Holla, Mupps! Firstly, let's give it up for the new forums, yeah? Shiny! Got a little worried when I came by on Saturday and there was no forum (cause in my experience, it means the forums have disappeared into the great Internet void), but luckily there it was when I came back yesterday.
Secondly, of course big apologies for the lateness in everything. In case you missed it, I hit the big 35 nearly two weeks ago and with that, I started making a change in my career, along with my ever changing job schedule kinda pushed this and the Mondays back a bit. But that's why I'm here today! I have an update for you and if you're good, you'll actually get a Monday on a Monday
Here's your new chapter of the Great Impostors and we're coming up on the end here. In case you forgot what's been going on, here's a recap for you - bored and looking for something to do, Piggy, Rowlf, and Janice decide to crash a book signing/release for one Dr. Martin Milan. While there, the three take on different personalities, including one Neil Patrick Harris, and begin mingling with the party guests.
Rowlf gets sucked into a pool game with some of the military men from the host's past, when one of them has a heart attack, causing them to call on Rowlf's persona as a doctor; Janice decides to lend her hand in a seance and gets in a panic when the many candles surrounding them catch the curtains and books on fire; Piggy, parading around as actor Neil Patrick Harris in disguise, gets found out by the host, who has been a fan since the actor's childhood role as Dr. Doogie Howser.
Let's see how our trio gets out of this one, right?
Chapter V
Whatever plans the guests at the Martin Milan party had quickly went out the window when the ambulance and the police were called.
Colonel Kidd, one of the guests, had seemingly started having a heart attack within the study and his companions were at a loss as to what to do; luckily for them, there had been a doctor in the room and this doctor had managed to save the Colonel’s life. And now he was the talk of the party, but no one seemed to be able to find him.
To couple with that, word had gotten out that Neil Patrick Harris was somewhere in the room, but like the good doctor, seemed to have disappeared within the house.
What the guests didn’t know was that both of these people, including a third who was trying to manage the unknown fire that had sprung up in the den, were frauds. Not in the sense that they weren’t themselves members of the elite and stars within their own means, only that their presence at the party was done in farce, a passing fancy that had attracted the eye of one of them, with the hopes of a spectacular night.
This, of course, was
not what they had in mind.
Miss Piggy, the ever elusive ‘NPH’, had been bored within the first five minutes of being in the room. Not only did none of them even recognized her – I mean, really! – but they were the high, stuffy, academics, who discussed Chaucer and Tennyson as though discussing the weather; who debated the merits of independent art versus that of the refined articles they saw in museums. This wasn’t to say that Piggy was herself a snob when it came to the educated, quite the opposite, but there was a difference between speaking with people who were educated and speaking with people who were educated and wanted you to know it.
Piggy’s evening had been spent trying to entertain the host of the party, who had caught wind of her alias and had been peppering her with questions and conversation for most of the night. And because she hadn’t even considered anyone cornering her or even discovering who she was pretending to be, most of the information she was giving was probably about 75% inaccurate or made up; fortunately for her, Milan knew less about the things that NPH had done since his Doogie Howser days, which made it quite easy to insert things that probably didn’t happen or
wouldn’t happen. This included a big role that was coming up, featuring the fabulous Miss Piggy, and a Broadway role to run after his current stint.
It…sort of built up from there and Piggy was just thankful that when she finally found her traveling companions, they could blow this Popsicle stand and Milan would have a story and nothing else.
That is…until she started hearing rumors of people calling an ambulance. And the police.
“What uh…what um…” she stammered, doing her best to look nonplussed. “What was that about the police?”
“I’m not sure,” Milan replied, looking around at the commotion that was starting to happen. “Jerry, what’s going on?”
Jerry, a passerby with fuzzy gray hair that matched the identical eyebrows on his face, stopped and leaned towards the two. “Someone’s had a heart attack,” he whispered.
“Dear me!” Milan exclaimed. “Are they alright? Should we be calling an ambulance?”
“I think Poppy’s got it,” Jerry replied. “Luckily, there was a doctor there and it sounds like the person’s alright, but we’re getting an ambulance as soon as possible. You never know about these things. Why, my Uncle Rufus had a heart attack once, right outside his door and…”
Piggy took that moment to slip away, thankful that Jerry managed to keep Milan entertained for the moment. This was not good. The last thing they wanted or
needed was the police coming by and asking a bunch of questions that they would be forced to answer and that would, most likely, get them thrown in the stony lonesome for the night, which meant calling someone and regardless of who it was, it would get back to Kermit;
that, she was sure of. No, the best thing was to call it a night and basically disappear into the night the same way they appeared, if she could find Rowlf and Janice. Where the heck could those two have gotten to?
Milling through the crowd, Piggy managed to make her way to the mini bar that had been setup and finally ran into someone she knew. “There you are!” she hissed, causing the brown dog to turn her way. “Where have you been? Did you hear the news?”
“Uh…”
“Dr. B. here’s a total hero,” the bartender whispered.
Turning with the intent on telling the bartender to shut it, something that he said triggered an abrupt halt in that command. “You don’t say.”
The bartender nodded, ignoring the panicked look on Rowlf’s face, as well as the repeated shaking of his head. “I know you don’t want me to say anything,” he said. “But you totally deserve cred, dude. Totally.”
Piggy turned to look at Rowlf, Rowlf turned to look at Piggy.
“Dr. B, could I see you over here for a moment?” the diva asked sweetly, though the iron clad grip that she put on the dog’s arm was anything but sweet. “You’ll excuse us, won’t you?” Dragging him off to the side, she hissed, “What did you do?”
Rowlf cleared his throat a few times and rubbed the back of his neck a few times before he sheepishly answered, “Saved a man’s life.”
“Idiot!” she hissed, the slap on the arm given extra emphasis. “What part of ‘low key’ did you not understand?”
“Well, it’s kinda hard to do when you get marked and called out as a doctor!” he angrily whispered back. “Besides, I couldn’t let him die; how would that look?”
Sucking in a frustrated sigh, running a palm down her face with one hand and balling a tight fist with the other, Piggy strived to do her best and wait until they were far away from here in order to kill her pianist. Of course, he was right – he couldn’t just stand there and watch the man die, that was a given, and thankfully no one other than the bartender and maybe the person he saved knew who he was, so many they could get out of this still intact.
“When we get outside,” she muttered. “I’m so going to deck you.” Taking a deep breath and exhaling, she asked the other important question of the night. “And where is Janice?”
Janice, or Ambrosia, for the night had been spending her time trying to alert the members of her séance that the room was on fire, despite the fact that many of the occupants expressed concerns that it was ‘suddenly hot as all get out’ and that the room was ‘growing uncomfortably warm’. Twice the guitarist tried to make a break for it, getting chastised that a break in the psychic chain would undo the connection to the spirit world, but finally, as she watched the north side of the wall catch fire, she made the excuse that she needed to go to the bathroom immediately and was quickly, and disappointedly, let go from the group.
Wanting to get help, but also not wanting to let these four elder ladies die in a house fire, Janice was torn as to what to do; while the ladies were doing their chanting, she was running around the room looking for a fire extinguisher and having about as much as she was trying to warn the women about the fire. Settling on a pitcher of water that was on the desk, she threw the whole thing on the north wall, which of course only managed to stop some of the fire from spreading, however the eastern wall was pretty much destroying the house and was now also eating up the south wall.
Seeing no choice but to get an actual extinguisher and probably some actual help, Janice quickly rushed from the room, passing by a number of people who thankfully could see the flames from the doorway.
It was of course at that time when she was spotted by Rowlf and Piggy, who flagged her over.
“Where’ve you been?” Rowlf asked.
“Nowhere!” the blonde exclaimed. “Why? What’ve you heard?”
“That is a sentence that I never want to hear from you,” Piggy stated, suspiciously. “What’ve you done?”
“Nothing!” Janice insisted, holding up her hand in defense. “And if anyone asks, it’s like…a small fire. And I did everything I could to put it out, though the host guy totally needs to put extinguishers in readily available and easy to reach areas.”
Both diva and pianist looked at her.
“Say what?” asked Piggy.
“What fire?” asked Rowlf.
While the fire had finally gotten the attention that it needed, it came at a cost. After the fact, it would be discovered that a faulty gas line happened to be behind the south wall; at the moment, no one knew about it, so when the explosion happened, it surprised everyone in the home, including the four ladies that were sitting in the room. “I got your sign, Archie!” yelled Gretchen.
“That one,” Janice whimpered, as the three watched people scramble to put out the fire, right as the sounds of paramedics, police, and fire services began roaring in the background.
“Alright,” Piggy announced. “Time to go.”
“Right,” Rowlf nodded.
The three began to make their way towards the kitchen, where there would hopefully be a backdoor in which they could escape. “Hey wait,” Janice said. “Shouldn’t we say goodbye to Dr. Milan?”
“No!” Piggy cried, clearing her throat and smiling as someone passed by them. “No, no, that’s…totally out of the question.”
“Why?”
Piggy began to giggle, a nervous habit she developed when nervous or when she had been caught in a ruse and needed to cover her tracks. In this case, it was both. “Look,” she started. “In the course of the evening…Moi may have…innocently! Insinuated…that Moi was…Neil Patrick Harris.”
Both guitarist and pianist looked at her.
“Oh don’t give me that,” she interrupted. “You knew what we were getting in to when we walked in here and you
knew who I was kinda, sorta pretending to be.”
“Yeah,” Rowlf huffed. “And we kinda, sorta thought you’d pretend to be the person that the guard put on the list.”
“Yeah, well…” Piggy began. “That…kinda, sorta didn’t happen so…I didn’t make the house explode, so there.”
“Oh burn!” Janice complained, as the trio made their escape through the kitchen and out the backdoor, just as the emergency services began to arrive on the scene. Rushing out through the back gate and rounded around the block, until they were standing firmly across the street, watching the events unfold, just like some of the other neighbors that had meandered out of their homes to see what was going on.
The night should have been like any other - where they would just be drinking, dancing, and discussing all things Hollywood; instead the event had taken a turn when the coat room had taken on an unexpected fire and questions were starting to be asked. As the three looked at each other, it was unanimously decided that they would go their separate ways until they would need to meet up tomorrow in order to do the dress rehearsals for their weekly TV show.
Not a word was said between the three, as they all turned and walked off into separate areas, determined to go their separate ways in order to block that particular night out. It would be in the papers the next morning, how a party had gone from small to house fire in what seemed a manner of minutes, but it was the hope that this incident wouldn’t come back to haunt them.
Or so they hoped.
Once Piggy had gotten inside the car, she immediately grabbed her cell and called the first number she came across, which just happened to be Rowlf’s. “So if anyone asks,” she began. “We were not here, Rowlfington the third, Ambrosia, and NPH were, but we were not. We have been at Schotsky’s all night, which is where Moi is headed right now and Moi expects you to show up momentarily.”
[hr]
Schotsky’s Bar was a little out of the way place that the founding five, as they were called, had discovered back in the days when they were still meeting and greeting each other, still coming up with the idea that would grow to be the Muppet Show. Because of this, many of the bartenders and wait staff were familiar with the various members of the group who would stop by and it was this that would help to save all of their bacons should someone ask on their whereabouts.
And certainly the fifty bucks Piggy slipped to the Mighty Mac as he tended bar didn’t hurt.
For the rest of the night, that’s where the three held up, drinking and doing everything possible to avoid discussing the night they just had.