Sesame Clerks
(show Ernie & Bert are at counter. Bert is lying on it and
Ernie is sitting with salsa, moving the nacho around like
jaws)
ERNIE: Dun dun...dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun...Salsa
shark...HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! We’re gonna need a bigger boat!
MUSIC: “Sesame Street Theme Song”
NARRATOR: Throughout history, they have been a part of our
lives on Sesame Street. Muppets who have made it a mission
to serve their fellow Muppet. Don’t you think it’s time they
get their own movie?
MONTAGE OVER NARRATION: Show picture of Mr. Hooper’s store,
then a ‘Open’ sign changing to ‘Closed’, then putting
newspapers in a crate, then Bert putting on coffee, then
taking 25 cents from cash register, then show him at the
counter, then he puts his head on the table
TITLE: Sesame Clerks
(show Ernie & Bert at counter)
ERNIE: This job would be great if it wasn’t for the
customers.
BERT: I don’t bother them and they don’t bother me.
ERNIE: I could do without the people at the video store.
(show Elmo in front of movies at video Store)
ELMO: Elmo wants that one with that guy who was in the
movie that was out last year!
(back at counter)
BERT: You should hear the barrage of stupid questions I
get.
(show Blue AM with coffee in hand)
BLUE AM: What do you mean there’s no ice? You mean I gotta
drink this coffee hot?
(back at counter)
ERNIE: You’d feel a **** of alot better if you’d just rip
into the occassional customer.
(then show Ernie spitting water in Blue AM’s face)
(show Ernie doing a funky walk through the door, while the
voiceover of Bert says “Ernie, you’re a clerk, paid to do a
job. You can’t just do anything you want while you’re
working!”)
MUSIC: Bad Religion “Leaders & Followers”
(show sign that says “Temporarily Closed. Be opened after
first period”)
(show Blue AM is seen in bird’s eye view. He’s looking up at
them)
BLUE AM: Hey you guys open?
(show Bert and Oscar the Grouch)
BERT & OSCAR: NO!!!
(show Ernie and Bert with hockey sticks as if their playing,
very briefly because im running low on puppets)
(show Bert pulling a Pringle’s tube off the blue AM’s hand)
(then show Kermit is in between Ernie & Bert)
KERMIT: What kind of convenient store do you run here?
MUSIC: Soul Asylum “Can’t Even Tell”
NARRATOR: Sesame Workshop presents
(Betty Lou & Bert are on the floor behind counter and
Bert is leaning on Prairie.)
BETTY: Do you think anyone can see us down here?
BERT: Why? Do you wanna have sex or something?
BETTY: Can we?
TITLE: Sesame Clerks
NARRATOR: Sesame Clerks! Just because they give you a sunny
day and sweep the clouds away, doesn’t mean they like you.
SCENE 11: Bert & Ernie are at counter
BERT: You hate people!
ERNIE: But I love gatherings. Isn’t it ironic?
TITLE/NARRATOR: Featuring music by - Chrissy & The
Alphabeats, Little Jerry & The Monotones, Don Music, How Now
Brown & The Moo Wave, and Mick Swagger & The Cobble Stones.