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Father: Oh! I'm sure you'll come first class in your class, and graduate with a stamp of approval. See what I did there? Anyway...can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Catnip? Catsup? Ketchup? Oh! And let me introduce people...People, this is Bill. Bill, this is people.

Father: *smiles warmly...or wannly...hard to tell when he gets tired* Welcome Bill...good name, nice pun...If you can make tea as well as you shine up the Moonshine, you can stay. *aside* But I'm not sure the parental rating people don't approve of horse in a family series...*to Bill* Will he be...

Father: Back, Jack, back! *aside, whispered* I'm bribing a federal member of the royal mail society of door-to-door delivery guys into taking our bills and accidently disposing of them...Don't jinx it. *to Bill* Well...you could put your horse in the Bikeshed, but I wouldn't recomend it...

Father: *arriving promptly at the front door and snatching letters* Well if it's the gas-bill, then that Moppets there actually says Woppets...They live three doors down...and pay for all our gas...*coughs* If it's a twenty-dollar bill...I'll take it and tip you 2.2 percent for the bother of...

Father: *glancing up* Technically...shouldn't that be Male Man...but then that sort of defies the object...since most men are male...Although I met a rather dubious aunt once...Who may or may not have been mailed as Mail to Mahattan last I saw her...Hmm...

Father: Well, to be honest, Mr Harvey...I've not seen my youngest daughter in a while...

Father: *mutters under breath* Good thing too, I think the bikeshed ate the unicycle last month...

Father: Well...unless we have to lay the table...Luckily all the cutlery and crookery was eaten! Unluckily...someone needs to replace it...Luckily! I'm eating out this evening! Everyone else can order take-away...

Father: Jack, my boy, listen...if you want to go outdoors, might be wise to cover up your...alteration. Now, I'm sure you don't know anything about cover-ups or hold-ups or sneaky quick get-aways or anything like that, so I'll give you some advice...Wear a large coat, dark glasses, and a...

Father: Let me get this straight...*to Nell* You are my wife, but now you are green. *to Mingo* You were the nanny, but now you have a child. *to Jack* You were my friend, but now you flower growing out of your head. *to Harvey* You are my work colleague and...why are you in my house again? *to...

Father: *getting up* Well, is it so surprising? Your child is a republic in East Africa...

Father: *lying on floor in bunny slippers* Can I have a cup of tea now? *faints*

Father: I knew hiring a nanny would come in useful one day!...but this is NOT the time to make firewood! It's almost spring anyway! Someone get me out of this!

Father: I'll try and find the plunger...*being strangled by vine*

Father: ...thanks...I think? You don't also have an axe on you to get this vine off me? If I didn't know better I'd say something wasn't overly happy with me...

Father: *takes sheets of paper* Well, I can't read this without glasses...*to Nell* We'll have to order drinks as soon as possible...AHHH! *is grabbed by vine and thrown across the room, knocking the shiny-thing from the table, still holding the papers* *to Harvey, without breaking...

Father: Jana...Exactly how much have you forgotten, Christy? Well...I can remind you of the family tree over dinner...It was a tall one, planted in my garden beside your house...Shall we?

Father: *and returns to the living room, briefly* Oh, hey, if anyone see's Jana...Tell her she's late for breakfast. *turns to go again*

Father: *growing faintly suspicious* You know it does seem odd...I mean, it happen so quickly and out of the blue...*steps away from Nell towards Mr Harvey* And we didn't get any warning...and haven't spoken about this before...Are you completely sure--*turns to Mr Harvey* That you worked out...

Father: *aside* Darling...when you said you'd dyed...I assumed you meant either your hair or you'd passed on...I didn't realise you were going for the Wicked Witch look...and I say that with a great deal of affection...