Stranger Than Muppet Fan-Fiction Presents "Who Ya Gonna Call?"

[doozersticks]

good stuff muppet writer...

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Two​

It was a clear and sunny afternoon over the city of Manhattan, as Jessica and Stephanie walked past the ticket booth of the Muppet Theatre, after arriving in a taxicab. Zimmermann seemed more anxious about what awaited them inside the building than Lauren (now fully clothed, of course) had. All that had been running through Jessica’s mind at the time was how insulted she felt when Yeager had kicked them out of their office at the university. What she really wanted to do that moment was go home, kick back, and have a nice cup of coffee while watching an episode of House, but that seemed like an impossible task with her friend and colleague tagging her along on a wild goose chase.

“Steph, as your friend I have to tell you I think you’ve really gone around the bend on this ghost crap.” Jessica said. “You’ve been running your butt off for two years checking out every schizoid in the Five Boroughs who thinks he’s had an experience. And what have you seen?”

“Define ‘seen’.” Stephanie requested.

“Seen: ‘the ability for one to actually see something with his or her eyes’.” Jessica mocked. “Was that ‘Webster’ enough for ya?”

“Well, I was at an unexplained multiple, high-altitude rock fall once.” Stephanie replied.

“Uh-huh.” Jessica remarked. “I think you’ve been spending too much time with Christina.”

Walking into the theater, the first thing Stephanie and Jessica noticed upon their arrival was the sight of 21-year-old, bespectacled Christina Renee listening to a table on stage, using a stethoscope connected to stereo earphones. If it were not for Christina, Jessica would not have gotten through graduate school. She was incredibly intelligent but amazingly dense at the same time.

“I should’ve corrected myself when I told Yeager that she was one of the most brilliant minds of this planet.” Jessica uttered, while coming onstage behind Christina and tapping on the table to get her attention. “Christina?” She heard the tapping and believed she made contact with the spirit world. “Christina!” Jessica then slammed a heavy book down on the table, causing Christina to jump at the deafening noise in her earphones. She turned her head and noticed her two colleagues standing right behind her.

“Good. You’re here.” Christina said. “This is big, girls. This is very big. There’s definitely something here.”

“This wouldn’t be bigger than the time you tried to electrocute yourself in order to have that out-of-body experience, would it?” Jessica asked. “You remember that?”

“That would’ve worked, if you hadn’t stopped me from dropping the toaster in the bathtub.” Christina responded.

At that moment, Kermit the Frog and Scooter approached the three female scientists with much enthusiasm (and a little bit of fear). Scooter, upon seeing his college professor, was the first to step up and say, “Welcome to the Muppet Theatre, Dr. Zimmermann.”

Stephanie, knowing that Scooter had worked at the Muppet Theatre while off campus, smiled and remarked, “Hi, Scoot. Good to see ya again.”

“Are these the women you were telling me would help us out with our…uh…‘situation’, Scooter?” Kermit whispered to the gofer.

“Oh, yeah, boss.” Scooter replied. “Most definitely. They’re huge experts on the paranormal.”

“Well, in that case,” Kermit said before extending out his hand to the three scientists, “Welcome to what probably is one of the strangest days we’ve had here at the Muppet Theatre…and that’s saying something in our case.”

“It’s an honor meetin’ ya, Kerm.” Jessica said, while motioning to her colleagues. “This is Dr. Zimmermann, Dr. Renee, and I’m Dr. Lauren.”

Kermit swallowed hard. “Uh, thank you for coming. Not to sound pushy, but I’d appreciate it if we could take care of this quietly and quickly. We’re supposed to be having a show tonight with our special guest, Dan Aykroyd.”

“One thing at a time.” Jessica stated. “We don’t even know what it is yet.” She looked straight ahead of them to see a young Colombian woman (seventeen years of age) with black hair, dark brown eyes, and a slender build lying on a table, while a tall African American man (twenty-one years of age) stood over her along with Gonzo the Great, Fozzie the Bear, and a few other Muppet stars.

The group walked over to them, just as the young woman began explaining everything to everyone while a Paramedic treated her for shock. “I don’t remember any legs, but it definitely had arms, because it reached for me.”

“Arms?” Stephanie said with much enthusiasm. “Man! I can’t wait to get a look at this thing!”

“Hey, my girlfriend is in shock here, woman!” The man exclaimed. “Why don’t you show some respect!”

Stephanie head hung low and her level of enthusiasm quickly dropped. “Sorry,” she said, while Jessica looked up and down at the man, detecting his no-nonsense type of attitude right off the bat (not to mention his stunning good looks).

“Who’d you be?” she asked him.

“I’m Sean Thomas.” The man remarked, slowly calming himself down. “I’m a backstage handler here, and my girlfriend, Claudia, she’s the curtain caller. She was downstairs in the prop room, when this…this…thing just jumped out of nowhere and attacked her!”

Jessica still felt a bit skeptical of the whole incident, but she didn’t want to let Thomas know that she was in front of him or Claudia, because it seemed as if the couple had suffered enough stress as it appeared. “Alright. Let’s just all take a deep breath and assess this situation.” Jessica suggested, before looking down in Claudia’s direction. “Now, Claudia, have you or any member of your family ever been diagnosed schizophrenic or mentally incompetent.”

“Excuse me?” Sean said, sounding very offended by Jessica’s question.

“This is basic procedure, sir.” She stated. “Just let me handle it.”

Claudia was a bit hesitant to answer Jessica’s question at first, but she allowed herself to speak freely, believing it would help calm her nerves. “Well…I have a cousin who thought he was Doctor Strange. Does that count?”

Jessica looked awkwardly at Stephanie for a moment and answered, “I’ll mark that down as a big ‘yes’,” she said before continuing on with another question. “Do you yourself habitually use drugs, stimulants, or alcohol?”

“Alright! Hold up!” Sean shouted. “It’s obvious you’re not a professional! You’re just some hick who thinks she is! Believe me, I know one when I see one, ‘cause I’m a Southerner myself! So just who in the h*ll do you think you are?”

“Hey! Back off, man!” Jessica retorted. “I’m a scientist!”

“Well, you sure don’t act or look like one!” Sean said.

“They’re usually kinda stiff.” Jessica remarked. “What’d you expect?”

“Someone who isn’t like a runway model.” Sean replied.

Jessica smirked at his comment, not certain whether to take it as an insult or a compliment. But she was leaning highly towards the latter. “Thanks,” she said.

Such an odd young woman, Sean thought, as he looked upon her with an awkward glance.

“It’s moving!” Someone exclaimed, and all heads turned in the direction of Christina Renee, who had been holding a handheld device known as a P.K.E. meter, used in locating and measuring Psycho Kinetic Energy. The device’s most prominent feature were winged arms that raised and lowered in relation to the amount of P.K.E. detected while a digital display gave an exact reading for the operator.

Stephanie and Jessica immediately follow Christina to the door leading into the Prop Basement, which was where her P.K.E. meter was telling her to go. Curiosity overcame others, and soon Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Rizzo, and Scooter were following after them. Sean started to make his own way towards the room, until Claudia quickly reached up and grabbed the sleeve of his black Muppet Show jacket and prevented him from taking another step.

“Sean! Please don’t go!” Claudia pleaded. “There was, like, some really messed up stuff down there, dude!”

Sean gently took her hand and slowly moved it away from his jacket sleeve, holding and caressing it momentarily. “Sweetie, relax. I’m only going to be gone for a couple of minutes,” Sean told her. “I just want to see what this thing is that scared you.” And as he let go of her hand and started walking off, he quietly muttered, “It’s probably just another result of leaving Ghost Hunters on while you’re asleep.”

Together, the group went downstairs to the dark and humid Prop Basement. They came slowly down a dark aisle with Christina leading, taking constant readings. The light of their own monitoring and recording equipment lighted their faces. The first thing they came across in the enormous area that had matched the length and width of the building’s structure was an area completely covered with yellow slime. Left to right, props from the set of Pigs in Space to the rubber tire that Gonzo was supposed to have eaten to the music of “Flight of the Bumblebee”, all covered in the yellow ooze.

“Yuck!” Fozzie exclaimed. “How did this all get on here?”

“It’s ectoplasm!” Gonzo cried. “It’s what ghosts trail when they’ve just passed through someplace.”

Rizzo took a whiff of some of the slime and nearly regurgitated. “Yeah, and it smells like da inside of a forty-year-old, uncleaned bathroom, too. Sheesh!”

“Jessica,” Christina uttered, while lifting a small cup in the air. “I need you to take a sample of this.”

Jessica passed by Stephanie, who had been taking photos of the entire mess, and approached Christina, taking the small sample cup from her hands. “Somebody blows their nose and ya’ll wanna keep it?”

“I just need it for an analysis.” Christina stated.

Jessica simply shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever floats your boat, girlfriend,” she said while scooping up some of the slime from sections of the area. Needless to say, the task was very uncomfortable for her, especially once she got some slime in her eye. “Oh, crap! That is so not right!” She did her best to wipe it out from there. But her attempts led her to accidentally get some slime on her free hand and feet. “D**n it! I got this crap all over me!”

“This way.” Christina stated, leading the group away from the area and to another section of the Prop Basement, while Jessica was still making desperate attempt to get the slime from her body.

“Renee,” she yelled. “Girl, I’m gonna kick your butt for makin’ me do this sick crap for you!” Once she was able to get some of the slime off of her, she regrouped with the others, handing Christina her cup back. “Here’s your mucus, you crazy tramp!”

Just as soon after Jessica handed her the cup, a tower of wooden crates tilted their way. Stephanie instantly spotted it and alerted her companions. “LOOK OUT!” They all suddenly dodged out of the way, as the crates came crashing down into a large splintery pile.

“T-That couldn’t have been a g-ghost…could it?” Kermit asked, obviously spooked.

“Someone just stacked them wrong.” Sean assumed. “Either that, or the wind might’ve blown them down.”

“I’m not feelin’ any wind in dis room, buddy.” Rizzo told Sean.

“Well, how the h*ll am I supposed to know what it might’ve been?” Sean said, and then he gestured to Stephanie, Jessica, and Christina. “Why not ask these so-called scientists over here?”

Before anything else could have been said, a loud beeping noise from the P.K.E. meter suddenly brought their attention, as its wings perked up and directed them to yet another portion of the Prop Basement. One by one, they came down a tightly winding, old iron staircase. All of them were clearly frightened—the humidity of the area getting to them greatly, forcing Scooter and Sean to take off their own jackets.

Christina looked at her meter and silently pointed at a dark aisle intersecting the one they were in. “It’s here,” she said, as the team inched toward it and stopped at the corner. They peeked around the corner and then noticed the oddest thing either of them had ever laid eyes on:

“Show me the way to go home, I’m tired and I wanna go to bed! I had a little drink about an hour ago, and it went straight to my head!”

Two creatures, Muppet-like but extremely grotesque and monstrous, were sitting on the floor in puddle of the yellow slime and drinking a bottle of brandy. One creature was large, red-eyed, green, and decked with rings, a crown with two horns protruding from it, a spiked bracelet, and a fuzzy robe. The other was small, gray, and hunchbacked and wore nothing more than worn-out rags. They both resembled crosses between a hog and a lizard.

“What the h*ll…?” Sean uttered.

“Gonzo, I think we found your cousins.” A wide-eyed Jessica uttered.

Fozzie looked cautiously at the two creatures, noting their bizarre features. “Are they…Muppets?”

“I…don’t think so.” Kermit bafflingly said.

“Claudia wasn’t lyin’.” Sean stated. “They’re real.”

“So…what do we do now?” Jessica asked.

“I don’t know.” Stephanie replied. “Why don’t you talk to them?”

Jessica nodded in agreement for a moment, but then began to hesitate. “What do I say?”

“Anything! Just make contact.” Stephanie urged.

Jessica took a deep breath and then stepped forward, addressing the two creatures. “Hello…uh…my name’s Jessica. What’s yours?”

The large, green creature looked her way and snorted a little before answering: “My name’s Ida Dont, and this is my pal, Givadamn.” The two creatures laughed hysterically over the green one’s joke, while Jessica seemed offended and impressed by the level of intelligence used to formulate the joke at the same time.

“Gotta remember that one.” She said.

Kermit cringed over the adult joke. “Yeah, definitely not Muppets.”

“Okay, so communication doesn’t seem to be the way to connect with these guys.” Jessica told her colleagues. “Got any other ideas?”

Stephanie and Christina stood there momentarily, both pretty much silent, until Stephanie spoke up in a sotto voice. “Okay. Okay. I’ve got it. I know what to do.” She said. “I’m gonna need everybody on this one. Alright?”

“Sure thing, Dr. Zimmermann.” Scooter acknowledged. “We’re all in this together.”

“Okay. Stay close to me.” Stephanie said, before she started moving closer to the two creatures, while the others edged closer, fighting their fears. They stopped just a few feet from the two. “Okay, now do exactly as I say. Everybody ready?”

“Ready.” The others replied.

“Okay…” Stephanie quietly uttered, just before she abruptly shouted, “GET ‘EM!”

Stephanie leaped at the two creatures, and the others jumped reflexively at the same time. All of the sudden, a loud belch erupted from the mouths of the two creatures, blasting the mortals with a rust of hot, foul breath. Reacting to the smell and the force of the air pushing them back, the mortals screamed and rushed out of the area.

“Ohhh…now that hit the spot!” The large, green creature said.

A moment later, the group had busted through the doors of the Prop Basement, both terrified and exhilarated by their first real contact with the supernatural. As soon as they were all out, Claudia jumped in shock from the table and approached Sean, who was sweating profusely and totally out of breath. “Did you see it? What was it?” she asked.

“We all gotta get out of here!” Sean exclaimed. “Get back to the Hotel, while we still have what’s left of our lives!”

“Round up everybody!” Kermit frantically shouted. “Tell ‘em to meet up there! We’re not stayin’ in this theatre another minute!”

While the crew of the Muppet Theatre were gathering their things and heading out through the front door, the three female scientists were already way ahead of them, dashing out of the theatre the moment they had left the Prop Basement. Only hours later had they stopped running and started walking through Central Park. Christina was making rapid calculations, as Jessica and Stephanie argued.

“Get ‘em? That was your whole plan?” Jessica said, seemingly steamed. “You call that scientific?”

“I guess I got a little overexcited, okay?” Stephanie remarked. “But wasn’t it incredible?”

“I wouldn’t say the experience was completely wasted.” Christina said, consulting her mini-computer. “Based on these new readings, I think we have an excellent chance of actually catching a ghost and holding it indefinitely.”

Jessica stopped dead in her tracks, stunned by the news. Stephanie continued walking along with Christina as she excitedly remarked, “Then we were right! And if the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, I think we could really kick @**…in a spiritual sense.”

Lauren was able to catch up with them again and ask, “Renee, are you serious about actually catching a ghost?”
“I’m always serious.” Christina replied.

“With this type of knowledge at our disposal, maybe they’ll let us back in Columbia.” Stephanie assumed. “I mean, this is a breakthrough. A major discovery.”

Jessica snickered at her colleague. “You’re always so worried about your reputation. We don’t need the University. Einstein did his best stuff while he was working as a patent clerk.”

“Do you know what a patent clerk makes?” Stephanie retorted. “I liked the University. They gave us money, they gave us the facilities…”

“They gave us one sweet intern that I could’ve some hot, steamy sex with right in my…” Jessica stopped as soon as she heard Christina clearing her throat. “I’m sorry…continue…”

“All I’m sayin’ is, I’ve worked in the private sector. They expect results.” Stephanie told Jessica. “You’ve never been out of college. You don’t know what it’s like out there.”

“Yeah, I do.” Jessica contradicted. “Remember that time we all took modeling jobs during our third semester together? Our butts got paid a hefty sum just for sticking them out in front of a camera lens.” Stephanie and Christina shook their heads (possibly to shake the memory out of them). “Let me tell you girls something. Everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of there.”

“For what purpose?” Christina inquired.

“To go into business for ourselves.” Jessica said with great conviction.

Stephanie and Christina exchanged glances, both instantly intrigued by the idea. What more did they have to lose? They no longer had the University to depend on. And that one fact was what brought Stephanie back down to reality on the whole notion.

“I don’t know, Jess.” She said. “That costs money.”

“And the ecto-containment system we have in mind will require a load of bread to capitalize.” Christina added. “Where would we get the money, Jessica?”

Jessica stood there for a moment and shook her head negatively. “I don’t know,” she uttered. “Let me get back to ya on that in the next chapter.”

END OF CHAPTER TWO​

 

[JEANYLASER]

awesome work Muppetwriter! the Best Fan-Fiction writer!

 

[The Count]

So... The "entities" for lack of a better term in the Muppet theater... Was thinking they were Plubis and Scred, but I guess that's not quite completely correct. Got chills when hearing Jessica utter those classic lines. You're doing a great job with it all, and I have to confess I'm infatuated with her character but want to learn more as the story progresses before making a definitive conclusion on her or the other marvelous members of the team. So uh... More please?

*Stuffs earplugs for when sis finds and reads this chapter.

 

[muppetwriter]

You're right, Count. It was Ploobis and Scred. They're the cameos from Saturday Night Live that I was talking about. Originally, I had intended on it being Ploobis and Vazh in a very sensual scene that would've been "TOO MARVELOUS" to post on the forum. In fact, it'd still be too marvelous to show even for the "TOO MARVELOUS" version.

I'm going to wait until Claudia reads the second chapter before I post the third one today, because I'd love to see...I mean read her view.

 

[redBoobergurl]

I just had to take the time to comment that I'm really hooked on this one so far Sean. I have always enjoyed the Ghostbusters movies so this one was of particular interest to me and so far you have not disappointed! I might not always stop to comment, but I am reading and very much enjoying!

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

*Comes in in a pirate suit*
*Has a dead parrot hanging over her shoulder*
*Cuddles her lollipop* X3 Mmmm

Ye forced me to tell yeh a tale.
A tale of a wench and a writer.

The wench read his story.
The story touched her in sucha way that made her shriek in delight, yaarr.
Due to the sudden happiness that filled her little heart...
she be no longer a wench..
But a happy-daughter-of-a...*Bleep*

Namely, she be back to her normal form.
Yaarr! She is now...

The nutty fruitcake :3 who waits for the next chapter.

*Four-cornered hat falls off*

;_; AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*SNIFFLE* MY HAT FELL! XP

 

[The Count]

*Wind blows hat back on Squeeky's head. *Voices in the wind urge her to update her stories like Nora and Dead Men...

 

[doozersticks]

this fiction is really enjoyable...

 

[muppetwriter]

*enjoys reading Claudia's comment* Okay. As promised, here is the next chapter.

Chapter Three​

In the midst of Downtown Manhattan stood an abandoned brick, four-story fire station built by the city around the turn of the twentieth century. It bore a coat of faded red paint and legend above the garage door in chipped gilt letters that read, “Engine Company #93.” Jessica stood in the white-tiled garage bay with a middle-aged real estate woman wearing a blazer.

“Besides this, you’ve got another substantial work area on the ground floor, office space, sleeping quarters and showers on the next floor, and you have a full kitchen on the top level.” The real estate woman explained. “It’s ten thousand square feet total.”

“It’s nine thousand six hundred and forty-two point fifty-five square feet, ma’am.” Christina corrected, coming out of the office area with a pocket calculator.

Frowning at Christina, the realtor remarked, “Who’s she? Your accountant?”

“Close. She’s one of my partners.” Jessica said with a grin. “What do you think, Christy?”

“This building makes the Happiness Hotel look like Cinderella’s Castle in Disney World.” Christina replied. “I think it should be condemned. There’s serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it’s completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.”

Jessica and the realtor stood perplexed by Christina’s words, which they only could’ve accepted as harsh beyond capacity. “Okay,” Jessica uttered, “So I take it that the bathrooms here could use a woman’s touch?”

Before Christina could even answer, a voice spoke up from above them. “Hey!” They all looked up past a shiny brass fire pole and through a large, well-crafted, circular hole to see Stephanie standing right beside it. “Does this pole still work?” Before she could give anyone the chance to clarify whether if it had or not, she slid down it with great ease and ended up right in the garage with Jessica, Christina, and the realtor.

“I take it that it does work.” Jessica said with sarcasm.

“This place is really great!” Stephanie exclaimed. “When do we move in? Ya’ll have got to try this freakin’ pole! I’m gonna get my stuff!” She dashed away from the group and up the stairs, only to stop briefly and look right back at them. “We should stay here! Tonight! Sleep here! Ya know? Try it out?”

“I don’t know…it just seems kinda ‘pricey’ for a fixer-upper, don’t ya think?” Jessica said. “We’re just tryin’ to keep our costs down. You know how it is when you’re starting a new company.”

“What are you calling your business?” The realtor inquired.

“Ghostbusters.” Stephanie remarked.

“Oh, well, this place is perfect for it.”

Jessica gazed at the realtor for a moment and then towards Stephanie, who was excitedly nodding her head for her to say “Yes” to the idea. She then looked towards Christina, who was slowly shaking her head for her to say “No” to it. Feeling as if she was at a crossroads, Jessica calmly turned to the realtor and said, “I think we’ll take it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Not a single soul in the Foster’s mansion dared go near the room of Frankie Foster, as the fourth week of her quarantine approached. Several of the friends living there passed by the closed doorway with great concern, fearing that their resident housekeeper had finally hit rock bottom. Out of everyone in the house, the only one who had not taken Frankie’s sanity into consideration was Bloo, who was knocking hard on Frankie’s door, every time he needed something taking care of.

“Frankie! I know you’re in there, woman!” Bloo shouted. “C’mon! I need some lunch! I’m huuuuungry!”

As Bloo kept knocking and shouting every second, the most particular friends of the house (Wilt, Coco, and Eduardo) noticed him bothering the emotionally troubled Frankie, which they knew immediately was a horrible idea. “No, Bloo! That is not okay!” Wilt exclaimed. “Don’t bother Frankie right now. She’s been going through quite a bit lately.”

“She’s been goin’ through quite a bit everyday!” Bloo contradicted. “What makes today or the days of the past hundred weeks so different?”

“Because Senorita Frankie es going through a muy terrible breakdown.” Eduardo stated.

“Coco, coco, coco, co!” Coco added.

“Right.” Wilt said. “So just try not to bother her for the next week or so.”

“The next week or so?” Bloo remarked with shock. “Well, who the heck knows how long that would be?”

Wilt shook his head negatively. “It’s just not safe right now, Bloo. We have to be careful. We’re not sure what’s wrong with Frankie right now.”

“Well, I’m intending on finding out, one way or the other!” Bloo declared, before reaching up at the doorknob and opening the door to Frankie’s room. Wilt, Eduardo, and Coco reacted with fear, as they watched him open it, screaming “No!” as the door swung open and let out an intense beam of white and red light that basked Bloo completely in it.

Bloo looked past the red/white hue that had shined all around him, squinting his eyes to see whatever it was that had been shooting out the beam of light. He was shocked to have seen what had appeared to be a gateway to another realm, a fiery path leading to a temple door. On each side of the door was a strange, snarling creature that could be best described as a “Terror Dog.” Their front claws were raised toward each other in a symbolic pose. The incredible vision was accompanied by the unearthly chanting.

Bloo stood where he was, transfixed by horror, the flames reflecting in his eyes. “Fr…Fr…Fr…Fr…Frank…Frankie?”

The chanting got more frenetic and ominous, as the temple doors slowly began to open. One of the Terror Dogs suddenly spoke, whispering loudly and hoarsely, “ZUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLL!”

It never even occurred to Bloo that he was screaming, as he had slammed the door to Frankie’s room and ran towards Wilt, Eduardo, and Coco. “Bloo, what’s wrong?” Wilt asked him. “What did you see? Is Frankie alright?”

Bloo never answered. He was so shaken by the vision that he continued screaming in horror, even as he rushed back into the room that he shared with his three friends, closing the door behind him and jumping into the bed. He draped the bed sheets over his small, frail body and trembled under them, his screams now muffled to anyone within or outside the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

The garage bay doors to the firehouse were opened, as two painters on scaffolding were making the finishing touches on the front of the structure in flat black paint. Jessica stood by and watched a carpenter hang a temporary sign over the door that read, “Ghostbusters.” She barely even noticed Scooter approaching her as she gazed upon it.

“You don’t think it’s too subtle, do ya?” She asked the carpenter. “You don’t think people are going to drive down and not see it, thinkin’ we’re a new Starbucks or somethin’, right?”

Scooter looked up at the sign and smiled with interest. “I think it looks great, Dr. Lauren. Not all business start off with something grand. I remember the time we first opened the Muppet Theatre with half of the seats ripped up with springs coming out of them.”

“Why, thank you. That’s very sweet of you to say.” Jessica remarked. “Who the h*ll are you again?”

“Oh, I’m Scooter. Remember? We met the other week at the theatre, when we ran into our ghost problem?”

It took Jessica a short while to remember the incident, and when she finally had, a smile crept across her face. “Oh, yeah. The little gofer dude. What up with ya?”

“Well, I came to see if Dr. Zimmermann was around.” Scooter replied. “My uncle had no choice but to close down the Theatre on account of all of the ghosts and goblins coming in there, haunting up the place. We’ve all been looking up job applications at the Hotel to find temporary replacements for the jobs we had before. And…”

“And you just happened to have seen our new commercial on television and want to sign up for a job here?” Jessica interjected. “Aww! Ain’t that sweet?”

“Uh…well, actually I just figured I could get a job at the University and checked with Dr. Zimmermann to see what they had.” Scooter said, and the smile on Jessica’s face quickly faded. “But you’re starting your own business here? That’s great! I could really use a job. That is, if you’re offering one.”

“Well, of course we are.” Jessica said, her smile returning as quickly as it had disappeared. “We could use all the help we can get in a business like this one.”

The loud blaring of a siren and the bright flash of emergency lights that shined in the corner of their eyes suddenly interrupted the conversation between the two. At first they thought an ambulance or fire truck was passing by. But once they turned their heads in the direction it was all coming from, they spotted a very long, old and gray 1959 Cadillac ambulance, being driven by Stephanie Zimmermann. The car had a battered look to it and rumbled noisily due to a broken muffler.

“Please tell me she got this piece of crap as a rental.” Jessica murmured.

Stephanie jumped out from the driver’s side of the vehicle with great enthusiasm and said, “Everybody can relax. I found the car. How do you like it?”

“If this is a car, then Fozzie’s Studebaker must be a spaceship.” Scooter commented.

“Well, I admit that it’s got some issues here and there.” Stephanie stated. “It might need some suspension work and shocks. Brakes, brake pads, lining, steering box, transmission, rear-end…”

“How much?” Jessica interrupted, the thought of the amount used to purchase such a wreck of a vehicle haunting her mind.

Stephanie’s voice shook a little as she cleared her throat and uttered the amount, “Uh…only four thousand eight hundred dollars.” And Jessica nearly collapsed to the ground. The only thing keeping her up other than gravity was the urge to wring Stephanie’s neck. But the shock of hearing the amount had paralyzed her body. “It, uh, might also need new rings, mufflers, and a little wiring.”

Scooter stepped on the front bumper and rocked it, causing it to wallow badly. “I think working with you all might not be so different than working with the Muppets.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

“Are you certain she said ‘Zuul’, Bloo?” Wilt asked. “She might’ve been saying ‘Zulu’.”

“Sí,” Eduardo agreed. “Or it might’ve been Spanish. Ya know? Like how I’m always calling you ‘Azul’.”

“Coco.” Coco added.

“NO!” Bloo screamed in a mixture of frustration and fear. “It was Zuul! ZUUL! Not ‘Zulu’ or ‘Azul’ or ‘Coco’! Zuul!”

Wilt raised his hands up in protest. “Okay. Okay. Calm down, Bloo. We believe what you heard. But what you saw is a completely different story.”

“No, no! We’re in the same story here! Try to keep up, Wilt! It’s Chapter Three, not Chapter Fourteen!” Bloo exclaimed. “I saw what I saw! No joke, no prank, no kiddin’! I saw flames, a temple of doom, and two demon-lookin’ dogs! Who could make up weird stuff like that?”

“You!” A voice spoke from near the group, and they looked towards the doorway of the bedroom to see Mac standing there, with a sarcastic expression on his face. “You make up all sorts of silly stuff, Bloo…all the time. How’s this any different from all the other pranks you’d pulled in the past?”

“Because it’s for real, I tell ya!” Bloo shouted, jumping off the bed and walking towards Mac. But instead of walking up to him, he walked past him and out the door, heading down the hallway. “And I am going to prove it!”

Mac followed Bloo out of the room along with Wilt, Coco, and Eduardo, moving with him down the hallway and into the Arcade Room, where other friends were watching episodes of The Muppet Show on television. “Bloo, how are you going to prove what you saw? Every time you come up with proof of something, it turns out to be just as outlandish as what you’re proving it for.”

“Nuh-uh!” Bloo contradicted. “Remember Uncle Pockets? I proved that he was hiding something all along!”

“But, Bloo, you tried to prove that he was an evil imaginary friend bent on taking over the house.” Wilt stated.

“And your point?” Bloo remarked.

Mac just shook his head negatively as he said, “Listen, Bloo…I’m saying this not as your creator or your friend, but as your conscience. Please stop this before…”

“THERE!” Bloo yelled, nearly scaring the life out of Mac and everyone else in the room, as he pointed towards the television set, which had a strange image on the screen that soon caught everyone’s attention.

On the television screen, two Muppet whatnot children (a boy and a girl) were asleep in their bedroom when suddenly supernatural moaning and groaning awakened them. They screamed and jumped out bed, while their Muppet whatnot mother and Muppet whatnot father rushed in to find the children cowering against the wall.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” The Father asked.

“Look!” The kids screamed, pointing to the closet, just as a Muppet ghost (another whatnot wearing a white sheet over his body) popped out from it, nearly tripping over himself in the process, and let out a ghostly howl.

The whatnot mother turned to the whatnot father and said, “Oh, dear. It’s that darn ghost again. Can’t you do something about it?”

“I’ve tried everything, honey!” The father helplessly said. “I guess we’ll just have to move.”

The mother and the kids looked at him with disappointment. “Gee, there must be another way.”

At this point in the commercial, Stephanie Zimmermann stepped in the foreground, her head nearly cut out of the frame due to the size difference between her and the Muppet actors. “Are you troubled by strange noises in the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or your family actually seen a spook, specter, or ghost? If the answer is yes, then don’t wait another minute. Just pick up the phone and call the professionals: Ghostbusters!”

The scene abruptly switched from the bedroom to the interior of the firehouse in a second. Jessica, Stephanie, and Christina were standing in front of the Ghostbusters’ sign. Christina stepped forward and said, “Our courteous and efficient staff is on call twenty-four hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs.”

In the reception area, Miss Piggy (not playing a secretary, but the actual secretary for the Ghostbusters) was seen answering the telephone with a big fake smile on her face. “Ghostbusters. We’ll be right there. Kissy, kissy!” she said in a cheery tone.

Back in the children’s bedroom, Christina was taking P.K.E. readings along the baseboards, while Stephanie popped up from under the bed and smiled proudly. “Got him! I don’t think ya’ll have any more trouble with that ghost!” she exclaimed.

They all looked pleased as punch as Jessica handed the father a bill. The whatnot father looked at the total and said, “And it’s economical, too!”

“How can we ever thank you nice, young people?” The mother asked.

“All in a day’s work, ma’am.” Jessica said with a big, cheesy smile. “After all…we’re Ghostbusters.” On her last few lines, she turned to the camera and winked.

The scene switched to the “front door” of the family’s “house,” as the family waved goodbye to the Ghostbusters and sang in a tune that was straight out of the 50s: “If you have ghost, but you don’t want to play host. You can’t sleep at all, so who do you call…Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters!”

Jessica, Stephanie, and Christina smiled at the camera as a phone number was displayed across the bottom of the screen. The three women then said in unison, “We’re ready to believe you!”

It was silent for quite a while inside the Arcade Room, in the aftermath of all the imaginary friends watching the bizarre commercial. But soon the room suddenly filled with uncontrollable laughter, as all of the friends were either on their backs, sitting up and slapping their knees, or standing and holding their guts.

“Oh, man! I’m sorry, but that’s the funniest thing since Mr. Herriman’s ‘Funny Bunny’ dance!” Wilt commented.

“Sí, that was muy estúpido!” Eduardo exclaimed.

“Coco! Coco!” Coco uttered between chuckles.

“Yeah, Bloo,” Mac said while trying to compose himself, “Those people are even crazier than you.” After Mac was able to stop laughing long enough to address Bloo, he realized that his imaginary friend was gone from the room, undoubtedly heading to the Ghostbusters’ firehouse and going to them on his little “problem.” “Oh, no!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Moments later, Bloo was sitting inside that particular firehouse, hooked up to a lie detector. Christina was monitoring the readout and videotaping the interview. Jessica, Stephanie, and Scooter were listening intently, waiting for Bloo’s assessment of his experience.

“I think something in Frankie’s room got her and is trying to get the rest of us.” Bloo stated.

Jessica stared at him, trying to make sense of his last statement. “What do you think, Christina?”

“He’s telling the truth.” Christina replied, while checking the polygraph. “Or at least he thinks he is.”

“Well, of course I’m tellin’ the truth, lady!” Bloo defensively shouted. “Why would anyone make up a thing like that?” After asking that question, Bloo looked around sheepishly, hoping neither of the people in that room would suspect anything just by looking at him.

“Hey, hey, relax, little fella.” Stephanie told him. “We’re not judgin’ ya. We’re just being a little careful, ya know?”

“Yeah, some people like the attention.” Jessica said. “Some people are just nutballs who think they’re smart or somethin’. And I personally just cannot stand people like that!”

Bloo chuckled nervously at the tension in Jessica’s voice as she made that last remark. “Y-Yeah…annoys the heck outta ya, doesn’t it?”

“You know, this could be a past life experience, intruding the present.” Scooter assessed.

“Or even a race memory, stored in the collective unconscious.” Christina assumed. “And I wouldn’t rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either.”

“Why don’t we check out the building?” Stephanie suggested. “It may have a history of psychic disturbance.”

“Good idea, Steph.” Jessica commented, before turning back to Bloo. “Were any other words spoken that you remember?”

“No,” Bloo uttered. “Just that one word: ‘Zuul’. But I have no idea what it means.”

“I can see if I can find the word ‘Zuul’ in Tobin’s Spirit Guide.” Scooter offered. “I’m certain they have plenty of information about it in there.”

Listening to Scooter, Jessica and Stephanie looked to each other and smiled, both having the same perfect idea. “Scoot, why don’t you go with Bloo to the mansion and check it out?” Stephanie suggested.

Scooter couldn’t help but to feel a little excited. “Really? Y-You want me to go on an actual investigation?”

“Yeah, why not?” Jessica said. “I’ll even come with ya and monitor your progress. That way I can let the girls know how well you’re doin’ on your first day.”

“That’ll be marvelous, Dr. Lauren!” Scooter gleefully remarked.

“Please, call me Jess…no wait…keep callin’ me Dr. Lauren. I just like the sound of that.”

END OF CHAPTER THREE​