Dealing with depression and anxiety

[charlietheowl]

Hung out with someone today. First time I've done that in a long time.

I realize just how much effort I have to put in in order to be extroverted. Boy, is my energy drained.

Now that the day is through, for some reason I feel as though I was burden to this other person.

I understand the feeling of seeming like a burden to the other person, and I think it comes from having to make such an effort to be extroverted. When you have to make an effort to be "on", it's natural to start to worry if it's obvious and then worry if you're truly entertaining the person. It's not something that's easy to remedy, I think you have to find someone you're truly comfortable with to enjoy yourself without the worry.

 

[fuzzygobo]

Part of the trick is you liking you. The more comfortable you are with you, the easier it is for others, and the less you'll feel like a burden.
Take a look how far you've come since last year. It seems like it takes a lot out of you, and in the beginning it does take some time and effort. Like getting in shape. It hurts at first lifting those weights, but every time gets a little easier.

Keep doing what you're doing. Before long you won't recognize yourself.

 

[Mo Frackle]

I understand the feeling of seeming like a burden to the other person, and I think it comes from having to make such an effort to be extroverted. When you have to make an effort to be "on", it's natural to start to worry if it's obvious and then worry if you're truly entertaining the person. It's not something that's easy to remedy, I think you have to find someone you're truly comfortable with to enjoy yourself without the worry.

Yes, that's it exactly. I feel as though the other person would be better off hanging around someone else. But I've heard that this can seem like social rejection to another person. In retrospect, I think that's what has killed a few past friendships.

Part of the trick is you liking you. The more comfortable you are with you, the easier it is for others, and the less you'll feel like a burden.
Take a look how far you've come since last year. It seems like it takes a lot out of you, and in the beginning it does take some time and effort. Like getting in shape. It hurts at first lifting those weights, but every time gets a little easier.

Keep doing what you're doing. Before long you won't recognize yourself.

Every so often I still find myself slipping into approval-seeking mode. I guess things that have happened in the past can make it hard to love myself 100% of the time, but I do try.

Hoping everyone else is doing okay.

 

[CensoredAlso]

Not entirely about depression, but I recently decided to sign up for Nutrisystem in order to possibly lose weight. My family's being supportive, maybe a little too supportive, heh, as if this will solve all my problems in life. My issue is emotional eating, and at the moment I don't know if I have anything to replace it with. My family thinks telling me I'll be able to buy new clothes is some kind of motivation. Yawn. They don't get it, and they don't want to get it, because they have no answers.

 

[fuzzygobo]

A lot of plans promise their way is best. No oñe formula works for everybody. By some variation of eating right and exercise, you'll see hopefully some safe, gradual loss instead of an overnight miracle.
I hope they can steer you in the right direction, replacing emotional eating with something that can serve you better.
Whatever works, I hope it works for you.

 

[CensoredAlso]

A lot of plans promise their way is best. No oñe formula works for everybody. By some variation of eating right and exercise, you'll see hopefully some safe, gradual loss instead of an overnight miracle.
I hope they can steer you in the right direction, replacing emotional eating with something that can serve you better.
Whatever works, I hope it works for you.

Yea I'm just not going to worry about other people's reactions and just see how this goes.

That friend I said I was having trouble with? I told him I needed a break. He stayed away for a week or so, then tested me again. Still not having a clue that he did anything wrong, and trying to guilt trip me with Valentine's Day. I said it would he better for both of us to break and he should lose my number for awhile. I'm just hoping he listens, I really don't want to have to be worried about this. I feel conflicted and rotten enough as it is.

 

[Mo Frackle]

My emotions have been going up and down quite a bit lately. Perhaps I'm Bipolar?

Some times during the day, I'll be up, confident, and ready for just about anything. But within a few hours, I can feel really down in the dumps and retreat into myself, not bothering to contact anyone. I don't have many people to contact, and I've lost interest in communicating via text/social media. Surprisingly, face-to-face interaction has become more of my thing. And yet, I can't see most of my friends in person because they live in other states.

My other major struggle lately has been with feeling inadequate. I'm always comparing myself to everyone else, with this "not good enough" attitude. Having this mindset is really annoying, but I can't seem to help it.

It's been a very rocky time.

Somebody suggested I find some way to keep busy in order to get rid of the blues. Hopefully, that will work.

Sending my love to everyone else.

 

[charlietheowl]

My emotions have been going up and down quite a bit lately. Perhaps I'm Bipolar?

Some times during the day, I'll be up, confident, and ready for just about anything. But within a few hours, I can feel really down in the dumps and retreat into myself, not bothering to contact anyone. I don't have many people to contact, and I've lost interest in communicating via text/social media. Surprisingly, face-to-face interaction has become more of my thing. And yet, I can't see most of my friends in person because they live in other states.

My other major struggle lately has been with feeling inadequate. I'm always comparing myself to everyone else, with this "not good enough" attitude. Having this mindset is really annoying, but I can't seem to help it.

It's been a very rocky time.

Somebody suggested I find some way to keep busy in order to get rid of the blues. Hopefully, that will work.

Sending my love to everyone else.

I think it's natural to have ebbs and flows in emotions, especially when you may be dealing with depression or anxiety. It can take effort to maintain the feeling of being up and confident, and I think when the brain kind of gets sapped from doing that, it can lead to a crash. That's tough to deal with, and I hope you can find a balance soon.

 

[DramaQueenMokey]

I got very panicky the other day after a teacher asked us to complete what I dubbed the ridiculous assignment of ridiculous assignments because she expected us to Tweet to celebrity and them to answer us back and suddenly give us 7-10 minutes of their time via Skype interview -____-

But, I spoke to someone I know and they gave me a number to a co-worker who happens to be a bit of a local celebrity in my neck of the woods and I got more than enough time with her and she even called me back to follow-up with my questions and just to chat :')

I was so happy and then I saw my boyfriend yesterday since we're both so swamped this weekend and it was lovely. Even today was nice but, my mom was betrayed by a friend of hers and then she says to me, "There are no friends in this world...You can only count on family."

And well, that made me lose it. I quickly explained to her that I only love her, my Abuelo, Abuela and my little cousin Ashlee and that I cannot stand anyone else in the family and then I proceeded to list each and everything about why I cannot stand those relatives of ours. She ignored me and whatever, we still had a nice dinner and then she dropped me back at my dorm. But, then I talked to my Abuela on the phone, told her the same things and again, I started on why I can't stand anyone else in the family.

She got mad at hearing me say that and said that I need to get rid of all the hate in my heart. I really don't want to carry around all this hate but, tons of my jerk family members used to say that I would never amount to anything or even learn English at that when here I am: bilingual and at a private university on almost a full ride when their delinquent kids are barely passing English class and can't speak Spanish at all.

Also, then that ties into the fact that I go by my nickname because I cannot stand my legal first name for 2 reasons: 1. I am not at all a fan of the person I am named after; she's my one uncle's wife and one of the most unpleasant people I have ever come into contact with. She is disgustingly rude and another cousin of mine smelled like cigarettes for the first year of her life because of this disgusting woman she's got for a mother. Reason 2 I cannot stand my legal first name is: My dad anglo-saxonized a perfectly beautiful Lati name and knowing that he screamed at my mother that his daughter was an American in the delivery room makes it hurt more. Plus, barely any of my family members acknowledges that I want to be called my nickname. They just get angry when I ask to please use my nickname and start fights. I am not doing anything, I am only asking that they call me by my nickname; friends who I've known forever were receptive of this but, not my family? My abuelos and mom never use my name (they call me various other nicknames), save for the one I want to be called which is literally me just shortening my first name in a way that completely disguises the first letter. (My first name is Danielle and I go by Ellie, my friends, boyfriend, and even my college professors respect this!)

I am waiting until Spring Break but, I very much want to start a go fund me page to change my first name and middle name because of how much I hate them. I will not be completely happy until I am happy with my name and then well, my relatives BETTER call me my new name if not the nickname they're refusing to call me now. I won't change my last name if only to avoid legal issues with my dad but, I cannot with this terrible first name anymore. I honestly don't want anything to my birthday besides money I can save up towards the legal name change or the legal name change in general but, we'll see what happens...

My boyfriend is insistent on taking me to dinner on my actual birthday and then taking me to another restaurant for my first grown up drink (I'm turning 21) the weekend after because he really wants to make it a point to celebrate...I do not like my birthday which he knows but, he wants me to smile and I feel bad not smiling. He's trying to change my birthday attitude but, I don't know how successful he'll be. :/

Here's me just hoping and praying that everything works out one way or another.

 

[charlietheowl]

I got very panicky the other day after a teacher asked us to complete what I dubbed the ridiculous assignment of ridiculous assignments because she expected us to Tweet to celebrity and them to answer us back and suddenly give us 7-10 minutes of their time via Skype interview -____-

But, I spoke to someone I know and they gave me a number to a co-worker who happens to be a bit of a local celebrity in my neck of the woods and I got more than enough time with her and she even called me back to follow-up with my questions and just to chat :')

I was so happy and then I saw my boyfriend yesterday since we're both so swamped this weekend and it was lovely. Even today was nice but, my mom was betrayed by a friend of hers and then she says to me, "There are no friends in this world...You can only count on family."

And well, that made me lose it. I quickly explained to her that I only love her, my Abuelo, Abuela and my little cousin Ashlee and that I cannot stand anyone else in the family and then I proceeded to list each and everything about why I cannot stand those relatives of ours. She ignored me and whatever, we still had a nice dinner and then she dropped me back at my dorm. But, then I talked to my Abuela on the phone, told her the same things and again, I started on why I can't stand anyone else in the family.

She got mad at hearing me say that and said that I need to get rid of all the hate in my heart. I really don't want to carry around all this hate but, tons of my jerk family members used to say that I would never amount to anything or even learn English at that when here I am: bilingual and at a private university on almost a full ride when their delinquent kids are barely passing English class and can't speak Spanish at all.

Also, then that ties into the fact that I go by my nickname because I cannot stand my legal first name for 2 reasons: 1. I am not at all a fan of the person I am named after; she's my one uncle's wife and one of the most unpleasant people I have ever come into contact with. She is disgustingly rude and another cousin of mine smelled like cigarettes for the first year of her life because of this disgusting woman she's got for a mother. Reason 2 I cannot stand my legal first name is: My dad anglo-saxonized a perfectly beautiful Lati name and knowing that he screamed at my mother that his daughter was an American in the delivery room makes it hurt more. Plus, barely any of my family members acknowledges that I want to be called my nickname. They just get angry when I ask to please use my nickname and start fights. I am not doing anything, I am only asking that they call me by my nickname; friends who I've known forever were receptive of this but, not my family? My abuelos and mom never use my name (they call me various other nicknames), save for the one I want to be called which is literally me just shortening my first name in a way that completely disguises the first letter. (My first name is Danielle and I go by Ellie, my friends, boyfriend, and even my college professors respect this!)

I am waiting until Spring Break but, I very much want to start a go fund me page to change my first name and middle name because of how much I hate them. I will not be completely happy until I am happy with my name and then well, my relatives BETTER call me my new name if not the nickname they're refusing to call me now. I won't change my last name if only to avoid legal issues with my dad but, I cannot with this terrible first name anymore. I honestly don't want anything to my birthday besides money I can save up towards the legal name change or the legal name change in general but, we'll see what happens...

My boyfriend is insistent on taking me to dinner on my actual birthday and then taking me to another restaurant for my first grown up drink (I'm turning 21) the weekend after because he really wants to make it a point to celebrate...I do not like my birthday which he knows but, he wants me to smile and I feel bad not smiling. He's trying to change my birthday attitude but, I don't know how successful he'll be. :/

Here's me just hoping and praying that everything works out one way or another.

Sounds like a lot to have to deal with. It's not very nice that your family won't respect your desires to be called Ellie instead of your birth name, and it seems like they might be doing that out of spite or something. Hopefully it won't be too expensive to change your name if that's something you choose to go forward with in the future.

I hope your birthday goes well and you and your boyfriend can have a good time together.