The Worst CGI Kid Films In Recent Memory

[Pig'sSaysAdios]

It's really sad that pretty much the only Christian kids' shows that actually put in some effort were Veggie Tales, a show that started in the 90s, and Davey and Goliath, a show from the freaking 50s. That's a huge age gap between those two shows, which shows just how long people haven't been trying. Although, when I was little, the "Donut Man" was pretty popular and I used to like it. I guess I can kind of see why kids liked it back than, it was basically a Christian version of Barney.

 

[Drtooth]

When it comes to Christian entertainment, I could go on a whole tangent of it ranging to hilariously cheap crap like those awful ventriloquist dummy shows you'd find on that cringevenom channel I keep bringing up, to harmful, garish, nasty, mean spirited victimization pieces like Pure Flix films (you know I watch Cinema Snob, right?).

I'd say my problem is, you can take any existing show and see that it has Christian messages in it, because a lot of those messages are universal. But when it comes to teaching something specific, it's the fact that a lot of it is clumsily and forceful, rather than gentle, friendly, and well done. Vegitales and the sister show 3 2 1 Penguins are well done by writers and artists that know how to make a good cartoon comes first, because you'll only pay attention to the message if you're entertained. Instead of being preachy, the shows come off as fun ways to learn Christian ideology, and they have a wide range of appeal. I'm not exactly religious, and I love the Penguins series.

But Dorbees is what I like to call the "Wisdom Tree" school of Christianity. A terrible product made as a quick cash grab with a Christian message slapped on to make it marketable. I just see these as a terrible MadBalls knockoff (not to say their cartoons weren't also awful) that couldn't compete in the market place, so they slapped the word "the Good Lord" into the script and said "HEY! Christian book shops! And we could totally sell toys, too, if this catches on."

It didn't.

 

[cuppajoe95]

When it comes to Christian entertainment, I could go on a whole tangent of it ranging to hilariously cheap crap like those awful ventriloquist dummy shows you'd find on that cringevenom channel I keep bringing up, to harmful, garish, nasty, mean spirited victimization pieces like Pure Flix films (you know I watch Cinema Snob, right?).

I'd say my problem is, you can take any existing show and see that it has Christian messages in it, because a lot of those messages are universal. But when it comes to teaching something specific, it's the fact that a lot of it is clumsily and forceful, rather than gentle, friendly, and well done. Vegitales and the sister show 3 2 1 Penguins are well done by writers and artists that know how to make a good cartoon comes first, because you'll only pay attention to the message if you're entertained. Instead of being preachy, the shows come off as fun ways to learn Christian ideology, and they have a wide range of appeal. I'm not exactly religious, and I love the Penguins series.

But Dorbees is what I like to call the "Wisdom Tree" school of Christianity. A terrible product made as a quick cash grab with a Christian message slapped on to make it marketable. I just see these as a terrible MadBalls knockoff (not to say their cartoons weren't also awful) that couldn't compete in the market place, so they slapped the word "the Good Lord" into the script and said "HEY! Christian book shops! And we could totally sell toys, too, if this catches on."

It didn't.

Agreed.

Oh, and the guy who created Dorbees also did a CGI Christian kids' series called Gaither's Pond: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaither's_Pond

Unlike Dorbees, though, it seems to have gotten minor success.

 

[Drtooth]

For those who don't want to dig through the runtime of the whole video, watch this lame attempt at a parody super hero parody.

I've never seen an attempt at a wacky cartoon mangled so horribly. Something tells me those songs were used without permission, considering that those performance rights would have been multiple times the budget of this cartoon. Wow. I've never seen the "foreign countries all live with Yaks" joke used so...poorly and blatantly. I don't even get the tie in to German television. And was there even a religious message in that? God only helps those who tip cows themselves?! Whaaaa?! Baffling.

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

For those who don't want to dig through the runtime of the whole video, watch this lame attempt at a parody super hero parody.

I've never seen an attempt at a wacky cartoon mangled so horribly. Something tells me those songs were used without permission, considering that those performance rights would have been multiple times the budget of this cartoon. Wow. I've never seen the "foreign countries all live with Yaks" joke used so...poorly and blatantly. I don't even get the tie in to German television. And was there even a religious message in that? God only helps those who tip cows themselves?! Whaaaa?! Baffling.

Looks like the same animation from Dorbees.

 

[D'Snowth]

I actually found that to be highly disturbing. O.O

 

[cuppajoe95]

Earlier today, I checked out the Weinstein's English dub of Foosball on Netflix (they finally decided to release it a while ago after a few delays and a cancellation).

To be honest, I don't think they mangled it as badly as they did with The Magic Roundabout, but there were still some pop-culture references here and there (including references to Twitter and YouTube).

Just thought I'd let anyone know that it did get to see the light of day, if they were morbidly curious enough to check it out.

 

[Drtooth]

Looks like the same animation from Dorbees.

...uh...cuz it's from Dorbees?

I certainly could give them some credit for trying to be funny, but they mangle everything they attempted. If no other segment comes off as a Veggitales knockoff, this one certainly does.

And...did they attempt cel shading on this segment? Doesn't look good.

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

...uh...cuz it's from Dorbees?

I certainly could give them some credit for trying to be funny, but they mangle everything they attempted. If no other segment comes off as a Veggitales knockoff, this one certainly does.

And...did they attempt cel shading on this segment? Doesn't look good.

It is? I'm sorry. I thought it was from something different from the same creator as Dorbees.

 

[D'Snowth]

I hate to continue to drive the thread off topic, but as long as we're discussing Christian messages in kids shows and movies, as an adult, it's occured to me that RECESS seemed to always find really, really subtle ways of slipping Christian messages and idealogies into the show from time to time - such as the episode "King Gus," where Gus is temporarily declared king while King Bob is away, and power goes to his head . . . there was even the scene where two little girls were fighting over a doll and Gus judged the doll would be cut in two so each girl could have half.