SesameMike
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Some Muppet skits can no longer be aired, at least on the newer episodes of Sesame Street, simply because a condition has changed on the show. For example, here are two Ernie and Bert routines that are no longer run because they make mention of the late great Mr. Hooper. (Wording is not exact, just as best as I remember.)
Skit 1: the newspaper
(Setting: Ernie and Bert in apartment living room)
BERT: Ernie, can you run over to Mr. Hooper's store and get a newspaper?
ERNIE: Why don't you get it?
B: Because I got the newspaper yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that.
E: Well if I'm gonna go outside, I'd better put on an overcoat (which he does)
B: A coat? Ernie, it's a nice day out, and you're only going half a block.
E: (Opens an umbrella) And I'll need an umbrella.
B: An umbrella? There's not a cloud in the sky!
E: Well, you never know. Better to be safe than sorry, I always say. (turns on a flashlight) And a flashlight.
B: A flashlight? Ernie, it's morning!
E: Well, it might get dark. (rubs some cream on his face) And some suntan lotion.
B: Suntan lotion??
E: You know how easy I sunburn, Bert.
B: All right, NOW are you ready to get the newspaper.
E: I sure am. <pause> As soon as I get some bubble gum.
B: Bubble gum? What FOR?
E: In case I meet any bears, on the way.
B: Ernie, there are no bears on Sesame Street.
E: Well, you never know.
B: OK Ernie, OK. But what good, will the bubble gum do?
E: Well you give the bear a piece of bubble gum, you see. And he is so busy chewing it that he can't bite you.
B: That is the DUMBEST thing I have EVER heard. Besides we don't have any bubble gum even.
E: Then I can't get the newspaper.
B: OK Ernie, OK Ernie, OK. You win. I'll get you some bubble gum.
E: Where will you get it?
B: I don't know... at Mr. Hooper's store I guess.
E: OK, but while you're there, pick up a newspaper will ya? <insert Ernie's trademark "kee-he-he" laugh>
Skit 2: chocolate ice cream
(Ernie is eating ice cream off a plate, on the wall in th living room)
ERNIE: Hi there. I'm enjoying some chocolate ice cream. I enjoyed it so much I ate Bert's chocolate ice cream. Not sure what I'll say when he comes home. Mabe he won't notice.
(Front door opens, Bert walks in)
BERT: Hi Ernie, here I am, I'm ready for my chocolate ice cream.
E: Oh, sure Bert. I'll get it for you.
(Ernie disappears and returns with a plate containing two bananas sans peels.
B: Ernie!
E: Yes Bert?
B: What is THAT?
E: That? That's chocolate ice cream.
B: No, Ernie. That's not chocolate ice cream.
E: No? Why not?
B: Chocolate ice cream is SOFT. That is HARD.
(Ernie disappears and returns with a fork. Mashes up the bananas)
E: OK then, we'll just soften it up. OK. Now go ahead and enjoy your chocolate ice cream.
B: No Ernie, it is still not chocolate ice cream.
E: No? Why not, Bert?
B: Chocolate ice cream is COLD. That is WARM.
(Ernie disappears and returns with an tray of ice cubes. Spreads ice among the bananas)
E: OK then, we'll just put some ice cubes on it. There, now it's cold, now it's soft, go ahead and enjoy your chocolate ice cream.
B: No Ernie, it is STILL not chocolate ice cream.
E: No? Why not?
B: Chocolate ice cream is BROWN. That is WHITE.
(Ernie disappears and returns with a gravy boat. Pours gravy all over the bananas)
E: OK then, we'll just put some gravy on it.
B: Ernie, that's not gonna work. EEE-YECCH!
E: All right. Now it's soft, now it's cold, and now it's brown. Go ahead and enjoy your chocolate ice cream.
(Oscar, who is in an unusually good mood, enters the room)
OSCAR: Hey, Mr. Hooper just gave me these two ice cream cones. I knew I couldn't eat both of them. Would either of you like one.
B: Sure. I'll take one. You have that mess, Ernie.
(Oscar spots the mixture on the wall)
O: Hey... what is THAT? <pause>That's no "mess" It looks to me like mashed banana with ice cubes and gravy on top. (hands Ernie the other cone) You can have the ice cream, this is one of my favorites!
(Ernie and Bert look at each other in amazement as Oscar apparently eats the banana mixture. Though we don't actually see him eat it, only act excited over it.)
Skit 1: the newspaper
(Setting: Ernie and Bert in apartment living room)
BERT: Ernie, can you run over to Mr. Hooper's store and get a newspaper?
ERNIE: Why don't you get it?
B: Because I got the newspaper yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that.
E: Well if I'm gonna go outside, I'd better put on an overcoat (which he does)
B: A coat? Ernie, it's a nice day out, and you're only going half a block.
E: (Opens an umbrella) And I'll need an umbrella.
B: An umbrella? There's not a cloud in the sky!
E: Well, you never know. Better to be safe than sorry, I always say. (turns on a flashlight) And a flashlight.
B: A flashlight? Ernie, it's morning!
E: Well, it might get dark. (rubs some cream on his face) And some suntan lotion.
B: Suntan lotion??
E: You know how easy I sunburn, Bert.
B: All right, NOW are you ready to get the newspaper.
E: I sure am. <pause> As soon as I get some bubble gum.
B: Bubble gum? What FOR?
E: In case I meet any bears, on the way.
B: Ernie, there are no bears on Sesame Street.
E: Well, you never know.
B: OK Ernie, OK. But what good, will the bubble gum do?
E: Well you give the bear a piece of bubble gum, you see. And he is so busy chewing it that he can't bite you.
B: That is the DUMBEST thing I have EVER heard. Besides we don't have any bubble gum even.
E: Then I can't get the newspaper.
B: OK Ernie, OK Ernie, OK. You win. I'll get you some bubble gum.
E: Where will you get it?
B: I don't know... at Mr. Hooper's store I guess.
E: OK, but while you're there, pick up a newspaper will ya? <insert Ernie's trademark "kee-he-he" laugh>
Skit 2: chocolate ice cream
(Ernie is eating ice cream off a plate, on the wall in th living room)
ERNIE: Hi there. I'm enjoying some chocolate ice cream. I enjoyed it so much I ate Bert's chocolate ice cream. Not sure what I'll say when he comes home. Mabe he won't notice.
(Front door opens, Bert walks in)
BERT: Hi Ernie, here I am, I'm ready for my chocolate ice cream.
E: Oh, sure Bert. I'll get it for you.
(Ernie disappears and returns with a plate containing two bananas sans peels.
B: Ernie!
E: Yes Bert?
B: What is THAT?
E: That? That's chocolate ice cream.
B: No, Ernie. That's not chocolate ice cream.
E: No? Why not?
B: Chocolate ice cream is SOFT. That is HARD.
(Ernie disappears and returns with a fork. Mashes up the bananas)
E: OK then, we'll just soften it up. OK. Now go ahead and enjoy your chocolate ice cream.
B: No Ernie, it is still not chocolate ice cream.
E: No? Why not, Bert?
B: Chocolate ice cream is COLD. That is WARM.
(Ernie disappears and returns with an tray of ice cubes. Spreads ice among the bananas)
E: OK then, we'll just put some ice cubes on it. There, now it's cold, now it's soft, go ahead and enjoy your chocolate ice cream.
B: No Ernie, it is STILL not chocolate ice cream.
E: No? Why not?
B: Chocolate ice cream is BROWN. That is WHITE.
(Ernie disappears and returns with a gravy boat. Pours gravy all over the bananas)
E: OK then, we'll just put some gravy on it.
B: Ernie, that's not gonna work. EEE-YECCH!
E: All right. Now it's soft, now it's cold, and now it's brown. Go ahead and enjoy your chocolate ice cream.
(Oscar, who is in an unusually good mood, enters the room)
OSCAR: Hey, Mr. Hooper just gave me these two ice cream cones. I knew I couldn't eat both of them. Would either of you like one.
B: Sure. I'll take one. You have that mess, Ernie.
(Oscar spots the mixture on the wall)
O: Hey... what is THAT? <pause>That's no "mess" It looks to me like mashed banana with ice cubes and gravy on top. (hands Ernie the other cone) You can have the ice cream, this is one of my favorites!
(Ernie and Bert look at each other in amazement as Oscar apparently eats the banana mixture. Though we don't actually see him eat it, only act excited over it.)