Say Cheese!

[The Count]

What, you couldn't get that dent in during your one weekly day of non-existance? Eh, post when ready... But remember you brought the wrath of nagging on yourself.
*Leaves reading room to go get some dinner.

 

[TogetherAgain]

<Blink> Are you KIDDING? The reason I don't exist on Wednesdays is that I get home from school, stare at homework for an hour before going to the synagogue, where I teach prayer for two hours, get a half hour break to eat dinner, and then I'm a student for another two hours. Then I stay at the synagogue until all the students are gone, because my mom's the co-educational director and she has to lock the building up, then I have to drive my cousin home, and THEN I get home for real. By that time it's well past nine o'clock at night. So, no, as a matter of fact, I don't get much homework done at all on my day of non-existance.

And yes, I'm perfectly aware that I SO deserve to get nagged! And I appreciate it, too! With any luck, I may get a chapter or two up tonight- BUT NO PROMISES!!!!

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter Twelve

Her cues.

She needed to work on her cues.

That’s what he had said.

Miss Piggy paced her dressing room, her eyes following the words of a script without reading them.

She needed to work on her cues. She needed to come on stage at the right time. She needed to show up when she was supposed to. She needed to have shown up at the hospital that night.

Was she reading too much into his words? It was… possible… But he was so angry… She had to earn his forgiveness, she just had to…

But first, she had to get these lines down! What script was this, anyway?

She checked, and went back to the beginning of the script, reading her lines aloud, adding intonation, characterization, emotion, and- hopefully- memorization. She imagined herself, not in her dressing room, but on stage with the set. Her pacing faded into proper blocking, occasionally pausing to re-adjust, accounting for the drastic size difference between stage and dressing room. In no time at all, she was completely immersed in the scene, and was temporarily unconcerned with the frog.

It was not a mutual unconcern.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Kermit sighed as he sank against the back of his desk chair. He was having trouble focusing today. He found himself distracted by every shout, every blast, every explosion, every meep, every off-key singer, every note missed by every practicing musician, every burst of Animal’s drums, every door opened and closed, every… everything, it seemed. He would have to try a little harder to tune everything out.

Everything- including his own disruptive thoughts.

Why had Miss Piggy been so… so quiet lately? Backstage, on the bus, and at home, she hardly made a sound. She was as quick as ever to defend herself in any way, but left unprovoked, she was almost silent. She didn’t even talk to him. She only acted like herself when she was on stage, and even then there was one exception. Usually, if she flubbed a line or missed a cue, she would either work around it or, if she was called on it, acknowledge the mistake and brush it off immediately. The only third option was that she would sometimes make a big show about how her way was better. But if he had ever doubted that she knew every time she made a mistake, she was proving it now. When they had run through the diner skit yesterday, she had followed every mistake she made with a light stomp and a quick, airy, “Sorry, Kermie!” Then she had corrected the error.

It was not, Kermit reflected, that she was ignoring him off-stage. He could feel her eyes on him every time they were in the same room. But she was certainly acting so unlike herself that he struggled to call her “Miss Piggy.”

Who was this pig? Who was this pig that had appeared not long after he had taken Rowlf to the hospital two nights ago? Who was this pig that didn’t come when her friend- her family member- was in the hospital? Who was this pig that wasn’t there when her family needed her- needed to be together? Who was this pig that was almost silent off-stage? Who was this pig that made every one of her flubbed lines public- and apologized for them? Who was this pig that dared to call herself Miss Piggy?

She certainly wasn’t anyone that he knew.

She was practically silent… until this morning. This morning, she had volunteered to get Robin… and he had shut her down immediately.

He left his thoughts at that and sent himself back to work.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

“I know Kermit doesn’t want me to play until I’m healed,” Rowlf said, huddled over on the kitchen table. “I’m no good right now, anyway.”

He watched in partial fascination as the Swedish Chef busily scrubbed at the counter. "Ya, gur shfonta," he sighed sympathetically.

Rowlf lifted his head. "Hey Chef?"

"Yøøn skee?"

"Why do you think nobody here can relax lately?"

"Shmeesy-peesie," Chef said. He turned and tossed the washcloth into the sink.

"Two points!" Rowlf declared.

Chef turned back to him and placed both hands flat on the counter. "Piano-no-no-no," he said.

Rowlf did a double take. "What about it?"

"Piano-no-no-no-no-no," Chef gestured emphatically. "Meekin ze müppen flüppen güshen..." He waved his arms in a light, airy fashion. "Veer møøsik meeshkagløøpen. Bøøt, nü møøsik..." He clenched his hands into fists and beat the counter. "Ya veer shmeer dir hurdey!" He raised a finger. "I shøøga du." He pulled a big bag of marshmallows out from under the counter, opened it, and happily juggled some as best as he could. "Ya, de müppen flüppen... heepee... piano-no-no... Shkür-" He piled the marshmallows on the counter. "Nuüfen møøsik, nuüfen piano-no-no-no..." He pounded the marshmallows together, quickly and viciously compacting them into a blob. "Ve shmeeken un shteeken un flappen un shmappen krøvnchin sküm unya BOONG!" He pulled a pistol from nowhere and turned the blob to smithereens in one shot. "Guüd nuüfin."

Rowlf nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “I think you’re right.”

 

[Leyla]

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CUES!!!! KERMIT!! PIGGY!!! MISUNDERSTANDINGS!! ONE ANGRY, CONFUSED FROG!! ONE SAD PIG TRYING TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!!! ONE HYSTERICALLY FUNNY CHEF SHARING WISDOM!!! ONE WONDERFUL DOG WHO'S SOOOOO IMPORTANT TO THE MUPPETS!!!

ONE VERY HAPPY LEYLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE MASSIVE LISA GLOMP!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Lisa! thanks so much! I love it. I love it. I love it! It's been a long tough day and oh, what a wonderful thing to cheer me up! Thanks so much!

 

[theprawncracker]

WHOOOOOO!! That was SO awesome! Poor Piggy! And Kermie! Caring SO much and so unable to concentrate! LOVE IT! Oh it's so awesome!!

And then you hit us with Chef and Rowlf which was AWESOME! Unintellegeble, but AWESOME! Rowlf! Poor Rowlf! And going to the Chef of all people for wisdom was so brave! MAN! This is GREAT!

MORE PLEASE!!

 

[The Count]

Yah-yah!! Moor stury plisa!

You know... I'm liking where this is going. It kind of reminds me of the episode of Fraggle Rock where the happiness and light was drained because there was no music to sustain the Ditzies, these little light pixy type critters that brought joy and illumination to everyone in the Rock.

Keep it coming Lisa, but we'll understand if you've got uther schtuff.

 

[Beauregard]

Yah-yah!! Moor stury plisa!

You know... I'm liking where this is going. It kind of reminds me of the episode of Fraggle Rock where the happiness and light was drained because there was no music to sustain the Ditzies, these little light pixy type critters that brought joy and illumination to everyone in the Rock.

Keep it coming Lisa, but we'll understand if you've got uther schtuff.

Count you are appsoplutly right! The moment I read this I said, "Lisa! It's the Music! It's like Fraggle Rock!" - The epsiode was called "The Day the Music Died." Gobo was given the oppertunity to write a great song celebrating their generation, and he wanted silence to thing of one...and then everywhere went dark...and Marjory insisted that they should, "Do the things you've always done and do it, do it, do it, do it like befooooore!"

Anyways, great chapter Lisa!

 

[The Count]

The Day the Music Died... Ah yes, I remember that day well...

So bye bye, Miss American Pie.
Drove my chevy to the levy though the levy was dry.
And them good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and rye...
Singing this'll be the day that I die...
This'll be the day that I die...

 

[redBoobergurl]

Yay update! I can't believe I missed it last night! Anyway, this is still really good, I love the stuff about Miss Piggy and then Rowlf and the Swedish Chef. Where did all that Swedish come from anyway? Oh well, good stuff, more please!

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter Thirteen

Having tossed her script onto the chair, Miss Piggy started the skit from the top, imitating the blocking as well as she could. This eventually put her dangerously close to the door, which, of course, was suddenly slammed open.

“Miss Pigg-“

“OW!”

“Oh! I’m sor-“

“HI-YA!”

The intruder fell into the railing behind him.

“SAVE THE SLAPSTICK FOR THE STAGE!”

Scooter pulled himself out of the crumpled ball he had become. “Gee, I’m sorry, Miss Piggy, I didn’t know you were so close to the door,” he said. “Would you like me to get you an ice pack?”

“No, Scooter. I would like you to tell me why you’re here so I can punch your face in and move on!”

He gulped. “Kermit-wants-you-on-stage-now-to-run-the-diner-skit-and-maybe-change-the-blocking-okay-see-ya-later-bye!” He shot off.

“SCOOTER!” She growled as she slunk back into the dressing room and slid the door shut. She took a deep breath, counted to three, and sighed it out.

So they were changing the blocking anyway.

Fine.

She daintily plucked her script off the chair and scurried off for the stage, keeping a warring eye out for the go-fer who knew better than to be seen.

Kermit was waiting on the stage, along with Gonzo, Rizzo, Pepe, Sweetums, Clifford, and Bean Bunny. The frog glanced up and was instantly taken aback. “What happened to your head?” he asked.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“Well, you’ve got a huge bruise!”

“Yeah, and it’s a huge improvement!” Rizzo said.

“Si, jou’ve never looked better, hokay?” Pepe added.

She turned to the two pests with a testy smile. “Then perhaps each of vous would like one as well?”

They skittered a few steps back.

Kermit was frowning. “What happened?” he asked.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve gotta try it!” Gonzo said.

Miss Piggy could feel Kermit’s deeply critical eyes on her. At least he was looking at her; that was more than he had done in days. She met his eyes uncomfortably. “It’s nothing,” she said. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or more nervous that he held her gaze.

Great, he thought, now she’s lying. “Right,” he said very quietly, and he lifted his copy of the script. “Let’s run this.”

“When are we gonna get the set?” Clifford asked.

“Hopefully some time tomorrow, but I’ve gotta talk to Beau,” Kermit said. He looked at the script. “Okay, so we’ll start with Clifford up-center, behind the counter. Gonzo and Rizzo, you’ll be sitting at the counter, up-right…”

“So we’ll cheat left, right?”

“What?”

“Correct.”

“Cheating is very bad, hokay?”

“Oh, like you can talk, shrimp!”

“KING PRAWN, hokay!”

“Whatever!”

“Yes?”

“Sheesh…”

Yup. It was a typical rehearsal. It took an hour to get through the five-minute skit, at which point Kermit sighed heavily.

“All right,” he said wearily, “We can work on this tomorrow. Let’s break for lunch.”

The actors quickly scattered in their various directions.

Miss Piggy scurried into her dressing room, closed the door, and locked it. She averted her eyes from the mirror until she was seated in her chair. Then she slowly lifted her eyes and examined her reflected face.

It wasn’t such a huge bruise, but it was across the top of her left cheek. She reached for her make-up bag and set about covering it up.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

“Müppen bürgen høøsah!”

“Hey Chef, could you put Rowlf on?”

“Øøkie-døøkie!” Chef turned and held the phone out to Rowlf. “De frøøgen hoppity-hop,” he said.

“Thanks,” Rowlf said. He reached for the phone and frowned. The casts spread his fingers just a little too far for him to grip the phone. He balanced it carefully with both paws. “Hello?”

“Hey Rowlf, how’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s pretty good, Kermit,” the dog said. “How’s the theater?”

“Well, it’s still standing.”

“That’s good! I was wondering.”

“How’s the house?”

“Still standing.”

“Oh good. So what’ve you guys been up to?”

“Chef’s cleaning, I’m watching, and we’re talking. It’s entertaining.”

“I’m sure.”

“So what’s on your mind?”

“Um… not much. We’re just on lunch break now, and I thought I’d see how you’re doing.”

“Oh. Well, we’re doing fine.”

“Have you guys eaten yet?”

“Yup. Have you?”

“No, I figured I’d give you a call first. I think I’ll got eat something now, though.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go do that, then.”

“Okay. Later, Rowlf!”

“See ya, Kermit.” Rowlf frowned as he let Chef hang up the phone. Nothing was on Kermit’s mind? The frog was lying through his teeth- and he didn’t even have teeth!