The Mighty Megalosaurus

[RedPiggy]

Wow, that was fast

 

[The Count]

Yeah... Now if only an update were posted just as quickly...

 

[RedPiggy]

I'll post some more tomorrow. I'm working on a timeline of the "Kelly Muppetverse".

 

[RedPiggy]

Code of the Wilderness

(60,000,030BC)

Roy looked up from his lunch and frowned. “Uh-oh,” he told Earl, who was scarfing down a feline-like mammal.

Earl glanced up and saw Stan, the top athlete of Bob LaBrea High. He was a dark green muscle-bound thug who enjoyed dominating all the other males. Earl shivered slightly. It was Stan who attacked him for sticking up for Roy, dunking his formerly frail form through the basketball hoop.

“Hey, Earl!” Stan bellowed. “Them muscles help you open your locker yet?”

“What d’ya want, Stan?” Earl grumbled.

Stan grinned. “I heard you’re gonna bulk up, get strong, an’ take on your ol’ man,” he replied. He jabbed a thumb toward himself. “I’m gonna graduate before you get around to doin’ that. I came to tell ya I was gonna show ya how it’s done.” He winked. “Feel free ta copy my genius strategies if ya want when you hit middle age and can take down your old man.”

Earl rolled his eyes and sighed.

Roy stared at Stan. “Your pops is a moderately wealthy business owner,” he told the arrogant athlete. “You don’t exactly strike me as the type o’ guy all dat interested in runnin’ a textbook company.”

Stan scoffed. “I ain’t runnin’ no book thing,” he told Roy. “I got Ma for that.” He shrugged. “But I’m tired of my pops tellin’ me I’m some no-good brain-dead loser. It takes a lotta brain power to rip muscles this size,” he said, flexing his biceps. He smirked and left.

Roy glanced at Earl. “What makes him so sure he can win?”

Earl shrugged. “He’s definitely bigger than his ol’ man.” He glanced at Roy. “Besides, the guy recently got squashed by his own suicidal daughter, from what I heard.” He chomped on a thick bone. “Hasn’t walked right since. Stan definitely has an advantage.”

Roy glanced down at his own lunch. “Well, what happened with the daughter?”

“Huh?”

“His daughter,” Roy repeated. “Why did she want to kill herself?”

Earl shrugged. “That’s some middle-school female thing, Roy,” he said casually.

Roy shook his head. “Dat’s not very supportive of ya,” he noted. “You were worried about me.”

Earl sighed and put down the bone. He stared at his friend. “Roy. I’m not interested in some middle-schooler’s ‘boo-hoo, life’s an inconvenience’ sob story. I got better things to worry about than some nut case who wants to jump off roofs.”

“Like what?”

Earl stood up and threw his remaining meal in the trash. He had lost his appetite anyhow. “Like … like … like watching how Stan picks up chicks and beats the snot outta his pops,” he replied uncomfortably as he left.

<><><><><><>

At the end of the day, Earl, Roy, and a few of Stan’s friends showed up at the sacred site where dinosaurs left their children to learn about empathy. Stan was pumping his fists and bragging about all he wanted to do to his father.

A tan Tyrannosaur with dark brown stripes around his neck appeared and stood next to Roy. “What’s goin’ on?” he asked.

Roy stood back, his eyes popping in recognition. “Hey, Roy!” He nodded. “How ya been?”

The striped Roy smiled. “Wanted to see the fight, though I think Stan doesn’t have a chance at all of beating Mr. P.”

“You don’t think he can take some crippled ol’ pop?” Earl asked sincerely.

The striped Roy shook his head. “He’s toast.”

Roy shifted his weight uncomfortably. “I just wish I had a father,” he said finally. “Dis is da very spot I was left as a young toddler.”

The striped Roy rolled his eyes and inched closer over to Earl and bent down to whisper. “Actually, that happened to me. He keeps getting us confused.” He shook his head. “Poor guy.” He glanced quickly at Roy. “My brother lived with our father until he was ten. He leaves every time he gets upset. The last time, my father said he was leaving to go find me and gave him a pen and pencil set for his first Howling, which he’d miss. I only get a chance to see Roy every once in awhile because he keeps running off.”

Earl glanced at the striped Roy, confused, and whispered, “If you know your ol’ man is lookin’ for ya, why don’t you tell him where you are?”

The striped Roy shrugged. “I like to keep my father busy. He gets so depressed unless he’s on a mission. Stems from his old war days.”

“Oh,” Earl replied.

Finally, an aging green dinosaur with a pointed head, entered into view, limping as he walked with an ivory cane. Behind him, a dark brown female with a sharp beak-like pale jaw and pointed black glasses, ambled toward the scene, her tail swaying gently. She had her arms crossed. “So,” she noted with a voice that was starting to get raspy with age, “let me get this straight: you,” she said, pointing to Stan, “want to prove how tough you are fighting a male with a limp.”

“Hey,” retorted the aging male with a playfully hurt smile. “Give me a little credit, Cupcake.”

The female rolled her eyes. “You two males want to play a little rock ‘em-sock ‘em, be my guest,” she groaned. “I’ll be at the house.” She turned around and paused. “Don’t kill the kid, Louie,” she said before she left.

As Stan’s friends cheered him on, he beat his chest and growled and snarled. Louie Phillips walked around his beefy son until he stood in front of a small shed waiting area. He tapped his cane on the ground a couple of times. “C’mon, son – show me what you got.”

“You’re gonna regret that, Pops,” Stan boasted with a deadly grin.

Louie smiled confidently. “What’s to regret? Either you, my own son, beat me according to the Code, or I successfully defend my position. I prove my place in the food chain regardless.” He beckoned to Stan. “Go ahead. Land a single hit.”

Stan roared and rushed at him. Louie nimbly stepped aside and Stan ran smack into the shed, sending the heavy wooden beams crashing down.

Everyone gasped. Louie looked on in concern as his son twitched. He glanced around and sighed. “Will someone please contact a doctor? Does anyone feel like lending a shirt or something to help me bind his chest? It looks pretty bad.”

<><><><><><>

That night, Roy watched the moon with Earl, their scales shimmering in the moonlight. “Wow,” Roy blurted out, “a punctured lung and some broken ribs. Dat’s rough.”

Earl nodded sadly. “Yeah. I guess just bein’ stronger than your father doesn’t guarantee anything.”

“Maybe so,” Roy agreed. He turned to Earl. “So, you gonna quit all dat muscle-buildin’?”

Earl scoffed and grinned, shoving away his friend with one hand. “You kiddin’? Even if I don’t take on my dad, I can still get a bunch of female groupies who worship every drop of sweat that falls off my emerald green scales.”

 

[The Count]

*Applauds. Comin' along just fine. All the right notes of macho-centric bravado... Proving you're the best cause you're the strongest... And finding out that doesn't guarantee anything in the end. Good stuff, I wait for more please.

 

[RedPiggy]

I asked my brother what I thought Ethyl should be. He said "teacher", since many of her scenes involve reading to Baby and deriding Earl's blue-collar job and that one time she smacked him with a yardstick. I've decided she's a university professor, while Louie is a textbook publisher.

That made how the fight was going to go a lot easier to figure out. I wanted Stan's fight to affect Earl personally (since he lost some of his smarts due to Stan) and I figured that a guy in academics would just use his head. Earlier, Earl tried to outsmart a Utahraptor (though the Utahraptor saw the episode Earl was thinking of), but he's suffering a similar issue to Robbie, who thought bulking up was the way to go. However, Earl doesn't have a Spike to stop him.

The hardest part of all this has been dealing with some of the inconsistencies in the show. Roy said his father "abandoned" him in the episode where we meet his father, but in "The Howling" he said his father gave him the pen and pencil set. I figured some of the Kermit/Fozzie-ish "you're confusing us again" thing was a good way to work that out.

I've got another inconsistency with Earl's father, but I think I've come up with a good way to work that out as well.

 

[The Count]

Yes... All this is now falling into place. Just got that it is Ethyl Phillips, Louie is her departed husband. And from there stems, well, I'll let you develop it, it's your story.
Very clever confusion with Striped Roy. It helps create confusion for both the characters and the reader alike, in a way that is reminiscent to the hat differenciation between the frog and the bear.

Keep it coming please.

 

[RedPiggy]

Call of the Wild

(60,000,029BC)

Cayla had a frighteningly pale face. She slept or moaned in bed nearly all hours of the day, getting up only to go to the bathroom.

Pearl looked on in concern just outside her parents’ bedroom. Earl stood cautiously behind her. “What do you think is wrong with her?” Pearl whispered.

Earl shrugged. “I dunno.”

Pearl took her brother by the hand and went to the dining area. It was spotless, due to the fact that their father Dominic insisted they eat outside like their ancestors. She sighed, wiping a tear from her eyes. “I’ve never seen Momma like this,” Pearl muttered sadly. “Somethin’s wrong. We gotta get to a doctor.”

Earl looked away.

Pearl glared at him. “Earl – you’re not just gonna leave her like that?”

Earl still avoided eye contact. “Dad said --.”

Pearl slapped her hand on the table. “I don’t give a flyin’ hoot what Dad said,” she hissed. “Our mother’s sick an’ she needs our help.”

Earl finally looked at her. “None of us have jobs, Pearl,” he said finally. “How do you expect us to pay for a doctor?” He looked down. “Maybe it’s just something she ate.”

Pearl grit her teeth and looked away. “Ain’t nothin’ we eat makes the color of what’s in that toilet, Earl.”

Earl scratched his head. “The Laws of Nature, the Code of the Wilderness … they all agree that the sick and the dying --.”

“Mama’s not dyin’,” Pearl retorted. She shot a dirty look at her brother. “Go find Pa and get him here. Mama doesn’t want anything in this life except a lovin’ family that sticks together. That means all of us have to survive, Earl.”

“We’re not immortal,” Earl grumbled as he stood up.

Pearl glared at him, teeth bared. “You get Pa over here or I swear, Earl – you’ll never live to see adulthood.”

<><><><><><>

Deep in the swamp, Dominic stuck his feet in the cold marsh, letting mud ooze up his feet. He leaned against a tree and sighed contentedly. Earl appeared in a red-and-black jacket. “Dad?”

“Don’t bother me, kid,” he sniped.

“Dad, Mama’s sick,” Earl insisted, rubbing his hands nervously.

Dominic glanced at his son. “Boy, you make sure you take her out away from the apartment. You don’t want scavengers runnin’ around all willy-nilly when she passes.”

Earl growled, clenching his fists. “Didn’t you hear me? Your wife needs you! The Code of the Wilderness --.”

Dominic stood up and stared down his son. He jabbed an index finger at the teen’s athletic chest. “Code says a lot o’ things, boy,” he said. “The Code was written by a bunch of dinosaurs who want to pretend to do things the old way while makin’ themselves a bunch of unfit ninnies.” He waved dismissively. “Before our ancestors learned to write and read, the sick and the dyin’ were left behind. It kept us safe, boy.”

“But it’s wrong!” protested Earl loudly and desperately. “You committed yourself to her when you married her! You’re supposed to defend your mate and the mother of your children!”

Dominic leaned back and crossed his arms. “Boy,” he said coldly, “I gotta defend her against predators. She’s just sick. It’s a whole different story.”

Earl roared, “She’s sick with germs! Germs are just tiny predators we can’t see!” He glared at his father. “How can you even say you love her? All you’ve ever done is find ways to get me an’ Pearl to do all the work!”

Dominic pushed his son down into the muck. He snarled, curling his upper lip. “Earl Sneed Sinclair – marriage ain’t never been about love. It ain’t even in nature. You ever see lesser animals like amphibians get married? Of course not. They just get to business and move on with their life. I bring home the food. I kept you youngin’s alive, despite the fact I was dealin’ with kids who couldn’t snap the neck of a dragonfly. An’ here you are, darin’ to lecture me about my duties! Your momma turned her back on me. She was a vicious monster in the old days. She could take on prey four times her size in her prime. After you two were born, she got this ‘civilization’ nonsense in her head, worshippin’ those fools like that Phillips female. She became the very thing she rejected. I can’t go save a female like that. I won’t. She’s slippin’ down the food chain an’ nothin’ you or Pearl or those ‘doctors’ can do about it.” He turned his back. “Now move on, boy. You go ahead an’ get sick if ya wanna, but I ain’t comin’ back.”

<><><><><><>

Earl slinked into the apartment, hanging his head low. He entered his mother’s bedroom, caked in mud. Cayla and Pearl gasped when they saw him as Pearl held a wet washcloth to her mother’s face.

“What happened, Earl?” Cayla asked weakly.

Earl looked at his mother and then looked at Pearl.

“Where’s Papa, Earl?” Pearl demanded.

Earl tried to wipe off some of the mud, in vain. He finally glanced back up at his mother. “He … he … he’s not comin’, Ma.”

Cayla’s eyes started to tear up.

Earl flashed a look of shock. “Nononono – I mean, he wanted to, honest! He … uh … he … he was followin’ me back to the apartment … when … when … he got sucked into a swamp. You know – you don’t watch where you’re goin’ and that stuff just sucks ya straight down,” he added, getting more confident as the lie wore on. “That’s why I’m covered in mud. I tried to pull him out. He’s … he’s just … gone, Mama,” he said, starting to sob. “I tried to save him. No matter what happens, me an’ Pearl’ll be here to help you until you get back on your feet again.” He put a hand over his heart. “I promise.”

<><><><><><>

Roy gasped the next day. “You’re quittin’ school? Can you do that?”

Earl shrugged. “I don’t have a choice, Roy. Pearl’s gonna try getting some singin’ gigs to help out until I can find a job. Someone’s got to bring home some money until Mama gets better.” He sighed. “Pearl found an ad in the newspaper about creating some jingles for some radio commercials. She’s got to move to do so. That just leaves me.”

“I’ll help, pally-boy,” Roy offered. “You’ve been dere for me, let me help you out for a change.”

Earl smiled bashfully. “Thanks, Roy. You wouldn’t happen to know who’s hiring teenagers, would you?”

Roy shrugged. “Well, teenagers aren’t the usual pool for prospective employees, but I’ll ask around.” He gasped in an epiphany. “Hey, I’ll ask da principal! Dat way, you can get a job an’ still stay around da teachers and keep learnin’ stuff!”

 

[RedPiggy]

Yes... All this is now falling into place. Just got that it is Ethyl Phillips, Louie is her departed husband. And from there stems, well, I'll let you develop it, it's your story.
Very clever confusion with Striped Roy. It helps create confusion for both the characters and the reader alike, in a way that is reminiscent to the hat differenciation between the frog and the bear.

Keep it coming please.

I didn't just pull striped Roy out of a hat (well). I think it's "Fran's Live" or something when Roy talks about Fran maybe having a sister with the same name, Earl says that's insane, and Roy mentions having a brother with the name Roy. Since I can't tell whether or not he's joking, I decided that's the only way to clear up Roy's inconsistent past.

 

[The Count]

Hey... You don't hear me complainin' about the addition of Striped Roy do you? On the contrary, it was well done. And that last chapter... Hoo-boy, it explains a lot. You're rully coming along with this heartstabbing fanfiction. It's all great and I await the next installment.