The Great Muppet Muffin Scandal of '72

[theprawncracker]

Oh my gosh this is fabulous!! I love how you write Gonzo and Rizzo!! Very very very awesome!!!

 

[Smiles]

I think maybe my Gonzo/Rizzo parts turn out best because they're not really doing anything that has anything to do with the plot at all, they're just kind of hanging out. Not to mention that I just love Gonzo and Rizzo.

Now, if I could only find a way to write a legitimate story where ALL the parts have nothing to do with the plot at all then I would really have something........

 

[TogetherAgain]

Wow, awesomeness! Hilarious! Me likes and me wants mroe! Er, I mean more. Me likes and me wants more! Yes, that's it. That's what I meant to say. Great job, I love it!

 

[Smiles]

~*~CHAPTER 4~*~​

"Well Miss Piggy," said Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, " we could install some voice activated locks."

"Me me mo me," Beaker suggested.

"Oh yes! Of course Beakie," Bunsen said and turned back to Piggy, "Retina scanners are also quite popular."

"Well that all sounds just lovely," Miss Piggy said with a charming smile, "you can install it right away."

"Well they’ll take a few days to create, naturally," said Bunsen, beaker nodded. "Well unless we can create a time machine," Bunsen said excitedly, "lets get to it beaker!" They left Piggy and she sighed with a slightly less charming demeanor.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~​

"It was the middle of the night and everyone," Kermit paused for a moment and thought of something, "well most people, were getting ready for the robbery that was allegedly taking place the next day"

"I’m guarding the potatoes,
I’m guarding the potatoes," sang Beauregard who was stationed at his guard post, a chair next to the vault door.

"How long until your shift is over Beauregard?" Kermit asked him. Scooter popped up next to him and neither Kermit nor Beauregard were phased by this.

"15 minutes boss," Scooter said as Beauregard kept singing. "And here’s your coffee," Scooter remembered handing the cup to Kermit.

"You know Scooter, you really didn’t have to stay here all this time," Kermit said.

"I know," said Scooter shrugging, "but its not like I really had anything better to do. And besides I wanna see that robbery in action!" Kermit looked over at him. "I mean attempted robbery," scooter corrected himself. They all sat there for while, Beauregard continuing to sing.

"Could you just stop the singing for minute?" Kermit asked, "I’m beginning to get a headache." Beauregard stopped singing and started tapping his foot to the rhythm of his previous song.

"Hey boss singings a good idea. You of all people should know what joy it brings. Your headache is probably from lack of sleep, it is getting really late," Scooter said. Kermit sighed. Scooter was right, he was really tired and singing had never given him a headache previously. "So how does that song go?" Scooter asked.

Beauregard started right up singing again,
"I’m guarding the potatoes,
I’m guarding the potatoes!"

Scooter paused, "This story isn’t about potatoes."

"Should I pronounce it differently?" asked Beauregard, " You know….
"Potato, Potato"

Scooter laughed and joined in.

"Tomato, tomato,"

"Let’s call the whole thing off," Kermit said.

"But Oh if we call the whole thing off then we part"

Kermit shrugged, "If you can’t beat ‘em…."

"And Ohh, if we ever part than that might simply break my heart…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~​

"You guys got the trash bags?" Johnny asked. Pepe and Sal looked at each other.

"Check," said Sal.

"Disguises?" asked Johnny.

"No," said Sal.

"No disguises?" asked Johnny.

"What do we REALLY need disguises for?" asked Sal.

"Si," said Pepe, "If we really need somes, then we can use the extra trash baggies."

Johnny shrugged, "Okay, lets go get the pickup." The three of them walked up to a pickup truck parked strategically on the side of the road.

"Um Johnny," asked Sal, " why is you pick up pink?"

"And uh why does it have all these cute little animal stickers on the dash board?" asked Pepe, " hey look Sal, there is a monkey like you!"

"That looks like my cousin."

"Hey look guys, this is just a rental okay?" Johnny said attempting to defend himself.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~​

Rizzo was flipping through the television channels in the surveillance room. "Can you believe this?" he said, "500 channels and nothing to watch."

"473," Gonzo said.

"What?"

"473 channels and nothing to watch."

"How do you know that?"

"I’ve been counting."

Rizzo shook his head and continued flipping through the channels. "Hey look! It’s Rat Date!" he said.

"Oh come on Rizzo, you know how I feel about dating shows," Gonzo said.

Rizzo sighed, "Your idea of traumatic experiences." And he continued flipping the channels.

"Hey look said Gonzo," he pointed to a screen as a pink pickup truck pulled into a parking lot. "Its Johnny, Sal and Pepe on TV! I wonder if they know that there on" Gonzo picked up the phone and started calling their numbers.

"What show is this?" asked Rizzo

"Probably some reality show," said Gonzo, phone still at his ear, "looks like its about cars."

Rizzo looked at the TV screen confused, "I thought that Johnny didn’t want anyone to know he had that truck." Gonzo put the telephone down.

"None of them are home," Gonzo said, "and hey Rizzo speaking of trucks I have a date with Camilla tonight so I’ll see you tomorrow."

"Sure, sure," Rizzo said eyes still glued to the TV screen, " Hey wait a minute Gonzo what does that have to do with trucks? And aren’t we supposed to stay in this room?" The door slammed. Rizzo looked at the door for a moment, then started flipping the channels again. "Welcome back to Rat Date," He said in his best announcer voice.

 

[Smiles]

~*~Chapter 5~*~​

Johnny, Sal and Pepe crept into the castle and around the hallways, watching very carefully for anyone who might see them and always looking both ways before they crossed a hallway. When they slowly peeked around the corner to the hallway with the muffin vault, they were shocked and forced to slowly retreat their peeking heads back around the corner.

"3 AM AND ALL IS WELL!" shouted Scooter, sitting on his chair next to the vault. Kermit looked at him across the hallway and sighed as he flipped through the pages of his script.

"They have a guard, okay!," Pepe whispered.

"What are we going to do now?" Sal asked.

"The only thing we can do," Johnny replied.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~​

A knocking came on the window. Everyone in the restaurant looked around, confused.

"Just ignore it," The waiters told the late night crowd, "Its only the wind." But the knocking continued, growing louder by the moment. Finally, one curious waiter went to go open the window. Gonzo and Camilla climbed through.

"Geez, what does it take to get into this place?" asked Gonzo.

"The front door is wide open," said the waiter.

"Well sure," said Gonzo, "But we prefer the window." The waiter rolled his eyes and seated Gonzo and Camilla at a table near the door.

"Bawk Bawk Bawk," Camilla said to Gonzo.

"I know my little poppy seed, but this is the only place that was open," he thought about that for a minute, "maybe it’s a holiday."

"Bawk Bawk," said Camilla.

"Well of course I expect to go to dinner after a movie that lets out a 2 AM!" Gonzo exclaimed.

Just then the Electric Mayhem walked through the door, lugging all of their musical equipment.

"Hey Gonzo, Hey Camilla," said Floyd.

"Hey what are you guys doing here?" asked Gonzo.

"GIG! GIG!" said Animal.

"Like it’s spotlight, band night, tonight," added Janice, "Hey why are we going so late?"

"Cause they’re saving the best, for last," said Dr. Teeth.

"Totally," said Floyd nodding, "So see ya later." The band started to continue their way up to the stage.

"Bye Electric!" Gonzo shouted and waved. The band looked around at each other looked at each other.

"Electric?"

"Bawk Bawk," said Camilla.

"I know!" Gonzo exclaimed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~​

"It was 7 AM and all was well," said Kermit, reading from his script.

"7 AM and all is well!" shouted Scooter.

"Hey! Uncle Kermit!" Robin shouted running into the room from a door at the opposite end of the hallway, telephone in hand.

"Hold on a minute Scooter," Kermit said, "Yes Robin?"

"It’s Big Bird on the phone, he wants to know why we’re doing a show about stealing," said Robin covering the receiver with his hand.

Kermit closed his script and sighed, "well just tell him we’re not." Robin mumbled into the phone and nodded.

"Now he wants to know why we’re doing a story about lying," Robin told him.

"Oh Boy you better let me handle this," Kermit said taking the phone and handing Robin the script, "Can you cover for me as narrator?" Robin nodded and started flipping through the script as kemit walked out of the hallway.

"Got any threes?" Pepe whispered.

"Go fish," whispered Sal.

"Jou know, I really resent this game," whispered Pepe.

"Well what else can we play?" complained Sal, "We’ve already played Poker, Gin, Rummy, Bull, Old Maid, Wallypog, Uno, Skip-Bo, 52 Pickup…."

"Hey wait a minute guys, something is going on," whispered Johnny. All three of them poked their heads around the corner.

"Word spread quickly throughout the Island," Robin read from the script.

"No, that’s not it," said Scooter.

"Can you help me find my place?" Robin asked. Scooter walked over and the two of them began turning pages.

"Here’s our chance," Johnny whispered and he, Sal and Pepe quietly snuck into the vault.

"Word spread quickly throughout the island," Robin read, "I think something is wrong with this script."

"Well," Scooter said, "word spreads quickly a lot." Pepe, Johnny and Sal quickly threw the muffins into their garbage bags, thankful that it was a sound proof vault.

"It was 7 AM and was well," read Robin.

"No," Scooter said and flipped a couple of pages. Sal, Johnny and Pepe quietly tip-toed out of the vault and out of the castle.

"Gee you think they would get a lock or something," Pepe whispered as they left.

"Wait YES! Go back, go back, go back," shouted Scooter excitedly.

"Okay," said Robin, "Queen Piggy came heading down to check up on things at the muffin vault." With that Piggy entered the hallway.

"So how are my muffins?" she asked.

 

[theprawncracker]

Hahaha!!! I love it!! Gonzo is amazing!! Very very funny!! Beautiful!!

 

[TogetherAgain]

<points at Robin> YAY! <dances> And I love the comments about Big Bird, and something's wrong with the script, "Well word spreads quickly a lot," and... oy, I love it! MORE PLEASE!

 

[ReneeLouvier]

This is absolutely CUTE!!! I'm really loving this story...

More!! please!! I beg of you, please more story!!!

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Oh my goodness, this is hilarious! I can't decide which is my favorite part, because it is all pure gold! Poor Bigbird, and Robin not finding his place, and Gonzo for not wanting to watch Rat Date...
At times like this I don't know which is funnier: what I am actually reading, or the jokes I make up in my own head about what I am reading, which is pretty scary if you think about it. For ex. It only means that I am enjoying the story all the more though! For example, my thaught process in the Gonzo and Rizo scene went something like this:

"L500 chanels and nothing on. Let's see: football game, game show, sappy movie robbery, in progress, next room... I was right. Nothing on. I'm going to bed.

Okay, so it wasn't so funny written out. It was a riot when I was thinking it. I feel really weird writing this. Does anyone else think like this, or am I the odd-on-out?

 

[Smiles]

~*~Chapter 6~*~​

"The muffins are fine Piggy," Scooter told her, "I’ve been watching right here." Just to make sure Piggy moseyed into her muffin vault.

"SCOOTER!" Piggy yelled , "there not in here!" Scooter shook his head. Impossible.

"Check again Piggy," he told her.

"THEY’RE NOT IN THERE SCOOTER!" she told him. Scooter skeptically looked into the muffin vault and gasped.

"What could have happened! I was here the whole time! What could have happened! I didn’t see anything! I was watching!," Scooter continued to ramble on and on as Piggy glared at him, neither of them quite sure what type of action to take next.

Robin cringed. He had never seen Piggy so mad or Scooter so freaked out before. Well actually he had. Both. Worse. Quite a lot. But he had never felt so guilty about these things. For although Robin didn’t know how the robbery happened, he was sure it wouldn’t have happened if Kermit were still there.

"I know!," exclaimed Scooter, taking a momentary pause in his rambling, "It must have been an inside operation."


Piggy perked up, "Right! Start checking the walls for hollow spaces." In the slight distance, a car sped off. "Inside operation?" Piggy said, glaring at Scooter even more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


​

The pink pick-up truck sped down the highway, headed in what appeared to be no particular place as it circled and swiveled all over the island


So tell me again why we are doing this, okay?" Pepe asked whilst plugging his ears.

"We’ve been over this and over this…" Sal began, also plugging his ears.

"It’s about moneys, isn’t it?" asked Pepe.

"Yeah! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!" The muffin stopped their continuos drivel to chant.

"Fine!," said Johnny trying to keep his eyes on the road, "I tell you. In song."

"Taking stock of what I have, and what I haven’t"
​

"This is from Annie Get Your Gun," said a banana nut muffin

"Finding out who I is, and who I amn’t."

​

"That really isn’t," the banana nut muffin noted. Johnny pulled the car over to the side of the road.

"Look muffins," Johnny said, "I’m answering your question, I’m trying to sing a song. You need to be quiet!"

"We were quiet the whole robbery! Isn’t that good enough?" asked a cranberry muffin.

"No," Johnny plainly stated.

"And I find I need little repayment for the hard good work I do
You’ll find out that when your good to your island
You want your island to be good to you

I’m just
Doot du doot du
Getting my piece of the pie"

​

Sal and Pepe joined in,

"He’s just
Doot du doot du
Getting his piece of the pie"

​

"Hey!" said the blueberry muffin, " how do they know this song?"

"Seriously, their ears are even plugged," added the cranberry muffin.

"Doot du doot du
He’s just getting his piece of the pie
Doot du doot du."

​

"Hey!" said a cupcake, "how do WE know this song?"


"That’s my line!" said the chocolate chip muffin angrily looking over the cupcake, "and what are you even doing here anyway?"


"Muffins!," exclaimed Johnny, " I cannot sing with all your muffin chatter!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


​

"I betcha he picks Yolanda," said Rizzo munching popcorn and looking up at the tv.

"You keep saying that," Fozzie reminded him.

"Well she’s on every episode of Rat Date we’ve watched, they have to pick her sometime!" Rizzo decided.

"How long is this marathon anyway?" Fozzie asked.

"I dunno. We should probably get some food," said Rizzo, realizing he’d reached the end of his popcorn bowl, "Wanna order something from the Castle Cafeteria?" Fozzie shrugged and picked up the phone.

"Welcum tu zee Borjk Borjk Pitza!’ said the Sweedish Chef on the other end of the line.

"No Chef, this is the cafeteria," Fozzie told him.

"Itsa pitza day!"

"Okay chef, we’ll take two large Pizzas with everything."

"Okie-dokie," said the chef as he dropped the telephone onto the pizza crust. The doorbell rang.

"Now that’s speedy delivery," said Rizzo as he and Fozzie started walking toward the door.

"You’re not chinese," Fozzie said as he opened the door.

"Or the Pizza man," added Rizzo.