Old Friends Who've Just Met

[The Count]

Great stuff Prawny... Loved the bits with Gonzo chidding you for calling the frog Kermie... Miss Piggy'd chop you in half if she heard you. And of course the bit where Gonzo's threatening to tell Hilda about your love for the penguins during the news flash interruption.

Now come on... Not much left... Post more commentary soon!

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 20

"And that is why no self-respecting American citizen would dare endanger the lives of creatures such as the glorious penguins," Sam Eagle preached.

Me: I hope Sam never finds that page of penguin/French/German/Spanish induced muffining...

"Voody voody, poonguin flip flip flip flip flip!" The Swedish Chef countered in his mock Swedish tongue.

Gonzo: How does he counter with a tongue? Wouldn’t that get a little messy?

Me: You would know...

"Yes I know they flip, that’s all they ever do. Flip!" Sam shouted.

"Are you two still arguin’ about those flippin’ penguins?" Floyd asked.

Me: HA!

Sam gasped. "How dare you use such language in a family forum’s fan-fiction?!"

Gonzo: A family what’s what now?

Me: Sheesh...

"Hey man, calm down, I just said flippin’!" Floyd argued.

Sam threw his arms in the air. "There it is AGAIN! Silence your toilet mouth mister Pepper! Please!"

Me: Toilet mouth! Oh Sam!! HA!

"C’mon Sam it’s no big deal!"

"No big deal?! NO BIG DEAL?! It is a HUGE deal Floyd! We represent the pinnacle of American society!"

Gonzo: Since when?

"Yaber floo dee yahoo der usa!"

"That’s U.S.A. dude."

Me: Oh how funny!

Gonzo: You wrote it!!

Me: I know!

"Uh, hey guys," Rowlf interjected. "We gotta get back to the story," he whispered.

Me: Thanks Rowlf.

Sam shifted his eyes towards Rowlf. "Oh, oh yes, of course."

"Good," Rowlf nodded. "Okay guys, that’s your cue!" Rowlf called off.

A knock on the theater front door made all of the Muppets turn towards it in alarm. No one moved. Another knocking. Still, no one moved.

Gonzo: Nice entrance.

Clifford looked around. "Fine, I’ll get it!" He walked up to the theater’s lobby, where outside the glass doors he could see a man carrying a red, square-shaped bag. The man knocked on the glass and pointed to the bag. He mouthed, "I’ve got ten pizzas here for a Mr. R.V. Truck."

Me: Made that name up myself.

Gonzo: That’s my attorney’s name!

Me: ...That explains a lot...

Clifford took off his glasses. "Man, there ain’t nobody here, or in the world that has that name," Clifford said back.

Gonzo: My attorney!

Me: Yeah, yeah, I love this scene by the way...

"I can’t here you," the pizza man mouthed.

"Well we’re locked in! I can’t open the door!" Clifford shouted.

"I don’t have any more."

"Door! Door!"

"No I won’t go back to the store!"

Me: HA!

Clifford slapped his head. "Man, just go away!"

"You have to pay!"

Me: Poor Clifford. Too bad he wasn’t here for this.

Gonzo: I’ll go get him!

Me: Sit down weirdo.

Clifford shook his head. "Fine if I pay will you leave?" he pulled out his wallet and put it against the glass.

The man gave a thumbs up and nodded. He put the bag of pizzas on the ground. He put both of his hands on the glass window and began to take them off, and put them back on, take them off, and put them back on.

Clifford counted how many times the man did that. "Fifteen..." he said under his breath. "150 bucks for pizzas I didn’t order?! No way am I payin’!"

"Well, I don’t know how long I can stay...I’m on a tight shift."

Me: Maybe I should’ve translated what the pizza guy thought Cliff was saying...Ah well.

Clifford muttered something under his breath and pulled out two one-hundred dollar bills from his wallet. "I don’t got a fifty, can you make change?" he asked, slipping the money under the door.

"Keep the change? Alright mac, thanks! I’ll just leave the pizza out here!" the man mouthed, pocketing the money and jogging back to his delivery car.

Me: HA! Poor Cliff!

Gonzo: Yeah, he didn’t even get the pizza!

Clifford placed his face flat against the window. As the car drove away, he slammed his fist on the glass. "One of these days Uncle D., one of these days..."

Me: I think Uncle D. should be glad Cliff isn’t here...

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Butch hoisted Xaldin up by his shirt and slammed him against the wall. "Okay buster, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way, take your pick!"

"Go for the easy way, trust me," Clyde whispered.

Me: HA! Clyde!

Kermit scrunched up his face. "Butch, put him down."

Butch shrugged and let go of Xaldin, sending him falling to the ground. Kermit kneeled down in front of the alien and put a hand on his shoulder. "Excuse me, but, uh, I’m Kermit the Frog, and these are my friends, and we’re trying to get out of here, could you tell us where the nearest communications room is please?"

Me: Leave it to Kermit...

"I t’ink Kermit spent too much time on Sesame Street," Rizzo whispered to Pepe.

Me: Yeah, that.

Xaldin raised his eye, questioning the frog. "I’ll tell you..." he said softly. "But you have to take me with you."

"Uncle Kermit I don’t know about this," Robin spoke up.

Me: Aww! Poor Robin!

Gonzo: I dunno about it either! That guy’s bad news!

Flanzgo wiped her eye. "Yeah Kermit, he helped Exod," she said through her tears.

Kermit looked into Gonzo’s white eyes. "It’s up to you Gonzo."

Gonzo: It is?!

Gonzo sighed. "It’s like you said before Kermit, we don’t have a choice."

Kermit nodded. "Alright Xaldin, you can come with us."

Me: Yay!

Gonzo: Yay?

Me: Yes, yay!

Gonzo: Oh.

Xaldin smiled. "Thank you," he said as pain coursed through his bones. "But, uh, could I get a ride from one of those big fellas?"

Bobo picked up the alien and hoisted him onto his back. "There ya go."

Zongo patted his old assistant’s shoulder. "You haven’t changed a bit Rentro."

"Oh yeah I have, it’s Bobo now."

Me: HA!

Gonzo: One can always find happiness laughing at one’s self.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Xaldin led the group through the halls, pointing his fingers from his spot on Bobo’s back. "Hang a left up here!" he said.

Me: I LOVE this part!!

Gonzo: So did Lisa.

Me: She better! I wrote it with her in mind!

Gonzo: I thought she was always in your mind, being your other half and all.

Me: ...Oh yeah...

"Left?" Gonzo asked.

"Right!"

"I thought you said it was left!"

"Right, it is left."

"Well what is it? Right, right?"

"Left!"

"Sideways!"

"March!"

"May!"

Me: I do it all for you Lisa!!

Gonzo: So I’ve heard.

The group halted. "Wait a second..." Gonzo said. "What are we talking about?"

Me: I never know what you’re talking about!

"Turn left!!" Xaldin shouted.

The others turned left and into a large room with an equally large computer/communication system.

Me: I like big things.

Gonzo: I believe in little things.

Me: I’m sure Prairie’s happy to hear that.

"Someone does know how to work this thing, right?" Piggy asked.

Zongo walked up to the controls. "Well, it is a bit different than the Gonzonian’s controls, but I think I can work it."

"Great!" Gonzo said. "But could you hurry Ed, sorry, Zongo, Onzgo’s waiting on us. I don’t know how long he can hold off Exod."

Me: ...Not very long...

Gonzo: Come again?

Me: Never mind.

Flanzgo sulked off into the corner of the room and pulled her knees to her chest, holding them there. She sighed and began to cry again for her father.

Robin noticed this and hopped over to Flanzgo. "Hey, don’t worry, it’ll all be okay, I just know it!"

Me: Oh I love that little frog!!

Flanzgo shook her head. "Not this time Robin."

Robin rubbed his shoulder. "Well, um...I’m still here for you," the young frog smiled.

Me: YEEEAH!

Flanzgo smiled back. "Thank you Robin, that means a lot coming from a person I’ve only known for a few hours."

Me: Well that’s what the Muppets do!

"You’re welcome," Robin grinned.

Flanzgo sighed again. "I’m just going to miss him so much...He’s all I have."

Robin sat down next to his friend. "I’ll miss him too, but ya know, you still have Gonzo and Zongo over there, and Mr. Filmer seems nice too!"

Flanzgo shed a tear. "It’s just not the same...He was my dad...I...I just don’t know how to say goodbye to him..."

Me: AWWW!!

Robin perked up a bit. "Well than I know just the song to help you!"

The frog cleared his throat and began to sing. "Saying goodbye, going away
Seems like goodbye’s such a hard thing to say," Robin grabbed Flanzgo’s hand.

"Touching a hand, wondering why
It’s time for saying goodbye."

Me: Whoa! Totally forgot I even had this song in here!

Gonzo: Well that explains a lot.

Gonzo joined his niece and Robin with his hand on Robin’s back. "Saying goodbye, why is it sad
Makes us remember the good times we’ve had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It’s time for saying goodbye."

"Don’t want to leave
But we both know
Sometimes it’s better to go," Robin chimed back in.

"Somehow I know we’ll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don’t know just when
He’s in our hearts so until then
It’s time for saying goodbye," Gonzo sang to Flanzgo who smiled and sang herself.

"Somehow I know we’ll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don’t know just when
He’s in our hearts so until then
It’s time for saying goodbye..." she sang softly. Gonzo hugged his niece and helped her up off the ground.

Me: Oh but I hug you and Robin both for singing it Gonz!

Gonzo: Thanks.

"I love you Flanzgo," Gonzo said.

"Thank you so much Uncle Gonzo," she cried on his shoulder. "I love you too."

Me: *sniffles*

Gonzo: Here’s the Kleenex.

Zongo shouted from the computer. "Des is on his way, we need to get to the hanger, now!"

Gonzo, Robin and Flanzgo followed the others out of the room and down the hall, preparing to leave Onzgo forever.

Me: Wow...

Gonzo: Ow...

Me: Did you just say ow?

Gonzo: I think.

Me: Oh. ...Cow...

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Death had sat back down in one of Uncle Deadly’s armchairs, but Deadly remained with Xander’s body.

He ran his hand along the alien’s chest and caressing his head. "His brother...He did this to him..."

Me: Oh Uncle D...

Death lifted his head and looked at the ceiling. "DEADLY, I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU GIVE THIS MUCH COMPASSION BEFORE."

Gonzo: Me either.

Uncle Deadly closed his eyes and sat down on the floor. "I just have great sympathy for the dead," the phantom said quietly. "This...Well it’s not life, Death. Death is not life..."

Me: You can say that again...

"HENCE THE DIFFERENT NAMES FOR EACH THING."

Me: That too.

"That isn’t what I meant," Deadly said, somewhat harshly. "But you wouldn’t understand Death, you just bring death, but you’ve never experienced it, you’re immortal."

Death nodded. "I CANNOT DISAGREE WITH YOU. YOU MAY SAY I DON’T PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH."

Me: Hehe! This is true!

Deadly exhaled through his snout. "Please Death, don’t banish this one to the afterlife that isn’t in this universe...Let this one stay...Just as you did me..."

Me: Oh please Death!

Gonzo: You can’t reason with Death.

Me: What are you talking about? You have been for years!

Death put his scythe across his lap. "I SHALL CONSIDER IT."

Me: Ooh! Death!

Gonzo: Pestilence!

Me: What?

Gonzo: Never mind.

 

[The Count]

Ah... Some more commentary, just what I needed.

Loved the little barb at SS... Hee, So, Gonzo believes in little things too?
Nice.

But there's something I must strongly disagree with.
Posted by Prawn: "That isn’t what I meant," Deadly said, somewhat harshly. "But you wouldn’t understand Death, you just bring death, but you’ve never experienced it, you’re
immortal."

Death nodded. "I CANNOT DISAGREE WITH YOU. YOU MAY SAY I DON’T PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH."

Me: Hehe! This is true!

This is true? Pardon sir... But isn't Death, an immortal, experiencing what death itself/himself is like in another story that's currently becoming another runaway hit?
Statler: Run away hit?
Waldorf: Yeah... If we run, then they can't hit us with these bad jokes!
Do-ho-ho-ho.

Post more when you can buddy.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 21

The spaceship touched down on the surface of Exodia softly, Des Filmer ran out of the ship to meet the group running for the ship. "What is going on?" Des asked. Zongo hadn’t had time to explain to Des over the communication system.

Gonzo stopped at Des’ side as all the other Muppets ran past them. "We’ve gotta go Des, that’s all that matters," Gonzo told him.

"But...Where’s Onzgo?" Des asked quietly.

Gonzo inhaled deeply. "He’s not coming with us."

Me: Gah! Gonzo I don’t think this will help me get better!

Gonzo: Pain always helps my friend.

Me: Helps you maybe! Not normal people!

Gonzo: Since when are YOU normal?

Des nodded slowly. "Alright," he sniffed. "Let’s get this ship back to our craft."

Gonzo and Des ran back into the spaceship with the others. "Alright everybody, buckle up!" Kermit shouted from his seat next to Robin.

"Wow, Kermit has spent a lot of time on Sesame Street," Fozzie said, fastening his safety harness.

Me: Good grief it’s a running gag.

Zongo took the co-pilot’s chair next to Des. The alien started the ship and ignited the engines.

Flanzgo stared out the window with her hand laying on the glass. "Goodbye dad," she whispered. The ship pulled up off the surface of Exodia, with Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Animal, Rizzo, Pepe, Robin, Bobo, Zongo, Des Filmer, Butch and Clyde, Xaldin and Flanzgo sitting silently inside leaving Onzgo forever.

Me: Farewell brave travelers.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Onzgo’s psychic powers felt his brother and daughter blast off into space, he closed his eyes and stood up straight. "Goodbye Flanzgo," he whispered to himself.

"Well?" Exod bellowed. "Do you plan to attack?"

Onzgo opened his eyes and stared directly into Exod’s. "Yes, for the last time."

Me: GAH!! Gonzo this is making me feel WORSE!!

"What are you going on about?"

"This is it Exod, these are your final moments," Onzgo said with rage.

Exod laughed. "You can’t be serious."

Onzgo stepped forward, readying his mind. He knew that no matter what happened, he wouldn’t make it off the planet. His final wish was that the onslaught he was about to unleash would wipe out Exod along with him.

Gonzo: *wide eyes* What the...

"I am serious Exod!" Onzgo shouted. "You don’t know how serious I am."

Me: I do!! GAH!!

Exod stood straight as well. "And I suppose you intend to tell me?"

"I do! And do you know why Exod?" Onzgo shouted. "Because you are alone in this, and every other world! Your loyal servants have ditched you, your prisoners have escaped with your servants, and you have killed your own brother! You are LOW Exod! LOW!" Onzgo placed his hands on his giant head. "And now, you pay!"

Me: *tears* You tell him Onzgo!

Exod began to grow afraid for the first time he could remember. "You...You can’t do anything to me...I am invincible!"

Me: Exod has officially broken down.

"YOU ARE NOT!" Onzgo screamed. He concentrated all of his thoughts and energy onto his psychic powers. "THIS is for your brother Xaldin and the rest of the people under your tyranical rule!" he screamed, sending a shot of energy from his mind directly into Exod, breaking both of his arms.

Me: This is so violent...

Gonzo: Oh brother...

Me: What? It really is violent!

Gonzo: No! My actual brother!

Me: Oh.

"THIS is for the Earthlings!"

Me: SHA!

Both of Exod’s legs broke as he collapsed to the floor.

"THIS is for my people!"

Exod’s ribs shattered.

"THIS is for my daughter Flanzgo!" Onzgo felt his power depleting, the next shot would be his last.

Me: OHHHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!!

Gonzo: ONZGO!!

"AND THIS IS FOR GONZO!" Onzgo cried in his last shot of rage. Psychic energy filled the room breaking the windows, cracking the walls and the floor. Onzgo screamed from the depths of his soul as his mind overcame both him and Exod. Their bodies began to dissolve from the intense force created by Onzgo’s powers. Onzgo stopped screaming. He let out one long sigh and said: "It...Is...Over..." Onzgo’s body disappeared into the atmosphere, the alien leader had died his valiant death and the people of the universe knew it.

Gonzo: *gasping breaths*

Me: *hugs Gonzo*

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

The chaos at the Muppet Theater stopped dead in its tracks. No one moved. They all froze as if time had stopped.

Me: *deep breath*

The Electric Mayhem stopped their song right in the middle of the chorus, they all stared up into the air. "Man, what happened?"

Bunsen and Beaker stopped building their latest invention down in Muppet Labs. "Mee me mo?"

"I have no idea Beaker..."

The Swedish Chef and Lew Zealand stopped arguing over the use of fish in meals. "Wow...What was that?"

"Her foo dee clunder."

Scooter, Clifford and Rowlf all looked at each other. "Did you..."

"Feel that?"

Me: Wow...

"Yeah..."

Each Muppet in the theater didn’t move for two minutes, but after the few minutes was up all returned to however normal the Muppets could be.

Gonzo: *deep sigh*

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

It hit Uncle Deadly like a jolt of lightning. "Death-"

"WE MUST GO DEADLY, THERE IS MUCH TO DO," Death stood up and grabbed Xander’s body and pulled up more black flames. "LET US GO."

Me: Whoa! This is all happening so fast!

"You want me to go with you?" Deadly asked.

"YOU DO WANT TO SEE YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN, CORRECT?" Deadly nodded. "THEN LET US GO."

Death and Uncle Deadly stepped into the black flames and disappeared from the Muppet Theater.

Gonzo: *nods*

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

"AH!" Flanzgo screamed. She grabbed her arm and fell to the floor.

"What the-" Piggy started. "Kermie, help!" she called the frog from her seat next to the princess. Piggy lifted her body back into the chair.

"What is going on back there?" Des Filmer called back.

"It’s Flanzgo! She’s hurt!" Robin said.

All of the Muppets gathered around Flanzgo. "What’s wrong princess?" Bobo asked.

Me: Oh no...

"I think she has a royal pain! Ahhh!" Fozzie joked.

Gonzo: Fozzie...

"Fozzie!" Kermit shot the bear a look. "What happened?" Kermit asked calmly, kneeling over with a hand on her shoulder.

"Pain..." she said through tears. "Like a bullet...I felt it...My dad’s dead..."

Me: GAH!!!

The Muppets were silent. Butch and Clyde looked at each other’s faces. Piggy clenched Kermit’s hand with her gloved hand. Fozzie grabbed his hat twiddled it around through his fingers.

"I felt it too."

Gonzo: Who said that?

The Muppet’s heads turned to Gonzo who had spoken up. "Gonzo buddy..." Rizzo whispered.

Gonzo stood up. "He’s gone. He’s...He’s..." another tear fell from Gonzo’s eye. "He’s gone..."

Me: Oh Gonzo...

Flanzgo clenched her mouth tightly and let the tears finally fall. Everyone on the ship let at least one tear fall. "It...Is...Over..."

Me: *shakes head* No it is not. I can’t stand this, c’mon Gonz, we’re doing another chapter.

Gonzo: I thought you were sick.

Me: Just c’mon buzzard beak.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 22

Silence reigned as the spaceship returned to the Gonzonian craft. Des Filmer landed the ship in the hangar and everyone departed, heads hanging down.

The group was met with the stares of Gonzonian eyes. There was no noise, just stares.

Zongo placed and arm on Flanzgo’s shoulder. She turned her head towards the man and he nodded. She closed her eyes and stepped forward from the group. "My people," she said very softly. "Exod has been destroyed."

Me: Gosh this is painful.

Gonzo: In a really, really bad way.

The many Gonzonians cheered their princess and her Earthling friends. A riot of Gonzonian happiness spread throughout the landing bay.

But fifteen of them stood silently. Flanzgo began to break down in tears, Gonzo moved forward and calmed down the crowd. "Please, listen to me," he begged. "Exod may have been destroyed...But...But Onzgo...Onzgo had to sacrifice himself to do it. Onzgo...Is gone."

Me: Mmm, that’s so...Just so awful...

Gonzo: You wrote it!!

Me: Yeah well...

The ruckus ended, and again, it was pure silence. That was the funny thing about silence, it was so pure, and yet at the same time so heart wrenchingly nerve racking.

"This is your new leader," Zongo spoke up. "The Great Gonzo!"

Gonzo: WHAT?!

Some murmurs emerged from the silence. Gonzo frowned and shook his head. "I can’t...I can’t lead these people."

Me: Oh Gonzo...

The murmurs were replaced with gasps and "oh mys." Gonzo rubbed his head. "I...I don’t know these people...They need someone who knows them and knows what’s best for them. Someone brave and strong." Piggy cleared her throat and stepped forward. "That is why my niece Flanzgo will assume the position," Gonzo said. Piggy muttered and stepped back.

Me: GAH!! The "oh mys"!!! GAH!!!

Gonzo: *head tilt* Okay...

Flanzgo wiped her eyes. Brave and strong? She couldn’t believe that this was her Gonzo was talking about. "Gonzo...Not me...It can’t be me..."

Gonzo placed his hand onto his niece’s shoulder he stared into her eyes, showing all the compassion he could. "It is," the weirdo said blankly. "It is you Flanzgo."

"We all have faith in you princess," Zongo smiled towards her. "All of us."

Me: All of us!!

The other Gonzonians grew in appreciation for their princess. Their cheers of faith filled the hangar. Flanzgo’s tears of grief turned to tears of happiness with the jeers and support of her people. "Thank you all," she said through the salt water.

Me: Awww!!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Dr. Teeth held the phone receiver to his head backstage at the theater. "You sure Lips my man?" he said into the phone, twirling the twisted cord in around his green finger. "Mmm, lost your voice? Man, I know the feelin’. See ya."

Me: Heh, silly little reference there...

Dr. Teeth hung up the phone and turned to the questioning looks of the three remaining band members. "Well, it looks like we’ve got no other choice," Floyd sighed. "Bean boy, you’re up!"

A gigantic squeal emerged from behind the band as Bean Bunny hopped halfway to the ceiling. "Whee! Oh goody goody goody!" the bunny shouted. "I get to play some music in a group of music players!"

Me: HAHA!! I love that rabbit!

Gonzo: I’m sure Bo would be happy to let you have him.

Dr. Teeth covered both of his eyes and moaned. "Listen up spunky bunny, we do not play some music in a group of music players," Dr. Teeth’s philosophically deep voice said. "We jam in a band of fantasting amastic voids of psychedelic groovieness!"

Me: I understand about as much of Dr. Teeth as I do the Swedish Chef.

"Like fer sure little bean," Janice chimed in. "If we wanted to ‘play some music in a group of music players’ we’d get Sam to hire Bobby Benson and his all baby band."

"Wha’?" Zoot woke up. "Janice and Sam got a baby in a band?"

Me: REFERENCE!! HA! To Beauregard’s Sam and Janice loooove story! Hehehe!

Sam shot out of a dressing room in the upper level backstage. "Absolutely not!" he shouted, returning to the room, slamming the door.

Me: HA!

"Rully," Janice said. "It would, like, never work out."

Gonzo: You can say that again.

"Hey baby, that’s what we say about green stuff and pork rinds! But that’s only because they don’t have access to a gym! Heh heh heh!" Floyd laughed.

Me: Oh Floyd...

"So do I get to play my cute little harmonica or not?" Bean spoke up.

Clifford poked his head backstage. "Hey ya’ll, we need the Mayhem on stage."

"We hear ya Cliff, but we need our drummer!" Floyd said.

"I could invent a drummer that would double-NO! Triple Animal’s caffeine intake in a matter of moments!" Bunsen ran in, with Beaker at his side, as always.

"NO!" the group of Muppets (including Sam who had reemerged from his hermitage) shouted in unison.

Me: Hehe! I love the chaos!

"You mean I don’t get to play my cute little harmonica?" Bean whined.

Scooter tapped Clifford on the shoulder. "Hey Clifford, should I be writing down all these fights for Kermit?"

"Man, will you get off my back?!" Clifford shouted. "And I’ve gotta get this thing off my chest!" Clifford pulled a rat off his chest. "What are you doin’ man?"

The rat shook violently in Clifford’s grasp. "The end of the world! It’s coming! IT’S COMING!!"

Me: How random!!

Gonzo: Almost as weird as me.

Me: Not quite.

Gonzo: You’re right.

"Hey rat, I’ve been thinkin’ that since ‘89. It ain’t comin’," Clifford tossed the rat behind his shoulder, into Scooter’s hands. And picked up the Muppet Labs Interstellar Cellular Phone off the go-fer’s belt. Clifford held the invention up to his dread-locked head. Well, there’s a ring tone, so it’s on. But Kerm still hasn’t tried to call. What is goin’ on up there? The co-host thought to himself, tossing the phone behind him. Scooter fumbled with it as he tried to catch it.

"Hey Clifford, calm down, I’ve only got two hands! Just like you!" Scooter said with both hands full.

Me: Not that it would be odd for anyone within the Muppet family to have more than two hands...

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Uncle Deadly and Death emerged from the black flames inside a dark room. Sounds of computers buzzing and monitors beeping filled the air. Deadly looked up at Death, "Where are we my fiend?" he asked.

"CURRENTLY WE FIND OURSELVES INSIDE THE GONZONIAN MAIN COMMUNICATIONS ROOM," Death said as he lay Xander’s body on the ground. "I AM HERE ON BUSINESS, THERE ARE SOME WANDERING SPIRITS THAT NEED MY INTERVENING."

Me: Ooh! Intriguing!

"Am I to go with you?" the confused phantom asked.

"YOU ASSUME TOO MUCH DEAR DEADLY," Death grasped his scythe tightly. "YOU DO HAVE FRIENDS HERE AFTER ALL."

Death placed the butt of his scythe on Deadly’s back, pushing him out the door, closing and locking it behind him.

Gonzo: Whoa!
Me: Wha ha ha! Go Death!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Kermit joined in the embracing of the newly proclaimed ruler of Gonzonia. The frog was suddenly smothered with Miss Piggy’s cuddling embrace. "Piggy, please," Kermit tried pushing her off.

Me: Yeah...Um...This was my pre-ushy gushiness.

"Oh mon capitan, don’t stop the love," Piggy swooned.

Me: Okay, so there was nothing pre about it...

Piggy stroked his green head. "Piggy...Why do you insist on doing this, here, and now?"

"Oh Kermie, it’s just, such action-packed heroics makes moi feel like..." Kermit drifted off as Piggy’s voice trailed away. He looked around the hangar at a prominent blue speck that emerged suddenly. He stared hard at the blue blob, trying to figure out what it could be. He realized finally that it was Uncle Deadly. "I mean, vous wouldn’t want moi going off with Gonzo the hero, now would vous?" Piggy rubbed Kermit’s arms.

Gonzo: Gonzo the hero wouldn’t want that either!!

"Yeah...Yeah Piggy, okay," Kermit tried to push her off so he could go to Deadly.

"WHAT?!" Piggy screamed. She planned on sending Kermit to Deadly, just not how the frog would’ve hoped. "HI-YAH!!"

She smacked Kermit in the chest sending him flying across the hangar in front of Uncle Deadly.

"Oh...Kermit..." Deadly said, hoisting Kermit up onto his feet. "I see you flew in to see me, how nice."

Me: Haha! Well Gonzo you were right, that chapter did make me feel better.

Gonzo: But what’s going on?! What’s gonna happen next?! We’ve gotta keep going!!

Me: Meh, we’ll do it later Gonz. I’ve got a headache.

 

[The Count]

Hmmm... Wonder what's going on in the world of fanficdom...
*Sits down and picks up new commentaries. Mmm, so good to finally have a decent update. Hope Prawny feels up to coming back and finishing this soonish.
*Leaves mug of hot chocolate for Prawny.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 23

Death stood alone inside silent the communications room. He stared down at the dead body of Xander. He extended his scythe and touched Xander’s chest with the blade. Gently, he sliced Xander down the chest opening a wound. The slice in his body glowed as the alien rose from the floor, onto his own two feet. Xander’s eyes shot open.

Me: GASP!

Gonzo: *gasp*

Me: Mine was better.

"WELCOME TO NEW LIFE XANDER, I AM DEATH, YOUR EMPLOYER," Death’s voice chilled the air around the reborn alien.

Xander looked at his hands. "I...I’m alive...?" Xander spoke with his new voice.

"NO," Death said blankly. "YOU HAVE BEEN RESPAWNED BY ME. YOU ARE NOW MY EMPLOYEE."

Me: I wonder what the dental benefits are for that job...

Gonzo: I’m sure we could ask Uncle Deadly.

Me: Does he have any teeth?

Gonzo: We could ask him.

Xander shook his head vigorously. "No. I won’t. I won’t be someone else’s slave!"

Death slammed the base of his scythe down on the floor, silencing the stammering alien. "NOW YOU LISTEN HERE," Death said to Xander. "I AM NOT A PATIENT ARCHANGEL, SO I WILL MAKE THIS BRIEF. YOU ARE NOONE’S SLAVE ANYMORE XANDER, I HAVE SET YOU FREE."

Me: Whooo! Go Death!

Gonzo: That still sounds creepy.

Xander winced. "But...But you said I was your employee."

"YOU ARE. BUT I DO NOT ENSLAVE YOU. ANYTIME YOU TIRE OF LIVING A SECOND LIFE, I WILL GRANT YOU ETERNAL DEATH. TRUST ME, THIS IS A GOOD THING YOU HAVE GOING, AND IS ONLY GIVEN TO A SPECIAL GROUP. CONSIDER IT A BLESSING."

Xander inhaled. "Promise me I will answer to noone."

Me: I think I have this thing with writing noone as one word. See? I just did it.

"YOU WILL ANSWER TO NOONE. BUT, YOU WILL HELP ME AT TIMES WHEN YOU ARE NEEDED, IS THAT ALRIGHT?"

Xander nodded, silently thanking Death for freeing him from the prison that was his brother.

Gonzo: Yay!

"GOOD. NOW, COME WITH ME. IT IS TIME FOR YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT," Death led Xander into more black flames, taking them not the corners of space.

Me: ...That last part makes no sense at all. And don’t make the obvious joke there Gonzo.

Gonzo: Nothing I do is obvious.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Piggy grasped Kermit’s arm with both of hers and squeezed tightly. She was glad she packed a black outfit.

Me: Leave it to Piggy...

The Gonzonians filed into a large chamber for Onzgo’s funeral. Gonzo, Zongo, Flanzgo, Des Filmer and Xaldin held the esteemed positions in the front row of seats with Kermit, Piggy, Robin, Fozzie, Animal, Rizzo, Pepe, Bobo, Butch and Clyde sitting in the two rows behind them.

Me: Look at ‘em all!

Fozzie held Robin in his lap. The young frog ran his fingers through Fozzie’s fur. "Fozzie, I miss Onzgo."

Gonzo: Oh Robin! Me too!

"I didn’t know him," Fozzie sighed down at the floor.

Robin put his tiny hand on Fozzie’s. "I think you did," Robin pointed to Gonzo in the row in front. Fozzie smiled and nodded.

Me: OHHHHHH!!!

"Psst, Pepe," Rizzo whispered to the king prawn.

"Si?"

"Didja tell Gonzo yet?"

"Tell Gonso what?"

Gonzo: Yeah tell Gonzo what? Oh wait, I dropped my contact.

"About the jacuzzi!"

"Oh! No, no I did not tell him nothing jet. I’m waiting for de perfect moment, hokay?"

Me: Gonzo you don’t wear contacts.

Gonzo: Oh yeah. What’d I miss?

Me: Sheesh...

"And when will dat be?"

"I don’t know, but not now! Dios mio Ritzo, we are at a funeral, hokay? How insensitive."

Clyde nudged Butch. "Hey, hey boss, have you ever felt...Like...You know, you don’t belong?"

"Heh, well there was that all cow party I went to...I felt really out of place there..."

Me: *blink* Ha!

Gonzo: I know how they feel.

"Well...I don’t really feel right here..."

Butch shrugged. "Me either Clyde. But, uh, let’s make a promise, no more stealin’ rockets or leakin’ alien info, alright?"

Gonzo: Can they still leak other things?

Me: I hope not.

"Okay," Clyde nodded. "But if we go back to C.O.V.N.E.T. without any information we’ll be fired!"

"Meh, one good job leads to another I always say."

Me: Indeed! Which leads to their latest job ast travel agents in my latest story "Don’t Trip the Driver."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Death and Xander floated in the blackness of space, flying above the surface of Exodia.

"What are we looking for?" Xander asked.

"SPIRITS."

Me: Ooh.

"Spirits? Whose spirits?"

"TWO PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW. ONE YOU KNOW VERY WELL."

Xander floated along silently. "YOUR BROTHER WAS DESTROYED BY ONZGO. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO END YOUR BROTHER’S ANARCHY FOREVER."

Me: SHA! *ahem* Sorry ‘bout that.

Xander stopped midair. "It is over."

Death did not stop with Xander, he continued to hover over the surface. "YES, YES IT IS. NOW COME, WE HAVE TO FIND THE SPIRITS. I AM IN A HURRY, MY TEA SCHEDULE IS VERY BOOKED."

Me: It always is. Oh, and Gonz, did you bring the Kleenex?

Gonzo: Always do.

Me: Good.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

A vibrantly dressed Gonzonian walked onto the stage on looking the audience. He wore a shining gold cape and red shirt with a sparkling gold sash across it. His feathery skin was a light shade of purple, and his nose and mouth had an orange hue, as did the hair combed over atop his head.

Me: In case you readers out there didn’t realize, that’s the same singer from "Muppets From Space."

He approached the front of the stage with his band behind him, each with a different, brightly colored, Gonzonian instrument.

The singer held his eyes closed behind his sunglasses and sighed into his microphone, "This one’s for Onzgo," he said softly. Three singers entered slowly and began to chant as the band began to play.

Me: Gosh I love this song. Again, this is from "The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride" and apparently, according to Beth, "The Lion King" Broadway show as well, which is cool.

"Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala," the three singers chanted four times.

Gonzo: What?

Me: Shh!

Drums were played continuously.

"Night
And the spirit of life
Callin’" the main singer sang.

"Oh oh iyo," the three singers sang.

"Mamela."

"And a voice
With the fear of a child
Answers."

"Oh oh iyo."

"Oh mamela," the singer sang in an ancient alien language.

"Oh oh iyo."

"Ubukhosi bo khokho
We ndodana ye
Sizwe sonke," the larger of the three singers sang alone.

Gonzo: I really don’t-

Me: SHHH!!

Gonzo: Well when can I talk again?!

Me: After the song!

Gonzo: ...Fine!

"Wait
There’s no mountain too great," the main singer sang.

"Here the words and have faith."

"Oh oh iyo."

The crowd all smiled at the song as their minds were filled with memories of their leader.

"Have faith."

"Hela hey mamela," the three singers chanted four times.
"Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala," they chanted through the chorus.
"He lives in you," the main singer pointed out into the crowd.
"He lives in me," he pointed to himself.
"He watches over," placing a hand over his eyes, peering out on the crowd.
"Everything we see
Into the water," he pointed, moving his arm up and down, moving it from left to right.
"Into the truth
In your reflection," he jumped forward, pointing out.
"He lives in you."

"Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala," chanted the three three more times, leading to a musical interlude.

Me: Love that part.

Gonzo: You said not to talk!!

Me: SHH!!

"He lives in you
He lives in me
He watches over
Everything we see."

"Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala," the entire band chanted through the chorus.

"Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you."

"He lives in you."

"Oh oh iyo."

"He lives in you."

The aliens all continued chanting in their ancient dialogue, but everyone seemed to know what they meant, as if Onzgo was connecting them to the words.

"So wait
There’s no mountain to great
Hear the words and have faith.

"Have faith!" the main singer and the three others sang in harmony.
The band raised the tempo and all of the spirits of the Gonzonians rose dramatically with the tempo.

"He lives in you."

"He lives in me," Gonzo whispered softly.

Me: OHHHH!!!

Gonzo: SHH!!

Me: That’s MY line!

"He watches over
Everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you!

"He lives in you!" all of the band began to sing along as the entire room of Gonzonian’s took over the chanting of "Hela hey mamela."

"He lives in me!
He watches over
Everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you.

"He lives in you."

"Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala."

"He lives in you," the singer stifled tears as he walked off stage.

"He lives in you," Gonzo told Flanzgo.

Me: OH HE DOES!!!

Flanzgo grasped her uncle’s hand as tears slid down her cheek. "He lives in you."

Gonzo: *sniff* He does. Thanks Ryan.

Me: You’re welcome Gonzo.

 

[The Count]

*Bows head in reverence to the memory of Onzgo, even if it was a fanfictional death memorably memorialized by the stirring song from Disney's properties.
Come on Ryan... So close to the finish line... Post more! Please!

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 24

The funeral continued onward with tributes from Zongo and Flanzgo respectively.

Uncle Deadly was perched on a metal railing in the back of the room. He had his head set on his two hands and watched the proceedings of the funeral for someone he didn’t even know.

Me: Oh! I love this part!

Gonzo: You love ALL the parts!

Me: Haven’t we been over this before?

Gonzo: I dunno.

Me: Oh, okay.

Deadly felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned his head around and was met eye to eye with Kermit. "Hello there frog."

"Hi ho Uncle Deadly. How are you?" the frog asked, moving forward and leaning on the rail next to the phantom.

"I will not lie to you Kermit, I’m terribly confused," Deadly smiled.

Kermit grinned. "Welcome to the club, we have t-shirts."

Me: LOVE IT!!

Deadly chuckled. "It’s just...So much compassion for one person. I only wish my own funeral was like this."

"Well how do you know it wasn’t?"

"I was there."

Me: Heh, bounce back from that frog.

Kermit scrunched up his face. "Well, uh, that would be one way to know how your own funeral was."

"It’s funny Kermit."

"What, my joke?"

Gonzo: No.

Me: Real nice Gonz.

Deadly rose his eye. "Have I ever laughed at one of your jokes?"

Kermit nodded. "Yup, right up there," Kermit pointed upward. "See? ‘Deadly chuckled.’ Right there, you laughed at one of my jokes."

Me: Wall four, down for the count.

"Frog, you’ve passed the fourth wall and you’ve almost broken down the sixth, quit while you’re ahead," Deadly told him.

"Oh right, sorry. But, uh, what’s funny Uncle Deadly?"

The specter sighed. "I think my funeral would have a better attendance if I died today than it did back when I was alive."

Me: How weird!!

Gonzo: Thank you.

Me: I wasn’t talking about you!

Gonzo: Well what else is this weird?

Me: Good point.

Kermit patted Uncle Deadly on his back. "Maybe we’ll hold you another funeral one day my friend," the frog said, taking his hand off of Deadly’s back. He stuck out his flipper to Uncle Deadly.

Me: Awww!

Deadly stared down at the hand and then moved his gaze back to Kermit’s face. He crossed past the hand and gave Kermit a hug. Kermit smiled, and hugged Uncle Deadly back.

Me: AWWW!!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

"THERE!" Death pointed his skeletal hand forward.

Xander searched around with his eyes. "What? Where?"

"THE SPIRITS," Death reported. "WE HAVE FOUND THEM."

"I see nothing but space!"

"LOOK HARDER."

Gonzo: Ooh! Neat!

Xander was puzzled. That didn’t even make sense.

"BUT WHY MAKE SENSE WHEN IT IS MORE PROFITABLE TO MAKE DOLLARS?" Death asked.

Me: Lisa reference, obviously.

Xander was taken aback. "You read my mind?"

"ONE OF THE MANY TOOLS OF THE TRADE," Death flew forward and stopped abruptly. "I CANNOT GUIDE THE SPIRITS HOME UNLESS YOU SEE THEM AS WELL XANDER."

Me: So Death can read minds...*write that down*

Gonzo: You already wrote it!

Me: Oh yeah.

Xander exhaled through his nose and stared with all his might to where Death was standing. Two formations slowly began to make themselves visible, finally becoming the spiritual remains of Exod and Onzgo.

"I see them Death," Xander said angrily. "And Exod is still there."

"YOU MUST PUT ASIDE YOUR RAGE FOR NOW XANDER, WE HAVE TO DELIVER THESE SOULS TO THE OTHER WORLD."

Me: Ooh! Chilling!

Gonzo: We didn’t have chili for dinner.

Me: That’s not what I was-Oh never mind...

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

Just hours after the funeral had ended, Gonzo and the rest of the Earthlings were ready to return to their home.

Gonzo: What?! So soon?!

"Hey Kermit, Kermit! How are we going to get home?" Fozzie asked.

"Yeah, dat Exod fella destroyed our spaceship!" Rizzo said.

"Hey technically that’s our spaceship!" Clyde shouted.

Me: HA! Oh Clyde...

Butch smacked Clyde upside the head. "Shut it shorty! We just got in their good graces, don’t ruin it! Again!"

Me: Just what I was thinking.

"Sorry boss-Butch. Butch boss."

"I think we can handle your little ship problem," Des Filmer told the group. "Come with me!" he said, leading them to the docking bay.

"Alright Bobo, let’s bounce!" Piggy shouted to Bobo.

"You got it sister," the bear said, with four suitcases stacked in his arms.

Me: Figures!

Gonzo: Yeah it does.

Me: Nice contribution Gonzo.

The Muppets and their friends followed Des to the hangar where they saw a glimmering silver spaceship about a quarter of the size of the actual room.

"Whoa!"

"Dios mio! Es incredible!"

"Yup, you’re looking at the S.S. Onzgo," Des Filmer smiled to the group. "Built especially for your return home, which will be its maiden voyage Gonzo."

Me: Oh the name!!

Des handed the weirdo a key. Gonzo accepted willingly, he had begun to realize there was no arguing with these people. "Thank you Des, I’ll miss you." Gonzo embraced the technician. He turned to Zongo who bowed to him.

Gonzo: I’ll miss you too!

Me: ...Yeah...

"We will never forget you Gonzo."

"Thanks Ed, it’s been...Well...It’s been, hasn’t it?" Gonzo smiled.

Me: *smiles*

Zongo smiled back and stuck his arms out at his side, signaling for a hug.

Gonzo nodded and slipped away to where Flanzgo was standing. "You know Flanzgo, it feels so weird being an uncle." Flanzgo frowned a bit. "I love it!" Gonzo hugged her tightly. "Keep in touch won’t you?"

Me: ...You didn’t hug him Gonzo!

Gonzo: Would YOU hug him?

Me: ...If there were insinuating circumstances.

Gonzo: Don’t you mean extenuating circumstances?

Me: ...I don’t know.

"OH NO!" Kermit shouted. "We forgot to call Scooter!" Kermit yanked out the phone and pressed a button, holding the phone up to his ear.

Me: HA! It’s about time you noticed frog!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

"Oh! Coom beckere chickie!" The Swedish Chef shouted, chasing Camilla around the theater.

"Chicken for dinner? But I have my figure to think about," Link Hogthrob moaned.

"Yes, you have to figure how to fit into your ‘Pigs in Space’ outfit after all these years!" Dr. Julius Strangepork laughed.

Me: Hehe.

"Is there NO time in this theater for peace, quiet and silent reading?" Sam preached.

"Oh that reminds me of an invention I must finish! The Muppet Labs Time Machine!" Bunsen exclaimed.

Me: REFERENCE!! Total reference to me and Lisa’s epic fan-fic, "The Time the Muppets Beat Time."

Gonzo: Is THAT what you two do when you’re together?

Me: Not lately, but sometimes, yes.

"Mime mee mo!"

Clifford sighed and lay down on his back on stage. "I give up..."

Suddenly, a ringing filled the air. Everyone was silent again. "Kerm!" Clifford shouted, as he sat back up, grabbing the phone off his belt. "Yo Kerm! Wassup?!" the co-host shouted into the phone. "Yeah yeah Kerm, we’re doin’ a’ight. But uh, Uncle Deadly locked us all inside so we couldn’t leave to come after ya’ll. So, uh, we’ve kinda been in here for hours!"

There was more silence as Clifford began to shout. "WHAT?! Deadly’s there with you! I paid a hundred an’ twenty bucks for pizza I didn’t get to eat!!"

Me: HAHA!

"A hundred fifty," Scooter whispered.

Me: Heh, watch it Scoot.

"Will you buzz off?!" Clifford shouted at the go-fer. "No, no Kerm wait! I just had a pest problem, taken care of, don’t worry. So when are ya’ll comin’ back? What?! That soon? Well where do we meet you? ...Oh yeah, we can’t meet you...Okay, we’ll see you here then, a’ight, later Kerm."

Clifford hung up and was mobbed with Muppets, all questioning what their froggy leader had said.

Me: Mobbed with Muppets...That’s my dream!

Gonzo: Sheesh...

* * * * * * * * * * * *

​

"Well, that takes care of that," Kermit said, hanging up the phone. "Well Gonzo, we need to go, Clifford and the others have been locked in the theater all day."

Gonzo nodded as he said his final goodbyes to Flanzgo and the other Gonzonians. "Alright guys, get on the ship."

Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Pepe, Rizzo, Animal, Butch and Clyde climbed up the stairs into their new spaceship.

Bobo slapped Zongo on his back. "Well boss, you take care o’ yourself, okay?"
Zongo smiled. "I’ll try Bobo, you do the same."

"I always do, yup, that’s me Bobo the care taker."

Me: Hehe.

Flanzgo ran to pick up Robin and hugged him in her arms. "I’ll miss you my little friend."

"Hehe, I’ll miss you to Flanzgo, it was nice meeting you!" Robin smiled. Flanzgo put him down and he hopped over to his uncle’s arms.

Me: Awww.

"Well everybody, I guess this is goodbye," Gonzo said.

Zongo, Flanzgo, Des Filmer and Xaldin stood in front of Bobo, Kermit, Robin and Gonzo. "We’ll miss you all."

The four nodded and walked into the ship, as Gonzo and Kermit took the two captain’s seats. They started the engines and began to fly out into space.

Me: Funny how you guys know how to pilot that thing.

Gonzo: *shrug* It’s a gift.

Me: So was the ship.

Flanzgo waved to her uncle with tears flowing down her cheeks. Zongo lifted a large, metallic, pink crown that resembled Onzgo’s, and crowned Flanzgo. Changing her from princess to Uber-Gonzonian with one piece of headgear.

Me: OHHH THE CROWN!!!!

A light shown on the Gonzonian empire that day. The light, was Onzgo.

Gonzo: OHHH THE LIGHT!!! *hugs Ryan*

Me: *hugs Gonzo*

 

[The Count]

Fabu! Loved how you guys marvel over the oddest things and add to the humor of the story with your banter. Now come on... Just a little more to finish commentaries on this great fanfiction. Either that, or go update Don't Trip The Driver... Or we'll let you have it with some more icy water balloons and Super Soakers and general H2O horseplay.