Muppets from Earth
Part 12: Antici...pation
*****
When Kermit, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Sam, Gonzo, and Camilla returned to the boarding house, they found a celebration well under way. Rowlf, the first to see them, greeted them with, "Welcome home, fellow humans!" Everybody laughed.
Clifford slapped Gonzo on the shoulder as he remarked, "Man, it used to be we didn't know what you are. Now it turns out you're both human
and alien!" Chickens and penguins were clucking and quacking excitedly with Camilla.
Scooter explained to Kermit, "It was in the news that we've been declared legally human, but you probably guessed that by now. Everyone just went nuts!" He grinned.
Kermit grinned back. The six of them had been present for the presentation of the court's ruling, which was that any living being that demonstrated sufficient sapience and language ability to hold an intelligible conversation, with or without an interpreter, was considered subject to all laws and entitled to all benefits of US citizenship, and that male beings would be referred to as men and female beings would be referred to as women. In other words, because Camilla had proven in her depositions that she was sapient, she was, for legal purposes, considered a woman. Of that fact Gonzo had never been in any doubt.
"So, like, where've you been? We heard about it hours ago," Janice asked.
Gonzo was ready for that question. He said, "We ran an errand on the way back," and held up a sheet of paper.
"Oh, wow!" Janice said, reading the words "Marriage license."
"So when's the wedding gonna be?" Rizzo asked.
"Give us a minute," Gonzo said. "We'll be right back, okay?"
Camilla and Gonzo went upstairs. Gonzo put the license in his room, then went to the balcony. Stephanie had been egg-sitting in Camilla's absence.
Stephanie clucked to Camilla,
Everyone still wants to see the egg. We shooed them away.
Good, Camilla replied.
That had been a problem ever since Gonzo and Camilla had revealed that they were expecting. No hen wanted to be pestered in her coop. Gonzo said, "Maybe we should just let 'em see?"
Both hens gave him a look. He said, "I have an idea..."
*
Downstairs, Kermit had almost finished apprising the other Muppets of the events. "There really isn't much else to say," he told them. "It took hours, but things don't happen fast in a courthouse. In fact, I'm surprised this didn't drag on much longer." Kermit had been pleased to learn that Porque & Beanes were working for a percentage of the settlement rather than a straight fee—not to mention, Kermit believed, the opportunity to work on a case that might actually be reported outside of the county—so the costs would be covered.
Gonzo came down the stairs carrying a box full of straw, Camilla's nest box. He brought it into the living room. Several Muppets vacated the couch to make room. Gonzo put it down and Camilla fluttered up to take her place. She sat just behind the egg, her feathers just brushing it, so the other Muppets could see. Gonzo explained, "Handling eggs is bad for 'em, so... anyway, here's our baby-to-be."
Awed, Fozzie said, "Wow, look at that!"
Bean Bunny exclaimed, "Golly, it's so cute!" in aggressively adorable enthusiasm.
Camilla could not help being pleased as the others paid their respects to her egg. Even Miss Piggy came over to look, although she tried to be casual about it. After a pause she remarked, a little too lightly, "I would have thought it would be bigger."
Camilla clucked, and Gonzo translated, "It
is bigger. You wouldn't want to be the hen who laid
that egg!"
"I guess not," Piggy replied uncomfortably.
Rizzo said to Gonzo, "So, when's the wedding day?"
"As soon as we can make it," Gonzo replied. "We'd hoped to be married by the time the egg hatches, but that's not gonna happen now. We thought the case would take a lot longer, so we haven't even started making arrangements."
"What kind of arrangements?" Kermit asked.
"You know, booking a church, sending out invitations, all that stuff. We only have to wait a few days between getting the license and using it, but there's no way we can do it that fast. The other alternative is to have a little civil ceremony, which would be quick, but we couldn't have everybody there, just a few witnesses." he said regretfully.
"Well..."
Gonzo looked up, wondering at Kermit's too-casual tone of voice.
"Weddings don't have to be in churches, you know. Some people choose other venues."
Wondering what his friend had in mind, Gonzo said, "Like what?"
"I just happen know of a place that just happens to be available this week, and is big enough for everyone. Plenty of seating."
"The
theater?" Gonzo asked.
"The waiting period on that license is up on Thursday, and the first show is on Friday. We could hold a wedding there the day before the show." In a serious tone Kermit added, "If you want to. I'm not trying to butt in."
Gonzo glanced at Camilla, who nodded vigorously, then exclaimed, "Kermit, that's a
great idea! That theater's been the best part of our lives. I can't think of any place I'd rather have it."
"You'll need a band," said Dr. Teeth.
"If we can stand playing that cubical Muppet Show theme, I guess we can put up with a wedding march," said Floyd.
"Oh, for sure," Janice added.
"That'd be great, guys!" Gonzo said.
Scooter said, "I bet there are enough formal outfits in Wardrobe to outfit the wedding party."
Miss Piggy was standing back from the main crowd. She was jealous of Gonzo and Camilla's happiness, and she knew that was petty, but knowing that didn't make her feelings go away.
Because she was closest to the front door, she heard the buzzer go off. She peered through the eyepiece, hoping it was either someone she could ignore or a pizza delivery. When she saw who it was she paused, startled, then sang out, "Be with you in a moment, dear!" Nobody paid attention as she sauntered away from the door, a smile lighting her face.
They did notice when Piggy returned, bringing Animal on his leash. She opened the door partway and said, "You wanted another exclusive interview,
moi presumes?" Without waiting for an answer she opened the door the rest of the way, revealing Animal, and snarled, "Here you go.
Sic 'em!"
"BAD MAN!"
Those near the window saw Fleet Scribbler tearing away from the house with Animal in hot pursuit. When Animal roared, triggering a burst of speed from Fleet, Kermit realized what had happened. He looked at Miss Piggy in disbelief. "Oh, I am
so sorry! The chain just slipped out of my hands," she said, almost succeeding at stifling a grin. She had seen the "beauty secrets" article.
Floyd, looking out the front window along with half the other Muppets in the room, said, "Look at 'em go. It'll take an hour to chase Animal down." He made no move to start.
Rowlf said, "At least."
"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy," Gonzo said as he watched the muckraker disappear over the horizon.
*****
Coming up next, something completely different: a chapter in which something
interesting happens!
*****
All characters are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC and are used without permission but with much respect and affection. This story is copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com). Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.
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