Spring Forward: A Dinosaurs' Tale

[RedPiggy]

Well, I think there are a few implications that the Pangaea of Dinosaurs was the origin of the Muppetverse, though I guess one can argue that self-referential Henson gags don't really constitute such a concept. Still, as I've mentioned somewhere around here, there does seem to be traces of an evolution going on. Besides, now that Disney owns the Muppets, both universes can be tied together without much legal wrangling, unlike bringing in Fraggle Rock and Sesame Street and stuff. We probably won't see Kermit talking to Robbie (well, Kermit for sure, LOL), simply because the Sinclairs aren't in New York and I really can't see the logic for Kermit to just randomly head over to Oregon in the middle of nowhere. As I'm sure my regular readers are aware I like mixing the franchises, we are getting Muppet cameos, as this new Movieverse of mine will be continued in at least a trilogy, I hope. I kind of like how I've decided the Sinclairs got here. Unlike the Comeback King universe, well ... I can't say yet how they got here. But to further the idea that paleontology simply guesses about dinosaurs and their lives, we'll be treated to several theories of how they got to the modern world before we get to the real reason (one of which, the in-joke regarding my other universe, has already been mentioned).

Richfield surviving really isn't fair, but as I wanted to do a social metaphor/commentary in the spirit of the show, he's kinda necessary to make a point that will come up later as he continues his attempts to reclaim his lead spot on the food chain. This "movie" is a character study of what happens when those on top suddenly find themselves on the bottom. Richfield, so far, seems the most in control of his life, but it remains to be seen if he can keep it up.

Edit: Okay, it's not just about humbling the proud. To be honest, the original concept for this was "what if those living in an oppressive society were suddenly finding themselves in a society without oppression". Imagine a slaveholder suddenly appearing in a time where everyone of every race is free. Would their minds explode from the paradigm shift? And this isn't just dealing with someone evil like Richfield. Robbie was one of the most idealistic on the show. He's gonna get his reality checks as well.

 

[RedPiggy]

[Robbie and Spike are sitting at a bus stop on the edge of the park. It is late afternoon and a couple of humans are waiting at the bus stop as well. The music is cheerful and upbeat.]

Spike: Dey let you in?

Robbie (nods): Yep. The human race has really evolved over sixty million years. All I had to do was promise I’d get the paperwork for my identification and they just said yes.

Spike: Dey bought dat?

Robbie (glances at him, chuckling): Well, what do you expect them to do? All my Bob LaBrea stuff was in my room that no longer exists, and I think it’s a fairly foregone conclusion I’m as “Native American” as it can get. *looks away, shrugging* Still, I guess time travel does complicate the red tape.

Spike (stares at Robbie in dry disbelief)

Robbie (starting to get offended): What?

Spike (shrugs): Oh, nuthin’ … I just figure life is dealin’ you a pretty good hand today.

Robbie (distrusting): Care to elaborate?

Spike (seriously): T’ink about it, Scootah – you just poof inta human laps an’ dey just start trustin’ you for no good reason?

Robbie (chuckles, looks away): You’re jealous!

Spike (rolls eyes): Is dat so?

Robbie (nods, smiling): You can’t stand the fact that I’m on my way up the career ladder.

Spike (nods, sarcastic): Dat’s right, Scootah … I’m jealous o’ how da cards o’ life just magically seem to go your way.

Robbie (stands up, his voice sharp, the cheerful music stopping): Hey … I worked hard in school!

Spike: Yeh? I seem to recall you bein’ a low “B” student.

Robbie: Well, that doesn’t matter to them! All that matters is that I have the drive to succeed!

Spike (grins): Yeh! An’ wit’ enough hard work, I’m sure you can get dat high “B” you’ve had your eyes on!

Robbie (growling as the humans barely glance at them and inch away slowly): You’re just frustrated that your life of vandalism and late mornings makes you just a sad little statistic!

Spike (clenching his fists, gritting his teeth): Yer gonna learn dat “PhD” stands fer “Pathetic Homeless Doormat” one o’ dese days, Sinclair!

Robbie: I’ll be opening the window of opportunity while you’re just rotting in an alley somewhere!

Spike (chuckles and turns his back on Robbie): You go ahead an’ open dat window. Just don’t be surprised when it opens up on my alley. *leaves as the bus enters the shot, with Robbie angrily getting on*

[The scene cuts to the interior of a nightclub, with throngs of humans and different sorts of Muppets dancing to heart-pounding tunes. Charlene slowly enters, followed by what looks like Earl in lipstick and a white long-sleeved blouse with fringes on the sleeves and a white cowboy hat. They make their way to the bar and the made-up Earl motions for the bartender. The camera approaches them until they fill most of the frame.]

Charlene (smiles politely): I can’t believe we’re here, Aunt Pearl.

Pearl (with a gentle country accent, laughs and pats Charlene on her shoulders): Oh, hon, don’t you fret none. Don’t matter what time period you’re from, all them bar folk speak the same language.

Bartender (nods toward Charlene): How old are ya, sweetheart?

Pearl (slaps the counter, uses a no-nonsense tone): Try sixty-million an’ fourteen, sugah lips. Now be a dear an’ find us somethin’ worth our wait. Us girls’ve been thirsty for far too long.

Charlene (giggles as the bartender leaves)

Pearl (sighs as she gazes into the crowd, wistfully): I sure do wish your Uncle Roy was here, sugah. Ain’t nothin’ but skinny bald apes as far as the eye can see.

Charlene (nods): Dad can’t find him. He seems awfully worried. Uncle Roy has a tendency to just disappear when he’s really upset. Dad said he lost a long-necked girlfriend in high school and went missing for months when her head collided with an overpass.

Pearl (cringes briefly): Ouch. I reckon that does explain a lot, though. *sighs* But when you find your audience booin’ ya, you can’t do much more than just pick up your guitar an’ find another dive ta sing in. *takes a drink from the bartender and takes a gulp* Ahhhh. *coughs* Whoo-boy! *forcefully exhales* After closin’ time I gotta get me the recipe for this here elixir. *slaps knee* It’ll sure ‘nough make the angels sing for glory!

Charlene (timidly nods and takes her drink and sips it carefully): Aunt Pearl, I hope you don’t mind, but – why do you think we’re here?

Pearl (chuckles): You ain’t had enough drinks ta be that philosophical yet, Charlene.

Charlene: I’m serious. Doesn’t it bother you that we’re alive and so many other dinosaurs are dead?

Pearl (stops drinking and sets the glass down on the counter, her voice somber): Charlene, honey, you’re a carnivore, darlin’. It ain’t like ya never smelled death before.

Charlene (avoids taking another sip, staring at the floor): That’s different. We gotta eat. But our friends --.

Pearl (places an arm gently around her shoulders): Your friends lived their lives to the fullest, darlin’. They were precisely what they were. It’s all life can ever expect outta us.

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

SQUEEEEEEEE! PEARL!

*Sigh*

I really need to find 'Dinosaurs' on DVD so I can actually see all these characters I'm getting excited over again.

 

[RedPiggy]

Earl and Pearl: Abridged
You're welcome

 

[RedPiggy]

[A flip transition takes us to late the next morning as Roy is staring at a winery. A sign identifies it as the Eyrie Vineyards. A human male appears.]

Human male: May I help you?

Roy: What is dis place?

Human male (smiles): This is a winery. I’m Jason Lett, the owner.

Roy (looks downcast): I don’t wanna whine about my problems. I was just hoping to drink my worries away.

Jason (looks puzzled): Uh … this isn’t where people come to whine. We make wine.

Roy (shakes his head): T’anks, but I got my own.

Jason (smirks): Well, I’m talking about the drink. I can get you a free sample, if you want.

Roy: Uh, is wine like beer?

Jason (cringes): Uh … yeah. Want some?

Roy (somewhat cheering up): Yeah … that’d be great!

[The camera follows them a short distance and then cuts to the interior of the winery. Jason Lett sets down a wine glass, smiles and begins to walk off.]

Roy (stares at the glass): Uhhh …

Jason (stops and turns around): Anything wrong?

Roy: Well, it’s just dat I got really short arms, even if I could pick dis up, I can’t really get it to my mouth. *looks up* You got a straw? *glances down at the glass* A really long straw?

Jason (nods, smiling): I’ll see what I can find. *leaves*
[The scene fade transitions to the Sinclair kitchen. Fran is sitting at the table, tapping a pencil on a pile of papers. Ethyl rolls into view and glances at the papers.]

Ethyl: No wonder the bills are so high. *points at the paper* Apparently they have trouble affording ink.

Fran (sighs, putting the pencil down): I’m trying to be productive, Mother. I want to tell the truth about the life of dinosaurs. There’s just so much disinformation out there. *glances at Ethyl* All you have to do is click on the television and it’s nothing but portrayals of dinosaurs as dumb brutes.

Ethyl (pats Fran’s hand): Earl must’ve sold the rights to his life story.

Fran (grunts her displeasure, pulling her hand away): I’d appreciate a little constructive support, Mother.

Ethyl: Well, from what I understand, no one’s reading books anymore. *irritated* They sell educational books that read themselves! Just when I thought society couldn’t get any worse, they find entire new ways to kill off neurons.

Fran (stares at her mother, curtly): I’m glad you agree with Earl, Mother.

Ethyl (appears surprised briefly): Uh … what I mean is … life is a big cycle. No matter how bad it gets, we should always remember the sun will rise again tomorrow. *takes a few pages* So, you’re working on a memoir? Let’s see if we can’t turn this into a script.

Fran: A script?

Ethyl (nods): Why write a book when the world prefers illiteracy? Movies are the way to go.

Fran: Oh, I don’t know, Mother … it’s so difficult to break into the movie business.

Ethyl (nods): You’re right. We’ll put it on Syfy. They’ll air anything.

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Wow, short part.

But, I LOVE the dig at Syfy! And the straw line was great.

 

[RedPiggy]

Well, sometimes they're short because I've got writer's block and it takes me awhile just to get a certain scene to sound right.

I used to really like Scifi. I thought their over-reliance on "original" knock-offs of Hollywood movies and a re -- uh, a stupid spelling change was just silly.

 

[Fragglemuppet]

That whole scene with Roy was great! He's always been one of my favorite characters, which makes his pain here all the more terrible.

And I gotta go with Earl and Ethel on this one...

 

[RedPiggy]

[The scene fade transitions to Robbie in a computer lab at a library. He types gently, as the standard keyboard is somewhat small for him. He growls and snarls to himself occasionally, but he eventually gets to Oregon State’s website. Soon, though, he is alerted to an online call. He looks around, puts on some headphones as well as he can, and clicks to access the call. A dry female voice is on the other line.]

Female voice: I see you’re admitted and registered. Congratulations.

Robbie: Yeah. Thanks for all your help. You really know your way around the college bureaucracy.

Female voice (amused): Oh, I just know what buttons to push. *pause* So, I think your concept of software and hardware that accommodates the needs of dinosaurs is just the kind of project that will break free of the mega-corporate stranglehold on the media industry.

Robbie: Really?

Female voice: Of course. You know, there’s a meeting in Portland this year. Shouldn’t be too far away now. I really insist you join in. You’ll be a breath of fresh air. You’ll have ideas that break us out of the creative doldrums. I really won’t take no for an answer.

Robbie (thinks about it for a minute or two): I – I dunno. I mean, I just got into college and everything.

Female voice: I didn’t say you had to join. Just show up at the meeting. It’s not like it’s closed to the public anyway. We only have about nine members anyway. We definitely need some new blood. Just bring a proposal with you.

Robbie (sighs): Fine, fine! *looks around* I got to go. Thanks again, Zondra.

[Fade-out.]

 

[The Count]

Zondra? Heh, that's not the female voice I expected to covertly contact Robbie. Hexcellent.
*Leaves brownies.