The (Muppet) Princess Bride
From the story by S. Morgenstern
Abridged by William Goldman
Adapted for the Muppets by ZeppoAndFriends
Prologue
Robin was home sick with a cold and sat on his bed happily playing a videogame that was state of the art about twenty-three years ago when his mother came in with a smile that said, “I’ve got a surprise you’re not going to like.”
“How are you feeling?” she asked as she turned off the TV set.
“Pretty good,” Robin replied.
“I’ve got a surprise for you.”
“That’s what your smile said,” Robin said, having heard the narration, “And it also said I wasn’t going to like it.”
“You’re grandfather’s here to see you.”
“I knew it.”
At that moment the door opened and Pops entered. He looked around, having a hard time seeing where he was through his perpetually pinched peepers.
“Where’s the little tyke?” Pops asked.
“Over here, grandpa,” Robin replied.
“Ah, yes,” Pops walked right past the bed and up to a teddy bear that sat on a shelf on the back wall. With a chuckle he gave it an affectionate pinch on the cheek and asked, “How’re you feeling?”
“I’ll leave you two alone,” mother said on her way out.
“I’m over here,” Robin said. Pops turned around and did a quick double take back at the teddy bear.
“So ya’ are,” he said with a smile. He pulled up a chair and sat down just as Robin sneezed. He sprang back up and took a good look at his chair.
“What was that noise?” he asked.
“I sneezed,” said Robin, through a tissue, “I have a cold.”
“Ya’ do?” Pops seemed surprised to hear it, “Well, that’s too bad.”
Robin rolled his eyes
(hunh?).
“But,” Pops continued, “I think I have something that will cheer ya’ up.” He pulled a wrapped package out of his coat pocket and handed it to Robin. Robin tore off the paper and was overjoyed to find a book underneath.
Wait a minute! '
Overjoyed'!
“I sure am!” Robin said with a grin.
You’re supposed to be disappointed!
“I am?”
YES!
“Why should I be? I love reading!”
You should be because I’m the narrator and I say so! So there! Nyeh!
“If you say so,” Robin said hanging his head (although we’re not supposed to get to the rhyming until later). Robin tried his best to look disappointed and looked over his gift again.
“A book?” he queried.
Within the time frame of his last line and now Pops had fallen asleep.
“What do we do now?” Robin asked.
Try to wake him up. Robin tried his darnedest to wake up Pops. He shook him, he pinched him, he smacked him across the face after much goading from the narrator, but to no avail. Pops just went right on snoozing.
“What now?”
Cover your ears. Robin did as the mighty and handsome narrator instructed. “Ahem!”
The suddenly the entire room shook as the roof was lifted away with the mighty roar of terrifying beast! An enormous shaggy orange head with wild eyes peered down into the tiny room.
“What are you doing?” Robin shouted over the din.
Taking overly extreme measures! HA, HA-HA, HA, HA-HA-HA!
“W-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-K-E-E-E-E-E U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-P-P!” the giant Animal roared, shaking the house to it’s very foundation, cracking the sidewalk outside, setting off all the car alarms on the block and causing The Swedish Chef’s soufflé to fall. (For the sake of the children I will not repeat what the Chef said he thought of me and my overly extreme measures (but I will say it involved an ax))
And with that Animal disappeared. When the dust settled Robin was still in bed, shaking from the reverberation and Pops was still in his chair, coated in dust and still fast asleep.
Well…that didn’t work.
“Wha-a-a-a-a-a-t sho-o-o-o-o-o-uld we-e-e-e-e do-o-o-o-o-o n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w?” Robin said, still vibrating.
Stop vibrating.
The entire room settled.
And clean up the mess.
With a magical WHOOSH the room was put back in order and the roof was repaired.
I’m just going to start the real story, alert me if he wakes up.
“Okay.”
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