Chapter Nine
The Muppet Theater was packed. Penguins, monsters, chickens and various odd creatures waited patiently (some a bit less patiently than others) for the show to go on.
When Kermit finally came onstage, he was met with thunderous applause, which he just ate up. (If you’ve ever tried to eat applause, specifically of the thunderous variety, you realize the immense difficulty behind this task. But, of course, it’s just a metaphor, so please disregard that last sentence.)
“Hi-ho! And welcome again to the Muppet Show!” This was Kermit’s usual, excited introduction. “We have a very special act for you tonight. It’s kind of a new thing, so we hope it tickles your fancy.” Yes, tickled fancies. “So, here they are now, the Super Goofs!”
Kermit walked off quickly as the curtain went up. The stage was set with a very plain set. Green spotlights shined (or shone, but that’s just semantics [or maybe proper English]) onto a white background. The Super Goofs ran onstage excitedly and talking to one another over the audience’s wild clapping.
“This is it, gang!” Super Gofer called out. He hopped up and down a bit, and then ran to his position at center stage.
“Yes! Yes! Thank you!” Bearman said as he took a bow.
“Where’s that noise coming from?” Link said, referencing the applause as he was facing the wrong way and had no idea there even
was an audience.
Super Rat and the Whatever exchanged handshakes while the Fish Flinger flung a fish. (Flung? Flang? Flinged?)
Finally, the applause died down and the Super Goofs settled down (and the pillow was made of goose down and things will be great when you’re downtown).
Super Gofer cleared his throat and addressed the audience. “Hark! Look yonder!”
“Who’s Luke Yonder?” asked Link.
Super Gofer continued. “When danger’s near, never fear, because we’re…” He took a bold stance to say, “The Super Goofs!”
“The Super Goofs!” echoed the other Goofs.
“And now…” Super Gofer announced, but stopped. “And now…” He thought a moment. “Uh…” He scratched his head, thinking.
The other Super Goofs only stared blankly with their mouths agape.
“Oh, no!” Bearman exclaimed.
“We never wrote the sketch!” the Whatever screeched as he and Bearman both covered their eyes.
“You’d think
someone woulda noticed that,” Super Rat stated.
“Lower the curtain!” Super Gofer called out. “Lower the curtain!”
As the curtain dropped, the Super Goofs ran off, all except the Fish Flinger who exited rather casually.
“Gee,” the Fish Flinger chuckled, “I think the whole thing turned out kinda fun!” He left, and the stage was empty.
The audience was dazed, bewildered and confused. All was silent. That is, all with the exception of two old, crotchety men in the balcony, both dressed as superheroes and both applauding wildly.
“Bravo!” shouted Statler, one of the two old men.
“I loved it!” Waldorf, the other old man, called out.
Statler was dressed in yellow tights and a green mask. Waldorf was in orange with a white cape.
“That was the best thing they’ve ever done on this show!” Statler said.
“Yes, but I’ve seen better heroes in a deli.”
“Yes, yes. But the length was perfect.”
“Undoubtedly!” Waldorf nodded, agreeing with Statler. “Say, who are you supposed to be?” he asked, looking at Statler’s outfit.
“Okay, ‘who are you supposed to be?’” Statler laughed at his own very small joke.
“You old fool!” Waldorf said with a disgusted look on his face. “I meant your alias!”
“I’m…” Statler flexed his muscles (what muscles he would have at his age), “Money Man!” He looked Waldorf up and down. “What are you supposed to be?”
“Asleep if the rest of the show isn’t as good.”
“Heh! Hope you brought your pillow!”
The two laughed.
“I don’t get it,” Waldorf said, still chuckling a bit.
A doorbell rang.
“We have a doorbell?” Waldorf asked (apparently they do).
A young kid wearing a baseball cap entered the balcony carrying a large, flat box.
“Excuse me,” he said, “did you guys order a mushroom-pineapple pizza?”
-The End-