The Wimp Monologues...

[Super Scooter]

Here's a nice obscure character for you to enjoy...

-Shakey Sanchez-​

"Hmmm. Well, gee, it's awfully dark in here. What kinda place do they keep this dark during the day? Awfully quiet, too. It's dark, it's quiet... and damp. Gee, it sure is damp in here. What is that dripping sound? Hmmm. Well, I guess I'll just light a match here... Yipes! ... I've been eaten. ... I'm in a stomach, I... I've been eaten! Oh, bother. Not again. It's okay, I'm still alive. I'm still alive in this stomach just... waiting to be digested! Oh, why don't these monsters ever chew their food? You'd think their mothers would have taught them better. Then again, you'd think they'd have tought them not to eat some poor, innocent creature, too! I blame bad parenting for my predicament! I'll sue! Hmm. I don't suppose the big fella ever ate a lawyer I could hire. No, I guess a lawyer might constitute junk food. Too tough and gamey. Ohhhh, it is frightening in here! Is there anyone else in here? Hello? ... Oh, help. I-I-I-I-I-I-I (spit it out, bub!) ... Well, I should say the same to you! Spit me out, bub! Come on! I'm no good for ya! There's nothin' here! No nutritional value, nothin'! ... No? ... Please? ... *sigh* I guess you wouldn't, would you. *sigh* I guess I'm gonna miss my golf game this afternoon. ... Oh, well. I guess I'm here for a while. Perhaps I'll just turn on the television."

 

[redBoobergurl]

Gee, I've missed all the updates! My favorite was Robin's I think, though I liked Bobo's too. These are so fun, keep writing them!

 

[Super Scooter]

thanx!

btw, for those of you who don't know who Shakey Sanchez is, he's one of the many numerous creatures who have been devoured by Muppet monsters over the years. Most notably, the Muppet Show episode guest-starring Vincent Price in which he was devoured while he and the monster eating him sang "I've Got You Under My Skin". He was performed by Jim Henson in the sketch.

 

[Super Scooter]

-Bert-​

"*sigh* Boy, I sure do miss Bernice. She's away for the week. She went to Cincinati for the national Checkers championships. I hope she wins, but... if she does, that means she'll be away for a whole 'nother week. Oh, I don't know as I could take it. She's never been gone from Sesame Street so long the whole entire time we've known each other. I remember the day we met. There she was... oh, she was such a beautiful pigeon. She had just landed on top of a great big sign Ernie and I had painted for the National Association of W Lovers! That week, we worked out all those crazy dance moves for Doin' the Pigeon! *sigh* Those were the days. She's my favorite pet pigeon. ... She's my only pet pigeon... she's my only pet! Oh, Bernice, I miss you.

I guess I could try and take my mind off it. No use sitting around feeling sad. Let's see, I could re-sort my paper clip collection! Yeah, that's a great idea. Now, I have them sorted alphabetically now... maybe by color? ... Well... well, I guess it kinda works out the same way, doesn't it? I know! I'll read more from my Boring Stories collection! ... No, that'll just remind me more of Bernice. She always loved hearing another tale from Boring Stories. Well, maybe I'll just go through my bottle caps. It's been a while since I've gone through them. I've got my trusty handbook, The Collector's Guide to Rare Bottle Caps, and I also have the companion, A Guide to Rare Bottle Cap Collectors! Oh, now this will be so much fun! The last time I did this, Bernice and I had the time of our lives! ... Oh, it's no use. Everything reminds me of Bernice. I suppose nothing will take my mind off of her. Oh, I miss you, Bernice. ... I remember this one time, she mistook Ernie's Rubber Duckie for her cousin Harold. Eheheheheheheh! That was great. ... Well... Hey, I... I don't need to be sad about Bernice. I'll just think of all the fun times we've had together. Yeah! What a great idea! Then it's like, even though she's gone, she's still here. She'll be back soon, but until then, I can just remember all the fun I've had with my pigeon. My Bernice."

 

[Super Scooter]

yikes! That is one bright yellow!

 

[Barry Lee]

Haha I love the Bert one. Keep up the great work man!
​

 

[Super Scooter]

I have always wanted to write something for Oscar, and perhaps I will one day. However, I know I can't write one of these for Oscar any better than Caroll Spinney can, so I'll let him take care of it. I do hope to return to Oscar and write my own bit for him, but I just couldn't help but include this in the collection.

-Oscar the Grouch-​

By Caroll Spinney

"You know what I can't stand? I hate when people do things that make me happy. Give me a present of some trash, and I'm happy. But I don't like being happy... so that makes me miserable. But I like being miserable, so that makes me happy... but I'm a Grouch, and I don't like being happy. I like being miserable! But being miserable makes me happy, which makes me miserable, and I like that, so I'm happy, which makes me unhappy... I'm a mess!"

-excerpt from "The Wisdom of Big Bird (and the Dark Genius of Oscar the Grouch)"

 

[Super Scooter]

Okay, not really Rowlf. I'll write something for him eventually.

 

[Super Scooter]

-Rowlf the Dog-​

"You know, ever since I was a puppy, there's been one thing I've enjoyed more than... well, more than pretty much anything else there is to do. There's nuthin' better than the sound of a few out of tune notes on the piano. Sorta therapeutic, you know? Sure, I've made jokes about it, my Bach's still worse than my bite (and I've been practicing). But when you get right down to it, the time I've spent trying to knock a tune out of this old upright is some of the best time I've ever had. And I've had some good times.

"'There's a song for every moment, and a moment for every song.' That's a quote from someone, I think. If I'm wrong, then... it is now. But I'm not here for philosophy, I think Phil can take care of his own osophy. ... That bad, huh? Anyway, philosophy's not what I'm here for, like I said. I'm just here to play. And, sometimes... a dog's just gotta play.

"I've had the chance to play some pretty great numbers in my time, by some of the greatest songwriters of all time: Fur Elise, the Minuet in G Major (they get upset when I forget to call him 'Major'), Clair de Lune (and, boy! What a loon!). I've also had the chance to play some pretty lousy numbers, but we'll ignore them for now.

"Anyway, it's just nice to do somethin' ya love. I don't suppose a lot of people get to do that too often. When I'm sitting at the piano, it seems like nothing else matters. Maybe it sounds a little corny, but you're the one listenin' to a dog. And it's all like I said, sometimes a dog's just gotta play."

 

[redBoobergurl]

Ooh, I like it! I love Rowlf, I love it when people write for Rowlf. Nice job!