Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 15

"Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen-"

"Nineteen and a half."

"What?"

"Yup, Piggy’s da size of one and a half of us," Rizzo snickered.

"Watch it Rizzo," Kermit frowned. "We don’t have time to stop in the emergency room, so either Bunsen or Dr. Bob’ll have to sub as vet."

Rizzo grimaced. "I’d rather have lunch with Gonzo."

"Sorry Rizzo," Gonzo and Camilla climbed on the bus. "The dishwasher’s only a two-seater."

"Oh great," Kermit frowned. "How many was that?"

"Don’t ask me mista Sesame Street," Rizzo hopped on the bus.

Kermit sighed as Johnny, Sal, and the Electric Mayhem climbed on the bus. Fozzie came walking over and Kermit stopped the bear. "Hey Foz," Kermit said. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Oh sure Kermit, but are you sure you don’t want a so-vor?" Fozzie asked.

Kermit scrunched up his face."What’s a so-vor?"

"You know," Fozzie said. "Do, re, mi, fa, so! Favor, so-vor! Get it?"

Kermit frowned. "Fozzie, could you just go inside and make sure no one else is left in the men’s room?"

"Who’s gonna check the women’s?" Fozzie asked.

"No one needs to," Kermit smirked. "All five of them are on the bus."

"I thought you lost count," Fozzie said.

"Fozzie, will you please just go?" Kermit asked.

"Oh right, right!" Fozzie walked back towards the restaurant.

"Even when I’m on vacation I need a vacation..." Kermit moaned.

<X>X<X>

​

Robin’s tiny frog bladder could barely hold it any longer. He looked up the line, there was still Lew Zealand in front of him, and Lips in the bathroom now.

The dark green frog looked over towards the adjacent women’s room door. There was no one in the line.

He frowned, then looked forward as Lips walked out of the bathroom and Lew took his place. "It may be awhile little Mr. the Frog, I’ve gotta clean of Darla, Marla, Carla-"

"Yeah Lew," Robin frowned. "All of the fish, I know, I know."

Lew laughed and bobbled into the bathroom. Robin grinned and ran over to the women’s room. He pushed open the door and locked it from the inside.

Just then, Fozzie walked into the restaurant and knocked on the men’s bathroom door. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

Lew peered out through a crack in the open door. "Oh! Hi Fozzie!" Lew opened the door all the way and smiled at the bear.

"Are you ready to go Lew?" Fozzie scratched his head at the sight of three boomerang fish piled in the sink.

"Oh yeah sure! Just let me grab my fish!" Lew grabbed his fish out of the sink.

"Was there anyone else waiting in line?" Fozzie asked.

Lew tilted his head. "Um...No, I don’t think so..."

Fozzie nodded. "Okay great! Let’s get going! We’ve got places to be!"
"We do?" Lew asked.

"Well...No, but it sounds good."

Fozzie and Lew walked out of the restaurant and to the bus. "Okay Kermit, that’s everyone."

"Great," Kermit smiled. "And what’s more, your mom’s caffeine pills ran out and she’s passed out in your seat Fozzie."

"How is that good news?" Fozzie asked as Lew climbed onto the bus.

"Dr. Teeth gets to take over and we don’t have to wear helmets for awhile." Kermit walked up the bus’ stairs.

"Ahh! That’s fun-ny!" Fozzie pointed at his best friend.

Kermit nodded. "Okay Dr. Teeth, let’s get this show on the road."

"I thought we were on vacation from the show," Fozzie said.

Kermit frowned. "Let’s just go Dr. Teeth..."

"You got it small, green, and oh-so flippery!" Dr. Teeth laughed in his gravley tone as he pulled the bus out of the parking lot.

Back inside the restaurant, Robin walked out of the lady’s room rubbing his hands together. "Every time I wash my hands the towels are too high up, every time!" Robin sighed. He walked out of the restaurant, just in time to see the Electric Mayhem bus pulling out of the parking lot, and down the highway.

Robin breathed heavily. He knew what to do, Uncle Kermit had made sure to tell him. Go inside and call Miss Piggy’s cell phone.

>X<X>X<

​

The pirates on motorcycles saw the little green frog dart inside as they pulled all twelve motorcycles into the parking lot.

"Ooh look a restaurant!"

"I hope they have shrimp scampi!"

"I’ll put my dentures in."

"Will you shut it?!" Polly shouted. "We’re already far enough behind those Muppets already!"

"Um, aren’t we Muppets Polly?" Clueless asked.

"Don’t you have to go the bathroom?!" Polly shouted.

"Oh yeah, right!" Clueless darted inside.

"Anyone else have-ta go?" Polly asked the rest of the more-than motley crew.

In a flash, ten tattooed, pierced, and oddly colored pirate bodies darted past the lobster into the restaurant.

"Figures..." Polly muttered, following the others inside.

>X<X>X<

​

Uncle Deadly and Death stared at each other. But they weren’t really looking at each other, or into each other for that matter. They were looking past each other, looking into their surroundings looking into their feelings.

The phantom had no idea whether to say a word or just sit silently. He couldn’t determine which was more painful.

Death was thinking the same. He knew his time was desperately short. He wanted to say something to his most faithful servant, but he knew no words that could help.

The silence stood silently (as if silence could do anything else). The fireplace between the two of them was the only sound, neither of them breathed, neither of them had to.

Suddenly, Death shot up. His head darted around the room. Deadly stared awkwardly. "What is it?" the phantom asked.

"IT’S TIME DEADLY." Death thrust his side across the floor, landing at Deadly’s blue feet.

"What?" Deadly gasped. "What is it?"

Black flames sparked from directly underneath Death’s black cloak. He tried to move, but the flames bound him just as this theater bound Uncle Deadly.

Deadly darted forward towards his master. He was going to do whatever he could to help him. No matter what it took.

The flames engulfed the cloaked skeleton, his hooded head and bony arm were all that could be seen through the black heat. He reached out past the flames towards Uncle Deadly, reaching with all his might.

Uncle Deadly’s scarred, blue arm reached out towards his master’s bleach white hand as his body sent him forward as fast as it could. He reached and reached.

He couldn't reach.

Death palm closed just before the flames took him over. The flames, the cloak, the bones, the spirit, it was all gone in a flash of blackness.

Uncle Deadly collapsed to his knees. He tried supporting himself hands, but his elbows buckled and he fell on his chest. He let tears slip from his dry, dead tear ducts. The tears rolled down his old scaly skin. The watery substance burned his tongue.

His arm burned, his tongue burned, Death burned. Deadly cried more, the tears were rolling out of his eyes now. He should’ve been able to prevent it. Why couldn’t he prevent it?

Deadly stayed on the floor for as long as he’d ever remembered being on the floor. Certainly the longest he’d ever cried.

Uncle Deadly pushed himself back onto his knees and growled. He stood up and grabbed Death’s scythe off the ground. He was going to end this. Now.

 

[The Count]

Oh... Chills running down my spine!
Why is it Robin always gets left behind and into these types of situations?
Quite daring of him to sneak off into the ladies' room... And I liked Lew cleaning his fish, named this time after Nicky Holiday's girls...

The pirates showed up just after the bus left, but I have a feeling they'll be meeting each other quite soon.

And what can I say about Death's death and Deadly's outpouring of emotion... Masterfully done...
And of course, more please!

 

[Beauregard]

"Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen-"

Is that the number of chapters ahead of lisa you are, or what?

"Nineteen and a half."

"What?"

"Yup, Piggy’s da size of one and a half of us," Rizzo snickered.

*laughs* Oh that poor pig...she gets all the abuse...

"Watch it Rizzo," Kermit frowned. "We don’t have time to stop in the emergency room, so either Bunsen or Dr. Bob’ll have to sub as vet."

...and is quite willing to handle it out, too.

"Sorry Rizzo," Gonzo and Camilla climbed on the bus. "The dishwasher’s only a two-seater."

Nice on-going joke. I hug it! Though the dishwasher is too large to hug...

"Even when I’m on vacation I need a vacation..." Kermit moaned.

So true, Mr the Frog, so turue...

He pushed open the door and locked it from the inside.

How did I just know this would happen?

"Great," Kermit smiled. "And what’s more, your mom’s caffeine pills ran out and she’s passed out in your seat Fozzie."

*snorttake* Poor Emily Bear, Mr harvey would be sad to see her dead out like that...

"Ahh! That’s fun-ny!" Fozzie pointed at his best friend.

I love that Fozzie is so Fozzie in your stories...its loverly to see him exactly as he is supposed to be, while I torture him over in the Dark Universe.

"You got it small, green, and oh-so flippery!"

*smiles* Dr Teeth just makes me smile! He just does!

"I hope they have shrimp scampi!"

Ooooh! MTI reference!

Uncle Deadly and Death stared at each other. But they weren’t really looking at each other, or into each other for that matter. They were looking past each other, looking into their surroundings looking into their feelings.

Wow...that is so beautifull..."into their surroundings, into their feelings..."

The silence stood silently

So atmospheric.

(as if silence could do anything else)

So funny.

Black flames sparked from directly underneath Death’s black cloak. He tried to move, but the flames bound him just as this theater bound Uncle Deadly.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

The flames engulfed the cloaked skeleton, his hooded head and bony arm were all that could be seen through the black heat.

Black heat! Lovely discription. And so heat-filled.

He couldn't reach.

You know I have to point out now that there was a time when I really, really, really hated that you have Death in the Muppet stories. I dispised that. it was just not right...but now...over time, as you have developed Death into this amazing character, I have come to love Death.

Death palm closed just before the flames took him over. The flames, the cloak, the bones, the spirit, it was all gone in a flash of blackness.

I just love him...and I love the visual-ness of the palm closing.

Uncle Deadly pushed himself back onto his knees and growled. He stood up and grabbed Death’s scythe off the ground. He was going to end this. Now.

Yes! Do end it Uncle Deadly! Do do do!

This was a great chapter and I am so wrapped up in this story! Yeeeahaaayeeeeay!

Bea{Now I'm off to go work with a rather different, twisted Uncle Deadly for chapter 5 of Visions}regard

 

[Leyla]

Oh my goodness. This is certainly getting rather tense, isn't it! That Benny has got to be one of the scarier villains we've seen around here, and I don't even know what to make of Uncle Deadly with Death's scythe... <shivers>

And, or course, amidst all the scary trouble, you've got muppety trouble going on as well... but... how could you lose Robin!!! With Benny on the loose?

You better not hurt that little frog, Prawnie dear, or your other half'll kill ya.


Oh, and my favorite of favorite lines in the last few chapters:

Death appeared in his terribly indiscreet manner, through a spout of black flames.

Yes.

<giggles muchly> Great job, Prawnie!

 

[The Count]

His other half? And which other half would that be, he has two you know... Well, of course you do, you're one of them.
And I hope Uncle Deadly takes care of Jodie, putting her to good use against the blighter known as Benny.
Who's Jodie? Oh, that's Death's pet name for his scythe. What, don't believe me? Then watch the episode of The Grim Adventures featuring the talking Taking Tree.

 

[redBoobergurl]

I just wanted to pop in and say I am still reading, I just haven't had time to comment. And now I want to nag. MORE PLEASE. That is all.

 

[The Count]

Yah yah... Der poky poky der prunny...
Muur Schtuuri!

 

[theprawncracker]

Special thank you ((((((HUGS)))))) to my other half for providing the Fozzie scene for this chapter.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 16

"Hello? Uncle Kermit?" Robin said into the pay phone. "Uncle Kermit is that you?"

"Who’s Uncle Kermit?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Kermit the Frog!" Robin said.

"Oh! You know him?"

"I’m his nephew!"

"...Oh."

"So this isn’t Miss Piggy’s cell phone?"

"Why would Kermit the Frog have Miss Piggy’s cell phone?"

"Why wouldn’t Uncle Kermit have Miss Piggy’s cell phone?"

"Good question."

The phone on the other end clicked off as the phone hung up. Robin sighed, that was his last quarter.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught a dark crimson lobster walking towards the door. He was beat up and rather rough looking, but there was something that made Robin trust him.

He was a Muppet.

Robin grinned and caught the lobster at the door. "Hi there! I’m Robin the Frog! And you’re a Muppet!"

Polly Lobster looked the frog up and down. "Heh, thanks for noticin’. And what are you? Some sorta lizard or somethin’?"

"Actually, I’m a frog!" Robin jumped enthusiastically.

"I see it now, the hoppin’," Polly nodded. "Well if you’ll excuse me I lost my friends over here and-"

"Oh! But I needed to ask you a question!" Robin stopped the shellfish. "You see, I got separated from my Uncle Kermit and I was wondering if you had a quarter so I could-"

"Whoa whoa, hold on," Polly interrupted. "Did you say Kermit? As in, the Frog?"

"Well yeah, he’s my uncle."

"Oh! OH!" Polly put his claw around the little frog’s shoulder. "Well it just so happens that me and my friends are followin’ Kermit the Frog and his little friends on our motorcycles out there!"

"Really? You know my Uncle Kermit?" Robin asked.

"Of course, of course! We worked on a movie together," Polly smirked.
"Oh? Which one?" Robin asked.

Polly frowned and thought for a minute. He didn’t remember any small, dark green frogs on the set. "Muppet Treasure Island," Polly hoped.

"Oh! Now I know where I’ve seen you!" Robin bounced.

The eleven other pirates gathered around Polly and Robin. "Hey there Polly, who’s your little friend?" Clueless Morgan asked.

"Guys, this is Roland the Frog."

"Robin," the frog corrected Polly.

"Where? I’m an avid bird caller!" Angel Marie spoke up.

"No, that’s my name!" Robin smiled.

"Oh..." the pirates nodded.

"Yeah, and we’re gonna take Robin to his uncle and the rest of them Muppets!" Polly shouted.

"Oh! Are we gonna have a picnic?" Clueless asked.

"No dummy we’re gonna take ‘em to Benny!" Polly growled.

"Who’s Benny?" Robin asked.

Polly and all the other pirates stared at the frog. "Um, well, you see Benny...He’s an old friend of your uncle’s. Yeah, yeah, that’s it. And he’s gonna surprise your uncle and the others when we meet up with them!"

"Oh! That sounds like so much fun!" Robin grinned.

"Great!" Polly pushed Robin towards the group. "Now you hang tight with these guys while I call Benny and tell him we’re on our way!"

"Okay, thanks!" Robin hopped off with the pirates to the motorcycles.

Polly laughed under his breath and reached a claw into his pocket, pulling out a quarter. He scuttled over to the pay phone and dropped the quarter in. He pulled the phone off the hook with his hook-hand and dialed the numbers with his claw.

"Benny’s gonna be so proud!" Polly laughed.

<X>X<X>

​

Benny grinned a pointed, toothy grin as he watched Clifford and Skeeter coming onto the stage. "Well well," Benny called up. "Looks like I’ve got double the thrashing to deliver."

"Yo!" Clifford shouted to the gray man. "Theater’s closed dude!"

"I’ll decide that from now on, thank you," Benny began to walk towards the stage, picking up Scooter again as he moved.

"Scooter!" Skeeter covered her mouth in shock when she saw her brother bound and gagged.

"He’s fine my dear," Benny hissed. "Perfectly fine."

"Hey! Drop the nerd, or answer to me!" Clifford rolled up his sleeves.

"Oh? And who are you?" Benny shot a glare right through Clifford’s sunglasses.

"I’m, uh...Well..." Clifford stuttered.

"That’s what I thought," Benny tossed Scooter’s body onto the stage.
"Scooter," Skeeter rushed over to her twin’s side.

Benny jumped onto the stage circa Kermit, landing right in front of Clifford’s purple, mustachioed snout.

"Now, would you like to know who I am?" Benny snarled at Clifford.

Clifford held his ground, his bottom lip quivering. "Um, ya know, I..."

"Psst," Benny leaned up against Clifford’s ear and whispered. "The correct answer is yes."

"Y-Y-Yes?" Clifford stammered out.

"My name, my exotic purple friend, is-" Benny stopped abruptly.

Clifford’s breath escaped from his lungs, lucky break on his part. He looked down at Benny’s pant pocket and saw a small, yet distinct shaking.

"Excuse me," Benny said, reaching into his pocket. "I have to take this," he flipped open a cell phone and held it to his ear.

"This may be the worst possible time Polly," Benny muttered.

Clifford tilted his head at the un-dead man and watched him talking on the cell phone. Skeeter glared at Clifford and shot him a glance that seemed to say, "What the heck are you waiting for?!"

"Great Polly, just take the frog and have him lead you to the others. Okay, good, contact me as soon as you make contact," Benny was saying into his phone. Clifford scratched his head and shrugged.

Clifford darted towards the gray man, he jumped up and stuck out his foot, Skeeter began cracking up, and Clifford fell down to the floor.

"What are you laugin’ at?!" Clifford shouted to his girlfriend hunched over her brother’s side.

"Your karate form!" Skeeter guffawed.

"You can’t be serious..." Clifford shook his head.

"Actually," Benny appeared over Clifford’s head suddenly. "She’s right. Your form is atrocious."

Benny picked Clifford up by his tie and hurled him into the seats like a Frisbee. "Now," Benny cracked his knuckles in Skeeter’s general direction. "Where can I find Uncle Deadly?"

"Right here Vandergast," Uncle Deadly appeared out of nowhere, twirling Death’s scythe around his blue palms. "We end this now."

>X<X>X<

​

"Hey Kermit! Kermit!" Fozzie stopped the frog from returning to his seat (where Robin was supposed to be). "I have the greatest new joke for you, frog of my heart, that I have ever told!"

Kermit sighed. "Alright Fozzie, shoot."

"Hey hey, don’t shoot the driver," Dr. Teeth shouted.

"Anyway," Fozzie tugged at his tie. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Kermit stared at the bear. "Fozzie...That’s not a new joke."

"Well it is compared to my other material!" Fozzie said.

"Hey! Speaking of crossing roads," Dr. Teeth looked back at the frog and bear. "There’s a railroad crossin’ up here, tell Floyd to hit up ‘Chattanooga Choo Choo’!"

Rizzo shot up to the front of the bus. "Watch that you don’t hit that horse crossing the road!!"

Dr. Teeth turned back to the road and saw no horse. "My righteous little rat pal, there is no horse."

"Hey Kermit," Fozzie pulled at the frog’s arm. "Is it a new joke if I turn the chicken into a horse?"

"BRAGAWK?!" Camilla blew up in the back of the bus. When the cloud of feathers cleared and the damage could be assessed, Kermit felt a set of possibly Camilla’s right wing in his mouth.

The frog spat the feathers out. "I think I’ll go lay down next to Mrs. Bear..." Kermit frowned.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Hugs back at ya, Prawnie! AWESOME chapter, awesome awesome! Love the karate form stuff, and Polly getting Robin's name wrong, and the phone call, and- okay, so everything having anything to do with Robin, (Gee what a surprise...) And Clueless Morgan and Angel Marie were GREAT! Spot-on, love it.

MORE PLEASE!