Muppet College Dorms: The Next Semester

[BeakerSqueedom]

Claudia:
YYYEEEEHAHAHAHA!
(Standing by her bed, wearing a labcoat, she cakles madly)
She's alive!

Busnen:
You give mad scientists a bad name.
Come now...do it like a professional!
(Looks modest for a few seconds)

Beaker and Phil:
(Looking at him curiously)

Claudia:
(Raises an eyebrow)

Bunsen:
Ohohoho!

Claudia:
Is that all you got?

Bunsen:
Oh, so sorry.
That was my happy laugh.

HEEHAHAHAHA!

[They all cringe]

Dr. Van Neuter:
Don't you do that again!

Claudia:
ANYWAY!
ALEX LIVES!
(Gets on her bed and tackles her into a huge hug)
I MISSEDD YOU!
WE MUST MAKE CHAOS TOGETHER!

Beaker:
(Hands Alex a flower, and his number attached to it)

OOC: Hyper...HYPER...HYYPPEERR!

 

[Beakerfan]

Alex: *still trying to pull Bean out of the vacuum while happily holding her flower* Hey guys! Great to see ya'll!

Vacuum: WHIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR.........

Alex: *contiues to tug* Don't worry Bean! I ain't quittin you!

Sweetums: *shakes his head and unplugs the vacuum*

Bean: * comes flying out of the vacuum with a FWOP! and lands in Phil's arms*

 

[anytimepally]

Johnny: (as Sal wakes him up) Wha! .. What? .. I didn't do it!.. He was dead when I got there!
Randall: Wake up Johnny, we're going for Tacos.
Don: Who was dead when you got there?
Johnny: Nobody.. nightmares, you know...
Sal: Yeah, and anyway, it's Taco Time!

(begin background music)

The Two-Headed Monster: Erdyy manna wannna beah taco taco man
to have the kinna chompy alway in sacan
eatinging ein da morn go TACO!
wurquin in helfen spada monkeys grow
you better beleafin' hesa Taco man
rezzy ta chomp wiff, everheava can

Everyone: (as we CONGA out the door)
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
TACO, TACO man (TACO man)
I've got to be, a TACO man
TACO, TACO man
I've got to be a TACO! Ow....

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Dr. Van Neuter:
Wow, talk about being lucky.
*Puts him down*

Oh wait...do I hear....?

Claudia:
CONGA!

Bunsen:
Don't get her started...

Claudia:
Happy birthday, Randall!
La da dee dee da da!

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Nora: I really need to send a thank-you note to Bryan, Big Bird, Bert, Ernie, Cookie Monster and Snuffy, for the gifts they sent over. (adjusts clip-on light on book)
Beige: (poking head in) Got any of those raspberry tarts left?
Nora: Just one, but you're welcome to it.
(loud crunch from the common room)
Storyteller: (emerging from hut) What on earth was that? Did something break in the kitchen?
Scooter: (looking at shelves) Doesn't look like anything fell...
Erin: That was my neck you just heard. (rubs neck and turns gaze back to computer)
Nora: (exiting her room) That was your neck?
Erin: We're coming down to the end of the semester. They don't call it crunch time for nothing.
Scooter: Ouch...just how many 90-page papers are you working on?
Storyteller: Erin, you put that laptop down this instant, understand? And from what I've heard, your academic stress is making its way into your dreams at night...it's not healthy, Muppet Newsgirl.
Erin: I know, I know...but try telling that to the professors who assigned me those papers. (shrugs, powers off computer)
Beige: (enters room with last raspberry tart) Here, have some. (breaks off a piece and hands it to Erin)

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Claudia:
(Bursts into Erin's room with incredible energy,fueled by caffiene)
Alright, here is the deal.
To relieve our stress, we must do what we do best.
(A powerful silence sweeps over her)

We must watch Muppet movies until we crack!
I know just how to help you out with your physical discomforts!

(Bluntly, she twists Erin's head to the side [[not all the way--we don't want you dead]] cracking her neck. Repeats the action...in the opposite direction)

Bunsen:
(Voice sounding distant)
She ran off again.
Oh, you know very well you can't escape me.
We need you for that experiment!

Beaker:
Meee mee mee.
(Takes out a plastic bag)

Bunsen:
(With a gloved hand, he takes a cookie from the bag as if dangerous)
I was afraid of doing this.
Tsstsst.

Cllaauuuddiiiaaa...
This cookie was made by Mr. Jackson.
Tsstsst.

Claudia:
Michael?
I'm not dumb!
(Looks sheepish)

Really?

Bunsen:
Would I lie?

Claudia:
(Rushes out of Erin's room)
BYEE!

---

Dr. Van Neuter:
Why?

Bunsen:
Oh, why!

Beaker:
MEEWWHHHYYY?

[Claudia comes out of the machine, only to be seen in gangster clothes, wearing a cornrose, and having gold teeth]

Claudia:
Yo, what's up my homies of the hood.
Yah know you can't touch this.
I be rockin' your world with my awesomeness.
Why am I hanging with you bunch o' nerds?
This is sooo whack!

Look at muh bling bling (Shows rings that spell out "Pimpette")!
Hah.

Peace out, dawg.


Bunsen:
What have I done?
(Collapses)

Dr. Van Neuter:
You've created a slang hip teenager...
who does not even know what a nucleous is!

Beaker:
Mee mee mee?

Claudia:
That's easy, Beaker.
It's your brain, dude.

Beaker:
(Gasps)

Bunsen:
That is incorrect!
I've created an idiot!

Claudia:
You crampin' up my style, man.
I'm no idiot, gangsta.
I'm just altering the truth...
originality, man.

Dr. Van Neuter:
So, you mean to say, our Claudia was the smart one?

Bunsen:
Yes, hard to believe, hmm?
we are now observing her "less-educated" side...
at it's fullest.

Dr. Van Neuter:
She hates slang...
WE SHOULD RECORD THIS!
(Looks to his friends evilly)

Bunsen:
What an excellent idea!

Beaker:
(Nods)

Dr. Van Neuter:
That way we can blackmail her.

Bunsen:
Oh, I feel so naughty!
Pass me the camera.

Claudia:
DUDE!
Like, I am too awesome for the camera.
(Looks at them stupidly)

Beaker:
Meep.
(Hands Bunsen the cam)

Claudia:
Who wants a noogie?
Oh...cookies...
(Munches on them)

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Storyteller: Was that physically possible?
Beige: You know, in the Cave they used to...
Scooter: Never mind that, I think they heard that five states away.
Nora: That looked a little extreme - I mean, I'd use a heating pad or some gentle massage, but that was...
Erin: (massaging neck) Don't knock it, it worked. (calls over) Thanks, Claudia, what do I owe you for that?

 

[The Count]

Hmmm... She must've learned that technique from Sal's boneology book. Well, there's only one cure for degangstering Claudia. Just get someone who's experienced and tough enough to beat her back into her old self via the "Yo Mama" method.

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Claudia:
(Appears behind Eddie and pokes him lightly)
Update your story!
That'll help!

Dr. Van Neuter:
(Drags her away)
Like, you're already cured.

Claudia:
SHHH! Don't tell him that!

Dr. Van Neuter:
Too late.

Claudia:
(Pouts as she is back in her room)

---

Claudia:
(Reading her book)

Bunsen:
That was a terrible impression, I tell you.
You make hipsters look disasterous.
(Snickers)

Dr. Van Neuter:
Gangster...

Beaker:
Meep.

Bunsen:
Whatever, today's "cool" seems all the same to me.

Dr. Van Neuter:
Yeah.

Claudia:
Oh, no.
I danced to RAP ON THE TABLE?
(Gasps)
EEE!
(Grabs the cam and throws it out the window)

Bunsen:
There goes my invention...

Dr. Van Neuter:
We were nearing the best part!
(Groans)

 

[tvlistingman]

PETER: What's Up for Tonight

ZOE: How about we go swimming

PETER: Yes!

BABY BEAR: And we go to have a Late Dinner at Everybody Eats where Grover works

LITTLE BIRD: We're going to have a fun day tonight!