The Super Goofs!

[The Count]

Hey, 'll trade ya a pieapple nchovy lice for a pineapple mushroom Prawny. Pepperoni? On a izza? And you'd at hat? *Scratches head, hat ill hey think f ext. Eh. *Plays monopoly with Uncle D. Your move. No, you ot e candelabra iece, Prawn's the guy you've ot ocked p in he ungeon until e osts more MidAge. Scoot? He id omething r ther bout this Chapter 3 nonsese. It'll be p soon Iguess. *Rols ice moving the clock tower long.

 

[JEANYLASER]

Awesome story! I want to read more suspense!

 

[theprawncracker]

Hahahaha! ! ! Super Scoot that was AWESOME! You've got the Gonzo and Rizzo dynamic down PERFECTLY! I really must compliment your Gonzo writing... it's, honestly, perfect. Loved Gladys's little cameo and the randomness of this chapter. It's just great and your style of humor really pleases me. More PLEASE!

 

[Super Scooter]

Chapter Four

The alleyway outside the Muppet Theater was a typical alleyway, the kind you might find in your own town. Only this alleyway wasn’t in your own town. If it were, then the Muppet Theater would be in your own town, and I doubt very much that that’s the case. The usual rough-looking characters would hang out here, but even though they looked rough, they were generally a good-hearted bunch. They were Muppets after all.

The side entrance to the Muppet Theater was located in this alleyway (on the side of the building, of course). Most people (the word “people” used here in the general sense) involved in the show used this entrance.

On the steps leading into the theater stood an older gentleman, a squinter who wore glasses. His name was Pops. He was outside to place a bag of garbage in the trash can next to the door.

Super Gofer and the Fish Flinger exited the theater together, determined to find out what happened to the stolen funds.

“Hey, Mr. Gofer?” the Fish Flinger asked his associate.

“Yes, Fish Flinger?” Super Gofer replied, always maintaining his assumed brave and heroic persona.

“What are we doing out here, anyway?”

“Well, if you’re going to investigate a devious plot, you must go where there are devious people.”

This was when Bean Bunny went skipping by, merrily singing a cute little song. He disappeared into the Muppet Theater.

“Hmmm. I see what you mean, Mr. Gofer,” said the Fish Flinger, his gaze following the little bunny as he left.

“Hi,” said Pops as the two Goofs walked by him. “Who are you?”

“We are… the Super Goofs!” Super Gofer announced boldly as a fanfare played. “I’m Super Gofer."

“I’m the Fish Flinger,” said the Fish Flinger (really?).

“What do you do?” asked Pops.

“I fling fish.” He displayed his best fish proudly for all to see.

“Don’t I know you two boys from somewhere?” Pops asked suspiciously.

“Oh, yeah! We’re-,” the Fish Flinger started to say before Super Gofer, afraid the Fish Flinger would reveal their secret identity, cut him off.

“No, sir! We’re just two intrepid superheroes trying to solve a crime!”

“Well, you two better keep movin’ along. There ain’t no crimes around here to be solved,” said Pops. Despite the use of a double negative, which would imply that there were crimes around here to be solved, he really did mean that there weren’t.

A shifty green fellow in a trench coat approached our dynamic duo.

“Did you say you was lookin’ for a crime ta solve?” he whispered. “Would ya like to buy one?”

“Oh. No thanks,” Super Gofer answered. “We’ve already got one.”

"I got some real nice ones that need solvin'," the green fellow said, trying to entice Super Gofer.

"Maybe some other time."

“I see. You drive a hard bargain. Well, then,” he looked around cautiously, “how’s about a nice, new W?”

The Fish Flinger was about to take him up on this offer when Super Gofer asked, “Are you even supposed to be in this story?” He checked his clipboard, which he kept within his cape. “I don’t see you on the schedule. I don't know if you should be here.”

“Gee, I just thought I’d make a quick buck here. Ya don’t have to get all uptight about it, Mac.” He left, muttering under his breath.

“Aw, I wanted to buy one for my fish, Wanda,” said the disappointed, but somehow still cheerful Fish Flinger.

“That whole cameo seems so out of place,” Super Gofer stated.

“It was absolutely ridiculous!” shouted a scratchy, grouchy New York accent from within one of the trash cans. They all looked at the trash can confused, but decided to ignore it.

This was when Rowlf the Dog showed up. Rowlf was, of course, a dog. A large, brown one with a good sense of bad humor. He was a mellow, laid back sort, and he came strolling down the alleyway carrying two brown paper bags.

“Hey, Pops!” Rowlf called out. “I brought you back the poo poo platter! I didn’t ask what’s in it.” Rowlf handed one bag to Pops. Then he noticed the two heroes standing there, said hello, and then looking them up and down said, “Nice costumes. Where’s the party?”

“Well, they’re not just costumes,” Super Gofer noted.

“Yeah! We’re superheroes!” the Fish Flinger added excitedly.

“Hey, whatever floats your boat,” Rowlf said casually.

“Oh, Rowlf?” said Super Gofer. “You’re a dog.”

“A keen observation there.”

“Well, I mean you’re good at tracking stuff.”

“That’s profilin’, actually.

Super Gofer felt embarrassed. “Oh, I’m sorry!”

“No need. It’s true, so it’s okay.” Rowlf opened his bag and sniffed at his food.

“Well, see, someone stole the Super Goofs’ funding-“

“The who?” Rowlf cut him off, confused.

“The Super Goofs,” the gofer repeated himself.

“That’s us,” the Fish Flinger happily chimed in.

“Oh. Gotcha,” said Rowlf. “So fitting.”

“Anyway,” Super Gofer continued, “our funding has gone missing, and we’re trying to figure out what happened, but…” He hesitated, disappointed in his assumed failure. “… but we can’t figure it out!”

“And you want me to help ya find the trail?”

“Well, we can’t find anything!” the gofer exclaimed. “Not a red cent. Can you help us?”

“Are you kidding? I’m a dog! My best work is with scents,” Rowlf laughed. “But seriously, money’s always got a trail to follow.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, a paper trail.”

Although Rowlf was making a joke (a bad one), it got Super Gofer thinking. He thought of something he’d noticed earlier, prior to the events of this chapter. He looked down, and there underfoot was a small piece of paper.

“Ah-ha!” he exclaimed happily. “A paper trail!”

The Fish Flinger was intrigued. “A paper train?” he asked.

“Naw, I’m usin’ the toilet now,” Rowlf joked. “That’s a little dog humor. After all, it’s usually the little dogs that need to be paper trained!” He laughed, and was the only one laughing. “Come on, laugh it up. These are the jokes! Throw me a bone or somethin’. That’s some more dog humor there.”

“No, Fish Flinger,” Super Gofer said, continuing with his original train of thought. “It’s a paper trail!”

“How convenient,” said Rowlf.

As Super Gofer picked it up, he realized just what it was. “It’s a receipt!”

As Super Gofer looked around, he realized there were several receipts lying around, and they all appeared to make a trail leading right back into the Muppet Theater.

"Ah-ha! The trail leads right back into the Muppet Theater!"

“Wow!” said the Fish Flinger. “That’s really convenient!”

“I’ll say,” Rowlf added. “Almost as if the writer planned it.” (He really didn’t!)

“Come, Fish Flinger!” Super Gofer called out. “Let’s solve this mystery once and for all!”

“Hoo-hoo boy!” the Fish Flinger laughed.

And so, the two Super Goofs stormed back into the Muppet Theater, now near the solution of this baffling case!

 

[JEANYLASER]

I love it! I can't hardly wait for the next chapter and suspense!

 

[theprawncracker]

Hahaha! Rowlf! That was GREAT! Perfectly punny Rowlf interaction there! Very nice! You write Lew incredibly well, too! Can't wait to see more!

 

[JEANYLASER]

yeah! me too! I can't wait to read more suspense!

 

[Super Scooter]

Chapter Five

Backstage at the Muppet Theater was divided into two levels. The dressing rooms were upstairs and a large rehearsal/meeting/noone’s-really-sure-what-it’s-official-purpose-is kind of an area downstairs. Props and costumes cluttered the downstairs area, and there was a large desk here as well, also cluttered with papers and various other items.

Bearman, Link, the Whatever and Super Rat had all gathered at the bottom of the stairs. Link was shivering in his boots, nervously looking around expecting someone to jump out at him after his frightening experience earlier (see Chapter Two). The Whatever was still disappointed that he was unable to discover any significant clues, while Super Rat was pleasantly stuffed (and still searching the others for more food). Bearman loyally waited for Super Gofer to return, sure that he would have something to reveal to the group.

Super Gofer and the Fish Flinger returned at this time. Super Gofer was busy following a trail of receipts leading through the backstage area, picking up each one as he walked by them. The Fish Flinger was also busy as he imitated the gofer’s every move, pretending to pick up receipts. Super Gofer turned to look at him disapprovingly as he did this. The Fish Flinger, when he finally realized he was in the wrong, gathered his invisible receipts, smiled sheepishly at Super Gofer, and joined the others.

“Super Gofer, what do we do?” asked Bearman with that certain whine that only he could pull off without being annoying. “We couldn’t find out anything about the missing money.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” the Fish Flinger said. “He found a paper train!”

“A paper train?” the Whatever asked curiously. “Drat! Why didn’t I think of that?”

“What do you mean?”

“That sounds like a great act!”

“I don’t even want to know what you would do with a paper train,” Super Rat stated.

“Oh, it’s simple,” the Whatever explained. “It’s a death-defying ride across-“

“Men!” Super Gofer cut him off, finally looking up from the trail he’s been following. “We have found a paper trail!”

“Fish Flinger said it was a paper train,” Bearman told the gofer.

“Yeah,” said the Whatever. “You mean I could still use one of those in my act?”

“What would you do with a paper train in your act?” Super Gofer asked.

“Well-“

“No time for that now, Whatever. Tell me about it later. Right now we must follow this trail! For it leads to…!” The others looked on in anticipation. “It leads to…!” They all gasped! “It leads to…!”

“Why do you keep saying that?” asked Bearman.

“Yeah, we’re runnin’ outta reactions here,” added Super Rat.

“Well, that’s the thing, I don’t know what it leads to,” admitted Super Gofer. “But we’ll find out! And you can be certain that with this trail, we will discover the nefarious fiend responsible for this dastardly act!”

“Uh, which act was that?” asked the Whatever (a typical Link response, but he was too nervous to speak).

“The stealing of the money!” Super Gofer said dramatically.

“Oh, that act!” the Whatever nodded.

“I thought he meant like the acts of a play or somethin’,” said Super Rat.

“Now,” Super Gofer stated, “the trail leads off in this direction.” He pointed towards the stage. He happened to notice someone coming from the stage. That someone was now standing at the large desk backstage, rummaging through the papers.

Super Gofer looked down at the floor and saw exactly where the trail led.

“Oh, no!” he exclaimed, stunned at his conclusion.

“What is it?” the Fish Flinger asked, confused.

“It isn’t…!” Super Gofer trailed off.

“What? What?” Bearman asked, concerned.

“It couldn’t be!” All eyes were on Super Gofer. “But it is! It’s…!”

“Who?” the Super Goofs all demanded.

Super Gofer took a valiant, dramatic stance and said boldly, with a slight hint of betrayal in his voice, “It’s… Frog Boss!”

A dramatic sting played as the Super Goofs all gasped in terror. They all looked to where the paper trail led, and sure enough, it ended under the flippers that were Frog Boss’ feet.

“Oh, no! It couldn’t be!” Bearman protested.

“But it is, Bearman!” Super Gofer stated, again dramatically. “It is!”

“I knew it!” the Whatever announced.

“You did not,” said Super Rat.

“I did too! I said so earlier. It’s just that the writer forgot to record it.” (He didn’t.)

“What are we going to do, Super Gofer?” Bearman asked.

“How about I take him out with one of my boomerang fish?” the Fish Flinger suggested.

“Now,” Link finally opened his mouth, “why would he want to go out with a fish?”

“I dunno, chickens are always fun. Why not a fish?” the Whatever said, wiggling his eyelids.

“Men,” Super Gofer said, trying to bring them back to order, “this is no time for distractions! We must act hastily!” He realized that he has been shouting, and so whispered, “And quietly.”

“Yes, sir,” Bearman whispered.

“Yes, sir,” the Whatever whispered.

“What’d he say?” Link asked, loudly.

“Quiet, Link!” Super Gofer whispered as loud as possible without it no longer being considered a whisper. Then he addressed the whole group. “Now, we’ll sneak over there one at a time. When everyone’s over there, just follow my lead.”

Bearman saluted Super Gofer. “Gotcha.”

“I’ll go over first.”

Super Gofer walked slowly to where Frog Boss was standing. Frog Boss, a green frog (as a Frog Boss likely would be) who wore only a pointed collar, was busy riffling through receipts and bills.

“Gee,” he said overwhelmed, “these bills are getting out of hand! This budget is ridiculous! I ought to have Scooter talk to that uncle of his about it. I’ll bet that old tight wad wouldn’t even budge. Yeesh!”

Super Gofer snuck around to Frog Boss’ left.

“Oh! Uh, hi there,” said the startled Frog Boss upon noticing Super Gofer. “Er, how long have you been standing there?”

“Um,” was Super Gofer’s reply, expecting a hostile response from his “enemy.”

Frog Boss was too busy to wait for any actual conversation, and went back to sorting bills. Super Gofer signaled for the next Super Goof. The Whatever snuck over, faking a few odd karate moves and stealth tactics on his way over.

Next was Super Rat, scurrying along quickly. Then the Fish Flinger, who crawled over carrying a fish in his mouth as if it were a machete. Finally, it was Link’s turn… but he didn’t budge. No, instead of paying attention to his mission, he was paying attention to his reflection in a handheld mirror.

“My, you’re looking good today,” Link said to himself. “Are you seeing anyone?” He chuckled slightly.

“Psst!” Super Gofer whispered. “Link!” But Link didn’t respond. He tried again, but Link was still admiring himself. Finally, the gofer shouted over to Link, which got Link moving. He ran over as quickly as possible.

“Um,” he said, “am I late?”

Now, you would assume Frog Boss would have been startled by Super Gofer’s shout, but he wasn’t. He was so wrapped up in his work that he didn’t have time to notice. And so, there he stood, surrounded by Super Goofs and sorting bills. The only reason he noticed them at all was because he dropped his pencil, and Bearman was kind enough to pick it up for him.

“Uh, thank you,” Frog Boss said to Bearman, then went back to work. He paused a moment, confused. He turned back to face the Super Goofs. “Uh, can I help you guys with anything?”

“Grab him!” Super Gofer shouted.

All of the Super Goofs lunged at Frog Boss!

“Ack! What is going on here?” Frog Boss demanded as he struggled to break free.

"He's struggling, boss!" Bearman said to Super Gofer. "You might want to sedate him!"

“Fozzie, what are you doing?”

“Oh, no!” Bearman shouted. “He’s discovered my secret identity!”

“Is this your doing, Link?”

“Oh, no!” Link shouted. “Now he’s discovered my secret identity!”

“You don't have a secret identity!” Super Rat corrected him.

“Oh. Right.”

“Scooter,” Frog Boss said angrily, “I’m gonna cut your salary for this!”

“Our aliases have been compromised!” Super Gofer said. “Quick, men! To the super secret lair!”

“To the super secret lair!” the Super Goofs all called out as they lifted Frog Boss up over their heads and carried him off.

“Wah! Where are you taking me?” Frog Boss protested. But it was too late. They were already headed for the super secret lair.

 

[theprawncracker]

HAHAHAHAHA! Poor Kermit! ! ! At least he was involved in this hilarious plot at all. How AWESOME! Gonzo is so great, and each of the Super Goofs sneaking over behind Frog Boss was just hysterical! Great stuff! Sorry I didn't post earlier, awas still getting off my Letters to Santa high. More please!

 

[JEANYLASER]

That is awesome! I want to read more suspense!