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Kermie's Girl (ushy-gushy fanfic)

bouncingbabyfig

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Hehe. Hi! I'm newly signed up, but I've been reading your story for the past couple of weeks(Or is it months?)though. And I can only gush about your skill! It is AMAZING!! At the beginning I was kinda worried of where you would go with this, but I realise now that I should trust you and this story. To sum np how I feel, I can only say this: Jim Henson would be proud.:jim:
 

Ruahnna

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Awww. Now you're gonna make me all teary. Thank you, sweetie. You are very sweet to say that. One thing I can promise--you can trust me and where I'm taking the characters. I won't betray your trust in me, or the characters Jim and his merry band so lovingly created for us.

You made my whole day!

Auntie Ru
 

Muppetfan44

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Awww, loved this new update. I loved how Miss Piggy had her own seat-protector and how she handled the total sleazeball. Loved the other first class passengers and their responses to Piggy- it was hard enough leaving her frog but her fans will always be there for her.

Kermit being all sad was also adorable.

As always, please post more.

Also glad to see that you're getting the praise you deserve from fellow fans as well as myself! :smile:
 

Ruahnna

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Sorry folks--this one is a little sad, but it will be okay. Promise.
Ever, Ru

Chapter 99: The Summer I Played Juliet

The hotel suite was lovely. Her new boss had stocked it with a fruit basket, a muffin basket and a selection of sparkling water. Kermit had filled it to the brim with flowers and chocolates and balloons. Piggy smiled fondly, plucking the taut strings of the balloons and thinking of Gonzo, and beginnings and—Oh! So many things! There were roses and carnations and, of course, lilies of all sorts, and Piggy buried her snout in one and inhaled the sweet scent. Piggy had not had a favorite flower until she and Kermit had spent that day at the lake. It had been warm, and Piggy—who had dressed to impress with her femininity—was wishing she were wearing a few fewer layers of lace. Kermit had invited her to shed a few layers, only half teasing, and stripped down himself to dive in the cool green water. Watching him swim, his smooth green skin sleek and shining in the dappled sunlight, Piggy had known herself to be deeply in love. If Kermit had only asked her that day, she would have said yes—would have known herself beloved and cherished. But Kermit had not—not then.
Suddenly, Piggy put the flowers down and walked briskly over to the bed. She unpacked her carry-on luggage which contained the necessities—and started toward the luxurious bathroom. Her other luggage, all eight bags of it—sat unopened in the big bedroom. She did not want to deal with it tonight.
Piggy ran a warm bath full of sudsy bubbles, peeled off her travel-rumpled suit and stockings and stepped gingerly into the scented warmth. She thought about lighting a swamp-scented candle, but she didn’t want to get out of the tub, and she didn’t want to unpack or look for one, so she let it go. It would probably just make her blue, anyway—thinking about Kermit, and the swamp, and that day at the lake…. Piggy took a deep breath and sank down until even her satiny ears were wet.
Ahh. This was better. She soaked decadently, until she felt vaguely porcine again, then scrubbed her skin till it glowed, washed and conditioned her hair, shaved and moisturized her legs and pumiced her little piggies that had not liked those cute shoes she had worn. When she could think of nothing else to do, she got out of the tub and let the water drain.
Piggy had brought actual pajamas since she was sleeping alone, and the soft flannel made a brushing sound as she walked across the room to the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed and toweled her hair, moisturized her face, took a deep breath—and called Kermit. She had already texted him her touchdown at the airport, her arrival at the hotel, but she had not spoken to him pig to frog. She had not felt able to, but now that she was here, facing the inevitable, she managed to dial.
“Hello?” The sound of his voice made her blink several times rapidly.
“Helloooo, dearest! It is Moi. My flight was wonderful and the hotel is perfection—especially the chocolates! Thank vous, Sweetie!”
She heard Kermit whisper. “It’s Piggy. She said thank you for the chocolates.”
For a moment—for a teeny, tiny moment, Piggy wondered why Kermit was whispering and who was there with him, then Kermit said clearly into the phone.
“Scooter says, ‘You’re welcome.’”
Piggy laughed her gay laugh. It almost sounded normal. “Silly frog,” she said. “I know they’re from vous.”
“They are,” Kermit admitted, and Piggy knew that if she had been there he would have presented his cheek to her for her kiss, smugly claiming his just due. “Did they deliver the balloons?”
“Oh, were those from you? I thought those were from Gonzo?” Piggy said dryly, and it was Kermit’s turn to feel a little thrill of jealousy.
“Nope,” he said. “Those were one-hundred-percent from the frog. And the flowers. I sent flowers.” She heard him whisper, “I sent flowers, didn’t I?” and Scooter’s voice said, “Yes, Boss. Tons of lilies, just like you said.”
“Oh, good,” said Kermit, and murmured something she couldn’t quite catch.
“What?” Piggy asked, looking at the phone.
“I was just saying, ‘Oh, good,’ to Scooter,” Kermit said. He sounded distracted, and Piggy was equally glad and miffed at his divided attention.
“Well, Moi is exhausted and it is a big day tomorrow. I will call you and let you know how it goes tomorrow at rehearsal!” She tried to sound excited and almost succeeded. Her voice cracked a little on “rehearsal” but she blinked her eyes rapidly and the feeling subsided.
“Yeah, do that, Honey. Call me and let me know how it went.” Piggy heard other whispering and was suddenly anxious to be off the phone.
“Moi will call you tomorrow. Good night, Mon chere,” she said. “Kissy, kissy.”
“Kissy, kissy right back atcha,” Kermit murmured, and she heard a snort in the background and Kermit saying, “Oh shut up!” The phone crackled as he gripped his own phone tighter.
“Love you, Mon Capitan,” Piggy said softly. She felt a tear slide slowly down her cheek, but wiped it hastily away.
“Love you, Piggy. Break a leg, okay?”
“Yes. Good-bye.”
“Good-bye, Piggy.”
She hit the “end” button and put the phone away. For a moment, Piggy looked around the room, making sure that everything for tomorrow was in readiness. She walked over to the butler stand to check that her rehearsal clothes, her clothes for traveling to and from, and the directions she had written down for the cabbie were neatly laid out. Lots to do tomorrow, lots to do. She walked back over and climbed into bed, slipping her flannel-covered legs beneath the satin covers. Piggy reached over and turned out the light, and stared up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly.
She thought about all the times that she had been away from Kermit, all the times that work had kept them apart. Piggy thought about the many times—befor­e­—when she had left in a huff, wanting desperately to outrun the way she felt about him since he so obviously hadn’t felt the same way about her.
She thought about the times when things had gone so spectacularly right, when they had been so in sync that she only had to look at him to smile and know what he was thinking, and what he wanted from her—either on-stage or off. After a moment, Piggy’s little demons whispered in her ear about all the times that things had gone so spectacularly wrong, and she had been convinced that Kermit would never really love her and claim the love that she had for him.
Piggy reached for her ring, BK, turning it around and around and around. Without the satin gloves, the ring spun easily, and she thought and thought about all the times she had wanted and waited and gone to bed alone. Her fingers found her other ring—her anniversary ring—in the dark, touching the cool, brilliant metal, wanting something solid and concrete to remind her that this was not like those other times, was not like all the times she had set out hoping to find her own life, a life where she was adored and wanted, a life without Kermit.
There had been that one mostly awful summer when she had taken a job doing summer theater, only to find—like so many others had found—that the venue was not exactly as promised. She had been one of a loose cadre of wandering performers at a Renaissance fair, and had done that—too proud and too broke to go home, to go back to Kermit, and admit she had been largely unwanted there, too—until she’d gotten a better offer from Marvo the Magician to be his eye-candy assistant. Piggy had done vaudeville acts before, and knew some of the tricks of the trade. She had not minded the skimpy little costume—had actually enjoyed that part of it, since it garnered her so many admiring looks—and she knew how to make Marvo look good while looking stunning herself.
With the money from the Ren fair and the side gigs with Marvo (who was easy to fend off since he was so dependent on her in his act), Piggy was finally making a living wage, and her letters to Kermit had become more upbeat. He had written her, the little fink. He had written just enough and no more, eager to string her along but not eager to wrap her up and take her home, but as the summer progressed, his letters had become a little more tender, a little more earnest. He had written that he was looking forward to seeing her, but not that he missed her. She had not said she’d missed him either, but it had been there between the lines. She told him of her rousing success as Juliet (a blatant lie), of the wildly enthusiastic audiences (children’s birthday parties) and the terrible angst she suffered as she decided whether or not to return to The Muppet Show—and to him—in light of the offers just pouring in. Kermit had written back that she must do what was best for her career, and that he would understand if the theater no longer offered her what she wanted.
Oh, how Piggy had stared and stared at that letter! How many times she had taken it out of its envelope to trace his neat, regular handwriting with her finger and wondered if—when he wrote it—he was trying to tell her not to come back, to move on because he had. Once after they were married, Kermit had found that letter while looking for her second-string pearls in her jewelry case. By that time, it was so worn and creased as to be almost unrecognizable as a letter—but Kermit had recognized it. He had come back into the bedroom where she was dressing for a party, the letter in his hand and an indecipherable expression on his face.
“Piggy…?” he had asked, and Piggy had blanched and gotten up, reaching for the letter.
“Oh, here,” she said, trying to sound businesslike. “Give me that old thing.”
But Kermit had held onto it, looking not at it but at her face.
“This is my letter,” he said. “From the summer you played Juliet.” They were both aware—now—that she had not played Juliet that summer, but she had said so many time, “The summer I played Juliette….” that they both referred to that summer that way.
“I didn’t play Juliette,” she said, hoping to distract him, but he was not distracted. He was frowning, staring at the letter in his hand. He reached out gingerly and traced her name on the envelope, and it was so much like the way that Piggy had touched, and touched, and touched again his signature that she gave a little involuntary cry.
“I didn’t know if I would see you again,” Kermit said, and his voice sounded funny, husky and low. “I…I almost couldn’t mail it. I wanted you to do what was best for your career, but I…I almost didn’t mail it.” He looked up at her, and his eyes were so sad with remembrance that Piggy closed the distance between them instantly and covered his hand with both of hers.
“Don’t,” she said. “I don’t want to think about it.”
“I thought you were trying to find an excuse to leave me, let me down easy,” he said. “If you had told me there was another man, I’d have come up there and bopped him on the nose, but…you didn’t.”
“There wasn’t. There wasn’t anyone else.”
Kermit continued like he hadn’t heard her. “But your career. I couldn’t compete with that. I know what it’s like to want that, to want to be in front of those lights…I couldn’t say, ‘Don’t. Stay with me and my crummy ol’ theater.’”
“Our theater isn’t crummy,” Piggy said, and because she could not reach him any other way, she kissed him.
After a moment, Kermit came alive in that kiss, and his arms surged around his wife. Piggy kissed him with all the warmth, all the passion, all the knowing that she possessed, and when they finally broke apart, gasping, he had come back to himself.
“I thought you were trying to tell me not to come,” she confessed, and put her burnished head down on his shoulder. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
Piggy,” Kermit said, and his voice held such a comical tinge of annoyance that Piggy began to giggle. Kermit huffed, indignant at her laughter without quite knowing why. When her giggling fit had passed, she looked up at him, her blue eyes shining. Like frogs, Piggy took her kissing very seriously, and she kissed his serious mouth gently but thoroughly. Finally, unable to withstand any longer, Kermit began to chuckle and kiss her back.
They never did make the party.
Piggy thought about that, and about all the times since, when they had so misunderstood each other, only to.... She thought about what Jimmy had said the other day, and indulged in a full two minutes of self-righteous misery for trying so hard to let Kermit win. She thought about the last two years, when things had gotten…sad, or flat, or…something. When Kermit had seemed lost to her at times, buried under a weight she couldn’t see and couldn’t lift. But he had come back to her—somehow or other he had found his way back to her and to her love and the love of his friends. It was like he had suddenly awoken, cheerful and recognizable and hers, only to have all of this happen. Piggy wondered what the tabloids would do now—now that she was on one coast and Kermit was on another. She wondered what they would say about her. She wondered what they would say about Kermit. She wondered what Kermit was doing now.
And despite what she would say—had said to Kermit—Piggy thought about Fleet and the time that they had shared before Kermit. She remembered all the hopes of those long afternoons, and how some of them had happened, and some of them had not. She had told Fleet she was changed, was a different sow now—after Kermit—and she fervently hoped that it was so.
Piggy lay in the big luxurious bed and tried to remind herself that this was not like those other times at all, and that Kermit loved her, and missed her and would be counting the days until he could see her again. She tried, but she did not succeed. The old fears and insecurities swamped her, washing over her reason and resolve like a tidal wave. Piggy felt alone and lonely and wondered what Kermit was doing that very moment—that very instant.
Working, she supposed. Working on the movie with Scooter. Filling up his hours with work and…whatever it was he did when he was not with her. Piggy choked back a sob, then threw the covers back and got out of bed again. She turned on all the lights, then went over to the closet and peered inside. Sure enough, a state-of-the-art steam iron was there, along with a full-size ironing board. Glad for something physical to do, Piggy wrestled them both out of the closet and set them up.
Piggy had not ironed for herself in…well, she could not exactly remember, but she did remember how to iron, and she stood and sniffled and pressed her outfit for tomorrow with a vengeance, as though the very thought of wrinkles offended her. When that was done, she unplugged the iron and put it on the big marble sink in the bathroom, then pig-handled the ironing board back into the closet.
If Kermit could see me now…
But, of course, he couldn’t. He was a million miles away in California, and she was here, where she would be until he could come to her. Crying wasn’t going to change that, and it wasn’t helping. She wiped angrily at the tears, turned out the lights, and got back into bed. She wondered what Kermit was doing right that minute, right that second. Piggy reached for her phone and typed in Kermit’s number.
“Love you, Mon Capitan,” she wrote, and filled the little screen with hearts. She hoped he’d get it when he woke up and know that, here in New York, in the middle of the night, she was thinking of him. Piggy pressed, “Send.”
After a moment, when she was certain she had not forgotten anything—anything at all—and that there was nothing left to do, Piggy turned on her side, pressed her face to the pillow, and cried herself to sleep.
 

The Count

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*Ooooooo. Though this chap did go on a bit of an emotional jag, it does a nice job of portraying some of that hidden backstory between the pig and the frog. There are some well-written Muppet Movie references if you know where to look. Looking forward to the play, as that's the thing, ring-a-ding-ding... Wherein we'll catch the conscience of the king, ring-a-ding-ding.
 

Misskermie

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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Piggy was so upset to be separated from him! That's incredibly sad!:cry: I ALMOST CRIED RU!
 

newsmanfan

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Dangit woman, slow down! I only just read the LAST chapter...

Notes for ch. 98:
LOVE the whole plane scene. Having a little old lady kick the obnoxious lech's butt was funny even though it turns out she's not so little or so old! And watchign Piggy handle it all with such aplomb gave me some insight on her character; she really is stronger than the diva act would have us believe.

Loved the line about Scooter's electonics no longer cogitating! What a great turn of phrase.

And I wonder what Marty has up his sleeve next to keep those pesky pressbugs in line? :news: Not that I would EVER be pesky.

Let me read the new part....
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Muppetfan44

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Wow- so much great stuff in this chapter!

Poor Piggy- crying yourself to sleep is horrible, it's a terrible feeling when you truly feel alone.

Loved how Kermit made sure there were balloons, chocolates and flowers in her room- love the story about her favorite flower-so cute and ush-gushy, just how I like it!

The phone call was adorable and the whole story about the letter was very touching- it's unbelievable how many different ways people can interpret the written word and how that can impact a relationship.

Adorable as always, and as always, anxiously awaiting to read more. Thanks Ru!!
 

newsmanfan

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As usual, lady, you outclass everyone in your realistic portrayal of a very real-feeling relationship! Fantastic work!

Especially love: K and P kissing their way out of a painful reminiscence. Eight bags of luggage. (What? No hatboxes?) Feeling "vaguely porcine again" :smile: Ironing one's way out of grief -- though I personally never iron anything!

She's a different sow now? WHAT was she like with Fleet? What was Fleet like with her? Oddly tasty possibilities there! Can't wait to see the flashbacks.

WONDERFUL entry. GREAT internal dialogue, and inside a pig's head, yet! Er...or would that be in a pig's ear? :mad:

:news: Whoops! Er...that wasn't me! H-honest! *heads for hills, leaving plaid-colored dust clouds in his wake*
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Ruahnna

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Chapter 100: And Isn’t It Ironic?

Sara had slept with one eye open—well, half-opened—all night, so when she heard someone fumbling at the front door lock at approximately four a.m. she got out of bed. Almost there, she heard the keys drop, a muffled oath, a thump, and another oath. She reached to pull the door open and Scooter practically fell through the door, rubbing his forehead.
“What happened, Sweetheart?” Sara asked. She could see a red mark over Scooter’s left eye.
“I dropped my keys—twice, and then hit my head on the doorknob when I reached down to get them.” He rubbed absently at the spot until Sara stretched up and kissed the spot.
“There. Better?”
“Some. I am officially the walking dead,” he groaned, stumbling over the threshold. Sara reached out and caught him around the waist, holding him in a relatively straight line as he scuffled over the rug. The resultant friction with the acrylic carpet made their lips spark when she kissed him and they both pulled back, startled.
“Oh!” said Sara.
“Ow,” said Scooter, too tired to muster up an exclamation point. “That was…different.” He rubbed his lips and gave her a half-smile/half-scowl, and Sara smiled and reached out to tuck a few unruly strands of hair behind his ears.
“That was,” she said, smiling. He looked exhausted, but happy, or at least satisfied. “Did you get a lot done?”
“Oh my goodness,” Scooter exclaimed, hands on his sunken cheeks. “That frog is a working machine when he gets going. And he’s been, well, sort of useless these past few days.” Scooter stopped and frowned. “That’s not fair. He’s not been useless, just…distracted.” He nodded, better satisfied with that explanation.
“And sad,” said Sara, smiling gently at Scooter.
“Yeah. That, too.”
“So—are you home? I know you didn’t work all night just to take the day off.”
“Too right,” he said with a grimace. “I’ve got to catch a couple of hours of sleep and a shower, and then he’s going to pick me up on the way back to the studio.” Scooter yawned so widely that his jaws hurts, and stretched to ease the stiffness of his spine and shoulders. “I’m wiped.”
“Poor baby,” said Sara, and hugged him. “Anything I can do to help?”
Scooter yawned again and started down the hall. “I’m going to take a shower,” he said. “I don’t guess there’s anything to do unless you want to come with…?”
Sara’s answer was tart. “No thank you, sweetie,” she said crisply.
Scooter made a rude noise. “Yeah,” he muttered, his eyes twinkling. “Like you have something better to do at four-fifteen in the morning.”
Sara laughed. “I’ll make coffee,” she said.
She went into their little kitchen and made a pot of coffee, watching it drip into the pot. She heard the shower start and smiled. Cheeky guy, that Scooter. But the longer she thought about it, the more she…um, thought about it. She left the coffee to brew unwatched and started down the hall.

Kermit trudged in through the back door and didn’t even turn a light on in the kitchen. He put the remains of a near-demolished pizza in the fridge, thinking that Roberto would skin him and sauté him alive for ordering a greasy pizza after all-but-ignoring the impressive fare that had been placed before him earlier that evening. He mounted the stairs, feeling the fatigue in his legs, and wandered into the bedroom absently. It was good to be tired. Good to be exhausted. Good to not look at the big bed and see nothing but covers. He started for the bed but remembered—tweaked a little—that Scooter had reminded him several times to charge up his cell phone. It had beeped, burped and died shortly after his conversation with Piggy at her hotel, and he hoped nobody had been looking for him. But of course, anybody looking for him would call Scooter when he didn’t answer his cell phone, and no one had. He pried the little tab from the end of the phone and slipped the phone onto the cord. It immediately came to life, pinged a few times, and then displayed the message saying he had a new text message. He thumbed it.
“Love you, Mon Capitan,” flashed back at him and he saw that Piggy had filled up the little screen with those little hearts made of symbols. He had never gotten the hang of that—heck, he was still trying to remember how to retrieve saved voice mails and read his inbox. But suddenly, although the house seemed hollow, and he felt hollow inside, the room was filled with the warmth and light of Piggy’s affection, of her love for him. He looked at the time—saw the lateness of the message—and worried that Piggy had been up fluttering over her unpacking too late. He hoped she had gotten enough sleep.
The thought of sleep was almost painful. Kermit trudged toward the bed, the phone in his hand, and only stopped when the cord pulled him up short. He frowned. After a moment, Kermit unplugged the phone cord from its usual plug near the door and brought it right up to the edge of the bed. He had not liked being disturbed with the phone so close to the bed before, but now he guessed it didn’t really matter. And Piggy might call. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her note.
“Love you, Mon Capitan.”
He hit reply, and typed. “Love you, too, Piggy.” He started to put the phone down, then remembered to hit “Send.” He watched the phone number the “Message Sent” screen flashed, then put the phone on the nightstand and climbed into bed. Kermit was snoring almost before his head hit the pillow. It had been a long day, a hard day, and although it was over, tomorrow was already here.

She would be here today, and he was going to see her again. Once he figured out what her schedule would be like, he’d be seeing a lot of her and—with any luck, she’d soon be seeing him. Not like now, when he had to skulk and sneak. Later, when she’d gotten over her pique, he was sure she’d see him. He thought about squiring her to lunch, catching up on the latest gossip, watching the heads turn as people saw them together…. Scribbler shook himself back to the moment—no sense getting cocky. He needed to bide his time. He needed to wait until the frog disappointed her again—I mean, how long could it be? Before they’d gotten married, he’d had a track record of letting her down. Things had changed after, he grudgingly admitted, but that was probably because of Piggy’s civilizing effect on the frog. Scribbler let out a huff of indignation and wedged himself back into the narrow alcove where he waited for candid shots of her walking in the door. Waited and wished and remembered.

Morning was better because it had to be. Piggy got up and made coffee with the hotel coffee-maker, curled her hair, ordered room service and pondered gloomily the havoc her late-night tears had wrought. But she knew what to do, and she set about repairing the worst of the damage with a black tea compress over her eyes. Piggy was grateful that her ancestors rarely had to worry about wrinkles, and glad that she took such meticulous care of her skin. With a little concealer and a slightly exaggerated lower-lid eye liner, she was soon a pretty convincing copy of her blue-eyed, bright-eyed self. She decided to change into her rehearsal clothes after she arrived, although she did not want to meet her cast-mates the first time in the changing room. But she wanted to meet her new boss first in her smart street outfit before displaying her talent on the stage. Despite her restless night, fatigue had finally won out and she had slept so deeply that her muscles, at least, were relaxed. She wriggled into the plum-colored pin-striped suit dress, pulling it down over her fishnet hose and stepped into her high-heeled matching pumps. She worked on her hair just a little, trying to ensure a tousled, care-free look and dusted her cheeks again with loose powder. The last thing she did was pick up her phone. Although Piggy was very plugged in to the latest technology, she wasn’t addicted to it. She clicked the button to acknowledge that her phone had finished charging and saw that there was a message from Kermit. Eagerly, she pressed the little icon and, “Love you, too, Piggy,” bloomed on the screen. Last night melted away. He loved her. He missed her. He had sent her a message at four-thirty in the morning. Immediately, Piggy’s blue eyes narrowed. Kermit should not be staying up so late. He was working hard and needed his sleep. She started to text a stern reply, then thought better of it. Later today, she would call, would tell him all about her new cast-mates and the theater. Piggy closed the phone and gulped at the time. She grabbed her purse and her duffle and walked briskly out the door toward the elevator.

Lounging nonchalantly around the lobby of a four-star hotel is hardly a hardship, but looking like you belonged there was a serious inconvenience when you really had no business—no business at all—being there. Well, personal business, and that ought to count for something.
The morning papers had had not much of interest. There were a couple of photos of women kissing Kermit on the cheek—one was his assistant’s fiancée and the other was a cute little pig that looked familiar somehow. Both pictures tried to imply that Kermit was out on the town living a debauched life as soon as Piggy was out of town, but even the reporter who wrote the story couldn’t find it believable. It was an unworthy effort, he thought, since there were so many transgressions Kermit had committed.
Seymour Strathers had—somehow—missed her arrival at the hotel last night. He could not have known that Thomas and Susique had brought her in the back way through more secure channels, but it would hardly have given him pause if he had. He was a man on a mission—an interception mission, and an interference mission if it was possible. He sat up straight, worried that the cut of his suit might not show to advantage if he slumped, and snapped his sagging newspaper back to attention. It made a loud crack of sound.
“I’m hit!" muttered one of two old men sitting near him in the lobby. He had dark hair—artificially dark hair for such an old man, and a long, saggy face.
“That wasn’t a gun, you old fool,” muttered his companion, a white-mustachioed man with a hearing aid. “That was a car back-firing.”
“Well, why was he back-firing it at me?” complained the first man, obviously misunderstanding his companion’s explanation.
“I’d like to back-hand you,” muttered the companion.
So wrapped up in their conversational bickering was Seymour that he did not see Piggy as she strode from the elevator until she was almost through the revolving glass door. He scrambled to his feet, but it was too late. She was on the street less than four seconds before her shrill whistle brought a cab almost onto the sidewalk with her.
“Why, thank vous,” Piggy said sweetly, then handed him the address of where she was going. “And a tip for vous if you step on it.”
Seymour could only watch mutely as the cab carrying her disappeared into traffic, then gnash his teeth in frustration. It’d taken him forever to find the right hotel, and he’d been camping out in the lobby for the better part of 36 hours, but in the end his carefully orchestrated plan had been undone by two argumentative old men. It wasn’t fair.
It was ironic.
 
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