This is a Muppet Newsflash!

[Beauregard]

*Newsman enters wearing only a large mac*

This is a Muppet News Flash

*screen goes black*

 

[Crazy Harry]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH:

*Gonzo runs in and takes the Newsman's photo*

I'm blind.

 

[Fozzie Bear]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!

Agriculturists are saying that right now is the time of year you want to plant those fast growing pumpkins, because before long all the kingdoms will be having a ball and you don't want your daughter to have to walk there. We've also been warned that all the fairy godmothers of the world are on strike, so grow 'em big and add wheels.

*looks offstage*

This isn't news, people! Who's our researcher? Hans Christian Anderson?

 

[Beauregard]

This is a Muppet News Flash

*sneezes*

Acording to unfoudned rumers...

*blows nose*

...all of this contry...

*sneezes*

...has been infected by terrorist...

*blwos nose, sneezes, blows nose*

...terrorist versions of the common...

*sneezes*

...cold.

CUT TO: A large screen is being watched by milling shoppers. Teh newsflash is being shown on the screen.

*All the shopeprs sneeze towards the screen*

CUT TO: Newsroom

*newsman gets blown away*

 

[tutter_fan]

(News music starts playing)

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH!!!!!

Sirens close to the muppet show theatre have been going off for days! When will it end! (A federal thunderbolt muppet character comes in and blasts the newsman out of the news room!)

 

[Fozzie Bear]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!

In the wake of hurricanes Charlie, Francis, and Ivan comes Hurricane Elvis! While the others are dumping tons of rain and ripping cities apart with high winds, Hurrican Elvis is burying folks under tons of fried peanut butter sandwiches, Jelly rolls, and bacon.

*The food is dumped on him*

Oh, man. And this was my good suit.

 

[DanDanStrawberry]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH:-

I am a big ugly fool and I smell, and I like to... HEY! WHO TAMPERED WITH THE AUTO-CUE!! THAT'S IT... I QUIT!!!

(Music plays and newsman storms out of the studio angrily)

:- Hey, that was the most truthful thing I've ever heard on the show!
:- I dunno, they once said the show was bad
:- DO HO HO HO!

 

[Lisa D]

Here's a Muppet News Flash:

Scientists report that the use of electric shocks on lab rats may cause an increase in efficiency and productivity. In a related story, lab rats report that electric shocks on lab rats may cause an increase in rat bites among scientists

 

[Fozzie Bear]

HA HA HA!! Funny, Lisa!!

 

[JaniceFerSure]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH: This just in from Baltimore,Maryland. Many people have been fainting all over,not realizing that they were smelling fumes from the new limburger cheese plant. I thought they were smelling me at first.<leaving desk & heard off-screen> Hey,who added that line?!