The Life Of A Frig

[Wiseman]

Kermit's Dream Part I

Chapter 14 A Strange Dream​

Setting: Kermit’s Dream: Kermit and Piggy are living in the year 60,000,003 B.C. Kermit and Piggy are dinosaur parents to not one, but three dinosaur children. Two teenagers: one boy and one girl, and a baby somewhere between the ages of 1 and 2. The children’s names are Robbie, Charlene and Baby. Kermit has just come home from his job as a tree pusher for the Wesayso Corporation. Also living with the family is a very old dinosaur named Ethyl, who is apparently Piggy’s mother.

“Hi honey I’m home,” said Kermit.

“Oh good,” said Piggy, “Kermit, I have some news to tell you.”

“What’s up?” said Kermit.

“I’m going out with Monica tonight. You are in charge of dinner for the three children. As you know, Mother is here to help you should you need it.”

“But Piggy, this is the third time this month that you’ve gone out with Monica.” protested Kermit.

“That reminds me, I also have to tell you that from now on Monica and I will be going out every Wednesday night.” said Piggy.

“Every Wednesday night?” repeated Kermit incredulously.
“Every Wednesday night.” said Piggy. “We don’t have time to discuss it, I’m late as it is.”

“But Piggy, I had plans to bowling tonight with Fozzie,” said Kermit.

“So cancel them.” said Piggy.

“But Piggy,” began Kermit.

“Kermit, you know Monica has just decided that since her former husband has found another woman, it is time for her to find another man. She needs me for moral support at this crucial time in her life.” said Piggy.

“Piggy, you know, Monica will never find a man good enough for her. She sets her standards too high, besides she’s a four-legger and a herbivore. If she weren’t so big, she’d be in our refrigerator.” said Kermit.

“Cancel them,” insisted Piggy.

“But, Piggy, you know I can’t cook,” said Kermit.

“I already took care of that, dinner is in the oven, just turn it on to 350,000,000 degrees for one hour. It should be easy to handle.” said Piggy.

“But Piggy,” said Kermit.

“Cancel your plans, or I move my date with Monica to Thursday night,” said Piggy.

“But Piggy, if you do that, when would we —” started Kermit.

“We wouldn’t,” said Piggy.

“Okay, I get the message,” said Kermit, realizing Piggy had him up against a wall.”

“Good then it’s all settled, bye,” said Piggy and left.

“So Earl, when’s dinner, the kids and I are starving,” said Ethyl as soon as Piggy left.

“In a minute, first I have to call Fozzie and cancel tonight,” said Kermit. He picked up the phone and dialed.

“So that’s it,” said Kermit after explaining the details to Fozzie.

“Hey, I have an idea,” said Fozzie, “take the kids and Ethyl bowling.”

“But Earl, you know Ethyl can’t bowl,” said Kermit.

“She can be your cheerleader,” said Fozzie.’

“You know, it just might work,” said Kermit, he hung up the phone.

“Now, let’s see about dinner,” said Kermit, “I’m a capable male, I should be able to handle this.”

“Good thing, I have Dodino’s on speed dial,” said Ethyl.

“Let’s see, Piggy said 350,000,000 degrees for one hour, but that would make us all late for bowling, so what if I double the temperature to 700,000,000 degrees, that should speed up the cooking time.” said Kermit as he set the oven.

Within about ten minutes a small mammal attached to the ceiling started screaming as smoke poured out of the oven. Kermit’s idea about speeding up dinner’s cooking time has predictably gone awry.

“Great, I burned dinner,” said Kermit opening up the oven to reveal a blackened and barrely alive collection of small mammals.

“Burned, it’s a wonder we weren’t cremated.” said the dinner.

“Keep quiet,” said Kermit. “You’re still gonna get eaten, just not by us. Ethyl, call Dodino’s. Robbie, take this out back and feed it to the monster that used to live under Baby’s bed. Charlene, clean the oven so Piggy won‘t suspect a thing.”

Moments later, Dodino’s arrived with the pizza.

 

[RedPiggy]

...

...

That was HILARIOUS! Do you know how happy having a Muppet parody of Dinosaurs would make me? ECSTATIC, that's how!

I agree with Kermit/Earl though ... Monica keeps making excuses for not finding a male. Not that I have found one either ... but at least I admit WHY I don't go looking. I just don't feel like it. If she wants to remain single, why not just, ahem, "say so"?

Still, the use of Fozzie as Roy makes me wonder ... who Monica would be ...

 

[Muppetfan44]

very clever cameo dream with the Dinosaurs; definitely unique!

Can't wait to see what happens next!

 

[Wiseman]

Ty

TY Actually, I have Monica as herself. Also I picture Kermit's voice coming out of Earl's body, Fozzie's voice coming out Roy's body and Piggy's voice coming out of Fran's body.
BTW if you think this is funny, just wait till you see what happens at the bowling alley.

 

[The Count]

You know... I can see Hilda's voice coming out of Ethyl, Scooter for Robbie, Skeeter for Charlene, and Kevin Clash's Elmo/Baby Sinclaire as the new baby frig. Hmm... Please keep posting.

 

[Wiseman]

TY Count

Thanks Count and now begin counting the number of pins knocked down by Kermit, Fozzie Ethyl and the kids at the bowling alley.

Chapter 15 The Dream Continues​

Setting: Still in Kermit’s Dream: Kermit, Ethyl, Fozzie and the kids are at the bowling alley. But just as with dinner, things are not going quite according to plan.

“So Robbie, what’s the score?" asked Kermit as he picked up his ball.

“Well, let’s see, so far, Grandma has scored a turkey, Baby has scored two strikes and a spare, Fozzie and you have thrown three gutter balls each, Charlene has thrown two nines and one gutter ball, which she asked us not to count because she broke a nail, and I’ve scored a turkey also.” said Robbie.

“Great," said Kermit, throwing yet another gutter ball.

“Ha, ha, ha, Grandma and I are creaming Daddy," said Baby.

“Baby, it’s not nice to gloat over someone else’s misfortune.” said Ethyl. “Besides, insulting Kermit is my job. Hey, you fat tub of lard, you think you can pick up the spare this time?"

“I most certainly can, just watch me," he picked up the ball out of the ball return and rolled it down the lane, hitting 1 pin.

“Fozzie, you’re up.” he sighed.

Fozzie’s shot was pretty much identical to Kermit’s, except that he knocked down two pins with the second ball.

Six frames later, Ethyl and Baby had scored a perfect game, Robbie and Charlene were not far behind, and Kermit and Fozzie had a combined score of three. A rematch was suggested by Kermit, but Robbie pointed out that this would put them behind schedule and get them all caught by Mom. Kermit admitted that Robbie was right and they all headed out of the alley and made the trip home with Baby and Ethyl humiliating Kermit and Fozzie about their extremely low score.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Kermit and everybody else Piggy has arrived home early. A rather sleazy male at the singles bar that she took Monica to attempted to pick up both her and Monica at the same time for a double date with only one male. Adding of course to her disgust with the male gender, is the fact that Kermit is out and there’s evidence that dinner was burned and the kids had pizza, furthermore where is her mother. Piggy hoped that Kermit hadn’t accidentally buried her alive again. Into the middle of this mess walks Kermit and everyone else.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" shouted Piggy.

“I took your mother and the kids bowling.” said Kermit.

“Without telling me.” said Piggy.

“Give the guy a break, Piggy, we had fun and he and his friend got creamed.” said Ethyl.

“How badly?" asked Piggy.

“I’d rather not say," said Kermit.

“How badly?" repeated Piggy.

Robbie gave the score sheet to Piggy.

Piggy looked at the score sheet and started laughing uncontrollably. This laughter continues as Kermit wakes up.

 

[Wiseman]

Kermit is waking up.

Chapter 16 A Rude Awakening​

Setting: The hospital where Piggy is recovering after having had the baby: Kermit is waking up from his strange dream. He is about to find out, however, that his dream wasn’t quite so strange as he encounters two very familiar-looking hospital volunteers.

“Miss Piggy, I think your husband’s finally waking up,” said Robbie, looking at Kermit.

“Oh good,” said Piggy, when he does would you please inform him of what time it is and of the fact that I should have been discharged six hours ago.”

Kermit opened one eye and looked around the hospital room. At first he was somewhat relieved to find out that both he and Piggy were still in their own bodies, but then when he noticed the male and female hospital volunteer that were helping Piggy prepare herself and the baby for the trip home he started screaming.

“Charlene, would you please help me put this tank cover on little Sara’s tank so that she won’t fall out on the trip home.”

“Certainly, but how do you know the gender of the little guy when the hospital doesn’t,” said Charlene.

“Oh, a mother just knows these things,” said Piggy.

“Okay, but just in case, you’re wrong what is the male name that you have chosen?” said Charlene.

“Bruce,” said Piggy.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” screamed Kermit, flailing his arms around as he noticed who the two hospital volunteers were.

“Calm down, Mr. Frog,” said Robbie, “everything’s going to be okay.”

Kermit breathed in deep and looked at the room around him. “Uh excuse me,” he said to the hospital volunteer that was waking him up, but shouldn’t you be in school.”

“It’s 4:00 P.M. sir,” said Robbie.

“Four o’ clock,” said Kermit, “You mean I’ve been asleep seventeen hours.”

“Yes,” said Charlene.

“Alrighty, then,” he turned to his male volunteer. “Would your name happen to be Robbie Sinclair.”

“Yes, it would, how do you know?” said Robbie.

“And would your sister’s name happen to be Charlene?” said Kermit.

“Yes,” said Charlene, “and we also have a baby brother who is just called Baby.” said Charlene.

“Uh-huh,” said Kermit, still a little shocked at the fact that the hospital volunteers from the real world and his kids from the dream world are the exact same creatures. “Let’s just say that I met your father on the way here last night,”

“Okay, that explains the names, but was all the screaming about?” said Robbie.

“A rather unnerving nightmare,” said Kermit.

“Oh,” said Charlene.

“So Piggy, when will we be discharged,” said Kermit, looking carefully at the candy-stripe outfit wearing dinosaur helping her cover his child’s tank.

“We should have been discharged six hours ago,” said Piggy. “But you were asleep. As it stands now, as soon as I can get a doctor in here to announce that we are all well, the three of us can go home.”

“I see,” he turned to Charlene, “What is that that you are putting on Bruce’s tank.”

“It’s a tank cover, so that he won’t fall out on the way home.” said Charlene. “And your wife is convinced that it’s a girl and has named her Sara,”

“It’s a boy,” said Kermit.

“How do you know?” asked Robbie.

“Trust me, a father just knows these things,” said Kermit.

“Whatever,” said Charlene, “I’ll go to the nurse’s station and get a doctor in here.” With that she and Robbie left the room.

A few minutes later Dr. Strangepork came in and pronounced them good to go.

“Dr. Kira told me of your encounters with friends and relatives and how they helped you obtain the special formula.” said Dr. Strangepork.

“Yes, they were a lot of help,” said Kermit.

“By the way,” said Piggy, “Just what will this creature eat once she gets out of the tank.”

“That all depends on how many of your traits and how many of Kermit’s traits he starts showing,” said Dr. Strangepork. “Most likely, however, he will be eating more pig swill accompanied by flies and other small insects.”

“I see,” said Piggy with a look of disgust.

“Anyway, now if you and Kermit will just sign these discharge papers you can be on your way.” said Dr. Strangepork.

Moments later, Kermit and Piggy were on the elevator on their way down to the first floor and out of the hospital to go home.

 

[RedPiggy]

I still love this. I'm surprised Charlene was so mellow and nice, but otherwise this is still great.

 

[Wiseman]

Ty

Thanks, I'm working on the baby shower scene right now. Actually for the dream sequence. I rejected The Cube because of the lack of Muppet characters, as for The Storyteller idea I wanted Kermit to walk in on the Storyteller's fireplace set to see The Storyteller telling his story, and launch into an argument with the old man about whether or not he existed. But I decided that was too metaphysical for our less philosophical readers. By having Kermit see his dream characters in the real world it gave me a chance to input his famous arm-flailing scream of angst, which is a trait I have always loved in him as he plays exasperated straight man to all the crazy characters that he is forced to work with.
BTW: What did you think Of Kermit's bowling score?

 

[Wiseman]

the baby shower

Chapter 17 A Wild Baby Shower​

Setting: The hallway in front of the door leading to Kermit and Piggy’s apartment. Kermit and Piggy have just arrived home with the baby frig. Unbeknownst to them, various other Muppets, Creatures, and characters from everything that the Muppets have contributed to have arranged for a little baby shower in the apartment.

“My goodness, Kermit, it appears that while we were gone, somebody vandalized our apartment door with graffiti.” said Piggy looking at a strange orange creature that someone had drawn on the door.

“This graffiti looks familiar,” said Kermit, looking at the door a little closer. He then uttered a strange scat lyric at the drawing, only to have it echoed back at him by the drawing.

“Congratulations, Kermit & Piggy,” said the graffiti character, jumping off their door and into the hall. “In case you’re wondering what’s going on, the guys and I have arranged a little surprise baby shower for you.”

“Piggy, meet Orangio” said Kermit, introducing the strange creature.

“Where did you meet this weirdo?” said Piggy.

“While you were pursuing your career in Hollywood and I was working with our former boss Jim Henson on the Jim Henson Hour. He was one of my coworkers.” said Kermit.

“Well, actually, I only made one appearance, and I didn’t speak much, mostly just scatted through some jazz stuff with Bobby McFerrin.” said Orangio. “Anyway, come on inside, Fozzie was the one who arranged the whole thing.”

Kermit put his key in the lock and opened the door. Immediately he was shocked to find that his apartment was wall-to-wall friends and family. He then remembered that he needed to revoke Fozzie’s key privileges.

“Hey, the frog’s in the house,” said Clifford. “Time to get this party started.”

As Piggy and Kermit walked around the apartment Clifford introduced Kermit, Piggy and the frig to many new and old friends.

Actually, the party wasn’t half bad. The food was good. It had been catered by Charlie’s Restaurant which meant that Grover was there as a worker rather than a guest, but that didn’t stop him from chatting with the guests as old friends which is what they were. Gonzo had brought along Camilla who unfortunately wasn’t much company as she spent all her time sitting on her egg.

About halfway through the party Dr. Bunsen Honeydew with some assistance from Beaker, set up a video projection device and they watched a recap of Piggy and Kermit’s entire romance. Well about half of it, actually Bunsen’s machine exploded partway through the show, causing Beaker’s head to pop off and get picked up by The Firey’s who played a game of five way catch with it before throwing it back onto Beaker’s body, it landed backwards and everyone agreed that it was a great improvement.

As the party drew to a close a strange sound started to come from underneath Camilla.

“Buck, buck, buck, babuck,” said Camilla.

“Your egg is hatching?” said Big Bird who was sitting next to her translating her chicken speech for everyone at the party.

“Buck!” said Camilla.

“Hey, Gonzo, you’re a father, Camilla’s egg is hatching,” said Big Bird.

“It is,” said Gonzo “I thought that sound was the floor cracking under that huge furry elephant like friend of yours.”

“Gonzo,” said Big Bird angrily.

“Oh dear,” said Mr. Snuffleupagus.

As Camilla moved aside the egg broke open and out came a strange blue and white striped bird with a beak just like Gonzo’s and feet like a chicken’s. The baby bird peeped a few times and looked around. Upon seeing the huge crowd that had gathered to see its hatching it promptly fell asleep.

“Aaaaw, isn’t that cute,” everyone said.

“Well, it’s a boy.” said Gonzo.

“Well at least we know the gender of one of the babies at this party,” said Dr. Bunsen

Soon after, the guests began to file out as Kermit and Piggy sorted through the gifts of fish tanks, floatable toys, clothes for when the baby finally emerged onto land and money.