FanFic: A Little Knight Music

[ReneeLouvier]

Love the story, Muppet Newsgirl.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Thanks, Renee...and Leyla and super muppet and muppetwriter.

The last scene of act five will be a little delayed, because I've got some assignments that I need to take care of first.
In act six, we're going to see 'A Little Knight Music' open at the Muppet Theater. That's going to tie everything up nice and neat.

Later!

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

"A little delayed?" she asked in an oh-so-incredulous tone.

Sorry, guys, but I was away from my computer all weekend, and I wasn't able to save my work to a disk for some reason.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Five, Scene Five

"What took you so long?" Scooter asked, smiling. "The author's had us up here for a scene and a half already."

"Everything went to heck in a handbasket inside, so it took us a little while to figure out where you'd gone," Skeeter explained. "Plus, it was dark, and someone locked one of the doors, and…"

Fozzie looked over at Mr. Knotworth. "So you must be the Killer Fish. You don't look much like a fish to me."

"Yeah, he does," Miss Piggy snarled. "A big, bloodthirsty shark."

Sam stuck his beak up into the air in a sanctimonious manner. "I say we call the police and get him and his minions off of our roof. The law is the law."

"What? And let Scooter and Nora have all the fun?" Kermit asked severely as he drew his sword. "You're forgetting the cardinal rule of conflicts, staged or otherwise, at the Muppet Theater."

"I never heard of any cardinal rule…" Scooter frowned.

"It says that any armed fight involving at least one of the cast members should quickly turn into a free-for-all involving the entire cast, whether it's a pie fight or a sword fight."

Nora shrugged. "Fair enough."

Gonzo took out his sword and yelled, "Let's rumble!"

While another, slightly more balanced swordfight between the Muppet Theater crew and Mr. Knotworth's gang clanged into action, Hereford, Closter, Burbank and Tulsa watched from their perch atop the theater's rooftop crane.

The four almost resembled a flock of vultures.

"They love a good fight, don't they?" Burbank remarked pleasantly.

"Why not? Now that the real danger's over we can actually enjoy this," Hereford agreed.

"But I'm starting to think that we're seeing a little more swordplay than is necessary for this story," Tulsa said quietly, stroking his beard.

"Oh, let them have their fun, it's been a hard week. Burbank, check in with the boss, won't you?" Closter asked.

Burbank lifted his walkie-talkie. "Burbank to Leland. The cast has the Fish surrounded, and they're starting another fight."

"So I gathered."

"Leland, where are you? It sounds really noisy back there."

"I had to pick someone up at the train station. What about the Muppets?"

"I don't think they're in any real danger. The odds are stacked against the Fish now."

"Commence Operation Clambake. Over and out."

"Right." Burbank turned to Closter. "Operation Clambake."

Closter took out a rope that had been made into a lasso.

-----

Down below, three police cars roared up to the curb, someone having finally convinced the police that the crisis at the Muppet Theater was in fact genuine.

Another car, J.P. Grosse's, zoomed up and came to a stop. Sadie threw the door open and jumped out. "Scooter!" she yelled in a panicked voice. "Skeeter!"

J.P. and Nancy emerged after her. "Where is he? Who's the Killer Fish? He can't destroy this place; I still haven't collected rent from the frog!"

"Jerry, your niece and nephew could be in danger. Now is not the time to fret over rent payments," Nancy said.

"Yes, dear."

A fifth car came up, and Caitlin, Stuart, Heather and Mrs. Jane Galway, their grandmother, hurried out and clustered in a frightened knot near the edge of the curb.

By the time Leland's black van pulled up and parked across the street, Mrs. Farley had arrived and was trying to break through the line of police.

"Please, ma'am, stay back. It's dangerous," one of the officers protested.

"I can't…if she dies I as good as killed her!" Mrs. Farley wailed.

Leland drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and glanced at the young woman sitting in the passenger seat. She wore a black turtleneck, blue jeans, black sneakers, a dark blue pea coat and a gray tweed newsboy's cap that she had pulled down over her eyes.

She and Leland nodded to one another and jumped out of the van.

"Excuse us, coming through," Leland said as he and the woman muscled their way through the police line and went inside the theater.

----

Up on the roof, the renewed swordfight continued to clang on.

Scooter jumped back from Mr. Knotworth, gasped for breath and rubbed sweat and rain water out of his eyes.

He was ready for the fight to be over.

He noticed something out of the corner of his eye. There were four figures clustered up on the theater's rooftop crane, which extended above the roof. One of them threw down one end of a rope, which had been made into a lasso, and secured the other end to the crane. The others started motioning in their direction, as if to say, "Send him this way!"

"Mr. Knotworth, I think you're forgetting something about traditional plays." Scooter said casually.

"And what would that be, little gofer boy?"

Scooter swung his sword one more time, driving Mr. Knotworth backward.

"Unless it's a tragedy…"

"Which this isn't," Floyd chimed in.

Suddenly, Mr. Knotworth found himself being jerked up into the air, a rope bound around his ankles.

"The good guys usually win," Scooter finished.

"Reel him in, boys," Leland called as he and the mysterious woman appeared on the roof.

"You…who are you?" Mr. Knotworth spluttered up at the group on the crane. "Cut me down this instant!"

"Your face, Mr. Knotworth." Closter jumped down from the crane and removed his fedora, revealing a head of curly, prematurely grayed hair.

Nora's eyes widened. "R…Richard Hunt?"

"You…you're the one who profanes my sister's shop with all those revolting jokes." Mr. Knotworth spat.

Richard rolled his eyes. "I don't think that's half as revolting as your going around and terrorizing all the theater people in the city. Not to mention trying to hack my favorite godson and his friends to pieces."

Nora's eyes widened as Leland and the woman came up. "But…you…what have you guys been doing all this time?"

Leland cleared his throat as the others jumped down from the crane and came over. "I don't think we've been properly introduced. I am Jim Henson, code name Leland. Let me introduce Frank Oz, code name Hereford, Dave Goelz, code name Burbank, Jerry Nelson, code name Tulsa…and you already know Richard Hunt, code name Closter."

"And who's that?" Kermit asked, gesturing to the mysterious woman.

"She's a reporter from the Daily Inspector. She's been working with us to capture the Fish."

"I'll let you in on my name later, Kermit," the woman, a.k.a. the reporter, said quietly.

The police came running up to the roof and quickly set about putting Mr. Knotworth and his henchmen into handcuffs.

One by one, the henchmen unmasked themselves. One of them, the most aggressive of them, was actually a woman: Mr. Knotworth's wife, Candy. She scowled angrily at the police.

"There was no such thing as feminism at King Arthur's court!" Mr. Knotworth shouted as the police dragged him, Candy and their accomplices away. "There was no one named Deirdre in Arthurian legend! Elaine was not a chicken, and the Lady of the Lake wasn't a warrior! And what do you mean by modeling your swordfights after James Bond and Pulp Fiction? It's heresy! It's…ooof…"

Mr. Knotworth slumped forward, dazed, just as Miss Piggy withdrew her fist, much to the amazement of the police.

-----

Back in the theater, Hilda went off to the costume room, holding an armload of drenched, ripped costumes. Once again she was muttering about "reckless, irresponsible layabouts" as she plunked the costumes on her ironing board and began to sort through them.

She frowned at the severed sleeve on Scooter's tunic. "How much trouble can that boy get into?" she asked herself. She gaped at the rips in Nora and Skeeter's dresses, sputtered in consternation at the tears in Clifford's magician's robe and nearly fainted dead away at some lipstick stains on the collar of Kermit's tunic.

She finally fainted when she found the chocolate stains on Miss Piggy's dress.

Most of the cast sat around backstage, shooting the breeze. All right, considering the night's events they weren't shooting the breeze so much as laying siege to it with a cannon.

"Like, wow, that Killer Fish dude's a total square," Janice said as she flipped through an old copy of Melody Maker.

"Totally. I mean, the man's a real square peg," Floyd agreed as he tuned up his bass.

Rowlf sat down at the rehearsal piano and started to play 'Show Me the Way to Go Home.' Fozzie and Frank Oz were busy swapping jokes and riddles.

"So then, the plumber, the fireman and the lawyer walk into the bar…" Frank began.

"Yeah, yeah, and then they see that the bartender's been replaced by a squid…" Fozzie went on.

In one of the dressing rooms (some of the warmer rooms in the building), Scooter and Nora, having changed back into street clothes, sat with heavy flannel blankets wrapped around them. Because the two of them had been out on the roof and in the cold pouring rain in lightweight clothes for almost forty-five minutes, Sadie had started fretting about hypothermia.

Gladys had brought up two mugs of steaming hot tea from the makeshift canteen in the basement.

"Nora, I'm really sorry about this," Scooter said as he slurped up some tea.

"What's to apologize for?" Nora cupped her mug in her hands. "It was all Mr. Knotworth's doing." She frowned. "He lied to me. He told me that he'd been in the dramatics society all this time when he'd been kicked out four years ago."

Scooter nodded, opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it.

There were all sorts of things Scooter wanted to say to Nora at the moment. They had been through a lot in the last few hours…and the last few months, too.

"You…you're pretty good with a sword, Nora."

"Yeah…my mom taught stage combat." Nora smiled wanly as she took a slurp of tea. She suddenly sucked in her breath. "Aaahh…too hot." She stuck her tongue out.

"What are you going to do after the show? From what I heard, Kermit asked you aboard for this one show, but that was pretty much it."

Nora thought for a moment. "I'll think of something."

Scooter was right. Beyond 'A Little Knight Music,' she didn't know if she would be needed or wanted at the theater. Yet she wanted to stay on so badly…

"I think you should stay with us," Scooter said decisively.

"You…you think so?"

"Yes. We need a few more people like you here. And…er…well…"

"Go on," Nora coaxed him.

"I'd really like it if you stayed on." Scooter stood up so that he could look straight at her. "Nora, without you, I wouldn't have stood a chance against Mr. Knotworth. He'd have probably blown up the theater and landed a bunch of us in the hospital if not killed us outright. And the police would still be looking for him."

There was a sharp rap on the door. Mrs. Farley threw the door open and bustled in, her soaking wet sequined dress dripping water all over the floor. "Look at you, you look like a pair of drowned rats."

"Speak for yourself, Goldilocks," Rizzo snorted as he walked by.

Mrs. Farley tsked at him before turning her attention back to Nora and Scooter.

"Oh, Nora…that's why I was so worried about you joining the cast here, Nora," she moaned as she plunked down into a chair. "I had a bad feeling that the Muppet cast would be next on Julius's list of companies to terrorize and sabotage."

"You knew it was him all along?" Scooter asked in disbelief.

"Yes and no. On one hand, I couldn't have conceived that my own brother would break the law in such a way…but on the other hand, some nagging voice deep inside told me that Julius would do this kind of thing. And then I heard on the news that the Killer Fish had come to the area and struck the Kenworthy Place Theater, just like what happened in Cambridge…" Mrs. Farley shook her head and wrung her hands nervously. "That's why I yelled at you, Nora. I didn't want you to be one of the Killer Fish's next victims."

Scooter and Nora only looked at her, letting the information sink in.

"I'm so sorry, Nora…and I'm so sorry for you too, Scooter."

Jerry Nelson stuck his head in through the door. "Excuse me, Mrs. Farley, but the lead detective wants you to make a statement."

Mrs. Farley's eyes widened.

"Please don't arrest her," Nora begged.

"It's all right, I don't think they're going to press charges or anything. They just want her statement as a witness. Mrs. Farley, if you please?"

Mrs. Farley stood and went to the door, but stopped and turned. "Is there anything I can do, Nora, to make it up for you?"

Nora smiled. "Yes. I want you and Mr. Farley to come to the show Saturday night."

Mrs. Farley looked a little hesitant, but smiled. "I'd like that." She followed Jerry out of the room and down the hallway.

Through the open door, Scooter and Nora saw Richard talking to one of the officers.

"You never told me that Richard was your godfather," Nora said quietly.

"I didn't? I thought I did," Scooter said.

"I knew it was him," Richard was saying. "He had it written all over his face. I was ready to slap him with an arrest warrant right there in the bookshop, but I didn't want to do it in front of Mrs. Farley. From what she told me, they weren't really close as kids, and the two of them were only just starting to rebuild their brother-sister bond."

Skeeter came running up. "I tried to call you after the Fish attacked, but your phone was off."

Richard leaned over and gave Skeeter a hug. "Sorry, Skeet, but Jim threatened to skin me alive if my phone went off one more time during a secret mission. But are you okay? That's more important."

"Yeah, we're fine. Just a little spooked."

"Have you had anything to drink?"

"No."

"You need to. Gladys, can you get Skeeter a cup of tea?"

"Yes, yes, and for you, Richard?"

"Cup of coffee. Black. I need a caffeine hit."

Gladys brought two more steaming mugs up.

"Your mom would have killed me if anything happened to you, and then your dad would have come back from the dead and killed me as well," Richard said as he took a swig of coffee. "Now let's go check on your brother and his girlfriend."

Skeeter shrieked with laughter. Scooter almost choked on a mouthful of tea. "Richard, Nora's not my girlfriend!"

"Is that so? Skeeter, do you want to place a bet on it?" Richard asked with a teasing gleam in his eyes as he and Skeeter came in and parked themselves on a few vacant chairs. He stuck out his hand toward Nora. "Nora, we've ran into each other a few times but I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Richard Hunt, the actor and puppeteer. I'm also Scooter and Skeeter's godfather."

Nora smiled shyly as she squeezed Richard's hand.

"I'll never understand you, Richard. I didn't know you were doing secret-agent work all this time," Scooter remarked.

"Don't try to understand me. The others stopped trying years ago." Richard slurped up some more coffee. "We've been tailing the Fish for about a year, since we heard he left Boston. We've been working with the police, and that reporter you saw out on the roof…"

"Why can't she tell us who she is?" Skeeter asked.

"Security reasons. Anyway, the thing is, we're all theater people around here, right? And it really burns our toast, no pun intended, when someone tries to ruin it for us in a big way. So the five of us started doing a little undercover investigating of our own. And it's paid off."

Scooter looked out at the door. "I wonder what happened to set him off like that. It can't have been just the deal with the dramatics society, right?"

Richard nodded. "We'll probably never know. But there's no sense worrying about that now. The theater's intact, no one's hurt, we've nabbed the Fish and the show's going on as scheduled." He lifted his mug. "Here's to 'A Little Knight Music.'"

"Hear, hear." Four mugs clacked against each other.

Jim stood out in the hallway, talking to the reporter. The reporter had taken off her newsboy's cap to reveal shoulder-length sandy-brown hair and two serious blue-gray eyes that scrutinized everything from behind round, wire-rimmed glasses.

She opened a portfolio and took out a police drawing. "This is the one that the Boston police gave me," she said. She held the picture up against the one Jim held. The two Koozebanian-type drawings matched. "Yeah, he's the one they've been looking for all this time."

Jim pulled out a plastic evidence bag. "The cops found this in his office a short time ago."

The bag contained a typed manifesto on how "in order to preserve the purity of traditional literature and drama," strict censorship of "dangerous, immoral" ideas was needed. The manifesto supported burning books, arresting certain authors and closing bookshops and theaters.

Mr. Knotworth's signature was on the manifesto.

"What kind of world is it when we've got this kind of nut heading up a group that's supposed to be safeguarding the First Amendment?" the reporter asked. "I think it's a blessing the dramatics society decided to kick him out."

"Exactly."

"And he tried to pin the crime on his own sister, and maybe make a few innocent Koozebanians look bad…what next?" She paused. "I wonder what the deal was with the fish oil?"

"It's his signature. You know how serial killers and criminals like to sign their crimes, right?" Jim asked.

"And the fish oil was Mr. Knotworth's signature. Kinda strange, though."

"Mrs. Farley told us that her whole family hates fish. So in Mr. Knotworth's view, spraying fish oil all over the place would be the ultimate insult."

------

Around nine o'clock, Kermit announced, "All right, the rehearsal is on hold for the rest of the night, so the police can do their thing. We'll have one final rehearsal tomorrow night, and I want everyone to go home and get some rest."

------

End of act five. The final act will be along shortly.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Here it is, guys. The cast has finally made it to opening night.

Statler: Now let's just hope they make it out of opening night (he and Waldorf guffaw)!

M.N.: (sighs) Here it is, act six, scene one.

Act Six, Scene One:

It was the opening night of 'A Little Knight Music' at long last.

And only at the Muppet Theater would you see one of King Arthur's knights chatting on the phone with a would-be guest for a later show.

"Yes…yes, Mr. Lake, we do need someone for the twentieth…the band wants to come? Great, great…all right, I'll tell Kermit you said so…listen, I have to run, the show starts in half an hour…yes, thanks, Mr. Lake," Scooter said politely.

Kermit came downstairs, singing softly. "For her I'd have ridden over hill and dale…for her I'd have brought back a dragon's head…but now that I've seen what she's become…I'd rather have the dragon instead." He looked up. "Who was on the phone, Scooter?"

"That was Greg Lake," Scooter explained as he hung up the phone.

"As in, one third of Emerson, Lake and Palmer?"

"Yeah, he was calling from London. He and the rest of ELP want to appear on the show sometime."

"Wow, that ought to be a knockout. I've been trying to get them on the show since forever," Kermit remarked. "All right, we'll put them down for the twentieth. Now, as for the thirteenth, you'll have to call Eric Clapton and Bonnie Tyler and tell them that we've got a scheduling conflict but we'll work something out."

Scooter started to reach for the phone, but Kermit stopped him. "Hold it, Scooter. You can do that later. You're released from your gofering duties tonight. You're a knight, remember?"

Scooter smiled. "You're right, boss." He set the clipboard down on the desk and went off to run over his lines one last time with Fozzie, Gonzo, Nora and the others.

"Are you ready, my sweet kingly frog?" Miss Piggy swept up in full costume.

"Just about…er…my sweet…queenly pig," Kermit gulped.

"I shall see vous at the start of act one. Kissy, kissy." Miss Piggy ran off to touch up her makeup.

Mildred brandished a program through the air. "Idiots! My name is Huxtetter, not Featherstone! What were they thinking when they put the list together?"

"Well if it took you that long to notice, then who's the idiot here?" George the janitor asked as he trundled past with a mop and bucket.

Auntie Eleanor, Uncle Deadly's wife, stuck her head in through one of the side doors.

"Where is my dashing Deadly?" the old she-dragon asked sweetly.

Uncle Deadly swooped in, wearing his wizard's red and black robes with the silvery alchemical symbols on them. "At your service, my lady."

"Break a leg," Eleanor cooed as she gave her mate a kiss on his snout. "I'll be in the side box next to Lady Faffner's."

"I shall blow you a kiss as I torture King Arthur into madness."

A group of the cast stood clustered around the wings, watching the audience come in.

"Huge crowd tonight."

Discordant sounds rose up from the pit as the Electric Mayhem tuned up.

"Anyone we know out there?"

"Let's see…there's my mom…there's Cousin Mike…" Fozzie said.

"Hey, who are the little guys with big feet?" Gonzo asked, pointing to a group of tiny creatures who took up a seat to themselves next to an old inventor and his dog.

"Red, Gobo, Mokey, Wembley and Boober, from Fraggle Rock. Skeeter invited them," Scooter explained. "I see Doc and Sprocket came, too."

"There's Edgar and Charlie, and Gags Beazley," Fozzie said, "and Kermit still doesn't believe that there ever was a banana sketch!" There was a collective gasp of disbelief.

"Okay, there's Richard…and he's giving us the peace sign. Hi, Richard!" Nora called, waving. Richard waved back and sat down in the front row next to Jim and Jane.

"Oh no, it's those two old guys," Fozzie moaned as Statler and Waldorf appeared in their usual box.

"Relax, Fozzie. Jim said that if Statler and Waldorf get too outrageous, he'll throw something at them."

"Who's the ghost lady with the two kids and the red-headed crazy?"

"Er…okay, there's Lady Faffner, Riff, Mimi and the Wild Impresario. They made it!" Skeeter exclaimed.

The reporter appeared in the aisle, wearing a dark blue silk suit. She shook hands with Jim, Jane, Frank, Jerry, Richard and Dave before taking her seat in the front row.

"She's got a press pass on. Someone see what it says," Scooter whispered.

Skeeter brought out a pair of binoculars. "Okay, it's a press pass from the Daily Inspector. It says…first name starts with E…Ellen…Erica…no, wait, it's Erin. Last name…it's…Roll. Her name is Erin Roll." Skeeter paused. "Wait a minute, I've heard of her somewhere."

Sam strutted up. "I have heard of her. Even though she is decidedly a left-wing tree-hugger who idolizes those two reporters who drove Nixon out of office, I admire her devotion to the Constitution."

"Well, what's she doing here? I think she's got something more to do with this than the Killer Fish." Fozzie wondered.

Kermit came running up. "People, people, the show starts in a few minutes! Get into your places! You can speculate over why that reporter's here later!" With that the cast set off at a run. "Eeeesh, what I have to do to keep those clowns in line," he muttered.


------

Moments later, after the opening theme, Kermit strode out on stage in front of the curtain to the applause of the audience.

"Good even, ladies and gentlemen, and I do welcome you to another evening's entertainment at the Muppet Show," Kermit said to the audience. "And in case you're wondering why I'm talking that way, it's because we've got a great new book show in line for you tonight. Sit back and watch as we head back to the days of knights, castles, dragons…"

"And really gruesome torture scenes!" Gonzo said as he stuck his head through the curtain.

"Yes, thank you, Gonzo. Where was I…oh, right. We have for you a story called 'A Little Knight Music,' which is our own story based on the legend of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Considering what we had to go through to get this show off the ground, we really hope you enjoy it."

Kermit took a deep breath and started to sing as Rowlf and the Electric Mayhem started in on the jazz-rock piano-and-guitar introduction of 'A New-Fashioned Story.' "We've got your happily ever afters and your once upon a times."

The curtain swept up to reveal the rest of the cast in place. "We've got your catchy little ballads, and all that stuff that rhymes," Miss Piggy, Skeeter and Clifford sang.

The rest of the cast joined in with, "We've got your knights who fight for glory, and avoid a death most gory."

Everyone sang, "But listen up my friends 'cause here we've got…a new-fashioned story."

And that's how the opening number started off, and moved through with promises of adventure, danger and comedy.

Gonzo and Robin sang, "We've got deep dark dungeon scenes and things that really rot."

And Scooter and Nora came in with the line that got the most laughter, "We've got all the crazy stuff that Lerner and Loewe forgot!"

'A Little Knight Music' was officially off to the races.

-----

 

[ReneeLouvier]

Just awesome!!! Can't wait to see the rest!!

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

I think this is the second or third to last scene.

Act Six, Scene Two:

Backstage, after the opening number, Scooter and Nora sat back and watched as Kermit and Miss Piggy did the first scene, a marital spat that seemed to be straight out of 'A Streetcar Named Desire.'

Nora plunked down onto a nearby chair. "Three…two…one…"

"STELLA!"

There was a roar of laughter from the audience. Scooter ran to the wings and stage-whispered, "Wrong play!"

"Sorry. GUIN!"

Scooter came back, sat down and took out his script. "Let me get this straight. Your own brother kicked you out of the kingdom as soon as your father died?"

"You got it straight," Nora huffed. "Primogeniture's a real pill."

"Tell me about it. I was the youngest of six boys."

"Father sent Cadogan to a school to try to make him more like a real king, you know. The school sent him back. Return to sender, address unknown."

Scooter flipped ahead a few pages.

"So what are you going to do after we save Camelot?" Nora asked, still reading from the script.

Scooter leaned over and rested his chin in his hands. "I don't really know…but…"

"Oh, come on, now, you knights of yore always have something that you really want to do."

Out on stage, Miss Piggy snipped, "Tell Sir Thomas Malory or whoever he is that he can take his precious scribblings and stick them someplace I can't mention here. Now if you'll excuse me, Arthur King, I'm going to the chapel where I can hear myself think." With that, Miss Piggy stalked offstage and Kermit slumped down on the throne.

Robin came running down from the dressing room, wearing a traveling cloak over his costume.

"Get going, you're on in a few minutes," Scooter whispered as he closed his script.

Nora stood and threw her own cloak on. "Wish me luck, Sir Knight."

"Break a leg, Princess," Scooter smiled and gave her a thumbs-up.

Nora blew a kiss back at him as she and Robin went out on stage.

From then on, the play went amazingly quickly and smoothly. They went through the catapult and courtyard scene that we mentioned in act three. In the front row, Jane was in spasms of laughter, and Richard was laughing so hard there were tears running down his face. Erin the reporter was clutching her side as she laughed.

Even Statler and Waldorf liked it, but that didn't stop the heckling from coming.

-----

Toward the end of act one, the Camelot group stopped about a mile from Mordred's castle to take a break around a campfire.

The scene involved Galahad and Deirdre stepping away from the others in order to talk among themselves for a moment.

This was the scene in which Galahad, meaning Scooter, revealed his secret wish to go off and find Avalon, the legendary dream kingdom. The song for this scene was the melancholy power ballad, "I Forgot How to Dream." It began as a duet between Scooter and Nora and slowly brought in the rest of the cast.

At the song's end, Scooter and Nora started to lean closer to one another…and then Nora stopped, a look of fear on her face. "I can't."

"Why not? Is it something I…oh, good grief, I'm coming on too strong, aren't I?"

"Galahad…"

"We've only known each other for a few weeks. You're right, it's too soon to consider a relationship..."

"Galahad…"

"But the thing is, Deirdre, I think I'm really starting to fall for you, and…"

"Galahad! It's not you!"

"It isn't? Then what is it?"

"It's Mordred's pet Gradgrund from the swamps of Caerfyll…and it's right behind you!"

Scooter whirled around. The Gradgrund (think a Jabberwock with tentacles) lumbered out onto stage and let out an unearthly shriek.

"RUN!"

But it was too late. The Gradgrund shot out two tentacles and snatched the frightened knight and terrified princess up.

"Arthur! Guinevere! Tristram!" Nora screamed.

"Lancelot! Bedivere!" Scooter hollered.

The Gradgrund's tail swept aside to reveal Kermit, Miss Piggy and the others tied up and under guard. And then the lights went dark, and the curtains descended.


The curtain rose on act two fifteen minutes later, and the audience gasped.

The stage had changed to the torture scene in the dungeon of Mordred's castle.

Fozzie and Robin tried to struggle against the pillories binding their necks and wrists, and Camilla pecked at the lock holding her cage shut. A guard turned the crank of the rack holding Gonzo. There was a creaking noise above the stage, and a rope started to slowly lower Scooter and Nora down toward the bubbling cauldron at stage front.

"The master thought you two would enjoy a nice hot bubble bath," the guard cackled. "Happy soaking!"

"Lancelot, do something!" Robin yelled hysterically.

"Trist, I really would, but…oh, yeah, turn up the tension on that, guard-man!" Gonzo sighed happily. The guard stared in disbelief but turned the rack's crank a few more times.

Nora's jaw dropped open. "It's a habit with him," Scooter explained resignedly as the rope lowered another few inches. "Last week it was the cat o'nine tails, this week it was the catapult through the chapel window…we've gotten used to it."

Fozzie and Robin began straining at the pillories again.

And then it got so that the guard couldn't turn the rack anymore. This, as it turns out, was the moment Gonzo had been waiting for. He broke his now six-foot-long arms free of the shackles.

"What the…" the guard stuttered.

"Ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!" Gonzo whipped his well-elongated arms across the room, Indiana Jones style, sending three of the guards and the cage holding Camilla flying.

The cage broke on contact with the floor. Camilla shook herself free and flapped up to the rope holding Scooter and Nora over the boiling cauldron.

Nora began wriggling about, trying to swing the rope about. She and Scooter quickly began swinging back and forth like a pendulum over the chamber floor.

"Stop them!" one of the guards yelled as he lurched to his feet. But Gonzo's arm smacked into him and sent him sprawling again.

Camilla pecked through the last shreds of rope right as Scooter and Nora swung out over the center of the floor. The two fell to the floor and broke free of their bonds. Camilla let go of the rope and landed in Scooter's arms.

Nora dodged one of the guards and ran to free Robin. Scooter quickly handed Camilla off to Gonzo and ran to release Fozzie.

"Fair Elaine, are you well?" Gonzo asked.

"Bawk…bawk, bawk." Camilla nudged Gonzo's face with her beak.

The knights barreled up the stairs and burst into the upstairs chamber, ready to rescue their king…only to find five guards lying unconscious on the floor, and the imprisoned king and his queen sharing a tender moment.

Gonzo's eyes widened. Nora quickly dropped one hand in front of Robin's eyes, and the others coughed discreetly and turned away. There were a few wolf whistles from the audience.

"Do I take it that marriage counseling is no longer needed?" Nora asked hesitantly.

Miss Piggy pried her lips off of Kermit's face and primly smoothed a wrinkle out of her dress. "Hmmph. Some knights you make. I almost broke a nail fighting those guards while you twits were off doing I don't know what."

"I don't want to stretch the truth, Guinevere," Fozzie said as Kermit stared at Gonzo's much-longer-than-usual arms, "but we were a little tied up. Get it? Tied up? Come on, Galahad, you're supposed to laugh at that one."

Scooter winced. The audience groaned.

Kermit got to his feet. "Come on, everyone, we've got a ball to crash. What happened to Merlin and Vivian?"

"They got separated, but I think they're okay."

The group started to trundle out of the chamber, and the lights dimmed.

-----

 

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh!! I really love how it's going!! Nice!!!

 

[The Count]

You know... I've been reading this one, and I have to say I liked it. Got flabbergasted with the nods to MC, ourselves, and the universe created in Sadie's Stories...

The plot was well done, Nora was a nice new addition to the cast, and the general Muppet inclusions were a good tie-in. But for me, the best parts were the asides or little intros MNG did/does before each scene.

Looking forward to the rest, since there's simply much too much to comment on. Hope to read the rest soon.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Flabbergasted? Is that in a positive or a negative sense?

Thank you, Count. I rather liked the intros myself (personal fave is a tie between the Holy Grail reference and the Monotones number). Rest of the story is coming up later.