Today to celebrate the coming 10 year anniversary of the John Mellencamp album Life, Death, Love, and Freedom we listened to that album all the way through for the first time in years. But the thing is, I honestly can't sit through the album all the way through and today was the only time in nearly a decade that I've even attempted to do so.
The album was originally released during a very bad point in my life:A time when my mother was extremely sick. She was having heart attacks constantly and even developed trouble breathing over time. We thought for sure she was going to die, things got so bad that she eventually looked like she was going to fall over and die any minute. Thankfully she lived and survived the horrors she was going through, but listening to that album always reminds me of that awful time. Also because of how most of the songs mention death or dying at least once in them, that's a recurring theme throughout the album.
Whenever I hear some of those things, especially the ones centered completely around death all those horrible memories of fearing my mom's possible death, all those nightmares I had about losing her, and all those times I cried myself to sleep all start flooding back to me. Luckily that situation is over and my mom is happy and healthy now but I hate reliving the trauma I suffered back then. That fear of possibly losing someone you love, especially when your only 9-years-old is by far one of the most horrifying things a person could live through.
Keep in mind that I am NOT in any way dissing that John Mellencamp album by the way. It has some very beautiful and well written songs. I just personally have trouble listening to it because of what it reminds me of.