Speaking of the Cars episode, here's the script of S & W's intro:
(Race Car noises can be heard during the intro.)
STATLER: "WELCOME TO STATLER AND WALDORF FROM THE BALCONY ON MOVIES.COM! I'M STATLER!"
WALDORF: "AND I'M WALDORF, AND YOU'RE NOT HARD OF HEARING!"
STATLER: "WHAT?!"
WALDORF: "I SAID: THE AUDIENCE IS NOT HARD OF HEARING! NOW, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT WE'RE SHOUTING BECAUSE TODAY, We're at a Nascar Racetrack."