Chapter 7
After Gonzo had returned to the boarding house on Tuesday afternoon, it was decided that a huge party would be held in Gonzo’s honor in the Muppet’s backyard. Sweetums and the other Muppet monsters strung lights and set up tables and chairs outside. And the jacuzzi was reopened just for the occasion.
Gonzo: ...Remind me to ask my family about that jacuzzi.
Me: ...Ri-ght.
When night came, all of the Muppets residing in the boarding house joined in the party outside. The Electric Mayhem jammed on their instruments all night long.
Gonzo: How is that different from any other night?
Rizzo, who was in his bathing suit, grabbed a plate of cheese cubes off the buffet table. Clifford was filling a cup with punch and lowered his glasses at Rizzo. "You got enough cheese there Riz?"
Rizzo shrugged. "Hey, I’m just tryin’ not to cause to many lines by just takin’ it all!" the rat said as he walked over to the jacuzzi and hopped in next to Pepe the King Prawn.
Me: That Rizzo, always thinking of others...
"Jou know Ritzo, maybe it’s a good t’ing dat we didn’t tell Gonso about dis jacuzzi," Pepe said, turning on the jets in the jacuzzi.
Gonzo: ...Tell me what?
"You still haven’t told him?!" Rizzo shouted.
"Well jou know, I was just waiting for de right time and it just hasn’t come up jet," Pepe said.
"Pepe you have got to tell him! Now!" Rizzo demanded.
"No way, hokay? I can’t ruin Gonso’s night, I mean just look, he’s having so much fun!" Pepe said as he motioned to Gonzo who was dancing with Camilla.
Gonzo: Hey look I’m dancing with Camilla!
Me: What about the jacuzzi?
Gonzo: ...What jacuzzi?
Rizzo looked at his best friend, "Alright, I guess it can wait. But you have got to tell him before he leaves on Thoisday!"
"Si, I will tell him, hokay?"
"You will?"
"Si, I will! Dios mio, lay off, hokay? Quit picking on de king prawn."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Butch and Clyde sat on a hill behind the Muppet Boarding House. Butch looked through his pair of binoculars down at the party. "Alright Clyde, we gotta go now! They’re all out of the house!"
Clyde nodded. "Yeah! That party looks like so much fun! I brought my swimming suit just for the jacuzzi!"
Me: Those two are so awesome...So glad I came up with them.
Gonzo: You’re their father?
Me: ...In a sense...
Gonzo: Why be in a sense when it’s more fun to be squeezed into a dollar? Ha ha!
Me: Good grief...
"We’re not going to the party you idiot!"
"Aww, we’re not?"
"No, we’re going to steal a rocket ship from the basement!"
"Why do we need a rocket again?"
"Because, we’re gonna go into space and find an entire race of aliens and earn our place at C.O.V.N.E.T.!" Butch explained.
Gonzo: *gasp* They’re bad guys?!
Me: Well...Yes, but they’re bad bad guys.
Gonzo: So they’re REALLY bad guys?
Me: No, they’re just bad at being bad.
Gonzo: So they’re good?
Me: No, they’re bad.
Gonzo: At being bad, yes I get that, so that makes them good at being good?
Me: No, they’re bad at being good too.
Gonzo: Whatever...
Me: Why are you talking to yourself?
Clyde nodded. "Oh, ok, I get it. ...The basement?"
"Yes the basement!"
"To the basement!" Clyde shouted.
Me: REFERENCE!! Rizzo shouts: "To the basement!" in the DVD commentary on MFS.
Gonzo: Copy rat.
Me: Moi?
Gonzo: No, not Piggy, Rizzo.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, inside the basement, Bunsen and Beaker were putting the finishing touches on a rocket. "Screwdriver please Beaker," Bunsen asked his assistant.
"Mee me mo," Beaker said as he handed Bunsen a screwdriver.
Bunsen turned a screw on the rocket and tossed the screwdriver behind his shoulder. Beaker had to pull his head inside his lab coat to avoid the flying tool. "Please Beaker, this is now time for fooling around, we must get this rocket ship fixed before Mr. Gonzo needs to blast off on Thursday! Now, may I please have the sledgehammer?"
Beaker’s meeps inside his lab coat were muffled as he handed Bunsen a hammer. Bunsen gently hammered on the rocket, then swung the hammer around, hitting Beaker’s chest, sending his head popping from his lab coat. "Beaker, I think I’ll use the chainsaw instead," Bunsen decided.
Beaker tossed his hands up and shook his head. "Mo mo mee!" Beaker begged.
Me: Hehehe, I love that scene.
Gonzo: Yeah, it looks REALLY painful! Neat!
"Oh come now Beaker," Bunsen said as he started up the saw. "I only caused you to get forty-three stitches last time, how much worse could it be this time?"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Back outside, the party was beginning to wind down, and the band caught the drift and began to play a slow song.
Gonzo: How do you catch a drift?
Me: With a large baseball glove.
Kermit was sitting at a table holding Robin, who was sound asleep, in his lap. Gonzo came up to Kermit holding Camilla at his side. "Hey Kermit," Gonzo whispered. "I just wanted to thank you again for the party, it’s been great."
Me: Awww, Robin and Kermie, how sweet.
Gonzo: Kermie?
Me: ...Once you go ushy gushy you can never go back...
"No problem Gonzo," Kermit whispered back. "We’re all just happy to see you again."
Gonzo nodded and rubbed Robin’s little head. "The little guy’s had a big day," he said.
Kermit smiled. "Go on Gonzo, you and Camilla go dance."
"Bawk bawk," Camilla nudged Gonzo.
"Ok honey, let’s go," the weirdo said to his chicky-poo Camilla as they walked back onto the dance floor.
Gonzo: Mm, I think I’ll dance with Camilla when I get back...
Me: Just stay off the barbecue...
Kermit sighed and stroked Robin’s head. He hummed the tune to "Bein’ Green" to his sleeping nephew. It had been a big day for them all, not just Robin.
Miss Piggy poked her head behind Kermit. "Kermie, would vous like to dance?" she asked.
Kermit smiled, "Oh Piggy, thanks for volunteering to hold Robin while I go dance."
Me: I LOVE that line! I believe Leyla confirmed that as ushy gushy.
Gonzo: ...Is there any medication for that?
Me: Yeah, Dr. Bob gave me some...
Piggy growled. "I was talking about dancing with me!"
Kermit put Robin down on a chair next to him. "I know Piggy. I guess that joke of mine bombed worse than Fozzie’s."
Me: Don’t flatter yourself frog...
Kermit grabbed Piggy’s hand and escorted her out to the dance area. Once there, she grabbed his back and pulled him to her chest. "Oh Kermie," she swooned.
"Oh Piggy," Kermit said scrunching up his face.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Butch and Clyde walked quietly up the porch at the boarding house and pushed open the door slowly. "Shh," Butch whispered to Clyde.
Clyde turned towards a cricket in the grass. "Shh," he whispered.
Me: HA! Forgot about that part!
Butch grabbed his shirt collar and dragged him into the house. They tip-toed into the kitchen and they looked at the staircase leading down into the basement. "Alright Clyde, this is it."
Clyde was eating a piece of cake behind Butch. "I’ll say! This is
it! This is the best cake I’ve ever had."
Gonzo: WHO CUT THE CAKE?!
Me: Calm down Gonzo.
Butch knocked the cake out of his hands. "Will you stop that?! This mission requires patience and decisiveness."
"Right, right, patents and detergents," Clyde nodded.
Me: I love these two!!
Gonzo: ...I won’t tell Hilda, I promise.
Butch rubbed his head. "Why me?" he asked. "C’mon, let’s go."
The two Muppets descended the stairs and were stopped by a door at the bottom that had a sign in the middle that read "Muppet Labs: Where the Future is Being Made Today!" Butch tried to turn the door knob, but it didn’t budge. "Dang, it’s locked," Butch muttered.
"Maybe we should knock and see if anyone’s in," Clyde suggested.
"Oh yeah, great idea, and we’ll be discovered by whoever’s in there!"
"It was just a-"
"It was just stupid!"
"Sorry Butch I-"
"You need to stop talkin’!"
"Ok sorry-"
"STOP IT!" Butch yelled. He clamped his mouth with his hands. "Look what you made me do!" Butch whispered. He put his head to the door and listened.
Gonzo: What a dynastic duo...
Me: ...That’s one way to put it.
"Beaker did you hear that?" one voice said.
"Mee mo?" another responded.
"Oh, I suppose it was just some racket from outside."
A chainsaw began running, and Butch exhaled. "That was too close, c’mon Clyde, you almost blew our cover." Clyde folded his arms and glared at Butch. "I’m just sayin’."
Butch looked up and down at the door. "Aw, this’ll be easy gettin’ in," he said. "Just hope we can get out..."
The big blue brute rose his arms and formed his hands into fists and brought them down. The door to Muppet Labs fell to the floor.
Gonzo: Big blue brute, nice annihilation.
Me: That’s alliteration.
Gonzo: Did you not see the door fall?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The crash was heard outside at the party over the Electric Mayhem’s un-characteristically quiet music. The dancers and band all stopped and everyone turned their heads towards the boarding house.
"What the hey?" Kermit said.
"It sounded like it came from the basement," Fozzie said, worriedly.
"Ooh, lots of stuff for me to clean up in the morning," Beauregard remarked.
Me: Oh Beau...
The Muppets rushed inside and headed to the kitchen, they all stopped at the opening to the stairway.
"Well guys, let’s go," Kermit said as he began to walk down the stairs. He turned around and realized that no one was following him. "No one’s coming with me?"
All of the Muppets were visibly shaking in fear. Gonzo looked around at them and realized he should start shaking too. Having fear would take some getting used to.
Gonzo: ...I do have fear. Fear of lampshades.
Me: What?
Gonzo: Mm-hm.
Me: ...*takes notes*
Fozzie, who was holding Rizzo to his chest, looked down at the rat and pushed him forward.
Kermit scrunched up his face. "Thanks for the support guys," he said as he continued down the stairs.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs he saw the door lying on the floor, and Bunsen and a charred Beaker in the same position in front of a gaping hole in the wall. "Dr. Honeydew, what happened here?" Kermit asked.
"Oh Mr. Kermit sir! It was horrible! Two blue and pink brutes charged in and stole our Muppet Labs Outer Spacer!" Bunsen wailed.
Me: I love coming up with Muppet Labs names.
"And what about that gaping hole in the wall?" Kermit asked.
"Oh, why that was the Muppet Labs Security System!"
Me: Hahahaha!
Kermit frowned. "You designed a security system that blows a hole in the wall?"
"Why of course, with a hole in the wall, the robbers can escape and cause us no harm whatsoever!" Bunsen said. "Although Beaker did get blown up along with the wall."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Well Kermit, we’ve found two sets of hand and footprints and tufts of blue hair, we’ll run it through a DNA scan and have the results within two or three days," the police officer said to Kermit.
"Thank you Officer Barretta," Kermit said to the officer.
Me: REFERENCE!! That there, the officer is a cameo by Bill Barretta.
Gonzo: ...Who now?
The officer nodded and left the boarding house, driving away in his squad car.
Gonzo came up behind Kermit. "Kermit, I’m so sorry," Gonzo said.
Kermit turned to face the weirdo. "Sorry, but Gonzo why? You didn’t do anything."
Gonzo shrugged. "If it weren’t for my party you could’ve been in here to stop those thieves."
Gonzo: If it weren’t for this writer we wouldn’t need a party...
"Gonzo, that’s crazy talk, if anyone should be apologizing it’s me, I’m sorry that it was the rocket you were going to use to go see your family that got stolen," Kermit said. Gonzo sighed. "But don’t worry, Bunsen and Beaker have at least six more down there in the lab," Kermit reassured him.
Me: *cough* Two... *cough*
Gonzo: Maybe you should see Dr. Bob about some cough medicine.
Gonzo smiled. "Yeah."
Kermit and Gonzo walked into the living room and took a seat on the couch. "So Gonzo, tell me, why did you stop doing your stunts all of the sudden?"
Gonzo: Yes Gonzo, tell us.
Gonzo looked at the floor as if he was ashamed of himself. "I was afraid for the first time Kermit," Gonzo said. "I realized that I would miss you all too much if I really did hurt myself..."
"But Gonzo, you heard it from the pasta’s...Mouth, you heal almost instantly!"
Me: And there’s the line that became a Christy phenomenon.
Gonzo: Doo do doo do doo...
Gonzo shook his head. "I just can’t do it anymore Kermit. ‘
Cause now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain," Gonzo sang.
Me: Ooh, song time!!
Gonzo: No, it’s about nine.
"
My friend, I’ll say it clear, I’ll state my case of which I’m certain
I’ve done the stunts of fools, I’ve blown through each and every sky-way,
And more, much more than this, I'm done with my way.
"
Yes there were times, I’m sure you knew,
That I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall,
Now I’m done with my way."
Kermit put his arm around Gonzo’s shoulder, "But Gonzo,
you’ve loved, you’ve laughed and cried," Kermit began to sing.
"
You’ve had your fill, your share of losing
But now as tears subside, you should find it all, so amusing
To think you did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way,
Oh no, oh no not you, you did it your way."
"
For what is an...er...man? What has he got?
If not himself, than he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
"The record shows, you took the blows,
And did it your way!"
Me: *Applause*
Gonzo: When did Zany get here?
"I’m sorry Kermit," Gonzo said. "I just can’t anymore, I just can’t. I’m done with my way."
Gonzo: YES YOU CAN!!
Kermit took his arm off Gonzo’s shoulder. "Alright Gonzo, if that’s what you really want," the frog said as he got up. "Goodnight Gonzo."
Gonzo looked Kermit in the eyes, they were filled with worry, "Goodnight Kermit."
Me: Goodnight Gonzo.
Gonzo: It’s only nine o’ clock!!
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