Stranger Than Muppet Fan-Fiction Presents "Who Ya Gonna Call?"

[The Count]

Hmmm... Found it interesting that you introduced the commercial from Ghostbusters 2 here. Also intrigued by Piggy in the role of Janine. Looks like Scoot's on the trail of a major entity. Hope his search won't take long and the next chapter gets posted soonish.

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Four​

Scooter, Bloo, and Jessica slowly entered through the front door of the Foster’s mansion. Leading the way, Bloo could not help but to imagine the unnatural thing in Frankie’s room, even as he looked up the flight of stairs that led to two separate wings of the house. As soon as they were in the center of the foyer, Wilt, Coco, Eduardo, and a furious Mac greeted them.

“Bloo! Why did you sneak off like that and left the house all on your own?” Mac exclaimed. “This is New York City, something horrible could’ve happened to you! You could’ve been kidnapped, you could’ve been hurt, you could’ve been…”

“Mac, relax!” Bloo interjected. “I went out and I got the Ghostbusters to help us with our problem.”

The eyes of Mac, Wilt, Coco, and Eduardo were directed towards the two figures standing by Bloo’s side: the orange, bespectacled Muppet and the young, blue-eyed brunette wearing low rider blue jeans, a red sweater, and brown leather jacket. They instantly recognized the two youths (Scooter from his gofer position at the Muppet Theatre, and Jessica from the television commercial they watched moments ago).

“These are the Ghostbusters?” Wilt uttered, trying his best not to laugh while thinking of the abysmal commercial he saw. “Where’s their equipment?”

“Oh, we’re just here for routine investigation, not to catch anything.” Scooter answered, and Jessica smiled, thinking of how great of a response that was from the Muppet.

Mac folded his arms and gave the two a disbelieving look. “Well, you’ll be wasting your time, because there are not any ghosts around here.” He said. “Just lovable imaginary friends.”

Jessica had been looking all around the foyer, noting the interesting way it was decked up and how colorful the room seemed to have been. Her eyes met one particular door to her right with the letter “H” delicately painted over the doorway. She pointed to it and asked, “What’s in there?”

“Mr. Herriman’s room.” Wilt replied. “Trust us when we say that you do not want to go in there.”

“Why? Is he a ghost?” Scooter inquired.

“No, but he is spooky.” Bloo said. “But he’s not the reason why you guys are here. It’s Frankie’s room that you want to see.”

“Well, let’s check it out.” Scooter said, and Bloo led everyone upstairs to the room.

When they had arrived down the hallway, Jessica raised her hand up to stop them all in their tracks, seeming to take command of the situation. “Scoot, maybe you should stay back with everybody else. This might be a little too rowdy for ya.”

“I can handle it, Dr. Lauren.” Scooter said with great determination. “I signed up to take care of situations like this, and I want this opportunity. Please, let me do it.”

Jessica could see that determination in his eyes, which crept her out a little, seeing as how there was supposed to be no emotion whatsoever in those lenses he called “eyes.” It was one of the strangest secrets of the Muppets that she would never—in a million years—understand. But she understood how much he wanted to get in on the action at that moment.

She sighed before saying, “Alright, dude. Go on and handle your business.”

Scooter nodded in appreciation and then walked slowly towards the door to Frankie’s closed room. With mild trepidation he grasped the door handle, then suddenly jerked it open. He was caught by complete surprise as the handle came off in his hand.

“Whoa!” he cried.

“You okay, Scoot?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Scooter replied. “But I’m gonna need a credit card or something to jimmy the door open.”

As if on cue, Bloo reached behind him and pulled out a small, yellow card, approaching Scooter with it in his hand. “Here, use this.” He said, while Mac got a close look at the card, while it was being handed to Scooter.

“Is that my library card?” Mac asked.

Bloo looked around sheepishly as he slowly replied, “Uhhh…yeah?”

“I’ve been looking all over for that, and you’ve been using it as a slim-jim all this time?” Mac asked with frustration.

“Of course I haven’t!” Bloo exclaimed. “You can’t eat a library card, Mac! DUH!”

“Wait…what?” Mac uttered.

As the eight-year-old tried to make sense of his imaginary friend’s remark, Scooter proceeded in prying open the door to Frankie’s room with flawless succession. Bloo stood where he was, nervously watching the door. Finally, it opened, and the first thing to come out of Frankie’s room was not a intense hue of red and white light, but a ear-piercing scream.

“Oops!” Scooter shouted, as he quickly ran away from the doorway, just in time to avoid a tennis shoe that came flying out of the room and hitting the wall of the corridor.

The group stood there perplexed for a moment, until Frankie Foster suddenly stepped out from her room, wearing nothing both a bath towel that was wrapped around her wet, naked body and another wrapped around her wet hair. She picked up the tennis shoe that she had thrown across the air and pointed it at the others. “Can I for once get some privacy?” she asked.

Scooter looked extremely alarmed over the non-paranormal surprise, while Jessica’s head hung in a mixture of embarrassment, despair, and frustration. Meanwhile, Bloo was totally bewildered that Frankie and not some demonic dog had stepped out, rushing past her and gazing into the interior of her room. He didn’t see any temples, flames, or even dogs. All he saw was one messy room, with clothes scattered everywhere.

“WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?” Bloo yelled. “THIS WASN’T HERE BEFORE! I’VE BEEN TRICKED!”

“No, Bloo, we’ve been tricked.” Mac contradicted, motioning towards himself and the others. “Tricked by another one of your lame schemes!”

“It’s no scheme, Mac! Honestly, this was not how Frankie’s room looked before!” Bloo shouted. “There was a building or something with flames coming out of it, and there were dogs crawling around, and they were growling and snarling! And there were flames, and I heard a voice say ‘Zuul’!”

“Bloo, stop it!” Mac demanded. “You’re being a huge doofus and making Frankie look like a bigger one in front of everybody!”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Frankie asked him, with anger sensed in her voice.

Mac turned away from Bloo and looked at Frankie in nervousness, stuttering as he tried to come up with some understandable excuse. “I…uh…I only meant that…”

“Look, everybody just stay out of my room!” Frankie commanded. “I’m sick of being bothered all the time by you lam-os!” And with that being said, Frankie stormed back into her room, slamming the door behind her.

The others then looked at Bloo, glaring at him with furious eyes. Bloo only response in his defense was: “I SWEAR! IT WAS RIGHT THERE!”

“I’m gonna tell you kids a story,” Jessica said. “Once upon a time, there was a qualified psychologist. She got a degree and everything. Then one day, she got screwed over by the Board of Education and was left bein’ screwed over in the worst ways possible by Sid and Marty Kroff rejects from h*ll! THE END!”

“Well that was a lame story.” Bloo remarked. “There wasn’t any point to it!”

“The point is that I’m tryin’ to start a new career, and I’m left havin’ to deal with pranks from snotty little brats!” Jessica yelled.

“Hey! We are not snotty!” Bloo retorted, before wiping a bead of mucus from his upper lip. “I don’t need help from you people to prove that I saw what I saw! I can find help elsewhere! There are plenty of ghost hunters in this town!”

“Oh, really?” Mac said. “Name one.”

Bloo was just about to, until he stopped and had to think up a name. “Uhhh…Michael Jackson?”

Jessica shook her head in exasperation and placed a hand on Scooter’s shoulder. “C’mon, Scoot. Let’s get the h*ll outta here.”

While Scooter and Jessica were heading out of the hallway, Bloo continued to shout at them, raising a blue fist high in the air. “I guarantee it! I will find the right people for this job! You have not heard the last of me, Ghostbusters!”

“Bloo,” Mac said, “Knock it off.”

As soon as everyone began making their way out of the hall, the door to Frankie’s room creaked open and a blood red eye peeped out, followed by a large, dark gray, winkled and clawed paw that clutched onto the doorframe. “They haven’t suspected a thing, Master,” a deep, inhuman voice uttered from within the room. “Our plans are coming along smoothly.”

A deep, frightening cackle erupted from the room, right before the paw slithered back inside and the door had closed, shutting Frankie off from the outside world once again.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR​

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Five​

Disappointed and disgruntled, Jessica and Scooter return to the firehouse (a.k.a. “The Ghostbusters headquarters”), via a taxicab. As soon as they were inside and upstairs, they found Stephanie and Christina sitting at the kitchen table, both eating Chinese food from several take-out containers. Just as they entered Stephanie looked in their direction with a few noodles hanging from her mouth, and after sucking them up in her mouth, she asked, “How did the investigation go?”

“Let’s just say that I’m never intending on trusting another blue thing shaped like a thumb ever again.” Jessica answered.

Seeing how confused Stephanie and Christina were, Scooter then stepped up and said, “It turned out to be a false alarm.”

“A retarded prank is more like it!” Jessica angrily contradicted.

“You mean you didn’t see anything?” Christina inquired.

“Didn’t see anything. Didn’t get anything.” Jessica said. “Just left there looking like an idiot with a thumb up my butt.”

“I’m really sorry things didn’t turn out the way we hoped.” Scooter said with great disappointment. “My first supernatural investigation and it turns out to be a dud.”

“Aww, don’t blame yourself, Scoot.” Stephanie uttered, gently rubbing his back. “Things like this happen sometimes, when people refuse to believe.”

“I dunno, Dr. Zimmermann. I’m starting to worry.” Scooter said. “You said your graph was pointing to something big. You told me things were going to start popping.”

“They will.” Stephanie assured.

Jessica snickered sarcastically over Stephanie’s answer, while plucking a garlic shrimp from one of the Chinese food cartons. “If you can tell me when that might be, I can stop worry about when I’ll look like a complete jack@** again,” she said, before making a disgusted look after eating the garlic shrimp. “Man! I’ve had it with this crap! Anybody got any petty cash I can draw. I’m gonna stop by Burger King and grab somethin’.”

“Uhhh…this magnificent feast here that you’ve boldly called crap represents the last of the petty cash.” Stephanie told her, motioning over the Chinese food on the table.

Jessica could not believe what she just heard. They were on the brink of a very serious cash-flow problem, and she was sitting there complaining about a garlic shrimp. “Ahh! Screw it!” she exclaimed, before picking the shrimp back up and gulping it down as fast as she could to avoid the horrible taste on her tongue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

In the office on the first floor of the firehouse, Miss Piggy turned off the light at her desk, before packing up her purse and putting on her coat. “I had more exciting jobs than this…like working at a departure store with Joan Rivers,” Piggy murmured in frustration, and as she walked away from her desk, the phone suddenly rang. Sighing deeply, Piggy returned to her desk and answered the phone, not hesitating to let her frustrations of having a dull position at a dreary, temporary job come out into the receiver. “Yeah, Ghostbusters, whaddya want?” Listening to the questioning voice over the phone, Piggy was continuously frustrated as she answered, “Yeah, it is. Yes. Yes, of course they’re serious. Why else would they’ve started this stupid business?”

But as Piggy continued listening to the voice over the phone, her mood had drastically changed, going from completely unenthusiastic to totally intrigued.

“You’re kiddin’.” She said with a gruff tone, before talking in a lighter, friendly voice. “You do? You have? Well, uh…they’re out on another case now, but if you’ll give moi the address. Oh, don’t worry. They’ll be totally discreet. Thank you.” After hanging up the phone and writing down the address, Piggy shouted as high as she could, her gruff tone returning. “WE GOT ONE!”

Piggy hit an alarm button that caused a loud bell to ring frantically. Upstairs in the kitchen, the team heard it clearly and their heads shot up from their meals, looking to one another with an ecstatic look on their face.

“IT’S A CALL!” Stephanie yelled.

“Well, what’re we doin’ sittin’ here on our butts? Let’s move!” Jessica instructed, as they all shot up from the table and dashed towards the brass pole. They individually slid down into the garage bay area and ran up to each other’s lockers, reaching in and pulling out jumpsuits. Each of them scrambled into one, leading to much hopping on one leg and bumping into each other, and then pulled ghost-catching equipment off the racks.

Once they were all set and ready, the garage doors parted open and, in a blaze of light and screeching tires, the completely remodeled ambulance that Stephanie had purchased (and christened the name of “Ectomobile” or “Ecto-1”) squealed out and made a right turn. The vehicle had been painted ghostly white (no pun intended) and had been fitted with communication wafers and antennae. The lights had been upgraded with better red and blue strobes, and the siren had been altered to emit a low, unearthly moaning. It rounded the corner and headed up the West Side Highway.

Sirens blaring, the Ecto-1 had only moments later screeched up to the main entrance of a grand music observatory that was once the ancestral home of the Faffners (thus the reason why some call it “Faffner Hall”). Emblazoned on the doors of the vehicle was the Ghostbusters’ new logo. It was the international symbol of prohibition, a red circle with a diagonal red stroke across a ghost. People on the street stopped and gawked as Jessica, Stephanie, Christina, and Scooter leaped out of the car, opening up the rear door and removing their equipment.

Scooter couldn’t help but to notice some of the stares as they passed by. “You think they might mistaken us as terrorists?” he asked his new teammates. “We are carrying some dangerous weapons.”

“Let them think whatever they want.” Jessica said. “As long as we’re gettin’ paid, who really gives a d**n?”

As the Ghostbusters entered Faffner Hall, they quickly realized that there was actually something at the moment that was a lot stranger than them. Upon their entrance, they noticed many odd groups of penguins, monsters of many different shapes, sizes, and colors, and even one or two famous musicians like Bobby McFerrin and John Mayer. And even they couldn’t help but to turn and stare at their strange appearance.

The Ghostbusters wore matching beige jumpsuits with their last names (or in Scooter’s case, his first name) stitched in red letters on a black patch at the upper left portion of their chests. Strapped to their backs were their proton packs, and around the head of Stephanie Zimmermann were a pair of “Ecto-Goggles”, used to visually trace P.K.E. readings. With a few tests, Stephanie had proven their worth of helping its wearer see normally invisible ghosts and assisting in tracking ghosts within a visible field of search. Knee and elbow pads complete their strange outfits, along with pairs of black combat boots and gloves.

Scooter looked ill at ease and embarrassed by their outlandish getups, as the caretaker of Faffner Hall, a devilish-looking man named Farkas Faffner, descended on them. “It’s about time you got here!” Farkas exclaimed, sounding very agitated. “Everybody’s pestering me with dumb questions, and I’m running out of dumb answers.”

“Has this ever happened before?” Stephanie inquired.

“What? The fact that we’re being haunted by a ghost?” Farkas remarked, and then looked a bit sheepish as he then said, “W-Why would you ask a thing like that?”

“Did you ever report it to anyone?” Christina asked.

“Of course not!” Farkas snapped. “You’d think I’d want the men in the white suits coming after me with a straitjacket? I don’t even like talking about this! And I’m hoping that you people can take care of this quickly and quietly tonight!”

“Yes, sir. Don’t worry.” Scooter assured. “We handle this kind of thing all the time.”

As the Ghostbusters were heading toward the elevators, one of the residents of Faffner Hall, a man who went by the name of “The Wild Impresario,” came out from his quarters and stopped as soon as he had noticed the group, his eyes widening in amazement. “Wow. And I used to be part of a ‘Wild Bunch’!” Wild uttered, while approaching the Ghostbusters and forcing them to stop in their tracks as he observed their equipment. “Are you all new musicians? And are these your fabulous instruments?”

Jessica stared blankly at the character, before sharing bewildered expressions with her cohorts. “Uh…no…we’re exterminators,” she told Wild. “Somebody saw a cockroach on the twelfth floor, and we’re here to handle it.”

Wild looked up and down at Jessica, particularly noting the heavy proton pack on her back and the odd-looking particle thrower that was attached to it. “That’s gotta be some cockroach.”

“Bite your head off, man.” Jessica said.

It was then that Farkas suddenly appeared again, pushing “The Wild Impresario” out of the Ghostbusters’ way. “Don’t you have something better to do than bother with my solution to the problem that’s infecting this hall?”

“Is this all really necessary for one little cockroach?” Wild asked.

“It is not for a cockroach, you blithering idiot!” Farkas retorted. “We have a ghost in our midst, and it needs to be disposed of immediately.”

“Ghost?” Wild uttered. “Certainly you don’t plan on disposing of Fughetta Faf…”

One of Farkas’s hands instantly went to Wild’s mouth and covered it up, muffling the last thing he said. Farkas turned to the Ghostbusters and laughed nervously at them, while pretending to address Wild. “Why, whatever do you mean? The only ghost I know of is the little green one that is sliming everything in sight.”

Jessica rolled her eyes in despair. “Oh, God! Please, no! Not slime again!”

“If this task proves to be too difficult for you…” Farkas began, and Stephanie was quick to speak up in protest, sensing where he was going with his statement.

“Oh, no! No, sir! My colleague was only showing her…uh…wittiness over the thought of there being slime involved in this…er…assignment.” Jessica looked over at her and gave a stupefied expression, while Stephanie just winked for her to “play along.” “Yes, we’ve taken care of all types of slime in our career. Slime from a ghost, slime from a runny nose, slime from somebody’s…”

“I get the picture!” Farkas quickly interjected. “Now you get upstairs and take care of that ghost!”

“Yes, sir.” Stephanie acknowledged. “Right away, sir.”

The Ghostbusters went to the elevator that operated within the main room and climbed into one of them, heading up on the twelfth floor of the building. Needless to say the four of them were nervous as they rode up the elevator, especially Stephanie, whose sparkling blue eyes nearly bulged out upon realization.

“You know what I just thought of?”

“Gettin’ the h*ll up out of here while we still have our skins?” Jessica remarked.

“No,” Stephanie said. “I just realized that we’ve never had a completely successful test with some of the equipment.”

“I blame myself.” Christina stated.

“So do I.” Jessica said.

“No sense worrying about it now.” Scooter said.

Jessica snickered at his comment. “Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our back.”

“Well, from the looks of it, whenever this thing comes in our sights…we’re just gonna have to trust whatever bench test we could pull out of our butts.” Stephanie said. “Somebody switch me on.” Christina acknowledge her command by reaching over and pressing a button on her proton back that turned it on and made it give off a slow, eerie humming noise. Jessica, Scooter, and even Christina were a little startled by it, feeling as if they were standing near an atomic bomb that had just charged up. Stephanie wasn’t the least bit comfortable herself, as she was currently wearing the monstrous machine that was liable to explode the moment she used it.

As soon as the elevator stopped on the twelfth floor, the doors flew open and Scooter peeked out into the hall. “Looks like the coast is clear,” he said before stepping out cautiously, followed by the others.

At the end of the hall, two youngsters rounded a corner and ended up only several feet away from the Ghostbusters, who they hadn’t noticed at first. They were also residents of the hall and went by the names of Mimi (a haughty southerner with a heart of gold) and Riff (who was named after his skills as a musician).

“I think we should practice some more on that last tune, Mimi.” Riff stated. “Something about it didn’t sound too right.”

“And I think you’re bein’ too hard on yourself, Riff.” Mimi replied. “Not all music’s gonna sound the way you intended it to, once you start playin’ it.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Riff said. “But, still, I’d like to go back and try it again, after we grab some lunch from the…” Riff stopped as soon as he spotted the group down the hall, dressed strangely and wearing powerful machinery on them. “Would you look at that!”

Mimi followed his gaze, also spotting the group, and her eyelids went up in result of her surprise of seeing them there. “Well, ain’t that somethin’! Who…or what…would you suppose they be, Riff?”

“Fellow musicians, perhaps?” Riff assumed. “We do get a lot of strange ones around here at Faffner Hall.”

“Oh, no,” Mimi said, “They can’t be that.”

“Well, why not?”

“Because look at them funny instruments they’re carryin’. Now you tell me what kind of musician plays instruments like those?”

Riff looked closely at the machines on the group’s backs, noticing the lights, switches, buttons, and other unnatural things situated on them. Turning his focus back on Mimi, he answered, “Like I said before, Mimi…we’ve had weirder musicians come and stay here before.”

Mimi shook her head, still finding it hard to accept that the group was musicians. “Well, say if you’re right, then what would you call what their instruments are?”

“I dunno. The descendant of a xylophone?”

“Oh, Riff. Stop bein’ so silly!” Mimi exclaimed, and then she turned to the group down the hall and shouted out to them. “Hey! What ya’ll…?”

As soon as Stephanie heard the voice behind her, she whirled and fired a stream of protons from her wand. Christina and Scooter, so keyed up at the moment, also spun and fired wildly. Mimi and Riff ducked out of the way, as the particle streams blew past them and demolished a massive chunk of the wall and completely destroyed a window.

“WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” Jessica screamed. “CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE!”

Stephanie, Christina, and Scooter immediately done as Jessica commanded them and stopped firing. They looked across the hall to see the destruction they had just caused. What remained of that section was charred and blackened, while a gaping hole lied in the middle of it all, revealing a beautiful New York skyline that contradicted the nasty area.

Mimi and Riff, who had been crouched down on the floor, slowly and cautiously lifted their heads and just as relieved as the Ghostbusters were to find out that they were alive and unharmed. Mimi looked towards them and angrily asked, “Just what in the heck are ya’ll doin’?”

The Ghostbusters looked to one another in embarrassment and shock.

“Sorry.” Stephanie uttered.

“Sorry.” Christina said.

“Sorry about that.” Scooter stated.

“We thought ya’ll were somebody else.” Jessica added.

After looking at the strange and yet frightening group of people, Riff turned to Mimi and said, “You’re right. Definitely not musicians.”

Jessica turned and faced her team with an even more nervous look on her face. She did her best to show off a calm, collective smile. “Well, there you have it, ladies and Scooter. A successful test.”

“Before we go any further, I think it’d be best if we split up.” Stephanie suggested.

“Good idea.” Christina agreed.

“Yeah,” Scooter said, “We can do more damage that way.”

END OF CHAPTER FIVE​

 

[doozersticks]

Great Stuff...keep it up...

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

I must learn how to type stories like you.
Seriously.

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Six​

Christina made her way down the hall, reading valences at the door to each room. She knocked on one of the doors, and then passed her sensor over the top of the door and down the jambs. Afterwards, she got on her knees to read the crack at the bottom of the door. Suddenly, it opened and she looked up to see a African American male with a Viking crown on his head, golden rings on all ten of his fingers, and gold-plated dentures, wearing a bath robe.

“Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, guuuuuuuurrrrrrllllllll!” He exclaimed in an extremely ghetto tone. “What up with this here? Yer boy, Flavor Flav, was just takin’ and shower, until he hears some knockin’ on his doh, so I get up on the floh, because I needs to know what you have to show.”

The figure was something a lot stranger than a ghost to Christina, but nevertheless it was human (metaphorically speaking). “Sir, were you recently in the bathroom?”

“Whatever gave ya dat idea, G?” Flav remarked with sarcasm.

“The wet bath robe, residual moisture on your lower limbs and face…” Christina stated in a serious tone.

“Yo, yer a regular Sherlock Homie, G. What can Flav do for ya?”

“When you were in the bathroom, did you notice anything unusually smelly or even green?” Christina asked, and Flav snickered before he was about to answer, but Christina raised her hand up in protest to stop him. “Wait! Never mind. Don’t answer that. Thank for your time, sir.”

She moved on with her activities, as Flav remained in his doorway, watching her go. “D**n, G! My career must be in the toilet, if I’m doing some fan fiction story on a family forum, where I can’t even get my jokes out!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Scooter moved down another hallway, checking P.K.E. valences, just as the needle jumped into the red on the meter that Stephanie had loaned him. He instantly went into surprise upon seeing the activity on the meter and alerted Stephanie through the walkie-talkie in his hand. “Dr. Zimmermann! Dr. Zimmermann! I got something! I’m moving in!” he exclaimed. Slowly and cautiously, he turned the corner at the end of the hall. Suddenly, he noticed the object of their search and froze. “Oh…my…gosh!”

The gofer watched as the vapor was hunched over a room service cart loaded with dirty dishes. It hung there, translucent, foul, and green, feeding off table scraps and leftover beverages and knocking dishes off the cart and scattering refuse. From Scooter’s point of view, it looked like a misshapen potato with a pushed-in face and spindly arms. It could’ve even passed for a Muppet in some bizarre way.

At that moment, Stephanie’s voice crackled over the walkie-talkie. “Scooter! Where are you? Are you all right?”

“Wow! It’s really ugly!” Scooter exclaimed.

“What did you say?”

The vapor raised a half-empty bottle of wine to its gaping maw and chugged down the liquid. The wine was visible as it poured down his gullet and passed through his system, finally spilling through his body onto the floor. The sight of it nearly made Scooter regurgitate, but his maintained his composure long enough to edge closer to the vapor.

“I’m moving in.” Scooter whispered into the walkie-talkie. “I don’t think it’s seen me yet.” The vapor crammed some leftovers into its mouth and belched loudly, while Scooter was growing increasingly more disgusted as the initial fear left him. “Ugh! What a slob! I’m going to take him!” He then shouted to the vapor, “FREEZE, POTATO-FACE!” And then he fired his particle thrower at the vapor.

It dodged Scooter’s first shot and the ion stream tore away fifty feet of wallpaper in a searing ricochet. Then the vapor flew off down the hall, pulling the room service cart along in its wake. Scooter chased it down the hallway, while shouting, “It’s getting away!” into his walkie-talkie. The vapor reached the end of the corridor but instead of turning, it passed right through the solid wall. The room service cart crashed into the wall, smashing dishes and sending the debris flying.

In one room of the mansion, a penguin conductor was just pulling the plastic bag off his recently dry-cleaned tuxedo, when the noxious vapor shot through the wall. It blew right over him with a great rush of stinking wind and exited through the air vent. The penguin conductor looked at the air vent and then back at his tuxedo, which had turned several shades of sickly green and brown.

“Oh! You have got to be kidding me!” The penguin cried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

In yet another section of Faffner Hall, Jessica was walking alone in a long hallway. She stopped for a moment and leaned against the wall, feeling as if this whole ordeal was one big joke to her career as a parapsychologist. She pulled out a small flask that she had been carrying in one of the pockets of her jumpsuit and took a swig of it, while muttering to herself. “This bites it. I actually work for a company called ‘Ghostbusters’. I must be outta my d**n mind!”

Suddenly, from the end of the hallway came the sound of rattling dishes and silverware. The flask in Jessica’s hand dropped instantly the moment she heard the noises, her face registering extreme caution. Finally this situation was starting to pick up, but why wouldn’t it have picked up somewhere far away from her location?

Jessica took out her walkie-talkie and quietly spoke into it. “Steph! Steph! Something’s here!”

“Jess! Scoot saw it!” Stephanie exclaimed over the device, with Scooter’s excited voice repeating what she had in the first person again and again. “He tried to get it, but it got away from him. Where are you now?”

“I shouldn’t be too far from you.” Jessica answered.

“Well, just sit tight.” Stephanie said. “We’re on our way.”

“Well, hurry up!” Jessica exclaimed. “This thing might be…”

She stopped once she noticed a room service cart sailing past along a perpendicular hallway and rolled out of sight. Then immediately behind it was a reeking green haze—the vapor. It did not follow the cart but instead made the turn at the end of the hall and hovered there, apparently looking at Jessica.

“Oh, lord.” She uttered, not her very first encounter with a specter, but still frightened and perplexed at the sight of one. “Come in…Steph.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s right here, Steph…and it’s…looking at me.”

“It’s an ugly little spud, isn’t he?” Scooter’s voice crackled over the walkie-talkie.

“Oh, crap! I think it just heard you, Scoot!” Jessica exclaimed, wide-eyed.

“Jess, just don’t move.” Stephanie instructed. “It won’t hurt you, if you just don’t…” As Stephanie made her instruction, Jessica watched as the vapor start down the hall toward her.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Her ear-piercing scream echoed throughout the entire hall, as the vapor let out a disgusting growl while making it way in her direction. She expected it to do something as horrible as taking over her body and possessing her or using its supernatural abilities to shred her to pieces. There was no telling what this ghost was capable of doing. Neither Jessica nor her fellow teammates had ever studied something as strange as it.

But, little did Dr. Lauren know, she was about to get that chance.

When the ghost was within an inch of her, its slimy, green, foul body went right through Jessica’s head and chest, covering its sickening ecto-fluid all over both areas. Jessica wished at that point that she were not still screaming, because all of that ecto-fluid went right into her mouth and down her throat, drowning out her screams.

After the vapor had completely passed through her, she fell backwards and landed flat on her back, flailing her arms and legs frantically and spitting out the fragments of ecto-fluid in her mouth. The vapor was long gone when Stephanie and Scooter arrived, finding Jessica in her disturbing state, which was just as disturbing as her screams over the walkie-talkie.

“Jess! Jess! Are you okay?” Stephanie asked her.

“It slimed me!” She said between several spits. “That piece of crap slimed me right in my mouth!”

“Amazing!” Stephanie exclaimed. “Actually physical contact! Can you move?”

“Oh, God! I feel so violated!” Jessica said, leaning on her side to let some of the ecto-fluid flow out of her mouth like a waterfall. The sight made Scooter turn his head, because it was so disturbingly gross to him.

It was at that point when Christina’s voice crackled over Stephanie’s walkie-talkie. “Zimmermann! Zimmermann! Are you there? Come in!”

“Yeah, Renee, I’m here.” Stephanie spoke into the device. “Scoot and I are here with Lauren. She got slimed…and really bad, I might add.”

“That’s great, Steph. Save some for me to study.” Christina remarked. “Get down here as soon as you can. It’s here! It just went into the Banquet Room on the third floor.”

“Get me up! I want some payback for what that little crap-hole did to me!” Jessica yelled, before Stephanie helped to her feet.

“C’mon, follow me.” Scooter said. “I think I noticed a shortcut into the Banquet Room on the way in here.” The two female scientists followed the gofer down the hall and into a stairwell, heading downstairs to the third floor. They entered through a door that was marked for employees only and found themselves in the kitchen area.

Several meals were in the process of being made by all of the Muppet whatnot chefs, who stopped as soon as they noticed (and smelled, in Jessica’s case) the strangely dressed Ghostbusters. They each just waved and smiled at the employees, acting as if they were performers at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.

While they were passing by, Jessica suddenly stopped in her tracks and held her stomach, her complexion turning extremely pale. Scooter and Stephanie stopped and looked back, noticing this and becoming a bit concerned. “Hey, Jess. Are you okay?” Stephanie asked her.

“I got slimed by a ghost, Steph.” Jessica replied. “Do I look okay to you?”

“Dr. Lauren, do you think you may need a break right now?” Scooter inquired.

“No, seriously, I’m fine.” Jessica said. “Just go. I’ll catch up with ya’ll.”

Stephanie and Scooter took her word for it and went through the door that led straight into the Banquet Room. Meanwhile, Jessica remained where she stood, feeling extremely queasy between the horrid smell of the ecto-fluid on her and the comforting scent of turkey and dressing. Mixed together, the two smells generated a nauseating smell that made Jessica very sick.

All of the sudden, someone came in through the same doorway that Stephanie and Scooter just walked through, carrying a heavy, boiling pot of some fancy dish that he made. It was the Swedish Chef, looking mighty proud of his accomplishment. “Here-a I cume-a veet zee neece-a, hut ingredeeent tu zee cheeckee put peee-a!” Swedish Chef said, and as he set the pot on a nearby stove, he noticed Jessica’s presence within the kitchen and became suspicious. “Vhet ere-a yuoo dueeng here-a in my keetchee? Yuoo're-a nut sooppused tu be-a here-a! Get oooot immedeeetely! Get oooot! Get oooot!”

Jessica had not been listening to a word (and even if she was, she could barely understand any of it) to what the Swedish Chef had been saying, because she was too busy feeling totally nauseated. And when she couldn’t take it anymore, she let herself vomit right into the large, boiling pot that the Swedish Chef had just brought in.

A shocked Swedish Chef’s hand went to his mouth after seeing what Jessica had just done. “My ingredeeents! Hoo cuoold yuoo?”

“Hey, pal. For all you know, I might’ve added some flavor to your little dish.” Jessica said, trying not to throw up again from thinking about what she had done to the pot. Instead, she left the kitchen before anything else could happen.

Just as Jessica left, Farkas Faffner walked in, making his way over the Swedish Chef and the pot near him. “Is my chicken pot pie ready yet? It’s been three hours now, and I’m starving to death!”

“Zeere-a hes beee un ecceedent veet zee ingredeeents, Meester. Hurty flurty schnipp…”

“Speak English, man! You know I cannot understand that turkey lingo of yours!” Farkas approached the boiling pot, detecting the uncanny smell emerging from it and licking his lips. “Ah! Is this the ingredients for the pie?” He picked up a wooden spoon and dipped it into the pot, scooping up some of the ingredients.

“Nuuuuuu! Dun't teste-a thet, sur! It is. Um gesh dee bork, bo…”

“Do not interrupt me as I’m eating or you’ll be finding yourself back in Sweden, cooking for beggars!” Farkas threatened, and while he took a sip of the tainted ingredients, the Swedish Chef turned away in disgust. Farkas let the taste sit in his mouth for a while, and then his eyes widened (but from delight rather than disgust). “Ahhh…just like mother used to make!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Stephanie, Jessica, and Scooter regrouped with Christina in a large, dark room with a high, ornately-corniced ceiling and a crystal chandelier hanging in the center. Stephanie put her ecto-goggles down over her eyes and scanned the room, seeing nothing at first. But once she looked up and perused the ceiling, a form flitted behind a carved beam.

“There! On the ceiling!” Stephanie exclaimed.

She was suddenly shoved aside by Jessica, who stepped forward and dropped to one knee. “Come on down here, you slug!” she yelled, before opening fire at the transparent form.

There suddenly came a hollowing scream of a woman, as the form had dodged the beam, while it blasted a sizable chunk of plaster out of the ceiling and destroyed half of the crystal chandelier. Stephanie moved her ecto-goggles away from her eyes, as she gazed upon the form and realized something surprising.

“Jessica! Wait! It’s not…”

But Jessica did not give her another second to make her statement, as she had fired again, wasting the rest of the chandelier. However, the form had escaped again and flew high into the air. Pieces of the broken ceiling suddenly fell and landed on top of a nearby piano, which automatically started playing classical music. Out of nowhere, the transparent form hovering high in the air began to solidify and appear as a Victorian-era female ghost. It was definitely not the one that the Ghostbusters had been searching for.

Fughetta Faffner was needless to say furious over the mortals who had just attacked her. “Just what reason do you people have to barge in here and attack me?”

The Ghostbusters stood perplexed, wondering just how many ghosts was haunting the mansion and which one would they should bust. “Uh…we’re sorry for the…confusion…ma’am.” Stephanie said. “We thought you were another…vapor…we’re after.”

Fughetta gasped. “There is another ghost within our midst? W-Where is it? Is it here? What does it…?” At that moment, the slimy vapor itself had come through the wall of the Banquet Room and zoomed past Fughetta, its horrendous odor infecting her sense of smell instantly. “Oh, dear! What a horrid creature! I do not wish such a monstrosity to be in my mansion any longer!”

“Wait…your mansion?” Scooter remarked. “I thought this place belonged to Farkas Faffner.”

“Farkas?” Fughetta uttered and laughed. “My dear, I am the owner of this music observatory. Farkas is only the inheritor of it. But that does not change the fact that I still own all the proceeds to it.”

“I wonder why he didn’t tell us about you.” Scooter said.

“Possibly because he wished for you to eliminate me, in the process of eliminating that dreadful ghost.” Fughetta stated. “Please tell me you can take care of it.”

“Don’t worry.” Jessica said. “At first this was all business…but now…it’s personal.”

Jessica was about to hunt after the ghost again when Christina stopped her. “Wait! Wait! There’s something very important I forgot to tell you.”

“What?” Jessica asked.

“Don’t cross the streams.” Christina empathically said.

“Why not?” Scooter inquired.

“It could be bad.” Christina answered. “Trust me.”

“What do you mean ‘bad’?” Jessica asked.

“Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.”

Stephanie’s eyes were filled with shock, as she gazed down at her particle thrower, fearing a little over the intense power it carried. “Total protonic reversal?”

“Okay. That is bad.” Scooter uttered. “Thanks for the important safety tip, Dr. Renee.”

Meanwhile, Jessica was considering her own safety and decided to take charge. “Alright! Nobody does anything unless I order you to, okay?” Stephanie, Christina, and Scooter nodded obediently and glanced nervously at the vapor, still hovering near the ceiling. “Let’s do it. This thing’s not going to hang around all day waiting for us. Steph, give me one stream wide right of it. Christina, you and Scooter go wide left.”

The three took their positions exactly where Jessica instructed them to, and as soon as she shouted “Now!” they triggered their throwers and three streams were emitted, shooting off to either side of the entity. The vapor swirled but stayed between the beams. It bobbed and weaved, trying to slip past the visible lines of light, but Stephanie, Christina, and Scooter managed to keep it boxed in.

“Now, very slowly,” Jessica instructed, “let’s tighten it up. Hold steady.”

Christina suddenly noticed how they were starting to close the distance between their ion streams. “Don’t cross them! Watch it!”

The vapor was trying to get around the streams, causing him to waver as Stephanie’s stream gets closer and closer. It slipped past her and raced for the air vent.

“Oh, no, ya don’t! Ya little sucker!” Jessica yelled, before firing with such poor marksmanship that she came only centimeters from crossing Stephanie’s stream. Stephanie jerked away to avoid crossing Jessica’s erratic bursts and maneuvers. Together they did extensive damage to the walls.

“Jeez! Watch it, Lauren!” Stephanie yelled.

“Can we please stop addressing each other by our last names?” Jessica retorted.

Meanwhile, Christina and Scooter had the vapor cornered to some extent.

“We’ll nudge it out of the corner.” Christina told Stephanie and Jessica. “You two cut off the left side.”

Christina and Scooter moved closer to the wall, while Jessica and Stephanie countered to trap the vapor again. “We got it! That’s good. Easy now.” Jessica encouragingly said.

They managed to guide the vapor out into the center of the room, all the time closing the figurative box around it. Fughetta hovered from a safe distance, watching the whole thing with great interest. These mortals have the most marvelous weapons at their disposal, she thought.

“It’s working!” Stephanie yelled. “Easy…Easy…I’m going to throw in my trap now.”

Zimmermann jerked her leg up, triggering a release on her equipment belt. A cord and foot pedal fall to the floor, and at the end of the cord, there was a long, flat black metal box two feet long, four inches wide, and two high. She kicked the box under the apparition and toed the foot pedal into position. The apparition blasted them with a flatulent gust. They recoiled but hold the configuration.

“Easy…Easy…I’m opening the trap…NOW!” Stephanie stomped on the foot pedal, and with a loud electronic snap, the long metal box on the floor sprayed up a fixed multidimensional inverted pyramid of bright, beaded white light. They all herded the vapor to the top of the trap. “Watch it…watch it…NOW!” Stephanie stomped the foot pedal again.

Suddenly there was a loud double electronic snap and a blinding flash of pink light. Wisps of brown smoke and carbonized particles had risen to the ceiling in a large residual puff. The Ghostbusters stood there for a long moment, not quite certain if the battle was over.

Christina cautiously approached the trap and looked at the valence indicator on it, while it sparkled with electricity. “He’s in there,” she said in confirmation.

Stephanie smiled as she removed her slimy ecto-goggles from her head and rubbed her fingers through her short, black, and slimed hair. “Well! That wasn’t such a chore, now was it?”

Jessica, Christina, and Scooter exchanged awkward glances. Neither of them wanted to agree with what Stephanie just said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Outside the Banquet Room, all of the residents of Faffner Hall had gathered around the closed doorway to the room, after hearing the sound of heavy property damaged moments ago. Now all they heard was silence from within the Banquet Room and became extremely cautious.

Farkas Faffner was just passing through the corridor, just as he had noticed the large group and stopped to see what was happening. “What is everyone doing here? Why aren’t you in your rooms where you should be?”

“Those people that you called to take care of the cockroach are in there.” Wild Impresario said.

“And it sounds like they’re demolishin’ the whole place.” Mimi added.

“What?” Farkas exclaimed. “I precisely told them to handle the situation quickly and quietly! You all are not even supposed to know about this!” He moved to the door and attempted to open it, until it had opened by itself and the Ghostbusters emerged.

“WE CAME! WE SAW! WE KICKED ITS FUNKY @**!” Jessica yelled.

“What happened? Did you see it? What was it?” Farkas inquired.

“Hey, dude. Why didn’t ya tell us your great dead aunt still lives here?” Jessica asked him.

Farkas looked a bit sheepish as he adjusted his collar and remarked, “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

“FARKAS!” A voice of Fughetta Faffner bellowed, as she made her way out of the Banquet Room and hovered before Farkas. “Explain to me why you have failed to mention my presence to these noble young ghost hunters?”

“I…uh…I…um…”

He was soon spared just as Mimi and Riff noticed how Stephanie held the smoking ghost trap by its foot pedal, dangling it away from her body as if it was something putrid. “What on earth is that?” Riff asked.

“What you had there was what we refer to as a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm or a Class Five Full Roaming Vapor…a real nasty one, too.” Stephanie informed.

Jessica and Christina exchanged glances, knowing that the time had come to do some serious business. Jessica cleared her throat and said, “Now the cost for capturing the ghost will come to four thousand dollars. But we do have special today for proton recharge and storage, which is…” She looked towards Christina, who lifted up one finger, “…one thousand dollars plus. So that’ll have your total come down to…”

“FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS?” Farkas screamed with horror. “I am not paying that much for the capture of one slimy specter!”

“Well, that’s quite alright, sir.” Jessica said with sarcasm. “We’ll just put it right back in there. Right, Dr. Zimmermann?”

“Most certainly, Dr. Lauren.” Stephanie said, equally sarcastic, as she brought the trap back towards the inside of the Banquet Room.

Fughetta, having no idea that they were being sarcastic, reacted with fear. She suddenly began singing harmoniously, “TIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEEEE STOP!” And at that very moment, time had ceased, freezing everyone and everything around Fughetta in place. “Farkas Faffner, when I start time again, you will pay these kind beings for capturing the dreadful ghost that had plagued our beloved Hall. And you will show great appreciation for it as well.” After this statement, Fughetta then sang again, “TIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEEEEEE START!”

Once everyone and everything continued where they left off, Farkas spoke in a deadpan tone, addressing the Ghostbusters. “I will graciously pay for your service in this Hall today.” He then wrote in his checkbook and tore out a check from it, handing it over to Jessica. “If it were not for your services, we would not have handled this problem with such marvelous ease.”

Jessica took the check from his hands, not caring a bit about the unusual way he was talking. “Nice doin’ business with ya’ll.”

END OF CHAPTER SIX​

 

[The Count]

*Applauds wildly... Lovin'it all... From GOFH to the lady busters. Thankees Sean. *Skulks off to await further stories' updates, with some phantomly prodding.