The script is ready
OK, here is a script, and I hope you will think it's excellent. It might be the same thing on "Audience Lunch", though.
(The scene is the lobby of Atlantic Plaza hotel. Pierre works there. Guy Smiley enters the hotel.)
PIERRE: (clears throat) Good evening, Mr. Guy Smiley! Welcome to the "Atlantic Plaza", hotel of the famous stars of television and radio. We have over 500 deluxe rooms, a giant indoor water park, a giant spa, and a big entertainment center that has a movie cinema, an arcade, and a big live stage theater.
GUY SMILEY: Thank you, Pierre. I hope you have a lot of these rooms for us, because today I, Guy Smiley, America's most-beloved and favorite game-show host, am taking my entire studio audience out for my vacation!!!
(Game-show music starts playing. Minor characters from "Sesame Street", "The Muppet Show", "Fraggle Rock", "Muppets Tonight", "Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas", "Dog City", "The Jim Henson Hour", "Litte Muppet Monsters", "Puppetman", "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs", "The Wubbulous World Of Dr. Suess", "Song Of the Cloud Forest", "The Christmas Toy", "Jim Henson's Animal Show", "The Ghost Of Faffner Hall" and a giant Man-Eating Chicken from "John Denver & the Muppets: A Rocky Mountain Holiday" (as audience members) burst in with excitement)
PIERRE: Very good. Very good. (as game-show music starts fading away) Unfortunately, I must know how many members are in your entire studio audience.
GUY SMILEY: But why, Pierre? Why?
PIERRE: Because we may not have enough rooms for them and so many guests have their own rooms....(Guy and the audience members become disappointed in a few seconds) but I think do.
(Guy and the audience members become very happy with excitement)
GUY SMILEY: Oh good! That's wonderful, Pierre! (To all audience members) All right, studio audience members, step right up and be counted!
(game-show clock music from "To Tell A Face" and "Say the Word" starts playing. The audience members walk into a line as Pierre counts them.)
PIERRE: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15...
GUY SMILEY: (to 16th audience member) Move on now! Move on!
PIERRE: 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28...
GUY SMILEY: (to 29th audience member) Go on! Move!
PIERRE: 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39...
GUY SMILEY: (to 40th audience member) Step up right now! Keep moving.
PIERRE: 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50...
GUY SMILEY: (to 51st audience member) Step along, buddy!
PIERRE: 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64...
GUY SMILEY: (to 65th audience member) Come on now. Don't be shy. Move on!
PIERRE: 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78...
GUY SMILEY: (to 79th audience member) Follow up, pal! Follow up!
PIERRE: 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92...
GUY SMILEY: (to 93rd audience member) Keep going, keep going.
PIERRE: 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105...
GUY SMILEY: (to 106th audience member) Keep up the counting!
PIERRE: 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116...
GUY SMILEY: (to 117th audience member) Move on now. Move on!
PIERRE: 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127...
GUY SMILEY: (to 128th audience member) Step up as you please.
PIERRE: 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138...
GUY SMILEY: (to 139th audience member) Move along! Move along!
PIERRE: 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149...
GUY SMILEY: (to 150th audience member) Keep moving! Keep moving!
PIERRE: 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161...
GUY SMILEY: (to 162nd audience member) Walk up straight!
PIERRE: 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172...
GUY SMILEY: (to 173rd audience member) Get along now. Get along.
PIERRE: 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183...
GUY SMILEY: (as 184th audience member follows up) This crowd is almost the end!
PIERRE: 184, 185, 186, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198,....(as game-show clock music ends) 199.
GUY SMILEY: There are 199 members of my entire studio audience!!! (Crowd off-screen cheers) (angrily staring at Pierre) Well, Pierre?
PIERRE: Well,...YOU'RE IN LUCK! WE HAVE THE SPECIAL: VACATION FOR 199!!!!!
GUY SMILEY: (as game-show music plays again) Wonderful, Pierre!!! That's great news!!!
PIERRE: YES! WE HAVE 99 VACANT ROOMS FOR YOUR AUDIENCE MEMBERS! (To all audience members) OK, you guys, find yourself rooms! They're on the 4th, 6th, 11th, 12th, and 29th floors!
GUY SMILEY: Thank you so much for where they have to stay in, Pierre! Hey! Don't you know what you forgot to count?
PIERRE: No, Mr. Smiley. What did I forget to count?
GUY SMILEY: You forgot to count me!
PIERRE: Oh! You are right, Mr. Smiley! you and all of your audience members make 200!
GUY SMILEY: Wonderful! That's great! (as game-show music starts fading away again) Now, I'm gonna relax and have a nice and fun vacation....
PIERRE: Oh no you don't! You may not go in there!
GUY SMILEY: Why not?
PIERRE: There aren't any vacant rooms right now, and we have the special Vacation for 199 but we do NOT have Vacation for 200!
GUY SMILEY: *sigh* No, you don't understand! That's my studio audience vacation and I want to have fun!
(Chester McGrath (purple AM) enters)
CHESTER McGRATH: Mmm-hmm. Chester McGraph here for a three-day vacation.
PIERRE: Yes, and welcome to Atlantic Plaza! The guests from Room 283 will be out in a moment. (To Guy) It's OK, I will find you a vacant room for you to sleep in. Just wait patiently.
GUY SMILEY: But, but...(as game-show music plays again) (to Chester McGraph) Oh! Chester McGraph, would you like to have a vacation with Guy Smiley, America's most beloved game-show host? Huh? (Chester ignores him.)
(Mr. Johnson (Fat Blue) enters)
GUY SMILEY: Hey! Mr. Johnson! Are you a friend of mine?
MR. JOHNSON: No! (walks away)
(The Ferrand family enters)
GUY SMILEY: Mr. & Mrs. Ferrand, would you like to have a vacation with Guy Smiley, America's favorite game show host? (they start ignoring him. Ms. Bernard enters.) Ms. Bernard! Would you like to have a vacation with me?
MS. BERNARD: No! (goes to the waiting room)
GUY SMILEY: I don't understand this! Oh! (to bellhop) Bellhop! Bellhop! I need a vacant room immediately!! (pause) I guess...I guess...I sleep by the plants, perhaps...
The minor characters on this fan-fic are the ones TotallySpiesFan listed