Hey, first time I've been posting in a while. I don't want to come to the forums with my problems but I've had troubles with a girl gnawing at me for a while, I can't post about this on Facebook god forbid she sees it, other forums have their piranhas, the folks at Muppet Central I can at least trust to listen, especially since I've mentioned her before. It's a long story that comes even before the past few months, in fact we need to go back to 2012...
In summer 2012, I began lifeguarding at a municipal pool about 20 minutes away from where I live. When I started, considering what a hair-pulling experience getting my lifeguard certification had been (though at least now I know that I can take certification courses and pass, even with depression bugging me), I was only looking to spend a summer, get money, get out. No intention on getting involved with anyone in any capacity. That all changed when I saw her for the first time. We'll just call her Jenna. The first time I saw Jenna, I was heading out of work for the night and I saw her sitting on the benches waiting for her mother to pick her up. She wasn't wearing a guard uniform so I assumed she was just some young lady spending a day at the pool on her own. My first thought? "She's cute." As I drove home that night and into the night, my thoughts couldn't help but keep going back to her. Imagine my surprise the next day when I realized she actually worked as a lifeguard too! I became smitten right there but always way too nervous to actually approach her, unless she approached me. I wanted to ask her out so badly but couldn't get myself to do it. Being on a time limit since she was leaving for school that August didn't help the cause much either. Finally, the opportunity came. My mom had been bugging me all summer to use a Groupon certificate for a free two hours of bowling for four people that was close to expiring and suggested I invite Jenna and two other people from work. I swallowed my pride and sent Jenna a message on Facebook asking her about it. And she said yes. I was beyond happy, even when I had to delay our night a few days for personal reasons she was still willing to go. But it all came crashing down when I couldn't find two other people to go with us. So we ended up not going at all. That experience took more than a little spring out of my step but knowing I got her attention, I offered to treat her to a movie a few days later. That night ended being the night before she left for school. At this point, I knew it was a now-or-never, I confessed to her that I liked her. I knew there was the chance I would never see her again if neither of us came back to the pool the next summer, so I just had to tell her. I was ready to move on with a heavy heart. But then I actually read her response, she had told me that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. She didn't want to date because she was just about to start school but she was absolutely willing to stay friends. Unfortunately, our hectic schedules during the semesters and our own separate lives led to us only talking twice during the school year. But once the summer came, I was ready to pick up exactly where we left off.
Summer 2013 came and the pool opened up again, then the first day of work I was ready to talk to her again but when I saw her, I just choked. I tried to approach her but I just couldn't. Not wanting to start the summer off on a sour note, I quickly sent her an e-mail apologizing for not approaching her and my shyness. I felt beyond weird doing so, but I felt like I had to. Thankfully she could tell I wanted to talk and could understand being a little shy so from there we got to talking more. Two weeks into the season, I asked her if she'd want to hang out sometime. She said yes. This is where everything starts becoming a mess.
A few days later, I asked her if she'd want to go see a movie the next night. She said there was nothing she was in a huge rush to see, there was the chance her parents needed her home that night, but she could be flexible if possible. I decided we should just call it off for another time when she knows for sure she can be free. A week later, I ask her again if she'd want to hang out. Our schedules don't match up. A week later, I ask her again. Our schedules don't match up (but of course she has plenty of time to go to one of our co-worker's party on the 4th of July). At this point, I had all but given up. But on a more positive note, she did let me have her phone number and responds to texts whenever I send them to her. So maybe there was a chance.
A few weeks had gone by before I asked her again if she wanted to go see a movie. We talked on a Friday about if she had any free days that week, she told me she could possibly do that Tuesday and would let me know on Monday night about really planning things. It seemed like it was working, I asked her a few days in advance and she gave me an answer and it looked like we were finally going to go out. That all came crashing down Monday night. To her credit, she texted me without me texting her first, but she cancelled. Gave no reason. I was too nice to actually ask her why. But I was still devastated, I was a wreck the entire rest of the week. She had finally done it. I couldn't focus on or enjoy anything because of her. I was in actual pain.
I tried everything, taking walks, hanging out with my real friends, watching movies I enjoy, nothing worked. I finally had had it. Since she was on vacation, I sent her a lengthy e-mail (figured it would be the last thing she would check) that basically said "I don't want to hang out with you if all you are going to do is constantly cancel, it's really hurting me. Maybe there's a chance we can be casual friends but I can't do this the way we have anymore." Making it very clear I didn't need her sympathy. She actually responded within a few hours and sincerely apologized for what she caused. She told me she would invite me to meet her friends at some point and that she would like to meet my friends some time. She said she would leave it up to me to decide whether or not I wanted to leave it be, but she would understand if I wanted to abandon her. I decided to accept her apology only because she didn't seem to be bull-spewing me. If she had given a blatantly bad apology or none at all (I was expecting the latter), I would have left her in a heartbeat. It was with some trepidation I began to talk to her again. I asked her to hang out once or twice after that but she always seemed to have something going on (and there's always evidence that she is, be it Facebook posts or someone mentioning to me that they saw her). Then she left for school again, leaving me devastated I spend a whole summer pursuing Jenna leading to nothing. In a last-ditch attempt to show her that I still cared even a little, when her birthday came around, I ordered her a $25 Barnes and Noble gift card and had it sent to her as a present. She seemed really happy that she got something from me so I figured it seems like we were going to definitely be friends of some sort. We text each other during the semester just to check-in with each other, nothing too deep, heck I'm the one who texts first 100% of the time. She expressed interest in hanging out over winter break if she had the time, I asked her to hang out once over this winter break, but she had been out with her friends that day and was tired. Then she went to Israel and is basically going right back to school from there.
I don't understand girls like Jenna... I don't get that, if she didn't have some regard for me or didn't want to hang out, why she would respond to my texts, let me have her number, keep me as a Facebook friend, all while knowing I do like her. If you read all of this and want to give your two cents to it, please do. Nothing here seems to add up to me.