And If That Diamond Ring Turns Brass (Tinseltown)

[RedPiggy]

Lena grabbed the Cosmopolitan from Bobby as they sat at the bar, both of them struggling to stay upright. “So,” she said finally, gulping down some of his drink before placing it on the counter, “you think you have it all figured out, do you?”

Bobby nodded. “Yep.” He grabbed her by her arm, making her flinch a little. “Ssssamson has too much self-esteem to do what … needs to get done … to get our fam’ly back,” he slurred. He proudly patted his chest. “I, on the other hand, have … absolutely no self-esteem.”

“Don’t keep beating yourself up, Bobby,” she replied, smiling (though due to drink or friendliness was anyone’s guess). “You did what had to be done. Zat is all anyone can ever ‘ope to do.”

Bobby stared longingly at the drink Lena had taken from him. She was right, though … he needed to be able to stumble out of the bar. Tonight was too important.

There was a knock on the door. It opened, revealing Bobby standing there in an Armani suit, clearing his throat and adjusting his tie.

“What do YOU want?” growled the female voice inside the dressing room.

“I didn’t know who else to contact,” Bobby began more forcefully than he wanted. “I … I … I need help.”

“I’ve been telling vous that for YEARS, Vegan.”

Bobby sighed. “Look, I’ve got a kid. I don’t want him to get hurt.” His voice started to waiver as he slowly entered the room and shut the door behind him. “I’ve been keeping all the youtube comments hidden from him.”


“And at some time this year there’s going to be a POINT?”

Bobby glared at her. “YES, you hypocritical witch, you,” he growled. “The POINT is that I posted our wedding videos on the internet, and some of the comments were,” he hung his head, “less than complimentary, to say the least. I don’t think Foster’s safe anymore. I need to talk to Jenny … in PERSON.”

“Why didn’t you just mapquest her address?”

“Because it’s not LISTED, that’s why,” he snapped. “And I didn’t want any record at the house about where I was going.” He scoffed and averted his eyes, staring at the multiple awards and posters displayed on the walls. “I guess it was too much to ask that my wedding engender the same sort of fuzzy warm feelings yours did,” he told her wistfully.

A long pause followed. Finally, “It didn’t stay that way long.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow.

She continued, “He wanted to teach me a lesson. I went to my accountant to change my tax paperwork, and he said the license was declared forged.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “No one else knows, Vegan. Got that? I thought deception was the only way to get him to say yes, and he turned it back on me.” She stood up, frowning. “NO ONE knows about this, right, Vegan? Not even the kid. It would KILL him.”

“I … I had … no idea,” Bobby gasped, holding one hand on his heart in shock.

“So, why should I help vous keep YOUR relationship, when I can’t keep MINE?”

Bobby smirked. “Because we scratch each other’s backs, that’s why.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Help me with this, and your chances in Hollywood will light up again,” he told her. “Deny me, and what little snowball’s chance you have will be kissed good-bye of getting him to warm back up to you.” He stepped closer, glaring at her menacingly. “I can be Cupid, Love Angel of Mercy, or I can be Paul Revere, Messenger of Destruction. Your choice, toots.”

 

[The Count]

WOOT! This was the curveball I hexpected out of you. The subterfuge encapsulated in the conversation between Vegan and the other woman is brilliant. Cupid or Paul Revere huh? Guess he doesn't know both of those figures are already part of the Muppet cast. Cupid helped Bobo fall in love with Cinderella Crawfordopollis (Cindy Crawford); and Paul Revear is one of the Muppet horses. BTW: He could play to both mercy or destructive revenge as Cupid... That little guy has the golden arrows that trigger luvy-dovey feelings, yes. But he has lead-tipped shafts that cause disinterest or even loathing betwixt two people.

Thanks for the update, it was worth the wait.

 

[RedPiggy]

Part of the reason I haven't been using chapter titles this time around is that I haven't really felt the characters were gelling with me yet. I've basically just been writing scenes knowing that I want to work to get Bobby and Samson back together in happily wedded bliss. However, I think I've got the major gists now. Samson is SO passive-aggressive he is hypocritical criticizing Bobby. Foster and the "Patient" must work together to solve their problems, which are incredibly similar. Bobby is willing to "debase" himself by asking for help from someone already hinted at in this fic and is a spin on a scene in Act 2 of Comeback. I didn't believe that Foster should be the only one trying to fix things, but until recently, I didn't "feel" the others enough to know what they would do.

So, there are at least three relationships affected underneath the title of this fic:

1. Bobby and Samson (duh)
2. "Patient" and her lost love
3. "Flashback female character" and her back-stabbing beau (and for any of you who've guessed who this couple is, I stand by this current and final explanation of how the marriage crumbled, as I don't see this as OOC at all)

EDIT: And I didn't know Cupid and Paul Revere were Muppets.

 

[RedPiggy]

Jenny walked along the Brooklyn Bridge, stopping every now and again to spot little boats float by underneath. She really had no business in Brooklyn … she just wanted to take a walk before group.

She had only recently started going. Foster’s unwillingness to enjoy her company may have been something she perhaps deserved … but it still hurt. She had given him up for adoption, but she did care about him. She cared enough to let Bobby and Samson have a family who could give him the attention her son needed. She hadn’t really expected Foster to like his name (she thought it was rather insulting), but he did. He truly enjoyed being with them.

Later, she entered the small therapist’s office. The secretary nodded towards the door. Entering a medium-sized room, Jenny found a circle of small chairs. She was usually the first (human) there, but she discovered she was not alone this time. She couldn’t help gasping in shock as she spotted a thin pale woman with short reddish-brown hair, dressed in a T-shirt and raggedy jean shorts. The woman turned and smiled condescendingly.

“I bet seeing me here just brightens your day,” she announced snarkily.

Jenny stared at her for a few moments before finally figuring out how to work her mouth again. “Uh … no, I’m just … uh … ‘group therapy’ just didn’t seem like your cup of tea.”

The woman nodded and chuckled. “If the therapist weren’t so cheap, I’d never have agreed to show up.” She inhaled deeply. “So, how is ‘The Investment That Got Away’?”

Jenny sat down beside her. “Rachel,” she began softly, “I’m sorry.”

Rachel’s eyes widened. “What do you mean you’re sorry?”

“It means I apologize,” Jenny told her as though speaking to a toddler. “I was rude.”

“I wasn’t rather constructive myself,” she noted, staring at the far wall. She laughed. “Everything I thought would be a financial disaster became a rousing success – and everything I preferred turned to dust before my eyes. Real estate was where the money was, back in the good ol’ days. The only comfort I get is to know that every bank in the district got slapped with the same government knock-down. Makes me feel like I’m not the only failure.” She sighed, turning back to Jenny. “So – what does Little Miss Optimist need with mandated therapy?”

Jenny shook her head. “My son hates me.”

Rachel gawked at her. “I didn’t think your womb stretched for anyone,” she said.

Jenny shot a deadly glance at her. “Aren’t you here to work on your attitude?” she asked with clenched jaw.

Rachel shrugged. “How old is he? Does he find your perfection as irritating as I do?”

Jenny stood up and started pacing, frowning. “Christ, Rachel – I gave him up for adoption, okay? He’s eighteen and he blames me for all of his problems.” She pointed at the other woman angrily. “Does that make you happy?”

Rachel smiled warmly. “If I said ‘yes’, would you hold it against me? Jenny, you told me all I had to do was believe and great things would come my way. Can’t you grasp in your enlightened mind that I believed in greatness – and I’m behind on my payments and my bank has declared bankruptcy. Do you know what it’s like to be told of dreams and optimism and see it work for others and when you try it – it blows up in your face? You gave up that kid of yours willingly. I got my dreams stolen from me. I want them back, Jen,” she continued sadly. She paused for several moments. “All of them.”

<><><><><><>

The patient stared, frowning, at the whimsical water fountain in a small courtyard. It showed six slender stone pixies dancing and playing music around a bronze bouquet of flowers which showered them in lighted water. Foster had gone home for the day. At long last, she was able to walk on her own again. She would be discharged soon, she had been told.

An athletic-looking dark-skinned nurse with emerald tips on her black hair sat down on a bench beside her and sighed dreamily at the water fountain. “Lovely, isn’t it?” she asked the patient.

“Frustrating,” was the cold response.

“I love your outfit,” the nurse cheerfully noted.

“It’s a hospital gown,” the patient grumbled.

“Still it looks better than these old green scrubs of mine,” the nurse retorted. “I might have to dig up some gowns and make some scrubs from ‘em.”

The patient stared at her. Suddenly, she was thrust into darkness. She flailed and kicked, feeling as though she were falling into the depths of nothingness.

When she awoke, she found herself sitting in a cheap chair, one among many in a large green park, all facing a large stage. A flashy banner saying “Class of 1980” stretched across the stage. Students, all in their late teens she thought to herself, filed happily across the stage as their names were read. When the valedictorian was announced, a young woman sprinted across the stage, her long reddish-brown hair swaying in the breeze.

The student smiled proudly at the audience as she took the podium. “Ladies and gentlemen, I worked hard to get where I am today. I surpassed my entire class. The rest of you lazy bums can’t hold a candle to me when it comes to work ethic. You let your hippie parents coddle you and after graduation you’ll be losing quarters to that awful game where the rotund little yellow thing gobbles everything in sight. That’s how you’ll be – fattening yourselves up in snack foods, bewailing your fate.”

The patient smirked initially, thinking that this student was definitely going somewhere with her tirade. But as the list of insults grew longer, and the academic-types started shifting uncomfortably, she realized that this young woman was just a crude, arrogant, snotty little brat. She stood up to leave in disgust.

“But it doesn’t have to be that way,” the student continued. “Failure is only something that happens to you if you give up.” The patient stopped and started looking at the student again. She noticed the student glance at her directly and smile. “I thought, just like some of you, that I would never amount to anything, but I found someone out there who proved me wrong. Each of us has someone like that … a role model we may not even have to meet in order to become inspired by them. I’m lucky to have met mine,” she added softly.

After the ceremony the student approached the patient, who had found herself milling around, though she didn’t know why.

“I am a certified valedictorian! Can you believe it, MM?”

“’MM’”?

“Yeah, like the candy? I love those things ….”

“I’m happy for you,” the patient told her, smiling. “I’m sure you deserved it.”

The student scoffed, offended (somewhat). “Dang straight I deserved it! If you hadn’t helped me out, I never would have made it.” She sighed and slapped the patient on her shoulder. “So, where are we going tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“Um … yeah, MM.” She placed her hands on her hips and scowled. “You forgot to rent the limo, didn’t you?”

The patient’s eyes widened slightly. “We’re riding in a limo. I remember now,” she said in a flash of recognition.

The student hugged the patient tightly. “You didn’t forget!”

The patient suddenly found herself sitting on the bench in the hospital courtyard. The nurse was standing over her, shining a pen light into her eyes. “Are you okay?”

The patient shooed her away. “I remember going to a high school graduation,” she reported. “It was 1980. I think I was tutoring some student.”

“1980, huh?” the nurse asked dryly. “Must be some kinda memory. You’re definitely in your early thirties. I bet you’re not even thirty-five yet. Do the math.”

“But I was an adult,” the patient protested. “We were going to celebrate her graduation!”

The nurse smiled and backed away a couple of steps. “Do you remember her name?”

The patient shook her head, frustrated. “She called me MM,” she whispered softly.

 

[RedPiggy]

“I thought we had a deal!” squealed Bobby that night at Lena’s house. Lena was out partying so that Bobby could have a private conversation. Across from him, a curvy porcine diva with slightly curled blonde hair reclined on a chaise.

She daintily chewed on some licorice. “I have explained it to vous several times already, Bobby,” she told him in a melodious voice. “I do not require your assistance in my private matters.” She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Besides, I did what you asked – I told you where to meet Jenny. That was last year, and my perfect polliwog and I have been getting along just swimmingly.”

Bobby snorted in disbelief, rubbing his forehead. “I don’t believe this! I need your help!”

“I don’t need yours, and that’s your problem, Vegan.”

“Piggy --.”

Miss Piggy stood up and waved dismissively at him. “I loosened my leash. That made Kermie trust me more. I appreciate your advice, but you’re the third wheel here.”

“What about your marriage?” he shouted. “If we don’t act now, this won’t just be a problem for the rainbow crowd. Humans are so freakin’ self-absorbed at the moment that soon you and I’ll be eating swill out of some trough because we don’t look like stretched-out hairless chimpanzees!”

“I’m not Bono,” Miss Piggy retorted in a huff. “I don’t go around pretending my celebrity will influence government.”

“So you’re going to just sit back and do nothing because your face is on a dozen magazines?” Bobby snarled.

Piggy nodded. “I realized that I got what I wanted after all,” she replied calmly. “I was married in a church setting and a real priest blessed us. What more I can ask for?”

“Oh, I dunno, legitimacy?” His voice kept getting louder and louder.

“The government doesn’t have a problem with non-humans marrying. I told you the real reason we’re not legal. This is not our fight,” she retorted with clenched teeth.

Bobby stared at her in awe. After several minutes, he said finally, “You really do just step on whomever you like to get to the top, don’t you?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I seem to recall a depressed little pig, crying in Hicksville because humans had laughed at her.” Bobby pointed at her. “If you don’t help me, by God I’ll continue this story.”

“I won that contest because I was simply the most beautiful,” Piggy replied confidently.

Bobby’s lower lip quivered. “You won,” he hissed, “because Bergen couldn’t say no to a hundred-dollar bill.”

Piggy clenched her gloved fists so tightly they might bleed. “You’re lying,” she growled.

“I made you, Piggy,” he shot back darkly, squinting his eyes. “I was the one who broke you through the straw ceiling. You owe me.”

 

[Beauregard]

RedPiggy...I officially love this story. It's interesting, and gritty in a way. Unafraid to go where others wouldn't. Foster is fascinating. And so is M&M. I loved the scene with Bobby and Piggy (Also love that she calls him by his last name.) I've always found Samson a fascinating character design, and like him in this story too.

Looking forward to more of it in the future!

 

[The Count]

*Shocked to find someone other than self actually replying to this. Shocked, shocked.

You should read her Comeback King epic as there are two scenes there this ties into. Yes, two. Don't think I didn't catch MM's memory with the graduation connecting with that bit about Rachael and Moulin. Please post more in honor of becoming our newest SM Kelly.

 

[RedPiggy]

*Shocked to find someone other than self actually replying to this.

Heh, I know, right? My heart skipped a beat when my email alert told me I had a new reviewer!

RedPiggy...I officially love this story. It's interesting, and gritty in a way. Unafraid to go where others wouldn't. Foster is fascinating. And so is M&M. I loved the scene with Bobby and Piggy (Also love that she calls him by his last name.) I've always found Samson a fascinating character design, and like him in this story too.

Thanks. I felt so frustrated at the beginning, because there was only a brief pilot to work from. Most people usually say Tinseltown was too stereotypical or, on a related note, it was a one-note production. Well, yeah, it was ... but I still feel that had it been allowed to grow, we would have seen something perhaps similar to this.

The hardest part is keeping this story, um, suitable. You're right ... I don't shy away from the issues involved, but some of the comedy seemed to spring from certain types of scenes ... but I don't like writing those, no matter who's in bed. I try to keep it like the Sinclairs and the Gorgs, who obviously "enjoy themselves" just about every episode, but it's only alluded to.
I was worried Foster, who had absolutely no lines in the pilot whatsoever, would be one-note, and I don't want him to be Toby, either, but I think I've found a good characterization for him.

I put MM (Moulin Moraine, the name she goes by when in our world) in this story because her fate was supposed to go in an epilogue scene in Comeback -- and I forgot. However, considering her romantic life, I figured heck, why not? Bring her over here, where she can parallel the others. I'm still debating the ending of the story. I'm afraid wrapping it up like a fairy tale would seem too unrealistic. I was kinda hoping news of real-world issues would help me out, but nothing really stands out yet. I admired Avenue Q's ending, where some characters' dreams came true, and others' didn't.

I kept Piggy unnamed for awhile, only hinting that Bobby knew her (and Link, ahem), primarily because writing the Muppets aren't really my strong suit, as I just don't seem the "zany" type. Oh, yeah, I can write them with jokes and with serious moments, but Theprawncracker is an example of how I wish I could write them, but I just can't. I guess I'm just introspective, as I hear I'm incredibly funny IRL, but I write when I need to explore my inner workings, and I treat that far more seriously. I did know, though, that I wanted Bobby to be bitter about Piggy because he started her career, much like Bernie started Kermit's, and she is a famous diva while he's a has-been. That's one element of Bobby's character that wasn't really mentioned on the pilot, but I think it fleshes him out more ... that it isn't JUST his orientation that reveals just how unfair the world is. I want to come up with a similar "big moment" for Samson, but I'm still thinking about it.

You should read her Comeback King epic as there are two scenes there this ties into. Yes, two.

I count at least three:
1. Bobby meeting the Muppets at the Theater.
2. The limo flashback between Moulin and Rachel. (This fic will also attempt to fix a problem I didn't really recognize when writing Comeback. In Return to Labyrinth, Moulin looks roughly 5-7 years old in 1986 [okay, the movie doesn't date itself that specifically -- I just used the movie release date]. However, I used Joan's real birthday [1962] and did the math, and she graduated high school when Moulin would have been an infant or toddler. Whoops.)
3. The dark-skinned "nurse" with the green scrubs and green-highlighted hair (as opposed to totally green hair, which I KNOW would never pass in a real workplace) alludes to who hid Moulin at the end of her battle. You might note that I didn't use italics for the "flashback" -- because it may not BE a flashback at all....

I've definitely been watching way too much LOST lately.

 

[The Count]

Oh-ho! Ding-dong, I'm wrong. Now I know who that nurse is... But I won't spoil it for anyone else reading along. I kinda have a habit of that sometimes. Heh, I've fallen a bit behind with my current TV faves like Smallville and Bacugon, the latter because it's up against Yugio 5-D. And I can't find RPM anywhere. At least I've got good fics like this to keep me going. Post when you can and just listen to your inner self as to how it should end. Listening, after all, is the first step...

 

[RedPiggy]

The frustrating thing is that I could almost HEAR the Gorgs, the Fraggles, the Labyrinth folk, and the Dinosaurs when I wrote their respective stories ... but listening for Tinseltown is so much harder.