Spring Forward: A Dinosaurs' Tale

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Can Muppets wink?

Good update! Can wait for more!

 

[RedPiggy]

Muppets can wink if you want them to, LOL. I've planned every main character's general progression for this "movie", so it should be easier to write now. Since now Disney owns both Dinosaurs and the Muppets, I went ahead and decided to show now that we're in the Muppetverse.

 

[RedPiggy]

[The scene fade transitions to the two park rangers as they walk on a trail. They hear loud snoring, which alarms them. They leave the trail to investigate and come upon an ash-covered, beige rectangular trailer with a thick green horizontal band running across the middle. There is a large wide wooden door with a rounded top on the left and a small filthy glass window with a small windowsill on the right. It is resting on numerous stones and cement blocks. A three-tiered staircase leads up to the door. The whole thing is roughly fifteen to twenty feet high.]

Park ranger 1 (motions toward the door, speaking in a low voice): Immigrant smugglers?

Park ranger 2 (shrugs): Anti-government militant?

Park ranger 1: Maybe we should call for backup.

Park ranger 2 (shakes head): That sound is coming from inside. I think you and I can handle some sedated creep.

Park ranger 1: What if it’s another dinosaur?

Park ranger 2 (smirks, shrugging): If they were all as disappointing as that last one, I don’t know why everyone puts them up on a pedestal. *nods toward the door and approaches* C’mon.

[The two rangers carefully enter the large door with rifles drawn as creepy instrumental music plays. Inside is a mess of an interior, with stacks of green money everywhere. A television set rests on a small wooden table on the left. A hatrack with large yellow hard hats on the branches stands next to the small wooden table. To the far right is a humongous wooden desk, with a nameplate that reads “B. P. Richfield, Wesayso Foreman” on it in silver letters against a black background. A massive Triceratops head, grey with a pale underside, lies on its side on stacks of money on the desk, snoring and drooling. It has a hunched back and is wearing a brown leather coat with brown fur trim. The park rangers look at each other warily, their confidence shaken by the size of the creature, and aim their rifles at it. The sound of the weapons being adjusted wakes the creature, ending the musical score.]

Richfield (wakes up confused, drooling): Huh? Wha --? *spots the two park rangers, his expression changing to deadly serious, his voice gravelly and low* What do we have here?

Park ranger 2 (struggling to maintain composure): We’re the --.

Richfield (pounds his fist on his desk, bellows): I’M SPEAKING! YOU COME IN HERE, DISTURB MY BEAUTY SLEEP – I’M GONNA TAKE YOUR SKIN OFF AND USE IT FOR A TISSUE!

Park ranger 1 (more sure of himself): We’re armed!

Richfield (clasps hands together, leans back, voice suddenly calm): I can see that. I also see that a bunch of smelly, flea-ridden humans can be taught to mimic any civilized action, including pointing dangerous weapons at someone currently underestimated to a rather large and frightening degree. Who taught you to talk? That Sinclair girl?

Park ranger 2: I think you’re a little out of the loop. Dinosaurs went extinct over sixty million years ago.

Richfield (bemused): Then how do you explain my presence here?

Park ranger 1: Sir, the dinosaurs were wiped out due to a global cold snap. Look out your window.

Richfield (glances out the window): Well, I’ll be … all the trees grew back. Will wonders never cease? *glances back at the park rangers* I apologize for such a terrible misunderstanding! Let’s start off on the right foot, shall we? I’m B. P. Richfield. I’m a well-known businessman, vital to global economic interests. *tosses them a stack of cash* Here. This ought to smooth things over.

Park ranger 2 (glances at the money, still unsure): Sir, this isn’t legal tender. I’m afraid it’s useless.

Richfield (gasps in mock horror): You don’t say! Oh, what a cruel twist of fate! However shall I make the transition to a new cultural status quo?

Park ranger 1 (lowering weapon): I suppose the employment office might be of some service. You aren’t the only dinosaur we’ve met today. I’m sure something can be worked out.

Park ranger 2 (nods, lowers weapon): Of course! The fine state of Oregon is always willing to help those in need.

Richfield (nods): Oregon, you say? I have to wonder if you humans happen to have some sort of political leadership?

Park ranger 2 (nods): We have a governor, a legislature – everything a civilized society needs.

Richfield (smiles): I see. It’s so nice to know that, despite the differences in time and species, the basic elements of culture have remained intact all these many years. *beckons them closer* Let’s shake hands and mark this new beginning with some wine, shall we?

Park ranger 1 (hesitantly): Sir, we’re on duty.

Richfield (shakes head): Awwwww! No one has to know! And I can assure you this wine is extremely rare and valuable, since it’s over sixty million years old. *chuckles and brings out a wine bottle from underneath his desk, pops the cork, pours it into a glass, and gulps it down, smacking his lips afterward* Ah! It’s amazing how surviving past the brink of destruction can spice a fine wine! *offers them the bottle* As I’m probably the only surviving member of the international and compassionate Wesayso corporation, lemme be the first to offer my eternal hand of friendship. *grins*

[The camera cuts to an exterior view as struggling and screaming is heard, then crunching and gurgling. Fade-out as the sound of Richfield blowing his nose is heard.]

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Great rolleyes Richfield made it.

As for the last line: Eww!

 

[RedPiggy]

Lol!

 

[RedPiggy]

There's been some family drama as of late, which would make the next planned scene hit a wee bit close to home, so until I feel better, I'll be working on the RTL fic for awhile.

 

[RedPiggy]

[Fran Sinclair, fatigued, tries to rouse Ethyl Phillips in a close-up shot. Ethyl Phillips stirs a little but settles back down into sleep. On the verge of tears, Fran walks away toward a nearby tree and sits down, staring worriedly at her mother. The music played in early morning exterior scenes on the show, calm and almost dreamy, plays as the scene transitions and is bordered in white soft borders. The new scene is a small house like the Sinclairs but not as big, with only one volcano-like object on the right of the house and two visible exterior rooms, with a wide window covered in high-quality ornate curtains. The camera zooms in and transitions to a living room that is immaculate, with numerous ceramic knick-knacks, doilies, and throw pillows accentuating the furniture. The sofa from Earl and Fran’s living room is the centerpiece of this room. There are also a couple of complex quilts lying on a young Fran as she reclines on the sofa. Her back is braced and her leg is in a cast. She has bruises on her face and neck. One of her eyes can barely open. The camera pulls back to show an ambulatory Ethyl Phillips, with a body frame similar to Fran’s, but with a younger head and tail. Her scales are also somewhat richer in tone and less wrinkled. Due to the fact the previous VA, Florence Stanley, is no longer with us, the person I’ve picked to voice her is Vicki Lawrence, known as Thelma Harper on MAMA’S FAMILY. Ethyl enters the room with a cup of soup and hands it to Fran before sitting down on a nearby stool. She is wearing a crisp dress, fit for American upscale women of the forties. It is blue, long-sleeved, and knee-length. A thick brown fur shawl is wrapped around her shoulders with an ornately-jeweled pin keeping it together.]

Ethyl (nods): Feeling better?

Fran (nods, carefully sipping her soup)

Ethyl (sighs): It’s a good thing your father Louie was around. *pauses wistfully, looking away and shrugging* Too bad about the pipe, though.

Fran (still embarrassed): I’m fine, Mother.

Ethyl (slightly irritated): I didn’t raise my only daughter to go crashing through the roof. You’ve got more sense than your brother Stan.

Fran (protests): They were making fun of me! I couldn’t take it anymore!

Ethyl (slaps her knee, frowning): And how was tossing yourself off a roof supposed to fix things? You really think your classmates would suddenly see you for the wonderful and compassionate-to-a-fault dinosaur you are after you expose your vital organs on the front lawn?

Fran (sniffling): But, but my tail …!

Ethyl (sighs): Your tail will get here when it gets here. It’s a sign a young dinosaur female is growing up. *curtly* It’s not for little females who think every little thing is the end of the world. *puts hand on face in frustration, sighing resignedly* Fran – Louie and I raised you to live up to your potential. One day your tail will get here, but it’s just the opening act to the main event. A grand new world will open up before you. You’ve got to stop settling for the status quo, get in there, and make something of yourself! You don’t want to be some male’s house slave all your life!

Fran (under her breath, looking away): There’s nothing wrong with wanting a family.

Ethyl (cringing, wringing her hands, struggling to regain composure): No, no there isn’t. But don’t ever let your husband force you to confuse marriage with unpaid employment. Your father and I are partners in every sense of the word. Only by working as one have we been able to carve out a nice little niche for ourselves.

[Louie enters, holding the side of his ribs briefly before coming up behind Fran and kissing her on the head. He is similar to the hand puppet version seen in THE LAST TEMPTATION OF ETHYL, but is a full-body costume instead. He is dressed in a suit and walks with a slight limp, holding onto an ivory-tipped cane. It’d be nice for him to be voiced by Buddy Hackett again, if possible.]

Louie (smiling): Feeling better, sweetheart?

Fran (sniffling, unable to look at him): I’m – I’m so sorry, Dad!

Louie (patting her on the shoulder): Awwww … don’t be sad, my little gumdrop! *winks* If you wanted to patch the roof, you shoulda asked first. *chuckles*

Ethyl (frowns): I don’t see how this is funny.

Louie (rolls his eyes): Oh, don’t let it rile you, Ethyl! She’s learned her lesson!

Ethyl: Which you paid for!

Louie (frowns, in a serious tone): She doesn’t look like she got out of it without a scratch, my little muffin cake. You can’t tell her to make her own decisions and then get angry when she makes a bad one.

Ethyl: She should be better than that!

Louie (brightens up again): She will be! Nothing’s a better teacher in this world than the School of Hard Knocks, eh, Fran? Fran?

[The scene dissolves back to reality as a close-up reveals Fran snapping out of her daydream. The camera cuts to an awake Ethyl, looking on with concern.]

Fran (surprised, getting up quickly): Mother! You’re alright!

Ethyl (nods, straightening out her dress and coat, her voice a little more gravelly than the flashback): Of course – I’m not dead yet. *looks around* Where are the kids?

Fran: Earl took Baby to see what’s going on. Robbie and Charlene left too.

Ethyl: Any word from Fat Boy yet?

Fran (shakes her head): No, not yet. Mother, I’m worried.

Ethyl (nods): So am I. The kid shouldn’t be with that brainless tub of lard.

Fran (snarls): Earl is a lot smarter than he looks, Mother!

Ethyl (nods sarcastically): Sure he is! Why, it seems like only moments ago he orchestrated the complete and utter destruction of the entire supercontinent!

Fran (exasperatedly): That was Mr. Richfield!

Ethyl (growls): It was your husband’s idea!

Fran: Earl was trying to save the planet! *cuts Ethyl off before she can retort* And look around, Mother! *gestures* The trees are back, the birds are singing, the skies are clear …!

Ethyl (looks around, grumbles in defeat): The house is gone.

Fran (smirks in victory): We’ll solve that mystery later. The most important thing right now is being thankful we’ve survived and avoid tearing each other apart.

[The scene flip transitions to a close-up of Spike, who falls onto one of the tents. The camera then cuts back to Robbie, who is recovering from pushing him.]

Robbie (growling): I’m going to rip off your scales!

Spike (coughs, gets up): You sure are makin’ a bad impression in front o’ da cavemen, squirt.

Robbie (still incensed): She’s my sister!

Spike (mockingly): You wanna piece o’ her?

Robbie (screams and lunges, only to be pushed aside casually by Spike, landing in a heap of tent cloth)

Spike (dusts himself off, frowning): First of all, dere ain’t no law in da Code of Da Wilderness dat says she’s off limits. Second of all … *pauses* … dat’s not what we were up to. *protesting* I landed in a thorny bush, a’ight? My hide was chock full o’ da t’ings! Sis ovah here was just helpin’ me out – so dial down dat righteous indignation a notch, comprende?

[In the background, some of the human and humanoid Muppets are trembling, but some are casually sipping soft drinks and eating popcorn.]

Charlene (to Robbie, indignantly): Why don’t you mind your own business, Rob? I’m not exactly two, you know! We’ve all had sixty million years to get a grip!

Robbie (pride hurt, stands up carefully and inches away from Spike submissively): What are you talking about?

Muppet Man 1 (chomps away on a candy bar, nodding): Dinosaurs bit the big one sixty million years ago.

Robbie (confused, calmer): So why are we here?

Spike (semi-playfully slaps Robbie on the back): Ours is not to reason why, Sinclair. Our only mission in life is ta just wake up da next mornin’, get dressed, an’ start cruisin’ fer opportunities. *grins*

Robbie (rubs his chest): With my sister?

Spike (semi-thoughtfully): It could happen. Still, I was t’inking more along da lines o’ figurin’ out how ta exploit da sudden change in da food chain dynamics. *glances devilishly at the humans/humanoid Muppets*

Charlene (nods sympathetically to the camping group): Don’t worry. His bark is worse than his bite. He’s the classic “thug with a heart of gold”.

Spike (mockingly): An’ how much do hearts o’ gold get ya in da pawn shops nowadays?

Muppet woman 1: About three sixty.

Spike (rolls eyes): Pffbt. I could do bettah dan dat! My boots are worth more than four lousy bucks!

Man 1 (nervously): She means three hundred and sixty thousand dollars.

Spike (gawks in awe): I love inflation.

[Fade-out.]

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

*Sigh* I'm loving this.

It's just too good to be expressed in words (well, at least my tiny mind is unable to generate a sentence able to express it).

 

[RedPiggy]

Thanks! This is the start of an entire fic universe for me, my "Movieverse". I intend ... well, I can't tell you what the fic after this would be because it spoils issues for this fic, LOL. I thought that after obsessing over my Comeback King universe for awhile, it's high time I invented a new one. I'm trying to write these with the understanding that today's tech would allow it to be (mostly) live-action, though it'd work as a CGI movie too.

 

[RedPiggy]

[Fade-in. The camera follows Earl Sinclair from in front and to his right as he hikes along a forest trail with Baby in his arms.]

Baby (slaps Earl on the chest): I’m hungry!

Earl (without looking at him): And I’m thirsty! Looks like we’re both out of luck. *pauses, looks around* Sheesh, this forest goes on forever!

Baby (frowning): So does my nagging!

Earl (stops cold and glares at him, lip barely curling): Well, your transportation service sure doesn’t! *drops him* You can just toddle yourself back to your mother! *starts to walk off*

Baby (close-up, musing about his new situation): But … I’m … I’m the baby!

Earl (continuing walking with Baby visible in the background): You’re three years old! It’s high time you start earning your keep! Just because the Chief Elder named you “Baby” doesn’t mean you can act like one for the rest of your life.

Baby (unsure of himself): I’m the baby. Gotta love me?

Earl (stops, turns, and smirks): Not today I don’t. Today I think I’ll love taking a nice, solitary walk in the forest – without someone who acts like a broken record.

Baby (pauses): I’m … I’m sorry … Daddy.

Earl (sighs and turns his back): Alright, fine. But you’re still learning how to walk. It’s bad enough I have to push your grandmother around. *the camera follows as Earl walks, more slowly this time*

Baby (soon panting and cringing, stops): My knees hurt!

Earl: Then walk, don’t crawl!

Baby (grunts with dissatisfaction): You wanna make this trip last all week?

Earl (stops, sighs)

[A flip transition reveals Baby in Earl’s arms as they reach water’s edge. Earl is grunting uncomfortably after his long walk. Baby is looking forward in awe. The camera moves behind them to reveal a panoramic blissful scene of Crater Lake, with crystal clear water reflecting the bright blue of the sky.]

Earl: Wow.

Baby: Pretty …. *spots something to their right* Look! It’s Uncle Roy!

Earl (follows Baby’s gaze)

[The scene cuts to a wide shot of Roy, the T-Rex, sitting forlornly at the water’s edge. Earl and Baby appear from screen right and Earl sits down next to Roy, letting Baby onto the ground.]

Earl (cautiously): Roy?

Roy (staring at the water): Da water’s so blue.

Earl (attempts to put his hand on Roy’s narrow shoulder, then thinks otherwise): Roy – we’re alive!

Roy (just stares at the water for several moments): All da plants … dey just … dey just withered away.

Earl (finally understands what the problem is): You went looking for Monica, didn’t you?

Roy (nods briefly and turns to Earl, his voice pleading): She’s an herbivore, Pally-boy! We took away da very stuff she ate! *tears start to well up in his eyes* I … I … I’m ta blame for losing her.

Baby (tenderly looking up): Uncle Roy?

Roy (glancing at Baby): Hmm?

Baby: She liked you.

Roy (sobs)

Earl (swats at Baby, under his breath): You’re not helping! *to Roy* Roy, don’t listen to the kid. He’s just babbling! You know how he always tries to --.

Roy (shakes his head): No, *sniff* Earl. Da lil’ tyke was just tryin’ ta make me feel bettah. *sniffles some more before staring compassionately towards Baby* T’anks.

Baby (nods and crawls out of the shot after a butterfly)

Earl (watches Baby for a moment, then turns to Roy, whispering): You shouldn’t lie to the kid. He can’t learn how to keep his trap shut if you keep encouraging him!

Roy (chuckles, looks at the sky, and whispers): I can’t let him t’ink he hurt my feelings, Pally-boy. A kid’s self-esteem is da most precious t’ing in da world. *turns to Earl, his voice normal* Wondah how we got here, Pally-boy? I mean, we were all on da verge of death. Now ev’ryt’ing’s so pretty and nice. *nods toward the lake, in awe* Dis place seems almost … magical.

Earl (nods, putting an arm around Roy’s narrow shoulders): I dunno. I kinda thought a magical sorceress whisked us away into a faraway mystical land where Richfield died and I became king.

Roy (smiles): Do I get ta be Prince in dat story?

Earl (smiles): Sure, why not?

[Fade-out.]