The Great Impostors

[WebMistressGina]

Hey, hey Mup Cen! You knows what time it is!

*you* What time is it, Gina?

Why, it's time for another story from yours truly! After finishing up the Mondays and working on the Pool Hall series, I figured it was time for the divine one herself to make another appearance with mayhem and comedy.

That sounded like compliment.

It kinda was. And with six days and counting before she's gonna have to pick one frog over another, I thought it time, once again, for a Divine Miss P Adventure! This time, she, Rowlf, and Janice take thei bed side manner outside of the hospital for a change. And without further ado.....

Miss Piggy Muppet Adventures Presents​

Rowlf the Dog | Janice | Miss Piggy​

In​

​

The Great Impostors​

​

Friday Night
West Hollywood
10:45pm


There was a great ruckus happening on the southwest block of Sunset Boulevard, the street sharing its name with the iconic classic movie. On this block, Hollywood homes were done up by the stars and parties were equally attended by such; however, on this night, the party had seemingly been crashed by the fire department and the police. A fire waged war on one home, though it was a small one that was encompassed by the inside of the home itself and not the entire house or block. As people gathered around, interested to know what was happening, the occupants were describing what had transpired while they had been inside.
On the outside of the home, looking in, stood three figures that were offset thanks to their position within the shadows of the moon light and the cover of darkness.

These three individuals had also been at the party and were at least practically responsible for the shenanigans that had happened inside. The night should have been like any other - where they would just be drinking, dancing, and discussing all things Hollywood; instead the event had taken a turn when the coat room had taken on an unexpected fire and questions were starting to be asked. In a hurry, the three fled the scene, though they obviously stayed close in order to see what would become of their night out. Rowlf the Dog, Janice Bennington, and Miss Piggy all stood in a circle, waiting for to see what would become of the small house fire that they may or may not have initially caused. As the three looked at each other, it was unanimously decided that they would go their separate ways until they would need to meet up tomorrow in order to do the dress rehearsals for their weekly TV show.

Not a word was said between the three, as they all turned and walked off into separate areas, determined to go their separate ways in order to block that particular night out. It would be in the papers the next morning, how a party had gone from small to house fire in what seemed a manner of minutes, but it was the hope that this incident wouldn’t come back to haunt them.


Or so they hoped.

 

[The Count]

*At press conference for Gina's newest story.
If a fire breaks out at a Hollywood home during a posh party, you'll end up with three stories: yours, mine, and the inferno's. But rest assured that tomorrow you'll wake up to find everything right with the world and teacakes on your doorstep.

Read all about my harrowing adventure inside the raging inferno in tomorrow's edition of the Muppet Times. Along with photos from my trusted photographer rat, Twitchy.

Patrol Bear Fozzie: There was absolutely nothing funny about the fire, it burned peacibly and everybody liked it.

*Waits for the next installment with basket of goodies like pumpkin cheesecake squares and macadamia cookies if anyone want some.

 

[WebMistressGina]

Sup! So, I had planned to post the first chapter yesterday, but decided it needed more stuff and came to an awesome thought in the early morning of today. So in this I happened to mention some of hte turmoil that pops up in 5 Ball and will be the plot to Monday Return, so consider this like a prelude.




Chapter I

Twelve hours earlier


Muppet Theater was usually a mix of zany antics and calm days, though mostly zany antics. Today however was what they would call a calm day, that is to say that the normal suspects weren’t anywhere in the building could account for that; but a show was due for that weekend and a show they would need to need actually rehearse for the show. That’s where Rowlf the Dog found himself on a Friday, within the theater proper and sitting down to lunch at one of the tables in the cantina. The brown dog often found himself within the cantina, having a bite to eat between the time and sets that he might have been involved in; while the cooking staff within the cantina was subject to scrutiny, they certainly made a better meal than he could, hence why he would take his lunch – and sometimes breakfast and dinner – within the property.

On this Friday, Rowlf was at his normal table having lunch when his cast mate, Janice Bennington, decided to stop by.

“Hey hey, Rowlf puppy!”

“Hey Lady J,” the dog replied, nodding his head towards one of the unoccupied seats that surrounded. “What have I done to be graced by your lovely presence?”

Janice Bennington was the blond guitarist for the Electric Mayhem and by extension, the Muppet Orchestra and band; while Janice was more musician than actor, she did play a part in one of the more popular sketches – that of the medical drama Veteran’s Hospital, the dramatic farce that even the actors didn’t find necessary to bother rehearsing, which often caused a headache for their director and leader. Today, the blond had been practicing with both the theater orchestra and that of the Mayhem for the upcoming show and she had been hankering for some good ole fashioned sweet potato fries, the only way that the Swedish Chef could make them.

From there, she had seen the brown dog pianist sitting at a table by himself and decided to provide him company.

“Like, a cute dog like you should not be sitting alone,” she giggled, taking a seat next to him.

“How can I be alone when I got a cutie like you to keep me company?” came the response, accompanied by the wink that the dog always had prepared for when he was surrounded by the ladies of the Muppet company. He and Janice always got along, their musical interests forming a tight bond through their musical interests, as well as their casting as doctor and nurse within one of the sketches; their personalities were also well suited for each other, both being relatively good humored and naturedly, with very little getting them bothered or upset.

The two discussed different projects they had been working on, along with the state of the cantina food, basically enjoying the morning as it turned to afternoon, the thought of working the entire weekend before their show on Sunday. It was usually during these particular down times that the three membered cast of Vet’s Hospital actually came up with their dialogue for their sketches; as a comeback to the question of whether the three actually needed a script in which to work, they had answered that no, they could easily do their bits without a script and had been doing exactly that for the last several years. It was still amazing to Janice at least at how well of an improvisational actress she could be, able to think of her feet to the responses of her co-stars and their own improved dialogue.

The only thing they were missing was that of their third troublemaker.

And as soon as she thought it and was about to mention it, who should walk in and head to their table than the all-star diva herself, Miss Piggy. Piggy, being the diva that she was, carried herself as though she was a starlet of old, back in the days of Classic Hollywood when actresses and actors were held in such high regard, that fans literally stopped in their tracks when they were near. The Divine Miss P, as she was known, had been milling about the theater for the last two days, trying to find something to do with herself.

Her beau, the show’s director and leader, had been gone for the last two days, visiting his family and doing a short tour with their resident comic. She couldn’t imagine two days, on the road, in a car, with Fozzie Bear, though it certainly wasn’t the first time that the two had done a road trip together; thankfully, at the last moment, she had been able to convince them both that flying would not only be faster, but easier for all involved. So now it was only two days, in the air, on a plane, with Fozzie. And while she had solved the issue with the frog and bear, there was still the matter of finding something that would occupy her.

“Bon jour, mon amies!” she greeted, taking the offered chair Rowlf kicked out for her.

“How’s it hangin’, Princess?” asked the dog, once the diva had taken a seat next to him.

“Boring,” she sighed. “Moi seems to be in a rut.”

“That does not sound the divine diva we know,” the pianist joked.

“Like, you must be totally bored without Boss Frog around,” Janice said.

“Well,” the diva sighed. “The frog does provide Moi with acceptable forms of entertainment.”

“Careful,” Rowlf smirked, sending a wink her way. “This is a family restaurant.”

“Totally know what you mean, Miss P,” the blond agreed. “This adult stuff is really harshing the mellow, big time. I kinda miss the old days of staying up late till like morning and sleeping till evening and then doing it all again.”

“Don’t you do that now?” Piggy asked.

“Harsh.”

“Well ladies,” Rowlf said. “This dog is always up for learning new tricks, especially when surrounded by two beautiful blonds.”

Both blonds chuckled at the dog’s flirtatious manner. “You’re just looking for an excuse to find something to do,” Piggy smirked. Pulling out her phone, the diva got straight to work, looking for anything of interest that might be happening on that weekend. “Alright, give me a few minutes and let me see if I can find something for the three of us to do.”

“Well, the frog’s only gone for the next few days,” the dog replied. “So pick something good.”

It took the leading lady nearly two minutes to find what she was searching for on her phone, but when she found it, she was all smiles. “Perfect,” she murmured, a grin accompanying the statement. “Celebration party honoring Martin Milan, prominent physician and author; apparently his most recent book just came out. Looks like a pretty nice guest list, no one too high profile and no one too low.”

Looking at her companions, she asked, “Feel like going to a party?”

“You mean, you wanna crash a party?” Janice asked, causing the others to look at her. Chuckling, she said, “Right, total blond moment. Of course you wanna a crash party. I’m in.”

“Me too,” Rowlf added. “If you can figure out how to get us in.”

Again, Piggy chuckled. “I’ll get us in.”

For the rest of the day, the trio went about their normal activities, rehearsing and the like; Piggy went through the process of trying to get them into the Milan affair. As she sat in her dressing room, Piggy went through her routine of getting ready for her upcoming practice with Rowlf, while trying to get a hold of someone who knew more about Milan and the dinner he was throwing. Right in the middle of a text to Thoreau, her always ready and fashionable designer, her phone went off, showing an unexpected number.

“To what do I owe the honor?”

“And hello to you, sweet pea,” replied the frog, his smile easily heard over the phone. “I take it you’re keeping yourself busy and out of trouble.”

“Yes and the day’s still young,” came the snappy response. “How’re things down Leland way?”

The immediate answer that she was expecting – that the folks were good, the family was good, Robin was asking about her – was slow in coming and she knew by the way he hesitated that something must have been going on. “It’s…folks are good,” he said. “Wondering when you’re gonna grace them with your presence again.”

“Maybe we’ll plan something when you get back,” Piggy replied. “Things with Robbie…unsettled?”

“You could say that,” Kermit whispered. “We’ll…later. Um…” Whatever sentence Kermit was going to say was interrupted by a commotion near his side. “Piggy, hold on, Fozzie wants to talk to you. Here.”

Why Fozzie Bear wanted to talk to her, she didn’t know, but the diva had no choice in the matter because as soon as Kermit stopped speaking, Fozzie’s voice had replace his. “Piggy? It’s Fozzie.”

“What can Moi help you with, Bear?”

“Oh, I just wanted to say hi to you,” the comic replied. “How are you?”

Piggy couldn’t help but smirk, one of the four responses she always had when speaking to the comedic bear. “I’m good, Fozzie,” she said. “How’s everything there? Keeping Kermit on track and out of trouble?”

“Yes ma’am,” the bear saluted. “Bear and Frog are moving right along.”

“Well, move right along and hand me back to the frog.”

“Will do!”

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“No need to make Moi miss you more,” she chuckled. “Already do, mon cher.”

“Same here,” he whispered. A beat went by before he said, “Miss you.”

Kermit the Frog was not an overly affectionate guy, quite the opposite, however since getting the Muppets back together – more importantly, getting back together with Piggy – had made him a little more aware about the fact that there were times in which he needed to actively let people know how much they were cared for, how much he cared for them all, but one pig in particular.

“One more day, Mon Capitan,” she replied. “And then vous will be back here, telling us all what to do.”

“Scooter handling everything ok?”

“Please,” the diva huffed. “The boy wonder has been learning the ropes to take over one day.”

“We’ve created a monster.”

“A good one, though.”

Another distraction seemed to be happening just out of ear shot, but enough that it drew Kermit’s attention. “Darlin’, I gotta go,” he said. “The troops are getting rowdy and I don’t think Fozzie can handle them by himself. I’ll talk to you later, ok?”

“Of course,” she replied. “Moi does have a little soiree planned for later, but I’ll be sure the keep close to the phone, with baited breath.”

“Of course.”

“Until then, Mon Cher.”

“Darlin’.”

Talking to Kermit, especially when he wasn’t there, always left a slight ache within her, but as she told him, it was only one more day before they would be reunited. Luckily, if things went the way she hoped, she’d have something to do later in the night and tomorrow would be spent working on the show before the actual show time. A quick beep alerted her to the text that had just come in, from one of Thoreau’s contacts who managed to get her more info on the dinner party, as well as an invite, despite not being on the list.

DIVINE MISS P: Thank you, dearheart. You are of course in my debt.

THOR: For you, sweetheart, it’s on the house. Dinner tomorrow? Frog still gone?

DIVINE MISS P: Frog is coming back tomorrow, but vous is of course invited to the show. Sunday?


THOR: With bells.

 

[The Count]

Good start, but you should rully check your work before hitting "Post" Two "that of"'s that could have been avoided... But still, I enjoyed the banter between the medical drama's actors and nice reference to one of our fave long-running novels. Intrigued as to what will happen at this Milan person's party that will cause Muppets to scurry away into the night.

Post when possible. *Leaves a brownie found in the goodie basket.

 

[AlittleMayhem]

Aw, I love the way you wrote Rowlf interacting with our favourite blondes!

 

[WebMistressGina]

Alright kids! It's Monday and I got you a two for one today! First up, the next chapter of the Great Impostors, which includes the scene that basically created the story in the first place.

Then it's off to see the new movie and then!

Yep, it's Monday, so you get a Monday chapter as well. Enjoy!


Chapter II
Eight hours earlier

Four hours spent rehearsing for acts was enough for anyone, but especially for Piggy, who only had one act in the first place. So while it took her about an hour to actually rehearse, the diva was literally stuck and bored at the theater for three hours; luckily, for an hour and a half of that, Piggy was coming up with a way to get into a private party for a prominent physician turned author that was happening later that night.

While the diva had gotten info about the party, the one thing that eluded her was the guest list – as with any party in Hollywood, there was usually a list to keep out people that the party didn’t want inside. In many cases, private parties didn’t need to have such security, as many of those being invited were friends; Piggy certainly understood that, given the amount of parties she had thrown together at the house and even she did manage to get a guest list together, no one ever observed it because unsavory people still managed to get in.

In this situation, that was exactly what she was counting on.

And while getting into what was probably a guest list approved private party could be difficult, what could be worse was the fact that the three of them would be spotted. They were international stars of stage and screen, however there actually were people in the world who didn’t know who the Muppets were; again, she was hoping for the latter in this case. She was pretty sure Rowlf and Janice could get away with it, but just by virtue of being Miss Piggy, she wasn’t sure she could easily do the same. But she was gonna try her hardest to do it.

With a few hours to go, Piggy made her way downstairs, still engaged in a text with Thoreau, and looked around for her two cohorts for the evening. Seeing the redheaded manager of the theater, she called out to him, breaking up what seemed a ridiculous conversation with penguin Arthur Cheeseman. “Hey Red,” she called. “Seen the Vet’s crew?”

“Yeah,” replied Scooter Grosse. “In the orchestra pit. Nigel’s on a tirade something fierce; no idea why.”

“Right,” she responded, leaning against the railing. “How long do you think that’ll take?”

“I’ve heard the sounds of a mutiny.”

“You got your work cut out for you,” she smirked, knowing that this was – officially – the very first time that Scooter had been completely in charge. There were few and far in between times in which Kermit took any type of time off or a vacation, usually scheduling them around the times that the show was on hiatus. In this event, there was no way around the guest spot he and Fozzie were set to do, nor did the frog think this was a particularly good time for him to cut out on his family, especially when it seemed that trouble times were on the horizon down home.

Kermit would never outwardly admit it, but in the years since Scooter had gone from gofer to assistant to full stage manager and production assistant, the frog had practically trained the younger Muppet to take over for him in the case he was unable to handle show duties; he had done it before. Scooter was often the person Kermit went to for hosting duties, even when he could have easily turned to one of the others who had no trouble stepping into the spot light. It was all part and parcel in moving the redhead into a position that, should Kermit – heaven forbid – ever retire, he had someone he could trust to run things.

“I always do,” came the retort. Turning back to the penguin, he said, “Cheesy, come on. Petey’s got every right to bust you for what you did. I mean, that was his sandwich, man, not to mention his sister…”

Whatever weird response that sentence was going to get, Piggy missed out, as she managed to spot the members of the orchestra heading back stage, with many of them going home in protest.

“Nigel’s on a rant!”

“Nigel is a rat!”

“Not rat, rant!”

“He is completely bringing down the mellow of the morning.”

“I am on strike! Totally, officially on strike.”

“Hear that, Nigel!? We’re striking!”

“I take it the natives have gotten restless?” the diva asked, as musicians started walking past and out the door.

“Like, union rules and all that,” Janice mentioned, stopping near the staircase. “The brass section is striking or that’s what they’re saying.”

“The same can be said for the violin section, the woodwinds, and the percussion,” Rowlf retorted.

“Did I hear something about a strike?”

“Yes,” the trio answered.

“Any idea if this can be squashed before Kermit comes back?” asked the stage manager, hopefully.

“Whatever plan you decide with certainly be met with the determination, imagination, and habileté that you have always been known for.”

The redhead couldn’t help but smile widely at the compliment, even if he didn’t understand what that last meant. “Yeah,” he said, nodding. “Yeah, I can handle this. Kermit and I handle strikes all the time, this is no different. Yeah…I got this.” And with that, the manager went off to battle the forces – and fallout – from that of Nigel’s rampage.

“You’ve created a monster,” Rowlf joked. “You know this, right?”

“The frog created him,” Piggy retorted. “I just enable. Anyway, you two done? We got a party to go to.”

“You managed to get us in?” Janice asked.

Piggy stumbled a bit, but finally answered, “Sure. Don’t worry, I’ll get us in.”

“For some reason,” the pianist murmured. “That doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence.”


[hr]


Four hours earlier

With instructions to be dressed in their best, the trio headed off to their separate homes and did exactly that, and awaited the final hour to head out. Once the darkness had settled over the city, Piggy – dressed casually in a black business suit with matching fedora – headed out in the sporty green sports car she had gotten for Kermit, who incidentally never drove it, and headed out to the address she had gotten from her fabulous tailor.

She had been very detailed to both of her companions that they arrive separately, in the case they got caught and kicked out of said party or worse, got arrested for attending a private party that they had not been invited to. Both she and Rowlf had been in the stony lonesome more times than they had wanted to admit and having the frog and bear come back to bail them out, again, was not something they wanted to experience. Again.

West Hollywood was just a short hop from Beverly Hills, however on a Friday night the normally seven minute drive could sometimes take a bit longer, thanks to traffic. This was exactly what Piggy had been hoping for; it meant that the three could arrive separately, though they would need to enter together just to make it random, or at least look random to those who were checking. Nearly twenty minutes later, Piggy was pulling alongside a curb that was about half a block away; she immediately sent texts to both Janice and Rowlf, curious about their ETA and where they were.

Not surprisingly, the two had done the same thing – parked in an area near the party, far away as to not be noticed, but close enough so that they could get away if needed. Texting to the two to meet her at the corner of Romaine and Laurel, Piggy left the car, locked it, and checked the area to make sure no one was out and being noisy. The neighborhood was incredibly quiet for a Friday, but that was to be expected if people were out and about and not at home or were spending a quiet evening inside. The Muppet trio quickly met up and headed towards the party.

Heading up Laurel, Piggy did a quick rundown on party etiquette, which included not hearing what Rowlf and Janice had decided on for their names getting in; though they would arrive together, it was the utmost importance that it seemed as though they had just met while walking to the party. It was a conceivable lie, made even better when they would reach the door and hoped on getting in; that was where the diva came in. As always, she was prepared in the case that their names weren’t on the list and as new found friends were wont to do, she would vouch for the two strangers that she had met on the way.

The fourth house on the right hand side was where the activity was, as shown by the cars that were parked outside. Unlike a large celebrity party, this one celebrating one Dr. Martin Milan was a small affair with enough people to be inside and have catered by one of the best restaurants in town. As expected, there was a large man standing outside the door who looked to be taking names of all those occupants who were arriving. “Alright cats,” Piggy whispered, as they walked up the steps. “Let’s play this cool.”

“Like a cucumber,” murmured Janice, as the two followed Rowlf, letting the dog take the lead.

“I didn’t think old Martin would require a guest list,” he chuckled, nodding to the clipboard that the guard held in his hand.

“It’s just to get the names of everyone who attended tonight,” the man answered. “Dr. Milan likes to send out thank yous to all his guests and readers. Your name?”

“Bennett,” he said. “Rolwfinton Bennett, the third. Martin and I go way back, to our university days when he was an intern and I just a humble resident.”

“Oh!” the man gasped. “Is it doctor then? As in Dr. Bennett?”

Pausing only for a second, Rowlf nodded and said, “You could say that.”

“It’s always a pleasure meeting another doctor,” the guard replied, nodding to the dog. “Please come in and welcome.”

Smiling, Rowlf nodded to the ladies standing behind him and started walking towards the door, though he did manage to hang back as to wait for them.

Janice was next and in a very aristocratic voice, she replied, “Ambrosia. Just Ambrosia. Dr. Milan is a personal friend of mine.”
“Of course, ma’am,” the guard said. “Welcome.”

With an air of superiority, Janice walked past the guard to stand by Rowlf, and they waited for their third accomplice to be let in. Never let it be known that Miss Piggy didn’t put her all in any and everything that she ever did and that included pretending to be someone else; the pig was a professional and knew that appearance could be everything, especially in a case where selling it completely and confidently was dependent on what would happen if it succeeded or failed.

That was why Miss Piggy walked up to the guard, as she would any attractive man, and peddled her part like the expert sales woman she was.

“Name?”

“Neil Patrick Harris.”

Guard, dog, and guitarist all stared incredulously at her. “Excuse me?” the man asked.

Chuckling seductively, Piggy leaned in closer. “Disguise, you know,” she whispered. “Can’t really let people see me out and about. Besides,” she continued, placing a hand on his arm. “There are times where one needs to…be themselves, in a society that looks down on them, in contempt and utter disgrace.”

The guard nodded, “I know what you mean,” he said. “Mr. Harris, it’s a pleasure, certainly. I’ve seen every time you’ve hosted the Tonys and the Oscars. You are a one man wrecking crew. Inspiring.”

“Thank you, lovey,” she said. “I’m sorry, so rude. I didn’t catch your name.”

“It’s Malcom.”

“Malcom,” she purred. “Such a lovely name. I can count on you for…discretion?”

Caught in the hopeless gaze that most men found themselves in when staring into those big, pretty blue eyes, Malcom just nodded slowly. “Of course,” he whispered. “Of the highest, your secret is definitely safe. I’ll just put down…Nell Porter on the list here.”

“Darling,” she cooed. “Remind me to buy you a drink later.”

Leaving the poor, unknowing Malcom still drooling by the door, Piggy passed by her companions to walk through the door, both of them following, dazed, in her wake. “I can’t believe you did that!” Janice whispered, urgently.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Rowlf stated, surprised.


“Confidence, children,” the diva explained. “And Moi has plenty of it. Now, go run off and make some new friends. We’ll meet by the food table in about thirty. Right? Right, let’s go.”

 

[AlittleMayhem]

I honestly had to stop reading to laugh out loud at Piggy's name choice for the party and I'm still grinning! Thanks for that!

 

[WebMistressGina]

I honestly had to stop reading to laugh out loud at Piggy's name choice for the party and I'm still grinning! Thanks for that!

That's what inspired this in the first place. I wanted to do a Mup Adventure that featured the Vet's crew, but not in a typical sketch and the idea of them crashing a party entered my head. And that very scene, where Piggy declares herself NPH, immediately entered my head.

And no worries - there is a sequel in which NPH confronts the diva and hilarity ensues

 

[The Count]

Brilliant as always. You get points for continuing the link between the diva and her long-standing tailor de confidance.
Wants to know more about Cheesy and Petey and that sandwich, and his sister.
Strike! Strike! *Rolls bowling ball knocking Muppets in the band over. Strike!
*Laughs at the fake names for all involved.
You're starting to rully improve on the divaness effect Piggy has on others, I appreciate that little bit with her Malcolm.

Ah, Mr. Kermit, we took a vote and we decided that celebrities are not people.
(You knew I had to add that. )

 

[Twisted Tails]

That's what inspired this in the first place. I wanted to do a Mup Adventure that featured the Vet's crew, but not in a typical sketch and the idea of them crashing a party entered my head. And that very scene, where Piggy declares herself NPH, immediately entered my head.

And no worries - there is a sequel in which NPH confronts the diva and hilarity ensues

So, NPH refers to Neil Patrick Harris. Hmmmm! I wonder what Miss Piggy has up her sleeve when NPH shows up.