state Colorado and the one in Northern California – and just rented out the others when people were interested in staying for a vacation.
Since he hadn’t actually been to the cabin in…well, since he had first discovered he owned it, Scooter thought the day was the perfect time to go up and scope it out. In the best case scenario, he would find it intact, if not needing a major cleaning; in the worst case, he would find it devoid of anything – furniture, food, heat – and he would either need to supply these things within a week’s time or find a secluded hideaway elsewhere.
It was with crossed fingers Scooter left his townhome, got in his car, and headed up to the cabin.
It was a little over a seven hour drive up to the cabin and depending on what he needed to do, Scooter had a vague feeling he was going to need a steady stream of coffee to get him through. On the way, he stopped at one of many coffee shops that he and Kermit frequented when they knew their day would be long and insane, before heading out onto the Santa Monica freeway and getting on the San Diego freeway towards North Valley.
Thankfully for him and the drive, Scooter was a morning person who could equally be a night owl as well. If traffic was decent for the day and the hour, he would get there before 3pm, not including any stops he would need to make. In hindsight, the thought of just flying out did occur to him and it would certainly be counted as a consideration, should Amanda want it. However, driving trips could be fun on their own and certainly when you had a person as pretty as Scooter’s girlfriend by your side.
Driving as fast and as safely as he could, Scooter spent the next six hours – cutting off one hour and five minutes – from his initial trip, thanking the heavens that he was able to miss both morning and lunch traffic on his way. It took him a bit to actually find the place, but when he did, he was quite surprised at how well it had kept up.
A single story brown shingled cottage, the front was decorated with a small wooden log porch, complete with chairs and table; the set had been covered with a large tarp in order to prevent wear and tear on the wood during the winter months and Scooter was grateful he had remembered to do that the last time he was here. The tarp itself was faded slightly from sun exposure, but the table and chairs underneath were perfectly fine and the idea of a romantic dinner outside appealed to him just looking at it.
The door was a heavy dark wood, with a diamond shaped stained glass window at its front. Scooter tried his best to look inside and see what type of damage was there, but couldn’t make out any features; taking a deep breath, he selected the door key and placed it in the lock. Unlocking the door and opening it slightly, Scooter was ready to accept the neglect of this once beautiful cabin, but discovered that everything was as it was supposed to be.
Having only been up the once and thinking he would only be using it on occasion, or worse letting others use it on occasion, the red head had actually never been inside. Oh, he had looked at as best as he could around the outside and made sure it couldn’t be broken in to, but this was his official look inside and he was literally floored at the majesty of it.
The living room was first, giving sight to a nice, plush suede couch that faced a large fireplace done in brick and complete with a mantel. To either side were a bedroom, making it a two bedroom cabin, both having their own master baths. In between the door and the area of the bedroom to the left was a small study area, with desk, chair, armchair, and bookshelf that was already populated by books.
Venturing in further, Scooter closed and locked the door behind him and looking around in awe. Next to the fireplace was the doorway that led to the kitchen. It was obvious his uncle had renovated the place before his death, as it looked like the kitchen appliances were new, very new in fact, as Scooter went to investigate. The fridge was a stainless steel two door, with one side being a fridge and the other a freezer; the freezer side held a water and ice dispenser.
A not so recent memory came to him, though it had been several years ago, of him telling the agent of his desire to keep the cabin up to regulation and any changes in technology. That had been the time in which he was about to start his internship with Google and right when the Muppets were about to break up; of course the agent had adhered to his wishes.
The fridge was bare, so it meant that Scooter and Amanda would need to plan and pick up food for their four day weekend. And speaking of which, Scooter grabbed his phone; in the excitement of planning and getting the go ahead, he had completely forgotten to ask Kermit if he could have next weekend off. It would easy, as they had a two week hiatus coming up, but it was the Muppets; even a vacation never seemed to stop them from coming up with ideas for the show.
With his boss on his mind, it was still a surprise when the phone rang with the very frog he needed to speak to. “How weird,” he began, after answering. “I was just going to call you.”
“Great minds think alike,” Kermit quip. “What did you need to call me for?”
“I wanted to ask you a favor.”
“That is weird,” the frog replied. “That was the reason I was calling you.”
“Kermit,” Scooter said. “I think we’re seeing too much of each other. We’re starting to think alike.”
“It’s only dangerous if Piggy or Amanda get jealous,” the frog retorted. “You first then, what’s the favor?”
“I wanted to know if I could possibly take next weekend off,” he began. “I’m actually up at the cabin, you know the one my uncle left me? I wanna bring Mandy up here and…show it to her.”
“Right,” Kermit muttered, but the true weight of the statement actually hit him. “Oh right! Right, I got you. Sure, Scooter, that’s fine, though I’m not sure how I’ll control the inmates without you.”
“I bet you’ll manage,” Scooter chuckled. “Besides, you got Piggy; everyone will listen to her.”
“You’re talking about Miss Piggy, right?”
“Don’t let her hear you say that.”
“I never do.”
“So what was your favor?”
“Hmm?” asked Kermit. “Oh yeah! Well, actually I was hoping you could find a nice little vacation spot for me and her royal highness.”
“For this weekend?”
“No, no, of course not,” he said. “And obviously not next weekend either, with you being gone. Maybe the weekend after that?”
“Well,” Scooter began. “Why not next weekend? We have two weeks off.”
“Wait, is that next week?” Kermit asked. “I thought that was in two weeks.”
“Chief, you really need to use your calendar more.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Kermit grumbled. He never liked being reminded about the move away from traditional things to that of technological things. “Well, I’d rather not jinx it; I’ll still go the week after. That way, someone is still in charge.”
“Boss, you can put a number of people in charge.”
“That way, someone sane is still in charge.”
“Are we still sane?”
“We’re toeing the line,” Kermit replied. “But there’s still some sanity left. Anyway, got any ideas where we could go?”
“Why not come up here?” the page suggested. “It’s a seven hour drive, but I was thinking that it couldn’t be more than an hour if you and Piggy wanted to fly up. You could easily rent a car from Santa Rosa and it’s probably less than an hour, assuming you won’t get lost.”
“Which means I’ll probably get lost,” Kermit quipped. “You sure you don’t mind?”
“Kermit, if I minded, I wouldn’t have suggested it,” Scooter retorted. “No, this place is perfect. Nice comfy couch right in front of a fire place; I’m heading into one of the bedrooms now.”
“More than one?”
“Two,” the assistant said. “And they both seem to be master bedrooms at that, each with their own private baths. Ooh, this one has a sauna tub. I know what room we’re staying in.”
“What’s the other one look like?” asked Kermit.
“Hold on, I’m headed there now,” Scooter replied, leaving the bedroom on the left and heading to the one on the right. “And I must say, quite happy about the reception out here. Not complete full bars, but obviously I’m getting a clear signal in talking to you. Okay…ooh. This one’s nice too. Both have queen, king size beds, full closet…there’s a sauna tub in here to, not as big though.”
“That sounds exactly what I’m looking for,” Kermit whispered. “Scooter, once again…”
“I know, I’m the best.”
“And so very modest about it,” the frog quipped.
“Hey,” Scooter said. “The fridge is completely empty, so I’m thinking we’re gonna have to stock it when we come up. Want us to pick you up anything? That way you’ll have food when you get here.”
“Aw gee, thanks buddy,” Kermit said. “I’ll talk to the wife and find out what she wants. And you’re sure you don’t mind?”
“Kermit…”
“Okay, okay,” the frog said. “When did you want to leave me to run the asylum by myself?”
“Next weekend,” Scooter said. “The 7th to the 10th. Then you can have the next weekend; take it for four days.”
“So the…14th to the 17th?”
“Right,” Scooter said. “And don’t forget to put it in your calendar. In fact, we share a calendar anyway, so if I put it in, it should show up on yours.”
“I think I’m capable of writing this down, in a timely fashion, on an electronic calendar.”
“I’m sure you are, however…”
“Scooter,” Kermit said, sternly. “I’m not a child. Trust me on this; I can do this and if, as you say, it shows up on your calendar, then you’ll be able to change it in the case I’m too inept to figure it out.”
“I never said you were inept…”
“It was implied.”
“You know,” the page said. “I’m starting to think you’re spending a ton of time with the pig; now you’re thinking like her.”
“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”
“I bet you didn’t even notice you called her your wife fifteen minutes ago.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“I’m sure I said…” Kermit stumbled, but he really couldn’t justify a reason for him to deny it. “Willful person.”
“You’re stretching,” Scooter retorted. “Really, really far. Alright, I’ll let you off the hook this time, as long as you put this in your calendar.”
“Yes sir, Mr. Grosse, sir!” Kermit said, smartly. “Anything else, sir?”
“Yes,” Scooter replied, in the exact same tone. “Assemble the minions; we’re going to have a long talk about back sass.”
It was a testament to not only their friendship, but their close ties to each other that neither got offended by the jests, in fact, they both started laughing at the word ‘back sass’. “Alright Kid,” Kermit said, though still chuckling. “I’ll let you go to explore. Besides, I have calendar entries to put into this phone of mine.”
“I’ll be back tonight, for sure,” Scooter added. “Coffee tomorrow?”
“Sure,” the frog said. “Let’s make it nine, instead of eight; I figure you’ll be a bit tired tomorrow.”
“Nothing a large coffee can’t fix. See you tomorrow, Boss.”
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