Hey kiddles! Sorry for the lateness. Here is your Monday on a Monday afternoon.
Three days in a hospital isn’t anyone’s idea of fun, but Fozzie had to admit that it could’ve been much, much worse. He had been visited by just about everyone in the Muppets, even people he couldn’t remember being in the Muppets; Gary and Mary had called him on day three, apologizing for not calling sooner, while a few Hollywood stars had contacted him, including Kathy Griffin, Whoopi Goldberg, Ellen DeGeneres, Dave Grohl, along with fellow standup comics Chris Hardwick, Tina Fey, and Conan O’Brien.
Day three was also the day that some of Fozzie’s memories started coming back; oh, he remembered leaving the house and the drive to the studios and even the stunned look from the other driver right before their cars collided. However, he didn’t remember anything until he had awoken with Kermit, Gonzo, and Piggy standing around his bed; now, he vaguely remembered being rescued, but that was as far as it went. Day three also gave him a little more movement in his right arm, though it still hurt to raise it or move it further than he wanted.
Day four was when it all changed, for better and worse.
On day four, Fozzie gained a new nurse, who was replacing the one who had been watching him as he recovered. His other nurse, whose name he had completely forgotten, had been nice if not a bit stern on him for constantly moving around. That day began like any other, with the comic bear waking up to realize he was still in his own little private room and that he really was in the hospital.
Within the hour, Dr. Fitz and another nurse walked in to check on him. “Top of the morning, Mr. Bear!” greeted the doctor, however Fozzie’s eyes and mind were on the other person – the nurse who had come in with him. She was a petite bear, a slightly darker brown than he was, with short raven hair and grey eyes. “I know how much you enjoyed Flo’s company,” Fitz was saying. “But I think Penny here will take just as good of care of you as Flo did.”
“Penny?” Fozzie croaked.
“That’s my name,” she responded, smiling brightly at him. “Don’t wear it out, though it sounds like you’ll wear yourself out if you don’t get some water. You have been drinking water, haven’t you?”
“Wha?” he mumbled. Clearing his throat hastily, he stumbled with, “Water? Oh yeah, I’ve…I’ve been drinking it, of course I have!”
“Sure,” she chuckled. Both the new nurse and the doctor set about checking the comic’s vitals, his chart, his injuries, and other things to make sure that he was continuing the healing process.
“Well,” the doctor began. “The good news is that you can probably start some light physical therapy on that shoulder. The bad news is that you’re gonna be stuck in bed until at least the end of the week, but on a good note, you should be able to get up and roll around a bit. That leg is still healing up, but another week and I think you should be able to get on crutches and hobble out of here.”
“Really?” Fozzie asked, his face lighting up. “That’s great!”
“Hold on a minute,” Penny replied. “I’ve seen that look on a patient’s face before. You’ll be able to be up and about, but don’t think for a moment that you’ll be back on stage performing.”
The happiness that the comic had immediately deflated; that was essentially what he had been hoping for. “Aw,” the nurse cooed, patting him on his uninjured leg. “I’m sure the others are lost without you. We’ll get you back up and running for the masses soon, okay?”
Fozzie could only smile and nod, dreamily.
While Fozzie was being entranced with Penny the nurse, Scooter was out having lunch with Amanda Grant. Grant had been a co-worker of his when he still worked at Google; the two had danced around their attraction to each other while there, but hadn’t acted on it. Before long, Amanda had gone to Boston and Scooter had gone back to the Muppets; it was right before their latest movie – the one Scooter had written and that Piggy had directed – when Amanda had surprised them both by coming back to LA.
On impulse, and learning that you could never let things lie for long, Scooter had invited her to dinner and the private screening before release. The two had been together ever since.
On this day, the two were dining out at a little bistro that Scooter would sometimes frequent with either Kermit or on the rare occasion, Piggy. The weather was fine outside, with the sun high in the sky, and a light breeze that blew across the skin pleasantly; because of that, both red heads decided to eat outside on the patio.
“Have I mentioned how happy I am that you decided to stay?” remarked the page, placing his hand on hers.
“Not today, you haven’t,” she quipped. Leaning over and stealing a kiss, Amanda smiled at him. “Have I told you how very kissable you are?”
Scooter smiled in response, a slight blush rising to his face. He wasn’t quite use to the attention she gave him, but he certainly enjoyed it. “Not today,” he replied, leaning over for another and longer kiss.
Sighing in joy and with a squeeze to his hand, Amanda sat back, contently. “Thanks for seeing me today.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” asked the page.
Amanda just looked at him. “C’mon Grosse,” she said, leaning over to whisper to him. “I know you’ve been on edge with Fozzie in the hospital.”
Amanda may not have spent a lot of time with the Muppets, but she could see how having one of them in the hospital had shaken everyone up. And she definitely didn’t blame them; if someone she loved had been in an accident, she would’ve been out of her skin too. Scooter just smiled, shyly; he had yet to have a girlfriend that haven’t been scared off, intimidated, or repulsed by his friends and family and Amanda Grant was showing him that there were girls out there who could love him and the group just for who they are.
After he and Rowlf had made sure that everyone knew Fozzie was okay and when they themselves had been told by Kermit, Gonzo, and Piggy that Fozzie was alright, Scooter had immediately gone over to Amanda’s apartment and broke down. It had been the sudden shock of knowing Fozzie had been hurt, then realizing just how hurt, and the horrible thoughts of ‘what if?’ that had taken their toll on the young Muppet.
“Sorry about the other night,” he whispered. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean…”
“Scooter,” she said. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I’m only happy to help and I hope I did.”
Taking her hand in his hand, he said, “You did. I don’t think you realize just how much.”
“If it puts those other girls to shame, then I’m all for it.”
“You are something else, Grant.”
The two continued with their flirty banter, while waiting for their orders. Now that Fozzie was obviously out of danger and would soon be back among the loonies, Scooter felt himself relax. That week’s show would be easy, as Fozzie hadn’t made any plans for a monologue or any sketches that would feature him; he and Kermit were still discussing if they should tell the viewing public about what had happened, but the page had managed to talk his boss out of it.
They could put it off this week, but maybe mention it next week, when it would be clear that Fozzie would be coming home in a few short weeks.
Thursdays weren’t particularly exciting, for the Muppets at least, so it meant that Scooter had the entire day to spend with his new love and he was hoping to broach the subject of them being completely exclusive. In fact, as their eating slowed and plates began to be cleared away, the assistant was thinking about that very thing; Amanda must have known something was coming because when Scooter moved his chair over, she instinctively also moved closer to him.
“So, I’ve been thinking…”
“That would explain the smoke,” she joked.
“Oh very cute,” he replied.
“I am that.”
“More than that,” he cooed, going to kiss her cheek. Before his lips had begun to pucker however, his attention was taken by something else.
Or rather, someone else.
The Muppet sitting across the way at an adjacent table was reading some tabloid rag that one often finds while checking out at the supermarket and while Scooter didn’t care about where the Muppet had gotten it or even what the tabloid was, he did care about the headline story that was plastered on the front page. Pulling away slightly from his girl, Scooter squinted at the newsprint from where they sat, trying to decide if what he was seeing was truly what he was seeing.
“What?” Amanda asked. “What is it?”
“I’m not sure yet,” he mumbled, standing from his chair and walking over to the Muppet in question. “Excuse me,” he asked, taping the beige Muppet on the shoulder. “I’m sorry to bother you, but could I see that for a second?”
“Oh sure,” the Muppet replied, closing the magazine and handing it over. “I got caught reading it when I stopped in the store and ended paying for it. Some of those stories, right?”
“Right,” Scooter nodded, distractedly. He quickly flipped it to the front page and his worst fears were confirmed in large print and image.
MUPPETS FOZZIE BEAR DEAD IN CAR ACCIDENT
Muppet Comic Latest in Career Ending Tragedies as Car Accident Ends His; No Word from Fellow Muppets
“Hey man,” the beige Muppet whispered, tapping Scooter on the hip. “That’s not true, is it? I mean, you work with the Muppets, don’t you? Fozzie’s not…?”
Shaken from his own shock, Scooter turned to the customer, and thought about using the type of face he had learned to use when speaking to media or lawyers he didn’t like, but had to deal with, however seeing as the fellow seemed genuinely worried, the page smiled sincerely at him. “Fozzie’s fine,” he said. Pointing to the rag, he continued with, “Like you said, some stories. If anything had happened, believe me, I’d of known well before this came out.”
The other Muppet actually seemed to sag in relief. “That’s good to hear,” he sighed. “I love that guy. He’s so funny!”
“Just for you, dude,” Scooter said. “I’ll see him later today and tell him you said that. You’re in here a bit, right? Next time I see you, I’ll try to remember to get you some tickets, if you want.”
“Oh wow, dude!” the Muppet exclaimed. “Thanks so much!”
“Thanks for this,” Scooter said. “Actually, I only need it for a second, so I can give it back…”
The beige Muppet literally blew a raspberry at the paper. “Any paper that says that about my favorite comic, doesn’t deserve a ride in my car a second time,” he said. “I’d say keep it, but instead I’ll tell you to burn it when you’re done.”
Scooter nodded his thanks again before returning to the table he shared with Amanda. Not saying a word, he put the mag down on the table before pulling out his phone and starting a text to someone.
“Oh no,” the second red head whispered.
“Yeah,” Scooter seconded. Moving his phone over the magazine, he quickly snapped a picture and hit send.
ANDY WESTSIDE: We’ve got a problem
While Scooter and Amanda were finding a wrench in the hardware, the above mentioned Divine Miss P was visiting with the assumed to be dead comic bear in his hospital room. While Kermit had wanted to keep close tabs on his favorite best friend bear, he had other engagements to attend to, such as how to handle a Muppet Show with their featured comic.
Certainly, they had done shows without a good majority of their players, but missing one week was completely different from missing several, especially when they hadn’t made any announcements about Fozzie’s absence as of yet. Piggy, as she wont to do when Kermit wasn’t around to stop her, took her position as leading lady and thus queen bee seriously and if it meant that she alone would need to visit Fozzie in her frog’s stead, that’s what she would do.
To the outside world, it may have appeared that Piggy wasn’t partial to anyone in the group that wasn’t a frog; as much as she trusted and loved Scooter, even they could have their ups and downs. However, to their little inner circle, Piggy was as loyal as the others and they were loyal to her; she and Fozzie rarely shared scenes or skits together, but having a stake in one Kermit the Frog as well as being members of the troupe he headed, meant that the two of them were practically around each other, all the time.
But as with most of the relationships that made up the group, decades of knowing someone helped to forge friendships where none would have existed if not for the close association.
“Hey Piggy, you gonna sign my cast?”
“I’m gonna sign it ‘the worst comic ever!’”
“Aw, c’mon, be a brick! Sign something nice.”
“I will sign whatever I decide to sign, Bear.”
Piggy of course indulged him by signing his cast, with a purple marker in order to stand out against the Mayhem, who had signed in black (with exception to Janice, whose multicolored rainbow art had been her signature). She did make a point to hide it from him and even then, he had to literally wiggle around to even read what she wrote.
“I hope it was something nice,” he said, watching as she came back around to his side.
Thumping him on his good leg with the marker, she replied, “I wrote dirty words in French.”
Glaring at her, Fozzie was primed with a comeback when the door opened and Penny, his new nurse, walked in. “Hey Fozzie,” she greeted. “Sorry, didn’t know you had company.”
If this had been any other person, Piggy would’ve delivered a chop to remember. No one upstaged Miss Piggy; they could try, but they would never succeed. However, she reminded herself, this was a special case and getting more and more special by the minute. Focusing on another pretty face was one thing, forgetting she was there was something else entirely.
“I understand that dear, sweet Fozzie has been under some heavy medications,” Piggy began. “So I’ll take his lapse in manners as part of his hospital stay. I am, of course, Miss Piggy.”
“Oh, no introduction needed, Miss Piggy,” the nurse said, smiling. “I think everyone knows who you are and if they don’t, they obviously don’t have any sense.”
“I like you already.”
“I just wanted to come check on my new patient here.”
“I’m new, like her,” Fozzie babbled. “I mean, to say, she’s replacing Flo, you remember Flo?”
“She was the big, burly lady,” Fozzie continued. “With short red hair…”
“And an even shorter temper,” Penny added, chuckling. “That was one nurse you needed to be on your toes with. How ya feeling, Fozzie? Any pain?”
Despite being perfectly fine for most of the morning and afternoon hours and obviously able to have visitors, something in Fozzie’s mind told him that he was feeling ill and horrible. Horribly ill.
“Actually,” he said, sighing at the same time. “I feel horrible. And ill. Horribly ill.”
“Like a headache?”
“Everything aches!” he exclaimed. “In fact, I was just telling Piggy before you came in how horribly ill I was feeling. Wasn’t I?”
Piggy looked at him and he looked at her.
Really? Really, Fozzie?
Please do this for me!
You are going to owe me so very very much.
“Oh yes,” the diva deadpanned. “I was actually about to come and get you because of the pain. There was so much pain.”
Penny quickly rushed over, excusing herself as she passed in front of Piggy to check the bear’s forehead. “You don’t feel hot,” she murmured.
“Oh, I’m not so sure that’s true,” Piggy commented, earning her a look from the bear.
“What was that?”
Right as Piggy was about to answer, her phone beeped at her, notifying the diva of a new text message. Assuming it was Kermit or Scooter or worse, Gonzo pestering her, she quickly checked the message. Years of acting usually prepared one for numerous roles and the role Piggy would play now, besides accomplice in a dating game, was that of unconcerned person reading a text.
“Well, I believe the bear is in good, capable hands,” she replied, putting her phone back in pocket and reaching for her purse. Pointing at Fozzie, she said, “You…are to behave.”
“It was nice meeting you, dear.”
"The pleasure was all mine, Miss Piggy!”
As Piggy sailed out of the room and into the hallway, her phone was once again in her hand and her fingers were quickly working the small keypad.
DIVINE MISS P: Call the Frog. I’m OMW.