This is a Muppet Newsflash!

[Lisa D]

Why thank you!

 

[JaniceFerSure]

This is a Muppet News Flash: In the news: Driving roads everwhere have a new 'twist' added to them.Considering that a rollercoaster designer has been made the Head of Inner-State Highways,people are stating they now get to their destinations quicker,but not in one piece. *shakes head & leaves desk*

 

[Docnzhoss]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!

A woodchuck that could chuck wood chucked a chunk of wood and the chucked wood chunk collapsed on a rubber baby buggy bumper. There is currently a standoff between woodchucks and baby buggy drivers and authorities are at a loss...(baby buggy drivers and woodchucks enter the studio and a riot ensues. Newsman is trampled)

 

[GonzoLeaper]

(Newsman is at his usual desk, but now has DELL Windows XP PC in the background)
Newsman: "This is a Muppet NewsFlash! Computer users everywhere are reportedly being greeted with a new message when they log onto the Internet with America Online. Instead of the usual "You've Got Mail!" greeting, people are reportedly being greeted with "You've got hail!" and then being buried in a pile of rocks. These reports have yet to be confirmed."
(Newsman turns to his computer to check his E-mail)
(Talking to himself)Newsman: "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard."
(Newsman logs onto AOL)
(Background Voice): "You've got hail!"
(Newsman is buried in a pile of rocks)
Newsman: Aaaahhhh!!!!



Yeah, I know it's corny, but aren't they all? Besides, the corny ones are usually the really funny ones anyway.

 

[Docnzhoss]

When it comes to News flashes, the more corn the better.

This is a Muppet News Flash!
The government is training a corps of ears of corn to act as international spies. These ears of corn are learning to track down potentially dangerous individuals, especially those in the media who have influence over many people (ears of corn begin popping up behind him and glaring at him). I want you all to know that this is the most ridiculous concept I've ever heard. I'll trust an ear of corn the same day I trust a turtle to take...(ears of corn give a war cry and tackle the Newsman).

 

[DanDanStrawberry]

This is a muppet newsflash! It has been reported that one in 5 buildings have a layer of billions of angry cats under their floorboards. So next time you hear squeaking and scratching from your ceiling it is probably...

* Thousands of cats land on him *

Erm...Ouch.

 

[Docnzhoss]

This is a Muppet Newsflash!

There are strange things afoot this Halloween season. It appears that monsters disguised as trick-or-treaters disguised as monsters are showing up on people's doorsteps demanding candy, seven-course meals and...people. Be on the lookout for these monsters disguised as trick-or-treaters disguised as monsters. (Doorbell rings. Newsman goes to the door and opens it. Outside are three trick-or-treaters [obviously monsters in disguise]).

Newsman: Well, hello there trick-or-treaters, don't you all look so cute! Here's some candy-

Trick-or-treater #1: Hey, do you have any filet mignon?

Trick-or-treater #2: Or how about soup and sandwich?

Newsman: Well, no I...

Trick-or-treater #3: Well, then we'll just eat you!!!!!!

Newsman: No, not me, I...waahh!

 

[DanDanStrawberry]

This is a Muppet Newsflash. Today it was reported that old men keep appearing out of people's hats. So watch out for that. In an unrelated topic, I hope my viewers like this lovely new hat I've bought

* Statler and Waldorf pop out of his hat *

Statler: This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!!
Waldorf: I dont know. I quite like it
Statler: Please, the only thing you could ever use a hat for is covering up the bald!!

 

[Beauregard]

This is a Muppet News Flash:

Today there is no news because nothing disasterous has happened. Yet.

*Gets hit by lightning*

Bother.

 

[Docnzhoss]

This is a Muppet News Flash!
I'm sad to say that due to an overbearing diet of milk and cookies, Santa Claus is too fat to fly in his sleigh, resulting in the cancellation of Christmas this year. Yes, it's a sad time to be a...wait a second, this just in! Santa Claus has employed twelve new tiny reindeer and a bull-necked, red-nosed-juiced-up reindeer to lead his sleigh! Santa has reportedly been spotted on radar locally and (a loud crash is heard above the Newsman and a grotesquely large Santa falls on top of him. In a muffled voice, we hear "Welcome back, Santa").