I had a little trouble with this one, so I switched up the plot for this one. I feel that Statler and Waldorf work better just sitting around and talking than going out and doing things, so here they are in their element.
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"Morning, Waldorf."
"Morning, Statler."
"So…do anything interesting lately?"
"I bought some new slippers yesterday."
"Why? Did your old pair surrender?"
"No, I wore a hole in the bottom of the right slipper."
"I see."
"So I went to Fleischmann's Footwear-"
"Fleischmann's? Is Frank still there?"
"No, Frank retired."
"Mmm. What about Ernest?"
"No, Ernest's gone."
"Went up to that shoe tree in the sky?"
"No, you fool. He went to work at Target."
"Oh good! He owes me ten bucks."
"Well then! So I went into the store and was looking at the slippers. Now you know I need size nine wide- regular size nine won't do."
"You're certainly an irregular person."
"Thanks, you old fool! As I was saying, I was browsing the slippers and noticed they didn't have any in my size, so I approached one of the clerks."
"Frank?"
"No, her name was Aliza."
"Ah. She related to Frank?"
"I think so, they had similar ears."
"Yeah, she got her father's ears."
"How can you tell?"
"Well, her dad's a rabbit, and she's a rabbit, so...."
"She does not have her father's ears! His are floppier."
"No! Her mother's are floppier."
"Don't ears skip a generation? Maybe it's her grandparents."
"I don't know what you're talking about anymore."
"What else is new?"
"Get on with your story."
"Anyway. I asked her her if she had any size nine wide slippers, and she seemed confused, and said she'd check in the back."
"The back, yep, the back."
"So I stood there and waited and waited and waited and waited."
"Well?"
"She never came back!"
"What?"
"I stood there for fifteen minutes and she never came back."
"I guess the back was farther away than you thought."
"No, you fool! She went on her lunch break. She just left for lunch and didn't tell anyone to wait on me."
"The nerve! What did you do?"
"I left, and I went to Target and got a pair of slippers from Ernest."
"Did you get my ten dollars?"
"No, you fool. I didn't realize he owed you ten dollars. Collect your own debts."
"So how are the slippers?"
"Great. Really comfortable."
"That's good."
"Anything happen to you?"
"No, not really. There was a Matlock marathon yesterday, so I watched a few episodes."
"Oooh! He really knew how to crack those cases."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"What are we doing?"
"Talking. Breathing. I saw you pick your nose earlier."
"No, I mean why are we at the theater? No one else is here except the two of us. Everyone else is off doing something else. There's no show for another two months."
"Well, this is the only time that stage's is being put to good use!"
"Oh!"
"Oh!"
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Coming up "next": Beaker and Bunsen take the best of Muppet Labs to another esteemed scientific society.