TMS Script w/ Angela Lansbury

[Dil]

Forgetting all about the previous fan fic, I made, eh? Here's a better one.

Angela Lansbury played the mystery writer, Jessica Fletcher, on 'Murder She Wrote'.

For this time, this fan fic would make a tribute to the 'Beautiful Briny' Sea. The muppets wouldn't use the muppet theater, instead they would use The Muppet Submarine, to take a look under the ocean.

STYLE: Late Season 4 (circa Carol Channing, Diana Ross)

COLD OPENING/OUTSIDE THE SUBMARINE

SCOOTER: (calling out) "Angela Lansbury! Angela Lansbury! Oh, where is she? ANGELA! 15 minutes 'til submarine starts!"

(Angela appears, and audience applauses.)

ANGELA: "Hello, Scooter."

SCOOTER: "Hi! We're using a submarine, instead of the theater."

ANGELA: "Why?"

SCOOTER: "We're going in the bottom of the beautiful 'briny' sea. Your 1971 film was one of my favorites!"

ANGELA: "Why, thank you."

(Angela goes off-screen.)

SCOOTER: (close-up) "Serious. Serious talk."

KERMIT: (off-screen) "You said it!"

(Scooter looks at the right.)

OPENING THEME/OUTSIDE THE SUBMARINE

KERMIT: "It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star Angela Lansbury! (makes a shorter "yay!") MUSIC!"

(The theme plays, and orchestra is seen playing it.)

ROWLF: "I bet you'll sea this."

MUPPETS (the same ones from the 2 rows part of the every true 4th Season episode's theme):
It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights.

KERMIT:
It's time to get things started...

(The muppets pop down, except Fozzie.)

FOZZIE:
On the most intational, inferational, aquatical, marinibubstal, this is what we-- (music stops) OK,... uh, (music plays again) this is what I call the Muppet Shooww!! Now, Gonzo!"

(Gonzo blows his horn, and a foghorn sound and bubbles come out.)

I need a break. I'll be back!!

 

[BEAR]

Cool. I like Angela Lansbury.

 

[Dil]

Here's the next part:

CURTAIN/PASSENGER ROOM

KERMIT: (wearing a tux for the rest of the episode) "Ahoy there, and welcome to the Muppet Show Submarine! And the reason I'm wearing a tux for the rest of the show is because a few people don't want to see a host naked. Ahem. O-Our guest star tonight is the award-winning actress, Miss Angela Lansbury! YES, but first, in my opinion, if someone taps on a clam with top hats on, watch this."

OPENING NUMBER/UNDERWATER OUTSIDE THE SUBMARINE:
Yellow Submarine

(Two clams knocks on each other and starts singing and tap-dancing, while a the Muppet Show Submarine (which is yellow) appears in the background.)

CLAM #1:
In the town where I was born,
Lived a man who sailed to sea,
And he told us of his life,
In the land of submarines,

CLAM #2:
So we sailed off to the sun,
Till we found a sea of green,
And we lived beneath the waves,
In our yellow submarine.

CLAM #1 and 2:
We all live in a yellow submarine,
a Yellow submarine, yellow submarine,
We all live in a yellow submarine,
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine,
And our friends are all aboard, (the submarine comes closer to the clams)
Many more of them live next door,
And the band begins to play.

(The submarine is heading right toward the clams, so the clams looks back and rolls away scared.)

(that's the end of this number.)

BALCONY/SPECIAL PASSENGER ROOM

WALDORF: "You know, being in a submarine is not as bad as the theater."

STATLER: "Nope, it's REAL bad!"

(both laugh.)

STATLER: "Rate the number."

(Waldorf shows off a number 1.)

STATLER: "Well, it is the first number."

DRESSING ROOM/SUBMARINE OFFICE

KERMIT: "OK, nice try, clams, take 20."

CLAM #1: "Thanks, Kermit."

CLAM #2: "We're gonna need a SUB-stitution."

(The clams leave.)

KERMIT: "Scooter! Scooter?"

(A scooter rolls on the desk.)

KERMIT: "Oh, why does it do that when I'm not in the theater?"

SCOOTER: "That's my scooter that my uncle's uncle gave me."

KERMIT: "2 'Scooter's on the Muppet Show?! Who's on next, Scooter?"

(The scooter rolls back and forth.)

KERMIT: "I'm taking to Scooter, not THE scooter."

SCOOTER: "I introduce myself saying 'I'm Scooter'. If I was A scooter, I'd say 'I'm A scooter'."

KERMIT: "This is confusing. I-I- mean... uh-- Wait, um, who's on next?"

SCOOTER: "Uh, my scooter."

KERMIT: "Rrr, Scooter! Scooters can't--"

(The scooter rolls back and forth.)

SCOOTER: "It said scooters can go onstage."

KERMIT: "Grrr!" (leaves)

KERMIT: "Aahhh! EELS!!"

(Kermit screams, while being shocked.)

SCOOTER: "Ooh, shocking, eh?"

SUBMARINE HALLWAY

(Boppity and the Snake Frackle (who is in this scene called Fred) are looking for a place to sleep.)

BOPPITY: "Well, here's our hotel room, Fred."

SNAKE FRACKLE: "Yep, let's rest there, 'sea'ing the sea."

The next part will come soon.

 

[MartyMuppets]

Pretty clever Dil. I hope the next part really is coming soon.

No offense but since you joined MC you've started so many fan fics and seldom ever finished one that I can understand why most people would be forgetting about them.

Maybe you should try working on only one or two at a time. But you do have great potential for writing.

 

[travellingpat]

Cant wait to keep reading sounds fun!

 

[Dil]

Now it's time for the next part:

CURTAIN/PASSENGER ROOM

SCOOTER: "Aw, c'mon, Fozzie, you won't get heckled here, besides you won't hear Statler and Waldorf in the submarine."

FOZZIE: "OK, I feel less scared now."

SCOOTER: "Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzzieee Beeearrrr!"

FOZZIE'S MONOLOGUE

FOZZIE: "Hiya hiya hiya! Thank you thank you and thank YOU! Ha haa! (reads a small note) 'Here is a joke that will make you giggle, a joke is from a bear with ears that wiggle'. (wiggles his ears) Ahhhh! OK, ahem, say, a funny thing happened to me on the way in the ocean. And..."

(Most of Fozzie's next lines are uttered by a submarine sound, coming from another submarine in the background.)

FOZZIE: "...then he... what the--?!"

STATLER: (off-screen) "We did it on purpose!"

(Statler and Waldorf laugh.)

FOZZIE: "Not you again!"

WALDORF: (off-screen) No, YOU shouldn't be in the sea!"

(Statler and Waldorf laugh.)

FOZZIE: "*groan*"

(Boppity (in vaudville suit) zips in.)

BOPPITY: "Hi! I'm Boppity, a frackle whose name was never mentioned until now."

FOZZIE: "I didn't know your name was Boppity."

BOPPITY: "Oh yes. Fred told me to tell the audience my name... and a 'Cinderella' Joke."

FOZZIE: "What have you got?"

BOPPITY: "Bippity... (points at himself) Boppity... (shouts at Fozzie) BOO!!"

FOZZIE: "Whoooaaa! (runs away)"

BOPPITY: "Ha ha ha ha. I sure talk a lot here."

(Fozzie's Monologue Theme plays.)

STATLER AND WALDORF'S SUBMARINE

WALDORF: "You know, heckling 20,000 leagues under the sea."

STATLER: "How about raising the flag of the league of hatred?"

(Both laugh.)

Next time, we will see Piiigggsss Under Waatttterrrrr!!!
(and the U.K. Spot.)

 

[Dil]

Are you forgetting ALL about this fan fic?

 

[MartyMuppets]

Dil. Your fan fic is looking very swell so far, but if you're going to assume we have all forgotten about it just because replies have petered off and stop writing it, then you're really only hurting yourself.

This seems to be your problem. You have left just about every outline you've ever come up with incomplete, when many people were probably waiting for you to finish adding a good bulk of the story before giving their detailed comments.

You've got to learn to be more patient if you want to have fun and get other members to appreciate your fan fic creativity.

 

[Barry Lee]

I totally agree with Bill the Bubble Guy, Dil, grow up, and be PATIENT. Geez.

 

[Dil]

And now, the part you've all been waiting for: the next part of my fan fiction!!

PIGS UNDER WATER
(instead of Pigs in Space, it's Pigs Under Water, and the ship is a swinsub, instead of a swintrek)

ANNOUNCER: "And now, Pigs Under Watterrrr!!!"

(fades to in the submarine.)

ANNOUNCER: "When last, we left the underwater swinsub, the crew is going to find all 20,000,000,000 leagues under the sea of the planet Octomars."

STRANGEPORK: "According to the map, Link, we've now gone 1,000,000,000 leagues under the sea, 19,000,000,000 to go."

LINK: "Dr. Strangepork, you sure are a smart pig... (looking at the camera) and strange, too."

STRANGEPORK: "Strange? Ha! Maybe THAT'S why they call me Dr. Strangepork. I wonder where First Mate Piggy is?"

(cut to the operation room.)

ANNOUNCER: "And while Captain Hogthrob find the other 19,000,000,000 leagues under the sea, First Mate Piggy works at the operation room, and it was a continuing stoorrrry of a quack, who used to be an othepedic surgeon who's gone to the dog."

PIGGY: "Dr. Bob, what's the patient, now?"

(The patient is an octopus.)

ROWLF: "In here? An octopus, and the Capt'n can't come in, because it's octupied!"

(The nurses moan.)

JANICE: "Dr. Bob, that's the 1,000,000,000th league of Octomars."

ROWLF: "If I were a fish, I would be hard of herring jokes!"

(The nurses moan again.)

OCTOPUS: "Hurry up, will ya, I gotta go back to see my wife and squids"

(Rowlf laughs.)

ROWLF: "I see something fishy about this--"

ANNOUNCER: "Wait a minute! This is Pigs Under Water, not Veterinarian's Hosptital. Herr those jokes next week when we'll hear Dr. Bob--"

AUDIENCE: "Nurse Piggy! Nurse Piggy!"

ANNOUNCER: "Nurse Piggy, of course, I meant Nurse Piggy, tune in next week when Nurse Piggy will say..."

PIGGY: "I've got to go back to the bridge."

ROWLF: "What about the golden gate bridge?"

(Rowlf, Janice, and the Octopus laugh, as Piggy leaves.)

(cut back to the bridge.)

LINK: "First Mate Piggy! Where have you been?"

PIGGY: "I was working in the operation room, and then--"

(Rowlf appears with the octopus stuck on his head.)

ROWLF: (muffled) "There are 20,000,000,000 octopusses in this planet!!"

(The many other octopusses drops into the Swinesub.)

STRANGEPORK: "Oh, yes! There was 19,999,999,999 small octopusses."

(A large tentacle appears through the swinsub.)

STRANGEPORK: "And one enormous octopus."

ANNOUNCER: "Tune in next time for the replacement of Pigs in SPACE, Octopusses in Spaacccee!!"

MUSICAL NUMBER: Age of Not Believing w/ Angela and Kermit

KERMIT: "*sigh* I feel like some frog, I want the guest star..."

(Angela appears.)

KERMIT: "Hey, it's Angela Lansbury!"

ANGELA: "Hello, Kermit, what's the matter?"

KERMIT: "You know, it's more muppetive, I need you more."

ANGELA: "Now now, Kermit. You're just in the age you don't believe in."

KERMIT: "Really?"

ANGELA: "Yes. You know, listen."

(Music plays.)

ANGELA:
When you rush around in hopeless circles
Searching ev'rywhere for something true
You're a t the age of not believing
When all the "make believe" is through
When you set aside your childhood heroes
And your dreams are lost up on a shelf
You're a t the age of not believing
And worst of all you doubt yourself
You're a castaway where no one hears you
On a barren isle in a lonely sea
Where did all the happy endings go?
Where can all the good times be?

KERMIT:
You know, this is a nice song. Um...
You must face the age of not believing
Doubting ev'rything you ever knew
Until at last you start believing
There's something wonderful...

ANGELA:
There's something wonderful...

KERMIT & ANGELA:
Truly wonderful in you.

KERMIT: "You know, I feel better now. Thanks, Angela."

ANGELA: "You are quite welcome, Kermit."

I'll be back with the U.K. Spot and the rest of the Muppet Show Scenes.