Muppet College Dorms: The Next Semester

[BeakerSqueedom]

Claudia:
(Hears Alex)
You can't have him! :3
He's MINE!
(Snugs her picture, having overheard Alex)

Bunsen:
Claudia, don't be si-

Claudia:
Alan Rickman!

Bunsen:
Cl-

Claudia:
Shhh.

Bunsen:
Clau-

Claudia:
Shh. x3

 

[Winslow Leach]

The room is cleared of all food, furniture, etc. from the night before.

Lefty: So where'd she go again?

Tony: Something about Alan Rickman and Claudia...I'm not sure...it happened so fast.

Lefty: Ah. So she dropped ya fer this Rickman guy, huh?

Tony: What? No! No.

Lefty: Dat's what it sounds like ta me.

Tony: Hey, where's Crazy Harry?

Lefty: I taught he came back here.

Tony: I haven't seen him all night...

Lefty: Huh. Well, ya know how ya had 'im tied down on his cot an' put in a straightjacket, on account 'a he bit da Newsman?

Tony: Yeah.

Lefty: An' den last night ya shoved his cot into da hall after us?

Tony: Yeah.

Lefty: Well, da cot ended up hittin' me from behind. I toined, and saw Crazy Harry dere, all tied up wit a gag in his mout. So I says to 'im, "ey, Crazy Harry...I'll let ya loose, only if ya promise ta go straight back to da dorms and be a good little boy." He nodded, so I let him go!

Tony: You fool! Do you realize that maniac is running around loose on account of you?

Lefty: Hey, I had more tings on my mind...I still had one hand attached to dat fifty-dollar bill.

Tony: Where's the Newsman?

Lefty: How in da name of Moygatroyd should I know?

Tony: Lefty! Harry's gonna get revenge on Newsie, for having him tied up!

Lefty (shrugs) Meh.

Tony: This is terrible!

Lefty: Naw it ain't! I got da whole $50 from 'im!

Tony: Lefty, the only way Newsie would give you that money would be if...oh my gosh!

Lefty: I blew da whole fifty at a carnival. Da Newsman wasn't dere, so I figured he'd want me ta have it all! I had a lotta fun! I rode da flyin' horsies tree times, I ate cotton candy an' a bunch of hot dogs...den I went on a roller coaster, which wasn't such a good idea, 'cause my tummy was gettin' upset, an' I almost got sick. Den I played a few games of chance, but I lost 'em all! Kin you believe it? Me? Losin' a game of--

Tony heads for the door, about to go searching for the Newsman. When he opens it, Crazy Harry is standing there, carrying the limp body of the Newsman in his arms. The Newsman looks worse for wear.

Newsman: Ungghhh...

Crazy Harry laughs, and drops the Newsman on the floor. Tony grabs him and goes out into the hall, where the cot is waiting, from the night before. With one hand, he wheels the cot into the room, and with the other, he holds Crazy Harry by the collar.

Lefty: Dis guy looks like he fell off a truck!

Tony holds Crazy Harry down, and wraps him in his straightjacket again.

Crazy Harry: Hey, you can't do this to me, who do you think you are--

Tony stuffs a gag into Harry's mouth. He picks up Newsie, and gently places him on his (Newsie's) bed.

Tony: What happened?

Newsman (weakly) As...soon as that crum bum over there let Harry loose...he grabbed me, and dragged me out of the dorms...

Lefty: Yeah, and dat's when he dropped da $50 bill. I taught he was givin' it ta me, 'cause he figured I was a swell guy...

Newsman: And...and...he didn't let go of me all night...he kept tossing me in the air, like a rag doll...up and down, up and down...he thought it was funny...all I could hear was his laughing...he just kept tossing me in the air, over and over and over...I feel sooooo sick!

Lefty: Ya don't look too good either!

Tony: Lefty!

Newsman: Unnnnghhhh...up and down, up and down...

Lefty: Hey, I went up and down, up and down too last night! Yeah! I went on da flyin' horsies, and dey went up an' down, up an' down! Den I went on da roller coaster, and we went whoooosh! Up an' down, up an' down!

Newsman: Blaaarrggh!

Tony: Lefty! You're not helping!

Newsman: So dizzy...so dizzy...

Lefty: Heh heh heh.

Newsman: How did your date go?

Tony: It went really well. We both enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Newsman: That's...wonderful...

Lefty: Dis guy looks like he's ready ta join the choir invisible!

Newsman: Do you...do you think I'll ever be able to play the piano again, Tony?

Tony: Sure you will, Newsie! Of course you will!

Newsman: Great! Because...I've never actually played the piano before...

Lefty: Is dis guy serious? Dat joke is so old, it's got whiskers!

Tony: Lefty, why don't you go out and try selling someone an invisible lollipop?

Lefty: I can't! I'm fresh out!

 

[BEAR]

Cookie: Yoohoo! Mr. Tony! Mr. Tony! Oh, there you are! So, where dinner?

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Beaker:
(Enters Tony's room having heard a little dinner was being served)

Mee mee mee mee.
Meee meee meeeeee?

Bunsen:
Oh, I'd be delighted to join, too!
What are we having?
If you don't mind me asking...

Dr. Van Neuter:
Oh! Party at Tony's!

Bunsen:
How very daring, Phillip!

Dr. Van Neuter:
I know!

Bunsen:
Salutations, Mr. Cookie Monster!

 

[Winslow Leach]

Oh hey, Cookie! I didn't forget about you, bud!

(watching as the three scientists hurriedly set up a table and chairs)

Um...do you mind if Bunsen, Beaker and Phil join us? I had no idea they were planning to...er...visit...

Don't worry, though. I have plenty of food, so...make yourself comfortable, Cookie, and I'll bring it in.

(Tony goes out into hallway, to meet caterer. Lefty is out somewhere. The Newsman is in bed, recouperating, and Harry is still tied to his cot)

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Storyteller: So, Nora, what do you think of that story that Claudia's got you in?
Nora: Oh, I like it - it's really nice and creepy, dark side of innocence and all that. Mrs. Farley would love it.
Storyteller: And that picture she drew of you...
Nora: Yeah, I look like Linda Ronstadt in that picture. (glances over at Erin) What are you working on this week, Erin?
Erin: (hammering at keyboard) Last week it was the flu, this week it's a proposal to start a student EMT service.
Storyteller: (rubbing forehead) I've got a song stuck in my head.
Erin: Which one?
Storyteller: The one you just had on the radio. The one about microchips, test tubes and weird science.

(Scooter and Beige suddenly walk in)

Beige: (singing) Weird science...plastic tubes and pots and pans, bits and pieces and magic from the hand we're making...
Scooter: (singing) Weird science...things I've never seen before, behind bolted doors, talent and imagination...

Storyteller: Stop! Stop! (the two boys leave the room)
Nora: My twin siblings love that song. They always sing it right before they get ready to blow up the basement or something with their latest science project.
Erin: Oh, yeah...what was it last week, the vinegar and baking soda replica of a Scud missile?

Scooter and Beige: (singing) From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand - my intentions...
Storyteller: Out! Out!

 

[Winslow Leach]

Tony (to the scientists) Um, well guys, since you've invited yourselves...I was wondering if you have any food to bring. I have more than enough here...(rolls catering cart into room) But I ordered it with Cookie Monster in mind...

So, here we have cookie burgers...cookie hot dogs...cookie salad...soft-boiled cookies, with glasses of cookie juice on the side...and for dessert...yep, you guessed it...cookies! Oh, and I also got some cookies and cream ice cream, for a little variety.

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Dr. Van Neuter:
I'm allergic to nuts, Bunsen.

Bunsen:
I doubt they have nuts in there, Phillip!
Mmm, Mr. Tony, I do have a little something for all of us to nibble on.

Beaker:
(Looks to him warningly)

Bunsen:
Oh, cut it out, Beakie!
I'm sure it'll be an experience they shan't forget.
A delicious little snack that won't hurt at all!
Much to my surprise.

Beaker:
(Looks back to the oblivious Tony)
(Glances at Bunsen again, this time with pleadful eyes)

Bunsen:
(Smiles a little; having no eyes, it's difficult to really tell what are his intentions)
Won't be long now!
(Prances to his room to fetch a little snack for the group)

---

Claudia:
(Tied up)
MMMFFF?
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
REGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bunsen:
Thank you!
Don't mind if I do!
(Grabs cottage cheese covered crackers in a red plate, enough for the group to eat)

Claudia:
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
FEEPFEAD!

Bunsen:
Hmmm....hmmm...hmmm!
(Hums giddily)

Claudia:
(Rolls eyes)
Leaffeeafeece!

[A lock on the door is heard]
---

[Returning to Tony's room]

Bunsen:
Hope you enjoy.
Claudia made it herself!

Beaker:
(Looks to his knees)

Dr. Van Neuter:
Wow!
That's really nice of her!
First time she does something useful!

Bunsen:
Indeed.
Why not dig in?

Dr. Van Neuter:
Don't mind if I do!

 

[The Count]

*From downstairs... Don't make me blast your TV again Claudia!
*Settles down to read her thrilling Nora in Wonderland fictional romp.

 

[Winslow Leach]

Hey, welcome back, Bunsen, we were just about to...

(looks at Bunsen's offering)

Cottage cheese and crackers? Great. I went from seafood to cottage cheese.

Lefty enters and slams the door behind him, panting.

Lefty: Some crazy old farmer trew a watermelon at me!

Tony: Huh?

Lefty: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH! He might be out in da hall lookin' fer me...he saw me run in here!

Tony: Why would a farmer...never mind.

Lefty: I was tryin' to get some carrots from his garden...ya know, fer my boss's bunny rabbit? All of a sudden, I hear dis shout...an' da next ting I know dis farmer what looks like Mr. McGregor from da Peter Rabbit books is hurlin' a giant watermelon at my skull! Well, I ran, an' when I looked back, he was still chasin' me...wit two giant watermelons under each arm! (shivers)

Tony: Well, you're just in time for dinner. I ordered a special meal for Cookie, and...Bunsen brought some cottage cheese.

Lefty (does a quadruple-take; his fear immediately vanishes) Cottage cheese? I love cottage cheese! My mudder usta make me cottage cheese every afternoon when I came home from ditchin' school...riiiiight....riiiiight!

Lefty pulls up a chair and sits.

Lefty: You said da melon head made dis?

Tony: Dr. Honeydew, yes.

Lefty: Riiiiight, riiiiiiight! Gimme gimme gimme gimme!

Bunsen hands the cottage cheese plate to Tony. Tony takes some, then passes it to Beaker, Phil and Lefty. Lefty takes the most, and stuffs his face.

Lefty (mouth full) DisisdamostdelishtingIeverate!

Tony: What?

Lefty (swallows) I said dis is da most delicious ting I ever ate!

Lefty takes more cottage cheese and crackers, and wolfs them down.