The MARVELOUS Muppets: "The Amazing!"

[ReneeLouvier]

OH WOW. I just got around to reading this story completely. I love it. You have a real gift for these stories. Very thrilling, MW!

Even if you're someone like I am, knowing very little about superheroes, you explain it very well, I love it.

 

[muppetwriter]

Even if you're someone like I am, knowing very little about superheroes, you explain it very well, I love it.

I've got a little secret for you, Renee.

You know the directors that make the movie adaptations to some of the films based on comics (such as X-Men, The Punisher, Fantastic Four, etc.), some of these guys barely even read comics, and they're just going by how they imagine the story and the characters to be.

Take Bryan Singer (the director of the first two X-Men films) for example. He barely even read the comics before starting on the first movie, and it took him only a few issues for him to create his image of how the X-Men appeared in real format. In the comics, the character Rogue was supposed to be a lot older than she appeared in the films, and the character Mystique had clothes on (in the movie, she was naked and scaly)! And, in the upcoming third film, the character Juggernaut was born as a mutant, whereas in the comics he was just a regular guy who found a mystical crystal that turned him into a huge wrecking machine.

So, you don't really have to be a big comic book geek to write fanfics like these. I'm just sort of copying what directers like Sam Raimi (Spider-Man), Bryan Singer (X-Men), and Richard Donner (Superman) did in their film adaptations, while adding my own spin on things. It's not hard at all.

 

[muppetwriter]

*blows cobwebs (no pun intended) off of thread* Whoa! Sure has been a long time since I posted on this thread. *notices readers* Hey, true believers!

Mac: *enters with Bloo, Frankie, Madame Foster, Wilt, Coco, Eduardo, and Mr. Herriman* Who're you talking to, MW?

My wonderful readers!

Bloo:*sees everyone reading this post* Wow! These people all came here to see me? I'm not surprised.

No, Bloo. They came to check out the commentary to the very first "MARVELOUS Muppets" tale that I wrote. You guys will be joining me, and so will...Hey! Where's Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo?

Kermit:*steps in with the two other Muppets* Hi-ho, everyone! *sees all of the cobwebs left over* Wow. It sure has been a long time since we came here.

Gonzo: Is it Halloween already?

Fozzie: Oh! Did we forget to bring our trick-or-treating bags again?

No, Foz. This thread is just a little old. I haven't posted here in a whole year. *looks around* Man! Does this fanfic bring back memories?

Wilt: Not to sound like I'm complaining, MW. But are we just gonna sit here and remincise or are we gonna get to the commentary? *stops and realizes something* Actually, that sounds pretty much like the same thing.

Wait, Wilt. We're still missing a few people.

Kim Possible: I'm here! So what's the...*pauses when she sees Ron Stoppable still tangled up on his cable*

Ron: Don't worry, KP. I'm comin'! *Rufus crawls out of his pocket and helps him get free from the cable*

Kim: Oh, brother.

I think that's about everybody who's going to be in the "Spidey/Muppets 3" story, with the exception of those Carmen Sandiego characters and the ones from the "mysterious fourth franchise".

Frankie: Will you stop doing that?!

Stop doing what?

Frankie: Putting those freaky quotes over your words like that. It's getting really annoying.

Mr. Herriman: I do say. Miss Francis is right. What is the deal with this "mysterious fourth franchise"?

Frankie: MR. HERRIMAN!!!!

Mr. Herriman: Oh, dear. Am I doing it now?

Just relax, guys. You and everyone else will find out soon. But for now, let's get on with the commentary.

Cast: MARVELOUS!!!!

 

[muppetwriter]

The MARVELOUS Muppets
Presents
"The Amazing!"

Chapter One (Part One):​

Ron: Hey! Weren't those letters once red?

MW: They'll clash with the colors of our commentary.

Ron: Oh. *notices something* Well, how come you get red letters?

MW: Because I'm the author. See my name up there? It says "muppetwriter". That's me.

Ron: OK. Fine, Spike Lee.

My name is Sean Thomas, and if anyone told you that my life was anything but ordinary and that the things I’m about to tell you are just pure fiction…well, let’s just say someone may have been pulling your leg. I’m 33 years old, and I guess you can say that I’m one of the handsomest black males in America; people are always telling me that I bear a striking resemblance to Malcolm-Jamal Warner…and they’re absolutely right! I’m one of those friendly types that are always laid back, have a great deal of respect for friends and family, and always get things done no matter what.

Cast:*laughs*

MW: What's so funny?

Bloo: Malcolm-Jamal Warner?!

MW: Well, it's true!

Mac: 33 years old?!

MW: OK. So I might've overdone that part.

Kim: Whatever, Theo. *chuckles*

I work as a journalist for the Daily Bugle, a popular newspaper that almost everyone in New York City reads every single day, which means that my boss would be the paper’s publisher, J. Jonah Jameson (a flamboyant skinflint with a short black mustache who frequently and loudly castigates the employees and chomps on an ever-present cigar). Before I decided to go into journalism, I really wanted to go into a career in science to do remarkable things like come up with a new form of fusion or something. With an I.Q. of 260, you’d think I’d be pursuing such a career; but I’d rather stay out of the spotlight.

Mac: Since when did you become smarter than me?!

MW: Hey, I've always been that smart.

Gonzo: Since when?

MW: Since I wrote ya'll into the story. Now, if you want to be in the next story, then lay off the wisecracks, people!

Kermit: Sheesh! This is Jerry Juhl all over again.

Being a journalist for the Daily Bugle has its ups and downs. The good side being the fact that my beautiful 35-year-old sister, Lori Thomas (who has been one of my greatest supporters over the years), is working alongside me as a photographer. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them that Lori and I come from the same heredity, which I can respectfully understand, since Lori is a red-haired, hazel-eyed Caucasian woman that most people say bears a strong resemblance to Debra Messing (and, again, they’re absolutely right!). Lori was a streetwise woman of integrity and kindness; though she sometimes tends to let her job go to her head, you can bet that she’ll always be there to get the scoop, as well as back her friends up in any heated situation.

Wilt: If you're....And she's....Then how did....?

MW: Don't even finish that question, Wilt.

Frankie: I just can't believe you're comparing yourselves to celebrities.

MW: Hey, Will & Grace was a pretty big show before it got canceled.

Coco: Coco. Coco. Coco. Coco. Coco. Coco?

Eduardo: Si. Why don't we have that other guy named Sean here?

MW: NO MORE QUESTIONS!!!!

However, there is always a negative side to anything that is positive, and the bad side to being a journalist in the Daily Bugle is that I’m forced to work with three of the most peculiar characters you will ever meet in New York (Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, and Gonzo the Great).

Kermit: Negative? Are we that bad?

MW: No, not at all. You guys are great.

Bloo: Then how come you referred to them as a "negative side"?

MW: Shut up.

Of course, with all of the bizarre stories that we’ve been digging up for the past five years, Lori and I have no choice but to work with such peculiar characters. Out of the three of them, I must say that I enjoy working with Kermit on certain stories; he used to be a reporter for the “Sesame Street News” and interviewed many nursery rhyme characters, before he became investigative reporters with Fozzie and Gonzo.

Kim: Awww! How nice.

Kermit: Thanks, MW. Sesame Street was an example of the less chaotic time of my career.

MW: No prob, Kerm.

Kermit is always a hard-working frog, which was the least I can say for Fozzie and Gonzo, who were two fellas that were extremely difficult to work with. Gonzo always likes doing weird things and Fozzie always has the urge to tell a semi-funny joke during the investigation (which is why Lori loves working with them).

Gonzo: Well, at least one of you enjoyed our company.

Fozzie: Hey, you gotta lighten up the workspace atmosphere. All work and no play makes a Muppet just a puppet.

MW: Fozzie...what the...Never mind!

One early Saturday afternoon at the Daily Bugle, Robbie Robertson (the Bugle’s editor-in-chief and the only employee who does not fear the wrath of J. Jonah Jameson) told Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and me that Jonah had bought us tickets to see a wrestling event in midtown Manhattan and wanted us to do a story on Bone Saw McGraw (a fierce wrestler that was six foot nine, three-hundred pounds of pure muscle) and his three minute challenge with an amateur wrestler. We all kinda doubted this so-called assignment that Jameson was giving us, seeing it as some way of embarrassing us for some strange reason; Gonzo, however, thought of it as a chance to show off his skills in wrestling, but I was luckily able to talk him out of it. The thing we didn’t realize at the time was that this assignment was the genesis of a huge phenomenon.

Gonzo: Hey, I could've been a terrific wrestler! I have a whole list of moves written down someplace! I could show one of them right now, if you guys are willing to volunteer.

Cast: NO!!!!!!

Gonzo: Okay. Okay. Sheesh.

Mac: Hey, that Bone Saw guy looks familiar. Didn't we see him in Wrestlemania?

Frankie: Nah. You're thinking of someone else, Mac.

Lori drove us to the smallish arena in her black 911 Turbo Porsche and parked it into an extremely crowded lot of many different types of vehicles.

Kermit: What is it with you and cars, MW?

MW: Hey, if Sam Raimi can put his old beat-up car in every movie he's done, I can put mine in my stories, too.

Kim: You own a 911 Turbo Porsche?!

MW: Uh...no. I can't even drive.

We joined up with the thousand wrestling fans that were streaming into the arena, and we could not have stuck out any further from the crowd, especially with Kermit wearing that gray hat and trenchcoat and Fozzie with a “press” card sticking out from the band of his brown, old-fashioned hat. Speaking of Kermit, he didn’t exact take this assignment with much ease; the ravenous fans chanting “Bone Saw” (as well as Gonzo holding up a sign, with the words painted in red, which said, “We want blood!”) made the frog a bit nervous.

Kermit: I still can't believe you brought that sign with us, Gonzo.

Gonzo: I still can't believe you've been wearing the same trenchcoat and hat for several years now.

Ron: Hey, I love that look. And so does Rufus. *doesn't notice Rufus sticking out his tongue and holding his nose*

Fozzie: At least you guys got some attention from those fans. All I did was stick a press card in my hat.

“Sheesh!” exclaimed Kermit, as he gazed around at the raucous people that surrounded him. “You think Mr. Jameson would’ve given us a more comfortable and kid-friendly story to investigate.” Kermit could not ignore the violent message that Gonzo’s sign was giving. “Gonzo, why on earth would make such a gruesome sign?” Gonzo was a little surprised over Kermit’s reaction.

“Gosh, Kermit,” He said, “I figured it would help us blend in with the crowd. I mean, look at everyone.” Kermit took a moment to notice some of the things that the fans were carrying with them, such as real sharp saws, blood-covered bones, and black & white makeup that made their faces look like skulls. The sight of such grotesquely decorated objects made Kermit sick to his stomach.

“Do I really have to?” inquired Kermit, as he kept his focus away from the raucous crowd. “Well, I guess there is one bright side…at least Sam the Eagle isn’t here to witness all of this.”

Kermit: Hey, speaking of Sam, is it true that you're going to have him in "The Avengers/Muppets" story?

MW: Yeah. He's going to be one of the Avengers.

Kim: GET OUT OF HERE!!!

MW: No. Really.

Kim: No, I mean, get out of here! First you make Scooter Grosse the son of Tony Stark, and now you're turning Sam the Eagle into an Avenger!

MW: At least you were in the story that introduced Scooter as Tony's son.

Kim: You got me there. Man! I can't wait 'til that new season of my show! Then I'll really have something new to be a part of!

“Oh, I heard he’s scheduled to sing the national anthem!” Fozzie told Kermit, who had just about heard everything.

“How were they able to book him?” Kermit asked.

“You know Sam,” Lori said, “He’s willing to sing the national anthem, no matter what the occasion is.”

“But Sam detests random acts of violence.” Kermit stated. “He thinks it’s…unpatriotic.”

Mr. Herriman: I say, that is one MARVELOUS eagle.

MW:*laughs* Good one, Sam.

Mr. Herriman: What?

“Ya know, for a fella that detests violence, it sure is strange how he believes fighting for America is the most patriotic thing in the world.” I said, and Lori smiled at me, also realizing how unusually ironic it was.

Frankie: That is kinda bizarre.

MW: Wait 'til you read that "Avengers/Muppets" story.

Once we were inside the packed arena, we were about to head straight to our seats, until Fozzie got a sudden hankering for a funnel cake, a humungous tub of popcorn, and a foot-long hotdog, both marinated with honey, and a honey-sweetened Dr. Pepper in addition. Honestly, Fozzie’s appetite is a whole lot weirder than Gonzo’s personality. Soon after he got his meal, we all went to our ringside seats and focused our attention on the center stage, where the wrestling ring was located.

Fozzie: Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it.

MW: I don't think I even want to touch it!

Gonzo: Trust us, MW. It's really good. I think there's one sitting in the concession stand right now.

Bloo: Really?! I'm willing to try it! Somebody pause the story!

Mac: Bloo, you can't pause a story! It's impossible!

MW: Actually, Mac, it is. Watch. *takes a remote and pauses the commentary* I have way too much power. We'll be right back, everybody.

 

[muppetwriter]

MW: Looks like we're back. *pushes "play" on remote and commentary continues*

Bloo:*returns with food* Man! Is that ever long a long line! I almost went into the wrong theater, and end up running into this guy named Ryan, who was commentating a completely different story! It wasn't like this one though. I think it was one of those sci-fi/comedy/dramas.

Gonzo: Sounds interesting. Gotta see it sometime.

Inside the ring were two wrestling announcers named Johnny Fiamma and Sal Manella, who both spoke like they were part of the mafia. Johnny is known to have an “Old Golden Throat” because he is a natural when it comes to singing on stage; he usually took gigs that involved singing, but Sal (his monkey friend) convinced him that announcing for wrestling events produced larger amounts of “green stuff.”

Fozzie: I didn't know Johnny and Sal were involved in the mafia.

Kermit: They're not, Fozzie. It was just a form of description.

Gonzo: Not to nitpick, but Sal and Johnny's last names are spelled wrong.

MW: Hey, gimme a break. This was my first-ever Muppet fanfic.

“Hey, hey!” stated Johnny, speaking through a microphone that both him and Sal were sharing together. “How youse doin’ here tonight? I tell ya…I haven’t seen this much blood and gore since ‘The Godfather of the Bride’.”

Fozzie: Ahh! Wocka! Wokka!

It was obvious that the audience didn’t feel like hearing Johnny Fiamma talk, because they kept on chanting “Bone Saw!” in between his words. Johnny and Sal looked like they were getting a bit hot under the collar.

“Uh, ya better get on with the show, Johnny.” suggested Sal, and Johnny went ahead and focused on the event that was taking place at that moment.

“Right. Right.” said Johnny, and he held up a small card that he used to help him catch up with the show. “Uh…let’s see here. Oh, yeah!” Once he got what he was supposed to say, he put away the card and turned back to the crowd. “Alright. Let’s bring out the real star of this show.”

“Yeah! Yeah!” exclaimed Sal, getting real excited. “He’s the spine-crunchin’, skull-slammin’, leg-snappin’, finger-breakin’, flesh-eatin’…” While Sal was chatting away about the ruthless wrestler, Johnny and the crowd were getting more impatient, wondering when he was gonna stop talking. “…the eye-stabbin’, tongue-slicin’, nose-squishin’, vertebrae-rupturin’…”

Frankie: Man! That monkey sure does have a way with words.

Bloo: Frankie, is that anyway to talk about a great singer like Johnny Fiama?

Frankie: I was talking about Sal, Bloo.

Bloo: Don't change the subject. You've already expressed your opinion.

Frankie: AARGH!!!

“Sal! Sal!” interjected Johnny, and Sal immediately stopped and looked at Johnny, who was pointing at his watch and indicating that he was wasting time talking.

“Oh, oh, yeah! Sorry, Johnny.” said Sal, soon before Johnny took over again.

“Ladies and gents, it is my pleasure to introduce…Bone Saw McGraw!” said Johnny, and as everyone directed their attention to the entrance, it wasn’t Bone Saw that came into the arena…it was Sam the Eagle himself. I could tell that this wasn’t part of the program, because Johnny and Sal were looking at each other in confusion. Meanwhile, in the audience, Kermit was still impressed that Sam even bothered to show up for the event.

“This should be interesting.” He said, as Sam entered the ring, with his own microphone in his hand, which he spoke seriously into.

Kermit: Sam sure had a lot guts facing that type of crowd.

MW: You'd think I would've written a bit more common sense into his character.

“Let me be the first one to say that this entire show is nothing but a mindless, inexcusable form of entertainment that I would hardly call an American sport.” stated Sam, and judging from the boos that were directed towards him, there was no doubt that Sam was the last character the crowd wanted to see. “I have been permitted to sing the national anthem for this rancorous event, but I refuse to sing such a beautiful, patriotic song to a bunch of wild animals like each and every one of…”

Mr. Herriman: Humph! Those people have no respect for a true American icon.

Madame Foster: Oh, chill out, Herriman. Nothing wrong with a little taste for gore.

Frankie: Grandma...we really need to have that talk sometime.

It was funny how Sam just happened to mention about animals, because the next person that came into the ring was Animal himself, who was working as one of the security personnel that was hired to drive annoying guys like Sam out of the ring.

Kermit: "Animal" and "security" are two things that not go together.

Bloo: I heard someplace that he was Mexican.

Cast: WHAT?!?!

Bloo: Well, I did.

Eduardo: I wonder if he speaks Spanish.

Animal growled like the madman he was when he came into the ring, which forced Sam to instantaneously stopped his talking and jump away from the ring and run out of the arena as fast as he could, with Animal in high pursuit. After that whole scene was over, I looked over at Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, and Lori, who all could not believe what they just witnessed.

“Wow! That was almost as crazy as the time he sang with Janet and Justin at the 2004 Super Bowl.” Gonzo said.

“He’s barely gotten over that controversial mess.” said Kermit, just before all of the lights in the arena suddenly went off, leaving us in an unbelievably pitch-black situation that alarmed Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, and Lori. “Hey! What’s going on here?”

Ron: Man, Kermit. You stuck out like a sore thumb in that crowd.

Kim: Looks who's talking, Mr. Can't-Keep-His-Pants-Up.

Ron: Stay outta my personal life, KP!!!

“Gee, I don’t know.” Fozzie said. “But it sure is spooking me out.” That’s when a single spotlight came on and shined high above the arena, aiming itself directly at the ring entrance, where Bone Saw McGraw came out into the arena from to the pleasure of several roaring fans. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I were very intimated by the appearance of Bone Saw McGraw, who strangely looked similar to another wrestler in a bigger organization.

Mac: See? I knew it!

“Man!” Lori exclaimed. “If it wasn’t for the disgusting brown saliva that was coming out of his mouth and onto his bushy beard, he’d have my adrenaline pumping for sure.”

“I’ve got a feeling that neither of us is going to like what’s going to happen in that ring.” Kermit assumed.

“I beg to differ, Kermit.” Gonzo contradicted. “I think that what we’re about to witness will be one of the greatest performances, right next to my tire-eating act.” Kermit shook his head in disgust at the similarity between Gonzo’s act and Bone Saw’s performance in the ring.

Bloo: You ate a tire once?!

Gonzo: Well, I attempted to eat one, but the audience booed me offstage before I had the chance.

Ron: You were booed offstage?!

Gonzo: Can we please focus back on the story?!?!

“Hard to believe that’s what’s got me shaking right now.” said Kermit, and he got even more nervous when Gonzo lifted his violent sign high up in the air, as Bone Saw jumped into the ring and prepared himself for his match with an amateur wrestler. While the fierce wrestler was preparing, Johnny and Sal (also intimated by Bone Saw’s appearance) mustered the courage to share the same radius with him and announce the match at the same time.

“Well, uh, we sure have been waiting for this moment, haven’t we, Sal?” said Johnny, and Sal nodded with agreement.

“You’re absolutely right, Johnny!” exclaimed Sal, and he directed his attention to the raving crowd that was us. “Three minutes, ladies and gents! Three minutes is all that it takes to win three thousand dollars for one match against the snarling, grotesque beast that stands before us.” Hearing how Sal described him made Bone Saw very offended.

Cast: Uh-oh!

“Hey, monkey-bones!” snapped Bone Saw, and Johnny & Sal jumped at the gruff tone in his voice, turning their attention to him. “Who ya callin’ a beast?!?!” Johnny hid behind Sal, both of them quivering with fear.

“U-U-U-Uh…what I meant to say is Bone Saw McGraw is so tough that not even a snarling, grotesque beast like Randy Savage can beat him!” said Sal, in a desperate attempt to cover his previous comment.

Kim: Nice save.

Ron: Aw, come on. Randy Savage? How 'bout Pain King and Steel Toe? Huh? I bet they could beat Mr. Bone Crawl!!

Kim: I think that's Bone Saw, Ron.

Ron: Well, whatever.

Gonzo: Someone called?

MW: Man. That joke never gets old.

“Absolutely, Bone, baby.” commented Johnny, peaking over Sal’s shoulder. “Savage, Hogan, The Rock…none of those crybabies got nothing on you.” Bone Saw, satisfied with the new comments that Johnny and Sal made, turned his attention to the ring entrance, waiting for the first amateur wrestler to come out. Maintaining back to their announcing positions, Johnny and Sal headed out of the ring and moved toward the ring entrance, standing in front of large, white curtains. “Well, if our first victim can withstand just three minutes in the ring with Bone Saw McGraw, the sum of three thousand dollars will be paid to…” Johnny stopped talking into the microphone for a brief moment to peek behind the curtain and speak to an unseen person. I couldn’t tell who he was talking to, because the white curtains made it impossible to see who was behind them, and the roars from the crowd made it hard to hear what was being said.

“I wonder who the first victim is.” Fozzie said.

“Someone who’s gonna need a serious medical bill when this is all over.” I told Fozzie, just as Johnny went back to talking into the microphone, announcing the first amateur wrestler.

Frankie: Oh, man! I love this next part!

Mac: Me, too!!

Fozzie: Me, three!!!

Kermit: Me, four!!!!

MW: Me...Wait! Why am I excited? I wrote this chapter.

“THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN!!!!” He yelled, and both he and Sal moved away from the curtains, at the exact moment they parted to reveal a guy that could hardly be classified as a wrestler.

Bloo: Who the heck is that guy?!

Mac: That's Spider-Man, Bloo. You know that.

Bloo: That's not Spider-Man. I've seen Spider-Man, and that's not him! It's just some idiot in a ski mask! WHAT A RIPOFF!!!!

MW: This is just the beginning of the story, Bloo. He'll eventually evolve into his signature costume.

Ron: Doesn't someone have to die first before he does that?

Kim: Ron!!!

Ron: What?!

Kim: Don't ruin it for everyone!

Ron: Oh, please, KP. It's not like we read the comics or seen the movie.

Kim: I haven't! I don't know who any of the characters are, except for the Muppets and MW's character. I don't read comic books that often!

Ron: Oops.

The so-called “Amazing Spider-Man” was a guy that looked like he stood at five foot eight inches, had part of his face obscured by a red ski mask, and wore what appeared to be a homemade wrestling attire of a blue sweatpants, white/red tennis shoes & gloves, and a red sweater that had a fairly amusing black spider insignia on it. Everyone thought that the amateur wrestler known as “Spider-Man” was nothing but a complete waste of time, because he had the appearance of a cruiserweight that was going up against a heavyweight.

Gonzo: He's not even a cruiserweight. He's an underweight.

MW: Good one, Gonz.

As Spider-Man approached the ring and entered into it, my friends and I could not get over the height and build difference between Bone Saw and Spider-Man.

“Sheesh!” exclaimed Kermit, truly astounded. “Look at the size of that Spider-Man guy! He’s a popsicle compared to that behemoth, Bone Saw McGraw, in front of him. He’s gonna die in that ring!”

“Don’t worry, Kermit.” Fozzie said. “It’ll only be for three minutes when these two nice gentlemen fight in the ring. No big deal.”

Kermit: Nice gentlemen? Fozzie, when was the last time you ever watched a real brawl?

Fozzie: Just the other day when you and Piggy were....

Kermit: NEVER MIND!!!!

“Yeah, but it would be a lot more fun if they had them surrounded by a giant, two-ton steel cage.” said Gonzo, and right after he said that, what else were to suddenly fall around the ring than a giant, two-ton steel cage. All of the spectators, including Gonzo, were very pleased to see a massive cage surround the two competitors. “Oh, boy! Now this is what I’m taking about!” Gonzo set down his sign and lifted his camera, aiming it at the ring and taking several pictures of Bone Saw and Spider-Man, while both Kermit and Fozzie were becoming scared and nervous.

Kermit: We can't begin to tell you kids how enormous that cage was.

Kim: I fought Shego in deadlier cages than that.

Gonzo: Boy, would I love to have your lifestyle.

“I-I-It’s o-o-okay.” said Fozzie, frantically containing his composure. “As long as neither one of them have blood squirting out of their heads, everything is okay.” Lori and I saw how Kermit and Fozzie were shaking with fear over the violence that was going to happen inside the ring; my sister turned to me, with a grin on her face.

“Ten bucks sayin’ the web-head’s gonna get his face mauled by Bone Saw.” uttered Lori, and I just couldn’t back away from a beat like that; my money, of course, was on Spider-Man.

“You’re on!” I acknowledged, just as the match between Spidey and Bone Saw commenced.

Kermit: A bet? You two made a bet?

MW: Hey, it was a harmless one.

Kermit: You MC writers sure do expose us to a lot of drama and violence in your fanfics. Is that what we're really all about?

MW: Hey, drama and violence are big attention-getters. You can't have one without the other.

Kermit: Sheesh.

TO BE CONTINUED....​

Bloo: To be continued? What do we do now?

MW: Wait for the next chapter to start.

Ron: Do we have time for a quick bathroom break?

Kim: Drank too much soda again, Ron?

Ron: No, but Rufus did, and the bottom half of my pockets are getting really damp here.

MW: Oh, god! Somebody get that hampster to a toilet!

Ron:*while running out* NAKED MOLE RAT!!!!!

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter One (Part Two):​

Bloo: Finally! I almost thought we weren't coming back!

Mac: You know, Bloo, it would not hurt you to be a little patient at times.

Bloo: I am a little patient....whenever I go see my doctor.

Fozzie: Good one!

The crowd cheered wildly, calling for Spider-Man’s immediate destruction. Bone Saw roared, happy to oblige, and hurled himself across the ring; Spider-Man’s eyes grew wider, seeing the vicious behemoth charging towards him. That’s when the unbelievable happened; at the last second, Spidey leaped straight up in the air. Bone Saw passed under him and rebounded off the ropes, just before he looked up and noticed how Spidey had landed neatly on his shoulders.

Frankie: Oh! Nice move!

Ron: Ha! They look like one big totem pole!

Kermit and Fozzie, who had their hands over their eyes and peeking through them every now and then, couldn’t help but to move them away and take notice of some of the remarkable things that Spider-Man was doing in the ring. Gonzo, sitting in between Gonzo and Fozzie, was cheering over Spidey’s amazing agility.

“Wow!” Gonzo exclaimed. “What kind of wrestler is this guy?”

Bone Saw attempted to fall back and crush Spider-Man under him, but the web-head was too quick for that. He stretched out his wrist and shot a real web straight above him to the bars at the top of the cage, which had to be twenty-feet up. The web stuck there at the top, and when Bone Saw dropped to the canvas, he was alone.

Kim: Eeewww!

Ron: No, not "eewww", KP! It's "oooohhhh"!

Kim: I don't care what it is. No human being fires a real spider web from his wrists. That's just freaky!

Ron: And crazed, mutant monkeys aren't? *shudders as he thinks about monkeys*

Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo were again surprised by the amateur wrestler’s moves, but they couldn’t have been more impressed than Lori and I was. I’ve watched wrestlers do some great things in the ring, every time I cut on the television at nine o’clock in the evening; but never have I seen someone like Spider-Man do any of what he did in that ring.

“This guy isn’t a wrestler!” snapped Lori, angrily. “He’s some kind of freak of nature!” I could tell my sister was only angry because of the money that she was gonna have to give me, if Spidey won the match.

Gonzo: Was ten bucks all you two could bet on?

MW: Are you kidding?! I'm not gonna loose $3,000 on mauled face!

Kermit: Do you really have $3,000?

MW: Ha! Not falling for that again!

Kermit: You don't, do you?

MW:*sigh* No.

“Maybe he’s an alien.” assumed Gonzo, just as Lori gave him a dirty look that Gonzo soon noticed. “Hey, I’m not saying he’s the type that shoots himself out of a cannon, okay?”

Bloo: You once shot yourself out of a cannon?!

Gonzo: You gonna start that again.

Back in the ring, Bone Saw lied on the mat and blinked puzzlingly, the wind completely knocked out of him. Directly above him he noticed Spider-Man, dangling upside-down from his web. Bone Saw screamed in anger and leaped to his feet, while Spidey flipped over and climbed up his web strand, until he was twenty feet above it all.

“What kind of wrestler creates real spider webs?” I asked, but because of the roaring crowd behind us, neither Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, nor Lori heard my question. Of course, it didn’t really matter if they heard it or not, since no one could really answer such a complex question like that.

Gonzo: I could've given you a reasonable answer.

MW: Like what?

Gonzo: He's an alien.

MW: Walked right into that one, didn't I?

Soon Spidey let go of his webbing, dropping twenty feet straight down, and he landed right on top of Bone Saw, who dropped to the canvas beneath him, pinned. The crowd was freaking out and the flashbulbs from several cameras, including the one Gonzo brought, were popping, as the referee counted from one to three and declared Spider-Man as the winner. The once amateur wrestler that had turned into an larger-than-life figure in just two minutes had gained the respect from the raucous crowd; he raised his arms triumphantly.

Cast: YAY, SPIDER-MAN!!!!!

Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I did not know what to say about the amazing display of athleticism that we had just seen. It was evident that we had the perfect story to give J. Jonah Jameson the next day at the Bugle, and Gonzo had the perfect photos to be printed along with it. After the match was over, Lori dug into her small, purple leather purse and handed the ten bucks to me, while giving me a disgusted look.

“And don’t say that I’m never a woman of my word.” said Lori, and I smiled at her, as I took the ten bucks out of her hands.

“Too bad we can’t print this into the paper.” I commented, and Kermit looked at me as if I was crazy, when he heard what I had said.

“You wanna print ten bucks into the next copy of the Daily Bugle?” Kermit inquired.

“No,” I remarked, “I wanna print the fact that she gave me the ten bucks. Until this very night, I have never won a bet against my sister.” That’s when Lori furiously got up from her chair and walked away from us, surprising Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, and me.

Frankie/Madame Foster/Kim: YOU PIG!!!

Coco: Coco! Coco! (Translation: PIG!)

MW: What?! I won fair and square.

Frankie: You just don't take a woman's money like that over some stupid bet!

Kim: Especially if she's your own sister!

Madame Foster: That's just wrong!

MW: Guys! Help me out here!

Kermit: No way. I have enough problems with the other pig.

“Until this very night, I’ve never seen a woman so upset about losing ten bucks.” stated Kermit, and I shook my head with disappointment, not towards Lori…but myself. One of the things that forgot to mention about my sister was that she has a problem with losing; she always likes to win any chance she can get. And I should have known that when I took her ten bucks away from her…and so did Kermit. “It looks like the only thing that’ll make her feel better is getting it back.”

“You really think so?” I asked him.

“Of course.” Kermit replied. “Besides, it would only make you look like a crook, if you didn’t give it back. And the last thing you’d want to do is rob your own sister.”

Kermit: Looks like I'd already expressed my opinion, long before we even started this commentary.

That’s another reason that I love working with Kermit the Frog; he always knows how to convince anyone about anything. He’s the conscience that I dreamed of having, even if he isn’t a cricket.

MW: Obivous nod to Disney, of course.

Kim/Ron: Thank you.

Later that night, as Lori was driving us towards the east part of Manhattan, which was the part of the city that all five of us lived in a crazy apartment building known as “The Happiness Hotel”, Gonzo and Fozzie were sitting in the backseat of the Porsche, while Kermit sat between Lori and me at the front seat. Nobody had said a word to each other during the trip, and Kermit reminded me of what I should do with Lori’s ten bucks, when he gently nudged my right arm.

“Oh, yeah.” I murmured, just before I pulled the ten bucks out of the right pocket of my black jeans and turned to Lori with it. “Here, sis.” Her eyes moved away from the road for a second to glance at what I was handing her, and when she realized it was the ten bucks that she gave me, a smile slowly emerged from her face as she looked back towards the road.

MW: What do you ladies think of me now?

Kim/Frankie/Madame Foster: Sorry.

MW: You're just saying that to keep your parts in the third story.

“This isn’t something that you convinced him to do, is it…Kermit?” She said, and Kermit was surprised over her assumption, believing that she might’ve known about the conversation him and I had.

“Uh, n-no, Lori.” said Kermit, and his stammering may’ve been somewhat of a clue for Lori. “This is all just brotherly love.”

“Brotherly love?” uttered Fozzie, somewhat puzzled, as he looked out the window. “Have we gone past the state line?”

Cast: Wocka! Wocka!

Fozzie: Huh?

Kermit gave Fozzie an exasperated look, at the same time I had placed the ten bucks into Lori’s purse. She noticed the kind gesture that I made just for her, and her smile grew a couple of inches wider.

For a moment, my sister and I were sharing quite a peaceful moment, until we were suddenly cut off by a cluster of squad cars that seemed to be heading in the direction of the Hudson River. Because of the sudden distraction, Lori lost control of her Porsche and accidentally drove it onto the sidewalk; the only thing that stopped us was a red fire hydrant that slammed against the front of the car. Not only did the impact put a nasty dent on the grill, but it also detached the hydrant from the pavement and unleashed a geyser of water that showered all over us.

MW: I just want to point out that no Porsches were harmed during the making of this fanfic.

Frankie: The paint job definitely didn't survive from that. But, hey, at least you guys don't have to take it to a car wash.

Bloo: Leave the comedy to the professionals, Frankie.

Fozzie: That's me.

Bloo: I repeat...Leave the comedy to the professionals.

“Aw, man!” exclaimed Lori, as we all stepped out of the Porsche and saw how horrible the damages were. “My insurance is halfway to Krypton by now!”

MW: Obvious shout out to our friends in the DC Universe.

Bloo: Yeeeah. About your little Sesame Street/Superman story....didn't like it.

MW: I don't think anyone did.

Kermit: I did.

MW: That's only because you were in it.

Kermit: I was? Huh.

Gonzo: At least you got something that Bryan Singer wished he had.

MW: What? Better communication skills?

Cast: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Gonzo: I was gonna say better marketing skills; but that's true, too.

While the rest of us were gazing at the damages, Gonzo was focusing on the squad cars that were still heading towards the Hudson River waterfront.

“Only a serious crime can attract that many police officers.” said Gonzo, and I knew by the ecstatic tone in his voice that he was just itching to get in on the action.

“If you’re thinking about investigating that situation, you might as well forget about it, because this Porsche is going nowhere.” I told Gonzo, who took one good look at the front of Lori’s Porsche and then turned his attention to an approaching taxicab. What Gonzo did next didn’t surprise any of us. Once the cab came near the area, Gonzo jumped high into the air and landed on the cab’s hood, forcing it to come to an abrupt stop.

Cast: WHOA!!!!

Bloo: That was awesome!!!!

MW: Gonzo, do you still do that move?

Gonzo: After that tire rolled over my head that one day? HECK YES!!!

“As long as they keep on stopping, we’ve got nothing to worry about.” uttered Kermit, while Gonzo, still on the hood of the cab, turned to us.

“Well?” He said. “Are we going or what?”

“Wait a minute!” Lori shouted. “We can’t just leave my Porsche here!”

“Sis, I’m sure no one in this side of the neighborhood would steal a wrecked Porsche.” I said, and Lori gazed at her car for a moment, thinking over what I told her, and she made up her mind.

“Okay.” Sometimes it surprises me how easy it is to convince my sister about something. Before we went into the taxicab, I contacted the local auto repair shop on my cellular phone, and I gave them the location to where the wrecked Porsche was (in order for them to tow it away) and also that my friends and I would meet them at the shop in an hour.

Following the fast-moving squad cars, we soon found ourselves exactly where I figured we would end up: on the Hudson River’s waterfront. It was there when we found a ring of police cars surrounding an abandoned factory, where a Chevy had crashed into a dumpster, with the driver’s door hanging open.

MW: There goes Sam's car.

Mac: Don't you mean Uncle Ben's car?

MW: Oh, right. Yeah.

Radios were squawking and cops were clustering around the barricades, planning how to go in and who had to do it. Desperate to get the scoop, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I approached a police captain and started asking questions.

“What’s going on?” That was the first obvious question that I asked the captain.

“We got word that some carjacker committed a murder/thief, just fifteen minutes ago.” replied the captain, and Gonzo was beginning to get very excited, realizing how big of a story we had on our hands. But Lori desperately tried to get Gonzo to contain his excitement, long enough for us to get more out of what was happening.

“Where was the crime committed?” Kermit inquired.

“Right outside the Victor Richards Arena in Downtown Manhattan.”

MW: Obvious combination to the F4 characters "Reed Richards" and "Victor Von Doom".

Bloo: Yeeeeah. About your recent crossover....

MW: You wanna be in my next one?

Bloo: Of course!!!

MW: Then shut up.

That’s when it struck us hard that the whole incident had occurred near the same location we were in, only seconds after we left. Before I could’ve asked the captain another question, his eyes darted toward us, and he soon realized that the five of us were only reporters; he started to push us away from the scene. “Alright! Get back! This is no place for press members!”

“Who said anything about us being members of the press?” asked Gonzo, just before the police captain reached over to Fozzie and touched the press card on his hat with his left index finger. It was that one thing that told the captain about us.

“Oh…this?” said Fozzie, and he began to make up one horrible cover-up. “This is just something that my mom told me to wear, because…because…i-i-it helps me know what to do after I ‘handle my business’.” While Fozzie was grinning ignorantly at the captain, the rest of us lowered our heads with exasperation.

Fozzie: Well, it's true!

MW: TMI, Fozzie. You know what that means? "Too Much Information"!

Fozzie: I thought that meant "The Muppet Intuition".

“I did not need to hear that.” I uttered, just as an officer shouted out to everyone and aimed the searchlight towards a certain part of the factory.

“Hey! Look!” He said, and we all turned our heads to see where the light was illuminating and spotted two male figures standing near an old, dirty window that was shut. It wasn’t that long before something shocking had happened, such as one of the figures falling backwards towards the window, crashing right through it, and falling at least forty feet to the hard wooden deck below.

Cast: OOOOOOHHHH!!!

Kermit: I don't believe in violence. I don't believe in violence.

“Wow!” exclaimed Gonzo, as we all walked over to the inert body that was lying across the deck. It was the body of a squirrelly-looking guy with hair that was dyed in a platinum blonde color, and the wicked fall that he took had completely broken his neck in half, thus killing him.

Kermit: I DON'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE! I DON'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE!!!

As Gonzo began taking pictures of the man’s dead body, I looked up at the section of the building that he had fallen from, only to see the second figure standing by the shattered window and looking down in our direction. I wasn’t exactly sure which of the two men was the carjacker, but I started to think it was the same amateur wrestler that defeated Bone Saw McGraw, because the second figure was wearing the exact same Spider-Man attire.

“There he is!” Those were the three words that came out of my mouth, as I pointed to where the second figure was standing. But as soon as I blinked, the man had disappeared from the spot and Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, Lori, and all of the officers were left staring at an empty space.

“There who is, Sean?” asked Kermit, and even though I wasn’t looking at him when he questioned me, I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was extremely confused. Frankly, I wouldn’t blame him for being that confused, since I seemed to be quite lost myself as to what was going on and how we were gonna tell Jonah all about it the next day.

END OF CHAPTER ONE​

Mac: Awesome chapter!

Kim: You alright, Kermit?

Kermit: Yeah. I just need to get some air.

MW: We'll continue on with the commentary as soon as you get back, buddy.

Kermit: If I come back. And that's a big "if".

Bloo: Ten bucks sayin' he won't come back.

Mac: BLOO!!!!

 

[muppetwriter]

The plot thickens in the next chapter of this tale.

Bloo: Whoa! That was a LAME line!

MW: Wow, Bloo. I think I just found a replacement for your character in the third story!

Bloo: Did I say "lame"? I meant MARVELOUS!

MW: That's what I thought.

Chapter Two:​

The next day at the Daily Bugle was quite a dozy; I remember us telling Jonah everything that happened the other night, from the wrestling event to the carjacking incident that occurred afterwards. Jameson had shown more interest in the carjacking incident than he did in the wrestling event, which pretty much told me that we did the right thing following the police to the scene at the abandoned factory. We really owed Gonzo one for convincing us that it was an excellent idea.

Gonzo: Everybody always owes me for something, and I never get anything back. When am I gonna get what I'm owed?

When Jonah asked if we had taken any pictures from the crime scene, we couldn’t have been happier to give him the copies that Gonzo made especially for him. Usually when Jonah analyzed a Bugle photographer’s pictures, he’d make offensive comments about them and then congratulates the photographer for taking them. However, the story with Gonzo was the complete opposite; whenever he analyzed his pictures, Jonah would first make pleasant comments about Gonzo’s photos and then tell him to do a better job next time.

“Sure thing, Mr. Jameson.” Gonzo would always say this with affirmation, even though he had no idea what made his previous photos so bad.

Gonzo: A little advice for any future Daily Bugle photographers: always take J. Jonah Jameson's insults for a compliment.

Kermit: Yeah. It'll keep you from getting fired.

Frankie: I should remember that, because I think I'm gonna be one in the third story. *gets a little nervous*

After analyzing the photos (which were actually of the squirrelly-looking fella with the platinum blonde hair and not of the other guy, Spider-Man), Jameson then asked us basic things about the story, like: “Where did it happen?”, “How did it happen?”, and “Who was responsible?” However, on that particular day, he just came right down and asked one simple question.

“So who was the carjacking murderer?” He said, and his question seemed a little…no, very puzzling to us.

“Uh, what do you mean, Mr. Jameson?” asked Kermit, sincerely. “The photo of the carjacker is right there.”

“No, Mr. The Frog…” said Jameson, while Kermit was quick to correct him about his name.

Kermit: Another bit of advice: never try and correct the boss.

MW: But you did just that in the next quote.

“It’s, uh, just Kermit, sir.” insisted Kermit, and Jameson gave him a blank stare that told Kermit that it really didn’t matter what name he preferred to go by. “Um…” Kermit swallowed hard under his nervousness, “You were saying, sir?”

Kermit: Insert flipper to mouth.

“You five gave me photos of a dead man that you claimed was the carjacker.” Jameson indicated. “But right now, I’m under the influence that this deceased man is not the murderous carjacker.”

“But the police said that he was the only suspect at the scene.” I said.

“The police also said that two men were spotted inside the factory at the scene, just before the one man fell out the window.” Jameson stated. “Now how are any of us supposed to know that the one suspect at the scene is the real culprit of the crime?”

“The description they had of the carjacker they were looking for matched the identity of the man that died at that scene.” Lori told Jonah. “Wouldn’t you think that’s enough proof as to who the real culprit is?”

Kim: Why do I get the feeling we're watching CSI?

Ron: Crime talk always does that to ya, KP.

“What I think is that this second weirdo that was at the scene is a murderer himself!” Jameson exclaimed.

Gonzo: Was Mr. Jameson making a reference to me when he said "weirdo"?

MW: No, I'd intentionally put that there to show that "weirdo" is in fact one of J. Jonah Jameson's favorite words. But, now that you mention it, it is kind of a reference to you.

Gonzo: Oh, thanks....I think.

“He murdered the murderer, which pretty much makes him a murderer himself.” At that moment, I wanted to tell Jameson that he may’ve been right, because the second guy that I spotted in the previous night was one of the contestants from the wrestling event and that his name was Spider-Man. I refused to tell him at that moment, only because I wanted to be sure if Spidey was really who I believed him to be.

“Well, what do you want us to do, Mr. Jameson?” asked Kermit, and Jonah took his time thinking up an answer to Kermit’s question, as he sucked on his huge, brown cigar and blew out a lot of gray smoke from his mouth. That’s when he finally came up with a good reply.

“A raise!” He said, and the five of us were pleased to hear that, until he afterwards added, “Yeah! A two percent increase in your salary.” What was so disappointing to us about that raise was the fact that Jameson wasn’t even paying us that much anyway! All we got for working ten hours a day was twenty dollars, and that even wasn’t enough to pay for our rent at the “Happiness Hotel.”

Frankie: Man! I know exactly how you guys feel about that.

Bloo: If the Foster's mansion such a dump, Frankie, then why don't you clean it up once in a while?

Frankie: I do, Bloo. And, FYI, I was talking about the "twenty dollars for ten hours a day" part!!!!

Bloo: Ohhhhh....my bad.

Frankie: Aargh!!!

“Sounds…great…sir.” I said, unenthusiastically, and Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Lori were sharing the exact same feeling I was.

“Good!” Jonah remarked. “Now get out of my office, before I change my mind.” We were on our way out of Jameson’s office, until the phone on Jameson’s desk rang, and he picked up the receiver to speak to the person on the other line. Before we even made it out the door, Jameson pointed to us and called us back in for something, right before he got done talking to the caller and hung up the phone.

It turned out the person on the other line was the same police captain that we met last night near the abandoned factory. He and some fellow officers were doing some investigating at the scene, and they needed Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and me to go over there and help them out, since we happened to be at the scene in the previous evening.

Of course, the five of us were happy to accommodate the police in their investigation at the factory near the Hudson River; unfortunately, we had to take another taxi to the location, since Lori’s Porsche was still being repaired at “Oz’s Fix-Up Shop” (I can only imagine how much we’ll have to pay for it).

Eduardo: You took senorita Lori's Porsche to the Wizard of Oz?!

Mac: Told ya he wasn't big on muppeteers.

Once we arrived at the factory that early afternoon, we joined the police captain, whose name turned out to be “Larkin,” and assisted him and his fellow officers in an investigation throughout the entire building.

During the investigation, my friends and I had split up; while Gonzo, Fozzie, and Lori went with some other officers, Kermit and I joined Captain Larkin and three lieutenants in inspecting a room that was somewhere on the nineteenth floor of the factory. Neither of us found anything that would help us out in our investigation; that is, until Kermit discovered a strand of webbing on the floor.

“Hey, look at this.” said Kermit, and he picked up the web strand, just before we examined it closely. I knew that my suspicions were correct, because the web strand was as real as the ones that Spider-Man shot out of his wrist during the match between him and Bone Saw McGraw. Captain Larkin and the lieutenants only saw the web strand as something that some of the common spiders in the condemned building made.

“This is a pretty old building.” Larkin told Kermit. “I’m afraid a simple strand of spider-webbing isn’t much evidence to go by, Mr. Frog.”

Kermit: Now he got my name right! I hope your MC buddies are taking notes, MW! You don't refer to me as "Mr. The Frog"! They call me "Mr. Frog"!

MW: Whatever you say, Virgil.

Kermit: What?

MW: Payback for the "Theo" crack! That's what! Ha!

“Yeah, but look at the size of it, Captain.” Kermit indicated. “I’ve seen a lot of spider webs back at the old swamp, and they were nothing as big as this one is.” Kermit had an excellent point; normal web strands have the size and thickness of an average dime, but the one we found there in the room was almost the size and thickness of a human arm.

“I seriously doubt if we’re dealing with a giant, mutated spider here, Captain.” I bantered, and the lieutenants chuckled over the ridiculous joke that I made, while Larkin didn’t seem too amused. He set his hands on his hips, as he gave me a cold, hard stare that did not intimate me at all.

MW: He really thought he had me with that stare. You can't break me. I'm practically indestructible.

Kim: Hey, Mr. Indestructible. There's gum on your shoe.

MW: WHAT?!?! OH, MAN!! AND I JUST PAID FOR THESE SHOES, MAN!!!!

Fozzie: Hey, now that's ironic. Sean's got gum on his shoe, and he's playing one in this part of the story. I should probably say "Wocka, Wocka" at this point, but I'm not sure if irony should be considered a joke.

“So, uh, what do you think it may’ve been, Mr. Thomas?” He asked. “Could it be some kind of man that shoots fake webs out of his body like a real spider?” Larkin didn’t know how far from the truth he was. I wanted to tell him all that I knew about “The Amazing Spider-Man,” but it was at that moment in time when my suspicions began to change. Instead of thinking that Spidey was some sort of murderous criminal that might’ve killed the carjacker in cold blood, I was beginning to believe that he truly was some kind of a hero and that he did everything out of justice only.

“You tell me, Captain.” I said. “Your theory is as good as mine.” Larkin just stood there and looked at me for at least four or five minutes, and then he just slightly nodded his head and turned to Kermit and the web strand in his hands, with his back facing me. That one reaction told me that he was the one that was intimated.

MW: You see? I turned myself into one bad mother...

Cast: Watch your mouth!

MW: I'm only talkin' about me.

Cast: We can dig it.

Fozzie: Wocka, Wocka!

“Look, I don’t think that this was some mutated spider or some guy’s idea of a practical joke.” said Kermit, as he dropped the web strand and moved over to the shattered window. “What I do know is that the carjacker didn’t fall out by accident. I’m thinking that he may’ve been startled by the other guy’s appearance, and it prompted him to take quite a dive.”

“But who is this other man that was spotted at the scene?” Larkin queried. “And is he as dangerous as the carjacker was?” That’s when Gonzo, Fozzie, Lori, and the other officers rushed into the room, with one of the officers holding a red object in his right hand.

“Captain!” The officer exclaimed. “We found this on the roof of the building.” He handed the object to Larkin, and as he held it in his hands, we all got a good glimpse of it. The object turned out to be a red ski mask that was very much identical to the one that Spider-Man wore on his head, during the wrestling match. I knew that this might’ve hinted Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Lori that Spidey was probably at the scene on the night before, because each of them were giving suspicious looks to one another.

Luckily, Larkin did not take the red ski mask as a legit piece of evidence, the same way he didn’t trust in Kermit’s discovery of the huge web strand. He believed that much stronger evidence (i.e. any type of fingerprinted weapon, a wad of chewed-up gum, or anything that had a trace of DNA on it) was a lot provable. But a red ski mask and a large web strand were, in his mind, pointless to the investigation.

“I’m beginning to think that this whole thing is just a waste of time.” Larkin said. “The culprit of this crime is dead, so there’s no sense in doing any further investigating.”

“But, Captain,” Another officer uttered, “What about the second suspect who was spotted at the scene?”

“As far as I’m concerned, there is no second suspect.” Larkin said. “It may’ve been just some kind of statue that freaked the carjacker out, just before he crashed through the window and fell to his death.” Lori found the captain’s assumptions a little difficult to accept.

“A statue?” She said, dryly, and Larkin gave her that same cold, hard stare that he gave me. Of course, he was staring at a fellow member of my family, so it was obvious that she wouldn’t be intimated either.

Kim: Oh, I like her.

MW: Really? Maybe I'll bring her back for the third story.

Kim: And clash with my hard-as-nails personality? So the drama!

MW: I figured you'd say something like that.

Kim:*gasps in realization* Man, you ARE good.

“Yes, ma’am…a statue!” exclaimed Larkin, just as he turned to the other officers. “Come on, boys! Let’s go get some lunch!” And with that, Larkin and the other NYPD members departed from the scene, leaving the rest of us standing in an empty room. Lori was very upset over the fact that the officers were just letting the situation fly over their heads, when there was still much to be investigated.

“I don’t buy that whole ‘statue’ thing for a second!” Lori snapped. “I don’t think any of us should give up on this!”

“Well, what’re we supposed to do? Go out and place that mask on every head in New York, just to see if it fits?” said Gonzo, and his eyes widened with amusement at the thought of that idea. “Hey, that might be crazy enough to work.”

“Gonzo, there has to be millions of people here in the city.” Kermit said. “I’d doubt if we would find the owner of that mask, just by fitting it on their heads.”

“You never know when one of those people might have the largest head in the world.” Gonzo remarked.

“And what would that prove?” Kermit asked.

“Well, for one thing, it’d prove that they have a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records.” replied Gonzo, and Kermit made an exasperated face, while shaking his head and putting his right hand over his face. I immediately ended all of the bickering by using my common sense, which happened to be a vital tool of mine.

Gonzo: That idea really could've worked. And we probably could've become billionaires.

MW: You guys are already billionaires in REAL life.

Gonzo: Yeah, but could you imagine if we had become ones in the story?

Kermit: Then where would the story go? It's supposed to be a Muppets/Marvel Comics crossover, Gonzo; not "Who Wants To Be A Muppet Millionaire".

Gonzo: I dunno. But we could've been bigger than Spidey himself.

Kermit: Sheesh.

“Look, maybe Larkin just happen to have the right idea,” I said, “We can’t really go by a red ski mask and a large web strand.”

“Sean!” shouted Lori, who looked as if she was appalled over the fact that I was giving up so quickly. “What’re you saying?! It's obvious that these two pieces of evidence prove that the second man may’ve been…” Before Lori could’ve said “amazing” or “Spider-Man,” I interrupted her quite abruptly and aggressively.

“I said drop it, Lori!” I yelled, and I believe the harsh tone in my voice might’ve forced my friends to jump a little, so I cooled myself down a bit. “It’s best if we just ignore this whole thing and go on with our lives, okay?” It was quiet in the room for a very long time, before Lori finally nodded her head in acknowledgement; she then left the room with a great deal of disappointment, which kind of upset me.

Frankie: Wow. A little hard on the girl, weren't you?

MW: Well, I had to protect Spidey's reputation.

Kermit: What reputation? He wasn't even Spider-Man yet.

MW: I'll say it again...It's JUST a story, people!!

“We’ll leave you alone for a while, Sean.” said Kermit, and I felt appreciated that he knew exactly what I was going through right now and that I needed some time to myself to think about the sudden situation. As soon as Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo left the room, I paced back and forth around the empty room, pondering over everything that I had discovered about the mysterious Spider-Man that seemed to have saved the day.

Cast:*singing* One is the lonliest number that you'll ever see.

MW: Stop it.

Cast:*still singing* One is the only number that....

MW: STOP IT!!

Bloo: Gladly, 'cause I don't know the rest of the words to that song.

But my train of thought was broken as soon as something fell right in front of my face and hit the ground with a gentle splattering noise. I looked down at the object and noticed that it was another strand of webbing that was identical to the one Kermit found. Suddenly, something else fell from above and that time landed on the back of my neck; as I moved it away from there, it felt real warm and sticky like caramel. When I got the substance off my neck, I gazed at it in my left hand and saw how it was yet another strand of webbing.

Kim: Ewww! Cringe alert! Cringe alert! That's so disgusting!

Bloo: Terrific. Another "K" character is going to freak out over nothing.

Curiously, I looked up from the web strand in my hand to the rafters above my head, only to see how they were entirely covered with endless spider webs that were bigger than the usual ones that you would find in places like Kermit’s old swamp home. I didn’t know how Captain Larkin, the others, or I could have missed such an unusual display, because it might’ve been the best bit of evidence that we could find. But it was probably for the best that neither of us discovered it; otherwise, Spider-Man would’ve become the suspect that I believed him to be. I simply left the room and rejoined Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Lori outside the factory, where we got into our taxi and left the scene.

END OF CHAPTER TWO​

Mac: Another awesome chapter!

Bloo: What was so awesome about it? All you guys did was talk about webs, raises, and ski masks! All you guys did was just stand around and talk! Where was the action? I WANT ACTION!!!!

MW: Oh, you're gonna get action, Bloo.

Bloo:*a little afraid* Uh...was he talking about the next chapter....or did he just threaten me?

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Three (Part One):​

Bloo: Aw, man! Not another two-parter!

Ron: Hey, I just got one question before we start. Where are we in this story?

MW: "We" meaning who? You and Kim?

Kim: Not just us, but all of these additional characters you have. Where are they?

MW: Well, this was before I had the idea to bring characters from my favorite cartoon shows into the "MARVELOUS Muppets" universe. More characters develop more story.

Ron: Oh...cool.

Kermit: So, if they're not in this story, how come they're commentating with us now?

MW: Because....Wow. Didn't think of that one.

Cast:*cough*Bryan Singer!*cough*

MW: Very funny.

Not telling anyone about everything that I knew and suspected concerning Spider-Man was probably the best thing that I could’ve done in my entire life, because the next few months turned out to be just one enormous transition from zero to hero for him. Over those few months, Spidey had done so many great things for so many innocent people in New York City, thus proving to be a worthy superman figure (well, actually…that’s another story).

Bloo: Yeah, another story that really...*looks at MW*...kicked butt!

Mac: Nice save.

Everyone at the Bugle was running ragged over the “Spider Craze” that was happening all over the city, trying to get the scoop before other tabloid newspapers did. If there was one thing that I might’ve regretted about not telling anyone about Spider-Man, it was not telling Jonah about it first; because since he found out about the wall-crawler, he had become harder to be around than ever before, due to his unhealthy obsession. However, if Jonah did know about it before everyone else, then Spider-Man’s reputation would’ve been ruined, even before he gained one. Jonah didn’t buy the heroic figure that Spidey had donned upon himself; for some strange reason, he was anxious to exploit Spider-Man for the “criminal” that he believed him to be.

Kermit: Speaking of Superman, why can't Jonah Jameson be like that other editor-in-chief of the Daily Planet? What was his name?

Fozzie: Pearly White?

MW: Best save the "Sesame, DC" references for the SS/Superman story commentary, Kerm. Copyright purposes, you know.

Kermit: Who's going to sue you? Yourself?

While Jonah was on his obsessive mission, the rest of us were busy going to places where we could get some positive reactions to Spider-Man’s goodwill towards the New York citizens. The one place that Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I decided to go to for some great interviews was, of course, Sesame Street; it was there that Spider-Man was last spotted, stopping a gang of prowlers from getting away with some serious crimes. Luckily, when we arrived at Sesame Street, all of the residents had gathered together at a street corner, discussing about Spider-Man’s recent appearance.

Kermit: Okay. So, if the Sesame Street characters are in "The MARVELOUS Muppets" universe, then does that mean our story takes place near Metropolis?

MW: You're really starting to sound like a MC member I know.

Kermit: Just trying to get your facts straight.

MW: They're set in two complete different universes, thus the reason why you're not seeing the Daily Planet building in this scene from the story.

Bloo: "MARVELOUS" universe..."Sesame, DC" universe....All I want to know is where's the action?!

“It was unbelievable!” Bob exclaimed. “One minute, Mr. Hooper’s shop was almost broken into, and then the next…Spider-Man swoops out of nowhere and traps a couple of burglars in his web.” Everyone shared their amazement over the story that Bob told them, just as Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I came over to them and attempted to get an interview.

“Hi-ho, everyone.” said Kermit, who was sort of like a native to Sesame Street, with his history of reporting there and all. As soon as all of the Sesame Street natives noticed Kermit, big smiles appeared on all of their faces.

“Hey, look, everybody!” Big Bird said. “Kermit’s back!” However, the infamous Oscar the Grouch seemed to be the only one not happy to see Kermit back in Sesame Street.

“Oh, great. The annoying amphibian’s back to pester us with more of his investigative reporting.” grumbled Oscar, but Kermit didn’t let his negativity bother him.

Frankie: You know, speaking through experience from the SS/Superman story, that Oscar the Grouch isn't the easiest character to work with.

Mr. Herriman: Quite right! He has no respect for the REAL talent.

MW: I wouldn't let him catch you saying that about him, Mr. H.

Mr. Herriman: I do not care. It is the truth.

Frankie: Oh, my gosh! There's Oscar right now!

Mr. Herriman: WHERE?! I-I-I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID, MR. GROUCH! YOU'RE A VERY TALENTED CHARACTER! PLEASE DON'T DUMP TRASH ON ME!!!

Frankie:*laughs* Gotcha.

“Yeah, it’s great to see you, too, Oscar.” uttered Kermit, as he focused on everyone else. “Hey, everybody, these are a few friends of mine that I brought with me from the other side of the bridge.” He gestured towards the rest of us and began introducing. “This is Gonzo the Great, Fozzie the Bear, Sean Thomas, and his older sister, Lori.”

“Welcome to Sesame Street.” Maria told us.

Wilt: You know, we never did find out how to get to Sesame Street, while working on that Superman story.

Bloo: And we still won't, because I heard that we won't be in the next story...*under his breath*...thank goodness.

Eduardo: What?! How come we won't be in the next story, senor Sean?

MW: Well...uh....

“It’s great to be here.” I said. “Kermit has told us a lot of interesting stories that he has covered here in this side of town.”

“Are you here to get a scoop on the Amazing Spider-Man?” Elmo inquired.

Eduardo: I WILL MISS YOU, SENOR ELMO! WHHHHAAAAAA!!!!

MW: Oh, no. Will someone please calm him down?

Frankie: You're the one that told him he won't be in the next "Sesame, DC" story. So YOU calm him!!

MW: I hate internet rumors.

“Well, what do you think?” said Oscar, sarcastically. “That web-head has been the talk of the town, ever since he started saving everyone from everything. Personally, I think we were all fine, until he came around.” The other residents of Sesame Street were a little disappointed by Oscar’s rudeness towards Spider-Man.

Kermit: Didn't he feel the same way about Superman?

MW: He feels that way about everybody.

“Oscar, how could you say something like that, just after what we been through?” Luis asked. “If it wasn’t for Spider-Man, Big Bird’s nest and everything around it would’ve been stolen by those burglars.”

“That’s right, Oscar.” said Big Bird, but Oscar didn’t seem to be convinced or even cared for that matter.

“So the web-head saved bird-brain’s nest! No big deal!” exclaimed Oscar, in that grouchy tone of his.

“How about the robbery that almost took place at the Mail-It Shop?” Gabby asked Oscar. “A lot of people’s mail could’ve been stolen that night.”

“That’s right.” affirmed Maria, but Oscar still refused to be convinced.

Kim: Since when is stolen mail a big deal?

Kermit: Trust me. In Sesame Street, stolen mail is a HUGE deal.

Ron: Anthrax, eh? Not surprise from a place where bird flu could be a MASSIVE catatrophe.

Kim: RON!!!

“A bunch of dumb letters and packages that were sent by a bunch of dumb people from far away wouldn’t have been missed! Believe me!” Oscar contradicted.

“And what about all of the cars that could’ve been stolen, Oscar?” Gordon stated. “Almost half of them were broken into last night.” I believe it was then that Oscar began to change his feelings about the whole thing, thinking that prowlers stealing cars was a somewhat serious situation.

“Well, uh…” He stammered, and before he could’ve come up with a perfect retort, Telly spoke up.

“A-And what about your home, Oscar?” Telly queried. “If S-Spider-Man hadn’t been here, those crooks would’ve stolen your garbage can for sure…and…and probably with you in it!” Though Oscar was rude to each and every one of them, the S.S. gang shuddered at the thought of Oscar being abducted by criminals; as they chattered amongst themselves, Oscar became very furious (probably because he was proven wrong again) and snapped at his “friends.”

Bloo: Man, I just hate people who don't wanna admit when they're wrong.

Mac:*sarcastic* Gee, why does that sound so familiar?

Bloo: Don't beat yourself up too much, Mac. You're obviously not alone.

Mac: WHAT?!?!

“Alright!” Oscar bellowed. “So the Man-Spider…”

Cast: SPIDER-MAN!

“Spider-Man!” Everyone corrected him.

MW: Wow. Didn't know we had such a wonderful stereo system in this thread.

“Whatever!” Oscar remarked.

Gonzo: There goes another reference to me.

“So he saved us common folk from a bunch of wimpy prowlers! I still think this world was just fine, before he showed his ugly mug here in the city!”

“But, Oscar, this world was plagued with nothing but crime, before Spider-Man showed up.” Bob indicated.

“You say that like it’s some kind of disease.” Oscar said.

“In a way, Oscar…it is.” stated Gordon, and everyone nodded in agreement with him, while Oscar became more and more furious.

“Well, say what you want about that pest! Yeah, he can do whatever a spider can, like spin a web any size and catch thieves just like flies…” said Oscar, just as the others abruptly interrupted him with excitable comments.

MW: Uh-oh. Here we go.

“Is he strong?” asked Fozzie, as he was jotting down notes of everyone’s comments on a small notebook.

“Listen, bud!” snapped Oscar, impatiently, and he tried to get his comment out, until Baby Bear interrupted him.

“He’s got wadioactive blood!” He told Fozzie.

“Can he swing from a thread?” Lori inquired.

“Just take a look overhead.” Bob told her, just before one of the little kids that hung around Sesame Street pointed to something.

“Hey! There goes the Spider-Man!” yelled the kid, and sure enough, far in the distance, there went the Amazing Spider-Man, swinging in and out between large buildings like he always did.

Cast: Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can!

Ron: REMIX!!!

Cast: S-S-S-S-Spidey! Spidey! WHAZZUP!!

MW: Knock it off, guys. We got a commentary to do here.

Everyone, except for Oscar, was amazed by the appearance of the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man; just seeing him there in the distance made Oscar a thousand times more frustrated.

“Alright! That’s it!” Oscar shouted. “I’m sick of everyone bragging about the Spider-Man! He’s not as great as you all claim he is!”

“If he can stop a gang of prowlers, then he must be great.” Big Bird told Oscar.

“Just wait and see, ya big turkey!” Oscar said. “One of these days, Spider-Man will meet his match, and then who will ya cheer for, huh?”

Kermit: Is that a reference to who I think it is?

MW: Oh, yeah.

“Oscar, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re…jealous.” commented Maria, and a sly grin crept across Oscar’s furry face.

“Well, what can I say, Maria? I am a green grouch after all!” remarked Oscar, dryly, just before he turned back to Kermit. “Speaking of which, good luck on the story, Kermit…NOT!!!!” After that, he ducked his head back into his garbage can and slammed the lid shut, giving himself the privacy that he wanted.

“Boy, what a grouch!” Gonzo said.

“Well, that’s Oscar for ya.” said Kermit, and that’s when the cellular phone in my right pocket rang. When I took it out and answered it, who else were to be on the other line than J. Jonah Jameson himself, shouting loud enough for me to move the receiver away from my ear.

Ron: You really oughta try T-Mobile.

Kim:*covers Ron's mouth* Can you hear me now?

Ron:*mumbles*

Kim: Good.

First, Jonah asked me where Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I were at that time, and I didn’t have the heart (or courage, for that matter) to tell him that we were trying to get some positive reviews on Spider-Man at Sesame Street. I simply told Jonah that we were grabbing a bite at Burger King, while interviewing an employee that had some negative things to say about Spidey.

Mac: Hey, are they still selling our toys at BK?

Frankie: No, I think they stopped about a few months ago.

Bloo: WHAT?! Well, I'VE got something NEGATIVE to say about THEM.

Mac: Chill out, Bloo. At least we're still on Cartoon Network.

Bloo: That's true. *turns to KP characters* Too bad you guys can't say the same right now.

Kim: WHAT?!

Ron: A few more months, KP. Just focus on those few more months.

Right after he told me to drop the whopper, he instructed us to head over to Times Square and join in on the World Unity Festival (which was kinda like a copy of the Macy’s Thanksgiving parades, with large balloons and everything) that was being held. He said that there was some important board directors from the OsCorp and AeroQuest companies that were going to be there to seal the deal on their merger and that we needed to get some photos of them.

Jonah added that Peter Parker, an 18-year-old amateur photographer that was hired only a month ago, was also going to be there to assist us in taking photos. Kermit and I happened to have the chance to meet Parker on the day he was hired by Jonah; he is a great-looking kid with a lot of potential, but he always seems to be unsure about his lifestyle. Sometimes he comes to either Kermit or me and asks us for some advice on things like women, rich friends, college, and life itself. We didn’t really give him some legit answers, but we knew that we were helping him in a way that seemed satisfying. I could tell that he was the type of kid that had a rough time in high school, because his appearance did seem kind of…geeky.

Bloo: Maybe I should help him boost his popularity, like I did with Mac.

Mac: Ha! If you plan on doing that, then we might as well color him "doomed".

Fozzie: What does his color have anything to do with it?

Bloo: Good question. Mac?

Mac: Sheesh.

We said farewell to all of our friends at Sesame Street and took a taxicab (Lori’s Porsche was still under heavy repairs by that time) over to the World Unity Festival at Times Square, where we met up with Peter Parker in a vast crowd of people. I introduced Peter to Fozzie, Gonzo, and Lori under the heavy loud music that was being performed by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, who just happen to live with us at the Happiness Hotel; they were joined on stage, for that one time only, by a famous pop singer named Macy Gray.

Ron: Hey...so it IS a Macy's parade.

Kim: Lame, Ron. Really lame.

Kermit: Wow. The EM band never sounded so good with Miss Gray.

Gonzo: Yeah. They should really work with her more often. That is, if Animal would stop chasing her off.

MW: Wait. How can you guys hear any music? It's a story.

Kermit: The power of imagnation. Wonderful, isn't it?

As we stood in the large crowd of spectators, Peter and Lori began taking photos of the board directors that were high above the festivities on a wide balcony to the colossal Empire Grand building. With the board members were military personnel, ambassadors from other countries, and two people that Peter seemed to have known personally. I noticed how Gonzo was taking photos of something else that had nothing to do with our assignment.

“Gonzo! What’re you doing?” I asked him.

“There’s a guy over there that looks just like Stan Lee!” He replied, and I looked across the heads of several people to see a man that indeed looked like the famous comic book guru. Fozzie also noticed the Stan Lee look-a-like standing nearby and got twice as excited as Gonzo was.

“Hey! Could you imagine the publicity the Bugle would get, if we were to interview a guy like him?” Fozzie asked.

“Yeah!” said Gonzo, and I knew immediately that a bad idea was coming up.

“No. You…You guys aren’t thinking of…” I uttered, and before I could’ve finished my question, Gonzo and Fozzie went right ahead and walked off to interview the man that they believed to be Stan Lee. Kermit walked up next to me and also watched them disappear into the crowd.

Gonzo: Man. That Stan Lee really is a terrific character. Reminds me a lot of Jim Henson...except he's into comics, not Muppets.

Fozzie: Hey, did you ever get into that show he did recently? That "Who Wants To Be A Superhero" show?

Gonzo: No, unfortunately. I had a great idea for a superhero, too. Better than that Feedback guy that won.

Kermit: What was it?

Gonzo: I'd tell ya, but it's too complicated.

MW: Just like the reality of that show.

“Where are those two going?” asked Kermit, with a puzzled yet annoyed tone.

“Oh, they found some guy that looks like Stan Lee, and they’re going to interview him.” I said, and Kermit just stared at me for a while and then shook his head.

“You wanna know something more amazing than Spider-Man?” Kermit asked.

“What?” I said.

“The fact that those two have kept their jobs longer than anyone else on the staff.” Kermit said.

“I heard that.” I rejoined, just as Lori approached us with a fulfilled grin on her face.

“I’ve got enough pictures on this camera to develop a comic book!” exclaimed Lori, happily, as she kissed her camera. “No more two percent raises for us, baby!”

MW: I still can't believe she actually kissed that thing.

“Hey, that’s great.” Kermit told Lori.

“Yeah, and speaking of comics, did you know that…” But before I could’ve completed the question, she looked over my left shoulder and noticed “The Man” nearby with Gonzo and Fozzie, getting a thousand times more excited than the two of them.

“Oh! Stan! Stan! What’s up, man?!” shouted Lori, as she walked past me and joined up with Fozzie and Gonzo, as they all met “Stan Lee.”

“Did you even have the heart to tell her that it might’ve not been him?” Kermit inquired.

“I didn’t even have the heart to tell her that the lens cap kept her from getting those photos of the board directors.” I stated.

“Well, I guess the only comic book for those types of pictures would be the ‘Black Avenger’.” commented Kermit, just before he glanced over at Peter, who had stopped taking photos for some reason. “I just thank goodness that we have Peter Parker to back us up.”

MW: I should've had you mention "The Black Panther".

Kermit: Isn't this story racey enough?

MW: Funny.

“Yeah.” I said, as I took a brief moment to stare at Peter, who was staring up at the two people he personally knew on the balcony. It turned out that they were a couple of friends of his from high school named Harry Osborn (son of Norman Osborn, the chairman of OsCorp that was soon to be fired from his position) and Mary Jane Watson (a gorgeous young redhead that both Peter and Harry seem to desire deeply). I could tell by the sad look on Peter’s face and the way Harry and Mary Jane were sharing a lovely moment that there was definitely a love triangle happening.

Kim: Awwww. Ron used to make that same look when I was dating Josh Mankey and Eric.

Ron: Oh, you just HAD to bring that up!!

Kim: At least I found out that one of them was a henchmen of Drakken's.

Ron: And I still think Mankey's a monkey in disguise! Note the name, Kim!

Kim: Now who's bringing up old stuff?

But love was the least thing on everyone’s minds, when some kind of unknown flying figure appeared in the distance. The crowd stopped their activities, the band halted their performance, and everyone else immediately quit what they were doing, just to watch the soaring figure that was leaving a trail of black and gray smoke behind, as it was beginning to come towards us.

MW: Uh-oh.

Kermit: Here he comes.

Bloo: YES! Now we're getting somewhere!!!

“What the heck is that?” Kermit asked.

“It must be a new addition.” I assumed, while the figure had gotten closer and closer to us, until we watched him fly high over our heads. It was then that Kermit and I got a good, long look at the figure and realized that it was some sort of mechanical glider, carrying what appeared to someone dressed in a metallic green suit with a goblin mask to match.

Eduardo: Senor Goblin! AAHHH!! *covers eyes*

Wilt: Relax, Ed. It's just a story.

Bloo: Thanks, Wilt. Now you just ruined the illusion for us.

Wilt: Oops. Sorry.

“Looks like I’m not the only one in green at this festival.” uttered Kermit, and we watched as the “Green Goblin” went around a large building for another pass. It passed several of the enormous parade balloons, before it finally got near its primary target: the balcony of the Empire Grand. Suddenly, the Green Goblin unleashed a small, round, orange-colored object that exploded underneath the balcony and caused the entire structure to shake violently, knocking the people on it off their feet. One section of the balcony was beginning to crumble away, with the young Mary Jane still on it.

Mac: Wow! This is some exciting stuff!

Kermit:*looking at Mac* What rating is this fanfic again?

MW: Same as the movie. PG-13.

Kermit: And how old is Mac again?

Everyone down on ground level began to panic, as several bits of large and small debris showered down on us. Kermit and I ran over to Gonzo, Fozzie, and Lori, as we all ducked from the large pieces of stone that were coming down on us. While we were desperately trying to keep ourselves alive, I looked up at the people on the damaged balcony that were doing the same; it was only a matter of seconds before that one crumbling section of the balcony would gave way, taking poor Mary Jane with it.

Ron: Uh-oh! D.I.D.!

Mac: D.I.D.?

Ron: Damsel In Distress.

Kim: I hate stereotypes.

I looked around to see where Peter Parker was, only to discover that he was nowhere in plain sight; wherever he was at that moment in time, he was either alive or dead…and I hoped that he was still alive.

Bloo: The geek chickened out!

Mac: BLOO!!

Bloo: What? You read what he did!

Meanwhile, the Green Goblin had again flown over to the damaged balcony and unleashed another small, round device that landed in front of the board directors. I watched in horror as the device exploded in a brilliant flash of green light, and the bodies of the board directors were singed into skeletons and ashes in a matter of seconds. After their death occurred, the Goblin then hovered near Mary Jane, and I only dreaded to think what he’d do to her. And that’s when…

Cast: SPIDER-MAN!!!!!

Kermit: It's amazing how people are so attracted to violence nowadays.

“Look! It’s Spider-Man!” A woman exclaimed, and we all turned our heads to the direction that she was pointing in to see Spider-Man swing out of nowhere and kick the Goblin right off his glider, sending him falling right into a nearby tent. Gonzo and Lori started taking several photos, as many exciting moments began to unfold right in front of us.

TO BE CONTINUED...​

Bloo: No! NO!!! NOT NOW!!! PLEASE!!! NOT NOW!!!!

MW: Bloo, relax. It'll only take a few minutes before we get on to commentating the next part.

Bloo: BUT THAT'LL TAKE FOREVER!!!

Mac: Pay no mind of his impatience. He has no concept of time. The thought of it confuses him.

MW: He should try reading ReneeLouvier's time-traveling story.

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Three (Part Two):​

Bloo: Good! Now we can get back to the good stuff!

The eyes of everyone in the crowd switched from Goblin’s crash-landing over the tent to his glider, which was whirling around uncontrollably through the air. It went through a large, helium-inflated balloon of a globe, putting large holes in both sides of it and releasing massive amounts of helium from it. The gigantic, deflating balloon started falling towards the deserted stage that the band was playing on and causing everything to collapse. An innocent little boy was standing near the collapsing stage at the time, and he stood there and watched it come towards him, seemingly stunned.

Bloo: Seemingly stunned? Yeah, right. Bet ya he had a death wish.

Mac: Bloo, that is just plain ridiculous. Why would a kid have a death wish?

Bloo: Maybe because he couldn't think of anything else to wish for on his next birthday.

Fozzie: Ahhh! Good one!

“Somebody get that kid out of the way, before he gets killed!” A man shouted, and I’m surprised that no one had the guts enough to do it, including me! Just when it seemed as if the little boy was about to be crushed by the falling structure of the stage, Spider-Man had suddenly appeared and carried the boy away in time, saving his precious life. He dashed over to the boy’s mother and reunited them, all while there was some commotion that was happening behind me.

Frankie: Wow. That Spidey sure is something else.

Bloo: Frankie & Spidey kissing in a tree. S-I-T-T-I-N-G....

MW: Shouldn't that be sitting and then kissing?

Bloo: Sure, if ya wanna do it the HARD way.

MW: And I thought Gonzo was the only weird blue character in this bunch.

“Hey, you! Don’t move!” Someone ordered, and I turned my head to see at least five police officers surrounding the Green Goblin, who had emerged from the destroyed tent, with no sign of injures on him. As he moved towards the officers, the Goblin put his hands up in the air and taunted them.

“I surrender!” He exclaimed, right before he unleashed some of the most devastating moves I have ever seen a human being display. However, it was a question as to whether this Goblin character was human or not. After seeing how dangerous he was, I turned to my friends and urged them to take immediate cover; but I knew it was too late, when the Goblin noticed the bulbs that were flashing in his face. “Did I forget to mention that I’m ‘camera shy’?” Then the Goblin started advancing towards us in a threatening manner, which scared the five of us very much.

Kermit: That Goblin sure does make you wish Nick Holiday was back in town.

MW: Holiday's an apple compared to that pineapple.

Gonzo: What does fruit have to do with this?

MW: You guys aren't big on metaphors, are ya?

“Oh, no!” cried Fozzie, and though the guy was ten times stronger than me, I was willing to try and take him down for the sake of my sister and my three buddies. But I was spared the trouble, once Spider-Man had shown up in front of us.

Kim: You? Take on the Green Goblin? You were better off wetting your pants.

MW: Heck, I almost did for a second. Once you look into the Goblin's eyes, it's almost like staring into death.

Mac: I wonder what it's like when you stare into Spider-Man's eyes.

Frankie: Heaven.

Bloo: Yeeeeeah. Someone get this girl a hankie, 'cause she's drooling all over the frog.

Kermit: Yuck!

“How ‘bout picking on someone your own species?” said Spidey, and he attempted to throw a punch at the Goblin, but the green terror countered his attack by catching his right fist.

“You lose!!” bellowed the Goblin, just before he kicked Spider-Man square in the chest and sent him flying across the air, crashing through a banquet table, a tower of fragile, wine-filled glasses, and finally, the post of a streetlight that broke apart and crashed near an innocent bystander.

Kim: Ouch! Hope that was a stunt extra.

MW: Actually, he took off for the day. That was just a fellow who was willing to get hit by a streetlight for $20.

Gonzo: I could've done it for no charge.

MW: Nah. I needed you for the next taxicab stunt.

“Whoa! That was some kick!” exclaimed Gonzo, truly impressed with the Green Goblin’s fighting skills, and Kermit was taken aback by his sense of loyalty.

“Gonzo! Whose side are you on?” He asked.

“I-I’m just saying that was an excellent move…that’s all.” said Gonzo, just as we heard a loud rocketing noise and turned to see the Goblin back on his vicious glider. He obviously heard what Gonzo had said about him, because he wouldn’t have said what he said next.

“Buddy, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!” yelled the Goblin, and he & his glider zoomed over our heads to pursue Spider-Man, who was running for dear life, as the Goblin’s glider fired a great amount of ammunition at him. Despite the fact that the Goblin was trying to kill Spider-Man, Gonzo was still amazed by his skills and artillery.

“Wow! I think we’ve actually found something bigger than Spider-Man here!” exclaimed Gonzo, and he took more photos of the green menace, as he fired a large rocket at Spider-Man.

MW: Goblin sure found a fan in you, Gonz.

Gonzo: Yeah. It's too bad he had to be a villain though. Could you imagine how many criminals he could strike fear into with his appearance and skills?

MW: That'd be some reputation.

Gonzo: Better than Dr. Doom's!

Luckily, Spidey zipped himself away before the rocket exploded near him; that made Kermit and Fozzie cheer for him excitedly.

“Yeah! Atta boy, Spider-Man!” Kermit shouted.

“Go get ‘em!” yelled Fozzie, as Spider-Man swung beneath another large balloon, with the Goblin still on his tail; but he was able to avoid him by looping himself backwards and landing right on top of the balloon. We were suddenly reminded of a more serious situation that was happening, when Mary Jane screamed in terror from the crumbling spot of the balcony that she was on.

Kermit: And, boy, could she ever scream! I almost went deaf for a week from her screaming.

MW: How could you hear her? You barely have any ears.

Kermit: The power of....

MW: Imagination. Yeah, I know.

Spider-Man jumped from one large balloon figure to another and another, until he was finally near the spot that Mary Jane was located. He attempted to jump over to her, until the Goblin suddenly appeared again and caught Spider-Man in midair, flying him over to large window and slamming both of their bodies against it, with several bits of shattered glass falling. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I knew that Spider-Man would never get to Mary Jane in time, so we all decided to immediately turn into helpful citizens, instead of photo-snapping journalist.

Kermit: Thanks again for giving us a heroic part in the scene, MW.

MW: No prob. We may not be superheroes, but we can still be heroes.

Ron: Wow. That was deep, man.

“Come on! Let’s get something to use as a net!” ordered Kermit, and we dashed over to one of the broken tables that still had the tablecloth over it, snatching the tablecloth and using it as a net to catch Mary Jane with. The five of us then grabbed certain corners and sides of the tablecloth and spread it far apart to make it tight enough to soften Mary Jane’s fall. However, we failed to notice a small tear in the fabric of the tablecloth that increased in size when we spread it apart; it eventually shredded in half, leaving the five of us falling to the ground and watching the ripped tablecloth helplessly.

Bloo: Some heroes! You can't even keep a tablecloth straight!

Mac: Third story, Bloo.

Bloo: Oh, yeah. Ahem! I mean...Nice try. It's the thought of helping that counts.

“Oh, no!” said Fozzie, miserably. “What do we do now?”

“Pray that Spider-Man will get to the girl in time.” said Kermit, and we looked up as Spider-Man was knocked off of the Goblin’s glider and landed on the more stabled side of the balcony. He noticed Mary Jane hanging on for her life on the crumbling piece of the balcony that was seven feet away from where it was a few minutes ago. Meanwhile, the Goblin moved the front end of his glider (where the ammunition was shooting from) towards Spidey and attempted to kill him once more. Thankfully, Mary Jane warned the wall crawler about the Goblin’s attempt in time, and Spidey fired a glob of webbing from his wrist that blinded the green villain.

Kim: Oh! Nice move!

Ron: I thought you said his webbing was nasty.

Kim: Yeah, but...that was a REALLY nice move.

Ron: I think she's beginning to see the light, people.

With the Green Goblin blinded, Spider-Man sprung to his feet and punched his right fist into the underbelly of the Goblin’s glider, ripping out some of the wiring that controlled its functions. That bright move caused the Goblin to loose control of his glider, as he whirled uncontrollably away from the wrecked balcony and gave one last comment to Spider-Man.

“We’ll meet again!” He vowed, and (personally) that had to be the corniest line a villain could use on a protagonist.

Kim: Ah. The infamous "We'll Meet Again..." line. Can't tell ya how many times I've heard that one.

Ron: Thank goodness Drakken never said anything like that.

Kim: Yeah. All he said was...*in Drakken's voice*..."You think you're all that, Kim Possible! But you're not" *laughs*

Right after the Goblin disappeared from the scene, Spider-Man turned his focus back on Mary Jane, who had suddenly fallen from the crumbling section of the balcony. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Lori, and I watched in terror, as Mary Jane’s body was falling down the side of the building and towards us at an extremely rapid speed, making it impossible for anyone to catch her by hand. But thank goodness there was someone as amazing as Spider-Man, who dived after her and caught her just in time to zip a line from his wrist that connected underneath the wrecked balcony and slowed down their fall.

Cast: YAY, SPIDER-MAN!!!!

The feet of Spider-Man and Mary Jane were only a few inches from the ground, just before they were bounced back high into the air by the strong web strand, giving Spidey the opportunity to fire another web strand from his wrist and swing away from the scene, while clutching Mary Jane close to him. All of the spectators, including us, cheered and applauded with a great sense of security, as the Amazing Spider-Man once again saved the day.

Cast:*cheers and applauds*

“You know? I don’t care what Mr. Jameson thinks about Spider-Man!” Kermit exclaimed. “He is the best superhero that we’ve ever had in this city!”

“He’s the only superhero we’ve ever had in this city.” indicated Gonzo, and I was pleased to know that so many thought of Spider-Man as a truthful, heroic figure. However, I was distraught to know that there were some that thought oppositely, like the police officers that were pounded by the Goblin, saying things like “Spider-Man’s timing is as slow as a snail!” or “Where was he when we were getting our butts kicked?”

Frankie: There's irony for ya. The police complain about someone being late.

It isn’t like Spider-Man can save everyone at exactly the same time, like some other heroes; even if he can do things like no human being can, he’s still as human as all of us. Listening to those kinds of silly complaints reminded me of ridiculous guys like J. Jonah Jameson, who couldn’t see the big picture.

“Aw, man!” shouted Lori, with a stunned tone in her voice, and when I faced her to see what was wrong, I noticed how she was holding the lens cap from her camera. “I can’t believe the whole time I was taking photos of the inside of this thing!” I didn’t dare to bust out in laughter at her, because I knew how much those photos matter to our assignment; but it was hilarious that she didn’t even once think about it.

“Have no fear!” Gonzo told Lori. “For I have the best photographs of both Spider-Man and that ‘Green Goblin’ in this little camera of mine!”

Gonzo: And the weirdo saved the day, after the first one did.

“Alright, Gonzo!” exclaimed Fozzie, and he gave Gonzo a hard pat on the back, which forced him to drop his camera. When Gonzo’s camera shattered on the ground and spilled all of the valuable film out of it, we all felt very distressed that those “great photos” that Gonzo had of the whole battle between Spider-Man and the Green Goblin were lost.

Fozzie: Until the bear comes along and ruins it.

Cast: Awwwww.

“Uh-oh.” uttered Fozzie, and before any of us could’ve panicked, Kermit reminded us of something that made us feel assured.

“Er, t-this is not a problem, gang.” He said. “Peter was with us during the whole thing, and I’m sure that he has all of the photos we need to give to Jonah for the story.” It was a good thing that Kermit reminded us of that, because we were all tremendously worried there for a minute. That’s until Gonzo gazed around at the aftermath of the chaos and realized that Peter was nowhere around.

“Hey…where is Peter anyway?” asked Gonzo, and we all looked around for any sign of the young amateur photographer, but he had completely vanished from Times Square.

Kim: That Peter Parker's one mysterious geek. He chickens out as soon as the Green Goblin arrives and then leaves you guys without a picture. What a jerk!

MW: Kim...you'll change your views of him before this story is done.

Kim: Come again?

“That’s a good question, Gonzo.” I said, and I could not believe that I had gone from being suspicious of Spider-Man to becoming suspicious of Parker, all because he exited the scene as soon as something went wrong. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but there was something unusual about Peter Parker.

END OF CHAPTER THREE​

Bloo: Now THAT was an awesome chapter! LOADS of action in that one!

Kim: Okay. So you sit there and tell me that I'm gonna be changing my views, yet in that last paragraph, you say the exact same thing I did. Which is it, Mr. Muppet Writer? Are you suspicious of Peter Parker or aren't you?

MW: Oh, boy. Ya gotta love critics, man.

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Four:​

Wilt: The fourth chapter. Wow! I'm already excited to see what happens in this one.

Bloo: Hope it's as good as the last one.

I don’t know if it was luck or faith, but a little twist of something practically saved our jobs that day after the Spidey/Goblin fiasco. Out of all the photos from Gonzo’s camera that ended up being ruined, only one of Spider-Man falling from the Green Goblin’s glider was spared and put on the front page of the Daily Bugle’s next issue.

Ron: You got a picture of him just falling? How's that gonna catch anyone attention?

Gonzo: Hey, at least it was a picture of Spider-Man. That's better than nothing at all.

And though Jonah was pleased that we were able to bring him one photo for the paper, he was still in absolute denial, believing Spider-Man and the Goblin put on a show to hide the fact that they were part of the same team.

Frankie: Oh, now that's just plain stupid!

Kermit: Hey, if you're going to work for J. Jonah Jameson, you got to learn how the way HE works.

Peter Parker had shown up to work on the day that the next issue of the Daily Bugle was published, but we didn’t get the opportunity to ask him where he had wandered off to while hundreds of people were rioting in the streets. Who kept us from asking was Jonah, as we spent useless minutes trying to convince him that Spider-Man wasn’t terrorizing the city, but in fact saving it from the Green Goblin. Inevitably, Jonah contradicted our comments and told us to leave his office and get some better photos of Spider-Man and the Green Goblin (he was actually the first person to come up with that name, putting in the Bugle’s next issue).

Fozzie: Mr. Jameson came up with a lot of great names for some of the madmen that we encountered, like The Shocker, Rhino, Electro....

Gonzo: Are you sure you're not confusing him with Stan Lee again, Fozzie?

Fozzie: I dunno. I lost track after the third madman.

When we were on our way out of his office, something (or someone) had violently crashed through the large, wide window in his office, knocking both Jonah and his desk to the floor.

Bloo: YES! MORE ACTION! MORE ACTION!!!!

MW: Is he on some sugar rush right now?

Mac: No. He just loves violence. Believe me, I've seen someone on a sugar rush and it's worse than this.

All of the staff, including us, turned to see what had busted into Jonah’s office, and once we realized that it was the dreaded Green Goblin, some of us (predominantly Fozzie and Gonzo) ducked for cover. The Goblin flew into Jonah’s demolished office on his glider and snatched our “fearless” leader by the neck, complaining about how Jonah desecrated his reputation in the paper and demanding to know who took the pictures of Spider-Man.

Frankie: See where that pigheadedness will get ya!

MW: Seems like Jonah's own confidence in his reporting was what almost got him killed. It blinded him from the outcome that he'd soon face.

Gonzo: Wow. You sounded like Wes Studi when you said that.

MW: Really? I was actually going for Master Splinter.

For a moment, I was afraid that Jonah would give in and tell the Goblin that Gonzo or Peter (who had again disappeared, as soon as the Goblin appeared) were responsible for the Spider-Man photos.

Kim: He left again?! He's really making a habit out of that, man!

Frankie: Well, can you blame him, with a boss like J. Jonah Jameson?

But the man surprised me when he lied to the Goblin and told him that he didn’t know who took the photos. And just when it seemed as if Jameson’s life was about to be put to an abrupt end, Spider-Man had appeared at the scene, dangling upside down from a web strand behind the Goblin. Sparing Jonah’s life and letting him go, the Goblin directed his attention to Spider-Man and acted as if he was expecting him to arrive.

“Spider-Man! I knew you two were in this together!” snapped Jameson, and by the time he could’ve said another word, Spidey fired a glob of webbing at his mouth, forcing Jonah to keep it shut.

“Time out, Junior! Let the grownups talk for a minute!” said Spider-Man, and when he focused on Goblin, he suddenly found an excessive amount of sleeping gas sprayed into his face.

Kermit: Oh, no! It was hit by the gas!

Kim: Typical supervillain move.

The gas made Spidey lose his grip on his own web strand and fall fifty feet towards the ground; however, it was the Green Goblin himself who swooped down and caught Spidey, before he could’ve splattered across the pavement. With Kermit, Lori, Fozzie, and Gonzo standing near me, we looked out through the enormous hole that was made in Jonah’s office and saw the Goblin zooming towards East Manhattan, holding an unconscious Spider-Man in his arms.

Wilt: Man! The suspense! I wonder where he's taking him!

“I wonder where he’s taking him.” Lori said.

Wilt: Wow! Karma!

Bloo: Who cares where he's taking him? When are we gonna see another big fight?!

“Only one way to find out.” said Gonzo, just before he did something that neither Kermit, Fozzie, Lori, or me expected him to do. Gonzo dived out of Jonah’s office and fell towards the street corner far below; as a yellow taxicab stopped at a red light, Gonzo had landed directly on the hood of the cab and shouted to the driver, “Follow that goblin!” Pointing towards the sky at the Green Goblin’s glider, which was still noticeable from the ground.

Cast: WHOA!!!!!

Bloo: AWESOME!!!

Kermit: I think you really took a chance with that one, Gonzo.

Gonzo: When it comes to being a daredevil, there are no chances.

The taxi driver must’ve been happy to gratify Gonzo’s request, because he immediately turned his car around and went into the same direction that the Goblin was heading in, with Gonzo still on his hood. The rest of us still could not believe that he went to that extreme, just to get a cab.

“Lori, I think you should get that Porsche back as soon as possible.” Kermit said.

“Before Gonzo ends up hurting himself?” Lori asked.

“No, before we end up paying for the cab company’s damages.” replied Kermit, while Jameson had finally gotten all of the webbing off his mouth and shouted with great frustration.

“That’s it! That’s the proof we need!!!” He bellowed.

“For what?” Fozzie asked him.

“For the truth that Spider-Man and the Green Goblin are working as a team!” Jonah exclaimed. “You all saw how they busted through my office like that! They almost killed me!”

Frankie: They?! *scoffs* This guy doesn't have a clue.

MW: Can't wait to see how you handle his pigheadedness in the third story.

“But it was only the Goblin that broke-in.” Lori stated.

“The punk forced his partner to do the stunt for him, because he had those high-tech gadgets!” Jonah contradicted. “Open your eyes, people! Spider-Man’s not a hero; he’s a menace!” As Jonah spoke, Mr. Hoffman (Jameson’s naïve assistant) came into the room and listen to what his boss was saying. “Over tons of my employees, including you guys, saw the both of them in this room together and abusing me! Spider-Man even shot one of his…his…”

“Uh, webs, Mr. Jameson?” said Hoffman, and Jonah gave him an annoyed look.

“Whatever.” He said, before he continued trying to convince Kermit, Fozzie, Lori, and me. “Tomorrow, there will be a new headline: ‘WANTED! CITIZENS CALL FOR WALL-CRAWLER’S ARREST’!”

Cast: OH, COME ON!!!

“They are?” uttered Fozzie, taking Jonah’s words literally, and he picked up the phone to listen for the “person” on the other line. “Hello? Are you calling for the arrest of Spider-Man?” Jonah rolled his eyes, asking himself in his mind, “What was I thinkin’ when I hired these people?”

Kermit: What did that person say, Fozzie?

Fozzie: I'd rather not say. It might've given this story a rating worse than PG-13.

“Mr. Jameson, you can’t do that.” Kermit said.

“Why not? Not only will it exploit that web-head for the criminal he is, it could put millions in the Bugle’s budget.” said Jonah, and hearing that got Fozzie’s attention, as he moved the phone away from his ear and looked at Jonah.

“Millions?!” He exclaimed, turning to Kermit. “Oh, Kermit! We might finally get the big raise that we always wanted!”

“Fozzie, everyone here will go home happy with a big paycheck,” I said, “But Spider-Man will be known as public enemy number one!”

“Was so bad about becoming a rapper?” asked Fozzie, and at first, I didn’t quite get what he meant by that…and I still don’t. But, hey, what can ya say? It’s Fozzie!

MW: I did finally get it though.

Fozzie: What about everyone else?

MW: Guys?

Cast: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH, BBBBBBOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

Fozzie: Now I don't get it.

“No!” shouted Lori, demandingly, and she stared coldly into J. Jonah Jameson’s eyes. “Sir, you’re not gonna print that story into tomorrow’s issue of the Bugle!” Kermit, Fozzie, and I were taken aback by the controlling attitude that my sister suddenly gained; of course, Jonah didn’t let it scare him.

Kermit: Pay close attention, Frankie. This is what NOT to do.

Kim: We should take notes, too, Ron. We'll be working for the Bugle as well.

Ron: That would sound so awesome, if J.J. wasn't so scary.

“And who’s gonna stop me, Lori? You?!” Jonah asked. “You know I could fire your hide, just for threatening me like that!”

“That’s not a threat, Mr. Jameson,” Lori said, “It’s a promise!”

“A promise?” said Jonah, a little puzzled.

“Yeah! A promise!” Lori told him. “I promise you that I will find evidence that Spider-Man is a great hero and not the phony that you think he is!” Jonah just chuckled at the “promise” that Lori made for him, thinking that the woman must be insane.

“You won’t be able to keep that ‘promise’, because in the next second…you won’t even have a job.” remarked Jonah, and I knew exactly what he meant by that, even before he stopped laughing and said straight to her face, “Miss Thomas, get your stuff together…YOU’RE FIRED!!!!!”

Kim: Ron? Has Rufus caused another "accident" in your pocket again?

Ron: No, KP....that was me.

Kim: Ohhhhhh.

It was almost as if a lightning bolt had struck Kermit, Fozzie, and me, because we never thought we would see the day when J. Jonah Jameson fired my sister, Lori Thomas. However, I had always suspected that Lori’s own competitiveness would get her into trouble one day. As soon as I saw her step up to Jonah like she did, I knew that it wasn’t about proving Spider-Man was innocent anymore; it was some kind of contest to see who got the better story, and there was no chance of Lori winning.

Kim: Poor girl. I know how it is to be competitive.

Fozzie: You do?

Ron: Oh, believe her when she says that she does. Just ask her twin brothers.

Kim: Hey! I was helping those tweebs, Ron!

Ron: And scaring them at the same time.

Without saying another word, she walked away from Jonah and made her way out of his office, passing by a truly surprised Hoffman. Immediately, Kermit, Fozzie, and I dashed out of the office and chased after Lori, who didn’t even bother gathering her desk belongings and instead went straight to the elevator. While she was waiting for it to open, we tried to talk her out of leaving without her job.

“You can’t go, sis!” I said. “You’ve been here for too long just to let Jameson fire you like that.”

“He’s right, Lori.” Kermit said. “You’ve gotta think about how the city of New York’s gonna react, when they see that headline on tomorrow’s paper.” Lori gave us a sympathetic look, not showing any signs of crying whatsoever; that’s how tough my sister is!

Frankie: Right on!

Kim: Tough girls rock!

Bloo:*raspberries* Says who? *Kim and Frankie give him a dirty look* There's too much intution happenin' today, fellas. If we're not careful, they'll take over the world soon. They're like aliens, women.

Madame Foster: Oh, yeah? Well, here's a close encounter for ya! *hits Bloo with her purse*

Bloo: OUCH!!!!

“Look, guys, I’m not gonna be canned permanently.” Lori assured. “Once I find the perfect evidence to show that Spider-Man isn’t a criminal, Jameson will just be begging me to come back to work for him.”

“How certain are you about that?” I asked, and she gave me a look that told me right off that she wasn’t. It was then that I knew she was just bluffing Jameson, and she had no idea where she was going to find the proof. “You’re getting yourself into hot water here, Lori.” She knew that I was on to her and seemed really distressed by that, looking down towards the floor and feeling sheepish. “You’re not the only person who thinks Jameson is an idiot.”

“That’s right.” Kermit told Lori. “Heck, I’ll be here all day, if I told you half the things that the staff have said about Jameson, as well as about each other.” Hearing that made Fozzie a little paranoid of the staff members’ thoughts.

“D-Do they say anything about my jokes?” He asked Kermit, who just stared at him for a moment and spoke to Lori again.

“All day long! I’m tellin’ ya!” said Kermit, leaving Fozzie still feeling paranoid.

Fozzie: Those staff members have ice running through their veins! They're no better than Statler and Waldorf!

Kermit: Fozzie, they don't think your jokes are bad.

Fozzie: Then how come neither of them laughed at them.

Kermit: 'Cause they're too busy to laugh.

Fozzie: Oh, come on. You can never be too busy to laugh.

“Listen, I know it’s a long shot, but I will find a way to show New York that Spider-Man is saving this city…even if means getting closer to the action.” said Lori, and by the time I could have asked what she meant, the elevator opened up and Lori stepped into it. The doors closed and Lori was gone from that section of the building, leaving Kermit, Fozzie, and me wondering what kind of measures would she go to get the evidence.

“You don’t suppose she’d get close to fight alongside Spider-Man, do ya?” asked Fozzie, and Kermit & I looked to each other, both of us wishing that we could give Fozzie a reasonable answer. All of the sudden, the elevator doors opened again and Lori stuck her head out from it; she came back to mention one more thing to us.

“Oh, by the way, in case you all are wondering if I’m gonna do something totally insane, I’ll be at the Happiness Hotel.” said Lori, and she stuck her head back in the elevator, just before it closed and then took her down to the first floor. Despite the fact that she assured us that she wasn’t going to do anything yet, we still couldn’t help but to feel a little insecure about the whole thing.

Bloo: Whoa! I didn't know she was psychic!

Mac: That's irony, Bloo.

Wilt: Or karma.

Bloo: There go those words again: "irony" and "karma". What does ironing and the stuff you find over candy apples have anything to do with being a psychic?

MW: Whooo, boy!

Later that evening, when our shift was done, Kermit, Fozzie, and I went back to our wild, raggedy home at the Happiness Hotel, where our fellow roommates were getting into the spirit of Thanksgiving (which was the following day). The only four people that weren’t in the spirit of things were Kermit, Fozzie, Lori, and me, after the quarrel that took place in the Daily Bugle headquarters. We had yet to see Gonzo arrive back at the Hotel and wondered if he pursuing the story in a drastic way.

Gonzo: I can't begin to tell you guys how fun it was riding around on the hood of that taxicab. You really ought to try it sometime.

MW: I think I'll pass, thank you.

Since Lori came to the Happiness Hotel that evening, she had been locked up in her room for countless hours, with a worn-out “Do Not Disturb” sign hanging over the doorknob; it was evident that she was spending her time in there to ponder over how she was going to prove Spider-Man’s innocence.

Frankie: Another ironic thing (and I'm NOT talking about ironing)....a "Do Not Disturb" sign in a disturbing place like the Happiness Hotel.

While she was doing that, I was in a room that belonged to Kermit and was located four floors above Lori’s; it was where we talked about getting Lori’s job back.

“We have to convince Mr. Jameson that Lori is on his side.” suggested Kermit, and Fozzie was a little confused.

“But I thought she was against him for trying to exploit Spider-Man as a crook.” said Fozzie, and I figured he was going to say that.

“She is, Fozzie.” I said. “We just have to play some ‘Mind Games’ with Jonah to get him to bring her back.” And I knew that Fozzie still wasn’t catching on, just the way he was staring at me with his mouth shut and not moving an inch. So, I just came out and simply said, “We’re gonna come up with one huge lie.” And he finally caught our drift, seeming really surprised and happy.

Fozzie: How do you play "Mind Games"? Is it anything like "WarGames"?

MW: Wocka, Wocka.

Fozzie: Okay. Just for the record, when someone says that, there's SUPPOSED to be a joke involved.

“Aaah! Clever!” He exclaimed. “Honestly, you guys are such masterminds that maybe the two of you should be super villains!” Kermit and I couldn’t believe how much of a big deal Fozzie was making out of this little plan of ours.

“Fozzie, it’s not like we’re breaking into Fort Knox here.” stated Kermit, and Fozzie raised his paws up in protest.

“Hey, hey! Let’s take these things one step at a time now.” said Fozzie, and Kermit & I were just about exhausted with Fozzie, though we knew that he’d known better.

Kermit: I can't believe you'd actually think we would do something like that.

Fozzie: Hey, I know you wouldn't, Kermit. But after reading that rumor about Sean being the number one villain in the third story....

MW: I'll say it for the LAST time....

Cast: It's JUST a story, people!

Kermit: Boy, do I love running gags.

Our meeting was interrupted for a moment, as there was hard, rapid knocking at the door; when I walked over to open it, we were more than surprised to find Gonzo standing at the doorway. Before Kermit, Fozzie, or I could ask him a question, Gonzo busted out with an extraordinary surge of excitement, running into the room and jumping up on Kermit’s bed, where he sat and gave us the 411 on Spider-Man and the Green Goblin.

“I was hiding in a nearby pigeon coop as they were talking on the rooftop of a building a couple of blocks from this one.” Gonzo said. “It turns out we were right about Spider-Man the whole time. The Goblin was so impressed by Spidey’s skills that he offered him a chance to join forces, just so he could have someone to terrorize the city with.”

“And Spider-Man declined?” I inquired.

“You bet he did.” replied Gonzo, and I couldn’t have been happier to hear that news.

“This is just the proof we need to convince Jonah!” I exclaimed, but I may’ve been counting my chickens before they’ve hatched (no pun intended towards Gonzo, of course), because then he said…

Gonzo: Hey, good one.

MW: Thanks.

“The only problem is that I didn’t have a camera to capture any photos of the two.” indicated Gonzo, and I remembered that his camera was shattered on the day before at the World Unity Festival.

“Oh, yeah…I forgot.” said Fozzie, sadly.

“And unless we had taped the whole conversation with a recorder, there’s no way to prove that Spider-Man turned down the Goblin’s offer.” said Kermit, and that’s when we found ourselves helpless in a tight situation. However, there still was the master plan that Lori was cooking up; but I continued to fear that she would get herself in a situation that not even Spider-Man will be able to get her out of.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR​

Wilt: Wow! You really built up a lot of suspense in that last part, MW!

MW: Thanks, Wilt.

Mac: And you really kept up well with the dialogue.

MW: Thanks, Mac.

Kim: And you really showed us how strong the Lori character was, too.

MW: Thanks, Kim.

Bloo: But there's STILL not enough action.

MW: Shut up, Bloo.