Chapter 2
Buttercup sat aboard the kidnapper’s ship, bound and gagged, for the sheer fact that it was the only way to get her to shut up and stop kicking. The shrimp went about trying to persuade her horse to tell Prince Humperdinck that she was kidnapped by officers of Gilder.
“Stop calling me a shrimp, okay!” Pepe protested.
Sorry.
“Now, jou go back and tell Prince Humpernickle that jou were jumped by Gilder officers, okay?” said Vizzini.
“What’s in it for me?” asked the horse.
Vizzini snapped his fingers again and Fezzik, the behemoth, stopped what he was doing on the boat and lumbered out to them.
“We leave jou in one pieces,” Vizzini said ominously.
“Good enough for me,” the horse gulped, “I’ll…just…be…GOING!”
The horse bolted, leaving a chuckling Vizzini behind.
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“What was that about?” Fezzik asked as he went about his duties in getting the boat launched.
“Jou see,” said Vizzini, “when the horse get back to the castle, he will tell Prince Pumpernickel that the princess was kidnapped by officers of Gilder.”
“Who’s that?” Inigo, the blue, furry, hook-nosed weirdo with a sword, asked as he started untying the boat from the dock.
“The country across the seas, okay!” Vizzini shouted, “The sworn enemy of Florin! When the horse tells them that officers of Gilder kidnapped the princess, the Prince will have no choice but to believe him, okay! When they finds her dead on the Gilder frontier they will start a war, okay!”
At the word, ‘dead’, Buttercup began to struggle even harder.
“You never said anything about killing anyone,” said Fezzik.
Vizzini shook his head.
“I hire jou to help me start a war! Did jou think nobodies was going to get hurt, okay?”
“I just don’t think it’s right, killing an innocent girl.”
“If jou had seen where she kicked me, jou wouldn’t think she was so innocents, okay.”
Buttercup triumphantly smiled to herself.
“And am I going crazies, or did the word, “think” escape jour lips!”
“I…uh.”
“Jou were not hired for jour brains you hippo-platonic…hippo-Potomac…hippie-Pippi Longstockings…”
Hippopotanic land mass.
“Jeah, what he said!”
“I agree with Fezzik,” said Inigo as he hopped back on board.
Vizzini turned to him with a roll of his eyes.
“Oh, the sot has spoken!” he said, following Inigo up the stairs to the top deck,
I don’t know what it’s really called. “What happens to her is not jour concerns, okay. I’m going to kill her and remember this. Never forget this! When I found jou, jou were so slobbering drunks jou couldn’t buy the brandies, okay!”
“I don’t drink!” Gonzo protested, “There might be kid reading!”
Pepe chose to ignore that sudden break of character and went on with his lines.
“And jou!” he rushed back down the stairs and up to Fezzik, “Friendless! Brainless! Helpless! Hopeless! Would jou like to go back to were jou was, okay! Unemployed! In Greenland!”
Vizzini , confident he had coerced his cronies back into line, sat down and started trying to sleep. The insults didn't phase Fezzik, he was used to them. Inigo, finished with what he was doing, walked over to his friend.
“Vizzini likes to raise a…fuss,” said Inigo.
Fezzik mulled over the word ‘fuss’ for a second as he came up with an answer.
“I think he likes to yell at us,” he replied with a smile.
Inigo grinned himself and said, “Probably he means no…harm.”
“But, he’s very, very short on…charm.”
They smiled at each other, enjoying their private joke.
“Fezzik, you have a great gift for rhyme,” said Inigo as he helped his friend raise the sail.
“Yes, yes, some other time,” Fezzik grinned.
“Enough with the rhymes, okay” said Pepe, “Jour following the scripts too closely.”
The wind picked up, the sail billowed and their journey was underway.
“Hey, Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?” Inigo asked.
With a smile Fezzik replied, “If there are, we’ll all be dead!”
“Knock off with the rhymes already! I mean it!”
“Anybody want a peanut?”
“ARGH!”
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Coming in Chaper 3: The Masked Frog, Vizzini finds everything 'inconceivable' and the eels shriek for a different reason!
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