FanFic: A Little Knight Music

[Muppet Newsgirl]

That's cool, that's cool.

I might as well tie up a few loose ends and post the end of act two.

Act Two, Scene Four:

One week later:

Clifford read out the roll. "King Arthur and Queen Guinevere will be played by, respectively, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy."

Kermit smiled wanly, as Miss Piggy got up and did her "I want to thank my agent, and my hairdresser" act.

"Sir Bedivere will be played by Fozzie Bear."

"Wocka wocka!" Fozzie said gleefully as he stood up, doffed his hat and bowed.

"Sir Lancelot will be played by Gonzo the Great..."

Gonzo gasped. "Did ya hear that, Camilla?"

"…and Camilla will play Lady Elaine."

"Bawk…bawk…" Camilla clucked graciously.

"Sir Galahad will be played by Scooter Hunt-Grosse. Princess Deirdre will be played by Nora Brandon."

Scooter's eyes widened. Nora smiled and clapped her hands. A few in the audience laughed and whistled.

"As Vivian, a.k.a. the Lady of the Lake, Skeeter Hunt-Grosse. As Prince Tristram, Robin the Frog."

Skeeter gleefully punched the air with her fist. Robin hopped up and down on his chair.

"In the roles of Mordred and Morgan Le Fay, Link Hogthrob and Mildred Featherstone. Uncle Deadly will play Llandfyll the Unpleasant, Mordred's court wizard. Wayne will play King Cadogan, Deirdre and Tristram's older brother."

Beauregard came in, holding his mop. "Uh…have I missed anything?"

"Yeah. Beau, you're playing Gawain." Clifford resumed reading the list. "And the part of Merlin will be played by…hey, that's me!"

"Thanks, Clifford. All right, everyone, rehearsals start tomorrow," Kermit said. "Rowlf, you're the musical director. The Electric Mayhem and some additional musicians will be the pit band, as usual." Kermit had to raise his voice as police sirens blared past outside. "I want everyone rested and ready to rehearse!" He looked over at the door leading off to the alleyway. "Wonder where they're going in such a hurry?"

Someone turned on the radio.

"Police are investigating an incident of theft and vandalism at the Louise Gold Theater. Someone broke into the theater about an hour ago, emptied out the safe and cut the wires to the theater's power and lighting system. It also appeared that someone had attempted to set fire to the theater as well, but was interrupted."

Kermit frowned. "Isn't that where they were supposed to be doing 'As You Like It'?"

"One of the theater's maintenance workers discovered the theft and vandalism a short time ago," the announcer said.

The maintenance man's voice came on. "Yeah, I came in to do a checkup on the circuit board before the rehearsals, and when I got in there, the place reeked. Smelled like rotting fish. Anyways, after I got a gas mask I found that someone had hacked into the wiring system and the director's office. And then I found some matches and some kind of bottle with gasoline and rags in it right behind the furnace."

------

A short distance away, one gloved hand held a pen. The other hand held a list of theaters.

The pen moved over the list, swiftly crossing off 'Louise Gold.' Jane Nebel had come before, and before the Jane there were two others in the area, the Kenworthy and the Smiling Mask.

The hands' owner smiled a grim smile and counted the names left. The Not-So-Little Theater…the Grade Avenue Theater…and at the bottom, the biggest game in the hunt, the former Benny Vendergast Memorial Theater, now known as the Muppet Theater.

Soon, Kermit T. Frog…soon you and your miserable little troupe will feel the wrath of the Killer Fish.

-----

Okay, I think I'm going to have to stop there for the night. I think I saw lightning outside and I don't want to fry my hard drive.

 

[muppetwriter]

Wow!

The moment I started reading this fanfic, I was impressed, even with the title. So I guess this makes two "alternate realities" inspired by the "Sadie Stories". One being the reality that I developed for the "Marvelous Muppets", which isn't that different from the actual "Sadie Reality"; and the other being the one that Muppet Newsgirl created for this story, which (as I take it) is a more light-hearted version.

I'm dying to know who this "Killer Fish" is! Better yet, I'm dying to know how the Muppets are going to deal with such a sadistic character (who sounds like he belongs in my "Marvelous Muppets" universe).

This is really exciting, M.N.!!

 

[ReneeLouvier]

....wow...I'm quite....flattered now!

My stories are the basis for other alternate realities! My goodness!! *is laughing happily* That's just plain awesome!

Oh, more story please Muppet Newsgirl!!!

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Muppet Newsgirl: First, thou shalt open the book of this most amusing show, then shalt thou count to act three. Three shalt be the number, and the number to be counted shalt be three. Four thou shalt not count, nor shalt thou count to two, unless thou dost then proceed to three. Five is right out…(Kermit reaches out and taps on M.N.'s shoulder) what is it?

Kermit: You're introducing the next act, not getting ready to launch the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

Gonzo: Holy hand grenade…hey, can we borrow that for the fight scene?

Kermit: No, Monty Python's used that already. Let's get the ball rolling.


Act Three, Scene One


As Kermit said, the rehearsals began the next day, Saturday, at ten o'clock.
However, most of the principals had to show up an hour early so Hilda could deal with them and their costumes.

"Hilda, how much longer?" Sir Bedivere (Fozzie) whined as he shifted around on a step stool in the wardrobe room.

"Shut up and quit fidgeting! I need to adjust this hem!" Hilda snapped as she stuck pins into the hem of Fozzie's tunic. She was in a foul (fowl?) mood, having just had to deal with Sir Lancelot (Gonzo).

Gonzo sat in a corner, passionately reciting a love sonnet to Camilla.

There came a knock on the stage door. "I'll get it!" And with that Sir Galahad (Scooter) flew out of the room, eager to be away from Hilda for a few seconds at least.

He pulled open the door.

"Am I late?" Nora asked brightly as she stepped inside out of the brisk early fall wind. "I had to drop Heather off at a scout meeting, and…"

"No, you're just in time. But it might have been better for you if you were a little late," Scooter smiled wanly. "Hilda's in a terrible mood, and…"

"Scooter, get back here, you're next! Nora, I want to see you, too!" Hilda snapped.

Scooter moaned and started to drag his feet back up the stairs, Nora following.

"The things I go through…" Hilda muttered as the two came in. She spotted them and tossed a bundle of something blue and white at Nora. "Nora, go into the back room and put that on. Scooter, up on the stool."

Nora ducked through a rear door and locked it behind her. She shook out the bundle that Hilda had thrown at her. It was a floor-length turquoise silk dress with a white collar and cuffs.

-----

Scooter had only been up on the stool for a few minutes, but it already felt like an eternity. As it turned out, his tunic had been made for someone taller, so Hilda had to adjust both the hem and the sleeves, which meant that Scooter had to stand there even longer with his arms outstretched.

Nora appeared from the back room, wearing the dress. Scooter glanced up to look at her…and glanced away quickly as he felt his cheeks turn red.

Hilda glanced up. "How does it fit?"

"Fits fine," Nora said.

"Good, one less thing for me to deal with...Scooter, stop twitching!"

Kermit appeared in the doorway, in full costume as King Arthur. "Excuse me, Hilda, I hate to interrupt but I need my knights so we can start act one."

Hilda snipped through one last thread and practically shoved Scooter off the stool. "Fine. Get out of here, all of you."

In their race for the door, the knights remarkably resembled a herd of stampeding wildebeests.

Clifford hurtled out of one of the spare rooms, wearing his moon and star-covered wizard's robe and hat. Skeeter emerged from another room, wearing a long silver and green robe.

In the pit, Rowlf was going over one of the numbers on the piano while Floyd and Janice tuned up their guitars. Miss Piggy already stood out on stage going over some of her lines.

Kermit ran out onto stage. "All right, places for act one!" There was a crash backstage. "Fozzie, what have I told you about leaving banana peels lying around?"

"I'm sorry, Kermit, but we've got the banana sketch almost down pat! Won't happen again," Fozzie called as he climbed up and stood next to the thrones.

"Do plays around here always start off like this?" Nora asked.

"You haven't seen the half of it," Scooter said.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Three, Scene Two:

On the first page of the script, there was this plot summary.

At Camelot, things aren't going especially well. Arthur is having a terrible time keeping the Round Table organized, and remembering whether he's supposed to be going off in search of the Holy Grail or in search of Excalibur. On top of that, his relationship with Guinevere is suffering a bit. The queen is bored with court life and spends much of her time sitting around eating chocolates and listening to balladeers recite tawdry, torrid romances.

Lancelot is now madly in love with Elaine, and he spends nearly all his time with her, that is, when he's not engaged in death-defying feats of bravery (stupidity?). Bedivere's moonlighting as the court comedian, to pass the time between quests, and Galahad, the youngest of the Round Table knights, has a bad case of the royal blues.

There are two newcomers to the court: Princess Deirdre and her little brother, Prince Tristram, who have been kicked out of their kingdom by their power-hungry older brother, the newly-crowned King Cadogan.

Anyway, Mordred, an old nemesis of King Arthur, and his wife, Morgan Le Fay, have decided to launch an attack on Camelot, with the aid of their wizard, Llandfyll the Unpleasant, who has invented a terrible new weapon. It is up to the royal court at Camelot to stop Mordred and save their kingdom…and at the same time, learn what it really means to be the king, queen or knight.

The cast started rehearsing various scenes in the play, although they were mostly out of order.

The play opened with the principal and ensemble actors all assembled in the Great Hall at Camelot, singing a set-the-scene tune called "A New-Fashioned Story." The first scene had Kermit having a tense conference in the Great Hall with Skeeter and Clifford.

"Arthur, you should have saved the holy grail quest for next March. I mean, you're already backed up to here organizing that quest for Avalon," Clifford said sagely.

"I'd forgotten all about that," Kermit sighed. "Ever since I became king it's been one quest after another, and I keep forgetting what it is I'm supposed to be chasing after."

It was during this scene that Deirdre and Tristram (Nora and Robin) arrived at Camelot.

"Deirdre, Tristram, good to see you. How's old King Edgar?" Kermit asked.

Nora sighed. "Dead. The jester said he'd die laughing at his latest joke, and, well…he did."

"That's terrible. So who's the king now?"

"Our oldest brother, Cadogan the Slimy. He's since kicked Tristram and me out of Nether Millstone, on pain of death."

"So, um, we were wondering if we could seek sanctuary here for a bit," Robin piped up.

----

The Great Hall soon gave way to the castle courtyard. A wide set of stone steps led up to the castle entrance. Fozzie sat on the steps reading a joke book, and Gonzo stood next to a catapult at stage right.

"Oh, fair Elaine," Gonzo said rapturously, "won't you sit and watch your knight in shining tinfoil shoot himself over yonder parapet for you?"

Camilla clucked appreciatively, preening her green silk cap and veil.

Gonzo hopped onto the catapult. "Gawain! Hurry up and wind this thing up, will you?"

Beauregard hurried in from the wings and started straining at the catapult's crank. Scooter emerged from inside the castle and sat down on the steps, playing blues riffs on a harmonica. The catapult started to creak ominously. Fozzie looked up from his book and Scooter stopped playing in mid-note. The catapult arm creaked back farther…and then Beauregard let it go.

"Wooo-hoooo!" Gonzo yelled as the catapult flung him off. Fozzie and Scooter winced as there came the smash of breaking glass offstage. Beauregard blanched and ran off.

Scooter shielded his eyes and glanced off into the distance. "Uh, wasn't he supposed to miss the chapel's rose window?"

"Actually it's an improvement," Fozzie said. "He landed in the cow paddock last time."

"Good point."

Off in the distance, there were yells of "How dare you interrupt moi while moi is at church, buzzard beak!"

Scooter looked out at the audience. "Just another normal day in King Arthur's court, folks." He looked down at his harmonica, sighed and glumly slipped it into his tunic pocket.

Camilla flapped over, landed on the steps and gently nudged Scooter's arm. "Bawk…bawwwk?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, Elaine. I'm just having second thoughts about this whole knight-in-shining-armor deal."

Gonzo appeared from stage right, his tunic in shreds and his nose bent out of shape. "Man, that was great! Probably my best yet! Applaud me, my sweet Elaine! Commend me, Bedivere and Galahad!"

"Lancelot, I heard Guinevere saying the other day that if you keep up those stunts like that she'll have you drawn and quartered," Fozzie warned.

"Come on, it's this English weather. We can't go out jousting or questing, so I've gotta do something," Gonzo protested, shaking a few shards of stained glass out of his hair and readjusting his nose as he climbed up the steps and sat down. "And so what if the chapel window was an exact replica of the one at some cathedral in France, what do they call it, Notre Dame or something."

"I thought you said you didn't do windows," Fozzie said.

"I've done everything else in this courtyard, so why not? Let old Queenie Guinnie threaten me," Gonzo said airily.

Fozzie looked down at his joke book. "Say, did you hear the one about the horse and the rubber chicken?"

Gonzo wasn't listening. "I swear, she's such a --"

"The queen's coming!" Beauregard yelled from offstage.

Gonzo quickly pretended to be whispering sweet nothings to Camilla. Fozzie immediately went back to his joke book. Scooter whipped a recorder out from where it hid in his tunic sleeve and started playing 'Greensleeves.' Beauregard came back outside and started doing a cat's cradle with a long piece of string.

Miss Piggy came outside, wearing an ornate yellow silk dress and a long robe. She gave Gonzo a dirty look before glancing around at the other knights.

"Sweet Galahad, that song is quite dated and melancholy. Won't vous favor us with 'Some Enchanted Evening?'" she asked sweetly.

Scooter turned to the audience and made a face, but started playing Miss Piggy's request. The porcine queen of England and of Camelot started sashaying around the courtyard, humming along, before she went inside to converse with "my sweet Artie-pie."

As soon as Miss Piggy left, Scooter took a deep breath and started playing something slower and sadder.

"Hey, Gally, you're really sinking the mood around here. Heck, compared to you, Hamlet looks like a party animal," Gonzo said.

"He's right you know. What's going on?" Fozzie asked. "You've been moping around like this for three days straight."

Scooter stopped playing and lowered his recorder. "I don't know, guys. I'm just wondering what it's all worth."

"What do you mean?" Fozzie asked. "I mean, come on, the knight business is the best in the kingdom. Other than being court jester, I mean, wouldn't trade that for the world."

"That's just it, the knight business. We ride around, we slay the occasional demonic beast, we pledge our loyalty to good looking girls, we get written up in ballads that'll actually pass as serious literature a thousand years from now…but what's it all for?"

Gonzo laughed. "So go out and rescue yourself a damsel or something. That'll make you feel better."

"You don't understand, Lancelot. Besides, damsels don't want to be rescued these days, they want to be the ones doing the rescuing." Scooter sighed. "Plus, the good ones are all taken."

Kermit could be heard just offstage, talking to Nora and Robin. Fozzie quickly turned. "The king's coming! Quick, pretend you're practicing!"

Scooter and Gonzo leapt to their feet and drew their swords, with Fozzie calling out directions. "And lunge! Buckle! Parry!"

"Perry who?" Gonzo asked.

"Uh, Perry the miller's son. You know, the guy who owns that bar and grill down on Threadneedle Street."

"Oh, yeah, the shepherd's pie there is to die for. And the hot wings!"

"Bawk!"

"But the barmaids' wings aren't nearly as hot as yours, Elaine," Gonzo said quickly.

Kermit appeared from stage right with Nora and Robin. "It's okay, boys, it's your day off." He came forward on the steps. "I'd like you to meet Princess Deirdre and Prince Tristram of Nether Millstone. Deirdre, Tristram, meet Sir Bedivere…"

"Hi," Fozzie said cheerfully.

"Sir Gawain..."

"Hello," Beauregard said.

"Sir Lancelot and his girlfriend, Lady Elaine…"

Gonzo bowed extravagantly. Camilla clucked softly.

"And Sir Galahad."

Scooter nodded in greeting.

-------

The action shifted back to the throne room, and into a musical number about how life at the castle needed to get back to the way it used to be. The big crescendo was interrupted by a knock at the castle doors. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Scooter nearly trampled one another in their haste to answer it.

"I'll get it, I'm expecting a copy of 'Jousting for Dummies!'"

"No, I'll get it, that iron maiden I ordered is supposed to arrive today!"

"It's probably my uncle!"

"I'll answer it, because…er…well, because I'm the king."

Kermit yanked the door open. "Hmm. No one's there."

And then a brick went sailing through one of the castle windows. It clattered on the floor in a shower of glass.

Skeeter picked up the brick and read the note attached to it. "'Dear Arthur, King of the Britons, Lord of Camelot and the Round Table, etc. etc.: I'm about to heat things up where you are. I've decided that things have gotten too peaceful here in England, so Morgan and I are going to stage an attack on Camelot, and you won't be able to stop us. Since I'm such a good sport, I'll give you, Guinevere and your knights forty-eight hours to get your royal rears in gear if you want to try and fight us. Insert evil maniacal laugh here. Your old chum, Mordred.'"

Kermit moaned. "He's at it again."

Another brick came sailing through the window. Skeeter picked it up. "Here's a post-script. 'By the way, where's that lawnmower you borrowed from me last spring, you toad?'"

Kermit yelled at the window, "You'll get it as soon as you return my weed-whacker, pork brains!"

The green-skinned king went sailing across the room, as a result of a karate chop from his queen. "Say that again in front of me and I'll knock you from here to the next eventide!" Miss Piggy snapped.

"I'm sorry, Guin, I'm sorry! That was directed at him!" Kermit protested. He looked up. "Boys…and Guin, Vivian and Elaine…we're going on a road trip." He sat up, rubbing a bruise.

"Road trip!" Gonzo yelled gleefully as he, Fozzie and Scooter exchanged high-fives.

"Can we come too, Uncle -- I mean, King Arthur?" Robin asked.


"Yeah, we know our way around Mordred's territory," Nora said. "What are we doing, storming his castle?"

"This is a medieval fantasy. Of course we're storming his castle," Kermit said firmly. Gonzo started jumping up and down, by now completely in the throes of ecstasy.

Clifford tapped his fingers on the arm of one of the thrones. "If I remember correctly, Mordred typically likes to hold some kind of ball the night before he invades a kingdom. It gives him a puffed-up sense of self-worth. I think that'd be the best time to strike him."

"Indeed." Miss Piggy turned to the knights. "In that case, dear knights and ladies, bring something nice. Lancelot, that doesn't mean powder blue polyester."

"Aw, geez." Gonzo scuffed one foot against the floor. The other knights started upstairs to pack.

----

"All right everyone, we'll rehearse the end of act one later. Right now, everyone take a breather, and we'll work on the torture, ball and final fight scenes in act two," Kermit said.

Everyone went off to take five. Nora went backstage to grab a bottle of water from her backpack.

"Nora," a voice said behind her. Nora turned. Mrs. Farley stood hesitantly in the doorway, clutching her purse.

"Hello, Mrs. Farley," Nora said flatly.

Mrs. Farley looked around at the backstage area, at the costumes dangling off the stairway and the props lying underfoot. Out on the stage, one could hear Scooter and Floyd doing a quick rendition of "Mr. Bassman."

"I wanted to apologize for how I yelled at you yesterday," Mrs. Farley said quietly. "It wasn't my place to do that."

Nora didn't look up.

"I truly am sorry, Nora," Mrs. Farley said, a bit more urgently.

Nora looked up, slowly turned her gaze to Mrs. Farley, and nodded slowly.

"Well you don't mean a thing, when the leader's singing, when he goes ay-yi--LOOK OUT!" Scooter and Floyd dove for cover as a fairly substantial piece of scenery came loose from its moorings and crashed to the stage.

By 'dove for cover,' we mean 'did a most impressive stage dive into the band pit.'

"Beauregard!" Kermit yelled.

"I'm sorry, boss, I had it secured earlier!"

Floyd removed himself from Animal's partially demolished drum kit. "Nice dive, Scooter. You're ready to play CBGB."

Scooter untangled himself from a mass of amplifier wires, stood up and brushed dust off the front of his tunic. "We're okay, boss…ow!" He suddenly bent over and clutched at his ankle.

Kermit looked up and sniffed the air. There was a faint smell coming from the catwalk over the stage. He couldn't identify it outright, but it smelled vaguely fishy.

"Hey, Kermit, have a look at this," Skeeter said as she picked up the end of one of the cables.

It looked like something had partially cut through the cables holding the scenery up.

Nora frowned. "Hey, boss, did you see---"

But Mrs. Farley had already left.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Thank you, thank you. You know, the scene with Fozzie, Gonzo and Scooter in the courtyard at Camelot was one of my favorites to write.

More madness to come soon, I promise.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

The server on my end's a little slow tonight, and I had to finish up an essay for a 300-level French class, but here's scene three.

Ever notice that Scooter pretty much never appeared in the 'At the Dance' segments on 'The Muppet Show?' Well, if you wanted to see the gofer take his turn on the floor, here's your chance.

Scooter: (peeking out from behind curtain) Do I have to do this?

Muppet Newsgirl: While I feel your discomfort, as a fellow certified two-left footer, you still have to do that scene.

Nora: Come on, Scooter, it won't be that bad...will it?

Scooter: All right, I'll do it, but we need to give Miss Piggy and Kermit some running room. I got clocked in the head at that last rehearsal and I have the high-heel marks on my head to prove it.

Muppet Newsgirl: Get going, both of you.

Scooter and Nora: (in unison) Yes, Chief.

Act Three, Scene Three:

There was a break, during which the stagehands got the fallen scenery cleaned up.

For most of the afternoon, the cast went through the act two scenes, like the group's travels through Mordred's territory, their capture and imprisonment, the torture scene and the group's eventual escape.

"This is rough," Fozzie said as the stagehands moved the racks, pillories and cauldron offstage. "We should have done something easy, like 'Paradise Lost.'"

And then came the ball scene at Mordred's castle. In the play, Mordred would host a ball the night before he invaded Camelot, and King Arthur and the others would have to crash the ball in order to save the kingdom.

Because it involved actual dancing, it was the scene that Scooter dreaded the most. True, most of the Muppets had two left feet, but that didn't stop the feelings of dread from coming.

Polly Naise, the house choreographer and second-biggest battleaxe, sat on the edge of the band pit, beating time with a stick and silently asking why she had to coach a crew of slue-footed Muppets in medieval costumes through the tango.

"All right, and one, two, one, two…Gonzo, tuck your arms in! You're not a chicken! And two, and spin out and…Piggy, Kermit's supposed to lead, and spin back in, and one, two, one, two…Fozzie! Stop clomping about like an epileptic Clydesdale!"

Fozzie nodded and proceeded to (very) awkwardly dip the female Whatnot who had been assigned as his partner.

Scooter and Nora were at the back of the set, slowly going through the tango's motions.

"Scooter! Nora! The audience can't see you if you're back there! Get up to stage front!"

"Come on." Nora led Scooter by the hand to the front of the stage. "You're really tense," she whispered. "Loosen up. Pretend there's no one else there."

"Okay, right." Scooter carefully spun Nora out, spun her back in and dipped her just as Miss Piggy swung Kermit around in mid-air.

"Uh, Piggy, I think you're getting a little carried away…Piggy, would you…whooooaaa!"

Scooter brought Nora back up. They winced as Kermit went flying into Fozzie and his partner, and into Gonzo and Camilla.

The bear, the whatever, the chicken and the Whatnot fell to the floor in a tangle of tunics and court dresses. Polly started screaming and hollering, but Miss Piggy simply grabbed Kermit and started whirling him around again.

Scooter and Nora decided not to take any chances and made a run for it…but Kermit went flying across the stage and smacked into them, knocking them over.

Miss Piggy struck a pose in her diaphanous pink ball dress…and then realized that she had sent King Arthur and all his knights sprawling.

"Oh…Artie…" she cooed.

"Don't 'Oh Artie' me," Kermit groaned. He stood up, readjusted his crown and brushed the dust off of his white linen and gold lame tunic. "Everyone, take five! Or ten or fifteen!" Kermit turned and walked offstage. Polly reached into her bag and pulled out a very large bottle of what looked suspiciously like VSOP cognac.

Nora sat up and glanced down at herself. There was a large rip in her dress from where she had caught herself on a chair while falling.

"My back…" Scooter moaned.

"Are you going to make it?"

"I don't know."

Nora cleared her throat and pretended to dictate a death certificate. "Cause of death, internal injuries suffered from a blunt theater director."

-----

It turned out that all of the costumes needed to be mended. Hilda carried an armload of silk, satin, cotton and linen off to her workshop, muttering under her breath about "daredevil layabouts with no sense of propriety."

Nora emerged from one of the dressing rooms, buttoning up her safari jacket.

The side door flew open and Caitlin and Stuart came running into the backstage area.

"What are you two doing here?" Nora asked.

Caitlin stared at Nora from behind coke-bottle glasses. "Come on, sis, we just wanted to meet Dr. Honeydew and Beaker."

"Did someone say our names?" Bunsen asked as he and Beaker came up from the basement. "Come, join us, you're just in time to assist with our latest project."

"Meep, meep," Beaker nodded.

Caitlin and Stuart high-fived each other. "Thanks, Dr. Honeydew, thanks, Beaker," they chorused.

Nora watched as her two younger twin siblings eagerly followed Bunsen and Beaker down into the lab.

"Come on, Scooter, let's see if we can get that tango taken care of," she said.

"Do we have to?"

"Aw, come on, it means fewer insults thrown our way at the next rehearsal."

Scooter sighed, but took the soundtrack out of the stereo by Kermit's desk (they kept a copy of the soundtrack for rehearsals when the band wasn't available) and followed Nora down to the basement.

This was where they kept the set from the At the Dance segments, with the pale blue backdrop and the crystal chandelier.

Scooter popped the disc into the stereo in the room and pressed 'play.'

The energetic yet vaguely ominous lute and accordion music started to play as Scooter and Nora started to tango across the room.

"How did it go…right, right…two, three, and spin…" Scooter spun Nora out, "and…two, three, two, three…boy, it's a wonder people don't get whiplash doing this."

Nora took on the gruff voice of the guard at Mordred's castle. "You're not from around here, are you, Sir Knight? What's your name?"

Scooter laughed. "Hey, you sounded just like Sweetums." He cleared his throat and delivered Galahad's response. "Er…Sir Richard, of the kingdom of Closter." He and Nora came to a stop and changed direction.

Nora gleefully tossed her head as Scooter dipped her. "Lady Louise, of the kingdom of Elstree," she said in an exaggerated upper crust British accent, "and if you don't let Sir Richard and myself in, my father's court wizard will unleash seven plagues on you."

"I thought it was five plagues and two pestilences of biblical proportions."

"Whatever."

"And I thought the threat included causing all the firstborn males in the court to come down with chronic…"

"You're about to crash us into Gonzo's cannon."

"Huh?" Scooter quickly turned himself and Nora around.

Two bars later, the tango came to an end with Scooter and Nora in the middle of the floor.

"I didn't step on your feet, did I?" Scooter asked.

"No, you didn't." Nora brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

"I'm a certified two-left-footer. Did you take lessons once? You're pretty good."

"Me? Heck no, I've never seen the inside of a dance studio in my life." Nora tossed her braids back over her shoulders.

The music on the stereo gave way to one of the later musical numbers, the melancholy, introspective, mandatory power ballad.

Scooter and Nora looked over at the stereo. "This doesn't come until act two so we don't really…" Nora's voice trailed off as she and Scooter looked back at each other. "Ah, what the heck."

The two started to slow-dance where they stood, but as the music picked up energy, with an electric guitar solo, they actually started to waltz around the room.

This isn't so bad at all, Scooter thought. I actually like this. He suddenly realized that he had his arm wrapped around Nora's waist.

Me too, Nora thought. She realized that she was starting to lean into Scooter's shoulder.

Even Polly would have approved of Scooter and Nora's footwork, but that wouldn't have stopped her from yelling "Wrong foot!" and "I've seen cows more graceful than that!"

------

A figure crept into the canteen. The canteen had an entrance from the outside, and it was probably the one door that the Muppets kept forgetting to lock.

The figure heard music coming from across the hallway. A look through the door on the opposite side showed two teens waltzing (rather gracefully, in sharp contrast to what usually went on onstage) to some of the music from 'A Little Knight Music.'

The figure scowled and took out the little incendiary device, stuck it behind the counter and quietly left.

But wait…there was something else that needed to be done.

The figure took out a little spray bottle, opened the air vent on the wall and started spraying the bottle's contents into the vent.

-----

End of Act Three. And things are going to get a lot more chaotic shortly.

 

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh!! I feel I'm beginning to sound repetative here.
But everything you write is just...perfect in my opinion. Everything...most anyone writes on here is just GREAT! I hope Scooter isn't hurt too bad though!!

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Relax, Renee, Scooter doesn't get hurt in act four. Beyond that, I can't tell you.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

(Little Jerry and the Monotones walk out onto the stage.)

Jerry: First we saw act number one, lots of rainy fun…
Chrissy: Then came number two, with 'Knight' music too…
Richard: Along came act three, a royal sight to see…
Jeffy: And here comes yet one more…this act gives us four!

Monotones: 1,2,3,4, Muppet Newsgirl, tell us more!

Muppet Newsgirl: Thank you boys, thank you. Hang on to your hats, people, this one's a real bang-up act.

Crazy Harry: (popping up out of nowhere) Did someone say bang?

M.N., Monotones and rest of cast: NO!

(Explosion)

M.N.: (cough, choke) Act four, scene one. And someone shoot a tranquilizer dart at Crazy Harry, for Pete's sake!

Act Four, Scene One:

The music came to a slow stop, with Scooter and Nora looking into each other's eyes in typical lovelorn youth style.

"That was fun," Nora smiled. She suddenly lifted her head up and wrinkled her nose. "Is it just me, or does it smell like an open-air fish market in here?"

Scooter sniffed the air and waved one hand in front of his nose. "Maybe Lew Zealand's practicing with his fish again…but they usually don't make that much of a smell…"

The lights blew out as an explosion rocked the theater. A huge cloud of smoke swept into the room. The smoke alarms started to screech and wail.

"What was that?" Nora screamed.

"I'd say it was Crazy Harry. Let's get out of here!" Scooter coughed as he and Nora made a run for the stairs.

The smoke had permeated the backstage area. "Everyone outside NOW!" Kermit yelled over the din of the alarms. "Miss Piggy, forget your purse, you can come back for it later!"

Scooter and Nora found themselves being swept along by a throng of Muppets making their way toward the alley entrance. Miss Piggy, Sam, Wayne and Wanda had handkerchiefs clutched over their faces. What looked like four goggle-eyed Koozebanians were actually Bunsen, Beaker, Caitlin and Stuart in gas masks.

"You tell me…over and over and over again my friend…" Floyd was singing, "You don't believe…we're on the eve of des-truction!"

The cast poured out into the alley.

"Wow. Kermit's always saying that our popularity's exploded, but I didn't think he meant it this way," Fozzie remarked to Gonzo.

Caitlin and Stuart yanked off their gas masks and started fanning themselves.

"Did you two have anything to do with this?" Nora demanded.

Stuart rolled his eyes. "Nora, do you have to blame every single explosion and mishap on us?"

"Yeah, sis, you're so paranoid you oughta go to work for the CIA," Caitlin added.

"I resent that, Caitlin," Nora muttered.

"Now, Nora, your siblings were assisting us with our latest project, and doing a very good job of it, too," Bunsen said lightly. "The explosion came from elsewhere in the theater."

"Meep, meep…" Beaker said.

Everyone stood back and watched as the firefighters came in and checked over whatever damage there might have been.

"Nothing burned, Kermit," Rowlf said a short time later. "But they found a high-powered smoke bomb of some kind in the canteen."

Scooter took off his glasses and wiped the fog and soot off of them. As he did so, he realized something.

Crazy Harry wasn't there that day. He was out of town at a Pyromaniacs Anonymous meeting.

So if it wasn't Crazy Harry…who was it?

------

That evening, up in his room, Scooter found himself unable to concentrate on his guitar practice. His fingers kept slipping off the frets as he wormed his way through "The Sound of Silence."

"But my words…like silent raindrops fell…and…" Scooter hit yet another wrong chord. He took his hand off the frets and slapped his forehead in weary disgust. He had learned this song from Paul Simon himself when he appeared on the show, for the love of Lord Grade!

He looked down at his guitar. He'd have to put new strings on it eventually. With a sigh, he set it back in its case.

As he came downstairs, Skeeter ran out of the kitchen into the living room, holding a large bowl of peanut butter and garlic popcorn. She vaulted over the back of the sofa, landed with a thump on "her" side and grabbed the remote.

Skeeter didn't show worry or fear as easily as her brother did. She was just as worried as he was about the smoke bomb; she just didn't show it.

"Come on, Scooter, the concert starts in a few minutes!" she called as she switched on the television and set it to channel 6. That night, Little Jerry and the Monotones were doing a televised show from the Maury Amphitheater.

Scooter climbed over the back of the sofa and sat down on his side. He took a handful of popcorn from the bowl and munched on it.

On the screen, the Monotones were taking the stage amid the energetic screams of a thousand spectators.

Jerry scooped up his guitar. "All right, guys, let's ring up the Telephone Rock!"

-----

"We interrupt for a Muppet News Flash," said the voice of the Muppet Newsman about twenty minutes into the concert.

Skeeter nearly spat out her mouthful of popcorn. "Hey, no fair, they were just about to do 'Danger!'"

The Newsman appeared on the screen, the teletype going at full tilt in the background, even though the media relied mainly on computers to bring in news wires these days.

"Twenty people had to be rushed to the hospital earlier today in a suspected case of mass food poisoning," the Newsman said. "The Not-So-Little Theater on the corner of Henson Street and Lazer Lane was placed on lockdown after its cast suddenly fell ill. Our own Alotta Hogwash is live at the scene with a report."

Skeeter and Scooter leaned forward, frowning.

"Mr. Juhl, can you tell us what happened?" Alotta Hogwash asked.

"Well…we were rehearsing for (ulp) tomorrow's adaptation of Hamlet, called (gulp) 'Elsinore Street Blues.' We had a lunch break, and (ulp, gulp) afterwards people started feeling really, really…" Mr. Juhl suddenly clamped his hand over his mouth and ran offscreen. There was the sound of something splatting all over the pavement. Alotta made a face.

"Mr. Juhl, will the show go on as planned?"

"No…" More splatting.

-----

At her house, Nora was also watching the news.

"In other news, the Grade Avenue Theater has had to be closed for renovation. A water main leaked all over the theater, damaging the stage and audience areas, as well the costumes, scenery, props and scripts for the theater's upcoming production of 'Orpheus and Eurydice.'"

The on-scene reporter appeared on the screen, discussing the incident. In the background, someone could be heard yelling, "It's your fault! You said the seven-letter M word during rehearsals yesterday!"

"You mean Macbeth?"

"Don't say it again!" There came the sound of a hand coming into contact with a face at high velocity.

The director snorted. "It's terrible, you know. We needed all sorts of special props for this show, and that mock-up of the Fillmore East we had built…we just can't up and move the play, we'd have to wait for the theater to be repaired."

One of the actors trudged up, with a bright red palm print on his face. "Yeah, and aired out, too. It smelled like my brother's fish tank in there!"

Behind the reporter, Nora could see someone taking a good long look at the burst water main. The person looked very familiar, for some reason.

"The police believe that the two incidents are the work of the Killer Fish, who has conducted similar attacks on area theaters in the last two months," the Newsman said.

At the words 'Killer Fish,' Nora sat straight up. The Killer Fish?

"Nora?" Heather looked up from her picture book and tugged at Nora's sleeve. "You look scared, big sis."

"Yeah, Nora, you look like a zombie. What's wrong?" Caitlin asked laconically as she glanced up from her science homework.

"Nothing. It's nothing, Cait," Nora said in an unusually hollow voice. Caitlin shrugged and went back to her chapter on photosynthesis.

------

Back at the Grosse/Hunt house, the news gave way to the Monotones concert.

This time, Scooter and Skeeter weren't watching with rapt attention. They were thinking.

Skeeter began counting on her fingers. "The fire at the Jane Nebel…the vandalism at the Louise Gold…the flood at the Grade…the food poisoning at the Not-So-Little Theater…"

Scooter remembered the smoke bomb that had gone off while he and Nora were practicing the ball scene in the basement.

The Killer Fish…Scooter clearly remembered the foul smell of dead fish hanging in the air right before the bomb went off.

Skeeter picked up the remote and adjusted the volume as the band launched into 'With Every Beat of My Heart.' She looked over at her brother. "What do you think, Scooter…Scooter?"

Scooter didn't say anything.

He was thinking about the other theater fires (and floods and hack-jobs), and how much damage they had caused.

"He's going to try again," Scooter said in a low voice.

The look on Skeeter's face told him that she had been thinking the exact same thing the whole time.