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RedPiggy
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The Story Builders: an HV fic
Author’s Note: This is a collaborative effort. My thanks to Linkie Pie <3 for supplying her side of the tale.
Kelly flopped onto the couch, her brown hair swooshing across her face. Tired of the endless headache from a too-tight ponytail, she had her hair chopped off, going for an Olivia Benson look on Law & Order: SVU. As her Labrador Retrievers, Bear the chocolate male and Sarah the black female, happily chewed on rawhide toys on the floor, Kelly whipped out her new Kindle. She’d only had it for a month, what with Spike giving it to her on her birthday last year.
He knew her too well.
The year 2012 was shaping up to be a great year: she was steadily employed, the dogs were healthy, she was working on her credit card balance, there was that trip to Orlando she wanted come May, and life was gloriously without the drama of 2011.
Naturally, this story would be entirely boring if it was just Kelly sitting on the couch staring at her Kindle. Sooooo ….
Sarah and Bear yanked up their heads and trotted over to the closet in the hallway. Bear pawed at it while Sarah sniffed and whimpered.
“What is it now?” Kelly sighed, getting up. It was too cold to wander around the house today. It’s not like she couldn’t get heat in the house, but she was trying to start over in another city, having moved from Hensonville what seemed like ages ago. It took moolah to get all the fake plants and the loads of green paint and the new entertainment center and the low bed that made it possible for Bear and Sarah to climb onto so they could sleep with their Mama.
Anyway, Kelly walked over to the closet. “There better not be any mice. You guys are fired if there are.” Slowly, she turned the doorknob. What if it jumped onto her? What if it went up her pants? She swallowed. Should’ve brought the shovel, she told herself. She sighed sadly. Should’ve brought Spike.
The door open and a high-pitched motorized sound sliced through the air to her ears as a small 4 by 6 inch cart zipped out of the closet, forcing the dogs to leap back and smacking their hind ends on the opposite wall with an ear-splitting yelp, and ramming Kelly’s foot. Pops and the scent of acrid smoke filled the air as cheap firecrackers went off.
“Gah!” Kelly exclaimed, nearly landing on the dogs, who were high-tailing it back to the living room.
The cart was covered in a green body with dark black lines swirling over it. A Doozer body drove, shoulder-length red hair streaming down from a mask that resembled a black bird’s head. Another Doozer sat just behind the driver, with a strange pink spherical helmet lying nearly over its eyes, with the slightest hint of brown frizzy hair underneath.
Kelly coughed and used her inhaler from her pocket, having had to buck up and go to the doctor last year to make her asthma liveable. “C-Cotterpin?” she asked.
The red-haired Doozer took off the dark mask, revealing, who else, but Cotterpin. Her antennae sprung up as the mask was lifted. She looked like a handful of green marshmallows with radish-red shavings and two wires. Kelly kneeled down to look at her more closely. Cotterpin frowned. “Awwwww … what gave me away?”
“What other Doozer would know who I am?”
“Oh, right,” Cotterpin responded sheepishly. A flash of insight suddenly hit her. “Wait, didn’t Turbo --?”
“You brought Turbo?”
Cotterpin growled in exasperation. “No! And I’m not Cotterpin, neither!”
“And I’m not Wrench!” shouted the other Doozer.
“Wrench!”
“Sorry.”
Cotterpin inhaled deeply, a proud smirk forming on her face. “I come to you today as Broad Brush. This is my assistant, Eraser.”
Kelly looked closer, which then led to the dogs shuffling over to investigate, sniffling loudly. “Is that what you’re called?” she asked, stifling a giggle. “I thought it was Black Bird and Earthworm Head.”
Cotterpin glared at her. “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard,” she retorted. She coughed as Bear’s wet nose started to drip over her. “Be careful, Bear … the Broad Brush is known to stain a dog’s teeth black as ink!”
Bear whimpered, shoving his rear into the air, his tail wagging furiously.
Cotterpin shook her head. “This isn’t playtime and I’m not a chew toy. Now git!”
Bear whimpered and saundered off to find a bone, which he tossed into the air with his jaws, reveling in the random way it flew across the room and slid over the floor.
Sarah, meanwhile, couldn’t sniff Wrench, er, Eraser, close enough.
Wrench gagged, his face turning pale. “Why do these things always want to inhale me?”
Kelly smirked and shooed Sarah away. “Sorry.”
“I need a dust bath,” Wrench groused.
“Sarah is an expert in finding good locations,” Kelly informed him.
Cotterpin was eager, however, to return the subject to her. “You haven’t visited me in Doozer Dome for over a year! What gives? Spike can’t be keeping you that busy!”
Taken aback by just how offended Cotterpin was, Kelly shrugged and looked away, blushing with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, ‘Pin. It’s just, we’re not together anymore.” She smiled and winked. “I died too often for his tastes. We still keep in touch, though.” She glanced at the scooter. “I think he’d have a stroke if he found out what you did to his paint job.”
Cotterpin laughed, petting her scooter lovingly. “Do you like it? I call it the Brush Bus. It’s my ticket to saving Doozer Dome from all types of villainy and destruction.”
“Something’s wrong with Doozer Dome?”
She shook her head. “No, but why not be prepared for trouble?”
Kelly bit her lip as it quivered. “Please don’t make me --.”
“Goodness, no! Pleeeeaaaasssseee don’t start up the motto! I can’t take it!” Cotterpin retorted in a hurry. She sighed, disgusted. “You haven’t changed much for someone who wants to get away from it all.”
Kelly sighed and stood, her hands on her hips. “It isn’t about becoming different.”
“We hear you wanna become a Muppet,” Wrench noted, unasked.
Kelly stared at him, bewildered. “How do you know that?”
Cotterpin scoffed. “Are you kidding? Those Ditzies can connect us no matter where we are, right? We’re bound by mystical happenings beyond the imaginings of mere Silly --.”
“We read it on Facebook,” Wrench interrupted sheepishly.
Cotterpin slapped him with her mask. She turned toward Kelly. “Look, we demand you return to Hensonville. There’s a real lack of superhero presence, y’know? There are rights to be wronged, and adventures to be … wait, what did I just say?”
“I think you’re going for starting a superhero league,” Kelly offered calmly, smiling at her close and sorely missed friend. “And thanks for the offer, but, no, ‘Pin.”
Cotterpin frowned. “I don’t think you heard me all the way up there, kiddo. You need to come back. And you need a superhero name. Phoenix is so Silent Hensonville and then that Mizumi chick stole your identity, but don’t worry. I’ve got the perfect name for you: Typist.”
“’Typist’?” Kelly repeated with a frown. “What … am I supposed to do your official superhero stationery?”
Cotterpin shook her head. “Oh, no, but me an’ Eraser discussed it at length and decided “Storyteller” was copyrighted, so let me tell you what’s been going on, and say you’ll come, please?” She coughed and inhaled deeply. “It all began when ….”
Just this morning, Angie looked at the business card in her hand. On it was scrawled Kelly’s number from back when she ran a clinic in Hensonville. She and her roommates were on a picnic over in a lush green courtyard at Hensonville University. There was the wicker baskets full of food, the red and white plaid tablecloth, and fluffy white clouds floating overhead. Angie was painting her toenails as the brown chimpanzee-like Sal read the newspaper. “Anything new, Sal?” she asked.
Sal Minella brought the paper closer to his face. “Lemme finish, will ya?” He read some more silently. With a gasp, he lowered the paper and gently swatted it against Johnny Fiama, a green-skinned humanoid lantern-jawed Muppet male with a penchant for nice Italian suits. “Oh, my … ‘ey, Johnny ….”
Johnny tapped his toes, waiting for Sal to finish so his shoes could be shined. His voice was suave, but bored. “Yeh, Sal?”
The primate’s voice was barely able to contain the news, “Dija hear Etta James died?”
Johnny sighed, thinking of the platinum-blonde-haired woman with the sultry voice, hearing her melodies in his head. “I found a dream … that I … could speak to,” he sang sadly, his foot tapping the rhythm as Sal began to hum the melody. He continued, “A dream that I-I-I-I … can call … my own.” He stopped and turned to Sal, his face sunken in grief. “She … died of leukemia, right?”
Sal nodded silently, hanging his head in respect.
Johnny put his hand over his heart, ensuring not to crush the small flower in his breast pocket. “Mama Blues sure broke my heart,” he noted in a pained voice. “She was a beautiful singer.”
Sal tried to put a furry hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “Are you okay, Johnny?”
Johnny buried his head in his hands and sniffled. “Jus’ … jus’ shine my shoes, Sal. Then, leave me alone.”
Sal picked up a brush and nodded. “Sure, Johnny. I … I understand.”
“I have a question,” Kelly asked as Cotterpin told the tale. “How do you know what they did?”
“What do you mean?” Cotterpin asked.
“Why were you with them?”
“Oh-HO, now you determine every place I have to be, right? You do all the talking for the Broad Brush, am I right?”
“Well, technically ….”
“WRONG!” Cotterpin shouted, slamming a fist down on the scooter’s driving mechanism, nearly making it lurch forward. “You may be typing this up, but I’m telling you the tale, so just keep your trap shut and don’t make commentary.”
Kelly sighed and listened to the story some more as Sarah and Bear sat down beside them to listen as well, their tails slowly wagging….
Link Hogthrob reclined in a leather recliner, which Sal had had to drag all the way to the picnic, as well as Johnny’s upholstered chair, and sipped from a martini glass, even though it was just apple juice inside. “I’m not sure I’ll survive,” he told the fluffy-haired blonde, Annie Sue Pig. “Raquel’s mad at me, she took our kid….”
Annie ran her fingers gently through his hair. “It’ll pass, Linkie. Hang in there.”
“But divorce is just AWFUL,” Link continued. He rummaged around in his pockets. “For one thing … it’s so expensive ….”
Annie Sue draped an arm around Link’s broad shoulders, her body following until she was nearly on top of him. “Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked, batting her thick eyelashes.
“Maybe one thing,” he told her.
Her heart skipped a few beats. “Yes?” she asked in a hopeful tone.
“How’s about a kissy-kissy?”
Annie Sue frowned and handed him a mirror, complete with lip marks all over it.
Link smiled and patted her on the head, already engrossed in his own self-image. He fixed his blond tuft of hair that Annie’d mussed up and smiled. “Thank you, my dear.” He hummed happily to himself. “Who’s the most dashing pig here? Why, me!” he announced to no one in particular as Annie Sue sighed and sank back to the ground slowly.
“So, in essence,” Kelly offered, “you want us to go over to Angie’s and cheer her team up?”
Cotterpin appeared deflated. “Hey, it’s a lot more complicated than that,” she whimpered. “There’s a lot more in store than some brief therapy sessions, y’know.” She gave her best puppy-dog-look a beady-eyed Doozer could give. “There’s gonna be adventure, and excitement, and --.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no’?” Cotterpin asked, irritated.
“I mean the opposite of ‘yes’, ‘Pin,” Kelly replied and headed back to the living room.
Cotterpin drove the scooter behind her and glared at the two Labs. “Hey you guys … you wanna go on a trip?”
The dogs’ ears perked up and their tails wagged.
“See? They wanna go,” Cotterpin offered. “You haven’t even heard the whole story yet! There was a sudden phone call --.”
Kelly’s cell rang, but the call ended before she could run to the dining room where she kept it under a pile of clothes intended to be folded. She looked at the number. “Who is this?” she wondered.
“Duuuuhh,” Cotterpin noted. “It’s Angie.”
Kelly put the phone down and glared down at Cotterpin in a disbelieving expression. “’Pin … how do you know what Angie’s doing in Hensonville if you’re in my dining room?”
“Uh, magic?”
Kelly nearly bonked her head on the dining room table in frustration.
Cotterpin moved in closer. “Just return the call, okay?”
Kelly stared at her phone. If she got dragged into some sort of weird thing, she could regret it.
On the other hand, there were people she missed.
She ran her fingers gently over the keypad, trying to decide whether to press the numbers and see what destiny had in store for her this time.
Author’s Note: This is a collaborative effort. My thanks to Linkie Pie <3 for supplying her side of the tale.
Kelly flopped onto the couch, her brown hair swooshing across her face. Tired of the endless headache from a too-tight ponytail, she had her hair chopped off, going for an Olivia Benson look on Law & Order: SVU. As her Labrador Retrievers, Bear the chocolate male and Sarah the black female, happily chewed on rawhide toys on the floor, Kelly whipped out her new Kindle. She’d only had it for a month, what with Spike giving it to her on her birthday last year.
He knew her too well.
The year 2012 was shaping up to be a great year: she was steadily employed, the dogs were healthy, she was working on her credit card balance, there was that trip to Orlando she wanted come May, and life was gloriously without the drama of 2011.
Naturally, this story would be entirely boring if it was just Kelly sitting on the couch staring at her Kindle. Sooooo ….
Sarah and Bear yanked up their heads and trotted over to the closet in the hallway. Bear pawed at it while Sarah sniffed and whimpered.
“What is it now?” Kelly sighed, getting up. It was too cold to wander around the house today. It’s not like she couldn’t get heat in the house, but she was trying to start over in another city, having moved from Hensonville what seemed like ages ago. It took moolah to get all the fake plants and the loads of green paint and the new entertainment center and the low bed that made it possible for Bear and Sarah to climb onto so they could sleep with their Mama.
Anyway, Kelly walked over to the closet. “There better not be any mice. You guys are fired if there are.” Slowly, she turned the doorknob. What if it jumped onto her? What if it went up her pants? She swallowed. Should’ve brought the shovel, she told herself. She sighed sadly. Should’ve brought Spike.
The door open and a high-pitched motorized sound sliced through the air to her ears as a small 4 by 6 inch cart zipped out of the closet, forcing the dogs to leap back and smacking their hind ends on the opposite wall with an ear-splitting yelp, and ramming Kelly’s foot. Pops and the scent of acrid smoke filled the air as cheap firecrackers went off.
“Gah!” Kelly exclaimed, nearly landing on the dogs, who were high-tailing it back to the living room.
The cart was covered in a green body with dark black lines swirling over it. A Doozer body drove, shoulder-length red hair streaming down from a mask that resembled a black bird’s head. Another Doozer sat just behind the driver, with a strange pink spherical helmet lying nearly over its eyes, with the slightest hint of brown frizzy hair underneath.
Kelly coughed and used her inhaler from her pocket, having had to buck up and go to the doctor last year to make her asthma liveable. “C-Cotterpin?” she asked.
The red-haired Doozer took off the dark mask, revealing, who else, but Cotterpin. Her antennae sprung up as the mask was lifted. She looked like a handful of green marshmallows with radish-red shavings and two wires. Kelly kneeled down to look at her more closely. Cotterpin frowned. “Awwwww … what gave me away?”
“What other Doozer would know who I am?”
“Oh, right,” Cotterpin responded sheepishly. A flash of insight suddenly hit her. “Wait, didn’t Turbo --?”
“You brought Turbo?”
Cotterpin growled in exasperation. “No! And I’m not Cotterpin, neither!”
“And I’m not Wrench!” shouted the other Doozer.
“Wrench!”
“Sorry.”
Cotterpin inhaled deeply, a proud smirk forming on her face. “I come to you today as Broad Brush. This is my assistant, Eraser.”
Kelly looked closer, which then led to the dogs shuffling over to investigate, sniffling loudly. “Is that what you’re called?” she asked, stifling a giggle. “I thought it was Black Bird and Earthworm Head.”
Cotterpin glared at her. “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard,” she retorted. She coughed as Bear’s wet nose started to drip over her. “Be careful, Bear … the Broad Brush is known to stain a dog’s teeth black as ink!”
Bear whimpered, shoving his rear into the air, his tail wagging furiously.
Cotterpin shook her head. “This isn’t playtime and I’m not a chew toy. Now git!”
Bear whimpered and saundered off to find a bone, which he tossed into the air with his jaws, reveling in the random way it flew across the room and slid over the floor.
Sarah, meanwhile, couldn’t sniff Wrench, er, Eraser, close enough.
Wrench gagged, his face turning pale. “Why do these things always want to inhale me?”
Kelly smirked and shooed Sarah away. “Sorry.”
“I need a dust bath,” Wrench groused.
“Sarah is an expert in finding good locations,” Kelly informed him.
Cotterpin was eager, however, to return the subject to her. “You haven’t visited me in Doozer Dome for over a year! What gives? Spike can’t be keeping you that busy!”
Taken aback by just how offended Cotterpin was, Kelly shrugged and looked away, blushing with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, ‘Pin. It’s just, we’re not together anymore.” She smiled and winked. “I died too often for his tastes. We still keep in touch, though.” She glanced at the scooter. “I think he’d have a stroke if he found out what you did to his paint job.”
Cotterpin laughed, petting her scooter lovingly. “Do you like it? I call it the Brush Bus. It’s my ticket to saving Doozer Dome from all types of villainy and destruction.”
“Something’s wrong with Doozer Dome?”
She shook her head. “No, but why not be prepared for trouble?”
Kelly bit her lip as it quivered. “Please don’t make me --.”
“Goodness, no! Pleeeeaaaasssseee don’t start up the motto! I can’t take it!” Cotterpin retorted in a hurry. She sighed, disgusted. “You haven’t changed much for someone who wants to get away from it all.”
Kelly sighed and stood, her hands on her hips. “It isn’t about becoming different.”
“We hear you wanna become a Muppet,” Wrench noted, unasked.
Kelly stared at him, bewildered. “How do you know that?”
Cotterpin scoffed. “Are you kidding? Those Ditzies can connect us no matter where we are, right? We’re bound by mystical happenings beyond the imaginings of mere Silly --.”
“We read it on Facebook,” Wrench interrupted sheepishly.
Cotterpin slapped him with her mask. She turned toward Kelly. “Look, we demand you return to Hensonville. There’s a real lack of superhero presence, y’know? There are rights to be wronged, and adventures to be … wait, what did I just say?”
“I think you’re going for starting a superhero league,” Kelly offered calmly, smiling at her close and sorely missed friend. “And thanks for the offer, but, no, ‘Pin.”
Cotterpin frowned. “I don’t think you heard me all the way up there, kiddo. You need to come back. And you need a superhero name. Phoenix is so Silent Hensonville and then that Mizumi chick stole your identity, but don’t worry. I’ve got the perfect name for you: Typist.”
“’Typist’?” Kelly repeated with a frown. “What … am I supposed to do your official superhero stationery?”
Cotterpin shook her head. “Oh, no, but me an’ Eraser discussed it at length and decided “Storyteller” was copyrighted, so let me tell you what’s been going on, and say you’ll come, please?” She coughed and inhaled deeply. “It all began when ….”
Just this morning, Angie looked at the business card in her hand. On it was scrawled Kelly’s number from back when she ran a clinic in Hensonville. She and her roommates were on a picnic over in a lush green courtyard at Hensonville University. There was the wicker baskets full of food, the red and white plaid tablecloth, and fluffy white clouds floating overhead. Angie was painting her toenails as the brown chimpanzee-like Sal read the newspaper. “Anything new, Sal?” she asked.
Sal Minella brought the paper closer to his face. “Lemme finish, will ya?” He read some more silently. With a gasp, he lowered the paper and gently swatted it against Johnny Fiama, a green-skinned humanoid lantern-jawed Muppet male with a penchant for nice Italian suits. “Oh, my … ‘ey, Johnny ….”
Johnny tapped his toes, waiting for Sal to finish so his shoes could be shined. His voice was suave, but bored. “Yeh, Sal?”
The primate’s voice was barely able to contain the news, “Dija hear Etta James died?”
Johnny sighed, thinking of the platinum-blonde-haired woman with the sultry voice, hearing her melodies in his head. “I found a dream … that I … could speak to,” he sang sadly, his foot tapping the rhythm as Sal began to hum the melody. He continued, “A dream that I-I-I-I … can call … my own.” He stopped and turned to Sal, his face sunken in grief. “She … died of leukemia, right?”
Sal nodded silently, hanging his head in respect.
Johnny put his hand over his heart, ensuring not to crush the small flower in his breast pocket. “Mama Blues sure broke my heart,” he noted in a pained voice. “She was a beautiful singer.”
Sal tried to put a furry hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “Are you okay, Johnny?”
Johnny buried his head in his hands and sniffled. “Jus’ … jus’ shine my shoes, Sal. Then, leave me alone.”
Sal picked up a brush and nodded. “Sure, Johnny. I … I understand.”
“I have a question,” Kelly asked as Cotterpin told the tale. “How do you know what they did?”
“What do you mean?” Cotterpin asked.
“Why were you with them?”
“Oh-HO, now you determine every place I have to be, right? You do all the talking for the Broad Brush, am I right?”
“Well, technically ….”
“WRONG!” Cotterpin shouted, slamming a fist down on the scooter’s driving mechanism, nearly making it lurch forward. “You may be typing this up, but I’m telling you the tale, so just keep your trap shut and don’t make commentary.”
Kelly sighed and listened to the story some more as Sarah and Bear sat down beside them to listen as well, their tails slowly wagging….
Link Hogthrob reclined in a leather recliner, which Sal had had to drag all the way to the picnic, as well as Johnny’s upholstered chair, and sipped from a martini glass, even though it was just apple juice inside. “I’m not sure I’ll survive,” he told the fluffy-haired blonde, Annie Sue Pig. “Raquel’s mad at me, she took our kid….”
Annie ran her fingers gently through his hair. “It’ll pass, Linkie. Hang in there.”
“But divorce is just AWFUL,” Link continued. He rummaged around in his pockets. “For one thing … it’s so expensive ….”
Annie Sue draped an arm around Link’s broad shoulders, her body following until she was nearly on top of him. “Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked, batting her thick eyelashes.
“Maybe one thing,” he told her.
Her heart skipped a few beats. “Yes?” she asked in a hopeful tone.
“How’s about a kissy-kissy?”
Annie Sue frowned and handed him a mirror, complete with lip marks all over it.
Link smiled and patted her on the head, already engrossed in his own self-image. He fixed his blond tuft of hair that Annie’d mussed up and smiled. “Thank you, my dear.” He hummed happily to himself. “Who’s the most dashing pig here? Why, me!” he announced to no one in particular as Annie Sue sighed and sank back to the ground slowly.
“So, in essence,” Kelly offered, “you want us to go over to Angie’s and cheer her team up?”
Cotterpin appeared deflated. “Hey, it’s a lot more complicated than that,” she whimpered. “There’s a lot more in store than some brief therapy sessions, y’know.” She gave her best puppy-dog-look a beady-eyed Doozer could give. “There’s gonna be adventure, and excitement, and --.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no’?” Cotterpin asked, irritated.
“I mean the opposite of ‘yes’, ‘Pin,” Kelly replied and headed back to the living room.
Cotterpin drove the scooter behind her and glared at the two Labs. “Hey you guys … you wanna go on a trip?”
The dogs’ ears perked up and their tails wagged.
“See? They wanna go,” Cotterpin offered. “You haven’t even heard the whole story yet! There was a sudden phone call --.”
Kelly’s cell rang, but the call ended before she could run to the dining room where she kept it under a pile of clothes intended to be folded. She looked at the number. “Who is this?” she wondered.
“Duuuuhh,” Cotterpin noted. “It’s Angie.”
Kelly put the phone down and glared down at Cotterpin in a disbelieving expression. “’Pin … how do you know what Angie’s doing in Hensonville if you’re in my dining room?”
“Uh, magic?”
Kelly nearly bonked her head on the dining room table in frustration.
Cotterpin moved in closer. “Just return the call, okay?”
Kelly stared at her phone. If she got dragged into some sort of weird thing, she could regret it.
On the other hand, there were people she missed.
She ran her fingers gently over the keypad, trying to decide whether to press the numbers and see what destiny had in store for her this time.
Ahem. One correction. My hair isn't brown. It's auburn.