Sesame, DC: The Gotham Grouchfest

[Hope Mills]

Hey, MW! How about soundtracks? You are a great DFM, so I know you can manage this trick.

 

[muppetwriter]

Ha, ha! We'll see, Mama.

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Four​

What a wonderful feeling it was to be on a porkout with Kimiko, Clay, Raimundo, and Mr. Wayne, who was wearing the special outfit that he got from Mr. Fox and a black mask that hid his face very well. We others were wearing special outfits as well—special black Xiaolin uniforms that shroud our appearances, as we stood on the rooftops of Gotham City with one of our new friends from Sesame Street, Count von Count.

Oscar: Oh, great. Now the lemon-head's now narratin'. This should be boring.

“Gordon and that poor excuse for a cop, Flass, have entered the station.” Detective Sean Thomas said over the talkie-walkie.

“OK. We’re going in.” Mr. Wayne responded, not long before he tossed our walkie-talkie to Count. “You keep watch from these rooftops. If we don’t get back before fifteen seconds, tell Thomas and Alfred to go on without us.” That was most noble of Mr. Wayne to suggest…but it was also most troubling, seeing as how a task like the one we were going to handle would take much longer than fifteen seconds.

“I will start counting as soon as you five start climbing.” Count had promised, and as we immediately start climbing through the shadows, Count immediately started counting.

Count: Oh, how fun it vas to do that much counting! I just...

Oscar: ...love to count. Yeah, yeah. After several decades, we've got it down already.

Bert: Fifteen seconds? That's cutting it pretty close, isn't it?

Ernie: Not for Batman, Bert.

“He must really do that a lot where he comes from.” Raimundo commented, concerning Count.

“I just hope our butts are out of the room, before he gets to fifteen.” Kimiko said, and when Count was on number five, we were inside the building at the highest floor, where we spotted an old man (not as old as Master Fung, but a little close) who Mr. Wayne and Detective Thomas called Detective Gordon. When we came through the window, Detective Gordon had his back to us, giving the opportunity for Kimiko, Clay, Raimundo, and I to grab him and tie him up in the chair that he was sitting in, while Mr. Wayne turned off the lights and slammed a book that had a very peculiar title about bats on Detective Gordon’s desk.

“Don’t turn around.” Mr. Wayne told Detective Gordon from behind. I was very puzzled over the way he was pressing a stapler against his back, but I did not bother to ask any questions, seeing as how crucial our task was at the moment.

“What do you want?” Detective Gordon had asked.

“I’ve been watching. You’re a good cop. One of the few.” Mr. Wayne had replied, and then he followed with a question of his own to ask Detective Gordon, bringing up a name that I had heard all too much in recent days. “What would it take to get Falcone?”

Bert: For a fellow who gets his words mixed up at times, Omi is a pretty good narrator.

Oscar:*sarcastic* Heh, miracles do happen.

“Carmine Falcone?” Detective Gordon remarked as if he was very surprised that Mr. Wayne brought up that name.

“He brings in shipments of drugs every week, but no one takes him down.” Mr. Wayne had said. “Why is that?”

“Because he’s paid up with the right people.” Detective Gordon had told Mr. Wayne. “Only leverage on Judge Phelan and a D.A. brave enough to prosecute would be two good ways to take down Falcone.”

“Hey, doesn’t that woman who Detective Thomas mentioned before work in the D.A.’s office? What’s her name? Rachel Dawes?” Raimundo asked, and little did he know of how much he had sucked our pillow. I could tell from the most awkward look on Detective Gordon’s face that he was beginning to suspect our appearance.

Bert: Sucked our pillow?

Oscar: The weird little twerp meant "blew our cover". Sheesh!

“Who are you people?” Detective Gordon had inquired.

“Watch for a sign.” Mr. Wayne had uttered, and I had no idea whatsoever by what he meant from that statement.

“Am I dealing with just one man here?” Detective Gordon had asked.

“No…We are two.” Mr. Wayne had remarked, and before I had the chance to even think about what he had said, we were untying Detective Gordon and fleeing out of the window in a divided second, climbing back onto the rooftop and joining Count, who had just finished counting to fifteen.

Ernie: Divided second?

Oscar: Split second.

Bert: Well, he was pretty close, wasn't he?

Oscar: Yeah...like a moth gets close to a fire.

“Count, tell Thomas and Alfred to get the car ready, we’re…” Before Mr. Wayne could finish, a door had opened nearby, and Detective Gordon appeared with two officers.

“Uh-oh! Time to high fin!” I had yelled.

“That’s high tail, little partner!” Clay had corrected me, just as we all had run to the edge of the roof. We had seen how enormous the gap was between the rooftop we were on and the one far ahead of us, but we did not let it stop us. The six of us had leaped very high and yet we were dropping very fast, missing the top by a foot. However, we were able to grab hold of a balcony below, but it broke away after and left us dropping to the one further down. We were all very winded but felt very lucky to still be alive.

“Let’s get the heck out of here.” Kimiko said, not long before we all disappeared into the shadows.

Ernie: Wow. What an incredible stunt.

Bert: And incredibly dangerous, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

The following morning, I went with Mr. Wayne and my friends (Dojo, Clay, Kimiko, Raimundo, Count, Oscar, and Detective Thomas) to see Mr. Fox again at Mr. Wayne’s Science of Divisions Supplied (at least, I believe that was what it was called).

Ernie: Hey, look. Oscar's back.

Oscar:*highly sarcastic* Oh, joy.

Mr. Fox asked Mr. Wayne if he came for more tools to do his “spelunking” with, but Mr. Wayne came for the opposite reason. He had come to get some equipment that would help him do some “base-jumping.” Though I had no idea what that was, I knew that Mr. Wayne would use the tools for other purposes.

“We’ve got suction pads, grapples, and this neat thing.” Mr. Fox had said, right before he opened a metal box and pulled out a most intimidating gun and harness.

“What’s that little toy?” Oscar the Grouch had asked, and I was quick to correct him on the way he indicated the object, telling him that it was not a toy. His only response to me was, “Shut up, lemon-head!”

Bert: Did you really have to be so mean? He's only a little dense.

Oscar: The kid just gets on my nerves.

Ernie: Who doesn't? *snickers*

Oscar: Hey, mind yer own business!

“Pneumatic, magnetic grapple. Monofilament tested to 350 pounds.” Mr. Fox had said, speaking a language that I could not quite understand.

“350 pounds? That is most definitely a lot of pounds for one simple gun.” Count had said, while Mr. Wayne had felt the weight, not long before he picked up the harness that it went with.

“Too expensive for the army?” Mr. Wayne had asked, just as Mr. Fox had taken the gun away from him.

“Guess they never thought about marketing to the billionaire base-jumping, spelunking market.” Mr. Wayne could seem to sense a mocking attitude from Mr. Fox, and so did I. “Look, Mr. Wayne, if you don’t tell me what you’re really doing, then when I get asked…I don’t have to lie. But could you and your companions not treat me like an idiot please?” Mr. Wayne looked over at me, and then he looked to the others.

Oscar: I would've treated him like one anyways.

Bert/Ernie: Oscar!

Oscar: Hey, I'm a grouch. Whaddya expect?

“Fair enough.” We had all said together, just before Kimiko walked to another part of the room and indicating another creation of Mr. Fox’s.

“What does this do?” Kimiko had asked, moving her delicate female hands through a sheet of black fabric, while Mr. Fox put on a black glove.

Bert: Delicate female hands?

Oscar: The kid has an issue with girls. 'Nuff said.

“Memory fabric. Dual layer polymers with variable alignment molecules.” Mr. Fox grabbed the fabric and the most remarkable thing had happened. The fabric instantly popped into the rigid shape of a small tent.

“Most intriguing!” I had said, while pushing on the tent and feeling the fascinating strength of it.

“Can it make other shapes?” Detective Thomas had asked, and with the slightest touch, Mr. Fox had made the tent collapse.

“It could be tailored to any structure based on a rigid skeleton.”

“I bet if Telly were here, he’d ask for something else shaped like a triangle.” Oscar had said, and Mr. Fox had given Mr. Wayne the black glove, allowing him to take the black fabric and flick it in a whipping motion. He had the most ponderous look on his face that was quickly wiped off, as soon as he noticed yet another interesting creation.

“What’s beneath this tarp over here?” He had asked, and we all had turned to see some type of vehicle covered by an enormous tarp that covered it at all sides, except for the huge tires.

“The Tumbler?” Mr. Fox had said, with a playful smile on his most kindly face. “Oh, you all wouldn’t be interested in that.”

“Well, in that case, can we get outta here then?” Oscar had asked, and we all had given him mean looks for nearly ruining our opportunity to see what this Tumbler was like.

Ernie: Oscar, how could you past on a great opportunity to see the one and only Batmobile?

Oscar: First, it wasn't the only Batmobile in the world. Second, I could care less. And third, it wasn't even called "The Batmobile"! And most important of all, I'm...

Bert/Ernie: A grouch.

Oscar: Need I say more?

A short moment later, we all were given one marvelous ride inside the Tumbler vehicle, with Mr. Wayne using billions of controls to drive it. Kimiko, Clay, Raimundo, and I were screaming (in a good way) from the twists and turns, while Mr. Fox and Detective Thomas were smiling with glee. Count von Count was gazing at the controls and counting the numbers on them, and Oscar the Grouch was hiding in his garbage can, where he was screaming not so happily.

“One hundred miles…Two hundred miles…Four hundred miles…”

“TOO MANY MILES!” Oscar had yelled from within his trashcan, as Mr. Fox shouted over the loud engine.

Oscar: That car is a menace to society! No human, Muppet, or grouch should ever step foot in it!

Ernie: I'd like to ride in it sometime!

Bert: Me, too...I guess.

Oscar:*rolls eyes*

“She was built as a bridging vehicle!” He pointed to one particular button in the vehicle. “You hit that button and it boosts her into a rampless jump!”

“It looks like it could’ve made one superb military vehicle!” Detective Thomas had complimented, also shouting over the loud engine.

“I’ll say! In combat, two of them jump a river towing cables, then ran a bailey bridge cross!” Mr. Fox had remarked. “The bridge never worked, but this baby works fine!” I still have no idea why he addressed the vehicle as an infant.

Oscar: Oh, boy. Does it get any worst than that?

“For real!” Detective Thomas had said. “A forward-slung gunner’s driving position between our legs, video screens, electronic controls, and windows with heads-up display.” Mr. Wayne had increased the speed on the vehicle, and we burned the rubber down the road, until we came to a complete stop.

“Zero! That’s zero miles!” Count had said.

“Oh, will you shut up!” Oscar had told him.

“That was so wicked!” Kimiko had shouted.

“Most exciting!” I had stated.

“Woo-wee! That was more fun than an old-fashioned rodeo!” Clay had exclaimed.

“Man, I’d take this thing to the beach any day of the week!” Raimundo had yelled, as Mr. Fox turned to Mr. Wayne and smiled.

“So…what do you think?” He had asked, and Mr. Wayne looked at him, smiling as well.

“Does it come in black?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Later that same day in Mr. Wayne’s bat cave, we had commenced with our plans to track down Carmine Falcone and kick his evil butt. Unfortunately, by the wishes of Mr. Wayne, we were demanded to stay in his mansion and not come with him. This was much to our displeasure, for we had assisted him in stopping Ra’s Al Ghul and saving Mr. Ducard, and we deserved the chance at helping him stop more evildoers. As he was grinding some metal object, we attempted to alter his thoughts.

Ernie: Well that's no fun. No fun at all.

Bert: But it is safe. I wouldn't mind one bit staying out of harm's way.

Ernie: Would you feel differently if his name wasn't "Harm"? *snickers*

“Come on, dude!” Raimundo had exclaimed. “It’s not like we hadn’t faced any dangers before. Let us come with you, man!”

“Going up against Carmine Falcone should be a task for me—and me only—to handle. It’s not like fighting other skilled warriors.” Mr. Wayne had told us, and Detective Thomas came to help in his defense.

“Besides, these guys will have guns and all sorts of other dangerous weapons in their arsenal.” Detective Thomas had mentioned. “And trust us when we say that they won’t hesitate to shoot a bunch of meddling kids…or mini-monks.” Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay just scoffed at the warnings of Mr. Wayne and Detective Thomas, as they all stormed out of the bat cave. I was quite offended myself, but it did not stop me from asking one important question to Mr. Wayne, as he finished grinding his metal object into a most strange design.

“There is one thing that most puzzles me.” I had said to him. “Why do you choose to be the symbol of a bat?” Before Mr. Wayne could answer my question, Count and Oscar had entered and interrupted him.

“Why not a bat?” Count had asked. “They are the most thrilling creatures on the planet…and they can see in the dark.”

“Oh, gimme a break.” Oscar had uttered. “He’s choosin’ bats ‘cause they’re irritating. And what a way to chase off bad guys than to irritate them to death.”

“Is that true?” I had asked Mr. Wayne, and he simply just shook his head and grinned.

“You’re both wrong.” He had said. “Bats frighten me. And it’s time my enemies shared my dread.” Mr. Wayne took the metal object that was shaped like a bat and threw it towards the cave wall, clinging against it instantly.

“Impressive. Most impressive.” I had said.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR​

Count: Is that vhat you really think about bats?

Oscar: Yeah. When those things hang around my trash can, it gets so annoying that I even enjoy it sometimes.

Count: Vell, that is one thing ve have in common. Our joy of bats!

Oscar: Don't hold yer breath, Count. I said they're annoyin', not lovable.

Count: Five...Five more vonderful chapters left!

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Five​

Present Day​

Ernie: Oh, boy. Another fun chapter!

It was totally unbelievable what happened the other night, with us “meddling kids” meeting that freaky Dr. Jonathan Crane (his scarecrow mask gave me the creeps) and the weird incident that occurred at the docks. Some things weren’t just adding up, from the “giant bat” that poor Elmo had seen and the one that everyone had been talking about, since the front page of Gotham’s newspaper included a photo of Carmine Falcone strapped to a spotlight, which led to that strange bat symbol projected onto the night sky. And though we could just bury the case after Falcone had finally been arrested for possession of drugs, Fred still believed there was more to this mystery than meets the eye.

“Until we find out why Falcone was shipping those drugs and what they’re actually made for or out of, this mystery hasn’t been solved.” Fred said, as he sat in “The Malt Shop” in Gotham City (which I have to say is not as clean as Metropolis’s “Malt Shop”) with Shaggy, Scooby, Elmo, and me, just a couple of days after our experience at the docks. Velma was busy getting another newspaper that would give us more clues to our situation.

Bert: Hey, this chapter's narrated by Daphne!

Oscar: Oh, swell. The perky danger-prone twerp. She was the one I hated working with the most.

Bert: How could you hate someone as nice and beautiful as Daphne, Oscar?

Oscar: Easy. I just hate her.

“Like, I think it’s best for us to just drop the whole thing.” Shaggy suggested (of course). “There’s a giant bat out there, man. And he’s got all of the bad guys spooked. And if they’re spooked, that means I have a reason to be, too.”

“Shaggy, we can’t back out of this.” I simply told him, like I always do. “Whatever went down with Falcone and his men must be huge, if he’s got a crooked cop like Detective Flass working with him.” While I was talking, I couldn’t help but to look over at Elmo, who was just sitting down and drinking his milkshake like the good little monster he was. I felt real sorry for the poor little guy, being caught up in all of this corruption and intrigue. No resident of a friendly Metropolitan neighborhood like Sesame Street belongs in a dreadful, filthy place like Gotham City.

Bert: I agree. Gotham's no place for any Sesame Street resident.

Oscar: Heh! 'Cept for Yours Truly!

“It’s huge alright.” Someone said, and we looked up to see Velma come up to the booth that we were sitting at, throwing down a newspaper that had a different photo of Carmine Falcone on the front page. It was a photo of him looking more frightened than Shaggy and Scooby combined, with a straightjacket on and quarts of saliva coming out of his mouth (Ewww!).

Oscar: What's so gross about that? It's the stuff that makes food go down easier in your mouth. Sometimes I gargle with mine, without even using mouthwash.

Bert/Ernie: Ewwwwwwww!

Oscar: Oh, shut up.

“That’s a funny face Mr. Falcone is making.” Elmo uttered, laughing a little. He was oblivious to the fact that Falcone looked that way because he had fallen into a state of insanity (pure insanity, I might add). “Why does Mr. Falcone make that weird face?”

“That’s a good question, Elmo.” Fred said, playfully rubbing his fingers through Elmo’s fuzzy red fur. He was doing a terrific job in making our little monster-detective feel like he was part of team (which he was) by pretending to be proud of the simplest things he did.

Bert: It's so good to see Elmo getting along so well with Mystery Inc. I really can't wait to see how they return in the next story.

Oscar: Anymore positive comments like that and I'm gonna lose my lunch.

However, Velma was not pretending to be smart (and a little creepy) with the deductions she made after showing us that headline.

“The last person to see Mr. Falcone, before he started going remarkably insane, was Dr. Crane—the same Jonathan Crane that we visited at Arkham, and the same Jonathan Crane who we found out was meeting Carmine Falcone at the docks the other evening.” Velma said, and by the determined tone in her voice, I could tell she had been anxious to find some dirt on Dr. Crane, who was a joke to everything Velma believed in psychiatry. Elmo could somehow tell the same thing, too.

“Are you mad, Velma?” He asked, and Velma did realize that she was about to loose her cool, so she just simply smiled at the cute, furry red monster.

“I’m just a little excited that this mystery is almost solved, Elmo.” Velma said. “Before you know it, we’ll be back on Sesame Street, and you can tell all your friends how you put an evil doctor behind bars.” When Elmo should have seemed excited, he looked rather confused from what Velma had told him.

“Dr. Crane is evil?” Elmo asked. “He seemed like such a good man to Elmo.” We just looked at each other, wondering if we should tell Elmo the truth about Crane. But we all decided (at least mentally) to not infect Elmo’s clean mind with thoughts of corrupted physicians, because he was just learning about detective work as it is.

Bert: Smart move. I would've hesitated myself.

Oscar: You hesitate over everything.

Bert: N-No, I don't.

Ernie: You did just now, Bert. You stuttered.

Bert: Only a little.

“Forget I said that, Elmo.” Velma remarked. “Dr. Crane is a nice man who just is a little confused and doesn’t understand what he’s doing, which is why we’re solving this case to help him and other people out.” Believing in Velma’s remark, Elmo just simply nodded in reply and continued with his milkshake, while we decided on what else to do.

“So Falcone is remaining at Arkham no matter what.” Fred said. “That just leaves the mystery of Dr. Jonathan Crane and this mysterious drug to be solved, and it’s obvious—well, at least to us—that they’re both connected.”

“So we should have this mystery solved by dinnertime?” Shaggy asked, and as usual, the thought of food had him and Scooby licking the drool off their mouths. Fred and I were excited for a different reason; we were solving a crime that could save millions of lives. But the only person that wasn’t too pleased was Velma, who remained frowning with determination.

“Wrong, Freddy.” She said. “There has also been some news going around that Wayne Enterprises have come across a thief. A prototype weapon had been stolen from one of the cargo ships last night.” The rest of us just looked at each other in concern, wondering just how much bigger was this mystery going to become.

Ernie: Duh-duh-DUH!

Bert: Ernie, what was that?

Ernie: My impersonation of a mysterious musical interlude, Bert.

Bert: You know no one will be able to take that as dramatically on print.

“What kind of weapon?” I asked Velma, who didn’t have to be worried about explaining technological stuff to me, since I’ve been learning how to fix a hair dryer in less than a second.

“It’s a microwave emitter, Daphne.” She told me. “It’s designed for desert warfare, using focused microwaves to vaporize the enemy’s water supply. Sources at Wayne Enterprises say that two redheaded boys—one with a brain the size of a pea and the other with skin as white as snow—were spotted at the scene with a blonde, noseless girl with an sour attitude and a ghostly figure wearing a strange mask. They also say that a combination of petty crooks and high-tech robots were there as well.” Upon hearing the description of the thieves, Shaggy and Scooby instantly got the chills, clinging onto each other as they always do when they’re scared.

Ernie: Hey, that sounds like Jack Spicer, Wuya, Billy, and Mandy.

Oscar:*sarcastic* Wow. Give the boy a rubber duckie!

Ernie: No, thanks. Already got done. *snickers*

Oscar:*rolls eyes*

“L-Like, w-w-what’s upon with t-that, m-m-man?” Shaggy stammered.

“What would a bunch of kids and a ghost want with a microwave emitter?” Fred asked, seeming more puzzled about this increasingly weird mystery than the rest of us.

“It sounds like they’re kids out there that are more meddlesome than we are.” I joked, but no one was in the mood for laughing (Hey, I know fashion, not comedy).

Oscar: She must get her stuff from Fozzie Bear.

“Man! What the heck is going on?” Fred asked, though none of us had the answers yet. “What’s in these drugs that’s so big, the criminals are getting younger and younger?” I was going to make another lame joke about youth formula or something, but I just decided to save it for later.

Oscar: Yeah...wise choice.

“The only way we’re going to find out is by finding Jonathan Crane, who I’m starting to believe is the ringleader in all of this.” Velma said, and once we heard the slurping sound that signified that Elmo was finished with his milkshake, we got up from the booth and left “The Malt Shop” to get inside the Mystery Machine van outside.

Ernie: You know, Bert, we ought to go to a "Malt Shop" sometime.

Bert: Ernie, we have our own place for that, remember? Hooper's Store?

Ernie: Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me, Bert, old buddy.

Bert: Should I have to? *frowns*

While we were trekking through the streets and finding leads that would take us straight to Crane, news on the radio had come up about the police putting an A.P.B. out on the costumed vigilante than they were addressing as “Batman” (catchy name, but a little corny at the same time). An interview with Police Commissioner Loeb proved that he was determined to find the Batman and keep him from taking the law into his own hands, which he said made the situation worse.

Later in the evening, it started to rain, and we had yet found any leads to Dr. Crane. Just when we were about to give up hope, Elmo had spotted a familiar face moving away from a nearby vendor on the street. When the rest of us had realized that it was Detective Flass, we were extraordinarily proud of Elmo (that time for real) for his quick scouting skills.

Ernie: Alright. Way to go, Elmo!

Oscar: Yeah, give the little squirt credit for finding an overweight corrupt cop by a hot dog stand.

“You’re becoming a better detective than us, Elmo.” I complimented him, with a big kiss on his cute little orange nose. Though it was hard to tell from his red furry face, I could tell I made him blush.

Count: Mmm...that is one lucky little furry red monster. Ah-AH!

Fred immediately pulled the van over to the sidewalk and allowed all of us to jump out from the Mystery Machine and follow Flass into a dark part of the street. The slimy, fat creep was too slow to avoid us, and by the time we were inches away from him, we started asking our questions. However, before Flass could even realize that we were there, something had yanked him from the pavement and pulled him up between the two buildings near us. When he was at least twenty-five feet above us, we saw how he had come face-to-face with none other than Batman himself.

“That’s him! That’s him! That’s the giant bat that Elmo saw!” Elmo exclaimed, and Fred, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby, and I could hardly believe what we were seeing, as the Batman began interrogating Flass, asking him some of the questions that we were about to ask.

“Who was with Falcone at the docks?” Batman asked, and Flass (as nervous and frightened as he could be) wondered if it was best to respond to Batman’s question.

“I…I don’t know.” He replied, which might’ve been a huge mistake. “I swear to God!”

“SWEAR TO ME!” Batman bellowed, before Flass was dropped three flights down on the wire that Batman had him on. He nearly fell onto us, until he stopped and was whipped back up to where Batman was crouching in the shadows high above.

Bert: Oh, my! This scene's more intense than the rest of the story!

Ernie: So much fun, eh, Bert?

“I never knew his name…never…” Flass told Batman, and we wanted to intervene (as we always had done) and give Batman the suspect’s name. But it was our suspicions of this “Batman” character that kept us from saying anything at all.

“Tell me what you do know about him!” Batman demanded, viciously.

“S-Sometimes shipments went to this guy before they went to the dealers.” Flass replied. “There was something else in the drugs…something hidden…”

“WHAT?” Batman screamed, and the tone in his voice nearly had me spilling my guts (that didn’t come out right, did it?).

Oscar: I gotta give the girl credit for one thing: she has a way with words. Heh, heh!

“I don’t know! It’s something!” Flass cried. “I never went to the drop-off. It’s in the Narrows. Cops can’t go into the Narrows, except in force!”

“Batman can.” He said, just as he looked down at where we were. “And maybe those meddling kids can, too.” After saying that, he dropped Flass back down to our location again and stopped him once he was a few inches from the ground. Batman disconnected the wire from the ankle of Detective Flass, making his fat carcass dropped to the pavement with a loud thug.

Bert: "Fat carcass"?

Oscar: See what I mean. I believe the girl has an inner grouch to her. She just doesn't know how to unleash it.

“Man, I sure wouldn’t have wanted to be you that moment.” Shaggy told Flass, as we looked up to where Batman had been, seeing how there was no longer anyone there. And with that, we left the slimy Flass lying on the muddy concrete and hopped back into the Mystery Machine, heading to the Narrows.

A few minutes later, we arrived in a neighborhood that was Sesame Street minus a million. It was a ramshackle labyrinth of crumbling public housing, with makeshift additions growing like fungus around an insane asylum. It was disgusting and revolting…it was the Narrows…and it was here where we would find Dr. Crane.

Oscar: Now that's my kind of neighborhood. Heh, heh.

Parking the Mystery Machine at a safe distance, we came across a warehouse built around the monorail tracks that ran through the city. That’s where we decided to begin our search for Dr. Crane, and when we found a massive shipping crate by a freight elevator on the top floor, we knew that we instantly hit the jackpot, especially considering the fact that the microwave emitter was inside of it.

“Now all we have to do is find…” Fred said, and he quickly shut himself up, once he heard some noises in the distance. We immediately hit in separate shadowy places (I hid with Elmo in one section, keeping the little guy calm while we did), while seven people entered the room: two men that were dock employees (obviously, I could tell from their distasteful sense of fashion), a redheaded boy with pale skin and red eyes (wearing makeup on his face in the form of black eyeliner under his eyes, a black overcoat, and a pair of goggles over his forehead), a blonde girl (who oddly matched the description of one of the cargo ship thieves), another redheaded boy who had a pink, oversized nose and wore a blue/white striped shirt and a red hat to cover his red hair (who looked to be the brainless one of the group), a purple ghost that looked like a translucent octopus with eyes that were similar to the pale-skinned kid’s goggles and a masked face that resembled his backpack, and then there was Dr. Crane himself.

Count: That's one zany group of characters.

Bert: You can say that again.

Ernie:*in Count's voice* That's one...

Bert: Ernie, cut that out!

Ernie:*snickers*

“Isn’t this fun, Mandy?” The redhead with the oversized nose said to the noseless blonde, with a weird giggle. “We get to be the bad guys!”

“Technically, Billy, we’re not the bad guys.” The noseless blonde (Mandy) said, in a very monotone voice. “We’re just putting Gotham out of its misery, before anything else negative happens to it. Personally, I don’t mind the lives of billions of people suffering day in and day out.”

“Enough of this chatter, when are we going to get to doing the real wicked stuff.” The pale-skinned kid asked, while the ghost just grinned at him.

“Patience, Jack.” She told him. “Our boss wants to keep things under wraps until the time comes.” The pale-skinned kid (who I guess I start referring to as Jack) went over the crate and placed his hands over it, grinning as he did.

“Man, would I love to see the geniuses that created this nifty device.” Jack said. “I could create one just like it…if I had the necessary equipment.”

“You mean if you had the necessary intelligence.” Mandy insulted, and Jack turned away from the crate to shoot a dirty look at her, while his ghostly companion hovered over his shoulder and smiled at Mandy.

“You are becoming a girl after my own heart…that is, if I had a heart.” The ghost commented. “I am starting to enjoy this alliance we have formed.”

Bert: I wonder what it'd be like if Mandy came to live at Sesame Street with us.

Oscar: Are you kiddin'? She'd toss her cookies if she spent one minute at that place. She'd be crawlin' into the trash can with me.

Bert: That makes sense. You two have so much in common. *laughs*

Oscar: Yeah, chuckle it up, flipper.

“Don’t get too comfortable with it, Wuya.” Mandy uttered. “Once we get to wiping out Gotham City, I’m going back to making the Grim Reaper’s life a living…”

“Hello!” Billy (the pink-nosed kid) yelled to someone that I couldn’t see from the hiding place that Elmo and I were in.

“Who are you talking to, doofus?” Mandy asked him, and just as she and the others turned to see what Billy was seeing, all of them reacted in surprise, especially the ones known as Wuya and Jack.

“Oh, no!” Jack screamed. “What are you idiots doing here?”

“We have come to stop whatever it is that you are attempting, Jack Spicer.” The voice that was talking sounded like that of a small Asian child.

“And, dude, it looks like whatever you’re attempting is nothing but dangerous.” Another voice said, sounding a little older than the previous voice but with a Brazilian accent.

“Who are these weirdoes?” Mandy asked, not looking very impressed or intimidated by these other strangers.

“What’s going on, Daphne?” Elmo whispered to me, and I simply just shrugged my shoulders in response, while two characters stepped out to where we could see them: a young, blue-eyed Japanese girl with black hair that was in the style of pigtails and a slightly bulky blonde-haired kid wearing a cowboy hat (both of them were wearing short red robes and white pants or stockings).

“Whoever your friends are, I hope they’re ready to get their butts kicked just as hard as yours.” The Japanese girl said.

“And we also hope they’re not afraid either.” The cowboy added, and Jack laughed at his statement.

“Afraid? Of what?” Jack asked, and soon after he did, Batman jumped out from the shadows and attacked Jack, Crane, and the other criminals. One of the dock employees pulled out a gun and Batman smashed his arm to the ground, making him drop the gun. The other dock employee moved in from the side, but a fast elbow to the neck dropped him. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Suddenly, a small child with a large yellow head jumped high into the air and knocked Jack down from behind, while another kid with brown hair and dark green eyes came behind Billy and Mandy and threw them into an empty crate, which the Japanese girl and the cowboy closed and locked afterwards.

Ernie: Oh, boy. I do love action scenes like this! You don't get to see too much action on this on Sesame Street.

Oscar: Yeah, unless I'm the one causing it.

The ghost known as Wuya had disappeared from the scene, leaving Dr. Crane the only one for the heroes (which I could assume they were from the way they dealt with those criminals) to take down. But as soon as they had turned to Crane, the evil doctor was wearing his creepy mask again and reaching out towards them. As quick as the heroes had dodged it, a flash of smoke puffed out from underneath Crane’s sleeve. But the smoke had already gotten into their lungs, and they were left coughing and staggering all over the room.

“Oh, no!” The child with the yellow head screamed, as he gasped and choked. “Squirrels…Massive, terrifying squirrels…everywhere!” Neither Elmo or I understood what the child was screaming about, nor even the screams from the other characters puzzled us more.

“No! No! I threw you away a long time ago! STAY BACK!” The Japanese girl shouted.

“Don’t kiss me, Grandma! I can’t stand the way you pinch my cheeks!” The cowboy yelled.

“No! You don’t exist! You’re only in my imagination! GET AWAY FROM ME!” The Brazilian kid cried.

All of their screams were occurring as Batman struggled to stand on his own two feet and fluttered his arms out at the air, as if there was something flying around him that frightened him. They were all screaming in terror over something that neither of us could see, and it was all because of Dr. Crane, who started pouring gasoline all over Batman.

“Why don’t you lighten up?” Crane said, just as he turned on a lighter and tossed it at Batman, who burst into flames. While Crane had made a quick retreat, the flaming Batman spun and leaped desperately at the nearest window, smashing through it and falling several feet to the ground. Once the other heroes fought through their fears long enough to realize what happened to their companion, they left the room and escaped the warehouse.

Bert: Well that wasn't a very fair fight.

Oscar: They're villains, orange nose. They're not supposed to fight fair.

Elmo and I had stepped out from our hiding place, as did Freddy, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby, and we all went to the broken window to see what had happened to Batman. From what we could tell, the wet pavement had doused the flames that were on him, just in time for his fear-filled friends to stumble out of the warehouse and come to his aide. As they did, three more figures that we recognized had come out of nowhere: Count von Count and Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street, and Detective Sean Thomas of the Metropolis Police Department.

Ernie: Hey, there are our buddies again.

Oscar: Are you gonna keep doing that every time we pop up in the story? This ain't home movies.

Ernie:*snickers*

“What’s Oscar and Count doing here?” Elmo asked.

“Better question is why a Metropolitan detective is in Gotham, helping the police’s number one target?” Fred asked, and we all watched with interest as a Rolls Royce pulled up near the group and took them in, driving them away from the Narrows afterwards.

“Gang, something tells me this mystery is far from being solved.” Fred said, and we all (of course) gave him that “No, duh!” look that we had been giving him since we were part of the Scooby-Doo Detective Agency.

END OF CHAPTER FIVE​

Count: Four more vonderful chapters to go! This is so exciting!

Oscar: Why couldn't I have commentated with Statler and Waldorf? *sighs*

 

[Hope Mills]

Oh, muppetwriter! Your writing is magnificent as it mixes or reproduces a storyline. I consider your writing appeal and style to be futuristic; your talent as a writer is defined as being highly original or one-of-a-kind in nature. Keep in mind, the destiny of a writer is mostly predetermined by one's unique design for a definite field of action, purpose, or occasion.

In other words, and we have talked about this privately, it is necessary that you continue to develop your personal writing skills in such a fashion that is influenced by your own goals as a fictional writer. And, as you mentioned, even though I have not continued to write or publish my work (because my mind, as I have admitted, has become too literalistic for children's stories) you have inherited my trait as a gifted writer. Only unlike myself, your perseverance and determination for writing is matched only by your enthusiasm, it is constant; and I admire these traits in you. Thanks for enlightening me, and continue as it pleasures you!

Just remember, I am always your best fan, or occasionally a common critic; it's in my nature to do so as well as it is in yours; regard criticism, whether it is productive or not, only as it can be managed to become a stepping stone, which is to guide you to your general objectives. I love you!

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Six​

It was amazing how Bruce Wayne could survive such a big fall, while being engulfed in flames and under the influence of a dangerous toxin. In fact, it just downright impressed Count, Oscar, Alfred, Dojo, and me that our friends were still alive after the previous evening. For two days had they been unconscious, fighting through the effects of the gas that Jonathan Crane forced them to breathe, and when their condition had worsened after the first day, we called Mr. Fox over to check up on them.

Bert: You know that Lucius Fox is so impressive. I wonder if he has some automatic bird-feeding machine that I can let Bernice use during her visits.

According to Mr. Fox, who tested the blood samples that we sent him, what went into their lungs was some kind of weaponized hallucinogen that was administered in aerosol form. It could be synthesized into an antidote (I made sure to tell him that we might need more that a few, in case our adversaries get this thing out into the air all around the city or the world), but Fox did let us know that it could be a difficult task to handle.

When Bruce and the monks-in-training regained consciousness, they suffered the most horrendous headaches ever. In Omi’s own words, he was having a “slicing headache,” but none of us had the heart to tell the little guy that he meant “splitting headache” (probably would have made him feel worse). We alerted them of what Fox had explained to us about the drug and a possible antidote, but it was finding the source of the problem that they were most determined about (gotta admit that despite the pain they were going through and the fact that it was Bruce’s 30th birthday that day, they were no doubt strong warriors).

Ernie: Aren't they called "knights" in the next story?

Bert: They sure are, Ernie. And it takes a real hero to become a night.

Oscar: Blah! I say ya don't need muscles and know-how to become a real hero...or a crummy knight for that matter. Ya just need to know when the right time it is to save somebody's tail.

Ernie: When do you think is the right time, Oscar?

Oscar: Whenever I'm good and ready.

Bert/Ernie:*groan uncomfortably*

Later that afternoon, while Alfred and the mini-monks were getting decorations together and Count was putting the thirty candles on the birthday cake, Rachel Dawes came over and visited Bruce to wish him a happy birthday and give him a small present. The mini-monks, the boys from Sesame Street, and I crowded around Bruce to see what the present was, but before he could open it, Rachel received a call from her assistant, regarding the legally insane Carmine Falcone.

“They're keeping him at Arkham Asylum? I thought we agreed that he should be moved to a safer clinic!” Rachel yelled, a bit of anger within the tone of her voice. “Suicide watch? Who authorized that?” While Rachel was talking to her assistant, Bruce and I exchanged glances with the mini-monks, Oscar, and Count, each of us getting an idea of what was happening that moment. “Get Crane there right now, and don’t take no for an answer! And call Dr. Lehmann, because we’ll need our own assessment on the Judge’s desk by morning.”

Ernie: Uh-oh. Sounds like trouble.

“Anything we can do to help, ma’am?” Clay asked Rachel, while Oscar just rolled his eyes in discouragement.

“Oh, don’t encourage her, will ya?” Oscar said, and Kimiko meant to elbow him in the side to shut him up, but ended up banging her elbow against the side of his trash can instead, hurting it a little.

“Ouch!” She cried, and Oscar snickered, while I just simply slammed the lid over his head and leaned on it. “Thanks.”

Oscar: I tell ya, if Thomas wasn't there to ruin all the fun, I would've had the time of my life in this story. But nooooo! Every scene, every chapter, every line of dialogue...I'm always gettin' the short end of the stick!

Ernie: When did you ever get the long end, Oscar? *snickers*

Oscar:*grumbles*

“No problem.” I said, just as Rachel said her goodbyes to Bruce and the rest of us.

“You’re going to Arkham now?” Bruce asked her. “It’s in the Narrows.” She just smiled at him, as she placed her hand over the one he held his birthday gift in.

“You have yourself a great time, Bruce.” She replied. “Some of us have work to do.” And before leaving the mansion, she gave him one soft look and said, “Happy Birthday.” While she was leaving, Bruce opened up the present and picked up a note inside that said, “Finders Keepers,” before he looked further inside and spotted a small arrowhead stone.

“What’s the story behind the rock?” I asked Bruce, and when Oscar heard what I said from inside the trashcan, he didn’t hesitate to give his opinion.

“A rock?” Oscar bellowed. “Who does she think you are? Charlie Brown?” Raimundo, getting a little tired of Oscar’s grouching, gave a little kick against the side of the trashcan and made a lot hollow noise that irritated even Oscar himself. “HEY! CUT IT OUT!”

Oscar: Ya see? I ought to sue that creep for everything he's got for treatin' me so poorly in this story! I get better treatment from Ryan [theprawncracker]!

Before Bruce can give us any explanation to the birthday present, he turned away from the front doorway of the mansion and headed upstairs, with Alfred and the rest of us following him close behind.

“Hey, hey! Where’s the fire?” Dojo asked Bruce.

“You’re going back to the Narrows, aren’t you?” I asked him.

“We’ve come too close just to quit now.” Bruce responded, and the mini-monks agreed with that assessment.

“Yes, especially now that we have discovered that Jack Spicer and Wuya are in league with our enemies.” Omi stated.

“Not to mention those two weird characters that were hanging out with them and Dr. Crane at the scene of the crime.” I added. “And if they’re still creeping around near that same warehouse in the Narrows, then it’s crucial that we get there in time to warn Rachel.”

“But, Master Wayne, the guests will be arriving.” Alfred said, and Bruce stopped for a moment and turned to him, handing him Rachel’s birthday present.

“Keep them happy until I arrive.” Bruce ordered. “Tell them that joke you know.” While Bruce was heading into the study with the mini-monks, I turned to Count and gave him my own order.

“Stay here with Alfred, Count.” I said. “Help him keep them busy with a game of…of…”

“Counting the number of wine bottles in the cellar.” Count suggested, and though I had something else in mind like singing karaoke, that idea sounded somewhat better.

Oscar: Counting the number of wine bottles in a cellar? That's your idea of fun?

Count: Counting anything you see can be fun. Vhether it be cars or trucks or money or...

Oscar: Yeah, yeah. I get the message. Sometimes, for the heck of it, I count the number of maggots I see on a...

Bert/Ernie: OSCAR!

Oscar: What? I was gonna say leftover pizza.

Bert/Ernie: Yuck!

“Yeah, that sounds good.” I acknowledged, right before I lifted Oscar’s trashcan and carried him over to the study. “And you’re coming with us, Oscar.”

“Why? Do you have any idea how stupid it is hanging out with you guys?” He asked from inside the trashcan, and I just ignored his complaint, just as I came into the room and noticed how Bruce hit four notes on the piano and made a nearby bookcase swing open. We all stepped through the opening and descended down a stone staircase, coming upon the top of a wrought iron spiral staircase and stepping onto the dumb waiter at its center afterwards.

Ernie: I wonder why they call them "dumb waiters"?

Oscar: Because a dumb waiter came up with the name. Heh, heh!

Bruce pulled a lever and released the lift, which plummeted down the center of the spiraling stairs. When we reached the bat cave area, the lift hit the bottom with a great rattle, and Bruce went to a padlocked box. He opened it to reveal his bat suit, hanging in the box and having the appearance of a phantom, with its black eyes staring back at us.

“I will never get use to your idea of symbolism, Mr. Wayne.” Omi said, as Bruce reached for the suit.

~~~~~~~~~~​

Elmo and his Mystery Inc. friends were really nervous about going about to Arkham Asylum (Elmo wasn’t so sure why he was nervous, because he was excited about going to see Dr. Crane again).

Oscar: Wait! What the heck just happened here? (Not that I care, I mind you.)

Ernie: Looks like the narration switched to Elmo's perspective.

Oscar: Geez! I hope that kid doesn't end up narratin' this next one, because I'd be more confused than Telly when it comes to choosing the perfect slice of pizza.

Bert: He really gets that way? How come?

Oscar: I don't know! Ask him! The twerp's got some issue with triangles and how nice they look and...he's just weird, I tell ya!

When we arrived at Arkham Asylum in that grouchy neighborhood called “The Narrows,” Elmo and his friends didn’t come in the same way as before. Fred drove the Mystery Machine into a really dirty and dark alleyway and parked it there (that really puzzled Elmo).

“Why aren’t we going through the front door?” Elmo asked his friends, and they smiled at Elmo, as we all hopped out of the Mystery Machine.

“Well, Elmo, this isn’t any ordinary visit we’re taking to Arkham.” Velma said. “We’re taking a secret way in, because we don’t want to be spotted by Dr. Crane.”

“How come we don’t want to be spotted by Dr. Crane?” Elmo asked, really confused. “Are Elmo’s friends scared of Dr. Crane?”

“Boy, you can say that again.” Shaggy replied, and Elmo had no idea why Shaggy would say something like that, and Elmo didn’t understand why Scooby would shush him after he said it.

Oscar: Elmo doesn't understand much, does he?

“We’ll explain it all later, Elmo.” Velma said, before Fred led Elmo and everybody else through a dirty-looking door that had the words “Keep Out!” printed on it. Elmo knew that whenever a sign like that was up, it meant that nobody could go in. But Elmo should tell his Mystery Inc. friends that, because they just ignored it as Elmo and them went inside.

Oscar: Whoever's painted that sign has got taste. I normally go for the typical, dirty cardboard with the perfect stains from a thirty-day-old diaper. The smell adds to the effect of keeping twerps away from my can.

Bert: I think I'm going to be sick.

Elmo and his friends went through a really dark, dirty, and wet hallway, while hearing people yelling far away. Elmo had no idea why they were yelling like they were, but Elmo knew that it really scared Shaggy and Scooby. When Elmo and his friends came across an elevator, we took it down to the basement of the Arkham Asylum, where he came into a hallway that was even dirtier, darker, and wetter than the other one. Elmo would think somebody clean up the hallways every now and then.

“Elmo hear water running.” Elmo told his friends, who heard it also. Elmo and his Mystery Inc. friends went further and came into a really big room, where the same people that Elmo and his friends saw two days ago were making some powdery stuff and dumping it all into this huge pipe that had water running through it. “What are they doing?” When Elmo had asked that question, his friends had shushed him, meaning that Elmo shouldn’t have talked so loud. The people in the big room looked up at Elmo and his friends, and the redheaded kid named Jack Spicer pointed at us with an angry look on his face.

“Hey, what’re you meddling kids doing here?” Jack asked Elmo and his friends, and before Elmo could answer Jack’s question, Daphne grabbed Elmo and ran out of the room with him and his other Mystery Inc. friends. But before Elmo and his friends could get out, Dr. Crane (wearing his scarecrow mask) appeared and blocked the way out. Elmo liked Dr. Crane; but with that scary scarecrow mask on, Elmo didn’t.

Ernie: Oh, no! Poor Elmo!

Oscar: Heh! If ya ask me, they should've been hangin' out there in the first place. What part of "Keep Out" doesn't anybody understand?

“How nice of you kids to come and visit us again!” Dr. Crane told us, with a not-so-nice voice. “Perhaps you should have some of our medicine. It’ll clear your heads.” Dr. Crane then did something that Elmo thought was really cool: he sprayed a small puff of smoke from his sleeve and at Elmo and his friends. Elmo would have really enjoyed it, if it weren’t for all of the coughing and choking that Elmo was doing. And especially the…scary...very scary monsters…not like the ones on Sesame Street…that were coming at Elmo. Elmo never been so scared before…neither had his Mystery Inc. friends. Elmo wanted to go home…but scary Dr. Crane wouldn’t let us. Why Dr. Crane want to hurt Elmo and his friends?

Bert: I think I'm getting that creepy feeling again. I really don't like where this is going.

Ernie: Same here, Bert, old buddy. *frowns*

~~~~~~~~~~​

The plan was simple: Oscar and I just sneak into Arkham and find out where Rachel was, and then we wait a while for the signal from Bruce and the mini-monks. Through an earpiece that Bruce had given me before walking in, I found out that Rachel was in the abandoned refectory…and she wasn’t alone. I discovered exactly what Bruce meant by that last part when Oscar and I were near the room and spotted the kids of Mystery Inc. and Elmo, looking as if they had seen the devil himself.

“What’s goin’ on?” Oscar asked, and I shushed him, as he popped out from his trashcan and saw what I saw: poor little Elmo and the Mystery Inc. kids lying down on the floor and quivering like timid rabbits, while a terrified Rachel Dawes lied down on a table with the masked Dr. Crane staring down at her. She was obviously under the influence of his powdered drug (which I noticed was being mixed with the city’s entire water supply), because of the way she stared at him. Accompanying Crane at that time were the Xiaolin warriors’ worse enemies (the Heylin warriors known as Jack Spicer and Wuya) and the two kids from Gotham City’s worst neighborhood ever (Endsville’s Billy and Mandy).

“Those poor kids.” I said, as quietly as I could. “They don’t deserve to be caught up in any of this.”

“Neither do we.” Oscar whispered to me. “Seriously, Thomas, when ya gonna learn when to stop poking your nose in other people’s business. You turned a pleasant trip into a stupid police matter.”

“We never came to Gotham for vacation reasons, Oscar.” I told the grouch. “I came to look for Bruce, and finding him led me to all of this.”

“Whatever. I’m just gonna sit here in my can and pretend like none of this is happenin’.” Oscar declared.

Bert: You seem pretty calm through so much of this, Oscar.

Oscar: That's because I really didn't care. When was the last time you'd ever seen me leap into action over anything?

Ernie: Well, you did come with all of us to save Big Bird when he went missing and got kidnapped by the Sleaze Brothers.

Oscar: I wanted to see the sights around South Dakota, but Maria insisted on finding the big dumb turkey!

Bert: You mean you could've gone to see Mt. Rushmore?

Oscar: Mt. Who-Now? No! I wanted to see the world's largest pile of garbage...at the Keystone Dump.

Bert:*rolls eyes in disgust*

“Then you do that.” I said, and as he lowered himself back into his trashcan, I focused on Dr. Crane and his process of scaring answers out of Rachel, who was too frightened to respond.

“She doesn’t know anything.” Jack assumed. “And even if she did, she’s too much of a scaredy cat to tell us anything we want to know.”

“No…someone sent her here.” Dr. Crane said, and soon after he did, all of the lights in the room had gone out. I looked around curiously, wondering if that was the signal that Bruce and the monks were giving me. But until they popped out from the shadows to confirm that, I stayed exactly where I was and squinted my eyes to see Jack Spicer clinging on to one of his robotic creations like a scared little girl.

“Who’s the scaredy cat now?” Mandy told him, and Jack stopped screaming long enough to contradict her.

“I’m not scared.” He said. “I just have a problem with the dark that’s all.”

Oscar: That's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard. There's nothing wrong with the dark. Heck, I read in the dark every time.

Bert: Really? What's the last book you read?

Oscar: "War and Peace". Wished I could've checked out more of the war than I could the peace though. Heh, heh!

Jack got off his robot and stood close to Dr. Crane, who took off his scarecrow mask and looked towards the ceiling with a creepy, fascinated smile on his face.

“He’s here.” Crane said.

“Who?” Jack asked.

“The Batman.” Jack looked as if he had gone from being scared to furious in a split second.

“That could only mean Omi and his stupid friends are here, too.”

“What do we do?” Billy asked, looking like he was going to wet himself, while Mandy just coolly pulled out a cell phone.

“What anyone does when a prowler comes around.” She said, and Billy nervously (and stupidly) smiled at Mandy.

“Try to take over the world?” He asked, and I shook my head at his comment.

“No, you moron.” Mandy replied. “Call the police.”

Bert: Wasn't that line used from another cartoon? I forget the name. All I know is that it had something to do with two talking mice whose genes have been spliced.

Oscar: House of Mouse?

“What? You want to bring the cops here?” Jack asked her. “No! Bad idea!”

“Have no fear, Mr. Spicer.” Crane said. “At this point, the cops are irrelevant. But the Batman…he has a talent for disruption. Let the cops wrangle him. Force him and those monks-in-training outside, and the police will take them all down.” He sounded like it was all going to be that easy.

“What about Dawes and the kids?” Jack asked, pointing to Rachel, Elmo, and the Mystery Inc. kids.

“They’re all gone.” Crane replied, and when he said that, my heart nearly jumped out from my chest, because the last thing any of us (at least those who cared) wanted was for Rachel, Mystery Inc., and Elmo (especially Elmo) to be dead. “I gave each of them a concentrated dose. The mind can only take so much.”

“You monster.” I muttered, while calming myself before I blew our plans.

Bert/Ernie: Oh, no.

Oscar: Relax, you babies. It's just fiction at its best...or worst.

Bert: Yeah, but it all seems so real.

Ernie: Too real.

Oscar: Sheesh. What imaginations. *sarcastic*

“Hey, Doc…the things they say about Batman…is it really true?” Jack asked. “Can he really fly?”

“I hears he can disappear…like magic.” Billy added, and Dr. Crane just grinned at the both of them.

“We’ll find out, won’t we?” That was the last thing Crane said before he backed into the shadows, leaving Jack and Wuya alone with Billy, Mandy, a few of Jack’s robots, and a few of Crane’s thugs.

“Aw, man! I hate this!” Jack shouted, just as we heard the sound of glass shattering, and five shadowy figures dropped from a high window. Realizing that was the signal, I stepped out of my hiding place and aimed my gun at all of them.

“Alright! Don’t move!” I yelled, and for a moment, all of their eyes were on me. But then our attention was aimed at one of the thugs who was grabbed from above and pulled up into the blackness of the rafters, screaming in the process.

“What the heck?” Jack screamed, just as Omi, Kimiko, Clay, and Raimundo appeared and took out all of Jack’s robots, using different Xiaolin moves that represented the four elements (earth, water, fire, and wind). “Don’t think those are the only ones I brought with me, punks.” Jack reached underneath his coat and pulled out a remote control that he used to call in some more of his robots. While the mini-monks were destroying the bots, Batman came down and crippled Crane’s thugs in seconds.

As all of the fighting was taking place, I tried looking around for Crane, who was nowhere to be seen or found. Glancing all around the room, my eyes had stopped on Billy and Mandy, who were fleeing the scene. However, they did not go empty-handed; they had taken Oscar’s trashcan with them, and Oscar was still in it (I could tell, because he was screaming obscenities from inside it).

Oscar: Those kids need to learn how to properly handle trash. You don't just swing a can like mine around like that. You have to handle it delicately.

Ernie: Trash doesn't need to be handled delicately. It's just...just...trash!

Oscar: Says you! The fellow who still leaves crumbs in the bed.

I attempted to run after the little juveniles, but the whimpers that came from the frightened Mystery Inc. kids and Elmo kept me from taking another step. They were still alive, and my only concern was to see that they were kept that way. So I went to the kids and checked on them.

“You all okay?” I asked them, and Elmo looked up at me with frightened eyes—he was suffering from Crane’s drug the worst.

“D-Detective Thomas…I see bad monsters.” Elmo told me, and I just stroked my right hand across the poor little fella’s furry red head and calmed him down.

“Take it easy, Elmo.” I said. “Everything's going to be…” And before I could finish, something (or someone) popped out of the shadows and approached me. I looked up and realized that it was Crane (wearing his scarecrow mask again), with his left arm high and aimed at my face. He would have fired his toxic gas at me again, if Batman had arrived in time to grab his arm and move it away from me. Luckily Bruce had shown up at the right time, because if he fired that stuff with me standing over Elmo, the furry red monster might’ve been fed another dose and surely would’ve been brain dead.

Bert: Wow. Go, Batman!

Ernie: Yeah! Nice work! *applauds*

Oscar: Oh, gimme a break, will ya?

I watched Batman as he wrestled with Dr. Crane, removing his mask and bringing him in closer to Jack, who was sent flying backwards towards Crane and Batman, after a fierce kick to the chest by Kimiko. With Jack near him and Crane, Batman ripped Crane’s jacket open and pulled out the source of his weapon, a rubbery bag full of toxin.

“Time for you boys to have a taste of your own medicine!” Batman exclaimed, and the eyes on Jack and Crane went wide, as Batman squeezed the bag and sent a choking cloud of dust into their faces. Wuya, seeing the trouble that the two were in, decided to make a hasty retreat by gliding out of the room and through a wall. We all surrounded Jack and Dr. Crane, as they both fell to the ground. I could only imagine how they both saw us (especially Bruce, with his Batman suit on), while under the influence of that toxin. My best guess was five grotesque looking zombies with red glowing eyes, along with a black-eyed, horned, winged demon with fangs.

Bert: Remind me never to go near that stuff. I might end up seeing Count as a big, vicious, monstrous bat!

Count: That is one scary thought.

“Not so tough when you’re under your own medication, aren’t ya?” Kimiko asked them, right before Batman grabbed Dr. Crane and pulled him up to his feet, so that they were face-to-face. Seeing how wide Crane’s eyes were in complete terror, it must have been horrifying for him to see such a hideous version of Batman from his point of view.

“Who are you working for?” Batman asked him.

“Ra’s…Ra’s…Al Ghul…” Crane stammered with his answer, and the mini-monks and I looked at each other, really confused.

“He’s lying! Ra’s Al Ghul is dead!” Kimiko shouted. “We saw him die.”

“Who are you really working for, Crane?” Batman asked again, but the doctor was beginning to show signs of fading into lunacy, while seeing the “demon version” of Batman. “CRANE!” He just simply smiled at Batman, with his eyes glazing, his mind flying, and images cascading through his fevered brain.

“Dr. Crane isn’t here right now, but if you’d like to make an appointment…” He said, and while Batman tossed the brain-toasted Dr. Crane away, Omi attempted to interrogate Jack. But before Omi could even touch him, the little freak just screamed like a girl again and fainted.

Oscar: Heh! Some villain. I bet he wets himself before going to bed every night.

“No doubt they have jumped the cage.” Omi said, and it only took us a second to realize what he actually said.

“I think you mean, ‘Flown the coop’.” I corrected him.

“That, too.” Omi remarked, just as we heard the sound of sirens outside, followed by the amplified voice of a Gotham police officer.

“Batman! Put down your weapons and surrender!” The officer demanded. “You are surrounded.”

“Oh, this is just getting better and better.” Raimundo said, obviously being sarcastic, while Kimiko and I moved to the nearest window and looked outside at the police cars that were surrounding the asylum, with several cops standing near them, guns drawn and waiting. As the Arkham Asylum staff emerged from the building, I noticed how Detectives Gordon and Flass had arrived—only one could help us get out of this mess.

“Sean, you’re a detective.” Kimiko reminded me. “Why don’t you step out of there and tell them we’re the good guys?”

“As much as that sounds like a good idea, it’s actually a bad one.” I told her. “I’m way out of their jurisdiction. They’ll arrest me the moment I step out of the building.” When Batman came up to us and looked out the window as well, he noticed the same thing we did: Detective Gordon moving away from the side of Flass and entering the building.

“I have a plan.” Batman said.

“Of course you do.” I uttered, as we moved from the window and towards Rachel, Elmo, and the Mystery Inc. kids.

“Let’s get them upstairs.” After he gave the orders, the mini-monks and I used all of our strength to pick up each member of the Mystery Inc. gang and Elmo, while Batman picked the barely conscious Rachel up from the table. We carried them to the upper sections of Arkham Asylum, evading the SWAT officers that were busting their way in through the front door.

END OF CHAPTER SIX​

Bert: Wow. I can't wait to check out more.

Ernie: Me, too. I'm curious to see what happened to Oscar.

Oscar: Not me.

Bert: Well you already know what happens, Oscar. You lived through the whole story before.

Oscar: Still, I'm glad to be gone from it for moment. I have a good mind to go grab a snack and never come back.

Ernie: Whatever you say, Jack. *snickers*

Oscar:*grumbles again*

Count: Three chapters left! Oh, my! The vonderful suspense! Ah-ah-ah!

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Seven​

The situation was becoming most desperate, as we followed Batman up to the very top of the building. I was never ashamed to admit it when my strength could only go so far, but the girl in the orange sweater and red skirt with the most peculiar glasses was very much heavy. Luckily, I had Clay assist me in carrying her upstairs. Going in that direction, I could not help but wonder what would become of Jack Spicer, after being infected by that strange toxin. Doctor Crane was of no concern of mine, because he was evil and most dishonorable.

Ernie: Looks like Omi's narrating again.

Oscar: Yeah, and did that little squirt just insult Velma's weight? Heh, heh! I wish she were here to see that.

“Set them down here.” Batman had told us, once we all had reached our destination. We gently set the strangely dressed teenagers, the red furry creature, and Miss Dawes down on the floor, while Batman had done the strangest thing ever. He had fallen from the rafters, while attached to a cable, and when he had returned, Detective Gordon was in his possession. As soon as Detective Gordon and Batman were on their feet, Detective Thomas had approached him and showed him his police badge.

“Detective Sean Thomas of the Metropolis Police Department.” He had told Detective Gordon. “Glad to see you willing to help us in our situation.”

“No problem. I love doing my job, and doing it right.” Detective Gordon said, as he was brought over to where Miss Dawes, the strange teenagers, and the red furry creature were lying down. “What’s happened to them?”

Oscar: And what's up with him calling Elmo a "creature"? I consider that a personal slam on monsters.

Bert: But aren't you a Grouch?

Oscar: I can never tell the difference anymore.

“Crane poisoned them with his toxin.” Batman had explained to him. “He was the third man at the docks.”

“Let me take them down to the medics.” Detective Gordon had offered, but Batman was very quick to contradict.

“They can’t help her.” He had said. “But we can.” And before we all had known it, all of the lights in the building had returned. It was by then when we all had realized that we were in the shadows of the attic. I noticed how Batman had reached down to his boot and pressed a switch in the heel (most intriguing, but most confusing at the same time, because neither of us had known what it was for).

“We need to get them the antidote before the damage becomes permanent.” Detective Thomas had suggested, while Kimiko tended to the furry, red creature.

“Especially this little guy.” She had said, seeming very worried over his health. “He looks like he could fade at any time now.” I looked down at the frightened creature; he did look very nervous and close to passing, especially with his fur becoming drenched in his own sweat.

“Hang in there, Elmo.” Detective Thomas told the creature, even though he could barely have heard him. “I don’t think they have long.”

Ernie: Oh, no! They've got to get help for Elmo, before it's too late!

Oscar: Not really helpin' the drama of this story or the commentary (for that matter), "Crummy".

“Everybody get them all downstairs and meet me in the alley on the Narrows side.” Batman had ordered the rest of us.

“But how will you get out?” Raimundo had asked him.

“I called for backup.” Batman had responded, indicating his boot, before returning his attention to Detective Gordon. “Crane and some others have been refining his toxin, stockpiling it.”

“What were they planning?” Detective Gordon had asked.

“I don’t know, but they’ve been working for someone else.” Batman had replied, and I knew he would not dare tell Detective Gordon about Ra’s Al Ghul (at least not until we confirmed Doctor Crane’s information regarding him). I wanted to focus on the situation at hand, but neither myself or my friends could ignore a strange squealing noise approaching.

“What is that sound?” I had asked.

Oscar: Hey, whaddya know? Jack's back. Heh, heh.

“Backup.” Batman had replied, just as something very unexpected had happened. Out of nowhere, Count von Count appeared near us, with a pleasant smile on his face.

“You called?” He had asked, and before we could ask why he was there, another surprising thing had happened. Thousands upon thousands of bats shattered through the windows and had filled the building from the bottom to the top. It was by then when I had realized what Batman had done. He had summoned the bats (and Count) with that boot of his. Most intriguing!

Bert: Wow. That thing works really well!

Count: Mmm, yes. Especially if it vas able to reach yours truly. Ah-ah-ah!

“Get them downstairs! Now!” Batman had demanded, and we all carried Miss Dawes, the teenagers, and the furry red creature down the stairs, out of the building, and into the alley. Once we were there, I was most taken aback by the vehicle parked there: a van with bright colors and flowers painted all over it.

“Man! Whoever owns that hunk of junk needs to let the 60s go!” Raimundo had said, just before Batman had exited the asylum and approached us. As soon as he had done so, a bright light shined over our location, meaning that we must get away as fast as we could. While Batman had taken Miss Dawes away from Detective Gordon, the rest of us brought the unconscious victims into the “Batmobile” (most unusual name for a great vehicle).

Oscar: Ya know, we almost named it after my car.

Bert: The Sloppy Jalopy?

Oscar: Yeah, it was gonna be a great name, but that darn Muppet Writer said it was too offensive for a Sesame Street story. As if violence and scary images weren't enough. Blah!

“Let us fire concrete!” I had said, just as Batman came into the Batmobile with Miss Dawes.

“I believe you mean ‘burn rubber’.” Count had corrected me.

Bert: Good call on that one, Count.

Count: Naturally. I do words as well. *smiles*

“That, too.” I had said, and once our blinding headlights flared and massive engines began roaring, our matte-black and stealth-finished car had come zooming by Detective Gordon, who immediately dove out of harm’s way. To say that Batman’s driving techniques were impressive would be quite an understatement, especially witnessing how he smashed into a cop car, bouncing the Batmobile right over it in a messy display of brute force. “Was that very necessary?”

“Hey, as long as they’re not getting our license plate number, who cares?” Raimundo had told me, as Batman turned our vehicle left and accelerated down the street. While he was weaving around traffic, I turned to our endangered friends who were breathing fast and staring at the road ahead.

“Try to stay calm.” I had instructed them. “You have been poisoned.”

“No kidding.” The gorgeous one with the red hair and purple dress had replied, as we continued racing along, passing two lights and nimbly dodging through the cross-traffic.

Oscar: There goes that grouchiness again. Why can't Grundgetta ever be that rude?

Bert: Isn't she rude enough already?

Oscar: Heh, from your sweet and sunny perspective, she might be.

“Two cop cars are following us.” Count had informed, and through the rearview monitor, we noticed the cars joining the pursuit, with their lights blazing and sirens blaring. Our situation was becoming most desperate.

“No problem.” Batman had uttered, just before he flipped a switch that dropped spike strips onto the road. The police vehicles hit them and tires exploded; they skidded sideways and one lied into the other.

“Whoa! Nice job!” Kimiko had complimented him, right before we slalomed outside of the freeway supports, rolled over the sidewalk, and squeezed back into the roadway. We came out from under the elevated freeway and were immediately caught in the light from a helicopter above us.

Ernie: Slalomed? Is Omi getting his terms and phrases confused again?

Bert: At this point, I can barely even tell.

“No way we can get away from them with that light on us.” Detective Thomas had told Batman, who glanced at a row of buttons—each one a tiny screen showing different views. The Batman had pushed one, while one of our poisoned friends was hyperventilating.

“Elmo! Breathe slowly!” Detective Thomas told the furry, red one. “Try closing your eyes.” For a moment, the creature had done so; but then he opened them again, more frightened than ever.

“That’s worse!” He had yelled, just as we had skidded through the entrance to what Detective Thomas had called a “multi-level parking garage,” taking some sort of machine and barrier in the process. We raced upwards through the structure, with our enormous width taking out pillars at every turn. I could only imagine the money that Gotham City would have to spend for our damages.

“What are you doing?” Detective Thomas had asked Batman, with a hint of hostility in his voice.

“Shortcut.” Batman had calmly responded, while the cop cars smashed into the downed pillars in the Batmobile’s wake. When we had arrived on the very top level, we were again lit by the helicopter’s light. Batman had reversed our vehicle into a spot marked “compact,” crushing the cars on either side of us, and then raced forward.

“We branded those cars worst than a bull on a hot, sunny day.” Clay had commented with his cowboy slang, which neither of us could understand at the time.

Oscar: Heh! I'd take the cowboy any day over than stupid lemon-head! Heh, heh!

We saw how the cop cars had emerged on the roof and blocked the only way down, leaving us screeching to a halt.

“Oh, no.” Kimiko had said.

“TURN OFF YOUR ENGINE!” One of the officers had demanded, while Batman had pressed some buttons that made him amazingly slide into a horizontal position. That vehicle had yet to impress me with its mechanical abilities!

Another button had been pressed and cannons emerged from the nose of the Batmobile, blasting a wall that was far away. We had all known we were going to be in for a fierce ride, so all of us held on tight, as the vehicle rocketed forward and headed for the gap in the far wall, accelerating at intense speed! We all had screamed very loud, as the Batmobile jumped off the parking garage and soared over an intimidating thirty-foot gap, landing heavily on a flat roof nearby.

“THAT WAS VERY WITCHED!” I had yelled, and Raimundo had seemed to agree with me on that sentiment.

“That’s ‘wicked’, dude.” He had said, but only now do I realize that he was actually correcting me.

Ernie: Either way, it sounded pretty neat.

The next part of our chase was more intense than the first, as Batman turned left and boosted, causing the Batmobile to turn and go to the next roof. In mere moments, we were driving over rooftop after rooftop, with the helicopter above us still in pursuit. The Batmobile had landed on a pitched rooftop, racing along at a precarious angle; the tiles had slid off the roof in our wake.

“I wonder if he’s driving with his eyes closed or using the Force.” Detective Thomas had said, and I wondered what he had meant when he referred to this “Force.” It sounded like a most intriguing ancient tradition to me.

Oscar: What a moron! He's never seen Star Wars more less Beverly Hills Cop!

Ernie: I don't think I've seen it either, Oscar.

Bert: Yes you have, Ernie. Remember how excited you were when C-3PO and R2-D2 came to Sesame Street that one day?

Ernie: That was you, Bert. I thought R2-D2 was a trash can, remember?

Oscar: Oy! Thanks for the bad memory, twerp!

We blasted forward again and jumped another large gap that had led us straight back onto another freeway. Other cars had swerved fiercely, just to avoid us as we had landed. The Batmobile swerved, but no matter how much we had done so, the helicopter’s light was still shining upon us.

“Those cars are closing in on us.” Detective Thomas had informed Batman, who had brought himself back into his regular position to do something that had impressed the rest of us. He had turned all of the lights in the vehicle off, as well as the engine, and we found ourselves no longer subjected to the helicopter’s bright light. Not even the cop cars could see us, as they drove past our windows.

“Most impressive.” I had said. “We are like a wraith on this street now.”

“Man! Wuya’s got nothin’ on us.” Raimundo had said, and yet I wondered what exactly she wouldn’t have that we do (besides Shen Gong Wu). I also wondered how our poisoned friends were doing, turning to them just as Detective Thomas had.

“Stay with us, kids.” He had said, and looking away from them to gaze upon Batman, I could see the wariness past his black mask and in his eyes.

Soon our lawful adversaries again spotted us, and Batman was forced to bring the vehicle back to life, slipping into the horizontal position again and accelerating down the street. With many more unnecessary but impressive techniques of evasion, we were able to get the police cars off our tail and fly off another ramp, jumping down to the road below.

Ernie: Should we let our young readers know that it's not a good thing when you run from the police?

Bert: No, Ernie. We're attracting people at a much older age demographic. They know the difference between right and wrong.

Oscar: Yeah, but if push comes to shove, don't hesitate, folks! Heh, heh!

Ernie/Bert: Oscar!

Batman again turned off all of the lights and started running on something that Kimiko called “Night Vision,” which I believed would keep any other police cars alerted of our presence. With the police helicopter losing sight of our location again, we soon found ourselves free of any attention and coming through a dark, wooded path that would lead us straight to our primary destination: Wayne Manor.

“Oh, no! We’re losing them!” Kimiko had informed us, and I had turned to see our poisoned friends slowly falling into unconsciousness. Detective Thomas and Count von Count had tried desperately to wake up the red, furry one that they had been referring to as “Elmo,” while Kimiko, Clay, and Raimundo tried to wake up the strangely dressed teenagers. I had even attempted to wake up the brown, black-spotted dog, while Batman yelled to the unconscious Miss Dawes.

“Just hold on, Rachel.” He had yelled, and when there was no response from her, he yelled even louder. “RACHEL!” When we were approaching a waterfall nearby, the Batmobile had again accelerated at a remarkable speed and speeded right over the edge, flying straight at the face of the waterfall. Splashing through it, our vehicle had emerged into the bat cave.

Ernie: What was it like being part of such a dramatic situation, Count? I mean you almost witnessed Elmo's demise.

Count: It vas one easy scene. I knew that Elmo vould make it through just fine. You must have confidence vorth a million to know things vill be all right in the end.

Oscar: Oh, please. You were just as panicky as the rest of those babies. Sheesh!

Once we had come to a complete stop, the Batmobile opened and allowed us all to climb out of it, carrying our unconscious, poisoned friends over to places at Mr. Wayne’s work area where they can rest as we got them the antidote to their poison. I stood close nearby with Detective Thomas, Count von Count, and my fellow monks, all of us watching as Batman took a container that Mr. Fox had contained the antidote that Mr. Fox supplied him with and removed some vials from it. He plugged the vials into a set of syringes and injected each of our poisoned friends with the antidote. Afterwards, he stepped back to where we were standing, removing his mask and revealing the worried expression of Bruce Wayne.

“Will they be alright?” Detective Thomas had asked him.

“Time can only tell.” Mr. Wayne had answered, and it was not very long before one of our friends began breathing again, very slowly. It was the red, furry creature named Elmo, and Detective Thomas and Count von Count were most pleased by his recovery. Soon the rest of our friends started slowly breathing again, rectifying our fears.

Ernie: HOORAY! Elmo's okay!

Oscar: Geez, announce it to the whole world, why don't ya?

“Well, now that the worse is over, what should we do with them?” Kimiko had asked Mr. Wayne, and before he could answer, Dojo—who I was most glad to see us again after we had returned from our mission—had glided down into the caverns and approached us.

“Hey, you guys made it back just in time! Do you realize how hard it is entertaining a bunch of fancy pants pushovers like the ones upstairs? Especially after Count bailed out on me and…” Dojo had stopped talking long enough to notice the other guests that had come (but not for the same reasons as the ones upstairs). “Who are they?”

“Victims of the toxin created by those snakes, Jack Spicer and Jonathan Crane.” Clay had said. “And if we hadn’t arrived in time to inject them with the antidote, they’d be goners for sure.”

“Well, it looks like they’re gonna wake up pretty soon.” Dojo had noticed.

“And with a lot of questions, too.” Detective Thomas had added.

“Ones that I’ll handle answering.” Mr. Wayne had suggested, as he placed his mask back over his head. “You all go ahead and get to the party. I’ll be sure to take care of Rachel and the kids, when they come to.” Without any hesitation, we had done exactly what Mr. Wayne had demanded and took the lift back up to the manor portion of his home, where we would attend his birthday party.

“Hey…has anyone seen Oscar?” Detective Thomas had asked, but none of us could answer his question, for none of us knew what had become of the grouchy monster. Though it seemed as if none of us had even worried over the matter of his absence. “Ah, well. I’m sure he’ll find a ride back to the manor.”

END OF CHAPTER SEVEN​

Oscar: What the heck was that? Nobody cares what happened to the Grouch! That is so...so...

Bert: Selfish?

Oscar: No. It's so...so...

Ernie: Rude?

Oscar: No, not really. It's so...so...so...NICE!

Bert/Ernie: Huh?

Oscar: Yeah. That's got to be the nicest thing I've ever seen somebody do for a Grouch like me. (Just don't tell anybody I said that.)

Bert: I don't think anybody would understand if we did.

Count: Just two more chapters left! Ah-ah!

 

[The Count]

*Stopping by... Hi Ernie. Actually, "slalomed" is a correct action term. Imagine you've got a ramp. Put Rubber Duckie on it and he'll slide all the way down. Okay, now imagine you've got two columns of flags on either side of the ramp, with a bit of space between each flag, and they're placed a bit more inwardly than on the edges. If you put Rubber Duckie at the top of the ramp, he'll slide right down the center. But a Twiddlebug on a greased leaf might instead slide down, and then swerve between the coluns of flags, from one side to the other, going past each flag until he's done and then slide the rest of the way down the center of the ramp. Well, what that Twiddlebug did there was slaloming.

Hope that helps.

 

[muppetwriter]

Chapter Eight​

A few moments later, Rachel had reached consciousness, but the others hadn’t yet. Upon seeing me in my “Batman” gear, she was definitely surprised to find herself in my home below my other home. She felt groggy from the aftereffects of Crane’s toxin and asked me why I brought her there, which led me to explain about being poisoned by Crane. I had to give her credit for being so anxious to alert the police about him, but I informed her that Gordon had him and was probably interrogating him about the plans he was forming with someone else (who I had still refused to believe was Ra’s Al Ghul, because the mini-monks and I watched him die). Not long did we go on a short discussion about my reason for saving her life (which I said was because Gotham needed her) and how I served justice for the city.

Ernie: Wow. He's like Superman...only more menacing and less destructive.

Oscar: Don't evah compare "The Dark Knight" to "The Man of Peel" ever again.

Bert: Don't you mean "Man of Steel"?

Oscar: Says you.

After that discussion, we went into more important matters such as Crane’s plan for unleashing his toxin. I told Rachel that I was going to give her a sedative, and that when she woke up at her home, she needed to take two vials that I gave her to Gordon (one for Gordon himself and the other to start mass-production). Once the instructions were given, I injected her with the sedative, and she went back into unconsciousness again, ready for Alfred to take her home. I looked back over at the other victims of that night’s incident and realized that it was too dangerous to take them back to their van in the Narrows. I knew that keeping them there was a sacrifice to my identity as Bruce Wayne, but I had no other choice. Besides, they had already meddled themselves further into the situation than they expected.

Another few moments later, I was out of my bat suit and into more suitable attire for my birthday party upstairs. Upon emerging from the bookcase, I was confronted by Alfred himself, who did not seem to be so pleased over my actions during that police chase I was in. After a brief dispute over respecting my father’s name, I simply instructed Alfred to take Rachel home and tell his staff to stop serving drinks and move everyone on after the cake. Once I had stepped into the main hall of the manor, I was greeted by several guests and Detective Thomas (who was wearing the tuxedo I had loaned him) and the mini-monks (Clay, Raimundo, and Kimiko were dressed formally, but Omi was still wearing what he believed to be his actual formal attire) and Count von Count (who looked the same as usual).

Oscar: And where was I in all of this? Out somewhere being corrupted by the bad guys.

Ernie: Oh, you wouldn't have liked it there anyways. It's not your type of thing, Oscar.

Oscar: You're darn right it's not. Grouches don't do birthdays.

Ernie: What about un-birthdays? *snickers*

Oscar: Grouches don't read either.

I could not believe how many people were there, just for my thirtieth birthday party, including Mr. Earle, who provided me with news on Wayne Enterprises’ stock-offering and assured that the company’s future was secured (so it possibly was in his mind, as he believed to be running things and not me). Even Sesame Street’s own Kermit the Frog was there at the party, wearing a tuxedo with no shoes and asking me several “off-the-record” questions after wishing me a happy birthday. Of course, I was able to avoid his questions and move to the buffet table, where Lucius Fox and my friends were at the moment.

Oscar: That's Kermit for ya. The stupid toad doesn't know when to mind his own hoppin' business.

“Thank you for that item, Lucius.” I told him, referring to the vials I found in the caverns. I believe that was the first time since I met him that I addressed him by his first name.

“I know you’ll put it to good use.” Lucius replied.

“We already did.” Clay uttered. “We saved a few lives just a moment ago, after we were…” He stopped talking after Raimundo elbowed him in his stomach to keep Lucius from knowing about our “secret.”

“How long would it take to manufacture on a large scale?” I asked Lucius, and he thought about it for a brief moment, before giving me an answer with a curious look on his face.

“Weeks. Why?” He asked me in return, and I was ready to give him a straightforward answer, until Sean had instead.

“Someone’s planning to disperse the toxin using the water supply.” He informed Lucius.

“The water supply won’t help you disperse an inhalant.” Lucius remarked, and I could tell he realized something afterwards, just by seeing the cautious look on his face. “Unless you have a microwave emitter powerful enough to vaporize all the water in the mains.”

“A microwave emitter like the one stolen from Wayne Enterprises?” Someone interjected, and we all turn to where the voice came from. Though the others were, I wasn’t too surprised to see those meddling kids from Mystery Inc. and their friend, Elmo, up and about in the upper levels of the manor. Sean, Count, and the mini-monks turned to me, all looking very worried about the kids finding about our secret, but I winked and smiled to let them know that everything was okay, as long as they were helping us in our situation.

Ernie: Looks like they've got some new recruits. Pretty neat, eh?

Bert: Depends of whether you believe putting other innocent lives in further danger is neat or not. Especially ones that were already in danger before.

“How do you know about that? That information’s classified.” Lucius asked Velma, who was the one that spoke out about it.

“They’re helping me in this matter.” I had spoken for the kids, who were as pleased as they could be about it. “They’re the reason that I had asked for more of that antidote, because they got close to the same person who used the toxin on me and my friends.” I looked over at the kids and noticed how Sean and Count were checking on Elmo, who appeared to be a lot better than he was hours ago.

“We’ve discovered that the ones who poisoned us have the emitter in their possession.” Daphne mentioned.

“Which could only mean that they could be vaporizing all of the city’s water at this very moment!” Omi exclaimed, and I could see how anxious Lucius was to talk more about it. But he maintained his anxiety, as he looked over at Mr. Earle and continued collecting more food on his plate.

Ernie: Wonder what kinds of food they had there?

Bert: Ernie, does it really matter?

Ernie: I know it would if Cookie Monster were commenting. *snickers*

“Earle has already fired me for asking too many questions about it. So unless I want to keep myself out of prison, I’d better shut up about it.” I looked over at Earle, who was mingling with some of the guests, surprised that he was do such a thing to Lucius. Kimiko, who looked up to Lucius as a great technological mentor, seemed the same way and wasn’t too happy about it.

“That Earle is starting to get on my nerves. He has no business firing you, Mr. Fox.” Kimiko said. “You’re a brilliant man who could really bring the company into the next century and the one after that. And trust me when I say that, because you remind me so much of my dad, who is just as great.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, honey. But as long as he’s playing the role of CEO of Wayne Enterprises, he can do whatever he wants.” Lucius told Kimiko, who glanced at Earle with a violent look in her eyes.

“Somebody really needs to kick his butt out of that CEO chair.” She said.

Oscar: Oooh! Love to see that! Heh, heh!

Not once did it cross my mind to ask the reason for Earle’s action. Instead of asking, I just made what could’ve been one last demand for Lucius. “I need you to go back to Wayne Enterprises now and start making more of that antidote. The police are gonna need as much as they can get their hands on.”

“But my security clearance has been revoked.” Lucius told me, but I just gave him a sly grin with a motivational remark.

“That wouldn’t stop a man like you, would it?” I asked, and Lucius gave me the same sly grin.

“I suppose not.” He said, and he put down his plate and headed out of the manor to do his job, while I motioned for the Mystery Inc. kids, Elmo, Count, Sean, and the Xiaolin monks to follow me into the study where we could slip out of the party in time to get out of the manor and head back over to the Narrows. But Kermit, who anxiously approached me, soon foiled our plan.

“Mr. Wayne! Mr. Wayne! I’m sorry to bother you again, but you have to meet someone who I really think is your best guest at this party.” Kermit said, grabbing my arm and leading the others and me over to one particular guest at the party, a young Asian man in his thirties.

“Yo, Kerm! From one reptile to another, could you please give us some space?” Dojo requested. “We’ve got some important business to take care of.”

Oscar: I bet that dumb frog would've bounced if the lizard hadn't said "please".

Ernie: Bounce? Don't you mean "hop"? *snickers*

“It’ll just take a sec.” Kermit said, just as he turned to the Asian and talked to him real loud, as if he immediately assumed the Asian couldn’t speak any English. “Now am I pronouncing your name correctly, Mr. Ra’s Al Ghul?” My friends and I nearly jumped out of our skins when we heard that name spoken out loud by someone who didn’t know it as personally as we did. I could hear Omi and his monk friends chattering amongst themselves, asking what was the meaning of this trickery, as the man who was calling himself Ra’s Al Ghul that moment had turned and faced us.

“He is not Ra’s Al Ghul. We had watched Ra’s Al Ghul die, remember?” Omi took the words right out of my mouth. We stared at this man for a long time, seeing the double-boomed blue poppy that was in his buttonhole, until we heard a voice behind us that sounded new to Sean, Count, Elmo, and the Mystery Inc. kids, but was all too familiar to myself, Dojo, and the Xiaolin monks.

“But is Ra’s Al Ghul immortal?” We turned, and standing there, smiling at all of us, was Henri Ducard. “Are his methods supernatural?” At first I wondered what was Ducard doing there at the manor on my birthday. But then it was starting to become all too clear, not just to myself, but to the Xiaolin monks, Dojo, the Mystery Inc. kids, Detective Thomas, Count, and even Elmo. The one that I believed was Ra’s Al Ghul at that monastery in the mountains was only a fake. The real Ra’s Al Ghul was the man standing in front of me at that time: Henri Ducard.

Ernie/Bert:*gasps*

Oscar: Oh, c'mon! I spoiled you guys on this before hand.

Ernie: We know. It's more exciting when you pretend that it's completely unexpected.

Oscar:*frowns*

“Or cheap parlor tricks to conceal your true identity…Ra’s?” I asked him, and he smiled in acknowledgement, while Kermit the Frog chuckled over his own mistake.

“Oh, so he’s Ra’s Al Ghul. My bad.” Kermit said, and he spoke to Ducard/Ra’s Al Ghul in the same loud way that he spoke to the Asian. “I did pronounce your name right, didn’t I?” With all due respect to Kermit the Frog, the matter between Ra’s Al Ghul and us was none of his business, and he needed to mind his own before he put himself in serious danger.

Oscar: Is that so hard to say out loud?

Bert/Ernie: YES!

Luckily, Sean knew exactly how to drive him away from our situation.

“Kermit, Kermit…I thought I saw a few flies in that cake over there. Have at it!” I told him, and with much glee, Kermit hopped over to the buffet table, while we confronted Ra’s. “I don’t get it. Why would you make Bruce and the Xiaolin monks assume that you were nothing more than just a common assistant, instead of the real deal?”

“Now, hold on a second!” Shaggy exclaimed, holding his arms high in the air in protest and then pointing at Ra’s. “Who is this guy? How come we didn’t find out about his involvement in this mystery until this very moment?”

“Because you twerps hadn’t meddled early enough to find out at the time the rest of us did.”

Ernie: Uh-oh.

Oscar: Whaddya mean "uh-oh"? It's me.

Ernie: I know. You're a bad guy now.

Oscar: Oh, please.

A different voice yelled out, and I noticed how several guests were holding their noses and covering their mouths with disgusted looks on each of their faces, as they parted ways to allow Oscar the Grouch to walk up to our location. Sean, Count, and Elmo were really surprised and overjoyed to see him there, safe and unharmed; however, Oscar didn’t feel the same way. “Don’t pretend like you missed me or even wondered where I’ve been! Ya didn’t even hear me scream, as I was carried away by that literally stupid redhead kid and that blonde girl who’s even grouchier than me.”

When Oscar spoke of the two characters named Billy and Mandy, we were surprised to see them there at the party. Mandy was insulting some of the guests, telling them that they would soon pay for their “greedy ways,” while Billy was…um…“making bubbles with his butt” in the punch bowl. One of the guests, an elderly man who was a friend of my family’s, had approached me and demanded for Billy, Mandy, and Oscar to be removed from the premises.

“Hey, hey! Butt out, geezer!” Oscar told the man. “We haven’t yet unveiled the big plot twist yet.” I exchanged awkward glances with Sean, who was just as puzzled by that statement as I was.

“Oscar, what’re you talking about?” He asked, and Oscar let out a deep, wicked chuckle.

Oscar: "Deep"? "Wicked"? Wow. Muppet Writer sure laid in on thick in this part of the story. I like it. Heh, heh.

Ernie: You really do make a great villain, Oscar.

Oscar: What's that supposed to mean? I'm a terrible villain and don't forget it!

“You know, when I first heard about this ‘League of Shadows’ thing, I thought it was all a bunch of rotten boloney.” Oscar said. “But then, after being kidnapped by Billy and Mandy here and taken to their hideout, I realize that they’re only here in Gotham to make everyone grouchier than they already are.”

“And that’s supposed to be a good thing?” Sean asked, and I sensed a bit of anger in his voice, as we all began to realize the “big plot twist” that was unfolding before us.

“Hey, in my experience as a common grouch, that’s a marvelous thing!” Oscar remarked. “All they had to do was tell me that they’re planning the biggest ‘Grouchfest’ Gotham City has ever seen, and I offered my services to them.”

Bert: So that's where the title of the story plays in? One big "Grouchfest", eh? *laughs*

Oscar:*mocks Bert's laugh* Yeah, what of it? One of these days I'm gonna throw one big "Grouchfest" in Sesame Street. And those sunny days and magic carpet rides won't be around like they always are. More like sweet garbage and rainy days. Heh, heh!

“YOU WHAT?” Sean and the others screamed in horror.

“Sure. I love to see a bunch of grouchy people go at it with one another. It’s always been my biggest dream.” Oscar said, and as he was talking, I noticed how several of the party guests were starting to leave the manor. However, there were some that stayed behind, and just when I thought they probably didn’t mind the unruly guests that had arrived, I realized that they were actually members of the League of Shadows.

“Oscar, do you even know what is happening here?” Sean angrily asked the grouch. “That toxin that affected Bruce and nearly killed our friends, including poor Elmo, is going to be unleashed all over the city! It’s not going to just make everyone grouchy…it’s going to kill them all!” We could see the worried look on Oscar’s face telling us that he realized he made a mistake. But then he shook off the voice of reason that was talking in his head and pretended as if he hadn’t heard a word that Sean said.

Ernie: Hey, you do have a heart, Oscar.

Oscar: Yeah, yeah. It started soundin' like a bad idea after all. But I tell ya, if no one was to get hurt from this, we would've thrown a party bigger than Elmo's Christmas ones, only less mistletoe and more leftover rotten lettuce. Heh!

“You just can’t stand the fact that Gotham’s a bad city, can ya? The complete opposite of that goody-two-shoes home you call Metropolis!” Oscar told Sean. “Well, you know what? I’m tired of Metropolis, I’m tired of Sesame Street, and I’m tired of the rest of the world! Gotham’s my new home now, and I’m gonna make sure it becomes one of the grouchiest places in the world!” I could clearly see how much Sean had been fuming over Oscar’s betrayal and oblivious behavior, while Elmo and Count seemed very distraught by it. The Xiaolin monks were just ready to fight Ra’s Al Ghul and his League of Shadows, while the Mystery Inc. gang was still trying to go over their clues and figure out what was going on. Meanwhile, I was keeping my mind focused on the subject at hand: the master plan of Ra’s Al Ghul.

“Crane was working for you.” I said.

“His toxin is derived from the organic compound in our blue poppies, the same ones that was used during your first test to obscure your focus.” Ra’s Al Ghul said, and when I looked over at the Xiaolin monks, they were impressed by that fact at the same time they were angered by it. “Crane was able to weaponize the compound. He is a brilliant scientist, but no visionary. He just wanted money and power.”

Oscar: Don't we all?

Bert/Ernie: Oscar!

Oscar: Ya know, I'm gonna change my name just for the heck of it. *sarcastic*

“And where do the rest of these people fit in? The Heylin? The two kids from Endsville?” I asked, very curiously.

“The Heylin warriors, Jack Spicer and Wuya, were promised a hefty sum of Shen Gong Wu in return for their services. Soon after Gotham is dealt with, the League of Shadows will assist them in finding the artifacts and helping them gain the upper hand in their war against the Xiaolin warriors.” Hearing that made the monks themselves become increasingly furious, especially considering the fact that they almost asked for the League of Shadows to join forces with them until they found out about their demented plot. “As for the children from Endsville, they are mere flukes to this situation. They just happen to be neighbors of Jack Spicer and heard about his involvement with our plans and us. They just want to witness the chaos that will take place, once Gotham tears itself apart through fear.” I could hear Billy chuckling with glee over the thought itself, while I saw Mandy just maintain the morbid look on her face.

“I only see one horseshoe that’s caught in your gears, Mr. Al Ghul.” Clay said. “What good are you gonna be in your little plan, without Jack and Wuya by your side?”

“He’s probably clawing at those padded walls right now, while Wuya’s just looking on.” Raimundo added, and Ra’s just smiled at them, not seeming very intimidated.

“On the contrary, Raimundo…Mr. Spicer will soon be back to his senses and released from Arkham Asylum, along with Crane and several other inmates, all helping us bring our task into fruition.” While Ra’s was revealing his plans to us, we were moved to the hallway that led to the study.

“You’re going to destroy millions of lives.” I told him, but he did not seemed to be bothered from that fact.

“Only a cynical man would call what these people have ‘lives’.” Ra’s remarked. “Crime…Despair…This is not how man was supposed to live.”

“OK. So they’ve made a few mistakes over the centuries…they’re learning to make up for it now.” Dojo told Ra’s.

“It is too late for making up past mistakes.” Ra’s contradicted. “The League of Shadows has been a check against human corruption for thousands of years. We sacked Rome. Loaded trade ships with plague rats. Burned London to the ground. Every time a civilization reaches the pinnacle of its decadence, we return to restore the balance.”

Bert: Oh, my. What evil men!

Oscar: Yeah, they're great in their own way, aren't they? Heh, heh!

“But Gotham isn’t beyond saving, Ra’s.” Kimiko tried to explain to himself. “Give us more time.”

“Yes, please, Ra’s Al Ghul.” Omi pleaded. “There are good people here.”

Oscar: Word of advice--never say "please" or "good" to a guy who represents all forms of evil. I'm just sayin'.

“You are defending a city so corrupt we have infiltrated every level of its infrastructure.” Ra’s refused, turning to me and seeming as if he was changing to a different tone. “When I found you in that jail, you were lost. But I believed in you, taking away your fear and showing you a path. You were my greatest student.”

As he told me this, I wasn’t certain whether to feel honored or ashamed, because all that he said was true. I was lost in that Bhutanese jail, after losing all that I had cared so deeply about: Rachel, my mother, my father…everything. Everything that I had become at that very moment was all because of Ra’s. But should I repay him for his teachings by helping him destroy a city that had more innocent lives than guilty ones?

Bert: N-No! The answer is no, of course!

Ernie: I don't think he can hear ya, Bert.

Bert: W-Well I wish he could. This isn't right at all.

“It should be you standing by my side, saving the world.” Ra’s concluded, but I could not let him do what was beyond my purpose of becoming Batman.

“My friends and I will be standing where I belong…between you and the people of Gotham.” I said, and Ra’s was not too pleased with my words, immediately going back to a more forceful attitude.

Bert: Good going, Batman...I-I mean, Bruce...I mean, Mr. Wayne...Or, uh...

Oscar: OH, WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF!

“No one can save Gotham.” He said, right before he nodded to his men, who commenced turning over my furniture and setting fire to everything in the manor. My friends seemed very nervous about what was going on, and I needed to get them out before it was too late. “Tomorrow the world will watch in horror as its greatest city destroys itself. The movement back to harmony will be unstoppable this time.” When he told me that, it was almost like I was over what he told me before and more surprised than ever over the fact that the League of Shadows had attacked Gotham before. “Over the ages our weapons have grown more sophisticated. With Gotham, we tried a new one…economics. But we underestimated certain of Gotham’s citizens…such as your parents.”

My eyes grew wide when he told me that, and my mind began to race, feeling myself being brought back to all of those horrible memories of watching them bleed to death in a Gotham alley.

“Gunned down by one of the very people they were trying to help.” Ra’s said, obviously trying to use painful thoughts as one last attempt to join him in his sadistic plot. But he was only making me angry. “Create enough hunger and everyone becomes a criminal. Their deaths galvanized the city into saving itself and Gotham has been limping ever since. We are back to finish the job. And this time no misguided idealists will get in the way.” I stared coldly into his eyes, while the hallway we were standing in began to flame up more and more, scattering burning ashes everywhere. “Like your father, you lack the courage to do all that is necessary. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart.” And just as soon as he said that, one of the Mystery Inc. kids screamed out to me, as soon as they noticed something (or someone) coming up from behind.

Bert: Mr. Wayne, look out!

“Mr. Wayne, look out!” Fred cried, and I quickly turned away from Ra’s, facing one of the League of Shadows members and taking him down with a blow to the head by a wine glass. When I turned back to Ra’s, he already had a sword out and ready to take me down. I grabbed the arm he was using to hold it and forced him to move it at the right side of my torso. Unfortunately, it wasn’t far enough from my body for me to avoid it, and I ended up being nicked by it slightly. The pain was intense, but it didn’t keep me from fighting Ra’s.

“I am gonna stop you.” I told him, and he looked at me with that same sinister, confident smile. I could feel his grip on the sword that he had been holding increasing greatly, while mine was slowly beginning to weaken, due to the pain in my side.

“You never did mind your surroundings, Bruce.” He said, and before I knew it, I was pushed away by him, just as a section of the burning roof dropped onto me. The last thing that I saw before blackening out was Ra’s glaring at Count, Elmo, the Mystery Inc. kids, and the Xiaolin monks before exiting the flaming manor with his men.

When I had regained consciousness, I noticed how Alfred had returned from taking Rachel home and was helping the others remove the burning wood off of me. Both Alfred and Sean helped me to my feet and carried me to the study, while being accompanied by Count, Elmo, Mystery Inc., and the Xiaolin monks, and once we were there, Alfred jabbed at the flaming piano keys to open the bookcase and take us to the wrought iron spiral staircase.

Oscar: Ya know what confuses me? The fact that all these people could fit in such a cramped space. I mean shouldn't they feel crowded or somethin' in there?

Count: And I thought I vas the expert on numbers. Ah-ah-ah!

We crawled onto the lift, as the smoke and flame exploded through the passage. Alfred yanked the lever, dropping us out of the heat, and we speeded down the shaft, landing hard at the bottom. While Alfred and my other companions were coughing up the smoke they had accidentally inhaled and trying to regain their breath, I stared up at the spiral, seeing the sparks and firelight high above. The crash of collapsing timbers echoed down as Wayne Manor died…all because of me.

“What have I done?” I asked, with tears streaming from my eyes (not because of the smoke, but the pain of ruining all that my family had worked so hard for over the centuries). “Everything my family…everything my father and his father built…”

“The Wayne legacy is more than bricks and mortar, sir.” Alfred told me, but I was too lost in my despair to even realize that.

“I thought I could…help Gotham…but I’ve failed.”

“Nonsense!” Omi exclaimed, his voice echoing throughout the shaft, and I look down from the fire above to see how bruised and smudged they all had looked that moment. “You have done much for this city in recent days, Bruce Wayne, as you masquerade as the terror to criminals known as the Batman. We have helped you bring honor into this fair city, and we have not come this far to just sit on our butts and give up.” I gave a little smile at Omi, who smiled at me in return.

“The lad has a point, Master Bruce.” Alfred said. “Why do we fall?” My eyes gleamed at Alfred, as he was about to tell me something that my father had always told me when I was as young as Omi. “So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up.”

“Still haven’t given up on me?” I asked Alfred, as well as the rest of my old and new friends.

“We’re with you one hundred percent on this, Bruce.” Sean said. “We’re willing to help you do whatever it takes to save Gotham.” I looked from the grinning face of Detective Thomas to those of Count, Elmo, Mystery Inc., and the Xiaolin warriors, who all nodded in agreement to what Sean had said. Finally, I looked back to Sean and, with a smile, gave him my hand to help bring me back up to my feet. “Let’s make your father and my sister proud…Batman.” And with that being said, we immediately went to work.

END OF CHAPTER EIGHT​

Bert: Oh, wow. You know, I'm really excited to see how the final chapter turns out. I was enjoy climaxes like this. It's so fun!

Oscar: That makes one of us. Heh!

Ernie: Oh, come on, Oscar. You can't tell me that you're going to enjoy the ninth chapter as much as the rest of us. You do something really heroic in that one.

Oscar: Which is the reason it's my least favorite chapter. You twerps can sit here and comment on it all, but I'm outta here. *gets up and leaves*

Bert/Ernie:*out of sync* Oh, no. Come back, Oscar. Come on! Please! (Whoops. I said "please" to a Grouch.)

Count: One...One chapter left to go! And one commentator vanished! My, this is quite dramatic, isn't it?

 

[muppetwriter]

Bert: The final chapter! This should be really exciting.

Ernie: Yeah. But I wish Oscar didn't have to leave though.

Bert: Never mind about him, Ernie. Let's just enjoy the last half of the story.

Count: One...Two...Three! Here ve go! Ah-ah-ah!

Chapter Nine​

Though the “detective clothes” that I wore before the party were burned in the fire, I had some spare ones to switch out of my smudged tuxedo and into them, right before I took one of Bruce’s fancy, expensive cars to the Narrows, with Elmo and the Mystery Inc. kids accompanying me. As we drove to the city, several thoughts ran through my mind, such as what could be happening that very moment in the Narrows (with all of those Arkham inmates released and running amok through the neighborhood), whether or not Ra’s Al Ghul, Jack Spicer, Wuya, Billy, Mandy, and the League of Shadows warriors (along with that treacherous snake, Oscar) were already there and commencing with their plans, and how long would it take Batman, Count, and the Xiaolin monks to get there in time.

Count: Oh, how I have forgotten! Ve have more than one character narrating this time.

Bert: That's right, Count. This part is narrated by Detective Thomas. Pretty neat.

Ernie: Looks like it was a good thing Oscar wasn't here to commentate on this, because I don't think he'd like how Detective Thomas called him a "treacherous snake".

Bert: Knowing Oscar, he would've enjoyed it.

When we were within Gotham’s limits, we approached the bridge to the narrows, only to see how cop cars were blocking it. Police were in riot gear; some of them were on horseback. It would be impossible to get in, without being stopped by the Gotham authorities. However, I spotted Rachel Dawes at the scene and then got an idea.

“You all stay here.” I ordered Elmo and Mystery Inc.

“No way. Meddling is what we do best, Detective.” Fred told me.

“The situation is way too dangerous now.” I retorted. “And you kids have already been in enough danger as it is.”

“You know, ya have to agree with him, because I’m still feeling the effects of that toxin as it is.” Shaggy said, and I noticed how Scooby had given him an odd look, as if to say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I feel fine.” But when Shaggy also took notice of his look, he nudged the Great Dane in the side and urged him to appear as if he was still suffering the toxin’s affects as well.

Count: Vhat two big hams! Ah-ah!

“Detective Thomas, you have to let us come with you.” Velma insisted. “We all agreed to pitch in and help save this city.” Velma had me there; we all did take a bit of an oath before leaving what used to be Wayne Manor in stopping the whole evil plot. It would be only fair to let these meddling kids come with me. But you have to give them credit in being so brave to come (at least when I say “brave,” I’m referring to Velma, Daphne, Freddy, and Elmo—not Shaggy and Scooby).

“Elmo,” I said, most concerned about him more than everyone else. “Promise me that you’ll stay close to us at all times. Okay, buddy?”

“Elmo promises, Detective Thomas.” He said, and I gave him a little smile, before leading them all out of the car and over to Rachel Dawes, who was just about to approach one of the police officers guarding the bridge.

“Miss Dawes!” She immediately turn to see me, as soon as I shouted her name, pleased to see me at the same time she was worried.

“You shouldn’t be here, Detective. This is…”

“Way out of my jurisdiction. I know.” I was actually getting a little tired of everyone telling me that. “But I’ve met with the Batman, and he’s given me some information that might help us stop all of this madness, so I need to get past these officers. And with a Gotham City District Attorney like you at my side, they wouldn’t dare keep me away.” Rachel grinned over my confidence, but that grin quickly faded, once she noticed the peculiar characters with me. “Don’t worry. They’re here to help.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Rachel said, right before she led us over to the Gotham police officer that (of course) did his job and try to keep us from getting through. “We’re about to raise these bridges.”

“Officer, we have information relevant to this situation, so let us pass.” Rachel said, with such a forceful attitude that left the officer with no choice but to let all of us past through.

Bert: Wow. When you're part of the law, everyone sure does show you a lot of respect.

Ernie: Yeah, but you're also just as grouchy as Oscar. *snickers*

Bert: Ernie, let it go.

We were followed by several armed police officers that immediately went to work on all of the rioters that were infecting the neighborhood more than it had already been. While we were moving further and further into the chaos, I turned and looked at Elmo, who was moving very close to Daphne and seeming to be scared by it all. He shouldn’t have been there; it was not a territory he was all that familiar with.

Bert: Elmo sure has gone through most in these stories than every other Sesame Street character involved, including us.

Count: That's one brave furry red monster.

“Harassment! I see police harassment!” I heard a man shout, and I looked to where he had been shouting and noticed Detective Flass aiming a gun right at an innocent bystander.

“Maybe you’d like to see some excessive force.” Flass threatened.

“I’m not messing with a madman who has a gun!” The bystander yelled.

“SHUT UP!” Flass screamed furiously, and I moved away from the group for a moment to run over to him and try to calm him down.

“Hey, Flass! Cool it!” I demanded, and one look at me made him even angrier, as he took the butt of his gun and slammed it against the side of my head, knocking me down to the ground. While I was sitting there on the asphalt and putting my right hand over the bleeding scar on the side of my head, a group of officers stepped and moved Flass away from me, before he could do any more harm. Detective Gordon suddenly appeared and helped me to my feet, just as Rachel and the others approached us.

Ernie: Boy, I sure can't imagine ever being in the middle of that much chaos.

Bert: Yeah, even for fiction, this is a pretty scary situation.

“You okay, Detective Thomas?” Daphne asked me.

“I’ll live.” I responded, soon after Gordon turned to Rachel, seeing the two vials that Bruce (as Batman) had given her earlier.

“What are you all doing here?” Gordon said. “It’s pandemonium all around.”

“The Batman sent us with some information and this.” Rachel said, handing him the two vials. “It counteracts Crane’s toxin. Hopefully you won’t need it.”

“Not unless he’s got some way of getting that crap into the air.” Gordon stated, which was where the rest of us had stepped in.

Bert: Can he say that word in this story?

Ernie: Don't worry, Bert. The readers are over 13. They're old enough to handle language like that.

Bert: Oh, what a relief.

“He has.” Fred said.

“He’s using a special machine to vaporize all of the city’s toxin-polluted water supply.” Velma informed him. “I’m not sure when exactly, but in moments, everyone on this island and in the rest of the city is going to be breathing in his ‘medicine’.” Both Gordon and Rachel looked at Velma in shock, which was the initial reaction that I was expecting from them.

“We better get you all off the island before they raise the bridges.” Gordon said, and Elmo and Mystery Inc. looked towards me.

“You kids go ahead and get back to the other side with Miss Dawes. I’m going to stay here with Detective Gordon.” I demanded, and they were about to deny my order, until I revoked them of the opportunity to do so, sounding a bit more forceful than before. “Go! Get your butts back to the other side! Now!” I didn’t want to talk to them that way (I actually only talk that way to perpetrators—never anyone else), but it was important to get them to safety.

Ernie: Everyone's going to be seeing a lot more of that "grouchy" side of Detective Thomas in the next story.

Bert: Especially considering how Oscar is involved, too.

Once a patrolman guided them away with Rachel, I was left standing in the midst of the chaos with Flass and Gordon. I want to at that moment tell Gordon about all of the dirty work Flass had been doing for Crane, Falcone, and everyone else involved in this mess; but I just assumed that a smart cop like him already knew.

While I was praying that Rachel and those meddling kids were safely off the island, I heard a screeching noise above us. I looked up to where the city’s monorail tracks were and noticed how the train had come to a complete stop above the Narrows. It kind of confused to see something like that happen, and I continued wondering how exactly was Ra’s and his cronies were going to go about doing their plans. All I wanted to know was how long was it going to take my friends to get there.

Bert: Well that takes care of Sean Thomas's narration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Ernie: Now it's time for Oscar's.

Boy, do I hate consciences! And did I ever hate that Sean Thomas for talking that way to me about Ra’s Al Ghul’s plans for the “Gotham Grouchfest”! I wanna know what the heck was so wrong about a bunch of people being grouchy! It ain’t like no one was gonna get hurt…were they? Geez! I didn’t know what was goin’ on anymore. I mean, I never really cared whether people got angry with me for doing things that I know were stupid (I kinda really enjoy it, to be honest). But Detective Tommy really did get sore with me for siding with Ra’s on this whole “grouchfest” thing, not to mention how sad Elmo and Count looked. I just didn’t see what was so bad about it.

Ernie: Wow. The Muppet Writer sure does know how Oscar thinks, doesn't he?

Bert: Yeah. I've always been afraid of getting into the head of Oscar the Grouch, because I might see things that would make me feel down. But I never knew he was so...sad.

Ernie: Good thing you couldn't get into it, Bert.

Bert: Huh?

Ernie: You'd be too big. *snickers*

Bert: Ernie.

“I envy you, Mr. Grouch.” Ra’s Al Ghul said, as we made it to the Narrows, which was already turning into one big grouchy area. “To live in a peaceful, pleasant neighborhood like Sesame Street and not have to worry about being infested with the crime and unbalance that this city has suffered from.”

“Well, hey, S.S. is definitely no Gotham, if that’s what you’re sayin’.” I told him, not really getting where he was comin’ with this, when we were minutes away from making everyone have a rotten day. “But I would trade all that peacefulness and pleasantry for all of the garbage in this city any day.”

“Really now?” Ra’s said, with a smirk on his face.

“Well…yeah…maybe.” I couldn’t really give him a straight answer, because somewhere deep down (and I mean deep), I don’t really mind all of those morons on Sesame Street. But one grouch can only take so much of “the letter of the day” or “the number of the day.”

Bert: Hey, I like the letter W!

Count: And I just love to count! Ah-ah-ah!

Ernie: Hmm...I can see what he means. *snickers*

“But who cares about that place? In a few moments, I’m gonna be living the life of luxury in what will soon be the grouchiest place in the world.” Ra’s Al Ghul chuckled (couldn’t get why), as both us and Billy and Mandy came up to where his boys were movin’ a big machine into place under the monorail train and bindin’ it into a hoist. Didn’t know what the machine was for and didn’t really care.

“My green friend, I think you should enjoy the moments this city has left.” Ra’s said to me. “Because after we succeed in our plans, there’ll be nothing left of it.” I gave Ra’s a funny look, as that stupid redheaded kid named Jack Spicer showed up with his ghost friend named Wuya, wearin’ an orange jumpsuit and lookin’ a bit peeved.

“About time you guys got be thinking straight again! I thought I was going to miss all of the fun, especially after spending hours salivating in front of a bunch of doctors!” Jack complained, which I actually took pleasure in hearin’. “Man! I feel like a big fool right now!”

“And you’re just starting to?” Wuya asked him (I love the sarcasm that got thrown around there).

Bert:*laughs* Actually that was kind of funny.

“Hey, hey!” Jack yelled, while pointing at me. “What’s the grouch doin’ here? He’s supposed to be on the other team’s side!” That’s when Billy and Mandy had walked up next to me, each of us glaring at Jack.

“He wants to watch the chaos take place with us.” Mandy said, and she balled her fists at Jack, makin’ the punk really nervous. “You don’t have a problem with that, do ya?” Jack just smiled nervously and waved his hands at her.

“N-N-No. I-I-It’s fine with me.” He stuttered, and I grinned at Mandy, who impressed me each time she told people to take a hike. While I watched my new friends continue workin’ on that stupid machine, some kid came up from behind and asked one of Ra’s boys a stupid question.

“Have you seen my mom?” The kid asked, and Ra’s man just took his hand and shoved his hand in the kid’s face, pushing him away. Had to confess that kinda seemed too grouchy to me.

Ernie: There's actual a limit to Oscar's grouchiness? Who knew?

“HEY!” Somebody yelled, and some of us rolled our eyes when we saw that Rachel Dawes dame come up to us with those stupid Mystery Inc. kids and Elmo (who still wasn’t too happy to see me).

“Buzz off, will ya?” I told them.

“You’re really making a big mistake, Oscar!” Fred shouted. “Lives are going to be destroyed because of this.” I really wish these party-crashers would just shut up, because I was starting to losing interest there. I was kinda glad Ra’s stepped in when he did, because I had someone to shut the yaps on these kids.

“Gentlemen…time to spread the word.” He said, and I noticed how Billy, Mandy, Jack, and Ra’s boys were putting on some funny lookin’ masks. “And the word for the day is…panic.” After making that obvious S.S. reference, Ra’s pressed a button on the machine that sent some weird pulse of energy everywhere and caused pipes, taps, and drains to explode with pressurized steam. As they had, I looked at Elmo, Dawes, the stupid kid, and those Mystery morons, seeing how they were diving for cover and coughing from the steam. I then looked at Ra’s, seeing how he had put on a mask of his own.

Ernie: Oh, no! It's happening again!

“Hey, I didn’t know this was a costume party!” I complained (which was what I do best). “Where’s my mask?”

“Don’t worry.” Ra’s told me. “The toxin won’t affect you, because you’re already ‘grouchy’.” I wasn’t worried about that stupid toxin…I just wanted to know how come I didn’t have a mask!

~~~~~~~~~~~​

I didn’t know where Bruce, Count, or those Xiaolin monks were, but as soon as I saw those manhole covers and fire hydrants exploding, hissing and releasing geysers of steam all around Flass, Gordon, the other officers, and me, I started to panic. However, my anxiety soon began to increase rapidly, as I was starting to feel the effects of the toxin. Faces all around me looked dreadful and frightening…even my own hands were beginning to “melt away” and become nothing more than skeletal replacements.

Bert: Oh, my! That is very frightening!

“Oh…god!” I yelled, looking away from my hands and seeing everyone else near me, including a demonic version of Gordon, who was already injecting the antidote into his system.

“Are you alright?” He asked me, not sounding like himself anymore. His voice sounded deeper and sinister, almost as if he was possessed by the devil. But then it started to twist a little and sound more familiar. “Do you need me to help you?” As soon as he asked me that, I pulled out my gun and aimed it directly at him, nearly pulling the trigger. Because of that **** toxin, I was led to believe that I was facing Lori’s killer, who was actually dead.

“No. No! NOOOOO!” I screamed, trying to fight the voices…the images flashing in my head. I wanted to shoot the person in front of me, thinking it was the ******* who murdered my sister while she was on duty. But I had to force myself to think rationality. It was Detective Gordon who was in front of me…not him. But the more Gordon spoke to me and the more I looked at him, it was all starting to become too real for me. So, instead of standing there and facing him, I fled into the nearest alleyway I could find, getting away from everyone who looked and sounded too much like Lori’s murderer at that time.

Ernie: Who's the murderer?

Bert: I can't believe that word just came out of your mouth.

Ernie: Well, where else could it have come out of, Bert? *snickers*

Bert:*rolls eyes* Ernie, I think we have to talk with the Muppet Writer about putting us into PG-13 stories. Because I'm getting concerned about you.

~~~~~~~~~~~​

Ernie: Hey, everything's so purple. Who's narrating now?

Bert: It's Daphne again.

Ernie: Oh, that explains it. *snickers*

I held on tight to Elmo, as Fred, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby, and I hid in a shadowy area with Miss Dawes and that poor Narrows boy who suddenly found himself caught in the midst of this toxic fog that was hanging over the island. I could feel poor Elmo shivering under my grasp, obviously reminded of the toxin’s effects and becoming extremely scared of it there and then. I whispered into his ear (that is, if he had one) and told him to stay calm and that I was there to keep him protected.

Ernie: Elmo shaking under someone holding him. That sounds familiar. *snickers*

Bert: Ernie, this is serious!

“How come we’re not affected again?” Fred asked, and that was a good question, because despite us being really scared that moment, we weren’t seeing half of the strange things we saw when we were poisoned earlier.

“Who cares, man?” Shaggy asked in return. “As long as we’re not seeing four-eyed monsters with fangs and scales, we should consider ourselves lucky!”

Ernie: Hey, I know a monster like that at Sesame Street. Nice fellow...name's Roger. *snickers*

Bert: Don't you ever stop?

“Oh really, Shaggy?” Velma remarked, sarcastically. “Tell that to the rioters who are affected for the first time and just waiting to tear us to pieces.”

“VELMA!” I yelled, a little disturbed over the thought of being torn to pieces, and she looked at me sheepishly.

“Oops. Sorry.” Velma uttered, just before we looked up into the fog and saw Ra’s Al Ghul’s men hoisting the emitter up to the monorail. “Well, at least it can’t get any worse than this.”

“Oh, I seriously doubt that!” A voice said from behind, which was followed by a dragging noise. We all turned to see a horse emerging from the fog. Crane was riding the horse in that ridiculous Scarecrow mask again, with a dead mounted policeman dragging along behind, his boot caught in the stirrup.

“Crane!” Rachel cried.

“No!” He remarked, sinisterly. “Scarecrow!” I wasn’t sure if I was hearing things or maybe we were being affected by the toxin again, but his voice sounded much deeper and more menacing when he said “Scarecrow.” Whoever or whatever he was at that moment didn’t matter to us, as we chased us through the foggy streets on horseback.

~~~~~~~~~~~​

Bert: It's back to Sean again.

I wasn’t certain of where I was, because that toxin had completely eradicated my focus on things. The walls were starting to mold into the image of Lori’s killer and reach out at me, forcing me to fire all the bullets I had in my gun at the wall. When all I heard was clicking noises coming out of it, I threw it down on the ground and continued running. I ran and ran until I found myself near people again. What was worst was that the first person I saw was Flass, who was more affected by the toxin than I was.

“DON’T MOVE!” He told me, and even he sounded like my sister’s murderer, pointing his gun at me and seeming to be ready to fire it. But then someone came up from behind him and bashed him over the head with something, knocking him out cold. Before I had the chance to even try to make out who it was, I felt a slight pricking sensation in the back of my right thigh that left me falling to the asphalt again and screaming.

Bert: It's good to know Muppet Writer doesn't mind putting himself through so much in his stories. Because I'd be terrified if this were all me. *frowns*

Before I knew it, everything was starting to seem clear again, and the voices around me weren’t sounding like Lori’s killer anymore. Blinking my eyes and regaining my focus, I looked up to see Detective Gordon handcuffing Flass someplace where the authorities would find him and take him off to jail where he belonged. I took my focus off Gordon for a moment to look at the back of my thigh and see how there was a syringe sticking out from it. After slowly pulling the syringe out from my thigh, I looked around to see who it was that might’ve injected me with the antidote. But I could only hypothesize that it was Gordon who cured me.

“I owe you one.” I told him, as he came up to check on me.

“I didn’t do it.” Gordon said, and when he told me that, I was a bit confused. Before I could ask him who it was, he took his walkie-talkie and spoke into it.

Count: Oh, my! Suspense all around! How splendid! Ah-ah-ah!

“Loeb! Loeb! This is Gordon!” He shouted. “We need reinforcements. TAC teams, SWAT, riot cops!”

“Gordon, all the city’s riot police are on the island with you!” Loeb informed him.

“Well, they’re completely incapacitated!” Gordon told him.

“There’s nobody left to send in.” Loeb said, and soon after he said that, I heard a familiar roaring noise approaching.

“So we’re on our own?” Gordon asked, looking worriedly at me, just as soon as something came crashing through a tiny alleyway, ripping metal sheets and drywall from both sides of it. Gordon and I turned to what had just literally busted into the scene: the Batmobile.

Bert/Ernie: HOORAY! BATMAN!

Count: One impressive entrance!

“No, we’re not.” I replied to Gordon’s question, as the first person to pop his head out from the opening cockpit was Count von Count.

“Vhat vas one grand entrance! Ah-ah-ah!” He said,

Bert: Wow. Nice call, Count.

Count: I remember this story like the back of my ving.

Bert: Ving?

Ernie: He means "wing". *snickers*

while Batman and the Xiaolin monks stepped out from the vehicle and approached Gordon and me. The mini-monks had noticed how I was bleeding from one side of my head, and they got a little worried.

“Oh, my gosh! Sean, are you okay?” Kimiko asked, and I just simply smiled at them, glad to even see that they were there at the scene.

“Never felt better.” I said, confusing them a little, especially Omi.

“Getting severely injured must be new remedy for lifting spirits.” He uttered, while Gordon filled Batman in on the details of what had been happening.

“The Narrows is tearing itself to pieces.”

“This is just the beginning.” Batman remarked. “If they hit the whole city with toxin, there’s nothing to stop Gotham from tearing itself apart.”

“How are they going to be able to do all of this?” Gordon asked.

“The train.” Kimiko replied. “The monorail follows the water mains to the central hub beneath Wayne Tower. If they get their machine to the station, it will cause a chain reaction that’ll vaporize the city’s water supply.”

“And we’re gonna stop him from loading that train.” Raimundo added.

“But we may need your help.” Batman suggested.

“Sure.” Gordon said, free-willing. “What do you need?”

“Can you drive stick?” Batman inquired, indicating the Batmobile. Gordon turned to me, seeming to be a little worried about operating such a massive vehicle, which was why Count and I volunteered to assist him.

Bert: You are so lucky, Count. Riding the Batmobile in the story. That's really neat.

Count: Mmm...you get used to it after some time. Ah-ah!

~~~~~~~~~~​

Ernie: Hey, look! Elmo's narrating now.

Elmo was so scared over all that was going on in the Narrows. People who were more scared than Elmo was were running away from Dr. Crane, who was wearing his scary mask and chasing us on that horsy (who was probably just as scared himself). Elmo and his friends tried to run as far away from the scary Dr. Crane as we could, but Elmo and his friends found ourselves trapped. Dr. Crane was talking to us in a voice that didn’t sound like his. It was so deep that Elmo could barely understand what he said, but all Elmo was able to make out was…

“There is nothing to fear…but fear itself!”

Ernie: Oh, no. It's worse than I thought!

Bert: I know. He's really crazy now, isn't he?

Ernie: No, I mean he's quoting history. It's turning into PBS now. *snickers*

Bert: You're becoming worse than Oscar, Ernie.

Elmo couldn’t figure out what Dr. Crane was talking about, but all Elmo knew was that it was making Miss Dawes and Elmo’s Mystery Inc. friends really angry. Dr. Crane had reared up the horsy and tried to get him to stomp on Elmo and his friends, but Miss Dawes had used a funny device to knock out Dr. Crane and make him fall sideways on the horsy. Elmo felt real bad for Dr. Crane, as Elmo watched him be dragged into the fog by the horsy.

“You alright, Elmo?” Daphne asked Elmo, and Elmo nodded slowly, not quite sure how much Elmo could take of everything.

“Zoinks!” Shaggy yelled, and usually when Shaggy says that word, it means something bad was coming. And Elmo and Elmo’s friends noticed how those unhappy people from Arkham Asylum was coming towards Elmo and his friends, looking like they were going to do some bad things.

“Don’t be scared.” Elmo looked up to see how the Narrows kid was looking down at Elmo, smiling. “Batman will save us. He will come. I know he will.” Elmo and the Narrows kid looked back at the unhappy Arkham people, who were coming closer and closer.

Count: This is one bad situation.

“Hold onto me, Elmo. And don’t peek.” Daphne told Elmo, and Elmo did what she said, but couldn’t help but to stare back at those unhappy Arkham people, wondering why would they want to hurt Elmo and his friends. But that’s when something big and black came down and scared off the unhappy Arkham people, and then took Elmo and his friends high above the street. When Elmo and his friends found ourselves on a rooftop, we look to see what it was that grabbed us. It was Batman.

Bert/Ernie: HOORAY! BATMAN!

Count: That's two impressive entrances! Ah-ah-ah!

“I told you he’d save us.” The Narrows kid told Elmo, and Elmo was glad he did, because Elmo was worried there for a second.

“Perfect timing.” Daphne told Batman, as Elmo noticed how his new Xiaolin friends were with Batman, waving to Elmo with friendly smiles. Batman looked at Elmo and his friends for a moment, and then he went to the edge of the rooftop, just as Miss Dawes called out to him.

“Wait!” Batman turned and he faced Miss Dawes; he didn’t look so scary to Elmo, even while Elmo was sick from the funny smoke. “You could die. At least tell me your name.” Batman looked at Miss Dawes for a long time, and he said something that Elmo will never forget.

“It’s not who I am underneath…but what I do that defines me.” And then Miss Dawes had a look on her face that told Elmo that she had recognized who Batman really was.

“Bruce?” Before Miss Dawes could say anything more to him, Batman and the Xiaolin monks fell from the rooftop and went to save the day.

Ernie: Wow. You mean Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same person? Who knew?

Bert:*rolls eyes and moans* Ernie, you're too much, you know that?

Ernie:*snickers*

“Did we do good, Freddy?” Elmo asked him, and Fred looked at Elmo and the other Mystery Inc. members, smiling.

“Yeah, Elmo.” Fred said, playfully rubbing his fingers through Elmo’s furry head. “We did great.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Count: Look, Omi is now narrating.

My friends and I rode on the back of Dojo, gliding alongside Batman as we made our way to where Ra’s Al Ghul was loading the microwave emitter onto the monorail train. I was most discouraged of what had become of the Narrows after all that had happened. Everyone and everything was steaming, burning, and screaming. It was almost as if the end of the world had come, and we were getting a firsthand glimpse of it all. While Dojo flew higher into the sky and a few slight feet above Batman, I was able to see the wide sweep of the monorail tracks. I could see at that moment why Kimiko was fascinated by it all. It almost had the potential of being the perfect Xiaolin Showdown challenge…although I could not determine what the challenge would be and did not have the focus to at that time.

“Look! Over there!” Clay had shouted, pointing downwards to one particular spot on the street, where the ones known as Billy and Mandy were lying under a massive pile of garbage that was dumped from a nearby truck. They did not look pleased at all by it either.

Bert: Yuck! That's the last place I'd want to find myself: under all that garbage.

Ernie: Unless you're a Grouch.

“I wonder who could’ve done that to them.” Kimiko had said, but I had urged them to focus on the matter at hand, which was getting to Jack Spicer, Wuya, Ra’s Al Ghul, and the League of Shadows before it was too late. And when we had, we found them standing halfway beneath the structure of the monorail tracks, in the process of loading the microwave emitter onto the train. Batman, Kimiko, Clay, Raimundo, and I landed near them, while Dojo remained flying close nearby.

“Argh! I’m gettin’ tired of you guys butting into our business!” Jack Spicer had said, upon seeing us arrive.

“Well, well. You took my advice about theatricality a bit literally.” Ra’s Al Ghul had told Batman.

“Where’s the Grouch?” Raimundo had asked, referring to Oscar.

“Who cares? He decided to go off and ditch us at the last second!” Jack Spicer had told us, and we were a bit surprised by that information. Could it be that Oscar the Grouch had second thoughts? Or was he just part of some secret elaborate plan?

Ernie: Oscar and "secret elaborate plans"? One of these things is definitely not like the other. *snickers*

“It ends here, Ra’s.” Batman had said.

“For you and the police, maybe.” Ra’s had remarked. “My fight, however, lies with the rest of Gotham.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have a city to destroy.” Wuya had said, with a fierce cackle, as two of Ra’s Al Ghul’s ninjas stepped forward and challenged us.

“And leave us with just two butts to kick?” Kimiko had asked. “How disappointing.”

“As you wish.” Ra’s Al Ghul had said, just before he ordered five more ninjas and six of Jack Spicer’s robots to come down and confront us. I looked at Kimiko and gave her the most furious look I could muster, and she had just smiled bashfully at me. Before we had known it, Ra’s ninjas and Jack’s robots had tackled all of us off the monorail’s structure and brought our fight down to the streets below.

Count: Thirteen against five? Those are definitely uneven odds. *frowns*

The ninjas and the robots were a slice of pie to beat, but soon after our battle was when the poisoned victims of the toxin had appeared and began to topple over us. While we attempted to fight our way out of the madness, we had noticed the train above us starting to move down the monorail tracks. We needed to get out of our situation immediately, if we had wished to stop Jack, Wuya, and Ra’s Al Ghul.

“Hang onto me!” Batman told us, and Clay, Raimundo, Kimiko, and I did, just as he aimed his grappling hook into the air and fired it, attaching the hook to the underbelly of the train. Instantly, we were pulled away from the mob of poisoned victims and sent soaring through the air faster than Dojo could ever fly us, beneath the monorail tracks.

Ernie: That looks like lots of fun.

Bert: Yeah, dangerous fun.

~~~~~~~~~~​

Bert: Let's see what Sean's up to right now. *laughs*

Gordon made certain that he told the men operating the bridge to the Narrows that they lowered it immediately, if he, Count, and I were going to drive the Batmobile all the way to the location of Wayne Tower (as Batman had instructed us to). We could already see the manhole covers exploding in the wake of the moving overhead train (with the activated emitter inside), sending up fresh geysers of steam.

“Alright, Gordon! Let’s do it!” I shouted, and when Gordon pushed his hand against the throttle, we accidentally drove backwards and crashed against a newsstand, crumbling it to pieces.

“Oh, boy! That was one big mistake!” Count exclaimed, while I just glared at the embarrassed Gordon.

Bert: On second thought, I think I'll pass on riding the Batmobile anytime soon. *frowns*

“Sorry.” He told me, just before he drove in the right direction, crossing the bridge that led us towards Commissioner Loeb and the other Gotham police officers that dodged out of the way as we passed them. Count and I held on for dear life, as Gordon drove wobbly down the streets of Gotham, trying to get to Wayne Tower before Ra’s Al Ghul did. I could actually see Batman and the Xiaolin monks being dragged through the air by the overhead train, painfully crashing into different structures in the process.

“Either we get to Wayne Tower or they do.” I told Count and Gordon. “But if neither of us get there in time, the water supply right across the whole city is gonna blow!” Gordon made a hard right and caused Count and me to have our faces pressed up against the window.

“Sorry. I’m only doing what the GPS is telling me.” Gordon said, as we saw Wayne Tower a little further ahead of us.

Bert: You didn't get sick while in there, did you, Count?

Count: Oh, no. It vas definitely one amazing ride. Better than Six Flags even. Ah-ah!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Ernie: Hey, now we're getting a look from Batman's perspective.

The Xiaolin warriors and I needed to get inside that train, before I lost my grip on the grappling hook. We were lucky that none of the structures we had crashed into while dangling beneath the tracks at rapid speed hadn’t done any serious harm to us, because we needed all of the strength we had to stop Ra’s, Jack, and Wuya from succeeding in their goal. With one massive swing, I was able to bring us inside the train by crashing into one of the windows of the front car, where Ra’s, Jack, and Wuya were at the controls and the microwave emitter was sitting behind them. Needless to say, they weren’t too pleased to see us.

“WILL YOU NEVER STOP GETTING INTO OUR HAIR?” Jack screamed.

“No, we shall never stop, Jack Spicer.” Omi told him. “For our determination to stop you three from destroying this city will keep going strong, no matter how powerful yours is!”

Bert: Wow. That was really dramatic.

“Spare us the lame quotes, Omi.” Jack remarked. “Do you really think you can challenge us all to a Xiaolin Showdown on a moving train? Whether you beat us or not, this city’s goin’ down!”

“Challenging you to a Xiaolin Showdown was never our intentions, Jack Spicer.” Omi retorted. “But kicking your butt is!”

“Backing out of an opportunity to beat us the honorable way, Omi?” Wuya said, with a snicker. “Very unlike you.”

“DRILL THE HONORABLE WAY!” Omi yelled, just before he lunged at Jack and engaged in a rough fight with him. Kimiko, Clay, and Raimundo seemed shocked at the same time they were confused over what Omi had said before fighting Jack.

“Did he actually mean to say…?” Raimundo began to ask, but Kimiko was quick to interrupt him.

“Better leave that one alone for now.” She said, while Clay took off his cowboy hat for a moment to scratch his head.

“I think the little partner should be careful, before he winds up with soap in his mouth.” Clay said, and they went to helping Omi fight Jack, while I had my eyes set on taking down Ra’s Al Ghul.

Bert: I think even Omi needs a talk with Muppet Writer. All of these G-rated characters change heavily to PG-13 in his stories.

Ernie: Actually, he's more like TV-Y7, Bert. *snickers*

“You will never learn.” He told me, just as he drew his sword from his cane again. I lunged at him, as he swung his sword at me. I parried with my gauntlet, sparks striking off the metal scallops. Ra’s then swung his cane, but I trapped it in my scallop. With a twist from my arm, I was able to send the cane spinning away from Ra’s grasps. “Familiar!” Ra’s thrust his sword at my chest, just as soon as I dodged left. He then attempted to strike down at my head, but then I crossed my arms, catching the sword in the scallops of both of my gauntlets and holding fast. “Don’t you have anything new?”

“How ‘bout this?” I yelled, just before I yanked my arms in opposite directions, breaking Ra’s Al Ghul’s sword in two. Nearby, in the middle of their fight, Jack and the Xiaolin monks noticed what I had done and were each impressed.

“Sweet!” They exclaimed, and then continued on fighting, while I kicked Ra’s in the chest and made him stumble back, losing his footing. With him momentarily distracted, I went near the controls and looked ahead to see Wayne Tower approaching.

Bert: Have we ever been approved for this much violence?

Ernie: Don't think so, Bert. But who's going to notice? It's the Internet, you know. *snickers*

~~~~~~~~~~~​

Count: To the Batmobile! Ah-ah!

After crashing into several parked cars and apologizing each time that he did, Gordon was able to get us to Wayne Tower. As soon as we stopped, I first thanked God that the three of us made it there alive and well, and then I told Gordon that he should slide into the front driving position if he wanted to fire the missiles at the support beams of the monorail track. Gordon just stared at me as if I was from outer space, not knowing what I was instructing him to do, while Count (who had somehow familiarized himself with the Batmobile’s controls) pressed the button that made Gordon slide into a horizontal position.

Bert: Looks like you got used to the Batmobile quicker than expected, Count.

Count: Counting so many buttons, I learned vhat each one does very quickly. Ah-ah!

“Try to stay focused, Gordon.” I said, and just as soon after I did, a cannon was fired from the nose of the Batmobile and found its target on one of the support beams, blasting it away. “Whoa!”

“Hexcellent!” Count exclaimed, and I looked at him strangely, wondering why he would add an “H” to that word.

Count: Just a little nod to another Count. Ah-ah!

~~~~~~~~~​

Ra’s Al Ghul foiled my attempt to stop the train by pulling me away from the controls and dismantled them afterwards. Of course, I counted on him doing that. I then commenced in grappling, punching, and kicking him all over the train, coming in between the fight that was taking place between the Xiaolin warriors and Jack Spicer. At one point in our battles, something hard bashed against the back of Jack Spicer’s head and sent him falling to the floor, slipping into unconsciousness. When we looked up to see who it was, we were surprised to discover that it was Oscar the Grouch, holding the dented lid to his trashcan (which he used to knock out Jack).

Bert/Ernie: HOOR...Oscar?

Count: One unexpected twist!

“Oscar?” The Xiaolin monks exclaimed, and the grouch gave a little snicker, while Wuya (hovering near the dismantled controls of the train) screamed in agitation.

“NOOOOO!” She yelled. “We can’t be defeated!”

“And we shall not be!” Ra’s shouted, just before he lunged at Oscar, grabbing both sides of his trashcan and then hurling both it and him through a nearby window. “Traitor!”

Bert/Ernie: OH, NO!

“OSCAR!” I screamed, along with the Xiaolin warriors, watching Oscar and the trashcan fall several feet to the street below, banging and thrashing against several things before hitting the concrete. With my attention distracted, Ra’s took the advantage of throwing me against several different parts of the train, before throwing me down on the floor. He then started to choke me, with his thumbs pushed deep into the flesh above my neckpiece, struggling uselessly against Ra’s Al Ghul’s iron grip.

“Don’t be afraid, Bruce.” He told me. “You are just an ordinary man in a cape. That’s why you couldn’t fight injustice…that’s why you can’t stop this train.”

“Who said anything about stopping it?” I asked him, and that’s when he looked up at the controls and realized what I made him do. Yes, the train was still going to its primary destination, only not in the direction that Ra’s originally intended it to go. Ra’s watched in shock as the last line of tracks leading straight to Wayne Tower up ahead were crumbling to pieces, thanks to Gordon, Count, and Sean and their great aim on the Batmobile. “You never learned to mind your surroundings!” With him distracted, I took the opportunity to push him all off me, and then pin him to the floor. Ra’s just looked at me calmly, as I had my fist high in the air.

“Have you finally learned to do what is necessary?”

“I won’t kill you…” I reached into my utility belt and pulled out a small controller and pressed the green button on it. That button sent a beeping noise to the tiny speaker I had Dojo place in his left ear, signaling him to fly down to the train and tear off the entire rooftop of that train car and cause massive gusts of wind to billow all around us.

Count: That's three impressive entrances, vith one bonus explosive addition! Ah-ah!

“But I don’t have to save you.” With one last look at Ra’s, I allowed my cloak to go rigid and catch the wind, allowing myself to be pulled away from Ra’s Al Ghul and into the air. The Xiaolin monks climbed onto Dojo and were carried away as well, and even Jack Spicer regained consciousness in time to escape through the helicopter built in his backpack with Wuya.

Ra’s Al Ghul had been left all alone (at least with the microwave emitter still on board with him) to ride the train off the monorail, crashing down into Wayne Plaza and digging into concrete. Metal was shredding, marble was shattering, dust clouds were flying, and parked cars were exploding. The train had disintegrated into burning rubble just short of the entrance to Wayne Station. It was a massive fiery destruction (most of it due to the destroyed microwave emitter), and above it all was I, the Batman, soaring in a high bank and riding the thermals, while staring down at Ra’s Al Ghul’s funeral pyre.

Count: And that's one violent exit. *gulps*

~~~~~~~~~~​

I could not believe what Gordon, Count, and I had succeeded in doing, all to avoid what could’ve been the most catastrophic event in the history of the world. As the three of us climbed out from the Batmobile, I looked back at the steam that was shooting out from the open manholes and noticed how they were beginning to subside, with the microwave emitter gone. I then looked up with Count and Gordon to see Batman in time to simply wave goodbye to him, knowing that we would eventually see him again in due time.

“Oscar!” I heard someone shout nearby, and I turned my head to notice the Xiaolin monks being placed back on the street by Dojo, who immediately shrunk to his normal size afterwards. Moving away from Gordon and Count, I ran over to the monks’ location, and as soon as I got there, I was looking down at what they were: Oscar’s mangled, ravaged, crippled trashcan lying in the street with his limp green legs and feet sticking out from where the bottom was.

Bert: Poor Oscar. I mean, I know he was a grouch. But what a great grouch he was. *frowns*

Ernie:*sniffs* Yeah.

Count: One very sad scene.

“He had done a most honorable thing before he was thrown from the train.” Omi said, and I looked over to the monks, seeing how each of their eyes was beginning weld with tears as they gazed at the remains of the trashcan and Oscar. “He had helped us defeat Jack Spicer, Wuya, and Ra’s Al Ghul…and save Gotham City.” My eyes were starting to tear up as well, realizing that Oscar had actually felt guilty for hurting everyone and tried to make up for it by doing something that cost him his grouchy life.

“Oh, Oscar.” I muttered, kneeling down to the asphalt and placing a hand over one section of his beaten-up trashcan. “A simple ‘I’m sorry’ would’ve sufficed, pal. But…I knew you had to prove that you were truly sorry.” My voice was beginning to break as I spoke to his remains. “I’m just sorry that you were forced to do it, because even though we felt betrayal by what you had done…we knew it only happened because you were misguided and didn’t understand what was…Oh, Oscar!” At that point, I just broke down and cried, feeling like I had lost another great person in my life.

“Oh, knock it off with the waterworks, ya big crybaby!” A voice bellowed within the remains of the ravaged trashcan, and the Xiaolin monks and I exchanged surprised glances, as we watched a battered and bruised Oscar the Grouch slowly climb out.

Bert/Ernie: HOORAY! OSCAR'S ALIVE!

Count: Now that is one close call. Ah-ah!

“Oscar! You’re alright!” I yelled, as the Xiaolin monks laughed and cheered near us. “We thought you were dead, man!”

“Are you kiddin’? I’ve been through worse messes than that!” He remarked. “In fact, that was the most fun I ever had in my life.” And with that sentiment, he added (very loudly), “And I’m never gonna do it again as long as I live!” Despite his grouchy behavior, it was good to see Oscar alive and well again, and I let him know how glad I was by giving him a big hug. “Yuck!”

END OF CHAPTER NINE​

Oscar:*comes in* Hey, what did I miss? Not that I care, I mind ya.

Bert: You just missed one of your most dramatic scenes in the story.

Oscar: Oh, yeah? Well, I guess I didn't miss much. Heh, heh!

Ernie: You should get an Oscar for your performance, Oscar.

Oscar: Heh! No, thanks. I don't do shiny gold stuff. Especially if it's named after me.

Bert: Well, all that's left is the epilogue. Great to see that you came back for that, Oscar.

Oscar: Are ya kiddin' me? I only came because all the tickets for that new "Dark Knight" flick were sold out. I've gotta wait one whole day before I see it. *grumbles* Crummy IMAX-crazed twerps!