TMS Script w/ Angela Lansbury

[MartyMuppets]

Very funny indeed Dil. Clever to cross over Pigs under water with Vet's Hospital.

 

[Dil]

Here's the U.K. Spot and the rest of the scene.

UK SPOT: CODFISH BALL w/ Rowlf & Sea Animals

ROWLF: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for some fun under the sea!"

(Rowlf then plays the piano, and the sea creatures, from fish to sharks to lobsters to clams to others, appear.)

ROWLF:

Next Friday night you're all invited To dance from eight to five.
All the fishes still alive are havin' a ball.
It's some affair, they'll all be there, from the Herring to the Whale.
They'll turn out to shake a scale in Neptune's Hall
Come along and follow me to the bottom of the sea.
We'll join in the jamboree at the Codfish Ball.
Lobsters dancing in a row, shuffle off to Buffalo.
Jellyfish sway to and fro at the Codfish Ball.
Fin and Haddie lead the Eels through an Irish reel.
The Catfish is a dandy man But he can't Can Can like the Sardine can!
Tunas truckin' left & right, Minnie's moochin', what a night!
There won't be a hook in sight at the Codfish Ball!
Play it Joe!
(Joe, A Gills Brother, plays a saxaphone solo.)
Each Red Snapper's looking dapper, dressed up to the gills.
The octopuses all have fun,
As they wait to see all the grunion run,
Tunas struttin' left & right, Minnie's moochin', such delight
There won't be a hook in sight at the Codfish Ball,At the bottom of the sea everyone is family.
Come and join this jamboree called the Codfish Ball.
All the Swordfish love to play. Every clam is here today.
To shell-a-brate this holiday at the Codfish Ball.
Shark and Salmon play backgammon till the break of day.
And each Seahorse is here of course, this is the place where the plaice all play!

ROWLF AND SEA CREATURES:
So come along and follow me to the bottom of the sea.
We'll join in the jamboree at the Codfish Ball.
Oh, come along and follow me to the bottom of the sea.
We'll join in the jamboree at the Codfish Ball.
At the Codfish Ball...
At the Cod - fish Ball!

THE SWEDISH CHEF

(The viewers would see a cooking house at a beach, The announcer announces the Swedish Chef this time, and then the Swedish Chef sings his usual "Bork Bork Bork" intro.)

SWEDISH CHEF: "Ee doo bord la clamie wamie.)

(The Swedish Chef has 3 clams on each hand.)

SWEDISH CHEF: (camera moves to each clam in order) "En... Tu... Tre... Fyra... Fem... Sex!! Sex Clamie Wamies! Ja ja. Hoo Hoo Hoo. Noow Noow, Me Doo A la joggle, joggle clamies."

(The Swedish Chef now juggles the 6 clams, which is difficult to do for a performer.)

(10 seconds later, he tosses the clams into the air, trying to eat them in a row, but in a few moment, nothing happened, and then a cane pulls the Swedish Chef out.)

OUTSIDE THE COOKING HOUSE

(The ones who pulled off the Swedish Chef with a cane is Statler and Waldorf.)

STATLER: "Look, Chef, no one can understand you, not even Swedish people!"

WALDORF: "Yeah, how about being called the MOCK-Swedish Chef!?"

(Both laugh.)

STATLER: "Or how about the Gibberish Chef or the MOCKGibberish Chef?"

(Both laugh again, and pull the Chef even farther.)

THE OUTSIDE OF THE OCEAN

(Gonzo is doing an act.)

GONZO: "Viewers of the beach! I, the Great Gonzo, will go water-skiing while juggling 12 clams, singing "Surfin' U.S.A.". READY???"

(The boat that holds the water-ski starts and take off.)

GONZO: "Woo-wee!"

(Music starts.)

GONZO: (while juggling the clams)
If everybody had an ocean Across the USA
Then everybody'd be surfin' Like Californi-a
You'd see them wearin' their baggies
Huara-chi
Sandals too
A bushy, bushy blond hair do
Surfin' USA

(While Gonzo continues his act, a shark appears and watch the act.)

SHARK: "Bravo! Bravo (he finds that the boat is heading toward him) Huh? (ducks, but when he gets back up, Gonzo crashed into him and he (Gonzo) fly though the 12 clams dropped and falls into the water.)

GONZO: (to shark) "That was pretty snappy."

BEDROOM

(Boppity is looking at a submarscope.)

BOPPITY: "Poor Gonzo, he is our favorite stunt artist."

FRED THE SNAKE FRACKLE: "Tsk. Tsk. Fish Sticks."

(Wooden sticks that looks like fish fall down.)

INSIDE THE SUBMARINE

KERMIT: "WILL SOMEBODY BE ONSTAGE?!"

PIGGY: "Oh, Kermie!"

KERMIT: "Ahh! There you are, Piggy! Where have you been?!"

PIGGY: "I was working on 'Pigs Under Water'."

KERMIT: "You know, I want you onstage, (looks at camera) though I'm doing the closing number with Angela Lansbury."

PIGGY: "What?!.. I-I mean... you do not want moi to be jelous, do you?"

KERMIT: "OF COURSE NOT!! You're a star, the best lady of the show."

PIGGY: "Alright, I'll sing as a mermaid."

(Miss Piggy goes 'onstage'.)

PASSENGER ROOM

KERMIT: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the wonderful fabulous, my favorite diva star, besides Diana Ross, Miss Piggy! YAaaaaayyy!!!"

MUSICAL NUMBER: LOVE HANGOVER w/ Miss Piggy and Female Fish
(If the Diana Ross Episode did not exist, Love Hangover would be performed once on The Muppet Show, and some wish the Diana Ross Episode was never produced, though, Muppets-only numbers in this episode would have been featured some where else on the Muppet Show.)

(Miss Piggy is dressed as a mermaid.)

PIGGY:
Ah
If there's a cure for this
I don't want it
Don't want it
If there's a remedy
I'll run from it
From it

Hit it!
(music increases)
Think about it all the time
Never let it out of my mind
'Cause I love you
FISH: Yes, she loves yoowoo
PIGGY:
I've got the sweetest hangover
I don't wanna get over
Sweetest hangover

(The fish oohs)
Yeah, I don't wanna get over
I don't wanna get
I don't wanna get...over

Ooh, I don't need no cure
I don't need no cure
FISH:
She don't need no cure

Sweet lovin'
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love
Sweet, sweet love
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love

Don't call a doctor
Don't call her momma
Don't call her preacher

No, I don't need it
I don't want it

FISH:
Sweet love, She loves you
Sweet love, needs love

If there's a cure for this
I don't want it
I don't want it no
If there's a cure for this
I don't need it

PIGGY AND FISH:
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love

(Audience applauses.)

ON THE BEACH
(Statler and Waldorf are wearing women bathing suits.)

WALDORF: "I hear singing."

STATLER: (sings) "I'm singing in rain..."

WALDORF: "No! The water is much more than rain. How about (sings to the tune of How Much is that Doggie in that Window?) How much is that water in the ocean? My bonnie lies under the sea..."

(Both laugh.)

IN THE HALLWAY

KERMIT: "Wonderful, Piggy! I love you!"

PIGGY: (off-screen) "Thank you. (make smooching sounds)"

KERMIT: "Angela! Angela! You're on!"

ANGELA: (appears) "Oh, thank you, Kermit. How about another song from the musical movie?"

KERMIT: "Uh... 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks'?"

ANGELA: "Yes, how about singing with me?"

KERMIT: "Uh, where?"

ANGELA: "On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea."

KERMIT: "............ OK."

(Kermit leaves.)

ANGELA: (at camera) "He's sweet, for a frog."

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA

KERMIT: "*sigh* And now, the person, you've all been waiting for... the wonderful... the beautiful briny... Miss Angela Lansbury! ANGELA!"

(The audience applauses when Angela appears.)

ANGELA: "Thank you for doing so kind to me, Kermit, even though your heart still belongs to Miss Piggy."

(Music plays.)

CLOSING NUMBER: BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS MEDLEY w/ Angela and Kermit with the sea animals

KERMIT: How pleasant-- bobbing along
Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
What a chance to get a better peep
At the plants and creatures of the deep.
We glide... (a sea horse goes into Kermit's mouth) Far below the rolling tide... (the sea horse goes out of Kermit's mouth) It's lovely, bobbing along
Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
What if the octopus
The flounder and the cod
Think we're rather odd
It's fun to promenade
Bobbing along, sing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea.

ANGELA:
It is lovely... how about this...
*ahem*

No one to miss if he's gone too long
No one to comfort if things go wrong
That's how I want it to be
Nobody's problems for me

No one who needs me to ease his pain
No one to call me his ball and chain
Nobody's problems for me
and that's how I choose it to be

No problems and strife in this life that I lead
No tempers to humor, no hungers to feed
No one to warm when the winter's cold,
No one to pamper; no hand to hold.
And that's how it always will be,
No, nobody's problems for me.

KERMIT:
"You know, you're the best, and Piggy is the same."

ANGELA:
"How about something magical?"

KERMIT:
"How exciting! Let me hear it."

ANGELA:
"OK, um... Treguna, Mekoides, Tercorum, Satis Dee."

KERMIT:
"Treguna, Mekoides, Tercorum, Satis Dee?"

ANGELA: That's right."

KERMIT: "So, what now?"

(The sea manmade things all dance.)

ANGELA:
Treguna Mekoides and Tracorum Satis Dee
I don't want locomotiary substitution
Or remote intrasitory convolution
Only one precise solution is the key
Substitutiary locomotion it must be
Treguna Mekoides and Tracorum Satis Dee
KERMIT:
Substitutiary locomotion
Lovely substitutiary locomotion
You may substututiary mystery

KERMIT AND ANGELA:
With Treguna Mekoides and a little help from me
With Treguna Mekoides and Tracorum Satis Dee

(Angela and Kermit start doing 'Beautiful Briny Sea' doing the same dance as from the movie.)

ANGELA:
It's lovely--
bobbing along
Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
What a chance to get a better peep
At the plants and creatures of the deep

KERMIT:
It's grand
When you're dancing on the sand
Each glance
Bubbles over with romance
It's lovely, bobbing along
Bobbing along through the water where we get along swimmingly
ANGELA:
Far from the frenzy
Of the frantic world above
Two beneath the blue
Could even fall in love

KERMIT AND ANGELA:
Bobbing along, singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
Bobbing along, singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny,
Shimmering shiny, beautiful briny sea.

(All the muppets applause.)

GOODBYE

KERMIT: "You know, It was wonderful with you on the show."

ANGELA: "My pleasure."

(Angela kisses Kermit!)

KERMIT: "Whoo! Anyway--"

(Scooter appears.)

SCOOTER: (sings) Oh, a sailor's life is a life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never-- Kermit?"

KERMIT: "Yes?"

SCOOTER: "You don't have go under the sea to find music, you just have to go to the theater."

KERMIT: "We'll see you next time in the theater... uh, The Muppet Show."

(The creatures from the closing number appear while Scooter says "the orchestra missed almost all of the show, you know")

(The orchestra is at the bottom of the ocean, instead of in the orchestra hole, like in the Loretta Lynn episode.)

FINAL COMMENTS

(Statler and Waldorf are relaxing on the beach.)

STATLER: "I love peace and quiet."

WALDORF: "Nothing to heckle..."

BOTH: "What?! Nothing to heckle!??"

(That's the end.)

What do you think?

I won't be back until December.

 

[MartyMuppets]

This has been very unique Dil and very imaginative.
Good work.