When Fozzie Lost His Funny

Fragglemuppet

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Yes, but you do realize finding him is probably the second easiest part next to writing the script, right?
About al l I can do is second everything everyone else has said. Oh, and a few special loves of my own...
I love the way everyone was up all night, Kermit finally finishing the script ahead of the deadline, and the trip to the canteen in between. I don't know if you had this in mind, but it had kind of a college feel to it, especially with all of them feeling so incredibly tired, yet optomistic the next day!
I love the way you show the depth between them, and I love all of your characterizations in general, especially all the phone messages, both in the beginning of course, and the most recent one from Scooter. Speaking of phones, great choice of ringtone for Kermit! Shows his modesty and loyalty to his friends, not using Rainbow Connection, but all the same using a song that has such a close personal meaning.
Finally, I'd like to appologyze for missing so much! Ed's right. With this new fanfic wave, which I think is the biggest we've ever had all at one time, it's kind of hard to keep track sometimes. But you sound like a good and fun guy yourself, and I look forward to getting to know you better, too.
More soon! Please?

Kate
 

ReneeLouvier

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I adore this story!! I love it so much! Muffin cannon, me and Scooter!! I save my boyfriend from getting karate-chopped by Piggy!! Yay!!!

Gonzo splattering muffins all over Emily's yard. Ma had better watch out, or she'll have fire ants swarming all over the yard!
 

Java

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I hope they find Fozzie soon and are able to talk some sense into him.
 

MarkFraggle

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Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Two small-ish turtles walked together through the forest on their way home, heads hanging and feet dragging. It had been another rough night for the aspiring young duo, who wanted nothing more than to entertain people, to make people smile. Unfortunately, they had been roundly unsuccessful at this goal thus far in life.

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Tommo," said the female turtle with a resigned sigh.

"What're you talking about, Emma?" the only slightly older male turtle replied incredulously. "We can't give up now, not after trying for so long."

"Face it, Tommo. We just aren't any good at entertaining. We weren't cut out for showbiz."

"That's not true! We've had 6 gigs this month!"

"Tommo, open mic night at The Happy Penguin is NOT a gig!" insisted Emma.

"Sure it is! We did great tonight. And that was just the start."

"Great?! What great? Tommo, we were chased off the stage!"

"Yeah, but not right away," challenged the persistently optimistic turtle.

"After three minutes!" Emma threw in his face.

"Right! We were on stage for nearly three minutes! That's a new record for us!"

Emma sighed, laughed, and tripped. She sighed because she was frustrated, she laughed because the irrepressible good humor of her friend Tommo was always infectious, and she tripped because she had trod on somebody's paw.

Tommo caught Emma, and as he steadied her the two looked down to determine the cause of her trip. Emma gasped in shock.

"Soft shells, Tommo! Look. Aw, the poor thing! Do you think he is still alive?"

Tommo examined the pile of fur with a critical eye.

"What is it, Emma? Are you sure it was ever alive to begin with?"

"Oh, Tommo, Don't be cruel. Can't you see? Its a bear."

"It is? Looks like a moldy rug."

"Hush, and help me check on him."

Emma grabbed a nearby stick and cautiously prodded Fozzie's prone form. The bear responded with a soft exhale.

"Oooooh, Tommo!" squealed the softhearted Emma. "He IS alive. We have to help him!"

"Right enough, Emma," grumbled Tommo cheerfully. "Couldn't be having with an ugly rug here in the middle of our forest. It'd look much better in front of the fireplace at home."

"Tommo!" cried an offended Emma. "What a truly awful thing to say."

"Where he can warm up a bit and have a nice dinner, I was going to say," added the playful Tommo.

Emma slapped Tommo for his cheekiness, but there was no malice in it.

"You're so mean," she declared.

"Mean?" protested Tommo. "What's mean about a nice dinner and a warm spot to sleep?"

"Mean to me," replied a bemused Emma.

A soft moan from Fozzie quickly killed their playful mood, and the two kind turtles immediately set their minds to the task of transporting a bear much larger than either of them. Eventually, they rigged up a device which could best be described as "probably the furthest thing away from an actual sled you could make while still calling it a sled," and through much strain and heaving, lashed the bear to it. Each turtle took a bit of rope over their shoulders, and pulling mightily, they began to drag the bear through the forest.

"You know, Emma, this has been a picture perfect day," said Tommo, who was rarely able to last longer than a few seconds without hearing his own voice. "When I woke up, I said to myself, 'Tommo, today is your day. You can miss breakfast, break your best walking stick, get chased off the stage for the fifth consecutive ...

"Sixth," interrupted Emma.

"...sixth, thank you, for the sixth consecutive performance, and when you are just about beat hollow, you can drag a bear through the forest on a shed made of tree bark."

"Happy to oblige," Emma stated cheerily. "Anything else I could do to bring your day closer to perfection?"

"No, I think this about caps it off," answered Tommo. "I just can't imagine this day being any more wonderful."

With that pronouncement, the heavens opened with a tremendous clap of thunder, and a gale storm poured down on the two turtles.

"Well, there is that," said Tommo.

Emma threw back her head and laughed mightily. Tommo joined in seconds later, and the two turtles regained their spirits. They continued to exchange playful banter for the next two hours as they slowly pulled Fozzie along. Eventually, they arrived at a humble cabin in the woods -- barely a mile from the hibernating caves, in fact -- and deposited a wet, motionless Fozzie Bear in front of an empty fireplace. Tommo sank into a nearby chair in relief, glad to be done with the hard work.

"Tommo," said Emma politely, "this idea of yours was a very kind one."

"Why thank you, Miss Emma, my lifelong friend," replied the tired but upbeat turtle playfully.

"I am sure the poor dear will benefit astoundingly from the virtues of your plan," continued Emma.

"That he will," agreed Tommo.

"But, my dear Tommo, I would point out that perhaps you could make one small change," continued Emma, "to even further benefit the health of this luckless creature."

"And what, pray, would that be, my lovely turtle friend?" asked Tommo, continuing in their game of mock-politeness.

"Oh, nothing big, nothing big," assured Emma. "It is barely a trifle of a thing. I simply thought our bear friend may gain even more from his current position if there was, perhaps, such a thing as a fire happening in the fireplace."

"Why my thoughtful Emma, what a wonderful idea!" replied Tommo, as he hopped out of his chair with feigned energy. "Allow me to retreat to the glorious nature around us and gather some wood for a fire. And while I am gone, you could perhaps cook dinner for the hapless bear. And maybe for the hapless turtle as well."

With that, Tommo exited the cabin. Emma smiled in admiration at her kindhearted friend as she ambled over to the stove. Tired though he may be, and terrible as the weather was outside, the turtle gave no complaints -- in fact, never had even a second thought -- about heading back into the elements for the good of a stranger. And while Emma considered the virtue of Tommo she searched through their sparse cupboards for the very best of their meager foodstuffs, never once giving a thought to the generosity of her own actions.

As Emma was putting the finishing touches on her stew concoction, Tommo trundled back into the room beneath a very full armload of wood. He'd covered the wood with his jacket, hoping to preserve some dryness. Mostly, it just served to make Tommo even more wet and cold.

"I ran into Bonsai," explained Tommo as he piled the wood near the fireplace. Bonsai was a beaver friend of the turtles. "When I explained everything to him, he helped me find a small tree that'd been mostly protected from the rain, and then cut it down for me."

"That's just like our Bonsai," Emma exclaimed happily. "You should've invited him for dinner."

This suggestion seemed to run completely in the face of the small amount of food in the cabin, but Emma was the sort of person who firmly believed any meal could always be stretched for one more.

"I did," replied Tommo.

"And?"

"And he smiled and ran off. You know how Bonsai is."

"Wonderful creature," mused Emma.

"Wonderful and totally round-the-bend," corrected Tommo.

"Well, he is a bit ... eccentric," admitted Emma.

"At least we got some dry wood," said Tommo, turning the conversation back to the situation at hand. "How's the bear?"

"He hasn't moved." Emma's tone dropped from lighthearted to sincere concern. "I don't know how we'll get him to eat."

"Maybe warming up will help him," offered Tommo as he built a fire with the driest of the pieces of wood he'd hauled home.

"I hope so."

Emma and Tommo sat together a few feet from Fozzie's motionless form and ate a bit of dinner. When they were finished, Emma hung the pot with the remaining food over the fire.

"Keep it warm until he's hungry," she explained optimistically.

The sat together on the floor, unable to take their eyes away from the pitiful bear on their floor. Hours passed in near silence, only occasionally punctuated by a thunderclap or one of the turtles making a small observation about their unlucky guest. The storm raged on relentlessly. All the while Tommo faithfully tended to the fire, fearful of what might happen to the bear should they be unable to return warmth to his body.

As the night wore on, Emma began drifting off; asleep against Tommo's shoulder. With no one else to keep him company, Tommo began talking to Fozzie.

"C'mon, Mister Bear, you've gotta pull out of this. Slumped over in the forest is no way to die. And besides, I don't want somebody dying in my cabin, it's creepy, okay? Lookit, there is a whole big world out there to conquer, and you're gonna pass it up to die here? There are..."

Tommo's monologue was suddenly interrupted by what would sound to the common ear like a war cry of some variety.

"Whaaaahoohooohaaaa!"

Emma's head snapped up, and her eyes instantly met Tommo's.

"Bonsai," they said together, eyes sparkling.

A few seconds later the door flung open, and a bundle of fur and teeth flew into the room and rapidly shook the water off itself. When it finally ceased moving, it looked up at the turtles with a wide, honest grin.

"Huyip!" he said happily.

"Oh, Bonsai! It's good to see you!" gushed Emma. "But why're you here so late?"

"Aaaaa-chaaa!" declared the beaver, as he pulled his belt from around his waist and held it aloft proudly, as if it were some sort of trophy.

"Your ... belt?" asked a confused Emma.

"Don't be silly, Em," answered Tommo. "He's got something in his belt."

Bonsai nodded eagerly, and opened several pouches, producing a collection of leafy green ferns.

"What is this, Bonsai?"

"Chee! Chee chee!" Bonsai pulled a miniature mortar and pestle set from another pouch, and empathically ground the foliage into a fine powder.

""Aaaaa-chaaa!" he stated as he held the bowl out for inspection.

Emma and Tommo leaned in to have a look.

"It's very nice, Bonsai," said Emma diplomatically. "Very ... green, and ... and, powdery."

Bonsai shook his head and clucked in bemused disapproval. While Tommo and Emma watched in bewilderment, Bonsai danced across the room to the fireplace and flung the powder into the flames. A thin, grey smoke quickly began to fill the room. Emma coughed on the acrid taste.

"Bonsai, it’s burning my eyes! What is that stuff?"

"Geeeeh," Bonsai waved a paw dismissively.

The smoke continued to form, although it never got particularly thick. Emma rubbed her eyes as smoke-tinged tears trickled out.

"Why'd you go and do that, Bon?" asked Tommo.

Bonsai turned and stared at Fozzie, pointing at him dramatically. The turtles then noticed the bear was softly coughing. In a matter of seconds, he sat up and began rubbing at his eyes fiercely to clear the smoke from them.

"Aaaaa-chaaa!" Bonsai declared in triumph.

Emma rushed to hug their friend.

"Oh, well done, Bonsai!"

"Well done indeed," echoed Tommo, who was right behind her.

"What's going on?" asked a groggy Fozzie Bear, who was now staring at the three creatures.

Emma instantly rushed to his side, and nearly hugged the life out of the very confused bear.

"Huyip," offered Bonsai in friendly greeting.

"Don't mind Emma," remarked Tommo as Fozzie continued to look entirely baffled. "She's a very soft-hearted turtle. Hey Emma, don't you figure the bear is hungry?"

Emma dropped her hug and covered her mouth with her hands in shock.

"Oh, I completely forgot! How rude of me to not think of it immediately. Would you like something to eat, Mister Bear?" she asked. "Of course you would, let me get you some stew."

Emma dashed to the cupboards to find bowls.

"Fozzie," said Fozzie in slow reaction to being called Mister Bear. "Fozzie Bear."

"Tommo," replied Tommo, extending a hand in greeting. “The huggy one is my lifelong friend Emma, and this here," he gestured at Bonsai, "is Bonsai, smartest beaver in the forest."

"Goo," said Bonsai shyly, kicking at the floor in front of him in embarrassment.

Fozzie shook Tommo's hand, still confused, but slightly relaxed by the kind treatment he was receiving.

"Um ... why am I here?" asked Fozzie finally.

And as Emma presented Fozzie and Bonsai with a very late dinner, Tommo told Fozzie how he'd come to be lying on their floor. As he was finishing the tale, Emma interrupted him suddenly.

"Wait!" she burst out. "Fozzie Bear as in Fozzie Bear of The Muppets? THE Fozzie Bear?!"

Fozzie shook his head sadly. "Not anymore."
 

redBoobergurl

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Funniest. Chapter. Yet.

I LOVE the addition of these new characters! Bonsai cracks me up! I also really enjoy Tommo and Emma, they remind me of someone, an old cartoon or something when they do the "polite" routine. Poor Fozzie, I'm so glad they found him and are warming him up. I'm anxious to see their reaction to why he's no longer with the Muppets.

Great chapter, I'm really enjoying this story!
 

Java

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You reached in and pulled out my heart when Fozzie said "Not anymore." Love the turtles and Bonsai reminds me of the Koozbane aliens.

Can't wait for more.
 

Java

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I meant to add that the Koozebane aliens are some of my favorites so I'm really enjoying Bonsai!
 

MarkFraggle

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Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

"What do you mean, not anymore?" asked a suddenly very concerned Emma. "You can't mean ... they fired you?!"

A deep frown creased Fozzie's entire face. "No, they didn't fire me. I quit. Well ... sorta quit. I mean ... well ... see, I ..." Fozzie gave up trying to explain. "It's complicated."

"Hui?" asked the confused Bonsai, a clear look of dismay on his face.

"I'm just ... I'm just not funny any more," offered Fozzie in explanation. "I lost my touch. I lost my magic. I don't deserve to be on stage with them anymore."

"Geeeeeh," said Bonsai, waving his paw dismissively. It was clear he did not believe Fozzie Bear capable of losing his funny.

Fozzie, however, continued to look as sad as any living creature could. Bonsai hopped over and pushed up on the corners of Fozzie's mouth.

"Wockawockawocka?" tried Bonsai with as big a smile as he could muster.

Fozzie patted him on the head and gently pushed him away. "Sorry," was all he could say. Bonsai now looked like he wanted to cry as well. Barely withholding tears, the diminutive beaver dashed forward and gave Fozzie a quick hug before jetting out of the room. Fozzie sighed heavily.

"Look, I even made the beaver sad. I told you I lost the magic. I shouldn't be here. I need to leave. I shouldn't be around anyone anymore. I'm no good for people."

Fozzie stood up and made to leave. As one, the turtles barred his way.

"Can't be having with that, Fozzie old chap!" declared Tommo quickly. "Just wouldn't do."

"Right you are, Tommo my old friend!" chimed in Emma quickly. "What would your good, kindly mother say if she knew you let a poor, worn-out bear walk out without getting him back on his feet?"

"She'd say 'shame on you, you horrible little turtle. Your mother raised you better than that. You are an embarrassment to the entire Turtle family, you are. Your grandfather, may he rest in peace, would give your ears a good boxing if he were around to see this.' That's just what she'd say."

"And you wouldn't want to disappoint Tommo's poor old mom, now would you?" demanded Emma of Fozzie.

"Well, no, I ..."

"Good. It's settled, then," Emma said briskly.

"Wha ... what's settled?" asked Fozzie, confused by the way the whole conversation seemed to have hijacked him.

"You'll stay with us until you feel better!" said Tommo. "Until you get your magic back, or whatever."

"No, I can't. You don't understand. It isn't coming back."

"Then you'll at least stay with us for a few days, until you don't look like the living dead," Emma proclaimed. The tone of her voice made it clear that no argument would be entertained.

Fozzie mustered as much of a grin as he could, and replied with a crisp "Yes, ma'am!" Before he could move, Tommo swept in with a wooden chair, pressing it against the back of Fozzie's knees until it essentially forced Fozzie to have a seat. Grasping for something to say, Fozzie asked the turtles what they did.

"We're performers," said Tommo proudly, his chest puffing out just a bit.

"We're failures, you mean," corrected Emma. "We've been at it for months," she said to Fozzie by way of explanation, "and it just isn't working out."

"But it will," insisted Tommo. "We've just gotta hit a break, that's all. This has been our dream since we were little kids!"

"Not all dreams come true, Tommo," said Emma sternly. "Maybe it ... "

"No, no, no," interrupted Fozzie suddenly. "You can't quit. Listen, I know just what you mean. I was there too. Getting kicked out of joints night after night. Getting booed off the stage. But it was all worth it, once I made it. Maybe it didn't last forever, but it sure lasted a long time, and it was definitely worth it. I wouldn't trade my time on stage -- my time with Kermit and everyone else -- for anything. You can't stop trying."

"Why not?" asked Emma, sharper than she intended. "You did." As soon as she said it, she clamped her hands over her mouth in dismay. "Oh Fozzie, I didn't mean ... "

"No, you're right," said Fozzie sadly. "But I had it. I was in the big show. I made it to the big dance. But for me, the show is over. The dance is done. Not for you, though. You can't quit until you've at least tasted what it is like!"

"See, Emma?" said Tommo. "How can you say we should quit when Fozzie Bear is telling us not to?"

"Weeell," said Emma thoughtfully. "He does make a persuasive argument. Tell you what -- Fozzie, why don't you help us? Coach us, or teach us or whatever. You're one of the best, you've got to know all sorts of useful tips and tricks."

"No, I can't. I told you, I lost the magic."

"Magic, schmagic. You still know the business."

"I'm sorry, but ... "

Fozzie's statement was interrupted by a long, loud howl:

"Whaaaahoohooohaaaaaaaooooaaa!"

Fozzie was terrified. "Wha ... what is that?"

"Bonsai," said Tommo simply. And no sooner had he said it than did the beaver come bursting back into the house, waving a white cloth madly above his head. When he got to the turtles and Fozzie, he carefully flattened it out on the floor in front of them.


"Bonsai," said Emma, "what're you doing with your going-to-town shirt?"

"His what?" asked Fozzie.

"Going-to-town shirt," answered Tommo. "It's his favorite shirt, see? The only really fancy piece of clothing he has. He wears it any time he leaves the forest and goes where there are lots of people."

"Aaaah," said Fozzie, nodding in understanding. "Looks like he wants to iron it," he observed as the beaver finished spreading the shirt on the floor.

Bonsai reached into a pouch and produced a pair of scissors, using them to cut a giant triangle out of the back of the shirt, which was the biggest area of cloth available.

"Bonsai!" cried a shocked Emma. "What're you doing to your shirt?"

Bonsai ignored her, and reached for another pouch, from which he pulled a giant fistful of bright red berries. He carefully and deliberately laid out the berries in a simple pattern across the triangle of cloth. When he was finished, he examined his pattern with a critical eye. After adjusting a few berries by a half-inch or so, he nodded in approval.

"Bonsai?" asked Tommo.

"Whaaahooohooo!" shouted Bonsai in answer, as he leapt nimbly in the air and landed on top of several berries. He continued in this fashion until he had neatly squashed every berry he had laid out, after which he deftly shook the cloth to rid it of pulped berries and held it aloft to examine it again. The finished product was a large triangular piece of white cloth with roughly circular pinkish-red polka dots at regularly spaced intervals. Smiling from ear to ear, he hurried over to Fozzie and before Fozzie could protest, tied the cloth around Fozzie's neck in a rough approximation of the bowtie/neckerchief Fozzie typically wore.

"Aaaaaa-chaaaaa!" declared Bonsai proudly.

Fozzie gently fingered the tie, made from the very best thing Bonsai owned. He hadn't had a necktie since he had taken his off after leaving the theater. A tear formed in the corner of his eye as he fought back a sniffle.

"Thank you, Bonsai," he said very quietly, for the first time sounding slightly like the Fozzie Bear of old. He reached out to shake the beaver's hand, only to get enveloped in yet another hug. He looked up in surrender at the turtles. "I guess ... I guess I could help you, at least for a few days."

Tommo and Emma rushed forward to join in the hug, nearly knocking Fozzie off his chair as they did.


~~~ Meanwhile ~~~


Rowlf, Kermit, and Gonzo arrived at the edge of the forest, and followed the directions Emily Bear had given them until they arrived at the hibernating caves.

"Hey Kermit, doesn't look like anyone is home," said Rowlf.

"Let's spread out and look around a bit, guys," suggested Kermit. "This looks like a big cave, he could be anywhere inside."

"Good idea," said Gonzo excitedly. "You guys take the floor, I'll check the ceiling!"

After pouring over every open room, Rowlf and Kermit met back together in the central room they'd first walked into.

"No luck?"

"Nope. Where's Gonzo? Maybe he found something."

"Whooooooooooopie!" cried Gonzo, falling from a hanging stalactite and crashing onto Rowlf. "He isn't up there either, guys."

Kermit sighed. "And this was our best idea. I'll tell you what, guys. Let's take a rest for a bit. We can spend a few hours here, in case Fozzie is out wandering around somewhere and eventually comes back."

"I like it," said Rowlf, and he sat down on the cave floor. He pulled out a harmonica, tuned up slightly by ear, and started playing softly.

Kermit cleared his throat and hummed along until he'd caught the tune. Once he found it, he started singing. As always, lyrics just came to Kermit with the music:

You can go away, my brother; you can go away, my friend.
You can leave it if you gotta, you can stop before the end.
But you can't stay gone forever, cause you know the dance ain't done,
You'll come back to us someday, cause your soul was born for fun.

You can find it in the music,
you can find it in the dance.
You can find it in the laughter,
you can find it in romance.
You can find it in a stage show,
hear it in both cheers and boos.
But most of all, my brother,
you can find deep in you.

Gonzo listened for the tune while Kermit sang, and as Kermit finished his impromptu chorus, Gonzo jumped in with a verse of his own:

Maybe you've got your ears closed, but if you'd take the chance,
You'd still hear music playing, though you refuse to dance.
The band goes right on singing, the notes are pure and strong;
the tune aches for a dancer, and you can't hold out for long.

Together, Kermit and Gonzo sang through the chorus again:

You can find it in the music,
you can find it in the dance.
You can find it in the laughter,
you can find it in romance.
You can find it in a stage show,
hear it in both cheers and boos.
But most of all, my brother,
you can find deep in you.

Rowlf finished the song with a flair and a satisfied sigh. He looked at Kermit, then at Gonzo, and could tell they were feeling just what he was -- something about a good song can truly lift your spirits, even if it is only for a moment.
 
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