The Wimp Monologues...

[Super Scooter]

Actually, I know of a way I can do as many as I want to. I just won't always stick to the title of the thread.

In fact, the next two will be Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear. Not till next week, though. Too busy this weekend.

Kermit's will be very different from the two I've written so far, but... it'll also be very similair. I'll let you judge for yourself (probably Monday if I can't get to it tomorrow).

See ya then!

 

[Super Scooter]

Well, I suppose I'll do one now...

This one's a bit different. I hope you take to it...

-Kermit the Frog-​

"Hmmm. Gee, it's been a while since anyone has come to visit me. ... It sure is dark in here. Very quiet, peaceful. Almost frightening, really. Yeesh, it is frighetning! It feels like a... like a tomb. What a chilling thought. I've been in this ol' trunk thousands of times, but I didn't think it could feel like this. So empty, so cold. Last time Jim put me in here... well, I thought I'd be out by Teusday at least. I think it's much later than Teusday. In fact, I didn't realize it, but I've lost track of the time completely! Gee, I sure hope everything's okay. It's getting kind of lonely in here, all by myself. He could have at least put Rowlf in here with me. Oh, well. Maybe I'd best just entertain myself. I can wait it out, I guess. I'm sure they'll take me out of here before you know it. Hmmm, well, it's too dark to read. No T.V. in here either. Guess I'm not a big enough star yet to afford the luxury trunk. Maybe I could just sing for a while.

It's not that easy bein' green,
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I guess it could be nicer
Being red or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that...

Well, that's certainly not helping any. That's just depressing. *sigh* Gee, it's... it's really not like Jim to keep me waiting in here so long. He usually takes me out at least once in a while, either for a show or a special, or to show to some hopeful kid. I-I figured he'd be right back, actually. I figured we'd be out promoting MuppetVision or something. There's always the press to talk to. Talk shows, and stuff. What, is Regis too busy for the frog? Carson can't interview me and Jim? ... Oh, where is Jim? It's been too long. I've been locked up in this trunk for days, maybe weeks! We've been together for thirty-five years, I haven't been put away for this long in all that time. Where is he? I hope he's alright. What's going on? This is driving me nuts!!! Where is Jim???

Wait... oh, wait. The light. Someone's opening the trunk! Jim? Jim, is that you? Someone's finally come to take me out! Oh, what a relief!

Oh. Why, hello, Steve! How are you today?"

 

[redBoobergurl]

Ooh, that one was kind of deep! I like it though, it's really great writing. Keep them coming!

 

[Super Scooter]

Thanks! I really liked that one.

Ooh, that one was kind of deep!

I always liked it when the Muppets did more deep stuff, especially when they hid it. That reminds me of something I thought up a while ago, I think I'll find somewhere to write it.

 

[Super Scooter]

-Fozzie Bear-​

"Ahhh, wocka wocka! That is funny! Oh, what a great joke! This is it! The joke to beat all other jokes. Nothing can top it! No doubt about it, this is my masterpiece. You thought you heard some good jokes before, but this one takes the cake! It knocks the others right out of the water! Hits it right out of the park! It, uh... it, um... Well, I can't think of anymore analogies, but it's... the cat's pajamas! Ahhh! The banana's peel! ... Oh, I better right that one down. That's a good one. Maybe I can use it in my act. Oh, I can't wait for my act tonight! It'll be my best show ever! I'm going to debut this here, the world's funniest joke! I wonder if you can win the pulitzer prize for a comedy skit? Nah, who needs awards? The laughter is the only prize I need. Gee, Statler and Waldorf would say I had a better shot at the pulitzer. ... Oh, I hope the audience laughs! Why, of course, they'll laugh! This joke is good. This joke is great! ... I think. Well, um... I guess... I guess this last line could use a little bit of a re-write. And... well, that word's not very funny. Is there a funnier word for 'artichoke'? Well, that's not important. ... Or is it? Maybe that's what makes the whole joke! Oh, no! I ruined my whole joke with the word 'artichoke'! ... Aww, that's silly! You can't ruin a joke with just one word... can you? Oh, I don't know anymore! I'm so confused. I knew I picked the wrong question to start out with. Everyone starts out like that. Okay, Fozzie ol' Bear, just focus. Focus and you can figure this thing out. Okay, let's see here. ... Well, that line's gotta go. ... Get rid of that question... No, the middle's way too long. Too much set-up. ... 'Artichoke?' Yuck-ah! ... No, no good. No. No. No. Hmmm. ... Re-write that punchline... Okay, I think we're done here! Let's see how it reads out... *mumble mumble mumble mumble* Ahhh, wocka wocka! Now, that is funny! Kermit! Oh, Kermit! Wait till you read this great joke! No doubt about it, this is my masterpiece."

 

[sarah_yzma]

Justin, Kermit's was BEAUTIFUL. I had a tear in my eye (actually more than one, I'm such a sap!)

Fozzies was wonderful too, but Kermit's was above and beyond.

 

[Super Scooter]

Thank you! Kermit's is my favorite so far, I think. I'm glad you like them.

(psst! I think I changed a word in Fozzie's since you read it... 'artichoke', 'lima'... artichokes are just funnier)

 

[sarah_yzma]

haha. Nice change. Wanna chat on AIM?

 

[christyb]

These are amazing!! Wait why am I surprised?? The first was great of course they'll all be good. Boober's had me laughing. He was so in character I sware he coulda been sitting across from me talking. Fozzie's was funny. Artichokes are a much funnier vegetable. Kermit's had me crying. It was so deep and fit. It was great. It actually give me an idea....hmmm....

 

[redBoobergurl]

I just read Fozzie's. I loved it! I chuckled a little bit, that silly bear, I tell you. You're just doing so wonderfully with these, I'm looking forward to whoever comes next!