WOOOOO!!!
That... Went better than I thought. But it's good to know, that even Miss Piggy, gets nervous.
More please!
Oh, this was nothing. Just wait and see what happens in this installment! So, I've done a callback to a scene from Monday Dinner Date and remembered that Newsie hadn't been aware where the originating line had come from, so at the end of this, I shall tell you (as well as where the line in MDD is located).
VI.
Three weeks later
Putting together a movie was nothing like putting together a show. Putting on a weekly show really only included knowing which acts planned on performing and making sure that all of the elements were in place in order to get the show on the road, so to speak.
A weekly show really only encompassed three parts – getting acts or a guest star, getting the theater ready for said acts, and then putting on the show.
Production for a film was quite different.
The development stage was usually the most difficult, as it required having something set in stone, such as a story or an idea that needed to be told onscreen. This covered everything from coming up with said idea to actually putting it on paper. Luckily, for Kermit and the gang, this had been taken care of thanks to a class assignment given to Scooter.
Scooter had basically done all the work during this development stage and all that needed to be done was get to the next step, that of the pre-production.
Again, the Muppets in general had taken care of the pre-production too. It helped that they had been in the business for quite some time and it also helped that they also had the studio in order to produce the film. Added to that was their new parent company, who was quite happy in helping them, financially, in any new project that they wanted to do. It also helped that, should they need anything, they were only a visit or a phone call away.
As with most things, the pre-production stage took place at the same time as the production stage, with sets being built around the lot as the cast and crew began to go through dress rehearsals. Muppet Studios wasn’t just an attraction for all the fans of the Muppets nor was it just the location of the famed Muppet Theatre where the Muppet Show took place.
The lot as a whole had grown since the initial offering from JP Grosse to use the Benny Vandergast Vaudeville Theatre as a legitimate business endeavor for a group of motely Muppets who wanted to make people happy in the entertainment biz. The theater had only been a rental until the idea of expanding it to the lot that Grosse additionally owned; and thus Muppet Studios was born.
The expansion to that of a studio lot was actually all thanks to that first movie, the movie that Kermit thought people might like to see and the idea that he had been writing and working on during the last year of their show run. The more popular the show got, the more questions were asked and the number one at the time – besides whether there was something going on between him and Piggy – was how had the Muppets met.
The movie was of course a fictionalized account – Kermit couldn’t actually say that he and Rowlf had been in the business together for a while and just happened to meet in some bar one night - and certain elements had to be changed, like having Scooter become the Mayhem’s manager, despite him being about twelve at the actual event.
But it had been that first movie that had sealed the deal for a lot of things and years, decades really, later, their lot was seeing a new production.
Scooter was normally one of the first people to arrive at the studios as a whole. Switching from stage manager to production assistant pretty much entailed the same job skills, though it also meant a lot more work. The actual front of the lot was mostly the offices in which actual work got done – office row, as they like to call it – was probably the only place in which anything could be done in peace and quiet.
Kermit’s official office naturally started the row off; the two had been known to try and get administrative and financial work done in that office, away from the prying eyes and ears of the others in the theater. It was in that office Scooter had learned about Kermit’s reasoning for selling the studios initially to Tex Richman and why the studios had been bleeding money for the last few years. It had taken the assistant weeks to forgive the frog for that huge misstep, though he had to admit to himself that he hadn’t exactly forgiven Kermit for the breakup of the Muppets in the first place.
Scooter’s office was next, something that Kermit felt the younger Muppet needed as he took on more and more responsibilities. If someone had told the then fifteen year old Scooter that he would one day be coming to work for the same people, but with several titles and his own office years later, he would’ve laughed in their faces.
He had been a kid then, only forced to work there because his uncle wanted him out of his hair during the summer and after school, but he couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t learned anything while he had been there and if he was truthful with himself – and he usually was when it came to the group – they had been the family he had sorely wanted and missed as a child.
Scooter’s office was a reflection of both his work on the Muppet Show and as well as his personal habits. His was the only office that had a computer in it, a second laptop that he always kept, and the walls were surrounded with autographs from the stars that had been on the show. He could definitely say his prized possession was that of a framed Stars Wars poster which had been autographed by Mark Hamill, Anthony Daniels, and Peter Mayhew when they had been on the show.
And aside from Dr. Bunsen Honeydew’s office, which was one door over, Scooter’s office was also the only one that was fairly technological in nature. Attached to the laptop was that of a 24 inch monitor, which itself was connected to a set of speakers that sat on the desk and a subwoofer that was nestled underneath; on the other side of the laptop was a USB connection port which allowed him to charge both his iPad and ultrabook, as well as his smartphone.
A small bookcase was situated against the wall behind the desk, showcasing not only his physical love of books, but his coffee addiction as well. The top shelve held a variety of different mugs, though at present there were only four – two official Muppet Show mugs, one that had his name and that of his stage manager title, and a gag gift from Gonzo and Fozzie one year that said ‘boy wonder’, an allusion to the nickname of Robin, Batman’s sidekick and ward, but also a moniker he himself had taken when he began to show he was more than just JP Grosse’s nephew.
These offices, at least his and Kermit’s, were fairly organized and clean due to the fact that neither frequented them often. The only reason Scooter came to his office these days was when he needed a portable charger, which he usually kept in his desk. In fact, that was the reason he was there now, popping in to grab the charger, as well as to make sure that his laptop was up to date. He always tended to be in the office more when they were working on a movie, as it allowed him to work on some of the editing while still on the lot.
Grabbing his mobile charger from the desk, while simultaneously letting Windows run the bazillion updates he needed, Scooter walked out and began to lock the door behind him. He was a bit surprised as Kermit’s door was also opening and closing, while also being locked. “Andrew,” replied Piggy, seeing the assistant standing a little ways off. “Good morning.”
“Ahoy hoy,” came his response. He waited while she walked towards him and the two began to head off in the direction of the set that they hoped had been set up for the start of the day’s shoot. “Do I even need to ask why…?”
“That frog kicked me out of my own dressing room, if you can believe it,” she muttered, though there was clearly no bite to it. Piggy had been known to acquire keys to just about anything that Kermit owned and that meant having the key to both his office within the theater and his office on the lot. Piggy didn’t have an office herself, she didn’t really need nor required one, but if she ever did need one, Kermit’s was usually hers for the taking.
Scooter’s phone gave an audible beep, a tone he usually reserved for text and email messages. Pulling it out from his pocket, he said, “And speaking of the frog, he managed to send me a text. ‘ I love you guise presents. Proud of blunt.’”
Just as it was known that Piggy had keys to Kermit’s office, it was equally known that Kermit was extremely resistant to technology. Not all technology, mind, as it was technology that helped to power the show and these movie productions; no, Kermit hated moving into the digital age where people texted more than talked and emailed more than sat face to face. Piggy and Scooter had apparently made it their mission in life to
make Kermit embrace this and they had literally browbeaten him into getting a smartphone.
Or rather, Piggy had given it to him as a present and Kermit was told that he would use it or she would hurt him. Real badly.
And because Kermit was very much an independent frog, he always did his best to show that he could learn this stuff on his own, with hilarious results obviously. Texting was the one hold out that Kermit was reluctant to do, though he would do it, and the fact that his autocorrect kicked in at every opportunity meant you just needed to know the frog to truly understand what he may have meant to say.
“I think he meant he gave us presents and he’s proud of us,” Scooter interpreted. “Or perhaps he loves the guise of presents and is proud of Emily Blunt. She is doing very well.”
“For anyone else,” Piggy retorted. “Text to speech is a horrible, but sometimes necessary, burden. That of course is the one thing the frog gravitated to faster than a bear to honey.”
Walking through the soundstage, the caters had already set up the breakfast, snack, and desert trays inside, next to the door, and an excited Fozzie Bear rushed past them to be the first in line for the mini cupcakes that had just been laid out.
“Or faster than Fozzie to a cupcake,” the diva amended.
The soundstage for Muppet Studio was encompassed in the same building that most of their larger props and sets were housed for the Muppet Show and in most cases, was the backdrop for many of their movies themselves, especially the interior shots that may have been impossible to do with a ton of people around.
Currently, the soundstage was set up to look like a 1940s detective office, split into two sides – the larger side on their left was going to be the backdrop that would be Kermit Hollywood’s inner office, while the smaller side on the right would be reserve for that of the outer office where Wanda, Hollywood’s secretary in the movie, would sit.
Next to that set was that of the interior for what would be Count Herbert Gonzolo’s study, where the meeting between Gonzolo and Hollywood would take place and would also serve to introduce the characters of the Count’s three solicitors – Bunsen Melon, Beaker Von Tropp, and Andrew Hess – it would also serve as the introduction to the Count’s mysterious benefactor and that of his two henchmen.
As the duo came towards the two soundstages, they could easily see whatever present Kermit was bestowing on them, if the giant red bow tied across was any indication. Now as professional as Scooter and Piggy wanted to appear, their very first day on the set, the prospects of presents knocked all of that right out; they tried their best to walk – very quickly and excitedly – towards the big red bow, but ultimately gave up in the face of Christmas coming early.
How Scooter managed to outpace her, he didn’t know and probably wouldn’t ask, but he was able to touch the red bow only second before Piggy did, however both of them utilize the teamwork they would need on this project to remove the bow and stare at the two director’s chairs that stood before them. The chair on the left had Piggy’s familiar scrawl etched into the back while the chair on the right had Scooter’s name prominent with little tech designs for the ‘Os’ in his name.
Miss Piggy
Director
Scooter Grosse
Screenwriter
On the front side was the title of their Muppet production, done in the same design Scooter had devised for it when he had first written the script for his class assignment.
Murder Over My Muppets
“Say what you will about the frog,” Scooter said, a little in awe of the gift of his very own director’s set chair. “He knows how to give gifts. We gotta get him something nice for Christmas.”
“Most def,” Piggy whispered.
If Scooter had been in awe, Piggy had been very much veklempted at the gesture. On set, Kermit had the director’s chair, so him to give her – give them both – this kind of gift not only showed how much he trusted them, but how much of his own control he was giving up. It was one thing for her to sit in the famed director’s chair that her frog held, it was something else for him to bestow upon the coveted title that he himself had wheeled around for years to her.
And this gesture right here showed he wasn’t planning on being private about it either.
Holding in a secretive smile – oh, she planned on thanking that frog much later – she turned to her screenwriter and said, “Time to punch in.”
However, such as she was about to sit down for the first time in her very awesome director’s chair, Robin came running up to them both, slightly out of breath. Like Walter, Scooter hadn’t forseen the return of a teenaged frog and so hadn’t put a specific part in the script for him, however his return had come at just the right time.
Earlier in the year, Robin’s return to the Muppet Show had marked a decidedly different role for the young frog. Obviously no longer too small to be seen, Robin had enthusiastically volunteered to help out around the theater, usually providing the extra hand that might be needed with the stage crew. To this end, Kermit had jokingly promoted Scooter and had given him his nephew as a go-fer.
The two Muppets had been fairly close during the original run of the show, sharing many things in common – both served as the youngest regular members of the cast, both had been only children, and at the time, both were living/staying with their prospective uncles. They even shared in the fact that their uncles were the brothers to their fathers and when looked into deeper, both had somewhat tumultuous family home lives.
Reuniting with the younger frog, especially now a much older one at that, allowed Scooter to bring Robin into the geeky fold he himself had been able to enjoy with his Muppet Show cast members. They had taken to using the Star Wars Jedi motif of master and apprentice when backstage, both to gleefully state their love of the movies and to irritate the heck out of their elders, and it was this passage that Scooter had employed when speaking to both his young apprentice and that of Walter shortly after their last group meeting.
Scooter had remarked to Kermit that with his elevated role as screenwriter and production editor/assistant, he would have to push off his normal duties as assistant to the frog. Kermit had certainly understood; in the past, the two of them were probably the hardest working Muppets in show business, as they alone took on way too many duties and responsibilities as the captain and first mate.
The frog captain had left it up to his redhead first mate to decide how he wanted to proceed, trusting that Scooter would know what to do and who to turn to.
Hence his solution for including both Robin and Walter in the production by turning over his normal assistant duties to them.
“Walter,” he had begun, pulling both of them over afterwards. “I’m really sorry for having a part for you in this. We hadn’t met you yet and…”
“It’s okay, Scooter,” the newest Muppet replied.
“Anyway, I couldn’t let the two of you just hang around set making a nuisance of yourselves…”
“That part’s aimed at me, I’m sure,” Robin retorted.
“Walter,” the assistant said. “I’m really gonna need some help during this production and I can’t think of a better person to help with that.”
“Gee, thanks Scooter!”
“Padawan,” he continued, now addressing his official go-fer. “I hereby promote you to stage knight, with all the powers and privileges that go with that. And, I present you your very own padawan to train in the subtle art of stage production and assistance. Do not fail me.”
“No worries, Scootie-Wan,” the frog said, saluting. “You can count on me.” Turning to his new charge, he said, “Padawan, I shall call you Walter.”
“Oh good,” the padawan responded. “It makes it easier to come when I’m called.”
“You guys better come outside,” Robin said, once he had caught his breath. “We got a problem.”
“Well, that didn’t take long,” murmured Scooter, following the younger frog towards the other side of the stage, with Piggy right beside him.
“I knew this morning was going way too smoothly,” she concurred.
On the westside entrance, the three walked out the side door and were presented with a small picket line. A small amalgamation of stage pigs, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Pepe the King Prawn, and about two new chorus girls were parading around in a circle, ultimately following an indignant Link Hogthrob; the male diva was holding up a sign that declared Miss Piggy to be unfair, though the backside clearly dictated that Piggy was holding a fun fair had been crossed out with a black marker.
Leaning against the side of the building was Rizzo, arms crossed and grimacing as his watched his short compadre prancing around the circle with the others. “I told him this was a bad idea,” he muttered, hearing the trio walk out.
“Noticed you didn’t stop them,” Scooter groused.
“Hey!” the rat cried. “I’m the one that told the kid to come get you! And here you are. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go do something productive.”
“That productivity better include staying away from that cheese platter,” Piggy stated.
“Yes, your highness,” the rat retorted, sulking past them and heading inside.
When Link made his third pass around, he finally managed to see Piggy and Scooter standing, though the others had noticed them moments earlier. Seeing as this was a Hogthrob production, so it were, they all decided to let him do the talking and ultimately, let him take the beating that could potentially come. And they were all sure that a beating would come.
“Speak of the probe-able she-devil,” Link announced, halting his congregation in mid-march. “Just so you know, Miss Piggy, while everyone else may have been fooled by your pretty looks and half-way decent charms, the rest of us know the exact extent this production is under.”
“You’ve got some nerve, Link!” Scooter scolded, taking a step towards the pig, only being halted by a rather calm diva.
“The only nerve I have, young Scooter,” Hogthrob began, his voice taking on the regal tone he always used when trying to sound smarter than he really was. “Is to stand up for the little guy, like Pablo here.”
“The name’s Pepe, h’okay.”
“Sure Pedro,” the pig continued. “It’s just like the frog to put Piggy in charge, when she hasn’t even done anything! Why, I have more talent in my ascot than she does! In fact, I have even more directing credits than she does.”
“Is that so?” Piggy asked.
“That’s so,” Link said, matter of factly. “I once directed summer stock.”
“I thought you said you did that in high school,” one of the chorus protesters stated.
“I did,” the pig nodded. “And it’s still one more thing than Piggy, so there.”
“And this how you all feel, right?” she asked, lazily, gesturing the group that stood behind the male diva. Unsteady looks and uncertainty passed between everyone Link’s back, unknown to the supposed star, who was completely assured that the others were behind him.
Piggy and Scooter exchanged a look before Piggy sighed, “Alright.”
“You obviously didn’t bother to read the script, Link,” Scooter chastised. “Because it’s certainly not like you to give up a rather major part in a motion picture production.”
The tan glow that usually accompanied the male diva’s face drained. “What?”
“Oh, didn’t you know?” asked Piggy, a slight smile on her face. “Your…uh…police chief from the Bear on Patrol sketches is the police chief and lead investigator on this case.”
“Don’t bother,” Scooter said. “You know, Link, you’ve actually done me a favor. I was trying to get a role for Walter and you leaving Police Chief is the best thing…”
“Whoa, whoa, wait!” the pig pleaded, grabbing on to Scooter’s arm. “Hold up there, Scooter. Listen, I think there’s been some mistake. I’m not sure, but in the course of my praising Piggy’s directorial debut, these guys mistook me for making a picnic fence.”
“Picket line, Linkie,” Strangepork corrected.
Grabbing the lead pig by his ascot, Piggy growled, “Listen nimrod, you’re toeing the line and on the first day, too. If you want to keep your part and your job, I suggest you start using the foam you call your brain before making any drastic decisions. Got it?”
“Of course,” the pig gulped.
Releasing him, the diva turned her ire on the others. “And that goes for the rest of you,” she said. “Now get inside and find something to do before Scooter or I find something for you.”
The group quickly mowed over their former leader, all rushing to get out of the ever angry eye of Piggy and the script changing magic that was now held by Scooter. Link stood up on shaky legs, stumbling towards the doorway and missing it by an inch, instead running into the doorjam. He nearly missed running into Walter, who had been looking for the director and the writer for a good five minutes.
“There you are,” he said. “We’re all ready for you, Madam Director. Scooter, I went ahead and ordered more coffee and juice for everyone.”
“Thank you, dear.”
Nodding, the brunette ducked quickly back inside and went to do whatever he needed to do. “That Walter is certainly efficient,” the diva replied, heading back inside herself.
“Yes,” Scooter muttered, his eyes narrowed slightly as he watched the younger Muppet head back inside. “Quite efficient. Maybe a little
too efficient.”
Heaving a sigh, Piggy turned herself back around and latched an arm through that of Scooter’s before pulling him along. “Once again, dearheart,” she replied, sending a look towards him. “Kermie and I love you, as does everyone else.”
It was a funny conversation that the two had had before, most of it stemming from Scooter’s unnatural dislike and loathing of Kermit’s robotic chauffer. Usually the first person to jump on the technology band wagon, Piggy had almost immediately recognized that his dislike hadn’t been for the robot itself, but that he had somehow gotten the impression that Kermit had replaced him.
Having spent so long being the essential right hand man to the Muppet leader had brought about a rise in his confidence and responsibilities; when the group had split, it had hurt Scooter in the worse way. Piggy had once thought the group’s break up, which ironically corresponded with the breakup of her and Kermit, was just one giant divorce and for some, that divorce left them without an effective ‘parent’ to turn to.
“And no one could ever replace you,” she added. “Haven’t we had this conversation before?”
“I don’t recall.”
“Hmm.”
With one crisis down and the possibility of many more throughout the day, both Scooter and Piggy made their way back to their chairs and the cameras, not at all surprised to see Kermit, already dressed in his character’s clothing, waiting for them.
As much as Kermit had planned to keep a hands off approach, it didn’t stop his sense for knowing when things weren’t going smoothly. “Problems?” he asked, once they got closer.
“Nothing we couldn’t handle, Mon Cher.”
“Oh good,” he said, nodding. “Oh, by the way, I just got off the phone with the big wigs above us. I thought you’d both like to know that I managed to score Stage 9 over at MGM or Sony or whatever it’s called.”
“Stage 9?” Scooter asked, his eyes wide.
“The same stage 9 where they filmed the first Thin Man movie and subsequent series?” Piggy asked.
“And the very same lot where the latest Ironman was just filmed?” Both frog and pig looked at the assistant. “You know I take my comics very seriously,” the redhead added.
Kermit smiled slightly. “Right on both accounts,” he replied. “Thought it might helpful, you know, additional scenes that we might not be able to do here.”
Piggy didn’t think she would ever find Kermit as attractive as she did at that moment. Dressed in a suit with tie, covered by an obviously battered trench coat, and a brown fedora sitting casually on his head, the frog seemed to be doing everything in his power to make sure that this production would run smoothly.
Remembering a scene from just recently, where she had headed off to Paris once more, leaving Kermit watching her from outside the security gate; it was probably the only time in their entire relationship that he had ever told her his feelings for her in a public place, one that hadn’t been dictated by the words he had written on a page.
“I love you,” she said.
“I know,” he smirked, heading past her. Stopping momentarily, he sided up to her, saying, “Don’t say I didn’t do anything for ya.”
Watching him head towards his mark, Scooter quickly looked at the time of his cell phone. “We’re behind schedule.”
“What else is new?” she stated. “Alright people, time is ticking and we got a movie to start. Places!”
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