Chapter 2
Kermit the Frog leaned on his silver putter at Goelz Golf and Government Surplus.
Me: REFERENCE!! To Mr. Dave Goelz.
Gonzo: Who?
"Kermit, if you sink this next put you’ve beat him!" Fozzie Bear whispered to the frog.
Both Fozzie and Kermit were dressed in golfing garb. Kermit stared at the 18th hole, sinking this put would mean more than beating him, it would mean a weekly news spot on Disney Channel with all of the Muppets, and Kermit could not miss this chance.
Me: REFERENCE!! A big one to what Beauregard and I affectionately called, "The Thing." I found it on YouTube, totally cool, but it’s been removed.
Gonzo: I don’t understand any of this.
"Alright Iger," Kermit said to a tall man pulling a golf ball out of the hole. "This is it, this put decides it."
Bob Iger smiled at Kermit. "Alright Kerm, good luck."
Gonzo: Ooh, Bobo Iger!
Me: That’s Bob Iger.
Gonzo: Says you.
Kermit smiled back. "Ok Fozzie, grab the flag."
"Yes sir!" Fozzie said as he ran to the hole and removed the plastic flag.
Kermit stared down at his tiny white ball and let the tip of his putter tough the green. He concentrated deeply.
Put the ball in the cup. I am the ball. Put me in the cup. Kermit shook his head and slightly brought back his putter. Just as he began his soft decent onto the ball, the Muppet Show theme tune broke the deep concentrated silence and caused Kermit to send his ball flying into a nearby water hazard.
Kermit lowered his head and sighed. "Fozzie I thought I told you to put that on vibrate..."
Me: Typical Fozzie...Speaking of Fozzie, I really tried to make him a big player in this fic. I think I’ve sorta left him on the cutting room floor in my other fics.
"Sorry Kermit, I must’ve forgotten," Fozzie said grabbing his pink-polka dot tie with his left hand and holding a lime green cell phone with his right. He let go of his tie and answered the phone. "Hello?" he said into it.
"Tough luck Kermit," Mr. Iger said. "Better luck next time my friend," he looked at his watch. "And I have to catch a plane, so long," he said walking off the green and onto a golf cart.
Gonzo: With that tongue, no way!
Me: ...You’ve tried to catch a plane with your tongue haven’t you Gonzo...
Gonzo: Yup!
"Bye Bob, see you next week," Kermit said. He turned his attention back to Fozzie. "Something wrong Fozzie?" Kermit asked as he saw Fozzie acting more nervous than usual.
"Kermit, it’s Gonzo," Fozzie said blankly.
Gonzo: Yeah, it’s been me this whole time.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Kermit and Fozzie ran into the hospital still dressed in their golfing clothes and out of breath. Inside the waiting area a loud and furry group of creatures sat, some pacing, some dancing, most stunned.
Gonzo: Hospital?
Kermit walked around ducking and dodging boomerang fish and explosions looking for Miss Piggy or someone who knew what had happened. But before they could be found, a small dark green frog ran up and hugged Kermit. "Uncle Kermit, Uncle Kermit!" the young frog called.
Kermit patted his small head. "It’ll all be okay Robin," he comforted his nephew. "It’ll all be okay." Kermit hugged him back and grabbed his hand. "Where’s Miss Piggy?"
Gonzo: Okay? What’s gonna be okay?
Me: Um...Just try not to faint again Gonzo...
Robin wiped his eye and pointed with his free hand. "She’s over there with Rizzo, Rowlf and Scooter," he said.
The two frogs and Fozzie walked over to where Miss Piggy, Scooter, Rizzo and Rowlf sat around a coffee table, just as Robin had said. "Kermit," Rowlf said surprised.
Miss Piggy hopped up and charged into Kermit. "Oh Kermie," she wailed as she hugged him around his neck.
Gonzo: That poor, poor frog...
Me: Those poor, poor ushy gushy writers...
Fozzie walked over and sat next to Scooter. "How...How could this happen?" Fozzie asked rhetorically, shaking his head.
Gonzo: WHAT happened??
Once Piggy had let go of him, she and Kermit sat down and Kermit lifted Robin onto his lap. "Don’t worry guys," Kermit reassured them. "We’ll pull through. We’ve faced hardships before."
"But Kermit," Scooter spoke up. "None of us have been seriously hurt before. I mean Gonzo could-"
Gonzo: WHAT?!
Rizzo began to sob into Rowlf’s furry arm. "Not my buddy," he wailed. "Not my best friend!"
Fozzie stopped him, he put his hand on Scooter’s shoulder and shook his head. "No," Fozzie said plainly. "No."
Gonzo: No, no what?
The group sat quietly for awhile before Clifford walked up to them carrying two styrofoam cups of coffee in his purple hands. "Hey Kerm, hey Foz," he said. "I woulda brought you coffee too, but uh, I only got two hands. Not that it would be uncommon for me to have more around here..."
Kermit smiled, Rowlf chuckled lightly. "Did the nurse say how he was doing?" Rowlf asked.
Clifford sighed and handed Rowlf a cup of the coffee. "Yeah, nurse said he was in a deep coma," Clifford said quietly and cautiously. "She says...Well...No one knows when he’ll come out of it."
Gonzo: YOU PUT ME IN A COMA?!?!
Me: Um...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Camilla was allowed into Gonzo’s room by the doctor. She walked into room 81A where a bed sat in the middle of the right wall. In the bed, Gonzo lay silently with casts on both his legs and his right arm, and a sling on his left.
Camilla moved to the bed side and lay her head upon Gonzo’s chest. A small tear slipped from her eye. "Baguck," she clucked quietly. She rubbed his chest with her wing softly. "Buck buck," she sobbed.
Gonzo: How could you do this to my little chicky poo? She’s gonna have a peck with you when we get back to the dorm...
A nurse softly knocked on the door "Excuse me miss," she said. "Visiting hours are ending."
Me: Oh silly me...I never gave that darling nurse a name...
Camilla removed herself from the bed and walked towards the door. The nurse placed her hand on the chicken’s back. "He’ll be just fine miss," she said. "And just know that I’m pulling for him. And for you."
Gonzo: At least SOMEONE cared that I was in a coma...
Me: Oh don’t worry, I did. It was a great plot device.
Camilla sniffed. "Buck buck bawk," she clucked thanking the woman. The nurse patted her back once more and walked away. Camilla silently returned to the waiting area with her friends.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Gonzo floated in a dark area. It was completely black, he was lost. "Where am I?" he asked the air. "Am...Am I dead?" he asked quietly. He hoped he wasn’t dead. Death was the big bang, the final show, the last act! He couldn’t have ended his legacy shooting through an ice sheet! His final ride had to be big. Real big.
Gonzo: Ooh yeah, it does! I’ve already started planning it...I’ll spare you the details, but just know that if you’ve ever wanted to go to Czekoslavakia, the time to do it would be before I died...
"No," he shook his head. "I’m not dead."
There was no speculation in his voice. He knew this for a fact. He didn’t know how. He just knew.
Suddenly, a spark of light appeared.
Head toward the light. Gonzo heard a voice say. "Well," he said. "I’m not dead yet," he shrugged as he moved toward the spark.
The light grew larger as Gonzo moved forward, he knew he was heading in the right direction. The light enveloped the once dark area, then slowly cleared away revealing a wooden stage with magenta curtains.
Gonzo looked around. "The theater?" he said quietly. "What am I doing here?"
Gonzo: About seven knots.
Me: *headsmack*
The familiar theme song began to play and out danced five female Muppets.
"
It’s time to play the music" they sang in harmony.
"
It’s time to light the lights
It’s time to meet the Muppets
On the Muppet Show tonight!" they danced off stge.
Five male Muppets danced on stage from the opposite end singing as well.
"It’s time to put on make-up
It’s time to dress up right
It’s time to raise the curtain
On the Muppet Show tonight!"
The curtains opened to reveal Fozzie’s opening joke. Gonzo realized he was floating above the Muppet Show’s first season.
Me: You know I didn’t have Fozzie’s joke in there because I was too lazy to pop my DVD in and listen for one...
The curtains drew close and Kermit danced onto the middle of the stage.
"
To introduce our guest star
That’s what I’m here to do
So it really makes me happy
To introduce to you
Peter Ustinov, yay!"
The curtains opened again to reveal a large bearded man gathered around a group of Muppets, then finally revealing Kermit, Wayne, Wanda, Fozzie and four other Muppets standing and sitting on a blue and white pedestal.
"
And now let’s get things started
On the most sensational
Inspirational
Celebrational
This is what we call the Muppet Show!"
Then Gonzo saw him. Him. Himself. But not the him he was today. He was different. His nose was a light shade of blue, thin, and lightly crumpled. Gonzo noticed his eyelids had drooped down halfway over his eyes. "Wow," Gonzo said. "I’ve changed so much since then!" he exclaimed.
Gonzo: Yeah, yeah I have...I suppose you have an explanation for that too, MISTER writer?
Me: Well...Actually...Yes, yes I do.
The light swarmed around him again removing the theater from his view and revealing a dark desert where Piggy, Rowlf, Fozzie and Camilla were gathered around a bonfire.
"
Part heaven
Part space
Or have I found my place?" he heard himself sing. There he was again. Sitting on a rock in the desert. His eyelids had lifted and his nose had taken its purple color. He noticed that he was still about half the size he was today.
Gonzo: Nice description.
Me: Grathius amigo.
Gonzo: Since when do you know French?
"
You can just visit
But I plan to stay
I’m going to go back there someday."
Again the light returned. He was getting tired of this, it wasn’t even painful. The light left him in an old farmhouse where he saw himself fighting a turkey. His head had grown larger but seemed to leave his body back in 1979. It was now that he realized he was being taken through his growth. Throughout his life.
Me: I really liked this scene...
Once more came the light wrapping him inside it and sending him to a beach just atop a lighthouse. A small egg type device let a light out that shone to the sky. A signal. A humongous space ship began to descend from the sky to land at Cape Doom. The ship opened up and aliens began to dance and sing. Just as if they were family. Soon Gonzo saw himself shot into the air out of a cannon. This was who he was now. This was his final evolution (or so he presumed). That was it.
Gonzo: Evolution?
Me: Mmm hmm.
Gonzo: I thought schools couldn’t teach that anymore.
Me: See, this is why I don’t like the educational system...
The light returned one last time returning Gonzo to the black area he started out at. All was black. Dark and black. "Wait!" he shouted to no one. "Take me back! Take me back!"
Gonzo: That’s it?!
Me: For now.
Gonzo: But it was just getting good!
Me: Yeah, and now, I’m just getting hungry.
Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
Jim Henson Idea Man
Back to the Rock Season 2
Bear arrives on Disney+
Sam and Friends Book
I swear I have no idea what the poor dear is talking about...
