Tooncrap has gotten a hand on one of
my biggest Holiday thorns in the side, Frosty Returns.
Though there's more things I'd attack in the special, I'm glad to know this isn't exactly well liked a Christmas tradition CBS kept putting away with. I could list for hours what was wrong with this special, so I'll attack the main points.
The Complainers are Always Wrong.
The special's main driving message is essentially how great winter is because of magic of being a kid (read: one that doesn't do shoveling unless they're paid and one that doesn't have to commute to work). The adults are portrayed as either bitter, miserable old people or gullible morons when they say how much they hate
dealing with snow. One of them being an
elderly woman shoveling off her driveway and front steps. As in, an activity that
kinda could kill her? And why, yes... winter
is a dangerous time to get around in. Why is the
entire town an antagonist, especially if they're made up of old people who
have a point?
Wasted Talent
You have the likes of Johnathan Winters, John Goodman, Andrea Martin, and Brian Doyle Murray here. Reading a
bad script full of dated jokes. The old woman teacher even makes a dumb "What do you think this is? MTV?" comment. It really is a shame how these guys were slumming it. Lorne Michaels really must've pulled his weight around to rope these comedians into this. Not to mention Bill Melendez Studios made this thing.
Environmental Message, sort of
Very much a product of the early 90's when people cared about the environment briefly (anything else I could add to this statement would be a long and winding rant), Frosty Returns delivers a pro-Earth message... or, rather,
not. In a movement that even Captain Planet would find embarrassing, the villain is a one dimensional evil corporate big wig who invents a spray snow remover. What would otherwise at least be an environmental message turns into "rich guy is evil for inventing something out of evil the people actually
could use but did we mention he's evil?" As for the environment, it's mentioned
in passing by one of his board members (who gets the Monty Burns trap door treatment) and never brought up again. So instead of saying "while well meaning, this product can do irreparable damage to the planet, and an easy solution such as this isn't worth the impact," the message is "old rich guy BAD! Snow
Good." What makes this message really fall through is the only reason the product's even considered evil (and therefore the rich old guy) is it could hurt Frosty. So where would a spray snow remover do any good? I dunno? Massive, city crippling blizzards? Dangerous snow storms? Even just getting the walkways cleared so the snow doesn't turn into thick ice? The snow removal spray is designed out of spite,
how?
Overall, it's unnecessary
It's clear this was a throwaway special (even with a massive cast) meant to poop out on home video and maybe show a couple times on television. It's not even a Christmas special. Sure, Frosty isn't exactly a Christmas Song (doesn't mention Christmas in it at all, unless you count the rewritten version from the original special), and apparently his other special was a non-holiday Winter cartoon. But this special adds nothing, isn't holiday related, and just...feels like it's there because of a contractual obligation. The music isn't that good, the actors kinda fart their way through, the characters are all stupid except for the designated heroine, the environmental message is muddied by lack of explanation, the moral of the story is essentially "kids like snow, so the heck with anyone else." Just overall one of the dumbest specials there is.
But I'm waiting on those "Rapsitte Kids Believe in Santa" reviews. You think once that hit the net, one of the
many caustic critics on the internet would have gobbled it up by now.